Lecture Notes: Effective Post-Breakup Communication

Key Topic: Post-Breakup Communication Strategy

• Objective: Understand what to communicate after a breakup to maintain self-respect and potentially reignite attraction.
• Applicability:
  • Works if the goal is to win them back.
  • Works if the goal is to get over them.
  • Works if unsure about the goal.

Suggested Communication Approach

1. Minimalist Message:

   • Keep the message minimal to aid in reattraction and self-respect.
   • Resist the urge to over-explain or share too much.

2. Content of the Message:

   • Acknowledge the breakup is not what you wanted.
   • Accept the possibility that the breakup might be right.
   • Express that you don't want to be with someone who isn't excited about being with you.
   • Close with no hard feelings and well wishes.

3. Message Impact:

   • Avoids the common mistakes of appearing 'mad' or 'sad'.
   • Prevents the perception that the other person has control over your emotions.

Underlying Principles

• Mad and Sad Reactions:

  • 'Mad' shows emotional immaturity and reinforces the other person’s control.
  • 'Sad' is seen as an appeal for sympathy, which is unattractive.

• Porch Metaphor:

  • Staying ‘on the porch’ means not moving on emotionally, which shows the other person they haven't lost you.

• Resilience and Strength:

  • Projecting resilience and strength is more attractive than being mad or sad.
  • Shows emotional maturity and self-worth.

Strategic Advice

• Project Confidence:

  • Use the breakup as a chance to show you value yourself.
  • Explain your acceptance of the breakup by emphasizing self-worth.

• Impact of the Message:

  • Gives the other person a sense of what they might have lost.
  • Elevates your own sense of self-worth.
  • Avoids being needy or desperate, which is unattractive.

• Final Thoughts:

  • Sending a message of strength leaves a positive impression regardless of the outcome.
  • Maintain self-respect by not begging or pleading.
  • Confidence and self-worth are key to regaining attraction.

Conclusion

• A well-crafted message can serve as a wake-up call to the other person.
• Always take a deep breath and ensure you are ready before sending any message.
• Reassure your own strength and self-worth regardless of post-breakup emotions.

---

For more help, visit realcoachken.com. Like and follow if you found this helpful.