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motorcade Duty so boring I honestly would rather sit around and listen to you talk about the right way to make paa there's more than one right way to make paa Jake there are 10 right ways you got classic valencian modern no wait stop I changed my mind I've made a horrible mistake hey Rosa just who I was looking for quick question can I have your friend Katie's phone number I want to ask her out no I don't mix personal and professional you're never getting her number never like we're never going to have a black president never cuz that happened a real ever like if you ever ask me about this again you're never going to be able to eat without a straw okay well you are on the wrong side of History my friend Katie huh wow I can't believe you're not so pining for Amy I mean I Pine for years I still think about Mia the nurse that helped my nana pass yes I know you've told me like a hundred times about the time your nana collapsed and accidentally pulled me his pants down best day of my life I don't have feelings for Amy anymore so time for me to get out there and spread my way legs get out there and spread my legs well I either way no not either way only Wings ladies and gentlemen we are gathered here today to answer an age-old question right what's Amy's deal is she single no we're dating come on the question is who here does the best impression of Captain Raymond Holt you will be judged on voice body language and overall lack of flare everyone will perform the same scenario Captain Holt eating a marshmallow for the very first time let the HT off begin again what is this glutenous monstrosity before me the sugar in this is quite sweet that's your halt impression I could hear him doing that looks like a sticky pillow I don't care for it classical music what's going on here what are you doing Captain hey nothing just eating some marshmallows care for one marow I knew it hey the death sergeant said we're hosting a forensic Sciences course yes talk by Dr Ronald ye he revolutionized the field of forensic entomology he is a rockar oh please rock stars wish they were he the man could tell how long a corpse has been decomposing just by studying the maggots inside I'd like to see Barbara strand do that not sure Barbara stran counts as a rockar sir she sings in English that's rock music so do you recognize any of these men I was hiding in the bathroom stall so I didn't see his face but I heard him he was singing along to the music at the bar do you remember what he was singing I think it was that song I Want It That Way backst Street Boys I'm familiar okay number one could you please sing the opening to I Want It That Way really okay you are my fire number two keep it going the one desire number three believe when I say number four I want it that way tell me why ain't nothing but a heart a tell me why ain't nothing but a m now number five I never want to hear you say I want that way chills literal chills it was number five number five killed my brother oh my God I forgot about that part can't sleep either huh this cow screaming is so loud so loud is it a pleasure sound or pain maybe they're into both I hear they're into leather was that a joke Gallows humor being in this B Vine brothel is truly a nightmare yes lunchtime wait over that was easy totally I feel like we just had our snack an hour and 17 minutes ago I never got into diets though I did take diet pills in the 7s I love these pills they give me so much energy and I can eat whatever I want oh God he's dead actually I was in a coma when I woke up I had so much meal weight loss science has come a long way since then ingredients carrot got to respect that blast of cold air coming out of that box name of Amy sex tape hey man come on not cool I'm going through something just let me have this one so Lieutenant sorry to take up your time I just wanted to go over the com set numbers with you real quick um what the is something wrong are the com stat numbers bad the numbers are fine and I have to go oh okay then why'd you ask for this meeting don't follow me Terry what I wasn't going to this was a very confusing interaction I have a plan great what's the scheme well when I first moved in I took a couple selfies to commemorate getting my own office a couple oh please like you don't have any selfies let me see your camera roll zero photos that's so much weirder thank you anyway look if you zoom in enough you can see the business card we can recreate it and print a new one does that say zeff Wilcox zeff no it's probably Jeff you know like a normal human name names are all made up there's no such thing as a normal name Terry I am not putting Zep on that card it's your funeral have you found my business card uh you know what I actually brought it home by accident I got confused because I know someone with that name you know another Ze is that my childhood Kabuto it most certainly is but don't worry I removed the scrunches old report cards and photos of young Al Gore I'm better looking than him anyway we're talking a young Al Gore foral you do make me laugh okay sticks a little bit H sorry I think feeling a little awkward yeah me too how do we make it not weird I know let's just get super drunk yes great idea pardon me ma'am could you please bring us four kamakazi shots and four for me as well ah I like your style see we can do this we're back on track we're keeping it light and freezy so we broke a rule yeah I hope it wasn't a mistake hope it wasn't a mistake title of your sex tape title of our sex [Music] tape oh my God Ros is wearing pink rose is wearing