manipulation body language dark psychology nlp mind control and how to analyze people master your emotions influence people brainwashing hypnotism stoicism personality types and persuasion dark psychology secrets defend yourself from brainwashing mind games dark persuasion deception hypnotism and undetected mind control learn techniques of emotional influence and intelligence written by jake smith narrated by steven justice copyright 2019 by jake smith all rights reserved this document is geared towards providing exact and reliable information with regards to the topic and issue covered the publication is sold with the idea that the publisher is not required to render accounting officially permitted or otherwise qualified services if advice is necessary legal or professional a practiced individual in the profession should be ordered from a declaration of principles which was accepted and approved equally by a committee of the american bar association and a committee of publishers and 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any type of guarantee assurance the trademarks that are used are without any consent and the publication of the trademark is without permission or backing by the trademark owner all trademarks and brands within this book are for clarifying purposes only and are owned by the owners themselves not affiliated with this document introduction psychology is a study of how people think feel and react to various situations based on the emotional physical and mental elements that play a role in determining the behavior of an individual dark psychology encompasses all those causes and aspects that are often hard to discuss with others uncomfortable acknowledging that we need management assistance sometimes professionally or medically and even deny that they exist because they are too sinister or frightening to accept the subconscious is one of human nature's most dynamic elements the mind's functioning is something that is puzzled and intrigued humanity for as long as we can remember philosophers psychologists and researchers sought to solve the mind's mysteries it is a general belief that our behavior and actions are influenced by the human mind so a lot of research work has gone into understanding a person's mental process whether good or bad before taking action some attempts to study the human mind have focused on the brain these experiments explore the brain's physical aspects with the focus on how data is obtained processed interpreted and stored essentially they hope to get a better understanding of how a person's way of reasoning can be affected by the brain such studies have paid the way for progress in managing weakening conditions such as alzheimer's perception problems and even memory loss psychology is the most familiar aspect of the study of the human mind we either consulted a therapist at some point in our lives or knew someone to talk with to handle our toughest emotional fights the experiences of our life wear us down many times in ways that we cannot repair on our own the breakdown often stems from certain biological markers that we inherited from our ancestors our daily experiences are darkened by emotions such as depression anxiety and fear making it difficult to thrive we can protect ourselves from the darkness within with a combination of drugs and therapy but what about other people's darkness everyone has the potential to do great good they had the power to do great evil as well under emotions such as sadness depression joy and happiness there is a deep seed desire that can lead us to deliberately harm others unless those urges are brought under control these darker impulses are embedded in the more primitive instincts that encourage our survival such as flight or fight response sometimes only one word determines the human response to these dark emotions evil dark psychology is a study of the human condition in relation to human beings emotional disposition to prey on others in layman terms dark psychology examines the aspect of human nature which allows us to take actions that intentionally and knowingly injure our fellow human beings in this sense the use of prey does not necessarily translate into a person's physical damage though a subset of dark psychology is completely devoted to this we will briefly touch on these areas in the following chapters to gain a better understanding of the topic you may have come across words or phrases in movies or books that refer to darkness within it has even been referred to by some of the most famous philosophers christian's respected book talks about how man's heart is deeply sinful we've all found that a person we've defined has unusually calm or relaxed in social settings to perpetrate an act so devious that we find it hard to connect with the individual in question we're the person sometimes it's not completely shocking as surprising as it may seem just activated reactions to external circumstances are those events so to say the pot was stirred and the dark feelings hiding beneath cool to the surface they usually retreat once control is exercised if the right buttons are pushed everyone has a latent tendency to be a bit naughty or just plain evil on the other hand some other individuals have complete control over these dark emotions they cultivate them feed them and they gladly unleash them at the detriment of another human when it serves their own purposes sometimes from an early age these feelings are groomed a child learns that the adults in their lives hurry to do their bidding if they weep in a certain way if the parents don't force the error of this on the child early enough the child grows up believing that people in their lives can be manipulated to make their offering the weeping would cease to be a tool as they grow but their manipulative ways would continue we use feelings where they don't use tears to threaten their victims so what started has an innocent childish behavior becomes a dark need to be controlled the lengths to be exercised by this individual would define the intensity of their actions dark psychology is all about researching a person like this thinking process it seeks to understand the motives behind these actions the patterns shown to be followed from before these acts are performed and sheds more light on how a person can voluntarily see those actions to conclude knowing the hurt and pain that it may cause another person dark psychology illuminates human nature's dark side the following chapters will address subjects related to dark psychology and manipulating people such as the art of persuasion and the various forms of approaches that involve such as covert persuasion and dark persuasion strategies the broad variety of psychological methods that operate in the world every day and how to identify them do you wonder how cults that seem so dangerous and daunting to be viewed from the outside continue to draw people to reinforce their convictions and their isolated community using psychological techniques like coercion intimidation and brainwashing is just a small part of how these forms of predators and master manipulators gain control over others and use them to further their own interests and improve their lifestyle there is an enormous amount of information available to the point where finding your way through dark psychology and all the different areas of research included in the field can seem difficult deception is everywhere but you're not always able to see it that's why you can compare it to many different common behaviors we don't always know about manipulators add to spiders or insects that are vindictive always lurking around unknown to us you don't always feel it when they bite but you're sure to notice the wound long after the initial attack we need to start becoming more aware of manipulation in order to live happily in our world if you recognize that someone is trying to control you staying out of their control grasp will be much easier this book will take you through the process of returning to a place where you can make your own decisions consistently if you begin to better identify manipulation how it develops how it affects your life the navigating without it will only become easier interacting with others may include doing your best to safely avoid it stopping ourselves from being manipulated however is not the only important thing we are going to talk about we're going to pay close attention to how you can make yourself a convincing human and though you may have been affected by exploitation in the past or even harmed your mental health by being yourself the manipulator there is hope now that we can work for ourselves towards a better future this is done by becoming a person that is inspiring and potentially influential with the little we now understand about dark psychology we know that certain personality traits linked to dark psychology are embedded in some of the most disturbing criminal offenses but it's a bigger side effect i want to bring you and me closer to home how is this dark psychology influencing us if it affects us at all i can tell you that this issue has no ifs and we'll explain how in a few short moments both the abuser and the survivor experience the effects of dark psychology we need to discuss certain aspects of dark psychology in order to know the impacts people who exhibit certain characteristics of personality that are considered mysterious such as narcissism psychopathy and machiavellianism are likely to experience problems in all facets of their relationships they have a higher propensity to commit a crime if all three traits are present in one person the three aforementioned personality traits have specific characteristics grouped under them for example narcissism is characterized by a sense of entitlement emotions of superiority intense jealousy of others success and exploitative behavior psychopathy has an absence of conscience an absence of compassion aggressive impulsive behavior self-centeredness and an inability to accept responsibility has some of the symptoms machiavellian characteristics are indicators of selfishness ruthlessness and manipulative behavior these traits are problematic separately but they can be put together to spell trouble especially in the relationship between a person and others in the workplace for instance that person would underperform in the office even with the most mundane tasks disrupt productivity because of their inability to get along with others would be intensely disliked by others and their impulsiveness would lead them to make questionable decisions that are not ethical if they are put in an administrative capacity they are more likely to commit white-collar crime in their personal relationships they are likely to face the following problems their constant need for attention and affirmation for their partner may be overwhelming resulting in faster expiration dates on relationships that they turn to physical and emotional coercion to exploit their partners if on the other hand you are the one who is experiencing this receive the emotional assistance you need to change no matter how deeply rooted these issues are with the right form of therapy you will change your actions and perceptions the first step is to accept the situation for what it is recognize that you have a problem and immediately seek help for the rest of us it leaves us emotionally and mentally drained to deal with people who have the traits i mentioned above the effect can be physical at times and fatal in extreme cases the poor neighbor whose awful experience prompted me to write this book actually lost everything on this trip his home his career his finances but his loss was far deeper and greater than these we have not had a friendship with the axe perpetrator but we have also been witnesses the defeats were not as severe as they were but we also suffered losses we missed our nice neighbor for the first time she didn't die but from the experience she never recovered we lost our ability to have confidence in strangers even our relationships seem to require an extra layer of confidence to thrive the dark psychology's biggest impact on anyone is that it creates a deep sense of loss we're losing our valuables we're losing relationships we're losing ourselves i'm going to explain that in a bit and losing their lives for those who are extremely unhappy given all aspects it's safe to say this shadow's effect is profound if an individual displays one of the dark personality traits according to psychologists there is a very strong likelihood for the person to show the others in general society it is safe to say that the crime perpetration rates in that society would be significantly high if the larger members of society exhibit these traits that is not to say that people are more criminally inclined to live in cities or countries with higher crimes there are other factors that contribute to consideration but neither can the prospect be completely excluded however the ripple effect of actions directly related to or as a result of dark personality traits is one thing that cannot be ruled out there are certain negative habits that turn victims into abusers as well and this cycle continues well into the future until somebody has a courage to break free and take the bold step for example children from abusive homes grow up to be abusers more often than in some cases they find themselves trapped in equally abusive relationships in their attempt to break away from the parental mold even though they are not the abusers themselves it's almost like having a very strong gravitational pull toward the violent elements that dominated their home throughout their youth for some becoming victims can have such tremendous impact on their psyche as to cause something to snap inside them i read that it may be temporary snapping they lose all control over their primitive instincts in a brief moment and act solely on the greatest emotion that emerges that are normally furious that's what causes some people to sue for temporary insanity yet people embrace the dark emotions that surface when they snap any sense immorality is going out of the window generally the outcome is catastrophic manipulation is risky but it can become a beneficial force if it is put in a more positive light if you can be a convincing person and not only get what you want but also satisfy other people's needs it will make it easier for you to get the things you want most in life rather than always doing things that you don't like being the yes man or allowing people to take advantage of your good nature you can become as powerful as a people who have previously tried to control you you may even be at a stage where you are absolutely afraid of coercion why would you like to do something to others that in the past has caused you to grieve this kind of thinking is because only the negative types of manipulation were known to us it is important that we become articulate individuals who know what we want in order to live a harmonious life not only that but it's important to make sure we have the tools to understand how these things can be done the first important step in this method is to identify the forms of manipulators of personality as well as the individuals they usually follow you may have heard of the famous type of personality narcissist a person who only thinks about himself and gets the things he wants narcissists may benefit from compassion or highly sensitive people who are more concerned with other people's well-being after that we will continue to explore constructive manipulative attitudes and how in your own relationships you can incorporate some of these helpful behaviors you will be better able to see how positive influence will change your life for the better if you can do this besides that we're also going to discover how our bodies communicate the signals and responses we're giving off and what other people might take away from our body language in contrast to our verbal communication the more you will grasp influence the easier it will be to stop being affected by yourself and to make those around you better once we understand what all this entails the majority of the popular ideas we will share throughout the book will be easier to learn and practice remember at the end of the day that you should only have a positive influence on others while it may seem easier to manipulate those you want something from negatively the person you'd most hurt in this process will be yourself always look for ways to influence each other positively so that both parties can benefit each other let's get this book started chapter one what is dark psychology understanding why people are the way we are has been a subject of emotional philosophical behavioral and psychological study in one form or another since human beings became self-aware through evolution our ability to understand imagine and change the way we or others view the world through slight alterations in thinking or sing are just some of the amazing talents that the human brain is capable of with all the good aspects of life that are simulated and all the inventions developed from the human mind many people are reluctant to think about the shadowy side of human thought emotion and behavior and how it stems from the wondrous mental organ that keeps the rest of the body running as it should despite those who prefer not to think about the darker side of humanity there are those in the world of psychology who have dedicated their lives identifying characteristics and emotional traits monitoring and studying individual behaviors understanding points of view and definitions of the world predicting dangerous or harmful behaviors individuals may be capable of acting on their own it's all about how you choose to use it or protect yourself from it as soon as you know what kind of people circumstances situations statements and actions you want to keep an eye out for we'll start our journey through the darker side of the human mind by looking more closely at the concept of dark psychology its history and the various elements that make it one of the most fascinating brain related themes and how it works at the most primal and private level psychology is a subject that has attracted the attention of millions around the world and has now become invaluable in both health and justice matters unfortunately psychology has a negative cloud around it which makes people hesitate to trust their own psychological health and the expertise of others in most cases this hesitation stems from a lack of knowledge or understanding of what psychology is and how it can be used daily to improve people's daily lives psychology studies have had a massive impact on human self-awareness and understanding of emotions but the subject has a whole is far greater and has a far greater impact on our daily lives than many credit for psychology is defined as the study of the science behind the thoughts emotions and actions that govern each human being on the basis of his or her own personal history or inclination to learned or developed behavior in other words people who study psychology are driven by curiosity and the quest for knowledge as to why people are the way we are dark psychology examines the hidden parts of the human mind the areas that people try to ignore bury or cover if they are even aware of them others use their familiarity with dark psychological techniques to influence the thoughts of others gain control of others or manipulate people to do what they are told sometimes without ever suspecting that their thoughts or actions were not their own some of the most widely read and discussed subsections of dark psychology include cyber stalking and other virtual predatory behavior this category includes personalities as mild as internet trolls on social media sites to the most serious has virtual identity thieves those who have made a lasting mark on the entertainment industry and those who have dominated many artistic careers have faint the psychological tactics of persuasion and reading people for their success in their chosen fields every person's experience with dark psychology in his or her personal life depends on the individual's personality and if he or she is a type to try to keep himself or herself from being the victim of dark psychological techniques or if he or she is the sort to use them on others has a way to advance his or her own position to benefit from a certain situation or to consciously cause harm if dark psychology is such an issue of interest why is it still considered to be such a new and scarcely established branch in the psychological world one of the many reasons for this is that while psychology has a whole is still a newer concept in the history of medicine dark psychology has a field of study is one of the newest developments in psychology since it has become a serious subject in mainstream society dark psychology made its imprint on the field in the early 2000s when psychologists around the world were determined to better understand cyber criminals and began collecting knowledge about criminal psychology and profiling people to help catch them or predict their next attacks before they ever had a chance to set them off research into the individual traits associated with dark psychology known as a trait of malevolence has been going on for decades leading to some of the world's biggest developments in injustice and criminal law such as criminal profiling and investigative services dedicated to its study and enhanced a government level from county level cops to international investigators numerous uses have been made for the entertainment business that continues to be explored including high quality and informative shows on real crimes against fictional criminals and crime solvers with depth and humanizing qualities that have attracted the attention of people at all financial professional social and class levels throughout the world further than anything else dark psychology and its growing popularity have forced even those most denied the darker side of human nature to stand up and take notice accepting that there is a possibility of darker traits making themselves known even to the happiest and most optimistic people each person is made up of both positive and negative traits characteristics and behaviors that are inspired or inspired by the events we survive and the people we surround ourselves with it is perfectly natural for each person to have questions about their nature their thoughts their emotions and their actions which can be answered by the research and study in the field of dark psychology the effects and traits of dark psychology there are nine personality traits that psychologists most commonly identify with those who do well with dark psychology for personal use or as subjects of study throughout their personal and private lives sometimes known as the traits of malevolence these character markers form the foundations of darker personalities and understanding them can help to identify their use whether intentional or unknown around you having only one of the identifiable traits is not enough for someone to be solidly named a dark character if they only fall into one section of markers then it could only be a chance of developing a young trauma or a complicated set of circumstances that they survived that turned out to have a major influence on the creation of that individual's personality in cases such as these where the trait is harmful to the person or others or where the individual is unable to accept that part of himself or herself and causes other psychological difficulties the person should seek the help of a psychologist or other psychological health professional to identify their concerns and to find out how best to treat them in the future here is a closer look at the characteristics shown here is a closer look at the characteristics shown and identified in people with darker personalities who are driven by their own dark psychology one narcissism narcissists are individuals whose actions thoughts and concerns revolve around their own well-being and advancement before others sometimes at the cost of others this character trait is inspired by the great tale of narcissus a man who lost his life in love with his own reflection narcissists tend not to work well in groups and can easily be offended if others tried to supervise them number two excessively sensitive egos also commonly referred to as egoists people with overly sensitive egos that look like narcissists on paper but they have a key difference like narcissists people with overly susceptible egos are mostly focused on their own advancement and improvement in life but unlike narcissists who have naturally high opinion of themselves egoists and others who show this trait determine their self-worth on the basis of what others think of them when others praise them their self-worth increases and they can perform in their environments without attracting too much attention whether at work or at home it is when egoists and those with overly sensitive egos are rebuked or criticized that their darker nature emerges and it can manifest itself in a number of ways such as lethargy or anti-social behavior number three inflated self-interest people with inflated self-interest are also focused on their own promotion and well-being to the point of walking or abandoning others this characteristic is often associated with a remarkable personal ambition and drive that makes them stand out among their peers sadly like narcissists and people with overly sensitive egos they do not do well in team or group settings but tend to excel in leadership roles and oversee others as long as they have someone to respond to that they have a more neutral or balanced personality and behavioral pattern number four personal entitlement those with a general and private right assume that in this world things are owed to them while the specifics vary from person to person individuals with the right feel that they deserve what they see others have it could be material like things or somebody else's making money it might be deeper than that feeling that they deserve love and respect without earning it or seeking it as most people do their darker natures come out when they feel something they believe they are entitled to has been denied one of the most commonly used examples of personal privilege in trait research is that of spoiled children entitlement is a learned trait that many people grow out of their adolescent years or into adulthood but it can be encouraged or provoked by elements such as financial standing social class and personal success or failure depending on individual circumstances number five manipulative trends people living on the dark side of psychology are known to have a talent for manipulation this may be as mild as using a gift for manipulation to ensure that they have the best sales numbers every week to those who use their skills for political advancement and find themselves leading others through thought manipulation and other dangerous techniques often referred to as the machiavellian trait those who show expertise in the psychological manipulation of others for their own gain are named after the political theorist nicola machiavelli machiavelli's political beliefs were based on the idea that the means used to achieve a certain goal are always worth the means often regardless of the cost or damage done as long as the individual concerned is not adversely affected number six moral disengagement this is the term that is widely used to describe those who have a way to look at the world and how it is governed those who truly believe that the rules in place do not apply to them people who have this personality trait are known to think that they are above the rules and are therefore able to say things or to take action that others would consider unethical or wrong without feeling any kind of moral responsibility guilt or shame after the fact number seven psychopathy and psychopathic trends a person who has been labeled a psychopath has been identified by professional psychologists or personal experts as having a personality disorder called psychopathy in which an individual lacks any sympathy or remorse for anyone or anything the word psychopath has entered the common language has a well-known descriptive word for serial killers and other criminals who fall into that type of character they have become famous in tv series and horror movies but this is one of the most misunderstood traits that is still being defined and studied has more and more is being discovered about the psychiatric mind number eight sadism and sadistic behaviors a sadist is someone who has been identified as showing sadistic patterns of behavior or as part of their foreign personality showing a habit of causing pain or humiliation to others and gaining pleasure from these actions has a means of asserting their power and authority over others don't always have to be physical or psychological this personality trait is often linked to sexual domination as well as to the assertion of emotional and psychological power number nine spitefulness and malicious predispositions malice is the knowledge and willingness to cause harm or to do evil and despite the willingness to take such action or harm even if it means harming themselves in the process physically emotionally or psychologically these malicious provisions may manifest in any number of individual characteristics but should be taken very seriously when they are encountered and handled with the greatest of care as the risk of personal damage through interaction is high with those who have regular contact with malicious persons chapter 2 understanding psychological manipulation there are many hypotheses about the roles and impulses of the human brain a lot of research also explores how people influence their beliefs belief systems and behavior patterns on the other hand most hypothesis would address how individuals usually act in certain situations environments and contexts with all these theories and literature on the subject of human psychology one thing is certain to persuade manipulate or deceive a person you must align your mind with your place meaning or environment in other words the first step to convince influence or trick somebody is to understand the way they think how do you fully understand the mind of the other person how do you use the other person's mind awareness to persuade trick or manipulate the other person into your thinking the simplest solution to this problem is to consider what inspires and motivates the other person to take action does the other person do something for the money or has a passion does he do it for glory does he do this for authority does he do it for the sake of fame understand his personality and his state of mind once you are equipped with the other person's drive and motivations it is now time to strategically position your discussions and demands so that he and his motivations benefit he will immediately accept your request with little to no opposition will you know the reason for this this is because he will see you as being very much like him because of the way you have monitored the discussion and made your application he will feel the inherent duty to fulfill your request as such this is the fundamental principle of persuasion deception and manipulation this research's main theme is to persuade exploit and trick the other person without being identified or heard by the other person in other words your goal is to hide and hide from your goal your attempts and intentions if you have ever studied the rules of logic you would see that manipulating deceiving or persuading a person might put you in this rather absurd situation of making a mistake fallacies are in themselves absurdities which means your argument may not always be true because it defies specific laws if you want your point to always be true and you want to influence the minds of others by the most rational means then you might find that there are a lot of mistakes in psychology there are arguments for argumentum at baculum argumentum as audacity argumentum advercundium and many other latin words used for fraudulent appeals such mistakes are committed by people because of course they respond to impulses authority or turn of events they cannot foresee that's the good part about the real world though not all people are convinced that the first visual claim is all that comes under good logic a testable theory means that facts always transcend rational laws in this universe their law defiance as people can see it however makes the world much more real often people try to predict the weather which is completely unpredictable of course there are forecasts that nail it and in an unpredictable nature there are those that will work out while there are some books that would make you think the best way to influence people is to play with their heads according to the laws of logic this book will teach you how to persuade others by putting yourself in their shoes it's all about empathizing with others and then putting a credible and sound argument into their heads that works well for your benefit that's because the real world individuals are more likely to respond to what they believe and not what the truth in their head says there are many reasons why somebody else might want to manipulate mislead or persuade now the question is is your ethical way of thinking manipulating deceiving and persuading another person for the answer it really depends on you no one can decide if what you are doing is moral or not except you nonetheless there are many social situations where you need to perform specific methods of bribery deceit and persuasion to achieve your goals let's assume you're the us president and russia is trying to engage you as an illustrative example in the global political arena in a nuclear arms race of course you don't want to start another world war the russian leader is therefore your individual goal and your aim or role is to prevent any conflict in the world and to preserve peace in this case it would be very effective to use techniques of persuasion deception and manipulation to foster your role of world peace and harmony of example the target people are your clients and consumers if you're in the business sector in fact your goal is to get them to buy your products or use your services if you're an environmental attorney your target people are politicians lobbyists and the public furthermore in protecting the environment your intention is to persuade them to join your cause when you look at the topic of mind control closely it is undoubtedly basically a game of persuasion that is practiced every day it would of course be up to you to consider the purpose of learning these tricks as machiavelli would say everything becomes a tool for a particular purpose nevertheless the art of mind manipulation does not mean that you refuse the use of free will to your goals rather you give them something that they most definitely are searching for a feeling of positive choice that acts as a guide to their behavior ultimately the magnitude of your actions and your system of private beliefs will determine whether or not the tactics and strategies you use are ethical remember that the main objective of this chapter is to create a specific shift in the thinking of your target person without being aware of the changes in their thinking if you're an entrepreneur your customers are your target audience and your position or purpose is to get them to buy your products or use your resources in this regard one of the most effective ways to change the way you think about your customers or your goal is to change your way of speaking in other words to create what you offer and what your customers want you must use the right phrases if you're watching commercial advertisements on tv and youtube right now you'll understand that short business clips are attractive because they use words or lingo to address the specific issues of their target people therefore there is an emotional meaning that only the terminology used by the product or service producers knows the point of view circumstances or environment today when you think about how ads show on tv they all deliver two kinds of sensational pleasure and pain essentially they draw on two phenomena that have altered mankind's path forever philosophers religious orders and tyrants all played with the notion of sensations with similar belief that everyone would want to do something to enjoy or prevent pain millenniums later with the same belief people still act that's why the art of manipulation and mind control is still there how do you think others like a coffee brand the response is a pleasure it's still the game of joy against pain some would assume that they want double shots of espresso to achieve the pleasurable feeling of being awake even quicker because they are frustrated with slowness i want to get the bitter taste of coffee as soon as i take a sip similar to the latte men though they prefer milk over coffee and they want to experience the caffeine as it is in the form of slow waves of the bloodstream everyone will appeal to a separate set of people playing to their needs try to tell an espresso addict that he can drink more caffeine than three tall cappuccino glasses and a large glass of latte more often than not this espresso lover would try to switch to latte the next morning because he is more likely to get quickly what he wants at the end of this statement people are not mostly worried about how to get what they want they just want a strategy to bring them closer to their goals in a faster manner we want to believe that all the methods we use are shortcuts to a pleasant experience with that in mind it is rather straightforward for individuals to adjust their belief systems if the move is to ensure achievement therefore on the market out there are just too many products of the same type imagine the number of toothpaste brands spread the term however that one brand is likely to cause a person's teeth to fall off when he is in his 80s it almost guaranteed that individuals who are that brand's die hard fans will change or do a rigorous review of their own use of that item that's why when you're trying to learn how to influence the minds of people around you always try to know how they feel about a brand and what it's doing to them you buy a product one way or the other because you think you want it but once somebody gives the concept that they shouldn't want it anymore because it will hurt them they will reject it however they would rather look for a similar item maybe 7 out of 10 times then stop using it every day if you can offer cigarettes that don't cause cancer problems and spoil the mouth but still offer the same level of satisfaction as other brands then you're almost guaranteed to get rich people don't want cancer but their cigarettes don't want to say no why is this the case it's because they all want what they get used to now change the perspective and offer a benefit offer something in the easy way to make your life better they're going to risk their lives if they refuse to take something the art of mind control is comparable the unconscious would always say aims for going towards avoidance of pleasure and pain another basic principle for manipulating deceiving and persuading a target person is the authority declaration strategy this means that a mere suggestion or claim by a power figure can often alter and modify a person's visual memory to create a distinct memory beneficial to the power figure keep in mind that each person's power figure is different many individuals will see a university professor as an illustrative authority figure while some individuals will see a person who has learned from hard knocks as an authority figure in other words you must put yourself in a scenario in which you will understand the authority figure of your target person you may think that there are people who don't believe in energy okay you're right so it's not going to be a common tactic to influence people however if you look at the history of this civilization people have always been rooted in any kind of organization people have always been searching for someone to send them the information they need to improve their lives or has an inspiration they should look up to well individuals may think it is possible to ignore and dismiss the significance of government they will still be looking for a leader you must either have a leader's characteristics or have your words come from an important person to be able to influence an individual that way those listening to the phrases you say wouldn't doubt when people who are admired for sale are able to