My favorite detail of the whole thing. He's impotent and his wedding's canceled. That the woman canceled because his balls got too big. What happened to your balls? Starring Richard Gere and Holly Hunter.
Yeah. Yeah. My balls too damn big.
Balls too damn big. I typed it up. The balls is too damn big.
I typed it up and sent it to a couple of group chats, but I had an idea. I was sitting with Steven for lunch for a movie, and I think you could do it, but it's called Me Play Joke. You gotta get Matthew Perry.
It's a romantic comedy. He played joke. Matthew Perry is kind of like a mid-tier municipal worker in the city.
Okay. And he's out to dinner at Congee Village with some friends from college and work, celebrating the death of his son. He releases him from child support, which has been hanging over his head for 10 years.
He hasn't paid any. of it. And he's like, that debt is gone.
I don't owe it. You know? And so he's celebrating and he's also 10 years sober because that's the drinking that led to his divorce. And he's like, I can celebrate.
You know, he's like, fuck it. You could have one. He's like, yeah, let me get some, get around the sake.
And they're like, that's the Chinese restaurant. And he's like, I don't fucking know. difference yeah yeah fuck you and yeah and so at dinner one of his co-workers is like a vietnamese guy and it's his mom's birthday or something and he's like gosh he's like i gotta take this call and he's on the phone and he's like no wait you know and then vietnamese and then matthew perry's drunk you know right and he hasn't been drunk in years and so he's like oh you know like making fun of right and you know they're like stop stop what the fuck are you doing and then a chinese woman Like at a table over, like turns to him and she's like, you know, like start speaking to him in Chinese. And he's like, I'm I'm really sorry.
I was just trying to bust my friend's balls or whatever. Yeah. She's like, oh, no, it's just your your Mandarin is remarkable for a non-native. Well, your accent is. Well, he's like, it's perfect.
And then he's like, you know, he's like, oh, she's like. And she's like, call me sometime. And she, like, gives him his number.
Right, right. And he asks his friend, he's like, was I speaking Chinese? The guy's like, I'm Vietnamese. Again, I'm Vietnamese and I don't know.
I don't know. Saki is Japanese. I am Vietnamese.
I'm not sure if you're speaking Chinese. I don't, I have no idea. And then, so, he takes a chance. And he calls the lady.
Right. And, you know, they agree to, like, meet up. And she's like, so, like, it's incredible that you speak Chinese. And he's like, yeah.
And then she's like. She says something to him in Chinese and he doesn't like, he like tries to respond. He's like, bing.
She's like, what? You know, and then he's like, oh, excuse me for a second. Yeah, he has to get drunk.
So he gets drunk. He goes in the bathroom. He's like, you can do this. Right. You know, and they're at dinner and he gets trashed in the bathroom off like hand sanitizer.
Right, Ian's finance style. Yeah. And he comes back out and he's like, oh, boozing.
Well, you know, and she's like enamored and he's like speaking Chinese. And then so we have this whole like scene where he's, they're kind of like. building this romance together, and he's speaking Chinese and his friends are concerned. They're like, Matt, Matthew Perry, the character, it's the true story of your life. He's playing himself.
He's playing himself 20 years earlier. They're like, dude, you're a complete fucking alcoholic. This is really worried about you. He's like, hey, I'm finally free of this.
bullshit of my past life. My child is finally dead. I'm getting Asian pussy for the first time.
I'm in love. I'm in love, and I'm not going to let you fucking... And I know Chinese.
I'm not going to let you fucking faggots rain on my parade. And they're like, it doesn't make sense that you're speaking Chinese or whatever. And then so, like, the romance is building, and then one day he goes to her apartment this year, and the apartment's like, you know, he, like, knocks on the door and it just opens, and it's, like, completely empty.
Oh, no. And Wei Ling is gone. Oh, no. And he's like, what the fuck?
And he's like, he's like, you know, did she leave or something? So he's like, I got to write her a note. So he runs to like the corner store and gets a couple of like little, like little airport shooters.
And so he starts drinking. And then like, he's like, like, like as he's drinking out on the street and he's writing this note, like all the streetlights go off, like everything. There's a whole blackout in the city and he's not thinking about it. He just scrawls a bunch of like, we see him scribbling some Chinese nonsense on like a, And he just wedges it in the door.
And then he's like really drunk. So he just goes home to sleep it off. And then bang! 4 a.m.
doors kick down. FBI. Wow.
Department of Homeland Security. And they're like, where the fuck, where the fuck were you last night? You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he's arrested and thrown in jail.
He's like, what did I, what the fuck did I do? What did I do? And then he's arrested. Weyling turns out to be a communist party.
He's a spy. Wow. The guy was getting him drunk and exploiting.
He got his access to his municipal power grid. Right. They destroyed the power grid in New York. So he didn't know Chinese. So he didn't know Chinese.