pink are we sure it's not a white shirt that's just been blooded in a motorcycle crash well maybe it wasn't her does she have a twin sister if Rosa had a twin she would have eaten her in the womb wait hold it stop how come none of you teased her about it it's Rosa she's scary you guys are unbelievable I once wore tie with a splash of purple you guys called me Mr grapes for 2 years oh Mr grapes I forgot about Mr grapes if I wore a pink shirt you'd tear me to shreds well yeah but you'd look like a My Little Pony with a gun let me guess your theater Club is putting on grease and you're playing a pink lady nice good one good what are you guys laughing at if Bo was wearing a pink shirt I get it it that's hilarious what's happening Rose is the one wearing pink and it's gorgeous wish I could pull that off dream on Strawberry Shortcake yeah nice try Mr grapes Mr grapes Mr grap Mr the futility of lighting candles only to blow them out immediately is just one reason I find children's birthday parties impractical that's fake I say fake too I don't remember saying so it must be fake it was real car's kids at their birthday party oh I remember now do another one do another all right phrase number two any smile that lasts longer than a second and a half is a con man's ruse that's fake F that's one I said it and I meant it I am straight up depressed Amy's been doing her best to cheer me up she gave me the sticker this morning just for waking up e it's like you're dating your teacher I know it's so hot meanwhile Hol won't even talk to me how is he by the way honestly terrible I've only heard from him once this week and that was to tell me he'd finally come up with a new non-threatening term for task forces y'all ready for this do groups wow that sucks tremendously can I have another Port you're still drinking that stuff yeah Hulk got me hooked on it I even got a bottle for my house it's really classing up the booze and take out menu's shelf wait a minute I think I just figured something out I got to go aren't you forgetting something uh no pay your bill damn who raised you you really hurt my feelings by leaving me off your team oh I had no idea you felt that way well it doesn't feel great to be left out right totally I get it I'm sorry Captain Holt what why are you yelling at my boobs because that's where the camera is nice try Ray Ray there's no camera Jake I was being serious okay fine if you're telling the truth then I sincerely apologize but since you're not I will defeat you whoa what's with the cast I spray my wrist oh no what happened don't worry about it I'm fine yeah geez Amy back off leave the guy alone all right headle up everybody bring it in bring it in so he wouldn't say what happened which can only mean one thing he's in a fight club no he did at doing something he's embarrassed by like smiling only question is how do you hurt your arm smiling could be a sports injury I sprained my wrist in college playing field hockey men's field hockey yeah it's much more violent than the women's game we're not allowed to wear anything that protects our breasts attention everyone I can hear you speculating about the nature and origin of my injury from my office I tripped over an uneven sidewalk I did not think it was relevant to your jobs the jobs which you should all be doing right now get to work do you want to know how I actually hurt my rest yes I was hula hooping Kevin and I attend a class for fitness and for fun oh my god I've mastered all the moves the pizza toss the tornado the Scorpion the oopsy doodle why are you telling me this because no one will ever believe you no no you sick son of a heard you guys got that Finance creep congratulations thanks but there's nothing to congratulate me about Amy's just upset because the historically entrenched patriarchy has created a culture of victim shaming that suppresses any power shift in our mascul phallic system I couldn't sleep last night so I watched a documentary on Netflix about feminism I love you he's not answering any questions that's okay I have no questions that's right I'm about to monologue son better make it quick you only got minutes all right then let me paint you a picture I'm philli a successful periodontist that's become addicted to diap pan a said it if I take because I'm junky scum also for real addiction is a disease I would be super empathetic if you hadn't murdered a man what is the point of this I'll get there so one day I'm working late when my boss Robert surprises me he found out I was stealing meds again jucky scum also again not your fault there's a major genetic component to addiction he says he's going to file a police report I could lose my license we fight and something in me just snaps so I grab the first thing I can find and I hit him with it you still have no murder weapon I do now here's a pick I found on Yelp of the surgical Suite 6 months ago and here is a shot that our crime scene photographer took of the same room 2 weeks after the murder notice any differences we're not answering that that's all right I can just tell you myself the Yelp shot has six of these heavy Looking Glass awards from the Brooklyn periodontic Society in the background whereas this shot only has five what happened to number six you murdered Robert with it I you lost all control and you bludgeoned him to death there must have been blood everywhere but you got lucky you were in the surgical Suite it can be sterilized you never would have gotten away with it in your carpeted office that's not what happened don't say anything more pH and your office man manager would have heard all of