see this all the time more people are going to buy the product chapter 3 understanding manipulation tactics and schemes when we claim that you try to manipulate someone you deliberately pressure someone to do something that would benefit you if you try to manipulate somebody learning manipulation is one of the toughest skills in this lifetime for someone to learn due to the amount of effort required to make tactics work however some individuals seem to be able to manipulate people as they walk into a place immediately obviously you can't learn that ability overnight manipulation is a technique that involves you bringing the goal in the direction you want to go by using several sequential tricks that need to be timed properly manipulation methods are also defined as aggressive meaning that all tactics you use are intended to match your goals strongly with your line of thinking and to do so would require you to closely follow your goal to see the correct set of strategies that work on many occasions you will never get enough chances to get your aim well understood to test how your tactics will work for them make sure that you use the following intimidation techniques to move closer to your objectives and to make sure that until they are vulnerable you will wear down their defenses not only would they allow you to move closer to your chosen goals but you would also ensure that you can generate an extensive set of methods that will allow you to manipulate them when you come across them again relationship is a relation according to the dictionary of emotional affinity or mutual trust simply put the relationship with the other person merely implies synchronizing or strategically harmonizing your feelings and emotions with theirs therefore building relationships with your target will be one of the most important tools you can use to manipulate them so what's the useful test to determine if you're having a good relationship with someone else the question is this does this person have a positive reaction to my actions ideas and words if the answer is yes you have successfully built a relationship without knowing it if the answer is no it is necessary to use certain methods and strategies to create a healthy amount of relationship with your target this means that more research is needed facilitating relationship building with another person is demonstrated by the following approaches matching and mirroring the other person's body position having a discussion on topics of common interest how when trying to manipulate a target is it very important to mirror interest and behavior that's because people are more likely to react to you once they know that you're in the same industry that's why a kid is more likely to react to a person who would tend to sit down or kneel while speaking to them by actually insinuating that they are on the same level the adult places the kid on a fairly level playing field the child then listens intently and reciprocates the most likely to do the same thing were vocal adults interested in other people that's why when they talk to a slouched person when they talk to a confident person they'd either stoop their shoulders or stick their chest out it is understood that people who are used to building relationships with individuals take on the individual's attitude and mannerisms you're certainly going to be great at it as you continue to practice these skills on the road this means that your ability to relate flow subconsciously and naturally with your conversation with another person in fact there will be times when you're not even aware that you've already built a lot of relationship with that person the later techniques of deception include more sophisticated methods for building a healthy amount of partnership do some sort of research on your individual goal for example you have to put yourself in positions where you can learn about topics that concern or are emotionally connected to your goal if you are also interested in the topics that are of interest your target then exploiting such a person will be relatively simple for you why is it that way it's because people are more likely to react favorably when they're comparable to the person trying to get them involved of example if you're a billionaire who made his fortune by developing software you're either likely to be in the same room as other billionaires or you're going to talk to others who are developing their own apps remember that people are more likely to talk to you if you exude a quality that they also show that's why people like talking about topics they're really interested in discussing these subjects removes their cognitive defenses and allows for fresh information and data in other words once the mental defenses of your target are down this is the perfect time to exploit the target using your fresh data or information note at the same time that people are mostly interested in themselves if you are just like them they will be interested in you for the same purpose musicians hang out with a musician to talk to a musician nevertheless a musician has a better chance of buying beer from someone interested in music or trying to learn an instrument it's not the product they really like it's just because a seller really likes them if you look at the real world people are more likely to buy something from someone who is trying to empathize with their desires there is also another approach that you can use to manipulate your target as well as building a report by having a discussion about a topic that your target is interested in this technique uses techniques to make you look like your target how do you use this tactic by doing the same activity processes that your target is currently engaged in you can do this these procedures include placement or setting for work type of work small and medium-sized enterprises family clubs sports communities hobbies affiliations brotherhood masonry politics religion etc as you can see there are many procedures you can use to create a relationship with your goal maybe you've both served in the military before and are both army veterans maybe you're both a qualified solicitor or a surgeon you might both be members of a toastmasters club perhaps you're both fishing in the lakes you may both be brotherhood members or sorority members now once you have a method that provides you with your target has a common ground this common ground must be incorporated into your operations has a link point with your target for example if both of you fish in the lake you can invite your destination to fish this weekend therefore you will be able to show your target that you are just like him or her through shared experiences the common ground for manipulating your goal other words is critical to your achievement now if you think about it you can convince a person to do something for you if you make sure you're sympathetic to the setting he's in if you're trying to ask a fisherman's favor you're more likely to get it on his waterfront than on a golf course introduce a concept by mentioning points of interest that you are interested in what he is doing in his home setting what you would most likely get is this a fresh skill you've been asking for and that favor people initially don't buy your ideas goods political office candidates causes or services instead they buy you therefore your first goal is to make your dream more than anything else as a person like you one strategy you can use is to allow your goal to be reciprocated placed simply inducing reciprocity means giving an object service or favor to your target note however that this item service or favor must be perceived as valuable by your target the reason for this approach is to give your target individual a valuable item service or favor he or she will be forced to do the same through a sense of gratitude to you not only in politics but also everywhere else in life you see this kind of friendly manipulation in general this works by reminding an individual that technically he owes you a favor it would work better if you had been able to meet before or you could change his circumstances dramatically in his favor say something vague when you do this but to the effect of you owe me the person would always associate you with a favor and whenever he sees you he would have to give you little favors why will this work okay it works because the person who owes you a favor does not really objectivize you as a mere debtor because you were able to help him through a difficult moment he would always want to help and the best thing is that you don't have to do something amazing or put yourself in danger the moment another person realizes that you've gone out of your way to help someone who isn't your family they're forming a certain bond with you then for another person it is of course deliberate coercion to go out of your way every individual with a sense of dignity and honor as long as they can afford it would certainly want to pay you back in any kind of favor the key to getting the most out of the reciprocity is to help them feel that the favor you are going to ask them would cost them practically nothing but one that can create a shared benefit it would then seem that you're also doing them a favor by letting them help you you created a connection to make you the alpha as long as you can prove that you are the one who can think of a healthy strategy that will benefit both of you he will be happy to help you this works because he thinks he would be a great addition to your plan he is conscious that you wouldn't be successful if you didn't reach out for his support which makes him realize that somehow you would also be indebted to him on the other hand it would be comparatively harder for you to manipulate that individual if you are not interested in the topics that interest your target if that's the case what you can do is learn about these subjects by reading about them in the newspaper or using internet search engines for the analysis remember that you do not need to have an expert understanding of these topics to give you a head start in the conversation it's enough to have a basic understanding of these subjects chapter four different manipulative personalities when we first understand how others can manipulate us and how we can affect ourselves we need to figure out what makes up different types of personality there are the people who are exploited and it seems that the people who manipulate it in fact a person can be both it is up to you to find a way to be mindful of your actions and make sure your behaviors and emotions are in control some manipulators do not realize what they are doing and others are skilled living in a world of delusion where everyone else is like a string puppet and they are the master if you want to make sure you're free from this kind of influence then it's important to really understand the personalities that make up these kinds of interactions most dishonest people have similar characteristics no matter how different they can look it is often difficult to tell since their conduct is private we learn to their benefit how to play things behind the scenes most manipulative people just love the fact that they can speak to others behind your back about your good and bad qualities the defining feature of such manipulators is that when talking to others about you they tend to put everything about you in a bad light if you're often gossiping about others around you then you can be sure they're gossiping about you the same way in some cases they may even play both sides using both of you has a piece in their entertaining game on either end of the gossip you will discuss you with others on a regular basis even though it seems that the two of you have some unique confidence when you talk about others to you manipulative people don't understand the idea of boundaries there's no limit to what they can do for them we will stop at nothing no matter who they may end up hurting along the way to get the things they want the only thing that interests some manipulators is to feel their wishes so that they can feel powerful they're going to ignore your boundaries and drive you past the point you feel comfortable with they're going to push you harder no matter how resistant you might be we want to see how far we can take things which means they can stop at nothing to satisfy their curiosities manipulative people don't like being told what to do they are the ones who want to be in full control even when figures of authority don't reach them directly and try to tell them what to do they can still feel very threatened by their power they can take the slightest remark as someone attempts to attack their character and they will stop at nothing to make sure they feel strong every day they don't care who they've got to hurt to make sure they're not told what to do it could trigger even a slight suggestion and finally set them off manipulative people will pretend to understand you but they will never really some are skilled actors who make you think they are passionate beings this can actually be their attempt to make you fall for them even deeper they will make you feel like they want to interact with you only to get closer and have a stronger grip manipulative people are going to want things they can't have so sometimes it means pretending to be someone else for the right setting some people will put on different faces others will simply be able to manipulate the setting in order to align it with their current personality they're going to pretend to listen to you try to relate and practice showing empathy but deep down they're not really who they are you will end up being both manipulative and controlling and at one point might even be able to use some of the knowledge you share with you these people may be narcissists psychopaths and other profoundly manipulative people who want to take power from you and keep it for themselves there are three variables of manipulative behavior dread commitment and blame when someone manipulates you you are actually mentally forced to do something you would probably prefer not to do you may be reluctant to do it committed to it or guilty of not doing it some are excellent at bullying you when it comes to controlling people while others may end up being the victim at the end someone who is more likely to control you will be scared using animosity threats and other terror has a means of controlling you you can even end up causing you to feel the responsibility for the problem while they do this the controller may be the one who wants to be the victim in other situations we may be upset by what you've said raising their feelings to make you look like the bad guy in reality they are usually the ones that initially cause the problem they become the person in charge by controlling the situation to suit their needs easy manipulating the situation to suit their own needs common manipulators the following are some personality qualities of manipulative individuals so when one comes your way you will realize what to look for learning these basic features will help prevent you from becoming fooled into a deceptive relationship remaining vigilant keeping in touch with what you know is a truth of yourself not just a perspective and knowing your worth will help you stay away from these people narcissists psychopaths and sociopaths are among the most common types of manipulators the main difference between the three is how they choose to share their feelings with each other and the image they put up to protect who they are probably the most common of these kinds of people are narcissists they're not going to be concerned about others but only about defending themselves and their personalities rather than actually listening and thinking about who you are and what you might have said they're going to do their best to ensure their needs are met instead a psychopath is working a bit harder they'll make sure you're under their full control and they'll have a way to make you feel terrible about yourself while they're on their hands such types of people will never show their true colors and will instead create a fake picture of who they are they will not show when they are angry and will do their best to protect their image even if it means acting in an irrational or embarrassing manner a sociopath is the one that is worst about his image we will deliberately freak out in front of everyone and they will never care how other people might be affected by their angry outbursts these are the common manipulators and all of them have similar qualities they're only going to focus on the things that matter to them and they don't care about you it's important to remember that these people aren't worried about others because they don't like them your desires will not be dismissed by a narcissist because they hate you we simply lack the necessary skills to understand what a person is actually going through in the quest for what they need they persevere and have little respect for those who get injured along the way they don't worry about jamming into your space physically internally mentally or deeply you can compare them to a parasite this is an acceptable partnership on a regular basis in our country but it's exhausting crippling and frustrating and painful to profit from someone to their detriment it's not so much that in any given relationship dishonest people don't understand what their duty is they do a dishonest person merely discovers nothing wrong with shirking responsibility for their actions even has they make sure you take responsibility for your actions we sometimes impose double standards for this purpose which can be frustrating confusing and exhausting what is a good behavior for them is it unacceptable for you and vice versa these types of individuals are almost impossible to reason with sensitive people manipulative people can pick the vulnerabilities readily they'll see if you've got something that might annoy you something that you like to avoid or some place that makes you uncomfortable they will tap into your vulnerability to exploit this weakness and find a way to use it to their advantage they're going to attack the emotions instead they'll see that you're a loving and empathetic person and they'll manipulate that as well on a conscious and subconscious level finally they will destroy your character morality and other values that make up your life so that you will no longer have a unique identity and follow their agendas throughout our journeys all emotions whether positive or negative serve as a need and each of us needs to be aware of people who use the powerful strength of emotions to exploit you this will primarily apply to you if you identify as an empathy as this type of individual is most defenseless against other people's negativity next time you feel threatened use the tips we have to defend yourself throughout this book a highly sensitive person is known as one who can sense other people's emotions more easily and who may feel more irritated when they hear other people feeling negative the intuition may have the same meaning but in a more metaphysical sense this term is also used and can sometimes be contrasted with a psychic for example people who enjoy playing with the emotions of others will use all sorts of tactics perplexity blame and cross-examination to make you feel awkward i know that they have a decent chance to lead you into a relationship as you are a caring person who loves to support others at first they may take your integrity and consideration into account often praising you for the great person you are after a while though knowledge of these traits will be reduced as someone who doesn't care for you what you do or what happens to you is using you they're just concerned about what you can do for them highly sensitive people are the ones who struggle most against manipulators or those who can sometimes be referred to simply as empaths it's almost as if manipulators see empathy and so much love that they're trying to heal their inner demons with it they're just going about it in the worst way possible if you need to manage these kinds of individuals on a regular basis such as in your working environment overlook them or surprise them by saying something pleasant as opposed to meeting them with a confrontational mindset compulsive controllers are flourishing to aggravate you so make sure you don't give them what they need after a few fizzled attempts they may begin to ignore you positive manipulative personalities inherently harmful or poisonous is not all coercion learning the difference between manipulation persuasion and influence is important although this first chapter may be intense it is a warning against the risk of coercion and what can happen if others are not so careful about how to use this important tool we will teach you throughout the rest of the book to recognize manipulation as we now know it often it is seen in more manipulative and dangerous ways that can take over other people's lives it can destroy relationships if it is not used correctly and put a strain on many individual lives it can be used for malicious intentions and satisfying selfish desires however it is seen in the form of influence and persuasion when manipulation is used for the benefit of others it begins from persuasion you will both inspire others to do good things by demonstrating the various benefits of the result to which you lead them sometimes even on ourselves persuasion needs to be used as it can be challenging to start doing the best things we know once a person gains a high degree of conviction they can become an influencer these are the people who can help shape the world change lives and keep people aware of a more positive and healthy outlook it can make for a happy life and a better world when manipulation can be recognized understood and transformed into a more positive light it's easy to manipulate negatively often our minds can even do that without knowing us if someone gives you good news but you respond badly because the good news could damage you it could be very subtle deception against the other person for instance a mother hearing that her child has been accepted several states away from a university might react poorly because of her own emotion about missing her child it's still good news and rationally the mother might know that but then the child sees that mom is not happy with this decision and will choose not to go to this school due to the negative emotional response of mom maybe the mother didn't intend to react like that and only based on emotion but it was still something that had a negative impact on her daughter there would be a more positive impact on that situation if the mother had told her daughter how happy she was for her and later had a more serious discussion of the challenges that a first-year college student could face in living several states away from your mother this allows a daughter to make a decision of her own outside of what others want she may still choose to stay at home but if she does it's a significant decision she made without being exploited by herself the better we can understand what manipulation is the easier it will be to live a life in harmony with others and how we can use it for ourselves we'll be able to understand the things you actually want for yourself better and you'll know how to get those results better you can pull people closer and have them depend on you for positive and healthy influence instead of pushing people away or straining relationships because of the difficulty in getting what you want chapter five a walk through the body language and how it works with manipulation you need to know how to manipulate your body to understand how it works there are a variety of people in the world who seem truly kind loving and care about other people's needs some of these people are actually that way and behind the things they do and say there are just as many people who have ulterior motives so how can you recognize someone who appears kind and caring but is manipulative under the surface it's not an easy case you know they're a police officer when you see someone with a badge and gun on their belt if a person wears a blue button up on the breast with their name embroidered you may presume that they are some kind of mechanic manipulators are not wearing uniforms often you won't know us someone is sincere or trying to convince you individuals do not come with a formal rules list if they did we might not listen to them anyway it's easy to get oblivious to the actual nature of someone because it's a common part of our relationship to need something from them sociopaths for example can be the most enchanting people on the planet we have a way to make you believe rather than your own reasons you may not know how charming a narcissist can be until after you discover their true colors you look back on the relationship such individuals are perfect to charm their victims in a few seconds but in the next few seconds they can make a 180 degree turn for the worse therefore keeping an eye out for these people without first having to rub heads with them is important detecting the contrast between someone who is captivating because he is genuine or someone who is an expert manipulator can very well be difficult so here's a guide for reading deceptive body language when determining whether or not you're dealing with such a person signals and responses to mimic your body language in whatever way possible is the first thing many manipulators will do we can begin by sitting in the same place as you moving their arms or legs in the same manner as you they're doing this because they want you around them to feel more open and vulnerable the mind takes these similarities on board and is conscious of a kind of mirroring effect this makes it think this person can trust more because you understand better who that person is instead of feeling it could be a tactic of manipulation our minds believe that since this person is like us they must be someone we can trust what ends up happening is that we get lost in their vocabulary and don't know the tricks they might do to try and convince us you may wonder if we need to be mindful of all who are sitting the same way we are it's true that this is a technique of coercion but that doesn't mean that every person doing this is trying to convince us the best way to determine whether this is someone trying to manipulate us is to look at the conversation's essence often when we feel anxious we subconsciously mimic the other person it's a way to try to connect our bodies to the other person more so we don't feel like sitting next to them has uncomfortable if you've seen someone mirroring the way you're sitting try looking at the conversation's essence if the other person is trying to make you believe something or you're talking about a change-related matter then they're trying to get you on their side if it was more of a casual conversation or one where you did most of the conversation then it was probably a coincidence or a sign that the other person was anxious one indication that somebody might be trying to convince you is that they're as tall as possible with their arms on their hips this may be the other person trying to make sure they look as big as they can it's an intimidation factor in extreme cases most of the time it is simply the attempt of the individual to display authority and among others a sense of power note this may be a sign of anxiety as well if a person feels like being forgotten or someone doesn't listen to them this technique can be a way to boost that power being mindful of body language of all people is still relevant so that we can get the real context of the situation rather than what is happening on the surface level don't be scared of anyone who's like a superhero but remember not to let yourself fall under the influence of someone who's just trying to make your body look bigger one of the main body language indicators may not be the most encouraging interaction is that the other person is shut off keeping his arms crossed or even his hand over his mouth like everything else in this chapter it can again be an indication that you don't want to open up or feel frightened and defenseless if a person is faced with something bad or told some awful news they may have such a body language if the situation is one where you discuss yourself more openly and the other person is sitting like this they may try to collect personal information against you that they may be able to use later if the situation is one where you're both opening up and they're sitting like this make sure you hold off on some of the juicy secrets until the justice open up similarly they may be more aggressive than this and they may even give up their body language to be more convincing they may be opening their arms and putting their arm around you even if the relationship is not intimate and sitting with a large chest to demonstrate that they welcome you this is safe to do in most discussions but if they are simply trying to get more personal information out of you don't let yourself fall for this tactic what do others perceive when they look at you when someone may try to convince us they will also take our body language into account it is important to be aware of the things that can give them the signal that we feel weak frightened or anxious about them if these kind of feelings can be felt then many people can find it easy to take advantage of others let's begin with the top of our bodies first and then work our way down this is a warning that you may be nervous when you wrinkle your forehead this may lead others to think you're anxious and may benefit from this vulnerability you can start talking about things that are even more difficult to you which can lead to confusion this can allow them to make the most of what you think we can also use the frustration to make you think of more things in your head this can be particularly persuasive if they're good ideas because you'll be more interested in listening to positive things to divert you from what cause stress then manipulators will be able to look at your eyes to see what you think squinted eyes can reflect concentration and it can be manipulated by others as if they were a wrinkled face you should rely on wide and open eyes and be an open person for new ideas some can see this and can suspect your good nature seeking to exploit your empathy levels and take advantage of it the same goes for broad and open smiles sometimes happy people may seem easier to manipulate as they are less defensive and more open to persuasion they are also going to look at how you hold your arms closed arms mean you might be skeptical of what they've got to say you can see this and think you may need to work a bit harder to convince you a more open attitude can show them that they have a chance to convince you this can also be a warning when you exhibit certain signs of anxiety that you feel nervous and anxious about them you know you might be worried about them if you fidget your eyes twist your hair pick your fingers shake arms or look around a lot this can help them get the impression that taking advantage of you and swaying you to a certain way will be simpler you don't have to be anxious about how you sit or hold yourself all the time because not everyone will study your body language meticulously if you're in a position where others seem to try to convince you or control you at all costs then it's important that you make sure you're defending yourself stand tall and confident keep the right level of eye contact stay focused on the situation's context clues rather than just what the words come out of your mouth we're going to go over the other forms in the rest of the book that manipulators take advantage of you through their words and the actions they take to try to keep you under their spell then we'll give you the resources you need to find something optimistic and become yourself a convincing person chapter 6 development stages of manipulation if by their actions you can understand people you will never be fooled by their words keep in mind that there are two separate things that an individual says and does because deceptive individuals will woo you with their kind words make sure that they live up to their words and that a trap is not just an empty shell we could be a trustworthy individual if a dishonest person puts as much energy into being a decent individual as they do in professing to be one note although the messages we give throughout the novel it's not always a bad thing to exploit don't miss the effort of somebody to affect favorably when they try to manipulate you if we knew from the earliest point of departure that a person is not who they seem to be it merely takes cover behind an exterior of what appears to be socially acceptable actions by all accounts then we would be careful to interact with them at that point inspect what you are accepting constantly we're not doing that enough our beliefs and frames of mind that changes has life progresses and we need to know how these changing thoughts affect us the best way to know what it is and how it can influence you is to consider the nature of coercion it's easy to think that it's just evil and selfish people who are manipulators you can ignore these people and keep them out of your life but we have to note that we really have to accept the truth about these people they may seem evil but in our lives they will still be there and knowing their nuances will ultimately help us the most intentions and motivations the act of manipulation begins with motivation and intent all coercion is a result of someone trying to get what they want the problem is that there is a more concentrated effort on getting that at all costs instead of simply getting it sometimes we have a sense of urgency and believe that if we don't force people to give us what we want our needs will not be met we all have different desires and hopes and a manipulator is someone who simply goes wrong often manipulation may start in childhood if you weren't properly taught to express your feelings or share the things you want then learning how to get them or fulfill those feelings can be difficult beginning from an early age we will try to twist and mold reality to help us meet our needs sometimes it's a quick fix to force someone else to do what you want instead of doing it yourself the hard way by wanting to control them we can confuse wanting to be close to someone so we're going to take wrong actions trying to fulfill that inner need there is an important distinction that we need to be mindful of between coercion inspiration and motivation as someone on the road to becoming persuasive it is important to understand the difference between the motives of those who try to persuade or influence and the motives of those who attempt to manipulate intentionally persuasive motivation happens when both an individual and the client are considerate about the work that needs to be done manipulation comes about when only the actual work that needs to be done is concerned with the entity not the person who would do it she acts in a deceptive manner when a person is concerned only with making money for her company not taking care of how she could manipulate her employees using fear tactics to keep them working and underpaying them persuasive motivation occurs when the person they influence is compassionate about manipulation comes from another person's desire for pride and power if someone wants to get you to stop drinking because you have an alcohol problem they're inspired to help you if a husband wants his wife to stop drinking because he doesn't like it when his wife goes out with friends to taste wine that's manipulation persuasive motivation and actual substantial honesty are based on truth manipulation is concerned only with appearances from the outside this is encouragement if someone tries to encourage you to lose weight after a heart attack if someone tries to encourage you to lose weight because your stomach doesn't look flat in a bikini but your health is fine that's manipulation in fact persuasive motivation is concerned with the other person and their needs and desires manipulation is based solely on self-fulfillment that can be achieved with or without harming people it is not about others leaders should focus on themselves regularly to assess their motives and to ensure that they are truly convincing not manipulating you're not driving success if you're guilty of controlling trying to control individuals or not thinking about those you're leading thoughts and feelings manipulators are people who are routinely involved in shrewd ascertaining and scheming behavior manipulators such as this are often referred to as machiavellians or highmarks on the other hand the low mock label implies that within the usual range one's cunning inclinations fall while lomax may be involved in deceptive behavior they tend not to swindle and manipulate except when they see that such behavior is necessary or important why are people wired to be high mocks for is the behavior triggered by a fundamental identity issue if this is the case can the issue at hand be dealt with so put it simply no issues of identity do not transform people into high marks machiavellianism is a quality inherited presumably than aggravated by the social and family conditions of an individual cunning predispositions exist separately from an individual's identity issue they should not however completely ignore identity issues different issues of identity can create tension alarm detection separation craziness happiness and other mental states that can trigger aggressive responses if someone regularly deludes and uses others to prove their own points that person may establish a manipulator's label self-assigned or otherwise being under constant stress from a question of identity does not give a free pass for terrible behavior before we act we have a decision to make and we are responsible for our behavior keeping this in mind certain individuals with specific issues of identity may be likely to rely on manipulative behavior as a way to persevere and deal with stress apart from these underlying mental disorders such as anti-social personality disorder borderline personality disorder bipolar disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder there are some thoughts and feelings that usually drive someone to become a master manipulator fear is the first thing that could lead to manipulation as soon as our brains feel that we may not get the exact thing we feel we need we may eventually become heavily dependent on controlling others to fulfill that desire the fear of being alone can lead someone to manipulate multiple people in their lives to make sure they stick around it can cause us to cheat often in the workplace to get what we want to make sure we stay in a higher position when we are afraid to lose the things we have such as money and material objects the sense of uncertainty and the desperate desire to relieve that insecurity are reinforced by knowing that we are not good enough to get what we want alone manipulators and those who struggle to control others do so because they usually have low self-esteem which tells them that they are not good enough and they need to look to others to gain control and motivation manipulators may also have strong desire feelings they're going to want some stuff badly and think if they exploit others the only way they can get them some may desperately desire other people's admiration so they can manipulate perspectives to make them look more desirable than they actually do the explanation that many manipulators have this behavior it's because they are unaware of the real things they want and allow their feelings to be the biggest driver in their life related decisions rather than being aware of the things they really want and how to do these things properly without harming others they can behave from one moment to the next without making any clear strategy for the best way to actually get what they want as humans we are most concerned with our own preservation whether it's getting shelter food rest or anything else that fulfills our primitive instincts that's what drives our mind at the very root of it all some people will understand this and practice self-control even when they are in the driver's seat for their animal behavior others will not realize this however and instead think that the answer to all their problems is the thing they want the most we are also starting to build such perceptions about the future you may have an idea of what you want in the future in your head and that seems to be a perfect answer to all