Lecture Notes on Attachment Theory in Relationships

Overview

Focus: Attachment theory specifically in relationships.
Attachment theory affects how individuals relate to the world, find motivation, and direction.
This lecture is organized into understanding the attachment system basics, characterizing attachment styles, and addressing intersections and challenges in relationships.

Humans form relationships for survival; attachment systems developed in our neurobiology.
Attachment Styles:
- Secure Attachment: Healthiest form.
- Anxious Attachment: Insecure, fear of abandonment, amplifies distress signals.
- Avoidant Attachment: Fears connection, retreats from relationships.
- Disorganized Attachment: Severe neglect/trauma, not discussed in detail.
50% secure, 25% anxious, 20% avoidant, 5% disorganized in general population.

Secure Attachment: Balanced, dependable, and capable of compromising.
- Shared life but maintain individual identities.
Anxious Attachment:
- Fear of abandonment, excessive need for closeness, insecurity often leads to manipulation.
- Preoccupied with relationships, struggles with conflict, and demands reassurance.
- May display behaviors such as guilt-tripping, passive-aggressiveness, emotional manipulation.
Avoidant Attachment:
- Fear of closeness, values independence, and sends mixed signals.
- Avoids commitment, critical of partners, and idealizes the perfect partner.
- Engages in behaviors to maintain distance, such as physical space and uncompromising views.

Anxious x Avoidant Pairing:
- Often ends in frustration; anxious person seeks closeness while avoidant person seeks distance.
- Anxious partner’s need for reassurance is unmet by avoidant partner’s need for space.
Secure Attachment Pairing:
- Best outcomes, as secure individuals can balance and accommodate partner's needs effectively.

For Anxious Individuals:
- Recognize internal emotional needs and break the cycle of attachment behaviors.
- Reassess partner choices and ensure needs are met.
For Avoidant Individuals:
- Understand internal avoidance reasoning, focus on emotional literacy.
- Avoid engaging in relationships with non-feasible partners as a distancing method.

Mentalization: Understanding that others have their own thoughts and emotions.
Inter-subjectivity: Blending subjective experiences in a relationship, moving away from right/wrong dynamics.
Seek secure attachment: Over time and with exposure to secure relationships, individuals can move towards secure attachment.

Gender and societal expectations can influence attachment behavior and relationship dynamics.
Polyamory introduces additional complexities in attachment, often dependent on existing relationship health.

Understanding and addressing attachment styles can significantly improve relationship satisfaction and individual emotional well-being. Recognizing internal patterns and behaviors is key to developing healthier attachments in the future.