And on top of that, he finds out that he does, in fact, still owe child support. Wow. The debt doesn't go away because the child died. Because the child died. So now he...
Ha ha ha! And the ex-wife has already gotten a lien on us, so his money's gone. Right.
Oh, my God. Everything's falling apart. And then he's sitting in jail, and, you know, his friends are like, well, we don't know how to help you, dude. Like, we warned you. It's like, we should probably, we've got to look out for ourselves.
We can't be talking to you because you're accused of treason, basically. Right. You get the death penalty for that.
And he's in his cell, and then an Asian woman comes in dressed, you know, in, like, a lawyer's suit. He's like, Wei Ling? She's like, no, my name is Tina.
I'm a public defender. I'm your public defender. I'm Taiwanese.
Yeah, I'm a completely different person. And he's like, what's going on? They're like, well, you know, you've been, like, accused of, you know, she tells them what's up. And he's, you know, at first she finds him to be like this boorish alcoholic.
Of course. And then she's like, yeah, I mean, it's pretty stupid and racist to think that, you know. Yeah.
And he's like, and then he's like explained to her. He's like, I didn't do this. He's like, you have to understand. All I ever wanted my entire life was to get pussy from an Asian girl. Right.
And, like, I've been a fucking loser forever. You've been a loser, been a father, friends have been off the air for six years at this point. Yeah. I'm a fucking drunk. All I've wanted to do, and then, you know, and he's like, yeah, I feel like, yeah, so, yeah, to a certain extent, like, you know, I'm a fraud.
I get it. But, you know, and then she tries to relate to him, you know, that her grandfather had to pretend to be Japanese to get around the Chinese Exclusion Act. You know, so, you know, it's like you do what you got to do.
Right. And then he's like, what's the difference? And she's like mad. And he's like, because they're all beautiful. And then she's like, wow, I think I'm falling in love.
I'm falling in love with this guy. He must be innocent. Right, of course.
And then so. So the state's key piece of evidence is the note that they have him leaving on Wei Ling's door, which peruses some collusion. Because it sort of looks like Chinese, but it doesn't make any sense. They can't tell what it says.
They can't tell. They think it's code. And so he takes the public defender out to Kanji Village. where they went the first night. Right.
And she realizes that they're menu items from Kanji Village. That he sort of just... So he sort of can speak Chinese.
No, he just remembered a couple of characters. Okay, okay, okay. In his subconscious.
In his subconscious. Oh, okay, okay. And then she proves that it's just the menu from Kanji Village or whatever scrawled on there.
He gets off. And no child support either? And... And no, he just ignores it.
No, no, sorry, he doesn't ignore it. What it turns out is that Tina, the public defender, her family is a bunch of Chinese billionaires. So he just lives off her and decides to keep drinking.
That's awesome. And then when we close on, it's a year later, and he's like going over to her parents'house and taking off his shoes and just speaking like perfect Mandarin. That's awesome. I drive. and it's called Me Play Joke.
Me Play Joke. Sorry, man. What's the titular joke?
What? That he was fake Chinese. Wait, Nick, can I ask you a question?
What? Is any part of that if you look inside of your own soul, is that a fantasy for your own life. You don't understand, Adam. I'm not a yellow fever guy. Well, I'm just saying, like, you know, you've been sober for a long time.
You haven't had alcohol for a long time. It does seem to scratch a lot of itches. You love Chinese culture.
Well, any artist, yeah, part of themselves. You're sharing. Certainly part about falling off the wagon and the moral at the end of the story being that you should continue drinking.
Yeah. Well, I mean, it's not, honestly, it's not that much different than the best part of your life is when you live with the chinese family and in this way you could marry into it and be part of the family forever yeah you don't have to be a mid-level bureaucrat like you are right now yeah as this is a government podcast of course that we're working of course this is the government this is the government show your pussy you must send pussy picture to vikram government at gmail.co.in Oh, fuck. That's good, man.
Me play joke was good. So who are you thinking for? Like Sandra Wu and Awkwafina?
No. Sandra Oh. Sandra Oh. Yeah.
I mean. No, there's just somebody named Sandra Wu, isn't there? Probably.
Check the phone book. There's somebody named Sandra Wu. I made a post. Oh, hell yeah.
I went on my phone and it's still Mimi Rogers breasts. Oh, cool. You should make that your background.
I might. Here's the poster for it. Nick, I think this is an incredible three-act film. I guess she's not an actress. So that's Tina, the lawyer.
That's Wei Ling. Wei Ling looks like a K-pop star. And that's Matthew Perry in the middle. Wow.
Wow, she's really hot. There's an actress named something Wu. John Wu?
Constance Wu? I think maybe. That sounds right.
Yeah, that's her name. Where's she from? She's pretty hot, I don't know. Wuhan? She's all fresh off the boat.
Oh. Oh yeah, she is pretty hot. Yeah, what's up?