Rules for Adult Children | Boundaries for Adult Kids Living at Home

Overview

• Increasing trend of adult children living at home into their 20s and beyond.
• Many adult children are idle and unmotivated, creating a national problem.
• The need to teach adult children responsibility and independence.

Key Issues Addressed

1. Verbal Abuse and Property Destruction

• Many parents experience verbal abuse and property destruction from adult children.
• Older children’s behavior is often set unless forced to change.

2. Blaming Parents

• Adult children may blame parents for not being prepared for adulthood.
• Blaming parents is often easier than taking responsibility.

3. Transition to Adulthood

• Transition is stressful and involves solving complex problems.
• Some children make it their parents’ problem rather than becoming independent.

4. Fear of Letting Go

• Parents may fear sending their kids into the world, but independence is crucial.
• Teaching problem-solving skills is essential for adulthood.

5. Comfort and Complacency

• Adult children may become too comfortable at home with little stress.
• A drastic change is often necessary to encourage independence.

6. Implementing Real Change

• Set clear rules for adult children, like job searching and contributing to household chores.
• Use consequences like temporary removal from the home for rule violations.

7. Enforcing Consequences

• Consistent application of consequences is crucial for behavioral change.
• Encourage independence by imposing responsibility.

8. Police Involvement if Necessary

• Use law enforcement to enforce boundaries if necessary.

9. Necessity for Change

• Encourage change for future benefits rather than present comfort.

10. Helping Adult Children Move Out

• Encourage job seeking and financial planning for independence.

11. When They Get a Job

• Implement financial responsibility by having them pay room and board.

12. Addressing Comfort

• Avoid making home too comfortable; push children towards self-sufficiency.

13. Focus on the Future

• Focus on the child’s future independence rather than immediate comfort.

14. Avoiding the Loser Label

• Encourage rather than enable to avoid sending negative non-verbal messages.

15. Never Too Late to Change

• Parents can start enforcing rules and boundaries at any time.

16. Addressing Theft

• Theft by adult children is intolerable and should be treated seriously.

17. Refusing Victimhood

• Parents should not feel like prisoners in their own homes.

18. Addressing Video Game Addiction

• Address fear of responsibility and reliance on video games.

19. Coaching Through Fear

• Help adult children confront and overcome their fears.

20. Empathy Without Excuses

• Empathize but do not accept excuses for lack of independence.

21. Adult Children with Children

• Set limits on adult children living with parents and their own children.

22. Grandparents’ Role

• Grandparents should help, but not enable irresponsible behavior.

23. Responsibility in Parenting

• Adult children should maintain a responsible work schedule and budgeting.

24. Involvement of Family Services

• Involving family services may be necessary if a child’s welfare is at risk.

25. Responsible Love

• Set boundaries out of love and responsibility, not harshness.

Insights from Comments

• Various parents share personal experiences and seek advice.
• Many are dealing with adult children who are unmotivated or abusive.
• Some parents struggle with legal constraints when trying to enforce boundaries.
• Common themes include the need to enforce boundaries and encourage independence.

Final Notes

• Parents should focus on their child’s future and enforce boundaries to foster independence.
• Encouragement, clear rules, and consequences are key.
• It is important to balance empathy with accountability.