the screaming but she was at her grandson's play lucky again you put Robert's body into a wheelchair and shoved it in the elevator it's a miracle there wasn't blood everywhere that's not true now you're in the garage with a corpse you panicked and left your phone in your office and you don't have your car keys but Roberts are in his pocket so you put him in his car and you take off you can't believe what you've done pH you're flustered you have no GPS so you just start driving pH next thing you know you're in the pine Barons and it hits you your uncle's cabin he has a place there you're the luckiest son of a yes it was you got lucky at every turn I knew exactly where I was driving I left my phone in the office on purpose I was in a surgical Suite by Design and I didn't use some glass award that any idiot would clearly see what's missing I made a rod out of a special dental polymer killed him with it then melted it back down it's already in a patient's mouth son Jake really pissed me off and I want to help you take him down well that's an intriguing proposition you certainly could be useful thank you to Jake I got you Peralta you're not fooling anyone why does everyone think that's where a camera would be because the cleavage cloaks the camera with its curves that'll be all Spy sorry I said cleavage have a nice weekend for ala yeah nothing special you got a couple you missed Skully's birthday was kind of a big one nobody showed at the party guys guys guys we missed gully's birthday day and it was a big one I know I panicked and said I had to go to the vet because my puppy cat got sick I said I had to take my mom to get birth control pills that's better than my excuse I said I had to go to my girl bot misus Squad we missed scully's birthday and it was a big one I told them I was in Ecuador I think they bought it we got to make it up to him let's give them cash everyone put in $20 each uh yes I'll cover you hey Scully huh we're sorry that we missed your party oh don't worry about it you you all that stuff to do yes the capital of Ecuador is Kito anyway happy birthday from all of us thanks guys you're you're the best Happ birth I can't believe it the fake birthday work you're a genius we're both Geniuses Thumbtack M that was my Thumbtack mug the oong Slayer last struck five years ago he left behind no DNA or fingerprints but he did leave his calling card a teabag in his victim's mouth yeah how cool I mean awful is that very cool I mean awful what's our strategy one re-examine all of the task Force's files two check all bnes against these Slayer Mo and three think of something super cool to say when we arrest him my leading Contender you're going to jail for oo long time dick that's really good right let's not Overlook the fact that turned his crime scenes into tea parties for dollies which suggests pre-adolescent trauma leading to a pattern of criminality that probably began as a juvenile I'm taking an abnormal site class and everyone in it is obsessed with me you look into the bnes and I'll check out the juvie Angle now before we begin in Earnest I'd like to propose a toast that's what Globes are for a 25y Old Port seems appropriate I would have gone 10 I don't know what poor it is to catching a serial killer to catching a serial killer to Rihanna because I love Rihanna okay careful we only get one shot at this barter don't worry I know what I'm doing I saw the first 15 minutes of The Hurt Locker hurry the CCH is too much we got to get those shoes out of here how much time do we have Scully ate his poey 30 minutes ago so we probably got 10 minutes left on this nap 12 if he's turkey tired all right come get up it's trapped abort Mission I have an idea let's send these shoes to hell oh wait yeah it just smells worse than before oh yeah abort okay I've got something oh that's not Brandon's profile it's mine I just want a quick peek at your attendance record zero absences oh mama printing this for later keep it in your pants Santiago oh that's exactly where it's going okay here's Brandon's info third period for semester any of these people on the football team Scott Alfred Taylor black wow Tom Brady different Tom Brady he was in theater although he was the MVP of that Year's production of Fiddler wait a minute Danny Matthews that's the guy he was on the football team that's the bastard who set me up yeah and look at this you did so much community service me likey hey Squad lunch is on me today taking everyone out for pizza and that's how you improve morale okay you're not the only Sergeant around here let me help this side of the room lunch is on me and we're getting something better than pizza Sushi are you trying to outdo me me no no just trying to raise morale cool cool cool cool morale morale morale guys I have a great idea for a prank before Holt comes in I'm going to put ink on the podium where he puts his hands I don't think you're fall for that I did how I haven't even opened this yet I guess it's unrelated Captain hold hates pranks this is going to backfire man G fine I'll tone it down I'll move his Podium a foot to the left what it'll be so angry okay five in five three three one one all right I'll move it a half inch fine it's your funeral oh my God worst prank ever so stupid Holt's not even going to notice good morning you guys it the podium is you're crazy how did you pull this off lost of speed it sucks at least you didn't have a Sister Act taken from you rco confessed the undercover operation is over but I just got a spot in the choir wait is that the real reason you left the force it didn't help right look I don't care that I