nothing will ever turn out the way we think as most of us know and little actually feels the way we think it will when we predict it now you're hoping to have a perfect plan of what the day looks like for a few days if things go wrong attempting to achieve the desired result can lead to manipulative tactics our brains may start to panic when things don't go the way we've planned we're worried that if one thing doesn't happen it means all the other things we hoped won't either we can take some extreme steps to try to fulfill those desires it's not because we're manipulating because our brains give us what we needed manipulation comes from just believing that doing so will give us what we think we need not what in the long run would actually help us you're hungry in that moment when you're hungry even though you know you're going to eat in an hour you can't just shut down the feeling of hunger time doesn't matter to your body in that moment it thinks about what it wants manipulators are currently concerned with fulfilling their needs if we were all sitting down and thinking through all the difficult emotions we have then most of the relationships would be in a much better place rather our animal brains make us act in ways that motivate us in that moment to get only what we want although it is a scientific thing that is happening right now long-term exploitation is just a continuation of this kind of cycle of thought for many people it becomes a common way of thinking and our brains accept this as the way to actually get the things we want regardless of who may get harmed along the way how do manipulators act everything might sound simple you might start thinking of a manipulator has an evil villain who doesn't care if they harm others in order to get what they want you start thinking about villains like cruella de vil who might just kill puppies to get a fancy fur coat so how can manipulators get into our lives the implications of this issue are great as this type of manipulation also occurs at both an individual and a societal level and it has become accustomed to our culture the idea of what manipulation is may seem evil and obvious but what actually happens is that it starts small and expands into a confusing web of inflated stories misunderstandings and other people doing whatever they can to convince you of the things they want you to believe manipulation begins with the individual planning to take advantage of others first they'll go through something they've been taught that manipulating others is the way to get the things they want they're going to find their victim next generally this is going to be a more compassionate person and someone who showed them love and empathy rarely will a manipulator start a relationship with another manipulator immediately they will form a close bond from there which will make the other person feel special and unique first they're going to start showing signs of influence slowly but that's generally out of respect or so they make it look next they'll actually start to control what you're doing and the manipulator will try even harder to make you believe you can't trust yourself when resistance is shown usually the other person becomes aware of the manipulation and leaves after that or they won't recognize what's going on and fall deeper into the lies that build up around them it's hard to break this cycle but it needs to be done taking advantage of another person is not fair we all help each other and some things we need from others such as love financial help or just emotional support these are all things that should be clearly and consensually given not something that can be manipulated from them chapter 7 how to spot manipulators and manipulative predators once people hear the word predator many automatically think of panthers chasing smaller animals from a meat-eating dinosaur painting from their childhood museum memory trip through trees or imagined lines of razor-sharp while it is true that the term is usually used for killing recognized species the real predator meaning is more than animal instinct predators are defined as beings that for their own benefit naturally pray and exploit others this is basically the definition of the circle of life or the natural order of things in the case of animals it is understandable that in order to survive some species feed on other species this concept becomes unsettling only when survival is removed from the equation and the animal concerned in the case of dark psychology and its studies the human being is preyed upon and exploited by others for its sake or for the sake of gluttony a visible skill set for the art of deception is a common feature among predators whose specifics will be covered in greater depth throughout this section predators are one of the most frequently found and most threatening if left unmonitored of all forms of personality described in the dark psychology research get to know the type of rapist some of their most common day-to-day tactics and how to defend yourself from them when they wheel their way into the area or even into your confidence who is a predator as logical and self-conscious human beings most people understand and can see the difference at taking the prey to survival is the way of the world but that taking advantage of the more vulnerable people or creatures when life is not on the line is wrong predators regardless of which subsection of categorization they fall into cannot make this distinction and are not concerned by the fact that they do not understand this as the average person does a human predator is someone who uses their understanding of human desires thinking manipulation and the general mental state of each person they meet to always know how to control and take advantage of them when the time comes human predators do not interact with others unless there is a way to benefit from that interaction either by achieving a specific goal or by obtaining something they want or need there are a number of different types of human predators that have been identified but there are several worldwide studies that aim to refine the meanings of predator classes and gain a better understanding of how predators can be handled or treated if therapy is not a choice researchers are also researching human nature and new findings that are each printed to recognize and describe certain possible predatory personalities acts or activities that might be used to deter or apprehend predators before they can cause irreversible harm to themselves and others there are countless situations that can trigger people to react emotionally using years of psychology study and more specialized fields like dark psychology researchers have devoted their lives and careers to answering questions as to whether it is possible to predict how people will react the graph below shows a list of common human activities on the left and the most frequently reported responses in both live trials and extensive mental health surveys while this may not always be the case individual circumstances the psychological state of a person and general attitude all affect emotional reactions it has been shown to be the most documented and understood among psychologists worldwide human predators are people who have no problem with making life difficult for others morally emotionally or psychologically especially when the results of the action make life easier in the process for themselves not every predator has the same purpose drive aim or process so it's important to know how to recognize some human predators most prevalent forms so you're ready no matter where or when you encounter these people social predator a social predator is a person who is motivated by desire to overcome all obstacles and sees everything from a friendly catch game to a corporate sporting event has a critical competitive obstacle to their conquest a need to win makes socializing difficult for them and of fragile egos are easily bruised particularly if they are challenged before their peers or others they see as inferior one of the social predators most commonly expressed personality traits is their innate desire to win overall this could be in serious matters such as setting dominance in a room full of co-workers or in simple conversations such as small elevator conversation they are interested in their own progress in personal as well as professional matters and see their path towards their goal as being accomplished by improving their social status or making important connections that could be relied upon in times of fight most people meet with social predators at the workplace becoming victims of verbal and mental abuse at the office while their determination and attention to detail make people who qualify as social predators potentially efficient and productive employees they do not work well with others making team projects or events impossible without considerable negotiation or behavioral monitoring by someone they recognize as superior while less common social predators can demonstrate violent behavioral changes and physical abuse in their personal private and romantic encounters sexual predator sexual predator is someone who through sexual conquest often by physically mentally or psychologically malevolent means gains control over another person or their thoughts and actions most often the term sexual predator is associated with adults targeting children winning their respect and then taking advantage of their immaturity and lack of worldly experience to take advantage of them for personal gain or gratification predators derived their name from their animalistic or inhuman actions and their fellow human beings way of seeing them how they choose their prey or hunting grounds is one of the recognizable features synonymous with predators for example social predators are able to use their carefully developed social skills in almost any setting to work their techniques on the other hand sexual predators are best able to take action in familiar and controlled environments addressing a particular type of person or chain of events the term was first used in mainstream culture in the mid-1980s and as typically saved for those who are not only known to sexually chase as predators but have been recorded in the past as committing sexually violent acts cyber predator this category of predators refers to people who take advantage of others from their own benefit by using technology and technological advancement such as social media online chat groups dating apps community board sites and seemingly endless list of virtual scams identity theft is one of the most widely discussed virtual crimes committed by cyber predators the process of proving this can be cumbersome and it can take years to recover from financial and credit issues this is one of the forms of predatory behavior that those intrigued by dark psychology study choose a research topic or through interest cyber predators are an increasing concern as more and more of our daily lives are electronic or online from being paid to saving retirement money to interacting safely with friends and family exchanging sensitive information in critical situations without fear of being hacked captured or copied due to the fact that virtually all communication with cyber predators takes place it can be almost impossible to locate these criminals and dangerous individuals or groups who use the internet has an unlimited hunting ground many of the new advances in cyber security designed to protect vulnerable or unfamiliar individuals with virtual interactions can also be used to shelter and protect those who use the virtual world for nefarious purposes emotional predator often this type of predator is lumped into general predators still being handled for more common categorization they are described as people who feel positive and happy to cause harm to others what specifically separates emotional predators from the general classification of predators is that their typical hunting ground involves victims who are targeted for their potential for romantic relationships emotional predators are building romantic relationships not out of a desire for companionship but in order to benefit in some way whether it is a focus on emotional or psychological harm over time as the relationship grows or the benefit could also be financial with a predator forming a relationship in order to later divorce their spouse from monetary gain there are a variety of other predatory labels that people can use depending on their behavior and their ultimate motivation for the techniques they use to perfect through practice or the people they target in their favorite hunting grounds the best way to protect yourself and the people you adore from predators is not to memorize all kinds of predators but rather to understand the general markers that can be used to identify someone with predatory thoughts and actions knowledge is commonly said to be power or in other words the more a person knows the more successful and productive they will be in their efforts to achieve their personal and professional goals the same implies that those who are interested in dark psychology its impact on the human mind and in particular how to identify predators in their surroundings or in their personal lives some of the most prolific common traits of predatory people include an uncanny ability to fake their emotions depending on their situation or audience but no real sympathy or emotional connections are formed they tend to embrace the victim's position in trouble or in a situation where negative attention is received playing the emotions of people by increasing the amount of empathy that someone feels for them or the remorse of someone else to get upset with a manipulative individual is the kind of emotional control that they try in their cultural private and work environments we fail to take responsibility for their actions in terms of how or how we affect others on the situation the survivor will be blamed by many abusers for their issues or negative emotional interactions while enhancing their own reputation as the incident victim their personal opinion is very low and uncomfortably negative that's why predators are often known to hide behind carefully constructed psychological masks that show people that they interact with each other on a daily basis or their victims if they hunt so that people are often caught by surprise when they finally see the individual who and what they are pro tip how to instantly detect psychological traits the amount of knowledge collected prior to practical use affects whether a person is able to understand dark psychology traits as regular behavior and how well if at all they will be able to identify them in their daily interactions while gathering your basic knowledge of psychology and how it influences human behavior one of the best subjects to explore is known psychological personality types and what to look for when attempting to categorize someone you associate with there are a number of different gestures twitches eye movements or word choices that can be made by people who are influenced by their personality type and behavioral pattern background the more you learn how to recognize and interpret these physical and verbal abilities the more you can read the people around you to understand their point of view or thought process under different circumstances and help predict their actions specifically if the situation is serious or dangerous when human traits have been identified a few main forms of psychological personality can be categorized into individuals such personality marks have entered the mainstream society and are widely recognized even in fundamental social circumstances here is a brief introduction to introverts extroverts and open personalities to give a closer look at better understanding of human social nature to everyone introverts compared to those around them this type of personality often seems to be shy and quiet ideally most introverts avoid social situations unless they are needed and when dealing with emotions or difficult situations turn their thoughts and reactions inward we can often be classified as antisocial and fulfill some of the character traits required to be labeled psychologically they are most often provoked as their main emotional force by terror this might be fear of rejection or feeling outcast each introvert's details are different based on their personal experience environments and circumstance social anxiety can be a powerful driving force for introverts and when this is the case their anxieties may manifest as physical tics in social situations such as jumping fingers ringing hands or chewing lips there are not a lot of introverts that fit easily into the field of dark psychology those who do identify as introverts and dark characters tend to lead strongly towards narcissism and its characteristics introverts are known to get tired during group activities or a large number of people surround them especially when they are not used to being in larger groups one of the reasons for this is because of their natural instinct to stay within their own heads to focus on keeping their defenses and shielding themselves from gaining any attention from people around them one of the positive features of introverts is that they are observant and sensitive to their surroundings as they spend most of their time in defensive mode they often absorb information and take mental pictures of their surrounding in order to remember if it is needed by the situation extroverts this type of personality in psychology is best known as outgoing friendly and loud speakers while this may be true for many people not all extroverts have the same open nature and research has shown that in their personal behavior they are more likely to exhibit risky dark psychology characteristics than most other personalities again this depends on the history health status and environment of the individual as with introverts people who qualify as extroverts may also exhibit physical characteristics or behavioral patterns such as high levels of confidence that can be expressed by their postures usually by square shoulders holding their heads high and keeping their heart tight extroverts are better at making direct eye contact in conversation which can be difficult when it comes to dia they are typically the most social personality types with large groups of friends not all close some may be just acquaintances and make excellent additions to teams and group assignments people with an open personality are highly adaptable and are known to find a way to feel comfortable in whatever situation they are in open personalities welcome new experiences that can be used to their advantage throughout their lives but at times they could also find it difficult as their widespread interest could also be a form of distraction that type of person seems to know a bit about a lot of different subjects so for trivia nights or has an on-call person they are fun to be around a wide range of knowledge can hinder their interest in concentrating on a particular field of study or professional practice people with open personalities not only like attending parties but also like being the one who throws them away we perform well when they are people around them either for support or as an audience there are some physical characteristics associated with open-minded personalities such as a soft wide-ranging smile that many would encounter at their first beating or make physical contact while engaging others this includes a type of diligent personality characterized by high energy levels that converge on aggressive or dominant and the type of neurotic personality often characterized by nervous repetitive and sometimes compulsive behavioral patterns what was observed about these personality types is that they are less likely to be classified without having any psychological disorders linked to their emotional control or interaction as well in order to fit into a specific category and be treated or treated as a hazardous predatory personality a person must display at least three or more traits associated with their particular type and be diagnosed with a professional psychologist or other experts trained and accredited to label predators however simply because someone is not a predator of the psychological personality type or traits it does not mean that a person cannot exhibit predatory behavior here's a look at some of the most widely recognized and widely practiced predatory behaviors recognized by experts around the globe there are four main behaviors identified in predators that take advantage of their knowledge and practical experience with dark psychology to victimize others violence whether physical emotional or psychological predators with aggressive personalities or lack of emotional control when it comes to their personal feelings the habit of taking their reactions lack of reasonable thinking or inability to calm down in stressful situations are two of the most common traits associated with predators that exhibit violent behaviors eerie calmness having emotional control and self-awareness that helps people make rational choices in high stress situations is something that most adults have a basic understanding and talent when they're out of school and in the professional world but it's never something that people stop practicing and honing their skills a flat and unemotional response to the settings and events that call for it replaced or overtaken by a sense of calm and control that can make others uncomfortable around them is a type of behavior that is often associated with social predators emotional predators and predators that can also be classified as introverted by psychological professionals when studied rationality and understanding preachers who show leadership and motivational qualities in social settings and behavioral patterns often typically have the ability to maintain control of their personal emotions and responses regardless of changes in their situations or circumstances we do not act impulsively and take pride in their ability to find rational and logical solutions to problems that may have been ignored or perceived as failures by others they have a solid understanding of how things work around them whether it's their office's social circles or whether they choose an argument to get the customer to their way of thinking when used productively these talents can be of great help in professional endeavors control and dominance often seen alongside interactive behaviors and violent predators these types of people are often stubborn and do not work well with others unless they have absolute control of the situation in environments or assignments where there is no total control predators with this type of behavioral pattern will do everything they can to make themselves indispensable or to improve their standing even if it means tearing down and causing harm to others at the same time the dark name may make some people want to avoid thinking about it or at least refuse to try to understand the theory but the fact is that many of dark psychology strategies methods and ideas are used sometimes purposely but often unconsciously and every person's daily interactions with anyone they come into contact with and frequent communication with others dark psychology at its heart is a classified and written study of human nature's most evil side thoughts and behavioral patterns what describes it how to interpret it what to look for individuals from their appearance to what they say in everyday conversations where morals and ethics are considered and how to use it for both beneficial and malevolent purposes predators are only one category of studies in dark psychology and are known in psychological deception and coercion for their talents typically the first course of action for predators regardless of their specific subcategory or predatory characteristics is to use popular methods of deception and gather as much information as possible about their potential victims before initial contact deception once they have chosen their target the next move for them is to earn the trust of the victim and then use manipulative tactics to gain control of them in order to achieve their goal definitely deception is the act of deceiving someone or making them believe or even support an untrue statement or other information when it goes from being a simple action to being greeted as art somebody has practiced and improved their manipulative skills to the point where their action is smooth water tight and successful in achieving the goals they set out to achieve common examples of deception in people's daily lives include children are good at mild deception especially when they think they're in trouble or think they've done something wrong children's upset stomach or painful abdomen is one of the most common manipulative tactics through feigning a condition that's bad enough to keep them from doing or thinking about anything they're trying to avoid they realize that as long as they don't have to say anything bad enough to need a doctor they can use it as an effective means of manipulation for a variety of circumstances assuming they're not caught the ethics of medical studies and the use of placebos have been questioned as to whether it is correct or not whether it is effective in obtaining reliable results or a research method that should be considered due to the deceptive nature and potential effect on the results a placebo is a sugar-based drug that is marked as another type of real medication being tested and given to half of the test subjects at the same medicated half level to see how the chemical composition of the actual medicine affects the human form compared to the results by those taking the placebo another common misleading tactic used by people for a variety of reasons is a little white lie a little white lie is a claim that is false or misleading but said to prevent a person from having a negative emotional or psychological consequences that the truth would have definitions of this include telling a co-worker that you like the new outfit they wear as a way to boost their confidence even though it may not be a style you like or telling a customer that the ridiculous amount of detailed work they had to do to close a sale was no problem even though you had to put in three hours of overtime predators of any kind are dangerous as their main purpose in life is to harm others for self-satisfaction upliftment or improvement for those who see these habits or character defining characteristics in their family loved ones or the people with whom they interact the only way to make sure that you are free from a predator's reach and that you do not become a target is to isolate them or yourself from any closeness or intimacy it can be harder than it sounds depending on how close you are to the individual or how constrained you are in actions you can take control of the situation but eventually it is worth ensuring that your own personality mental and emotional state is maintained throughout the ups and downs of life ways to deception deception quiet and observant this is a shared quality of predators and those using the techniques of dark psychology to further their personal or professional standing the main reason for this is that you need to have a good understanding of what is happening around you to identify flaws and shortcomings in individuals projects or circumstances when the time comes the more information a person can gather about their surroundings or the people they are involved with the more they will have to use to their advantage people who use blackmail as a way to get money or run disadvantages are known by those who knew them before or during their criminal acts to be good listeners and careful watchers because of their reserved nature these types of people are often identified as introverts but in reality fall more closely into the category of open personality as they can move freely between introverts and extroverts depending on what their current needs are the risk is in the details preachers concerned with inconvenience or social ruses such as robbery of planned activities rely on deceit and falsehoods to avoid being caught or hampered in their plans research carried out on an international scale and over a number of age groups indicate that one of the behavioral benefits of people who have developed their duplicity skills is that they put as few details as possible when they have to lie in order to achieve their goals for example they might tell someone they won't be able to meet them later because they're going out but they're going to leave out specifics like when they're going to be out or where they're going specifically the reason for this is that it is possible to check details and contest them keep it clear and straightforward the best advice that most experts give to those who want to improve their manipulative forces is not to provide information or specifics about anything that you are doing freely or openly only inform people when they ask about what is happening and make sure they only answer what they are asking keep it vague and make it easy it's harder to remember more complex stories and much easier to get trapped if they are incorrect repetition and buying time if someone is interviewed or interrogated it may make someone sound like a parrot but one behavioral habit that those who practice dark psychology either come naturally or learn as a survival skill is to repeat questions before answering them or to repeat important pieces of information often in their own words to ensure that there is no mistake it helps them to prevent allowing any new or potential damaging data to slip unintentionally repetition is another behavioral trait shared by those who display psychopathic traits and continue to develop social skills repetition may also be classified as mimicry when used by these types of personalities we are able to practice their own voice and vocabulary by repeating the tone and exact wording of those who first speak to them as we develop a personal style and personality that comes into play in the more nuanced dark psychology methods and plans not only do they gain practical experience with this behavioral pattern but they can also be confident that the style they're cultivating is normal relative to other aspects of human behavior and culture physical tics and giveaways when asked about an emotional topic or asked about something personal and sensitive about their feelings deceptive people take comfort in unconscious physical tics that can be used as gifts to observe deceptive traits some of the most noted manipulative symptoms include playing with their hair either by spinning it in their fingers or running their hands through it to brush it away from their face even if nothing is there increased heart rate and heavy breathing are also common signs of deception fiddling with buttons and pulling their clothing while concentrating or listening carefully to what is disappearing keep reading to learn not only how to develop a variety of methods and behaviors but also how to detect these tactics when used on you and how to protect yourself from becoming a target of predatory habit chapter 8 identifying manipulative behaviors emotional or secret coercion can be described by mental abuse has a distinct effect with the intention of manipulating or gaining benefits at the expense of the victim recognizing the significant social impact of manipulative mental abuse is crucial one person is used with coercion to help another intentionally the controller does whatever it needs to serve its interest best and only its interests the following chapter will discuss ways of identifying what techniques deceptive individuals routinely use to force other people into a position of detriment some of these things are going to be very obvious signs of manipulation that you may already have recognized commonly others will be more subtle and aspects we need to be mindful of when we talk to people that we would not necessarily consider coercion note that not everyone who behaves in accordance with these habits tries to exploit you knowingly nevertheless perceiving such activities is crucial in situations where your rights interest and protection are at stake signs of manipulators of emotional manipulation will attempt to take you to their home turf or at least to a place where they are comfortable this will eventually make it easier for them to manipulate you a manipulative person can allow you to communicate with them at a specific location such as an office home or public setting it gives them a sense of command since before asking you there they most likely scope the place out that way while you may not know anything about the place yet they are familiar with their surroundings cunning but a simple way to gain control access for manipulators manipulators will give you the opportunity to have first say to build up your courage before addressing your weakness this is done by numerous sales representatives when they decide if you'll be the perfect candidate to buy what they are about to offer we create a benchmark on your logic and behavior by asking general questions and evaluating them from which they can determine your strengths and deficiencies this kind of concealed plan addressing can also occur in the work environment or with personal connections manipulators know how to twist the truth and they're going to get away with it because they don't always think they're lying they're finding a way to twist the truth so much that they believe it's 100 true this can occur in the forms of deception making argument double dealing censoring the injured person for causing their own abuse distortion of reality disclosure or retention of vital information misrepresentation modest portrayal of the facts and seeing only the truth in their own narrative sometimes manipulators will overwhelm you by presenting you with a great deal of knowledge sometimes in a confusing way they exploit you by feeding yourself with false claims measurements and other information that you may not care about or investigate yourself in deals or financial circumstances in conversations at expert level or social interactions this can happen the manipulator creates the perfect opportunity to snare you by assuming control over you some people use this system to have a sense of academic predominance manipulators also find ways to formally overwhelm you which means they are going to blame their decisions on rules or regulations and events that seem to be outside their control many people use administration desk work procedures rules consulting teams and various forms of government to advance their strategy of trying to make you fall for their deception scheme this method can also be used to postpone reality discovery conceal imperfections and weaknesses and sidestep examination your employer can make you work on a holiday and justify that he couldn't do something even though he could have made the same change himself this approach is like saying i would if i could although the manipulator can definitely change the situation a manipulator often raises his voice and displays negative emotions this can be a powerful control device if they complain loudly enough or express negative feelings that are out of proportion to a situation most reasonable people would succumb to their threats and give them what they need if not for a better reason to maintain peace the strong voice is usually accompanied by solid non-verbal communication such as standing movements or energized motions to enhance conflict surprise may choose to use another can technique manipulator we may use an outrageous statement when telling the story such as you'll never believe what the other person has done to me they also use incredible assertions such as i was the only one doing any work today these paint a surprising situation that can catch off guard the other person more likely to fall for the increased truths that the manipulator shares the sudden negative information regularly comes unexpectedly so you only have to plan and counter for a short time you may be asked by the controller for additional concessions to keep working with you in some situations a manipulator might not even give you the opportunity to choose this is a standard contract and agreement technique where you are depending on the controller to decide an option before you get ready a manipulator will have high expectations of you and demand high demands bearing in mind that you may not be able to do what they request they'll make it look like it's not even an option to say no although it might be unfair in the first place what they're asking of you manipulators expect you to break and surrender to the demands of the manipulator by applying pressure and power rather than asking do you think you can do that they're always going to ask when can you do that never give you the chance to decide to do something first it makes it difficult for you to say no to anything they might be asking for manipulators will indulge cynical cleverness aimed at jabbing your vulnerabilities and undermining you they're going to make sarcastic jokes and knock you down and when you're offended by these terms they're going to say i was just joking or no big deal manipulators like to make statements sometimes disguise a witness or collegiality to depict victims as second rate or week these remarks relating to appearance personality experience and credentials and how you strolled late and tired in two minutes the attacker wants to establish control over you by making you look bad and making you feel terrible in an attempt to point out things about you that could affect how others view you they also do this while you may enjoy some musician that others don't think about a manipulator might say something like how could anyone like that band the silent treatment is a popular manipulator tool they know you may be the best way to get under your skin if you ignore it by deliberately not responding to your calls messages or requests the manipulator assumes control by making you pause it means putting in your mind uncertainty and vulnerability sometimes silence can be the most powerful weapon we may not personally give you the silent treatment but they may claim to forget you so you don't know their intentions the manipulator makes you take on what is her duty and makes you sweat with effort and anxiety by pretending that she doesn't understand what you need or what you need her to do kids use this technique to postpone assignments delay demands on them and force grown-ups to do what the child would not like to do for them this strategy is also used by some adults when they have a task they want to ignore or a commitment they want to avoid for instance mopping the floor intentionally poorly can trick the person in charge to decide not to delegate the task to you again this can mean on a larger scale someone in a relationship pretends to be unaware of what you might need on an emotional level they're going to say things like i don't understand what you're going to want even though they know very well what you need and just don't want to get into the work to achieve that aim this leads to how often you are going to be guilty by manipulators other examples might include blaming others instead of him or herself dwelling on their own failure behaving as if someone else holds the key to their success and accomplishment or despondency and deceit the controller pressures the recipient into surrender by focusing on guilt-tripping others then manipulators will make sure the victim plays no matter how wrong it may be some examples of this type of behavior include over represented or imagined individual issues misrepresented or manufactured medical problems reliance codependency conscious for agility to inspire compassion and support and frail or weak playing the motive for victim playing manipulators is often to exploit the sympathy of the victim feelings of guilt feelings of duty and loyalty or eagerness to protect and help to extricate ludicrous advantages and concessions the term gas lighting is often used to refer to manipulation that causes individuals to address themselves their existence memories or musings gaslighting is basically when someone tries to make you feel crazy so that their manipulative behavior can get away a manipulative person can change what you're saying and make it all about it catch the conversation and make you feel compelled to do something bad when you've done nothing wrong you may feel a misguided sense of guilt when you're gaslighted that you've done something terrible even if that's not the case manipulators blame in a case they emit no responsibility instead if you let a manipulator know they hurt your feelings they'll point out how crazy you are remember things wrong or be too sensitive to the situation you can almost be sure that you are being used as soon as someone does you a favor not for the sake of just because but with hidden motives an effective manipulator can be called mr nice guy this person can be helpful to other people and complete a lot of favors yet there's a string attached to every great deed a desire if you do not satisfy the desire or intent of the manipulator you will be identified as irrational for example a sales rep even though they don't think the item suits you might influence your decision to buy a clothing item the accomplice can get you flowers right before asking you for a favor in a relationship since they misused social standards these strategies work it's normal to respond to favors but we still feel constrained to accept and go along when someone delivers one misleadingly another manipulation method is to inspire fear in somebody only afterwards to give them some relief you may be frightened by someone to go somewhere different building up your fear around the location they will then try to protect you and make you feel safe even though the worries they warned you about were not real in the first place this can be achieved when a significant decision can be made at first the manipulator will tell you all the reasons you should be afraid of they're going to tell you about the negative things going on and they're going to do whatever they need to make sure you're nervous they will then come up with a solution to ensure that you are dependent on them and look up to them as a type of savior this technique can be used by several different companies to sell you their product for example somebody can make you an elbow cream and tell you that if you don't use it you're at risk of getting a certain disease then you're going to start making sure you buy your stuff because you're scared of this illness even though you've never heard of it or even thought about it before you watch the ad in certain cases bribery is an effective tool for manipulators they can do it in obvious ways saying something about how if you can do this thing for them they will give you money or some reward when you refuse they will continue using other manipulative tactics until they get what they want even sacrificing the payoff in the process and you end up walking away with no benefits at all a way for manipulators to manipulate is to mirror the target they will begin to act like the other person so that the exploited person feels closer to them we can speak about similar struggles and difficulties we have experienced in life that are similar to the exploited person for example someone who talks about how they struggle with grief after losing a few friends might find that their manipulator makes up or exaggerates another death to try to relate to that person they will then find that when they feel empathetic it is easier to control the person storytelling is a tactic simple to exploit manipulators are going to be experts twisting a story to make sure it fits their ends they're not always going to make up new and original lies completely but they're certainly going to twist the truth so it sounds better for them making them look like a hero or the victim whatever suits their needs when they share the story manipulators are going to learn how to fix their victim's mood although they are stubborn and getting what they want if it means having more power over a particular individual they can be very adaptable when they know someone likes a certain restaurant they'll take them there or if they want to be at home alone and quiet they'll do that taking people to places they like is not bad but if you do so to psychologically to see them into giving you something you want that's when it becomes manipulation for manipulators managing your speech as well as the movements and touch they use is critical we can be great actors at the drop of a hat we can change their voice and movements we all have different moods that may cause us to act differently depending on the situation but a true manipulator would wear a lot of faces that they can alter whenever they want manipulators are often aware of the power of silence even though they may have countless tricks and strategies they can use on other people they will still know at the end of the day that sometimes being quiet can be the most powerful thing to do less common manipulation tactics holding a deliberate look will make people feel like they are being listened to honestly manipulative people will make excellent eye contact and even take it a step further and improve their eye contact with a committed and invested facial expression check limits are regularly given to a mesmerizing look in order to examine how you react manipulators can do or say something awkward just before or after the mesmerizing look the look may be like passion or attraction if the hypnotic look of someone makes you feel off or at any range it's best to get up and take a break from the situation you're in when things get overwhelming test your feelings and consider your character and beliefs manipulators don't know about the body language of other men but without much warning they can cross boundaries in general individuals that cross boundaries have a specific appeal to them manipulative people will try to break the rules in humble and sometimes playful ways for example they might step on the sidewalk in front of you just to see if you're going to allow it manipulative people can raise you out of the ground in the midst of embraces to find ways to attack your personal space generally speaking narcissists and manipulative people are closer to others than other people do they use intrusion into space to threaten exhibit control test limits and tempt manipulative people love to use this strategy to foster control over you and to motivate you to see to their decisions or demands sometimes without hesitation a manipulator could share secrets with you they're going to do this as a ploy to keep you interested in them and to make them look more available relatable and reliable you may also do this because they want you to reciprocate and share secrets they can use against you instead in the future once you approach the manipulator of the deception the manipulator may deny that you have ever said anything making you feel insane and defeated manipulative people know how to make their victims talk nice we always know how to keep you at all times engaged in what we say manipulative people as well as narcissists are narrative spinners it seems to be hard to stop them when they get started on anything by how often they trust you manipulative personalities can make you feel special you may feel like you've done something wrong when they stop disclosing stuff to you and will do your best to get back into their great graces creating this form of vulnerability is related to manipulating your time and focus in order to secure your attention to the whim of the manipulator through selectively communicating and withdrawing if you see someone bullying you take a step back and put some distance between you and that person manipulators sometimes use pet names instead of your actual name when someone starts calling you by a pet name it might seem nice be that has it may phrases like kid or deer will be used by deceptive personalities to belittle you then when they stop calling you by the name of a dog it can cause feelings of abandonment and leave you wondering what you have fouled up is just another part of their tactical maneuvers if you're bothered by such names reveal that you don't value being called pet names and would rather be called by your real name if someone likes you a lot you should obviously feel good about yourself distinguishing what their actual intentions are is important sometimes people will use compliments to get something out of you if you have authority in your job school or other professional setting people with less authority or lower position than you can use compliments with advancement expectations if the person who praises you is at the same stage it could be a genuine compliment without misleading process of thought male female relationships of course further complicate these problems even in the work environment a compliment can be used as a trick to further a social agenda in a situation between equals not everyone who compliments means you're being exploited it's smart to be aware of the actual aspirations of individuals confined in your intuition if somebody feels off it may be helpful to find out why it may take some practice to prevent yourself from falling for manipulative tactics a conventional way of telling if you're in a relationship or just having a conversation with the individual trying to manipulate you is to focus on where they're bringing the conversation when they try to make you feel exponentially lucky or bad for yourself this is a significant warning sign nonetheless it is important to note that the reasons above do not guarantee that you are dealing with a manipulative person for example using pet names does not mean that you or your partner is manipulative to analyze manipulators you need to take into account their entire character and not just their specific behavioral attributes chapter 9 dealing with a manipulation in a relationship the culture romanticizes deceptive relations so much when talking about love that it can be hard to recognize them for what they are we have lots of literature suggesting that genuine relationships are about fixation that pure love is all out and that people who are infatuated have no boundaries or separate lives while many people romanticize the concept of a deceptive relationship we have to realize that it is not real love in fact sometimes it may trigger a dramatic storyline intention that keeps the reader engaged but there is no fun actually living through a deceptive relationship that is romantic you may have been warned of manipulating people and the fact that coercion and mistreatment are worrying the facts are that being in a relationship of control and manipulation that never develops into ill treatment can also be terrifying and dangerous just because somebody doesn't harm you physically doesn't mean you can't feel pain from their actions yet being dominated or put down by a partner can damage our faith make us feel fearful of relationships in the future and leave us feeling lost rather than comforted with a variety of mental and emotional injuries that we should not be burdened with you may be familiar with symptoms of a negative relationship you might have met a partner for instance who required you to wear only certain clothing items or didn't want you to visit your friends and family this person might want to know where you're going what you're doing and why you're just a couple of minutes late manipulators are frequently very anxious people allowing nervous thoughts to pass through their brains and control their actions we channel their intense fear and anxiety into hallucinations about what you might do if you're not around them they're going to think about their worst fears and what you can do to damage them so they're going to assume you're doing these things when you're not around this may hate them if you're not around sometimes it may seem flattering to have someone so concerned about you you might think it's so sweet that they always want to know where i am and i'm safe but it's not their intention when someone is going to take great steps to control you unfortunately they're not concerned about your well-being therefore they're thinking i need to make sure i know where this person is at all times so they don't do something that i don't approve of your presence is actually their assurance that you're not meeting their worst fears about the bad things that you're doing to them when you're not both of you together in this case they won't be addressing your needs the manipulator behaves only to serve the interests of his own a manipulator will never tell you that but will only be worried with improving the way they look to you they're always going to use this technique to make sure you feel guilty they would make you feel guilty if you don't respond for 20 minutes instead of admitting that it's totally acceptable for a person to not always write back immediately we would view you as if you did something wrong or disrespectful to them without considering the fact that at the time you're actually not around your phone or too busy to answer first marriage should feel better not confining scary or distressing and having an accomplice will make you happier not more sorrowful there will definitely be hard times in life your mate may not be understood and they may not understand you on the way to making you stronger these challenges should be pure obstacles there shouldn't be a healthy relationship that continuously drains you and tears you down making you feel constantly exhausted signs of a manipulative relationship most of us have had terrible things happening in our lives enough terrible things that the prospect of a hero sweeping us off our feet and protecting us from any problems whatever remains of our lives can sound extremely tempting for this reason we are sometimes looking in the wrong places for security empathy and care reconsider whether the support thoughts of your partner include stopping you from making your own decisions and living your own life a partner who secures you by assuming responsibility for your max of accounts or perhaps speaking to a partner you've been struggling with doesn't pay special attention to you they're trying to make you have no choice but to put all your faith in them and no one else a true partner knows they can't protect you and what it holds from everyday life they can just support when you need them if you run into a money related issue at some point a trusted partner can help you pray an overabundance of unopened bills give help but don't take control of the situation they won't take your passwords or insist that only a small amount of money per month be allowed until you have paid off all of your current debt a true partner is going to offer help yet realize you need to manage your own problems one common manipulative technique of a relationship is to make us feel guilty when we see friends and family members if we imagine someone trying to cut off their partner from their emotionally supportive network we envisioned something similar to a contemptible husband in a movie made for tv that threatens his better half that she'll never talk to her closest friend again nevertheless deceptive spouses can also inconspicuously isolate you from your support network a surely manipulative person will not outwardly discourage you from seeing your family because it could be an obvious sign that you should be running in the opposite direction we will make the coercion more subtle rather than slowly dragging you out of your life rather than an outright ban if your partner can convince you to apologize for an action that you know you have not done wrongly and that you are doing your manipulative partner will realize that he or she can force you to do whatever they want you to do each time you go out with your buddies your partner can sulk until you blow off other friends just to save the tension perhaps your partner will make negative remarks about your loved ones until you begin to believe that the thoughts they have about these people are valid you may even have a hobby or an event you enjoy trying to get your manipulator to stop doing it they'll make sure that you know that your interest is idiotic it will ridicule you until you give it up the scrutiny of a controlling partner may not always appear as such it can be framed in a reasonable and rational way implying that your partner is just trying to help you they might even tell you they're really trying to help you at school they will research your decisions some of their sentences may include why do you choose to use it for your presentation you're not thinking about what the boss will think they're going to be questions about your spending habits and how you're going to buy things with questions like did you really have to buy another shirt manipulators are going to spin their words so it's not clear that the choices you make are wrong but a seed of doubt and insecurity is being planted all partners however examine each other periodically our loved ones are still supposed to look for us and sometimes we need others to help us make choices or point out bad habits remember to always test this person's true purpose and find out why they really want you to change your actions sometimes a manipulator may ask for access to your personal belongings in a relationship but they will not grant you the same rights we may know all your secrets but we rarely trust you they're not just less likely to share and they're definitely not helping you this type of behavior demonstrates that the other person dominates your partner does not reserve the right of searching your emails or texts or asking for your passwords because they say they are concerned that you may be cheating there is a distinction between having insider facts and having a healthy independence from your partner and when you're in a relationship with someone you don't have to surrender that every so often sincere couples healing from a disaster would require the weakened spouse to view the messages of each other as a form of transparency but if this isn't an agreement you've worked out directly with your partner it's incorrect by emotional influence coercion is all about influencing the way someone else thinks and acts this is veiled with emotion or at least what appears to be a sort of empathy most of the time this is a calculated attempt by the manipulator concerned to relate to the victim it is essential that we recognize the impact it has had on us in order to completely overcome this manipulation if you want a healthy relationship with someone it's crucial that we look at all the ways we've been affected by their relationship it may be the first sign that there is a manipulative relationship if the impact is negative most manipulative people have four standard attributes they know the weaknesses they use your vulnerabilities against you they persuade you to surrender something of yourself in order to serve them through their quick plots if a controller triumphs manipulating you he is likely to repeat the crime until the mistreatment is stopped they're going to have a lot of different reasons for keeping you around and controlling you one might just be because a past relationship damages them they may have confidence issues that have made it difficult for them to be transparent and consider other partners this can make them feel like they need to manipulate you in order to keep you loyal to them many partners could be lonely people who are desperate for love and attention you will stop at nothing to make sure you stick around even if that means bribery whether you feel like you're going to take that path or are afraid you're going to abandon them you may also just want practical things from you such as financial support or your shared house a car or other benefits that are not connected to you as a person they love but rather the life you choose to live these are some of the most dangerous manipulators and are as normal as the others understand your rights in a relationship it can be difficult to understand how to get out when someone is in the midst of an abusive relationship manipulators are good at creating uncertainty so they can also avoid blame for trying to control others instantly recalling your rights is the way to ensure that you are safe these are the things you completely have the right to take away and should never allow another person to take away if you can remember these consistently manipulation will be easier to confront as it happens and it will be easier to recognize when a conversation may be toxic then again you may give up these rights if you convey vulnerability to other people our common main human rights are the following you deserve respect from others especially from those you respect your thoughts feelings and emotions can be expressed you reserve the right to understand your own needs share them with others and do what you need to meet those needs as long as you don't take anything away from others you reserve the privilege of saying no without feeling sorry you reserve the privilege of getting what you're paying for working for and making an effort when people threaten you you have the right to protect yourself from other people you have the right to make a happy and healthy life of your own our general public is loaded with people who do not respect these rights specifically mental controllers must deny you your rights to try their manipulative tactics on you however if you express the confidence and authority to announce that it is you not the controller who is responsible for your life you can push back such attempts at control again more possibly these people have embossing around others for so long and have never been up to it let them realize that they make you feel awkward and exploited please stand up for yourself regardless of whether they condemn their actions or try to turn it back on you in any situation you will relax by knowing that you are safeguarding yourself and taking a stand for truth maybe they'll start changing their tune if they believe you're hitting a nerve with them given all this once they scare everyone off they'll no longer have anyone to exploit it's easier to say than done to keep a strategic distance from them if they do not immediately demonstrate their genuine nature please listen to the first hint of them steaming your emotions gradually moving from the relationship in the opposite direction and pointing out your shortcomings to them manipulators need to manipulate another person which is why they go so long to find people they can affect if in the past you were part of a manipulative relationship they could see some of that previous trauma as a way to make you more vulnerable to their progress when you find that someone is still interested in your past and the negative experiences that you have encountered consider looking for your flaws and causes some people may just want to connect to you on a more human level but be mindful of the techniques used by manipulators to try to get better control over their victims some manipulators will routinely shift the person they can be from one situation to the next being exceedingly courteous to one person and totally inconsiderate to another or one minute completely defenseless or the following wildly forceful when you frequently see this type of behavior from a person keep a healthy distance and refrain from engaging with the individual except for the most urgent needs whatever the demand there are some manipulators who will try to use the time pressure and force you to make quick decisions so you don't really have a chance to really consider what they're asking for talk about using time to promote your well-being and detach yourself from this coercive hold on such occasions rather than responding to the query of the controller immediately and making a simple statement like i'll consider it you will exert control over the situation think about how incredible these few sentences can sound to a manipulator you did not commit to their demands but neither do you deny them that gives a manipulator the sense that although you know otherwise they already have power over you take the time you need to assess a circumstances advantages and disadvantages and decide whether you need to devise a fairer game plan or taking control and put yourself in an ideal position your basic human rights include the privilege of defining your own desires the privilege of saying no without shame and the privilege of choosing what looks like a satisfying and healthy life you can rehearse clear and assertive communication by practicing the act of saying no out loud and then saying no to a manipulator doing so gently and immovably gives you a sense of self-control while holding the relationship's door open a manipulator turns into a jerk of dominance when someone else is scared or damaged by the individual in question nothing can help to expose the motivations and emotions of a true manipulator more than when they are forced to examine themselves and look deeply into how they handle others the most important thing to remember about ruthless jerks is that they appear to level out the people who seem likely to succumb to coercion and if you remain confident you're not going to fall as high on the prospect list of a manipulator as others may numerous harassers however are the fetus on the inside the domineering bully will routinely retreat at the point where their victims start to demonstrate the power to stand up for themselves this applies to both social and school situations and in terms of office research shows on a humane level that many harassers were themselves survivors of violence nonetheless it should in no way justify abusive behavior understanding that harassers have been victimized can encourage you to think in a more empathetic way about the dominant jerk yet note that others shouldn't be hurting someone who is injured does that mean you're going to go and do the same to someone else after you've been manipulated when facing attacks make sure that you place your face on a brave face and stand your ground while other people are present to watch and stand with you when you need additional help don't be afraid to alert or contact available legal resources law enforcement and medical professionals in case of physical emotional or mental mistreatment getting an entourage with you or even a police officer may seem dramatic when doing something like picking up old things from the home of the next manipulator or meeting them nevertheless preserving yourself is always worthwhile although we can predict some of the manipulators thinking patterns in any given situation we can never really know how they will react don't give room for self-blame since the purpose of the abuser is to look for and exploit your vulnerabilities it is understandable that you may feel inferior or even blame yourself for failing to comply with the motivations of the manipulator note that you are not the problem in these circumstances you are being exploited to feel terrible for yourself with the intention of surrendering your ability and rights think of your relationship with the controller and ask the following questions is this person considering my fundamental human rights is it rational fair and something i can do without harming myself what they ask me to do are they asking me for this because they can't or don't want to do it do both parties give in this relationship or doesn't come only from one end do i like the person i'm when i'm with them if they're around me are they their best version your answers to these inquiries give you critical hints as to whether the issue and what you find yourself is a result of something you do or something your partner does putting a target on their back by asking questions as another thing you can do to defend yourself from manipulators let them always answer their own questions and pressure them to rely on their own behavior manipulators concentrate their manipulation attempts to get you to do the things you don't want to do it's as easy as that such deals motivate you frequently to make a special effort to solve their problems if they say or suggest something that sounds unfair makes you uncomfortable or is irrational it is important to bring the focus back to the planner by asking a few questions to test if they are fully aware of their plan's imbalance you set up a silhouette of what the manipulator expected of you when you ask the above questions therefore the manipulator can see precisely what hides their actions if the controller has a level of awareness the person is likely to justify their offensive behavior and state in a more constructive manner what they want then again the questions will be dispelled by expert manipulators and demands to get their way if this happens take note of the next tips to get out of a dishonest situation that we are addressing set consequences make clear the consequences of their actions when a manipulator demands something that transgresses the boundaries make sure you still share your feelings so they can't deny them maybe they don't understand your feelings they will not be willing to listen at all times and don't expect sympathy from them they can't say your feelings are not real though if they do they will light you up which is an offensive strategy you should never stand up for when you force them to think about the way they made you feel it can help to show the effect don't show it right away even if you forgive them internally wait for them to demonstrate the action you've been waiting for let's look at one instance let's say that your partner manipulated you to skipping your family party because they didn't want to go and without them they didn't want you to go let them know that they're hurting your feelings and making you feel guilty about missing your parents they might say i haven't done that but they can't decide that you can let them know you understand that they may not have been their goal although it may have been but that either way you were still hurt if they aren't willing to accept this why are you willing to accept that when you thought you could go to the party without them they were hurt ask the question why should you be willing to listen to theirs if they are not willing to listen to your feelings don't give them up no matter how hard they're trying until they realize they're hurting your feelings it's as simple as that they may try to avoid it make you laugh or distract you so you don't get mad but don't give up until they meant that they hurt you and apologize one of the most critical skills you can use to work with a troubled individual is the ability to discern and predict consequences a result is something that will hurt them not you ask yourself what you can take from them to get them to really start thinking about you not just about themselves in any given situation your friend could be another example of coercion offering you the silent treatment after you ignore them for an hour let's say you've been at work and you've been busy so you've skipped their message asking what you want to watch on television later that night this is a very simple thing in a situation that is rational you can't be expected to reply every minute of the day to your mobile particularly when you appear to have commitments to work your companion will be locked in the bedroom when you get back not talking to you at all they ignore you and they don't want to listen to you it makes you feel bad and if something is wrong with you you start to wonder if they're lying in bed you think they've got to get angry all night and you might start feeling really bad about whatever you've done even though you've done nothing wrong instead of giving in to them and constantly apologizing they really should be the one to apologize to you you would sit down on the bed in this case and tell them you're busy at work which is why you couldn't respond let them know that you'd still love to watch it if they don't change their mood instantly and continue to throw themselves a pity party just walk away they are in search of an emotional response they want to know you've been controlled successfully don't give this up they need to reflect and realize that they themselves were the only person responsible for the bad mood if they were legally worried about evolving with you they would understand that you couldn't respond and speak to you about their feelings the silent treatment is a deceptive technique to make you feel guilty so you're going to be put under their influence in this case take control of your evening go watch a movie alone and let them be furious conclusion how to use dark persuasion personally persuasion is defined has the intentional process of influencing others by providing information creating a campaign or visual stimulant designed to change their minds and feelings or by subtle coercion the manipulation is subliminal in some situations and it really has to be in order to be fully successful in persuasion people can try to convince other individuals to be right or to know the best way to accomplish a mission but convincing others even with the help of evidence experience and knowledge can lead to disagreements and resentment the key to persuasion is to be able to persuade someone to use the arguments information or images that the person is trying to do the persuasive presented with the agreement method is one of persuasion dark covert or otherwise this technique is at the very heart of psychological persuasion studies and is a good starting exercise to make a habit for those new to the art of persuasion essentially once the target has been established the goal has been set and a plan has been put in place the next course of action for somebody trying to persuade others is to agree with every word that comes out of their mouth even if getting them on your side is counterintuitive consenting to people builds confidence a critical element of successful persuasion for those who want to start practicing this method the most important rule is that the target is always correct they're right even if you know they're wrong it may sound complex but essentially what this means is that when you try to convince someone of something and they disagree with you or say something wrong instead of challenging them or calling them out and asking them what's true or what you want them to believe you can find a way to change their way of thinking first by agreeing with them and then using other subtle persuasions the person who disagrees with the persuader or says something that opposes the ultimate goal of the plan of persuasion is a clear sign that the methods of persuasion used up to now have not been successful and may need to change the plan having a mental toolbox filled with tactics of persuasion is good even crucial for those who use it or want to begin to practice it in their own lives for those who practice persuasive behavior technological developments are a particular interest the main reasons for this is that we are still surrounded by software bought for personal or professional use from cell phones in everybody's pockets or bags to wall to wall television in virtually every restaurant waiting for an area or other space where people gather to spend time together or alone this is also one of the reasons why the advertising industry is such a popular destination for those who know they have a convincing talent everything travels faster when it comes to sharing photos pictures or news clips than a funny commercial or celebrity endorsements shared on social media or sent as a private message to share with friends and family technology has opened the door to convince and all kinds of predators and made it easier for them to broaden their target audiences and general hunting grounds the good news for potential victims is that to be prey on a larger collection of people means to win a more diverse and contradictory collection of people this means persuasive people are faced with new challenges not in actually reaching people as this has become one of the easiest parts of any dark psychological control method thanks to constant internet access and mobile technology but in fact winning people over has one campaign or argument may not connect with others one of the most common covert persuasion techniques used in both personal and professional circles is the big picture concept regardless of the situation the specifics or the ultimate goal understanding how the goal not only remembers their past experiences but also foresees their future the tactic is especially effective for those who have a target on the negative side of their argument and need to be persuaded to gain support or a close sale on the positive side people are more likely to be open to persuasion and consider other information or behaviors as helpful if they believe they are understood by the person they are speaking to and treat it as an entity rather than a target social skills communication skills compassion and the ability to translate words and actions has the emotional responses of a person are all other basic human interaction skills that are useful to learn when trying to persuade others listen to the person's experience and background with the subject you're trying to persuade then to empathize and find some common ground to win their confidence and make a personal connection also ask them where they are standing and why they feel so about your subject before attempting any persuasion tactics this is a way to create a baseline or a starting point to simplify building an effective plan of persuasion ask them how they see the situation or argument wrapping up once their position has been established it helps you to know which potential future they are considering and how their ideal situation will end now that you have an understanding of their past and their vision of the future as it relates to your topic you can choose which tactics of more sophisticated subtle or darker persuasion will help you achieve your ultimate goals and solve the situation with the future you have hoped for pro tip use the past to influence the future actions or decisions of an individual the best example of this tip in action comes from the world of sporting events and competition some sporting events are split into two halves or have some combination of multiple sections which teams or individuals need to perform successfully in order to be declared the winner and defeat their rivals or rival teams when a challenge's first half or first part doesn't go well it doesn't automatically mean the entire game is lost it's easy to get frustrated when things don't go as expected or in somebody doesn't perform has they wanted particularly if they've been practicing for a while this is when coaches had the opportunity to exercise their persuasive abilities before the rest of the challenge or competition has a way to reignite a passion or drive for the sport of their disenchanted competitors a common argument for this is that failure to perform well at the beginning should only serve as more motivation to improve one's strength and focus on the rest of the challenge more intensively a renewed drive in renewed energy levels from stretching out sore muscles rehydration or consuming some protein or other fuel can make all the difference in someone's performance and depend on how far behind the person or team is can be the determining factor in how to close the gap and then out to their competitors in order to win the award or game where there is more than one potential outcome for the person to be persuaded either by making a decision on a purchase another person or a course of action and both of them are equally beneficial to themselves or to the persuader depending on their motives and intention one technique on which persuasive experience depends is to move the target's attention between options so that they do not support it even if there is no damage for the person irrespective of the decision they make people tend to feel a sense of loss and regret that they may start questioning the decision they made and how they came to it this is good for people who become self-conscious and see that they have been targets of a convincing strategy or project but not suitable for those who practice and develop their methods of persuasion this has been dark psychology secrets defend yourself from brainwashing mind games dark persuasion deception hypnotism and undetected mind control learn techniques of emotional influence and intelligence written by jake smith narrated by steven justice copyright 2019 by jake smith production copyright by jake smith manipulation and nlp techniques learn the art of persuasion influence and deception understand emotional intelligence social influence hypnosis and seduction techniques by jake smith narrated by jason speier introduction this book is an introduction in a short form to the concept known as neuro-linguistic programming nrp is the science and art of excellence based on the study of how top individuals achieve exceptional results in different areas to enhance their personal and professional efficiency anyone