lost to speed I care that the FBI is not taking the case seriously they think the bomber is just some idiot but what if he's not an idiot what if he wanted it to go off at midnight oh my God he wanted it to go off at midnight why wouldn't it just be an empty parking lot with nobody in it yeah but there could be a Target there which he would try to hit again there's going to be a second bomb just like in speed I've got a speed again I thought you said you didn't care about it being a speed of course I care about it being a speed that's all I care about I've got to go you owe me money for this good one Rosa thanks for hand laminating Santiago of course if you ask me saving energy is trending oh Gina didn't see you there Gina did you shut off your space heater yet space heater doesn't ring any bells Jinta oh no she's still going strong I will take that thing away from you by force if necessary well come and get it serious L the heater's under your skirt maybe you can't prove that yeah I can there's a cord running under it and I think you may be on fire so what do you mean so I'm not giving up Justa you are on fire Gina you do not have the upper hand in this situation I always have the upper hand not when there's flame shooting out of your butt especially when there's flame shooting out of my butt damn [Music] it how the hell did I lose that one I'm here I'm here I'm here you can start the meeting now the meeting is over you're late you missed roll call and the tutorial on using the new copier 6 years and no matter how hard I try I still can't get you to understand The Importance of Being punctual maybe you should just give up and accept me for who I am no I will break you right now while you were out being being tardy I was hard at work devising a special punishment I've crafted an intricate personal high five with everyone in this office except you what but you hate high fives yes every minute of it was hell but it'll be worse for you Squad dismissed goodbye Diaz salute into a fanny wagle goodbye Bo this Snake Charmer goodbye Jeffers that's a butt bump goodbye sanago double fist bump reverse explosion into a Pete Town strum all right that was terrible but it's over now and I made it through goodbye Leonard from Xerox what no no the copy guy Olivia Crawford just tweeted a post of an officer carrying a woman through needy floodwaters spoiler alert they are of different races ter tear it up I love when Calamity brings people together sir it got another retweet from the mayor it got a retweet from the governor well I have already set up my accounts and not to toot my own bugle but I think I did an admirable job oh okay what's your handle I'll be your first follower it's at 5261 796 D6 e6420 486 F6 c74 it spells Raymond holdt in heximal code clever right Captain are you sure you wouldn't like some help with this oh no need now for my first tweet I think I should give an update on the water main break that's actually informative NYC H2O dmain sitre colon at 2040 EDT current PSI 456 Max cap 20400 LPM suck on that tasty lemon drop Olivia Crawford oh look at that an alert I'm probably trending already what my account has been deactivated Twitter thinks you're a bot why I'm a human I'm a human male hey there you are and oh my God what is happening I've gotten mad and now I'm getting even okay look sir I know you're upset but you need to stay calm and treat this like any other case I I can't believe I'm going to say this but now is not the time to go all John Wick who's that a friend of your I wish but he's not a real person he's a movie assassin that goes nuts when someone messes with his dog then call me John Wicks because I'm about to go nuts it's Wick singular and you already did go nuts it cost us the trace remember look I need you to focus the kidnapper texted his demands how much does the bastard want from my little doggy well that's just it he doesn't want money he requested all the files we worked for May 2004 it's a lead he's got to be connected to one of those cases somehow interesting you know what else is interesting grenades just please stop it Ding Dong The W is dead bagels for everyone so I guess you believe it now y want to see the Selfies I took actually yes I'll share the album with you oh my God I just heard about wch she was so young for a redwood tree uh I don't understand what's going on why are you crying a person is dead I feel sad that's insane you don't feel sad when a monster dies in a monster movie in ET do you feel sad when ET dies yes he wasn't a monster he caused a real commotion good morning boy it's Halloween I'm surprised you didn't put on a costume I was going to sir but then I decided screw that jazz well I'm the only one who ever dresses up no one ever gets my costume and they make fun of me so I'm done these people don't deserve my dress up gifts Charles seriously no costume what the hell Charles where's your Halloween spirit but you guys always make fun of me I have never once insulted you in my life especially Visa your appearance yeah man we always love your costumes remember last year when you came as that person Andor thing yes I do remember sir permission to Sprint to my car and get my emergency costume does it matter if I say no [Music] no bam bam boom what the what why are you dressed up you look like an idiot yeah what are you supposed to be a sassy Karma kid no come on he's clearly the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot Harry poptart I am not you know who I am Squad that's enough you're making boil for bat on purpose he's Elvis yes Elvis sto the Canadian figure skater no [Music]