can learn these communication skills this book discusses many of the excellent models of interaction business education and rehabilitation of nlp the strategy is practical results are achieved and it is increasingly influential in many fields around the globe nlp continues to grow and create fresh thoughts on the other hand we the writers know that books are static and fixed each book is a statement when it is written it is the snapshots of the subject but just because a man will be different tomorrow is no reason not to take a photo today think of this book as a leap stone allowing you to discover fresh ground and go on an exciting journey throughout your life it reflects the writer's own knowledge of nlp and is not a formal or final version a version like that will never exist and by the very nature of the nlp this is an overview and i have made many decisions on what to include and what to drop out the result is one of many ways to arrange the content an lp is a model of how people create their unique experiences of life it's just one way of thinking about and organizing the fantastic and beautiful complexity of human thought and communication we are confident that this description of the nlp will have a profound dimension in the wonderland of neuro-linguistic programming and we hope it will help spur you into a fantastic and notable lifestyle the depth is viewed by focusing both eyes on an object the world is flat when viewed with one eye alone nlp is an attitude of mind and a way of being in the world that cannot be properly passed on in a novel even if some sense of it comes from reading things listening to it enjoys a fantastic piece of music not looking at the score nlp is straightforward it is a set of models skills and methods that make it possible for the world to think and act effectively the aim of the nlp is to be helpful increase choice and improve the quality of life the most important questions you need to ask about this book are is it helpful does it work is it feasible find out what is helpful and what works by trying it out and trying it out more importantly figure out why when and where it doesn't work and adjust it until it works that's the spirit of programming in neuro linguistics our goal in writing this book is to meet the need that we felt when talking to the growing number of people interested in nlp it would share our enthusiasm for ideas about how people think and the possible changes it would contain many of the most useful skills patterns and methods in a way that makes them easily accessible for use as tools for change in a changing world it would still be useful after first reading as a reference book it would provide practical advice when purchasing other nlp books to pursue specific interests and applications and it would give advice in selecting nlp training classes the objective was so daunting given the elusive obviousness of the nlp that none of us was prepared to tackle it on our own it has given us the confidence to pool our resources how successful we have been able to convince you with nlp depends on how helpful this book is to you this book is an introduction to the field called neuro-linguistic programming or nlp nlp is the art and science of performance originating from the research of how top individuals in different fields produce outstanding results anyone can develop these interpersonal skills to improve their personal and professional effectiveness the book describes many of nlp's models of success in interaction industry education and therapy the approach is practical it achieves results and in many disciplines around the world it is increasingly influential nlp keeps growing and generating new ideas the author knows that books on the other hand are static and fixed each book is a statement about when it was written it's the subject snapshot but just because tomorrow a person is going to be different is no reason not to take a photo today think of this book as a step stone allowing you to explore new spheres of influence and continue an exciting journey throughout your life it represents the personal understanding of nlp by the author and is not a formal or definitive version such a version by the very definition of the nlp will never exist this is an introduction and we made a lot of decisions about what to include and what to leave out the result is one of many ways the book can be organized nlp is a model of how people modify their unique life experiences it's just one way to think about human nature and organized communications in a fantastic and beautiful nature we hope that this nlp definition will have a depth aspect with two of us writing which would not be the case if only one writer existed by concentrating both eyes on an object depth can be perceived when seen with one eye alone the world might seem flat nlp is like a state of mind and a way of being in the world that cannot be passed on sufficiently in a novel although some understanding of it will come from reading between the lines a good piece of music is appreciated by listening to it not by looking at the score the nlp is handy it is a set of skills models and techniques that allow the world to think and act effectively nlp's aim is to be useful increase selection and improve the quality of life the most important questions you have to ask about this book are is it useful does it work when you try it out find out what is helpful and what fails most specifically figure out where it's not working and adjust it until it's finished that's nlp's spirit our purpose in writing this book is to fulfill the need we perceived in conversing with the growing number of people interested in nlp we set out to write a book to give a field overview it would express our passion for the perspectives on how people think and the possible changes in a way that makes them easily available for use as resources for change in a changing world it would cover many of the most useful skills patterns and techniques it would still be useful as a reference book after a first reading it would provide realistic advice to pursue specific interests and needs when purchasing certain nlp books and in selecting nlp training courses it would offer guidance despite nlp's elusive obviousness this goal was so overwhelming that none of us was prepared to tackle it on our own it gave us the confidence to pool our resources how far we've been good depends on how important this book is to you in general we would like to inspire you to explore further in the nlp sector and use these powerful ideas with integrity and respect for yourself and others to build more flexibility and fulfillment in your personal and professional life as well as in others lives we originally planned a section of stories about how people were using it to explore nlp and their experiences we soon concluded that this would not work the experience of second hand has a quality for entertainment but little direct impact alternatively we encourage you to create your own chapter of exciting adventures with nlp in the spirit of nlp it would be nice to get the edge on life and find a way to gain control over your emotions and out of control attitudes in a way that was easy fun and quickly yielded results is it a desirable thought neuro language programming has proved to be a way to do just that it's pain free drug free and for the performance you see it takes very little effort unlike many quasi-therapeutic methods psychologists developed nlp which had a firm grasp of the importance of the technique of behavior modification they simply developed a way to take it a step further and integrate the subconscious mind's help in pushing towards the adjustments needed to increase results speed the book will tell you precisely what you need to do to identify the individual issues you need to fix and provide you with the necessary steps and processes to implement the change you need the best part is that you can do everything you need to reprogram yourself it will put you back in the driver's seat feeling comfortable again neuro language programming can help eliminate bad behaviors such as procrastination cut the dependency chains improve mood and emotional balance in general stop the rides of the emotional roller coaster note the warning signs and psychological signals that contribute to behavioral problems it only takes an open mind a few minutes of spare time and a commitment to change it doesn't have to cost a fortune in finding a solution to the problems caused by bad behavior and lack of emotional control in general we would like to urge you to further explore the nlp sector and use these strong thoughts with integrity and respect for yourself and others to build more flexibility and fulfillment in your private and professional life as well as in the lives of others it would be nice to get the edge on life and find a way to gain control over your feelings and out of control behaviors in a way that was simple pleasant and yielded results quickly is this a good idea neuro-language programming has proved to be a way of doing just that it's pain-free drug-free and it takes very little effort to find out what you see psychologists who created nlp had a strong understanding of the meaning of the behavior modification method unlike many quasi-therapeutic techniques they simply developed a way to take it a step further and integrate the assistance of the subconscious mind in moving towards the changes needed to boost the velocity of the results control is a contentious subject that different people approach in a variety of ways for most people it needs the ability to control their life and environment when an individual feels like he is in command of a situation he becomes less likely to experience feelings like panic and fear these days a brief journey through tv shows how many people feel out of control when it comes to behavioral and emotional issues there are full reality shows dedicated to people with all kinds of addictions to chemical and alcohol and serial cheating hoarding and behavioral issues there are also movies that try to combat serious emotional control problems with setter such as anger management by adam sandler there is obviously an injustice in society and a need for redemption as so many people are out of control and do not know how to cope with this state of affairs the problem is that for millions of people these problems cause a lot of suffering it can result to divorce depression and even suicide if a person is not in full control of his or her life it's almost impossible to always be in command at all times but even an 80 level of mental and behavioral control would seem like heaven to someone in that particular department who has a serious deficiency there's no greater sense than being coordinated and in full control of everything that's going on in your life this allows one to live in peace when faced with specific difficulties and breathe a sigh of relief however life is not as easy as this sounds and in many instances one can lose control debt and bankruptcy may result from the inability to regulate expenditure not being able to dial down the rage could lead to arguments or combat and legal issues chemical addictions can lead to loss of employment and health problems uncontrolled habits and addictions can have many bad consequences that weigh down your life in ways that you would never know until it's too late there is no question that lack of control over your feelings and actions will make life difficult for you and those around you not only do nervous and anxious people boost stress in themselves but it ramps up the atmosphere of anxiety for anyone around them it's easy to say you don't worry about stuff but putting it into practice isn't always easy in reality it's never simple to make a lifelong habit of worrying about anything and everything imaginable in your life you should give priority to gaining control the problem of gaining control is the how to do so the reason things seem to fall apart is that you may have tried several times but you're not using the right tools and methods this in turn results in a frustrating round and round cycle where a person continues to perform the same action over and over and expect the same outcome consequently gaining control is all about modifying behavior so you can see a marked difference in current conditions neuro-linguistic programming is a form of treatment for behavioral modification that can be done without a psychologist monitoring the procedure there's no way to do it wrong and get hurt if you're just practicing and at worst you're making a wrong move you probably won't see any results it was developed in the 1970s as a theoretical way to see if by installing fresh guidelines in the subconscious mind behavioral therapy could be turned up it proved successful from the start imagine being able to ignore bad habits and lead a calmer and more peaceful life are you willing to jump in and know how nlp can be used let's get things rolling oh wait before we get things rolling a part of this book also focuses on manipulation psychology just in case you'd like to expand knowledge on how you can influence people and get your way people have developed a fascination with the body language of politicians everywhere because everyone knows that sometimes politicians pretend to think in something they don't believe in or assume that they are someone other than who they really are politicians spend a lot of their time ducking running avoiding posing and cheating hiding their emotions and feelings using smoke screens or mirrors or waving to imaginary friends in the crowd but we understand instinctively that contradictory body language signals will eventually triple them so you'll have to enjoy watching them carefully in anticipation of finding them out are you wondering how you can exploit convince or deceive other people to contribute effectively to your cause vote for your political candidate buy your products or use your services if the answer is yes this book is for you the reality is everything you have right now and everything you'll ever have comes from your relationships with others thus deliberately or unconsciously you constantly try to persuade manipulate and deceive other people through your words and deeds the book includes the most extensive techniques of human psychology manipulation persuasion and deception and to help you with your personal goals the aim of this book is to provide the reader with easily accessible methods techniques and exercises as such this book's author has facilitated the creation of a successful mind control mastery book that offers a strong working understanding of the basic ideas that are highly practical rather than passive and abstract however efforts were made to make this book as straightforward and easy to read as possible this book will be ideal for anyone who wants to improve their relationship with someone else in order to advance their goals in this book you will also learn the fundamental ideas of human psychology and manipulation persuasion and deceit in some chapters of the book unique manipulation techniques are identified common methods of persuasion are also discussed in certain chapters often listed are detailed methods of deception you'll also learn about multiple apps for mental control especially in sales and marketing negotiation and building reputation your capacity to exploit convince and deceive will be greatly enhanced at the end of the day this will help you get more of what you want and it's a very helpful tool for you to have in your career if you want it to be done once again thank you for buying this book i hope you'll enjoy and appreciate it chapter one understanding the basics of nlp neuro-linguistic programming is a technique of influencing brain behavior the neural part of the sentence by using language the linguistic part and other types of communication to enable an individual to recode how the brain reacts to stimuli that's programming and experience fresh and better behaviors dr richard bandler developed the term neuro-linguistic programming in the 1970s he was recently asked to write the concept of neuro-linguistic programming in the oxford english dictionary it suggests neuro-linguistic programming a model of interpersonal communication that focuses on the connection between successful behavioral patterns and the subjective experiences especially thought patterns that underlie them and a system of alternative therapy based on this that seeks to teach individuals about self-awareness and effective communication and to change their mentality i also instructed the valid to take your emotional baggage as ordered will you need something else a neuro-linguistic programming is like a user's handbook for the brain and taking nlp instruction is like learning how to get fluent in your mind's language so that the ever helpful server that is in your mind keeps working for you nlp is an outstanding study of communication with both you and others it was created through modelling outstanding communicators and therapists who with their customers had outcomes nlp is a collection of instruments and methods but much more it's an attitude and a methodology to know how to accomplish your objectives and attain outcomes nlp is the practice of knowing how individuals organize their thinking sensation language and behavior in order to generate their outcomes nlp offers a methodology for individuals to model excellent performances accomplished in their field by geniuses and leaders a main aspect of nlp is that we form our distinctive inner mental maps of the world as a result of how we filter and perceive data extracted from the environment around us through our five senses let's break the significance of the three phrases fused together neuro each person has set up their own distinctive mental filtering scheme to process the millions of pieces of information absorbed by the senses our world's first mental map consists of inner pictures the sounds and tactile consciousness inner sensations tastes and smells formed by the neurological filtering method the first mental map in the nlp is called first access linguistic the data obtained from the outside world is then assigned private significance by assigning language to the inner pictures sounds and emotions tastes and smells we create our second mental map thus forming conscious consciousness of everyday life the second mental map is called the linguistic map and sometimes referred to as linguistic representation programming the behavioral reaction resulting from neurological filtering procedures and the later language map and neuro-linguistic programming started its existence in the early 1970s when an associate professor from the university of california santa cruz and john grinder teamed up with richard bandler an undergraduate student at the time both people were fascinated by human excellence which paved the way for them to model chosen geniuses behavioral patterns modeling is the core activity in the nlp and is the process of removing and replicating an individual's language structure and behavioral patterns that are excellent at a given activity by modeling three individuals fritz perls virginia satire and milton erickson grinder and bandless started their nlp quest these geniuses were excellent in the field of treatment as professional agents of change from a view of unconscious excellence all three geniuses pearls satire and eriksen conducted their tricks the geniuses did not present a deliberate description of their behaviour to grinder and bandler the modelers grinder and bangla unconsciously absorbed the genius pattern and then gave a description with little direct knowledge of each of the geniuses specialty and little knowledge of the psychotherapy field as a whole grinder and panda set out over a period of two years with fervent enthusiasm to explain selected portions of the behavior of the geniuses in language-based models they coded the results of their work using transformative grammar patterns as descriptive vocabulary the tacit abilities of the genuses were rendered explicit by nlp modelling grinder and bandler and nlp was born in those early days of the 1970s the business that grinder and bandler kept was a melting pot of inquiring minds seeking research into human behavior professor john grinder was an associate professor at the university of california santa cruz and richard pandler was just a fourth year undergraduate student at that time gregory bateson the world-renowned anthropologist entered the faculty at kresge college and this was the interest of bateson in the co-operation of grinder and bandler that he brought to milton erickson baton provided support of feedback and his enthusiasm is partly captured in his introduction to the book the structure of magic in which he states that john grinder and richard bandler did something similar to what my colleagues and i tried 15 years ago in 1975 grinder and bandler presented to the world the first two nlp models in the volumes structure of magic one and two communication behavior and change related people in areas sought to know how they too could achieve incredible outcomes when working on change grinder and bandler volunteered to offer training classes in their model implementation the training classes undertaken by bandler and grinder showed that the nlp models could be transferred to others meaning that the learners could effectively use the nlp models in their own job in order to make it simpler for individuals to alter their ideas and behavior nlp utilizes perceptual cognitive and communication methods nlp depends on language processing which should not be confused with the processing of natural languages sharing the same acronym richard bandler and john grinder invented nlp because they believed it was possible to identify and teach others the dynamics of effective individuals ideas and behaviors the different definitions of the nlp make it hard to classify it is based on the concept that people work through the inner maps of the world that they learn through sensory experiences nlp helps to identify and change a person's world maps unconscious biases or constraints nlp is not hypnotherapy rather it works by using language consciously to bring about changes in someone's ideas and behaviors of example a central feature of nlp is the belief that an individual is biased towards a sensory system known as the preferred system of representation or p r s to define this tendency counselors can use words phrases such as i see your point may contain a visual prs or i hear your point can signify an auditory prs an nlp physician can understand a person's prs and base their clinical structure around it the structure may include relationship building information gathering and setting goals with them nlp is used as a personal development tool by promoting qualities such as self-reflection confidence and interaction practitioners have applied nlp commercially to achieve job-oriented goals such as increasing efficiency or progressing research more broadly nlp has been implemented as a treatment in psychological disorders such as phobias a depression a widespread anxiety disorders or gad and post-traumatic stress disorder or ptsd nlp is the art and science of professional excellence art because everyone brings their own personality and style to what they do and in words or techniques it can never be described in science because there is a mechanism and procedure for finding trends that are used to produce remarkable results in any area by exceptional individuals this process is called modeling and patterns the skills and techniques are increasingly being used in counseling education and business for more effective communication personal development and accelerated learning have you ever done anything so elegantly and efficiently that your breath was taken away have you ever been delighted with what you did and wondered how you did it nlp teaches you how to recognize and model your own achievements so you can have a few more of those moments it is a way of discovering and unveiling your own creativity a way of making the most of yourself and others nlp is a pragmatic ability that produces the results we really want in the world while at the same time creating value for others in the process it's the analysis of what makes the difference between the outstanding and the average it also leaves behind a trail of highly effective techniques of training and counselling business and therapy used to identify patterns and move them on to others through excellent counsellors they were not concerned with theories they produced successful models of therapy that worked in practice and were taught the three therapists that were modeled were very different personalities but they used surprisingly similar underlying patterns bandler and grinder took these trends adjusted them and created an excellent template for effective communication personal improvement increased learning and of course further enjoyment of life we put their first discoveries on the work of erickson's hypnotherapy in four books published between 1975 and 1977. the structure of magic one and two and patterns one and two nlp literature has since developed at an increasing rate at that time john and richard lived very close to the british anthropologist and writer gregory bateson on social theory and structures bateson himself wrote on many topics biology cybernetics anthropology and psychotherapy he is best known for developing the dual binding theory of schizophrenia he made a substantial contribution to the nlp perhaps it's just now becoming clear how influential he was these initial models the nlp developed two complementary directions the first as a method of finding trends of excellence in any area the third as the effective ways that exceptional people use to think and interact to make it even more efficient these patterns and skills can be used on their own as well as feedback into the modeling system john and richard conducted seminars across america in 1977 that were very popular nlp has grown rapidly to date more than a hundred thousand people in america have been training in some form of nlp in the spring of 1976 john and richard were in a log cabin way up in the hills above santa cruz sharing their experiences and observations together at the end of a 36-hour marathon session they sat down with a bottle of californian red wine and ask themselves what will we call this the result was neuro-linguistic programming a complicated phrase that includes three simple concepts the neuro aspect of the nlp acknowledges the basic idea that all action derives from our vision hearing smell taste the touch and feeling neurological processes we experience the world through our five senses make the information sense and then act upon it our neurology covers not only our invisible thinking processes but also our visible physiological reactions to concepts and events each simply reflects the other on the physical level an inseparable unity is formed by body and mind a human being the linguistic part of the name indicates that we use language to direct and express our thoughts and behavior with others and programming refers to how we can organize our ideas and actions so that outcomes can be achieved nlp deals with the framework of subjective human experience how we arrange what we see and hear and how we edit and interpret the outside world through our senses it also discusses how we explain it in language and how we behave to intentionally and unintendedly achieve results talk about how maps can help us make the world meaningful maps are selective leave out and provide data and are useful for exploring an impact sphere depending on what you see and where you want to go the map you make the map is not the described area we deal with those facets of the planet that concern us and neglect others the universe is always better than our feelings on it the filters that we put on our perceptions define the type of world we live in there's a story about a guy accosting picasso who asked him why he wasn't really drawing anything it seemed confusing to picasso i really don't know what you mean he replied the man created a photograph of his girlfriend look he said like that that's exactly how it looks like my girlfriend it looks suspicious to picasso it's very small isn't it and it's a little flat an artist a lumberjack and a botanist will have very different experiences walking through a wood and they will notice very different stuff if you're looking for excellence around the world you're going to find excellence if you go through the world in search of problems you will find problems or as the arabic saying puts it the presence of a piece of bread depends on whether or not you're hungry very limited views desires and expectations can make the world bad boring and dull the same world can be vibrant and thrilling the distinction is not the environment but the filters which we view it with we have a lot of natural useful and necessary filters for this language is a filter it is a map of our thoughts and experiences another level removed from the real world think about what you mean by the word beauty for a while there's no denying you've got memories and experiences internal images sounds and feelings that make the term meaningful likewise someone else will have distinct memories and experiences and assume this word differently who is the right person each of you within your own reality the word is not the experience it describes yet people will fight and sometimes even die in the belief that the map is the territory the values also serve as barriers allowing us to act in some respects and to consider the detriment of others certain issues nlp provides a way of thinking about ourselves and the world it's a filter itself to use nlp you don't need to change any of your beliefs or values but just be curious and willing to experiment therefore nlp is not scientifically claiming to be real it's a model and it's intended for models to be helpful nlp has some very helpful basic ideas we invite you to act and notice the distinction as if they were true through modifying your filters you will change your world some basic nlp filters are often referred to as behavioral frames these are ways of thinking about how you act the first is an orientation of the outcome rather than a problem this means finding out what you and others want figuring out what resources you have and using them to achieve your goal the problems orientation is often referred to as the blame frame this means analyzing what's wrong in good detail it implies asking questions like why am i having this issue how does it limit me whose fault is that these kinds of issues do not generally lead to any useful place asking them will make you feel worse than you started and will do nothing to solve the problem the second frame is as opposed to why how to ask questions how inquiries give you an idea of the structure of a problem why are questions likely to give you excuses and justifications without doing anything the third frame is feedback versus failure there is no failure there are only results they can be used as suggestions constructive corrections a good chance to learn something you haven't seen failure is simply a way of defining an unexpected outcome using the feedback you receive you can redirect your attempts the feedback is looking at the target failure is a dead end two very similar words but they are two very distinct ways of thinking the fourth element is to take possibilities rather than requirements into consideration again this is a change of focus look at what you can do what options are available instead of the limitations of a situation often the obstacles are less formidable than they appear and finally nlp takes an attitude of curiosity and fascination rather than making assumptions this is a very simple concept with profound implications young children learn tremendously quickly and are curious about all they do they don't know and don't know so they don't worry about looking stupid when they ask after all everybody knew once in a while that the earth was going around the sun that something heavy than air couldn't fly and that running a mile in less than four minutes was physiologically impossible and change is the only constant another useful concept is that we all have or can generate the internal resources we need to achieve our goals you are more likely to be successful if you act as if this were true than if you do the opposite another useful concept is that we all have or are able to generate the internal resources that we need to achieve our goals you're more likely to succeed if you act as if this were true than if you do the opposite learning unlearning and relearning although we can deliberately take in only a very small amount of information the world offers us we notice and respond to much more without being aware of it our conscious mind is very limited and seems to be able to keep track of up to seven factors or bits of data at any point this concept was described by the american psychologist george miller in 1956 in a classic document called the magic number seven plus or minus two these data pieces have no set size they can be anything from driving a vehicle to looking in the rear view mirror one way we learn is by deliberately mastering and combining small parts of behavior into larger and larger chunks making them habitual and unconscious we build patterns so that we can see other issues therefore our consciousness is limited to seven plus or minus two bits of data either from the inner universe of our thoughts or from the outside world or on the other hand our unconsciousness is all the life-giving procedures of our body everything we have learned our previous experiences and everything we may notice at this moment but not the subconscious is a lot wiser than the conscious mind to understand and infinitely complicated universe with a conscious mind that can hold only about seven bits of data at once is clearly ridiculous the concept of conscious and unconscious is centered on this model of how we learn in the nlp when there is awareness in the present moment something is aware as this phrase is right now there's something unconscious in the present moment when there's no consciousness you may have been unaware of the background noises you can hear until you hear this phrase the memory of your first snow site is almost certainly out of conscious perception if you've ever helped a young kid learn how to ride a bike you're going to know how unconscious that ability is in you and the way your last meal is turned into hair and toenails is likely to remain forever unconscious we live in a culture that thinks we're doing most of what we're doing deliberately yet we do some of what we do instinctively and what we do best traditionally it's divided into four phases to learn a skill first of all incompetence is unconscious you just don't know how to do something but you don't even know you don't know for instance you don't know what it's like if you've never driven a car so you're beginning to learn you will quickly discover your limitations you have some classes and you deliberately watch all the tools steer coordinate the clutch and watch the street it takes all your energy you are not yet eligible and you are on the back roads this is the stage of incompetence when grinding gears over steering and giving cyclists heart attacks although this phase is uncomfortable especially for cyclists it is the phase where you learn the most this brings you to the consciousness of competence it's possible that you are able to drive a car but it takes all your attention you have learned the ability but you have not yet mastered it finally the goal of the endeavor is unconscious competence all the little patterns that you have learned to mix so painfully into one unit of fluid behavior then you can listen to the radio enjoy the countryside and have a discussion at the same time your conscious mind lays down the outcome and encourages your unconscious mind to carry it out opening your attention to other things when you exercise anything long enough you will attain this fourth stage and form activities the ability at this stage has become unconscious however the attribution habits may not be the most efficient our filters may have led us to miss some important information on the path to unconscious ability suppose you're playing a tennis match and you want to get better the coach would probably watch you perform then change things like your footwork how you hold the racket and how you get the racket through the atmosphere in other words he would take what was a piece of behavior for you hitting a forehand drive to break it down into some of its elements components and then rebuild it so that you would achieve a stronger forehand drive through the teaching phases you would go back to conscious incompetence and you would be unlearning before relearning the only reason to do this is to create more efficient fresh decision patterns the same thing happens when researching nlp we already have the communication and learning ability nlp gives you the ability to refine your skills and give you more choice and flexibility the four stages of training one incompetence unconscious two aware of incompetence three aware of competence for competency is subconscious one way of thinking about progress in service personal development and education as a path from a current state to a desired state the difference between the two is a problem in a sense by setting out an outcome in the future you have created a problem in the present and vice versa any issue in the present can be transformed into an outcome your actions ideas and emotions will be different in the present state and in the desired state to switch from one to the other you need money motivation is the trip's fuel the required state must be something we really want or of course connected to something we really want they also need to be committed to the outcome reservations often mean that environmental concerns have not been completely taken into account in short we need to build the trip and think the target is achievable and worthwhile skills strategies and resourceful states of mind are the means to achieve the goal it may include our metabolism nutrition endurance and resilience the capacity of the nlp is a powerful way to overcome obstacles opposition and interference communication is a term that covers almost all communication with others informal conversation persuasion reading and negotiation what does contact mean the word is a fix now but it is a sequence or loop that involves at least two individuals you can't communicate with a waxwork dummy what you're doing doesn't make sense it doesn't give you an answer when you communicate with another person you interpret their reaction and respond with your own ideas and emotions what you see and hear from your internal reactions determines your continued behavior only by paying attention to the other person you have any concept of what to say or do next your partner will react to your behavior in the same way you interact with your sentences the strength of your speech and your body postures movements expressions you can't interact without it even if you don't say anything and keep quiet some message will be passed on therefore contact requires a message that goes from person to person how do you know that the message you send is the message you receive you've probably had the experience of making a neutral comment to someone and being surprised at the meaning they are reading into it how can you be certain that the meaning that you intend to portray is the meaning that you get an exciting exercise is being used in nlp training courses for example you choose a simple phrase today is a good day with which you want to express three basic emotional messages you may choose to say that happily threateningly and sarcastically in the three ways you tell another person your word without telling her the three messages that you want to send she then tells you about the emotional messages she actually received from your word sometimes what you meant corresponds with what is interpreted it's not frequent you can then analyze what your tone and body language should do differently to ensure the messages you're receiving are the same as the messages you're sending our communication skills are constantly used to affect individuals the ability to influence and communicate requires all treatment leadership and education there is an irony that while no one would be interested in learning abilities that are not effective efficient abilities can be denigrated and classified as exploitation manipulation has an adverse connotation that you force an individual to do something and contrary to their long-term interests in the case of nlp it is not so you don't need to coerce anyone to use nlp nlp is neutral very soon we will discuss about manipulation techniques in another section of the book chapter 2 nlp as an art and its emotional and psychological working methods neuro-linguistic programming aims at setting realistic targets and meeting them within a timeline you can follow there is no excuse not to try progress every day because it takes only a few minutes a day it can be done at home more at the workplace thereby having a schedule that is easy to maintain when you make a very small change to check the list of convictions you've established and see if there's any that you haven't solved yet it may be as easy as restricting conviction that the first time you have not gone through it all you'll have to do is follow the cycle to gradually turn it into a better belief to give your journey a true direction you need to sit down and write a list of goals the ultimate goal of the nlp is called the outcome what are the behaviors that you want to change or the social rules that you want to set up how do you think it's different and better in your life a lot of unnecessary steps will be saved it will help you focus your energies on what really matters when you try to alter detrimental behaviors you spend a lot of time discovering which feelings contribute to the habit that many individuals who smoke battle is not just a physical addiction it suggests that quitting smoking would be the desired outcome but it will entail the first gripping of elevated anxiety and pressure concentrations how do you balance your convictions with the outcome you need you don't have to question your ability to reach your target if you see any stumbling blocks try taking care of them as quickly as possible you may need to receive therapy and recovery support if you are battling depression if you are trying to fight an addiction it may take a brief inpatient counselling to begin you always have to make sure that you do things safely and use common sense give yourself every chance to succeed using the authority for visualization is an easy way to make sure you have everything you need on the list here you start by picturing the final outcome of what you want to achieve and the joy you'll feel once it's done the next thing you need to do is think of all the steps you need to take to achieve this end result through reviewing these steps you will be able to produce a list of duties that need to be performed it only makes sense to predispose you to lose your temper in certain circumstances if you are dealing with anger management many people call these pet peeves it is necessary to learn how to avoid them as much as possible or at least to restrict their impact in producing your emotional state if you can recognize that you tend to control situations of all kinds you will be much further ahead you may not always have control and you have to practice letting go if you need to gain control over depression you need to see where your mind tends to wander during periods of rest many depressed people worry about things that cannot be monitored is very caught up feeling as if you don't have any authority in a given scenario can lead to severe bouts of depression concentrate on things about a scenario that you can regulate if you have a difficult marriage the day you appreciate spend your time doing things every bit of temporary joy that you can add to your life will make it a bit more bearable for the rest if you're worried read a troubling newspaper you should set aside a journal to take care of all your issues it will encourage your mind to stay less distracted by elevated stress and emotions of anxiety causing disorders let your mind know that you're just going to look at it and worry about things later it will create a state of relaxation and help regulate frequent and serious bouts of anxiety nlp involves reprogramming your brain to achieve your goals this is something new for many individuals but so many motivational speakers are now doing their best to convey this form of success to people as it has been seen to work very well to change behavior and emotions as well as the opinions of many people there are a few steps you can take to successfully master the art of nlp which in turn will help you achieve a lot of things in life these steps are as follows a knowing what you're about to start this is the most important thing to do to succeed in mastering the use of nlp to achieve your lifelong goals nlp is not a simple method of learning and so many people were unable to control their minds or vocabulary in order to do even the simplest things in their lives nlp will include you not only in resolving these two factors but also in reevaluating our whole selves in order to alter things that have held you down and for instance they keep you from achieving success to learn and improve your beliefs and practices you need your entire life so don't be in a rush to get excellent results in a short time b take time to learn about nlp most people talk about nlp but they don't understand the details to order to achieve outstanding results with nlp you have to know the technique very well there's a lot of media data on nlp for example some are valid and the rest are not accurate search for your own truth and see to it that you know what it is all about understand the nlp's activities in most cases in life we define a problem we face and then seek a solution to it immediately for example by taking pills a migraine is treated nlp is quite distinct it defines the problems and understands that the problems were caused by something you fed into your brain instead nlp helps you to realize that you have the ability to cure your problems then it gives you strategies to solve these problems when you know how this works it will be very easy to apply nlp to accomplish your life goals and solve most of the issues you face every day c understand that there are more than one ways to master nlp just like the human mind nlp is open and there are plenty of opportunities to do with nlp what you want nlp is an important tool that you can use to accomplish many things in life there is an ability to overcome fear for example as well as an ability to overcome adverse feelings if you want to obsess with something useful in life like working out there's a talent for that it's all about neuro-linguistic programming just recognize and use your preference to create better things in your life d try as much as you like there's no particular way to use nlp to achieve the goals of your life experimenting in different ways will ultimately help you focus on yourself and try your best to get deeper into your emotions and ideas if you want to achieve beneficial results with nlp what you should do is challenge your inner views and your perception of things and the globe as a whole be ready to find out a lot of stuff you haven't heard before and that could be a little frightening nevertheless doing so is necessary for the mastering of nlp he understand experiences in your own way there will be many discoveries that you will understand in your search of self-discovery using nlp and since there is no instruction in this capacity you will have to come up with your understanding of things and identify your own goals in life this will come after you use nlp to master the limiting factors f do not restrict yourself in fact there is no limit when it comes to what the human mind can accomplish therefore you should not limit yourself either why do you want to restrict yourself if your mind will help you do so many things in life those phobias won't have to be dealt with anymore when using nlp you can easily overcome them set the sky as your limit and make as much as possible for better days in life g enjoy it if you don't like to change your belief patterns you might not do much through nlp so you've got to enjoy it having fun trying to overcome your addictions fears obsessions and other things that will ultimately help you achieve better results you can do so much to overcome these limiting factors and that's how easy it is to restore order to your lives note that the way you feel about nlp is exactly how you should feel when you face all these restricting factors try not to follow a certain itinerary define your own itinerary have as much fun as you can and see how lovely it would feel when individuals are physically and mentally at an all-time low we often claim it to be in a bad state we also recognize that to make the most of a task we need to be in the right mindset very literally these are all the thoughts emotions and physiology which we articulated at the time the mental images sounds feelings and all the physical posture and breathing patterns mind and body are completely linked and our emotions instantly and vice versa affect our physiology state of mind is constantly shifting and one of the few things we can rely on if you change country the entire world out there is also shifting generally we are more aware of our emotional state than our breathing patterns physiology posture gesture in reality emotions are often considered beyond conscious control they are the visible tip of the iceberg we don't see the entire psychology and thought system sitting below and encouraging the emotions these are the submerged nine-tenths of the iceberg trying to influence the emotions without altering state is as pointless as trying to make the iceberg vanish by staring at the top off more will just surface unless you spend too much energy holding it underwater and that's often what we do with drugs or willpower the mind leads us and with obedience the body follows usual emotions can thus be stamped on a person's face and posture because the person does not notice how his or her physiology is shaped by the emotions try to experiment with it take a moment to think about an enjoyable experience a time when you felt really good think back to that experience if you've been thinking about one and spend as much as you can to experience it a minute or two look around you see what you see and hear as you relive this memory as you enjoy these pleasant feelings recall how you felt when you're prepared go back to the present notice how your current state is affected by this especially your posture and breathing past experiences don't go away forever they can help you feel better in the present even though the past sights and sounds are gone the actual feeling is as real and tangible as it was when we reconstruct them mentally so just put yourself in a more resourceful state or whatever you felt before you heard this paragraph today on the other hand think back to a somewhat painful past experience if one comes to mind imagine yourself in it again back in that situation what do you see what are you hearing note how you feel return to the present and see how this has affected you and do not stay very long with this experience and compare your feelings after this experience with how you felt after the previous experience note also the unique style of breathing and posture now change your emotional state perform some kind of physical activity move your body to something completely different and turn your attention from memory to something look out of the window and jump up and down and sprint across the hall hit the wall or bend and touch your feet look at the physical sensations of the action and what you experience here and now this is known as altering or breaking state in terms of the nlp and is worth doing if you feel pessimistic or unresourceful once you recall unpleasant memories and unresourceful access environments the entire body takes on and retains such adverse conditions as muscle tone posture and breathing patterns such physically stored memories can contaminate your future experiences for minutes or hours we all know what it's like to get out of bed on the wrong side people with depression have unconsciously mastered the ability to maintain unresourceful state for long periods of time others mastered the ability to change their emotional state and will creating for themselves a mental freedom that transforms their quality of life they feel the emotional ups and downs of life completely however they know step on and do not dwell on emotional pain unnecessarily as we go through life we constantly move through different emotional states sometimes faster sometimes more gradually for example you might feel pretty tiny and a friend is calling you with some nice news it makes your spirits lighter or maybe it's a bright sunny day and you're opening your mail to discover an unexpectedly large bill the mines clouds can cover a moon we can affect our states instead of simply reacting to what is happening outside in the last few minutes you felt nice then awkward again but that's how you feel now and nothing has actually happened in the outside world you've done it all yourself elicitation elicitation is the term used in nlp to define how someone is guided into a specific state under a distinct label this is an everyday skill because we are all highly trained in placing individuals into distinct moods or bringing them out of a mood with our words tonality and gestures we do it all the time but we don't elicit what we want sometimes how many times did you hear a sentence like what's happening with him i didn't say anything much the easiest way to revoke an emotional state is to ask the individual to remember when he experienced that emotion in the past the more expressive you are the more expressive you are going to be you are more likely to get it if your voice tone words facial expressions and body posture match the response you are asking for all your efforts are coming to fruition if you're attempting to put somebody in a quiet resourceful state it's pointless to talking a loud quick voice tone breathe rapidly and shallowly and make loads of fidgety movements the other person will become more anxious despite your soothing words you've got to do what you're saying so if you want to lead somebody into a state of confidence you ask him to remember a certain time when he was confident you speak clearly breathe evenly with your head up and your posture upright in a confident tone of voice you are acting with confidence if your words do not match your body language and voice tone the non-verbal message will tend to follow it is also important for the person to remember the experience as if it were inside not watching from the outside to dissociate it the association in the situation will more fully bring back the feelings imagine eating your favorite fruit eating someone else now imagine eating the fruit for yourself what's the most delicious experience put yourself back as fully and as vividly as possible in the experience to elicit your own statements calibration calibration is the nlp word for recognizing when people present in different states this is a skill we all have and use in our daily lives and one worth developing and improving subtly different expressions are distinguished as others experience different memories in different states for example when someone recalls a scary experience his lips may become thinner his skin pale and his breathing shallower while his lips are more likely to be fuller when he remembers a pleasurable experience the skin color is more flushed and breathing deeper with facial muscle softening often our calibration is so poor that when he starts crying is when we only notice someone is upset we rely too much on people verbally telling us how they feel rather than using our eyes and ears we don't want to calibrate to know that a person is angry from a punch on the nose nor do we want to hallucinate all kinds of possibilities from an eyebrow twitch there's an exercise you might want to try with a friend in nlp training ask your friend to think about a person he loves a lot notice his eye position and head angle as he does this note his breathing as well is it deep or shallow quick or slow high or low notice also the variations in the shape of the facial muscle skin color lip size and voice tone pay attention to these usually neglected subtle indications they are the internal thoughts outward manifestation they are the physical dimensions thoughts now ask your friend or someone he dislikes to think about notice the distinction in the indications ask your friend to think about one then the other until you are sure you can detect some physiological variations in nlp terms these two states of mind have now been calibrated you understand what it looks like ask your buddy for one of the individuals to imagine but without telling you which one by reading the physical indications that you have already recognized you will understand which one it is it seems like you're reading their mind so we can perfect our abilities mostly we unconsciously calibrate for example if you asked a loved one if he or she wants to go out for a meal you will immediately know intuitively before they open their mouths what the answer is the yes or no is the very last step in the process of thinking we can't help but respond so deeply to the three connected with the body mind and language you may have had the experience of talking to somebody and getting the intuition that he or she was lying about you had probably unconsciously calibrated this and without knowing why you got the feeling the more calibration you practice the better it will be there will be some slight differences between some states some unmistakable subtle changes will become easier to detect as you practice them the changes were there at all times no matter how small you'll detect them as your senses become sharper faster and better chapter 3 nlp anchors our emotional states impact our thoughts and actions strongly and omnipresently how can we use them in the present to become more resourceful after these states have been produced and calibrated we need some way of making them continually accessible and stabilizing them in the here and now imagine the effect of turning on your life at will on your high performance states at present top performers need to be able to be resourceful in government athletics crafts and industries the actor must be prepared to commit to the role when the curtain comes up not an hour before or halfway through the second act this is the main point of professionalism the ability to switch off is equally important the actor must be ready to drop his role when the curtain falls many individuals in the company are extremely driven doing excellent things yet burning out and becoming dissatisfied losing their family life or in extreme cases suffering from a coronary in order to manage our nations we need balance and wisdom we each have a rich personal history in different emotional states to re-experience them we need a trigger some association in the present to elicit the initial experience of course our minds connect experiences that's how we make sense of what we're doing sometimes these associations are very enjoyable for example a favorite piece of music that carries a pleasant memory back each time you hear that particular melody it evokes those fun emotions and every time it does that it reinforces the relation the anchor in nrp is called a stimulus to which a physiological state is related and induces some examples of naturally occurring beneficial anchors would be favorite objects evocative tastes or a loved one's distinctive speech or voice tone the anchors are usually external there is a ringing alarm clock and it's time to get up the bell of the class signals the start of the short break these are anchors that are visible or warm a red light indicates a stop a nod to the head implies yes these are the visual anchors and the scent of freshly laid tar could bring you back into a scene of your childhood where you first smelt it advertisers are trying to create a connection for their brand name for a particular product the anchor is anything that gets into a state of emotion and it's so natural and normal that we hardly recognize it how are you going to create anchors one of two forms is there first and foremost by repeating if you see frequent cases of red correlated with risk it will get anchored learning is easy red is risky or dangerous additionally and more importantly if the emotion is high and the timing is right in one example anchors can be set repetition only takes place if there is no emotional involvement think back to when you were at college it's a strong anchor in itself and find it easy to know something exciting and interesting you needed a lot of information that you didn't care for the less emotionally engaged you are the more the group needs to know about the repetitions most associations are extremely helpful they shape habits and we couldn't work without them you already have a link if you are a rider between a green light turning to red and putting your feet on the pedals in some way this is not an activity you want to have to think intensely about every moment and if you don't establish the link you are unlikely to survive long on the highways certain interactions while beneficial may be less friendly in your rearview driving mirror the site of a police car is likely to start questioning you about the state of your vehicle and the speed you're moving at there are no other beneficial connections most people associate anxiety or moderate parts of panic with public speaking this makes many people feel nervous and unsure to think about a test it is important to use terms as anchors the word exam is an obstacle for most school kids to feel nervous and unable to do their best in extreme cases an external stimulus may induce a very strong adverse condition this is the world of the phobia for example people with claustrophobia have discovered and always establish a link between being in a confined space and experiencing panic most people's lives are disproportionately limited by concerns that their past history has not yet reevaluated stop making connections that's difficult for our brains have you developed and generated fun helpful and empowering people we can choose the relations we want to make you can take any life experiences you find most daunting or unpleasant and determine in advance in which physiological state you want to be in to fulfill them by using anchors for any situation you are unhappy with you can create a new connection and thus a new answer this occurs in two phases next choose your ideal emotional state then combine it with stimulus or anchor to recall it whenever you want sports men use happy mascots to harness their ability and stamina you will often see athletes going through basic ritual gestures that serve the same purpose one of the most effective ways to alter your own and other people's behavior is to use anchors to use your resourceful states if you're more resourceful than you've been in the past your attitude will change for the better resourceful states are the secret to optimum outcomes if you change what you do other people's behavior will also change the whole experience of your situation will be distinct after a while the signal itself will become a resourceful anchor for you if you continue to use the anchor the trigger that made you feel bad now is one that makes you feel powerful and resourceful following is a summary of the basic steps of the process anchors must be timed as the state reaches its peak unique and distinctive easy to repeat accurately linked to a clean and fully re-experienced state one identify where you would like to be more resourceful to identify your desired resource for example trust three inject the resource by saying if i could have this resource here will i actually take it or need it if so go ahead if not return to two four find a chance in your career if you had that tool five select the anchors to be used in each of the three primary representation schemes you see hear and feel something six step into another place and completely put yourself back in your imagination in the experience of that resourceful state re-experience it when it's finished change the state and get out of it seven re-experience your state and attach the three anchors to the edge keep the state as long as you like and change the state afterwards eight test the relation by shooting the anchors and verifying that you reach the state if you are not happy repeat step seven nine identify a signal that lets you know you're in a difficult position to use your resource with this signal it will remind you to use your anchor these anchors can now be used whenever you want to summon your resource state to discover the best way to work for you remember to experiment with this or any other nlp process keep your result in mind and before you succeed play with the process some people find that simply making their gesture is enough to generate the state of the resource firing their kinesthetic anchor others want to continue using all three anchors you can use this method to anchor different resources some people anchor a distinct resource on each finger many individuals add several distinct resource states to the same anchor in order to generate a very large resource anchor this method is known as stacking resources to provide the same anchor with distinct resources anchoring and using your resourceful states is an ability and as with all skills the better and the more effective you use it many people discover that it works drastically the very first moment many feel that in order to build their desire to do it they need to exercise as well as their faith that it really makes a difference mind the teaching model if you are new to anchoring congratulations on switching to incompetence awareness from subconscious incompetence enjoy this phase as you gain insight acid anchoring is an emotional decision-making process this culture unlike some assumes that emotional states are involuntary and are caused by external conditions or other people we can get from the universe a blended hand of cards but we can choose how and when to play them experience is not what's going on with you it's what you're doing with what's going on with you all this huxley chaining anchors anchors can be chained to connect one to the other each anchor provides a chain connection and causes the next one just as the electrical impulse flows from nerve to nerve throughout our body in a sense anchors are a mirror on the outside of how we create a new neural pathway in our nervous system between an initial stimulus and a new response cheney anchors helps us to pass through a set of separate states quickly and automatically chaining is particularly useful if the program state is strong and the resource state is too far away to reach in one stage for starters think of a situation where you feel frustrated can you determine the coherent signal that triggers this feeling the tone of voice in your inner dialogue a particular sensation do you see something the universe can often seem to conspire against you but how you react to the plot you may be able to regulate and the sense of frustration is not going to change the outside world decide that condition if you have this in a signal you want to pass on perhaps curiosity and maybe inspiration from there think back to a moment when you were really curious maybe kinesthetically to set up your chain and anchor it with a touch on your hand a break state then imagine yourself back to a moment when you were in a very creative state and anchor that perhaps with a touch on your side at another spot first get back to a frustrating experience and contact your imagination anchor as soon as you get the frustration signal shoot your anchor for curiosity and maximum curiosity sensation this produces a network of neural connections that move easily through excitement from agitation to imagination practice as many times as you want to automatically make the link you have a tremendously powerful counselling and rehabilitation resource once you have distinct emotional states to evoke calibrate and anchor you and your clients can quickly and easily access every emotional state anchoring can be used to help clients make extremely quick changes and can be done in any system visual auditory or kinesthetic collapsing anchors what if you wanted to feel warm and cold at the same time which happens if blue and green are mixed even if at the same time two opposite anchors are fired you feel warm and blue for crash barriers called cold or blue and a desirable state called hot or purple you anchor an unwelcome adverse state and simultaneously fire the anchors after a short period of uncertainty the adverse state is changed and a fresh and a distinct state is formed to break anchors you can use this approach with a friend or user the following is a breakdown of the steps be sure to establish and maintain the relationship one way to think about what is going on is that the nervous system is actively trying to involve two systems that are mutually incompatible it can't do something else so it does something else the ancient pattern is disrupted and fresh patterns are formed it explains the confusion with the fall of the two anchors that often happens anchors enable experience to be gained by deliberately using the natural procedures that we usually use unconsciously we anchor ourselves all the time usually quite haphazardly instead we can be much more selective about the anchors to which we respond future pacing future pacing is named in many nlp approaches to observe a situation in advance you leap into the future with creativity and know in advance how you want it to be with the new resources you have for example the potential speed strategy of changing a personal history is to ask the person the next time to envision a recurrence of the problem situation as he does this you calibrate yourself to see if there is any indication of a slip back into the adverse state if so you agree that more work needs to be done if your strategy and techniques work possible pacing checks it is the closest you can get to the problem scenario however the real test of any change is the next time the person meets the real problem insights and changes can be easily anchored in the psychology consultation space in the school education is focused and the company plans for the boardroom the real world is the real test secondly a form of rehearsing the mind is future pacing in all top performers actors musicians salesmen and sportsmen in particular mental training and exercise is a coherent pattern observed all training programs are designed around this one aspect mental rehearsal is exercise in the imagination and since the body and mind form one system it prepares and makes the body first for the real scenario giving the brain powerful favorable pictures of achievement programs makes believing in those terms more likely expectations are self-fulfilling prophecies such future pacing and cognitive training principles can be used to learn and construct fresh daily habits before going to sleep you might want to take the next steps every night choose something that you did very well as something with which you are not so happy as you evaluate the day watch the two scenes re-hear the sounds feel them again in a similar way then get out of them and tell yourself what else could i have accomplished in these encounters what were the points of choice how could the outstanding experiences improve you may well remember some other mistakes you may have taken in the not so good experience now replay the experiences completely but behave differently what does that look like how does it sound check your feelings this little ritual will build up in decision making you should identify a warning to use another choice that you've already rehearsed mentally in the not so nice experience that will alert you the next time it happens while there are some books that would make you think the best way to influence people is to play with their heads according to the laws of logic this book will teach you how to persuade others by putting yourself in their shoes it's all about empathizing with others and then putting a credible and sound argument in their heads that works well for your benefit that's because the real world's individuals are more likely to respond to what they feel and not to what the reality in their heads says there are many reasons why somebody else might want to deceive confuse or persuade others now the problem is is your ethical way of thinking manipulating deceiving and persuading another person for the answer it really relies on you no one can determine whether what you are doing is ethical or not except you nonetheless there are many social situations where you need to perform specific methods of bribery deceit and persuasion to achieve your goals let's say you're the u.s president and russia is trying to engage you as an illustrative example in the global political arena in a nuclear arms race of course you don't want to start a new world war therefore your target is the russian leader and your purpose or position is to prevent any conflict in the world and to preserve peace in this situation it would be very helpful to use methods of persuasion deception and manipulation to promote your position of world peace and harmony of course your target people are your customers and consumers if you're in the business sector in fact your goal is to get them to buy your products or use your services if you're an environmental lawyer your target people are policy makers lobbyists and the public therefore in protecting the environment your goal is to convince them to support your cause when you look at the topic of mind control closely it is undoubtedly basically a game of persuasion that is practiced every day it would of course be up to you to understand the intention of learning these tricks as machiavelli would say everything becomes a means for a particular purpose nevertheless the art of mind manipulation does not mean that you refuse the use of free will to your goals rather you give them something that they most definitely are searching for a feeling of a positive choice that acts as a guide to their behavior basically the nature of your actions and your set of private beliefs will decide whether or not the methods and techniques you use are ethical note that the main objective of this chapter is to create a specific shift in the mindset of your target person without them being aware of the changes in their thinking if you are an entrepreneur your customers will be your target audience and your goal or aim will be to get them to buy your products or use your services in this regard one of the most successful ways to change the way you think about your customers or your goal is to change your way of talking in other terms to build what you sell and what your customers want you must use the right phrases if you're watching promotional ads on tv or youtube right now you'll know that brief business videos are enticing because they use the terms or lingo to address the specific concerns of their target people therefore there is an emotional sense that only the language used by the product or service manufacturers understands your point of view situation or environment now when you think about how advertisements appear on tv they all offer two kinds of sensation and pleasure and pain essentially they play on the two sensations that have changed mankind's course forever philosophers religious orders and tyrants all experimented with the notion of sensations with a similar belief that everyone would want to do something to experience or avoid pain millenniums later with the same assumption people still behave that's why the art of manipulation and mental control still exists how do you think people prefer a brand of coffee to others the response is pleasure it's still the game of joy against pain some would think that they prefer double shots of espresso to experience that pleasurable feeling of being awake much faster because they are upset with slowness they want to achieve the bitter taste of coffee as fast as they take a sip similar to the latte men though they prefer milk over coffee and they want to experience the caffeine as it is in the form of slow waves of the bloodstream everyone will cater to a different set of people playing to their needs try to tell an espresso addict that he can drink more caffeine in a large glass of latte than three tall cappuccino glasses more often than not this espresso lover will try to switch to latte the next morning because he is more likely to get easily what he wants generating a new behavior this is the most common method to use if you want a fresh or changed attitude for example you may want to improve your favorite sport look at the way you want to act in your mind for example by hitting the right tennis strokes if this is hard look at a role model's actions remove the chair of the director be stephen spielberg in your mind in your inner eye see the scene unfolding live dissociated when you listen and edit the soundtrack you are the star as well as the director notice their reactions to what you're doing when other people are involved direct the scene and edit the soundtrack until you're completely happy then step in and run it as if you're doing it as you do this pay particular attention to both your emotions and how you respond to the individuals around you does this fresh behavior constitute your values and your privacy if it doesn't feel right go back to the director's chair and change the film before going back into it identify an internal or external signal that you can use when you are satisfied with your expected results to trigger this behavior mentally rehearse the signal and go through the fresh action a fresh behavior generator is a simple but effective tool to use in your private and professional development every experience becomes an opportunity for learning the quicker you step to become the person you really want to be the more you do this chapter 4 applying nlp to real life situations application of nlp in developing a healthy lifestyle and reducing anxiety the health and well-being of a person should be the most important elements of his or her life as it determines the quality of life recently if you feel unwell you can use some methods of nlp to drastically improve your health and promote your well-being you must tackle multiple elements of well-being in this scenario such as stress reduction accessing and enhancing healing states reducing anxieties creating and maintaining the perfect weight and so on reducing stress with nlp in order to remain healthy the body will only allow you to experience a little stress but once you experience too much stress it will cause chemicals in the body and interfere with brain function nlp methods will help you cope with stress and let go of the excess stress that is harmful to your well-being and health following are some effective nlp exercises that can be used for stress reduction reframe the stress you will need to find out the reason for the stress most of the time we are aware of our stresses so it should be very simple for you once the cause of stress is determined you will need to find possible solutions to solve the problem without stress for example if you don't have enough cash to run a specific project it's a nice stressor what you need to do is to analyze the problem and find solutions that do not involve stress in any way you can choose to go for loans borrow money from friends for example or just put up with the amount of money you have using meta mantras in this method you use some words to persuade yourself and make things feel better for example if you've been messing up at work and you don't know what will happen when your boss finds out what you've done repeat phrases like so what if you're finding yourself wondering why if you're asking questions it's time to repeat the mantras to create better things in your mind this will help to reduce a lot of stress relaxation and meditation it takes a few minutes in a day to relax during this time close your eyes and let your mind wander talk about how great things would be if we had different scenarios and loved the experience keep your imagination as clear as possible and fantasize unlimitedly in this example relaxation is your primary focus not the solutions to the problems you face once you're completely relaxed the stress will disappear and you'll be ready to face another day concentrate on the present take off your busy schedule to live in the present time for just a few minutes experience the sounds the sights you see and the emotions you feel at the time and try to relax this is a sure way of pushing out the stress this can take just five minutes but it can help bring down the pressure to a manageable level in this moment try not to think of anything else but what you feel and what is happening around you forget about your concerns and stresses and enjoy the present finish your tasks always have a list of things to do when you leave the office the next day or at home you need a notebook for this because you want these things in your mind as well this can be a great way to avoid stresses and reduce stress change your mental picture the pictures you make in your head are very different from those you create when you are depressed under normal circumstances and take note of the images you create while depressed and produce images that can replace them through trying to reduce them as much as possible pushing them back in your mind and removing them entirely you can try to eliminate the pictures that are created when you are anxious the pictures you choose to replace are supposed to be more soothing large vibrant exciting and so many other good things you can imagine will give relief to your mind change the tone of your inner voice there is always an inner voice that speaks to us in different situations of our lives when you're nervous your inner voice will also sound anxious and it can keep you in a tense mood for a moment you have to make it a better sounding voice maybe a funny voice to make you feel much better the modified inner voice will take away your attention and fears and the types of things it will convey to you are quite different from what you are worrying about so choose a better voice close things at the end of the day a major stressor is the belief that you haven't fulfilled all the tasks that you've planned for that day once again at work end the day by checking out your to-do list for that day opening and closing all the drawers just to make sure everything is in order and shutting down the computer make sure that you are aware of all the tasks that you are performing as you close things off so that you will be aware that everything has been done for that day you can take the time to create a list of things to do the following day the worry notebook if you're concerned about something out there you need a worry notebook and make sure you bring it with you everywhere write it down and then come up with options as soon as you consider something that scares you if it is something that can be dealt with at the moment don't push it aside as you may later be stressed if you can't take care of things just take a few minutes in the evening go through the worry pad list and worry about those few minutes this will make worrying anything difficult for you applications of nlp in academia as one considers the purpose of nlp which allows people to understand and regulate their ideas and emotions for beneficial change it becomes apparent why nlp has such an important role to play in education understanding how to use nlp techniques while still being a student can have a very beneficial effect on how you conduct yourself in a company that's because you're using nlp as a student to learn how to read the training happens in three primary training star classifications which are explained as follows a visual learning the student learns the most and responds positively to visual stimuli protests maps photos and reading are included a student who learns visually faces a challenge when it comes to memorizing knowledge and taking notes through a textbook children are more likely to know what they're told if they have pictures in their heads and that they can piece together students who prefer visual learning are the kind that is likely to develop brainstorming sessions with a visual representation of an entire concept visuals are good because they provide a fresh way to see things practice in imagination includes looking into the future and picturing an achieved goal this method is also suitable for visual learning and can be a powerful substitute for restricting views of students b auditory learning in this type of learning the student likes to learn by explaining things to them in detail once you return to interacting with students it is important to be conscious of this concept because it can decide whether you have a leader or a follower in your class training by waiting for clarification is good for learners who need to know and understand step-by-step procedures such learners will remember everything they taught because the scheme fits in with the way they interpret and assimilate information for example if these students are taught using visual aids for any reason they may find it difficult to retain and follow the path to which they are guided by the knowledge a follower should simply use this teaching method in this situation to receive instructions and then obey without a question the explanation for this is that as long as the instructions are correctly followed there can be no harmful or incorrect effects the student would be free from mistakes a leader would have a distinct outcome when using this method of teaching after the terms are mentioned a leader might choose to take possession of these phrases if they were listed in the negative they can be elevated as favorable a student who can make this strategic shift has the ability to redefine and this is a positive outcome when practicing nlp actively c kinetic learning when doing an exercise alone the student can learn the most in this form of learning it refers in addition to taking part in practical aspects of research or other courses in this case the best thing to do is to give a set of instructions to the student and leave them to follow them as best they can while when things don't seem to be done according to schedule one can check the pupil and point them in the right direction students who prefer this kind of autonomous teaching will show brief spans of attention when they have to listen to long lectures or courses people prefer short straightforward presentations of ideas and they have the ability to implement these ideas on their own to students the above mentioned learning style categories are fine nevertheless nlp can also help teachers greatly when taking the time to understand the different learning styles of each student the instructor is then equipped with the tools to follow approaches that have been tried and tested to help the students do well and fulfill all their educational needs the section can also be used to attempt to understand how other individuals such as clients perceive things with this experience it will be much easier to handle them carefully application of nlp in getting rid of fear and other phobias in general there are people living with various fears throughout the globe phobias can be called all-consuming and apparently out-of-control fears there's a certain amount of good fear and then there's fear that will generally stop you from functioning on a daily basis nlp techniques will help you conquer this crippling fear effectively so you never have to experience it again say you've got a phobia of public space you have an excellent mind and you continue to start a business but you can't or because you might have to go out to public places you find yourself stuck in your home unable to go out into the world wondering what to do and feeling a great deal of shame at your failure to get up and go you may not even understand why you have this phobia perhaps you just remember that one day something happened and since then public areas have been a no-go zone for you by using phrases like not right now and i'm going to think about it you may have become a natural deflection to get out of communicating or going to public places the first step to overcoming phobias is to understand nlp's anchors for fear of public places here is a practical example you would start by thinking about how to go to public places with a block you're unmotivated and apprehensive choosing not to be worth it create a vivid mental image of this scenario and feel the associated emotions like your racing heart listen to the sounds like your shallow breathing and anchor it on any aspect of your body or when it's crystal clear the next thing you should do is think of all the frustration or desire that you felt when you didn't fulfill your goals and stack those anchors take the full weight of your position deep into your mind and recall a time when you were able to get everything you wanted recall what you saw how you felt and what you heard paint that moment's wide mental image at the moment when it happened it should feel as real as it did enable the feeling of satisfaction to fully wash over you and then anchor it to another part of your body now fire your first anchor and stuff all the while you've been a barrier for yourself then shoot the second anchor both mentally and then detach the first anchor repeat this process in your mind over and over until you feel encouraged to go out and take action you need to reflect on all the emotions and experiences that you have lost as a result of your phobia rather than focusing on all the negatives this method is relatively time consuming and by using nlp you may be looking for a quick way to solve a phobia so this next method is fast and should help you see almost immediate outcomes the instance is going to be the same as the previous strategy which seeks to overcome fear of the public place if you want to go to public places think about what exactly happens when you experience a phobic reaction or an unpleasant memory first remember in particular a sense of security that you were safe before going out to government locations or coming back from public places imagine sitting in a movie theater and watching yourself on a black and white screen and now that you know that you can be free imagine yourself in control of that image and see yourself in the projection booth and see yourself sitting in the movie theater watch the little film on the monitor your movie must start with a moment before you're afraid of public spaces and you're supposed to play out the experience you've had before you got any fear keep up with this image until you feel completely free when you feel totally secure freeze the film and turn the screen white consider floating out of the screening room then out of the chair and at the end of the film landing run the movie back in full technicolor quickly as if you are in it all the time right back to the beginning when you felt really safe note that the sense of security is all you need to do as you go into the future and you'll find that you are better equipped to handle phobia applications of nlp in business companies around the world have started to adopt nlp approaches because they have tremendous benefits that can push the business to the next level using nlp methods will almost ensure the most fundamental level of revenue increases therefore peer-to-peer communications will greatly improve nlp is just what the entire round of a business needs there are a number of business related aspects to neuro-linguistic programming these include motivation pattern management cognitive change technology conflict resolution training and coaching guidance learning and teaching at some point all these dimensions cope with feelings and once they have been handled these feelings are of great advantage the following section aims to explore how nlp by maximizing its overall efficiency can create a business nlp can make an amazing difference if people apply nlp methods in any sector this is because with a successful nlp practice it is possible to change behavior in such a way that everyone is working towards doing it to start with there are four concepts that can direct any organization interested in succeeding work to achieve results positive use of nlp requires a person to set goals and work towards those goals this refers in general to a business environment once you have an understanding of what your outcome is supposed to be your mind is better prepared to handle the measures to be taken to help you to achieve that outcome the trick is to be mindful of your actions and nlp is successful here being aware can help your company stand out in the business world from a variety of other companies instead of working towards what they want nlp-free businesses might work to avoid what they don't want the problem with working with a negative outlook is that it will still attract a negative outlook in other words negative mindsets will cause negative outcomes nlp places great emphasis on focusing on the outcome and focusing on it it also preaches positivity and shows that even for negative actions there may be positive intentions to order to achieve these outcomes it is necessary that they are expressed in positive terms it ensures they should always be geared towards the bright side instead of tasks that cannot be done to ensure that your expected outcomes are realistic they need to be sensory specifically testable and observable this implies that there should be some evidence to prove that the outcome has been met to be sensory specific means you should be able to express yourself with phrases and feelings when you achieve the result when working towards achieving a result it must be initiated and maintained by one man this person must be in charge of the outcome from the beginning to the end so that the actions can be controlled and changed if appropriate the concept here is that through nlp an individual in the organization can trigger a wave of positive change through their own actions it also allows them to be held accountable for their actions or you get a bonus a reaction has an equal or positive response through practicing nlp to ensure that no damage occurs to you or other people you are mindful of your actions and their possible implications you can also model positive behavior so if people imitate what they see in you you will only have positive feedback reactions understand and be aware of your senses after learning the ability to use nlp you will be able to read other people readily it includes all the non-verbal cues they use when consciously or unconsciously communicating with you as you are more aware of them you must increase your senses changes in skin color blushing or pale are higher or lower breathing rates and there should be visible muscle flexing this skill can become essential when dealing with a client as it makes it easier for the person practicing nlp to determine what kind of impact they have on other people this will help the nlp therapist quit when the other person has achieved their desired outcome for example you're working in the sales department of a busy clothing store a customer walks in and you notice that they have broken a little sweat are a little out of breath and keep looking at their watch even before they start shopping if you've used the nlp methods you may find the client is in a hurry and needs to be quickly served to make sure they make their next appointment therefore it is possible to adjust the amount of service you offer accordingly change your behavior to ensure an outcome it links directly to the first premise and discusses the essence of nlp which is behavioral transformation in a business environment you need to be versatile enough to change gears when you know that the response you expect is not the one you get this can only work effectively if you always have your end goal in mind this is particularly true if you use the modeling authority and have a picture of the steps you need to take to achieve your goal tap your ability as explained in the second principle to measure the response if you obtain the desired result you must continue with your predetermined course of action but you should try to use a different strategy if you don't achieve the desired outcome you can potentially save stress and frustration if you spend time analyzing and monitoring your actions by actually being mindful of the feelings and how you can cope with them take action it requires nlp to be actively involved at this point in making decisions there's no point in taking the time to learn all the nlp techniques if you don't bring your reading to the test the thing is to work to change behavior it's crucial to do things in the present changing and enhancing behavior when needed by being present becomes simpler companies who send their workers to nlp skills training particularly practitioner skills will often focus solely on sending their leadership team on the expectation they would have learned a fresh skill that could then filter down to the rest of the team nlp is not a resource that should be limited to the leadership of a company instead it is a software that should be well versed by everyone in the company to ensure that the corporate objectives are properly achieved employees can use nlp methods to achieve optimum results or interact better with customers the effect is often quite clear when one uses nlp tools to deal with customers or connect internally a percentage increase in consumer purchases or productivity of employees when an employee is trained to learn nlp skills at any point they are greatly motivated which generally leads to their increased production nlp should teach any worker anything that can be done on a mental map to create understand and apply the points mentioned previously highlight the most common business challenges the primary challenge is proper communication and communication encompasses what happens in a company and what happens to customers nlp is important in almost every area of a company and it is beneficial to both employers and employees employees in an organization can use nlp strategies and activities to set clear and concrete goals and achieve them and to build confidence to work and perform better all the time to improve their morale and stay motivated throughout the company to recognize some of the barriers which keep them from achieving their goals in their work management will also use nlp skills in various fields for example building strong and meaningful relationships with other business people employees suppliers customers and anyone else who matters to the business during discussions with a view to improving performance they end up creating the company's best customer service base to take care of all its customers requirements but diversity may be the requirements that customers need when managing company and workers disputes and issues the business and its clients as well as between the business and other businesses nlp skills can help to determine how the organization can build teams that work even better and produce excellent results all the time in general nlp methods can be used to improve business sales using nlp to maximize your sales the goal of every small or big business is to increase sales business people are willing to do almost anything to raise their sales volume as this is what defines how well a business is doing salespeople sales managers business people and entrepreneurs use nlp today to increase their sales volumes even the company that does exceptionally well or a good salesperson will need some tips to help them stay on top of their game when it comes to higher income because sales people and their customers have different interactions nlp can provide significant assistance neuro linguistic programming has a set of ideas and capabilities to combine the brain body and feelings of people to allow them to communicate effectively with other people these are skills and strategies that will help you create your career better if you are engaged in sales everyone has a language that they prefer to speak or hear you need to know the language they prefer and use it to your advantage in order to connect with your customers listen closely as your customers speak and understand whether for instance they want to use visual phrases or auditory phrases then use the language they want to sell your customers strategy for purchasing must suit your strategy for sale when visual sounds attract a potential buyer more you will need to use sounds to catch his attention carry samples to show their attention to customers who prefer to see first before buying applications of nlp in relationships and emotions without focusing on the most important emotion of all writing a book on emotion and changing actions is unlikely and that is love nlp methods can create extremely effective relationships as each individual can work on their self-esteem and perfect some excellent communication skills in the relationship nlp also assists in accepting a partnership and allows parties to broaden their views when dealing with each other in your relationships you should try the following measures to make nlp work a know what you believe you need to build more than just a positive thinking you need a positive belief it means that you think you can have a great connection and find the right person for you only one output can produce positive thinking which is a positive outcome relief will come with this as a reason for going out and searching for the relationship you need that's if you're single if you're in a partnership you should be motivated to improve your relationship b make a non-negotiable list you should look for your partner's attributes and expectations for what is relevant to you these are considered the non-negotiables which means that if they are absent you will seriously consider the viability of the union use nlp you will decide which of the most important criteria for you when talking to the person you need you should mentally test if they follow the predetermined requirements you should also seek to see them as they do this from their own point of view you may even find yourself changing your life as you go along c communicate actively one of the maxims of the nlp is that you cannot refuse to communicate therefore be constructive and interact at the center of your focus with the one taking the moment to know more about the other person whether you choose to communicate by phone email or text messages this should help to improve your motivation d avoid arguments arguments misunderstandings may be a breakdown however healthy of any relationship keeping nlp approaches in mind avoiding disputes becomes much simpler when communicating with your partner pacing and guiding are the right methods to use it applies specifically to how you react to your partner and then how they choose to respond to a conflict listening must allow enough time to absorb what is being said and leadership should steer the dialogue towards solving the problem e set smart goals nlp is about where you want to be in the future relationships should incorporate the same principles in order to make it easier for you to determine whether the relationship works it is therefore important to set smart goals f see the world through other people's eyes people like to be correct about a variety of things but this can become apparent especially when dealing with their point of view the great thing about nlp is that it makes us aware of all the filters that make it difficult to see a clear line such filters will retain the beliefs and aspirations that have been acquired over the years through knowing these barriers it becomes much easier to deal with people's behavior there is also an incredible amount of flexibility as an nlp free person may find that due to personality quirks they may not be able to interact with everyone these mind maps form a knowledge of how to use and see the world a great communicator would be someone who can move mentally from their own map to match their partners map making it easier to know each other better g it's not the message it's the response if you heard the word lost in translation you know that a message might lose all its meaning or because it is misunderstood the ordinary outcome would be to blame the people around for this poor result the nlp is completely getting rid of the game of blame how it is understood is accountable to the person who transmits the message therefore if the message is not viable the person listening will not be held responsible while the person passing the message would have to repeat or improve what they're communicating the nlp helps you to speak the other person's tongue as you communicate this implies that there is enough versatility to improve communication eight do your best with what you have the world is full of expectations about relationships there are aspirations on both sides combined with emotions use nlp is essential to know how people will act as they do to look at their actions and to believe that there is always a good purpose it's all about patiently changing your point of view and appreciating that with the available resources your partner is doing the best they can at the time other nlp skills in relationships a practical application of nlp in a relationship is the use of your auditory skills that means you can listen to your partner really if you choose to listen actively you will learn encouraging and amazing things about your partner it also makes it easier for you to establish a relationship with them by creating a powerful visual image of your partner you can do wonders for your love life this means seeing them as you want them smiling laughing flirting and being happy you can try to improve your love with this practice this workout is aimed at dispersing an argument to start with you need to take a picture of the time when together you and your partner had a wonderful day focus on the relationship you have built and emotional intensity remember the sounds you've heard the sights you've seen the tastes and smells you've enjoyed and the touch you've shared anchor it to any part of your body as soon as you are in the moment then remember when you had an argument think of the tone of your voice the surroundings and see it as a still black and white image let go of it applications of nlp in parenting they are filled with joy and anticipation when someone becomes a parent and as their child grows older they start realizing something different that they need to learn and understand the emotions and feelings of their child in such a way that they can have a positive impact on their growth some of the best ways to do this is to find a way through the child's eyes to see the world connect more profoundly and fulfill all the child's emotional needs first of all this chapter discusses nlp in five senses that constitute our intrinsic domain these five senses are sight hearing smell touch and taste all of these will be part of a memory what happens to children is that they take this external sensation and give it an internal representation known as the map then through this map they see the entire world creating filters through their experiences beliefs and values these barriers and the children's own experiences are what makes them distinctive individuals parents can use the strategies and techniques of nlp to look at the globe through the eyes of their child nlp lets a parent see what they are seeing think what they are thinking and hear what they are saying to guide their children in the right direction a parent is better equipped with this understanding this skill can be practically implemented to help your child overcome fear by seeing things from the perspective of the child a parent can reduce their fear to nothing nlp is a good choice to try if you're trying to improve your interaction with your child by being optimistic with your kid and naturally interacting you are likely to receive the same reactions from your child in theory they should mirror your actions and emotional state take a situation where for example you're trying to discipline a child your natural impulse would be to correct them and don't throw away your toys with a positive as it were the likely result will be more toy throwing events if you use nlp techniques as a guidance instead of speaking in the negative you will discipline your child from a positive angle so you're more likely to say be careful about making the kid more cautious and trying to keep their toys safe when they build their world map you can also teach your child to use some nlp skills to build trust to be successful at school you can start by teaching your kids how to visualize choosing a favorable outcome could enable them to concentrate more on being in the classroom you might also be able to slowly teach them how to use nlp methods to manage difficult situations through taking the benefits of nlp strategies to your children you help them gain good habits acquire excellent communication skills and build their own high level of trust this will support them greatly as they move into the future communication is key when parenting as mentioned earlier and you can't interact with nlp methods nlp needs you to be mindful of your non-verbal communication just as much as your verbal communication it means that you don't send messages to your child which contradict because what you're saying doesn't suit your acts conflicting actions can occur when you tell your child i love you but your facial expressions are irritated or your teeth are clenched it means that the kid receives a positive message yet is busy communicating a negative message using the body language nlp calls for one to stay present stopping a parent from reacting to a child's previous behavior or recollection of something the child has done as parents as a human being you may cry out loud at your child as the rage has gathered in you because the kid may not be able to see right before them they may react to a previous case that can lead to a confusion misunderstanding or unhappiness and knowing the voice tone the speed and the actions you're doing is important remember you can perceive the sense of your conversation by watching your kid respond you need to modify your message if you can see that your message is misunderstood or lost in translation nlp will open these doors for you exposing the capacity for improved interaction you may have a kid learning visually so using pictures or other visual aids will make communicating with them easier eventually there is no question that children will try to push the boundaries some kids will use poor or negative behavior such as being rude violent and lashing out in an effort to get a parent's attention as a parent it is possible to use nlp methods to regulate how to respond to these circumstances responding as favorably as possible is the concept here therefore by responding positively to a negative attitude give a favorable response when confronted with a root kit which is called a pattern interruption your child will also feel the need to regulate their responses by responding favorably and spreading the scenario applications of nlp in other spheres of life better speaking most people will never really know what they're thinking or feeling right now that's because before they actually say something they're always wondering what to say it turns the unconscious features of language production grammar and word selection into conscious activities which means that a message can be changed and inauthenticity can result it's time for people to chat just like when they're on the line we can send organized phrases without spending time worrying how to relay a message using nlp you can just start speaking in any scenario the idea here is to submit an end goal in your conversation and work towards achieving this end goal it is essential to stop worrying about looking stupid or making a mistake as this leads to the overthrow of communication there is an unconscious mind that is very powerful the unconscious mind will find the sentences and words in line with the goal set once a target has been set mentally this nlp method is an excellent reference to teaching action where the fastest way to learn anything is to do it actively modeling successful people this method of nlp is very efficient and is used mainly in sports and business a prototype is chosen in this approach showing the actions you need and you should observe it to learn from it in practice for instance if you want to imitate someone in the company who finishes deals effectively someone who is confident smart and always driven to do business you have to watch this individual do their thing and maybe learn from their body language the tone of speech as they speak body posture among other things modeling is not done once but several times before it becomes a practice when your turn comes to do it you will have no problem presenting yourself just like your good model empowering questions in this method you come up with questions that will focus on where you want it to be in order to change the thinking patterns of yourself or another person this is a method used in business to persuade customers of what is best for them with their products or services for example if you want to leave a poor habit you can ask yourself direct questions to persuade you how bad that habit is if you want to start something new you can use questions to convince your mind that it's the correct thing to do you may for instance come up with a list of advantages that you will enjoy when you start to work out through a number of important issues creating better communication this is a much easier learning ability and will help you get along with any type of person creating a relationship with individuals can be accomplished in so many distinct ways for example you can follow a person's breathing patterns without them realizing it you can copy their body language without being too obvious you can choose to use the precise phrases that the other person uses among many other ways find out their perception and use it it can be audible kinesthetic or audible perception this can be accomplished by talking to the person you are interested in listening to the words they use and how they use those words mind juggling in case you feel nervous this method is very helpful it can create a balance between the right and left sides of your brain and ultimately reduce anxiety for mind juggling choose something that you really like something that has some private meaning to you something that will feel nice and sound nice and won't be harmed if it drops you should have an affinity for the item you're going to use more than its features to practice stand with your legs apart or sit with a straight back in a chair without arms place your hands with the item on one side in a way that you help it start throwing the object from side to side with your eyes to allow your mind to roam in the direction you want and drop the object at times this exercise can be done for as long as necessary fast fear cure there is a way of curing great anxieties in this method you are meant to imagine something that you fear in order to come to the truth with it and to overcome it in a process one can play back the scenario to face the fear in the sense that has arisen to get a person with a phobia to recover imagine yourself in a movie theater sitting in the front line ready to watch your greatest fear picture what you most fear and watch from the front row on that big screen imagine looking out from a window at the monitor play the terror over and over on the big screen as you watch the phobic reply from a balcony you can do this as many times as necessary allowing you to switch the theater locations and adjust the screen's colors of fear and locate the fear in all sorts of visualizations sometimes your fear won't be as intense as it was and as you keep imagining yourself facing what you're most afraid of fear will come down and you won't be afraid anymore planning efficiently this is another effective nlp method that will help you plan something you're about to do to make sure it's going smoothly imagine how you're going to behave talk feel and think about the new path you're going to take in this method to make your emotions come true involve all your senses in this even in that situation when you write down the answers ask yourself important questions such as what to do before that day or activity begins ask yourself what to do before you move and write down all these as they will help you prepare for a good case or day repeat all this until it has covered everything that should be accomplished on that ideal day by the time you're done you should have written down all of the steps for the actual day give the steps a timeline to make a perfect event if it takes a few days make sure that you have a date of commencement and the date of completion this is an ideal method for planning complex assignments you may not be able to complete on time you may be afraid that you will get lost along the way but through this nlp approach that will direct you you will produce an ideal and smooth flow timetable schedule them in such a way that if you have more than one mission the dates will not clash chapter 5 manipulation deception and persuasion there are many theories about the functions and tendencies of the human brain a lot of literature also discusses how people shape their views belief systems and behavior patterns on the other hand there will be a lot of theories about how people usually behave in certain situations environments and contexts with all these theories and literature on the topic of human psychology one thing is certain to persuade manipulate or deceive a person you must align your mind with your place meaning or environment in other words the first step in persuading manipulating or deceiving someone is to fully understand their thought how do you fully understand the mind of the other person how do you use this knowledge of the other person's mind to persuade deceive or manipulate the other person's thinking the simplest solution to this problem is to consider what inspires and motivates the other person to take action does the other person do something for the money or as a passion does he do it for glory does he do it for authority does he do it for the sake of fame comprehend his state of mind and psychology once you are acquainted with the other person's drive and motives it is now time to strategically arrange your conversations and requests so that he and his motivations profit he will immediately accept your request with little to no opposition do you know the reason for this this is because he can see you as being very much like him because of the way you have handled the conversation and made your submission he must have the intrinsic obligation to satisfy your demand as such this is the fundamental principle of persuasion deception and manipulation this research's main theme is to persuade exploit and trick the other person without being identified or heard by the other person in other words your goal is to conceal and shield from your target your attempts and intentions if you ever learned the rules of logic you would see that manipulating deceiving or persuading a person could place you in this rather absurd situation of making a mistake fallacies are in themselves absurdities which means your argument may not always be true because it defies specific laws if you want your point to always be true and you want to influence the minds of others by the most rational means then you might find that there are a lot of mistakes in psychology there are arguments for argumentum and baculum argumentum as eddie situm argumentum and veracundium and many other latin terms available for fake appeals these areas are committed by people because of course they appeal to emotions authority or turn of events they cannot predict that's the good part about the real world though not all people are convinced that the visual claim is all that comes under good logic the testable theory suggests that there are truths in this world that really defy logical rules their law defiance as people can see it however makes the world much more real often people try to predict the climate which is completely unpredictable of course there are predictions that nail it and in an unpredictable nature there are those that will work out while there are some books that would make you think the best way to influence people is to play with their heads according to the laws of logic this book will teach you how to persuade others by putting yourself in their shoes it's all about empathizing with others and then putting a credible and sound argument in their heads that works well for your benefit that's because the real world's individuals are more likely to respond to what they feel and not to what the reality in their heads says there are many reasons why somebody else might want to deceive confuse or persuade others now the problem is is your ethical way of thinking manipulating deceiving and persuading another person for the answer it really relies on you no one can determine whether what you are doing is ethical or not except you nonetheless there are many social situations where you need to perform specific methods of bribery deceit and persuasion to achieve your goals let's say you're the us president and russia is trying to engage you as an illustrative example in the global political arena in a nuclear arms race of course you don't want to start a new world war therefore your target is the russian leader and your purpose or position is to prevent any conflict in the world and to preserve peace in this situation it would be very helpful to use methods of persuasion deception and manipulation to promote your position of world peace and harmony of course your target people are your customers and consumers if you're in the business sector in fact your goal is to get them to buy your products or use your services if you're an environmental lawyer your target people are policy makers lobbyists and the public therefore in protecting the environment your goal is to convince them to support your cause when you look at the topic of mind control closely it is undoubtedly basically a game of persuasion that is practiced every day it would of course be up to you to understand the intention of learning these tricks as machiavelli would say everything becomes a means for a particular purpose nevertheless the art of mind manipulation does not mean that you refuse the use of free will to your goals rather you give them something that they most definitely are searching for a feeling of a positive choice that acts as a guide to their behavior basically the nature of your actions and your set of private beliefs will decide whether or not the methods and techniques you use are ethical note that the main objective of this chapter is to create a specific shift in the mindset of your target person without them being aware of the changes in their thinking if you are an entrepreneur your customers will be your target audience and your goal or aim will be to get them to buy your products or use your services in this regard one of the most successful ways to change the way you think about your customers or your goal is to change your way of talking in other terms to build what you sell and what your customers want you must use the right phrases if you're watching promotional ads on tv or youtube right now you'll know that brief business videos are enticing because they use the terms or lingo to address the specific concerns of their target people therefore there is an emotional sense that only the language used by the product or service manufacturers understands your point of view situation or environment now when you think about how advertisements appear on tv they all offer two kinds of sensation and pleasure and pain essentially they play on the two sensations that have changed mankind's course forever philosophers religious orders and tyrants all experimented with the notion of sensations with a similar belief that everyone would want to do something to experience or avoid pain millenniums later with the same assumption people still behave that's why the art of manipulation and mental control still exists how do you think people prefer a brand of coffee to others the response is pleasure it's still the game of joy against pain some would think that they prefer double shots of espresso to experience that pleasurable feeling of being awake much faster because they are upset with slowness they want to achieve the bitter taste of coffee as fast as they take a sip similar to the latte men though they prefer milk over coffee and they want to experience the caffeine as it is in the form of slow waves of the bloodstream everyone will cater to a different set of people playing to their needs try to tell an espresso addict that he can drink more caffeine in a large glass of latte than three tall cappuccino glasses more often than not this espresso lover will try to switch to latte the next morning because he is more likely to get easily what he wants at the end of this argument people are not mostly concerned about how to get what they want they just want a technique to bring them closer to their goals in a faster manner we want to believe that all the methods we use are shortcuts to a pleasant experience with that in mind it is rather straightforward for individuals to adjust their belief systems if the move is to ensure achievement therefore on the market out there are just too many products of the same type imagine the number of toothpaste brands spread the word however that one product is likely to cause a person's teeth to drop off when he's in his eighties it's almost guaranteed that individuals who are that brand's die-hard fans would adjust or do a very thorough analysis of their use of that brand that's why when you're trying to know how to affect the minds of people around you you always try to know how they feel about a product and what it's doing for them you buy a product one way or the other because you think you want it but once somebody gives the concept that they shouldn't want it anymore because it will hurt them they will reject it however they would rather seek a comparable item perhaps 7 out of 10 times than stop using it every day if you can sell cigarettes that don't cause cancer problems and ruin the mouth but still deliver the same level of satisfaction as other brands then you're almost guaranteed to get rich people don't want cancer but they don't want to say no to their cigarettes it's because they all want what they got used to now switch the viewpoint and provide a profit or offer something in the easy way to make your life better they're going to risk their life if they refuse to take it the art of mind control is comparable the subconscious would always say goals of moving toward prevention of pleasure and pain another basic principle for manipulating deceiving and persuading a target person is the declaration by an authority strategy this means that's a mere proposal or statement by a power figure can often transform and change a person's visual memory to create a distinct memory favorable to the power figure keep in mind that each person's power figure is different many individuals will see a university professor as an illustrative authority figure well some individuals will see a person who has learned from hard knocks as an authority figure in other words you should position yourself in a situation in which you will grasp the authority figure of your target person you might think that there are people who don't believe in authority okay you're wrong and so for manipulating people this can't be a standard technique but when you look at the history of this culture people have always been entrenched in any kind of organization people have always been looking for someone to give them the information they need to improve their lives or as an example they can look up to although individuals may think it is possible to disregard or discount the importance of government they will still be searching for a leader you must either have a leader's characteristics or have your words come from an important person to be able to influence an individual this way anyone listening to the phrases you say wouldn't doubt if you can see this all the time more people will buy the item if people who are respected sponsor products for sale chapter six the art of persuasion what are you really trying to do when you try to persuade someone in its very nature persuasion is the ability that allows you to influence your goal in allowing a new belief in your system you do this by making sure the belief you instill in your target fits the way he thinks you also do this by challenging the authorities he listens to and assuming that you are the authority of the new belief that you want him to acquire there are many ways you can convince engineers and five of them will be learned in this section you can even design your own tactics based on your target's character but you need to create them so that you can go back to what persuasion really is at this point you will begin to realize that persuasion is a very powerful tool and for almost any relationship most people who have used this skill believe that it is even the basis of the other skills discussed in this book that are manipulation and deception persuasion allows you to move in and drop your target's defenses by placing them in a situation where their beliefs would be changed beliefs are very powerful in creating what's comfortable for people which in turn dictates what they'd do over and over again they're not 100 correct and according to experience they are malleable because they can change depending on one world experience you the controller will be able to challenge them and make your expectations view their environment as something else it sounds easy but it's not of course the obstacle you face as you step into persuasion is your goals definition of comfort people would always want to believe what makes sense to them such as their religion their choice of products and their entire lifestyle we don't care about anything else now you should dispute the notion and offer damning evidence that some or all of your convictions may be incorrect how are you doing this you need to find a way to get them to listen and make sure you're on the same page and get them to accept that you make sense you should step in for the kill when that happens one of the most effective ways to convince the target is by admitting a weakness a downside detriment or disadvantage before the other person does for hundreds of years this principle has been known understood and applied the reason you admit a flaw in your case or your statement is that you seem to be more truthful to the other party and your target by doing so for today's society where everyone is cynical this will be useful by being skeptical it is meant that people in today's society will usually not believe a case or claim if the only advantages benefits and other arguments are admitted in their favor as such usually expect people to be on the lookout for a capture in other words you will be automatically regarded as an honest and trustworthy person by accepting a negative fault or drawback of your argument idea or case at the outset this strategy is one of the most people who sell their proposals or services using the best tactics this works well because the dealer would always give a personal brand testimony by making his current experience so much better than his previous life the comparison makes the objective more conscious of what he wants he never wants to experience the trouble you've been through and anything you've tried and used personally will save him the trouble why is this tactic going to work this makes them know that you can make mistakes that make them feel you don't have your defenses all the time and you can relax in front of them moreover your target will feel more comfortable with your presence because you don't seem too enthusiastic about persuading him or her to buy your claim proposal or case instead you're providing them with an opening they can test so which makes the entire statement a very exciting proposition it becomes something very fascinating about which they would like to find out more as such the moment you are trustworthy in the eyes of your target is the moment to strike perfectly you can better convince your target if you've done something that's going to be in his or her favor for example by helping him or her with a problem you can show your trust to your target in other words put yourself in a situation where in any way you can help him or her for example if your goal is to sell real estate stocks or insurance you can call a personal friend about the products that your goal is trying to sell if on the other hand your goal is a businessman offer your friends and acquaintances to distribute their business cards if your aim has to be presented to a politician or policy maker because he or she wants such a politician or policymaker to support a cause for environmental or health care introduce the two people to each other by all means it means more than anything else that you will share with your goal a portion of your time and effort offer your assistance any form of help is appreciated he or she will be more comfortable with you in this way the target will also have a certain relation to you implying that he sees you just like him or her once your goal becomes comfortable with you your mental defenses will be lowered this is the perfect time to convince him or her in your plan statement or case at the end of the day when he or she lowers his or her mental defenses here's what a lot of self-help gurus would do they're giving themselves a little background and that had to always be about the time they weren't successful once they find an easy way to change their lives they turn up and tell you they'd tell you their methods worked because they were trying the hard way to do things they're willing however to show you how to do things that would make your life tremendously better just the way you want it the easy way the technique appeals to many people because these accomplished people are willing to share what they have been through and are willing to share the secret without the recipient having to go through the bad experiences in order to gain the information it would also be advisable to point out that you are like your target as well and offer your claim because you think you are very similar by making people think that people with the same rank can easily exchange experiences you can always persuade people now they'd find they could relate to an expert like you knocking off the socks of your target means you're giving it a pleasant surprise how are you going to do this blow off your goal with an amazing fact or an amazing statement or just something that only a few people would learn make a claim case or suggestion that you can make or there's something you can teach him or her that's never been done before this can also be something that can change the way the idea or statement is perceived this will open their minds in such a way that they will accept new ideas and thoughts it positions them in a state of relaxation and acceptance in other words and the psychology behind this is that people enjoy being pleasantly surprised in general if your target has been pleasantly surprised making him or her say yes to your proposal claim or case will be relatively easy why do you know this is because if you help such a person discover some amazing new reality making a decision to pursue another person you will always be relatively easier in fact it will be relatively easy to make a decision to give in to your statement or suggestion because your intention is to feel more comfortable and receptive there's a reason why people believe in success stories everybody wants to always find the easiest way to do things and they're willing to buy anything that a person used to get out of a terrible situation that's also likely to happen to them when you sell a parachute the belt that people usually use is made of strings used to hold a parachute together keep in mind that they likely wouldn't find themselves falling out of a plane and using a parachute to save their lives however if you tell people that a parachute can hold more than 500 kilos of weight so that they can use it to tow their cars and that it's the favorite bracelet for hunters and adventurers because it can serve as a tourniquet a fishing line or something to tie up their tents they'd buy one from you for three times the price that's because these are the information that would make you think the service is much more important than it appears another useful tip linked to this technique of persuasion is the last introduction of the plan you want to be accepted or the item you want to purchase this indicates that you have spent a considerable amount of time asking for approval of a plan or to buy an item from your target because of your actions the target would usually have to accept a single item or service after you have been removed from the start of the discussion as such placing your most important proposal or product at the end of the presentation or conversation would be strategically advantageous be precise you should be precise and specific in specifying details to your target audience if you want to add an element of credibility to your statements the explanation for this is that if your words contain clear and detailed information it means you know how they affect other things when you understand how certain issues can be influenced by your plan argument or event your claims are more difficult to attack moreover most people unconsciously feel better when very specific and accurate information is given to them why are figures and percentages of all sorts convincing people it's because they get a sense of security from specific numbers of course people don't think that a hundred percent of the time something would work they want something that's almost foolproof because the almost perfect object they might get is even better than all the other products they've tried that's why consumers often prefer to buy items using numerical adjectives like most almost all and nine out of ten but if you insist that your product is perfect notice the number of questions you get because people don't think about perfection they would rather get something that can be flawed but if they fulfill the conditions they're still guaranteed to work that makes the brand more interesting and trustworthy for people suppose you're a consultant for operations management for example how can you apply the principle to your target dealings okay you can say your target that his or her revenue will increase by 46 percent in six months through the use of your consultancy services that's unique now but if you tell someone you can promise a hundred percent increase in his revenue then your goal will be more likely to go away that's because you don't get your target as a buyer unless you can show him some big time customer who can back up your story benefit offer what's a good offer an offer should definitely look like it is not just for your benefit for the benefit of your target you need to make an offer that would build the same appeal for that reason bear in mind that most people are more self-interested not you they are more likely to be aware of themselves and they definitely wouldn't be following your interests if you're going to make them act on what you're thinking of and make sure you make it look like they're getting more benefit than you would why are people buying salesman's products and becoming convinced that doing so is the right decision the reason is simple the seller doesn't think about how much money he'd get from the sale and how that benefit would change his life when considering these a salesman doesn't have to ask but when he wants to do it from the viewpoint of his client he would still be able to enjoy it all he has to do is make it a point that his product is of superior quality and that in his life the customer would need it more or less of course the customer knows there's something good for the seller a customer buys without hesitation though because he understands that their roles are just the way they go but if the scene continues with the seller putting his needs first the customer will certainly want to go home none of them would enjoy the benefit if that happens so when it comes to persuading someone that doing you a favor would be to his advantage make him a good offer to see his advantage first and before you finally get the bonus too necessary to convince someone is your closing spell it would be the prestige in the art of doing magic where the highlight occurs your initiative is not yet sure to come to fruition without a good closer for this reason reiterating parts of your conversation in which you went into some form of agreement would always be wise if your target once said he'd like to try whatever you're offering in a conversation then keep that moment in mind make sure you pull up the closing information before the conversation dies down you can say something like this because you said you'd like to try product a i'm going to go ahead and wrap it up for you now you're talking with a positive approach as a very optimistic salesperson something many consumers want now if they do not want their order to be sealed tell them if you should prepare it for them to pick up later always say they have the right to withdraw from your previous agreement remember the target that he liked it and never insinuate there is an option to say no you'd be shocked that it works for almost anything no matter how old this marketing tactic is it's because people are mostly worried about how to make it much easier to make choices proactive people know that if they think there is someone who is trying to save them from all the trouble people are willing to be bent to your will in chapter 7 using scarcity to create a value for yourself and in business when people know that what they want is limited in terms of time color options availability and quantity their desire for it increases exponentially corresponding to this theory whenever you want something but can't easily have it the appetite for that object increases significantly this is nothing but human nature and one of economics fundamental laws citizens have always heard about the law of supply and demand and they understand how difficult it is to buy something at a much higher price just because the market for it has increased that's why they're going to markets to buy product that's more likely to become extremely popular in the future and take advantage of its original price today most stores use this strategy first they get people to understand their products inherent value which they know the consumers need tremendously they will then throw in some freebies and a cheap price which would help them generate sufficient revenue to fund their money we will then conceal the product from the public and once we think there's enough glamour for the products to return to the shelf they'll bring it back on the market at a ridiculously high price what is this action going to do by listening to the people's voice it makes the store owner look good and then he earns a lot of extra money to do so he doesn't need the people to know the second advantage he enjoyed though the first benefit is all that he would need to remind them of from the point of view of his goals he's simply trying to make his customers avoid the pain by reintroducing an old product that would most likely be much more expensive than the new products his store offers the customers did not know however that the store owner has already guaranteed his personal reward he definitely knows his old products would be selling no matter what he did not actually take any risk at all so how can you use this principle the first element of this principle is that your goal must be aware that it will be valuable to him or her for your service offer proposal or product he or she is going to suffer if he or she loses the chance to have this right now the second element is the act of scarcity induction now to your target you can induce scarcity tell him or her that in terms of business operations what you are selling right now will only be available for a limited time or in limited quantities the target will know by causing scarcity that there is a real possibility that he or she may not get what they really want because time or stock will run out quickly as such telling your target in no uncertain terms how it will lose out in this situation would be essential if you want to obsess with something useful in life like working out there's a talent for that it's all about neuro-linguistic programming just recognize and use your preference to create better things in your life d try as much as you like there's no particular way to use nlp to achieve the goals of your life experimenting in different ways will ultimately help you focus on yourself and try your best to get deeper into your emotions and ideas if you want to achieve beneficial results with nlp what you should do is challenge your inner views and your perception of things and the globe as a whole be ready to find out a lot of stuff you haven't heard before and that could be a little frightening nevertheless doing so is necessary for the mastering of nlp e understand experiences in your own way there will be many discoveries that you will understand in your search of self-discovery using nlp and since there is no instruction in this capacity you will have to come up with your understanding of things and identify your own goals in life this will come after you use nlp to master the limiting factors f do not restrict yourself in fact there is no limit when it comes to what the human mind can accomplish therefore you should not limit yourself either why do you want to restrict yourself if your mind will help you do so many things in life those phobias won't have to be dealt with anymore when using nlp you can easily overcome them set the sky as your limit and make as much as possible for better days in life g enjoy it if you don't like to change your belief patterns you might not do much through nlp so you've got to enjoy it having fun trying to overcome your addictions fears obsessions and other things that will ultimately help you achieve better results you can do so much to overcome these limiting factors and that's how easy it is to restore order to your lives note that the way you feel about nlp is exactly how you should feel when you face all these restricting factors try not to follow a certain itinerary define your own itinerary have as much fun as you can and see how lovely it would feel when individuals are physically and mentally at an all-time low we often claim it to be in a bad state we also recognize that to make the most of a task we need to be in the right mindset very literally these are all the thoughts emotions and physiology which we articulated at the time the mental images sounds feelings and all the physical posture and breathing patterns mind and body are completely linked and our emotions instantly and vice versa affect our physiology our state of mind is constantly shifting and one of the few things we can rely on if you change country the entire world out there is also shifting generally we are more aware of our emotional state than our breathing patterns physiology posture gesture in reality emotions are often considered beyond conscious control they are the visible tip of the iceberg we don't see the entire psychology and thought system sitting below and encouraging the emotions these are the submerged nine-tenths of the iceberg trying to influence the emotions without altering state is as pointless as trying to make the iceberg vanish by staring at the top off more will just surface unless you spend too much energy holding it underwater and that's often what we do with drugs or willpower the mind leads us and with obedience the body follows usual emotions can thus be stamped on a person's face and posture because the person does not notice how his or her physiology is shaped by the emotions try to experiment with it take a moment to think about an enjoyable experience the time when you felt really good think back to that experience if you've been thinking about one and spend as much as you can to experience it a minute or two look around you see what you see and hear as you relive this memory as you enjoy these pleasant feelings recall how you felt when you're prepared go back to the present notice how your current state is affected by this especially your posture and breathing past experiences don't go away forever they can help you feel better in the present even though the past sights and sounds are gone the actual feeling is as real and tangible as it was when we reconstruct them mentally so just put yourself in a more resourceful state or whatever you felt before you heard this paragraph today on the other hand think back to a somewhat painful past experience if one comes to mind imagine yourself in it again back in that situation what do you see what are you hearing note how you feel return to the present and see how this has affected you and do not stay very long with this experience and compare your feelings after this experience with how you felt after the previous experience note also the unique style of breathing and posture now change your emotional state perform some kind of physical activity move your body to something completely different and turn your attention from memory to something look out of the window and jump up and down and sprint across the hall hit the wall or bend and touch your feet look at the physical sensations of the action and what you experience here and now this is known as altering or breaking state in terms of the nlp and is worth doing if you feel pessimistic or unresourceful once you recall unpleasant memories and unresourceful access environments the entire body takes on and retains such adverse conditions as muscle tone posture and breathing patterns such physically stored memories can contaminate your future experiences for minutes or hours we all know what it's like to get out of bed on the wrong side people with depression have unconsciously mastered the ability to maintain unresourceful state for long periods of time others mastered the ability to change their emotional state and will creating for themselves a mental freedom that transforms their quality of life they feel the emotional ups and downs of life completely however they know step on and do not dwell on emotional pain unnecessarily as we go through life we constantly move through different emotional states sometimes faster sometimes more gradually for example you might feel pretty tiny and a friend is calling you with some nice news it makes your spirits lighter or maybe it's a bright sunny day and you're opening your mail to discover an unexpectedly large bill the mines clouds can cover a moon we can affect our states instead of simply reacting to what is happening outside in the last few minutes you felt nice then awkward again but that's how you feel now and nothing has actually happened in the outside world you've done it all yourself suppose you are a businessman as an illustrative example and your target is a potential customer you can say to your goal i'd really hate to see you miss this latest iphone and note that this version will only have 2 000 iphone units available i will give you the chance to reserve one for yourself if you wish this example would work because it involves a specific number which justifies the claim of scarcity a seller would sell for a certain amount based on how much his customer would like or need the service that he sells the thing is that soon because it's that special the products will be taken off the shelves he can make the claim stronger by saying that most people can get it only on a reservation basis and because the competition is very tough but still the fighting for the product is so worth it to maximize consumer pressure a store owner may declare that consumers have a specific deadline to make up their minds missing that deadline is the same as missing the entire opportunity to profit from the service now if you were that salesman you could even boost your pitch by saying you're willing to go out of your way and make sure your target gets a fair fighting chance to get that product but it should count on an effort insinuate that going through the trouble of having to fill up the paperwork and stand in line can be frustrating for you you are now guaranteed to sell and you would also get a good tip conclusion in the end it is essential to understand that nlp and manipulation techniques are both subjective techniques that work on all humans but also depends on a lot of practice and expertise in order to fully maximize its prowess whether you are working for a small organization or a multinational nlp can be used throughout the business the skills are useful when it comes to communication team management and project management dealing with challenging situations and when your work involves interacting with people nlp can be used at all stages of life throughout business and education the tools will help you gain a thorough understanding of behavior patterns and how individuals can respond in a variety of situations helping you to work more efficiently and effectively everyone can take advantage of the skills including business people sports fans actors teachers leaders politicians and coaches for example thank you for buying this book i hope it has helped you learn the basic principles of human psychology and the specific tactics that you can use to manipulate persuade and deceive in any situation you find yourself in you can use the strategies described in this book the next step in your efforts to use manipulation persuasion and deception techniques is to apply this knowledge to your daily lives be sure to re-read it regularly to remember and make the most of it in your life and accomplish your goals more quickly the end this has been manipulation and nlp techniques learn the art of persuasion influence and deception understand emotional intelligence social influence hypnosis and seduction techniques written by jake smith narrated by jason spyer copyright 2019 by jake smith production copyright by jake smith body language secrets and how to analyze people two books in one analyze body language speed read people personality types manipulate and influence people with emotional and mind control written by jake smith narrated by glenn bolteis copyright 2019 by jake smith all rights reserved this document is geared towards providing exact and reliable information with regards to the topic and issue covered the publication is sold with the idea that the publisher is not required to render accounting officially permitted or otherwise qualified services if advice is necessary legal or professional a practiced individual in the profession should be ordered from a declaration of principles which was accepted and approved equally by a committee of the american bar association and a committee of publishers and associations in no way is it legal to reproduce duplicate or transmit any part of this document in either electronic means or in printed format recording of this publication is strictly prohibited and any storage of this document is not allowed unless with written permission from the publisher all rights reserved the information provided herein is stated to be truthful and consistent in that any liability in terms of inattention or otherwise by any usage or abuse of any policies processes or directions contained within is the solitary and utter responsibility of the recipient reader under no circumstances will any legal responsibility or blame be held against the publisher for any reparation damages or monetary loss due to the information herein either directly or indirectly respective authors own all copyrights not held by the publisher the information herein is for informational purposes only and is universal as so the presentation of the information is without contract or any type of guarantee assurance the trademarks that are used are without any consent and the publication of the trademark is without permission or backing by the trademark owner all trademarks and brands within this book are for clarifying purposes only and are the owned by the owners themselves not affiliated with this document introduction the human body operates like a computer constantly processing information and giving out information in form of body language we all understand what it is but most of us don't know exactly how it works that's because with other conscious awareness the process of obtaining and decoding nonverbal communication is often completed it's just true human beings are genetically programmed to scan and quickly understand their significance for facial and behavioral signals we see somebody's movement and determine the meaning of that gesture automatically and for a long long time we've been doing this as a culture we knew how to win friends and influence people long before we learned how to use words or avoid place or confront people we couldn't be friends with our ancestors made decisions on survival based solely on complex bits of visual information which they obtained from others and they've done that early throughout our pre-history it was often a matter of life or death to decide quickly whether a circumstance or individual was risky almost all of us are able to read body language yet its rules may seem mysterious and at one point we all let our bodies say things we didn't want even without being aware of it you're going to know that sometimes a meeting or transaction is going very well and sometimes it goes terribly even without changing a lot about your conversation the explanation this often occurs is in the culture of the body that you or they used you said the right thing with your face and the reciprocated person with a positive atmosphere or on the other hand you might have had a rough day and another person could only read your anger from the way you stood flimsy body language may cause real problems for many of us sometimes we may seem upset when we're not sometimes people may not take us seriously or they may feel we're insincere in many situations fake body language is also important at one time or another we have to sell something whether it's thoughts ideas or used cars and we're not going to believe in what we sell nevertheless we need to say that we are doing by our body language luckily you can change the way you use body language and just be mindful of what hand gesture means what and what your eyebrow twitch can say you can start saying what you mean in both your words and your body this is the book to help you achieve good knowledge of body language how to analyze people and how to subtly use body language to manipulate people with or without their consent consider these two near-identical scenarios both start with you sitting at your favorite restaurant table it's a busy night and you luckily got there just in time to avoid having to tip the bus boy to skip the queue and you're on the tail end of your main course in deep discussion with your buddy about ordering dessert or not it's a night of pleasure why not so the waitress comes here she looks down at your table and asks are you finished scenario one with her hands on her hips she asked this question stood up straight her lips slightly pursed and she speaks really quickly without waiting to see if you were ready to answer scenario two she's bent over slightly to make better eye contact she's waiting for you to finish speaking before answering her hands are waiting by her side or maybe even giving your shoulder a gentle brush and she's asking her voice with a soft inflection because it's really a question and not a sarcastic motion through experience and just reading these two fictional stories you can see exactly what was going on and what these two waitresses were really doing with their bodies in the case one of the somewhat villainous waitress was saying hurry up because someone else needs the seat she wanted you to quit in the second scenario but she didn't want you to feel under pressure after all you might still want dessert body language is the means by which we interact with our bodies in a non-verbal manner this description may be deceptive because generally speaking body language is not considered to include open hand movements such as raising a thumb or fingers or using sign language these kinds of body gestures are still verbal and explicit in some type of way body language is commonly regarded as the subtle accidental and implicit ways of interacting with our body even just a middle finger can be viewed as playful given the right kind of grimace in reality in the same domain as body language even some verbal communication is considered because how we make comments is just as essential as what we do to show what we mean there of course is a middle ground pointing the finger as a clear form of interaction but it can also be automatic and finding out what our hands are doing is certainly central to understanding the language of the body body language is the analysis of our facial expressions gestures mannerisms and how we move around to decide how to translate what we say and sometimes when we don't speak to understand what a person might think or feel it's good not to be anxious at an interview in your voice but if you're sweating like you're going through a tough time people already know you're putting it on the question of whether body language is deliberate or accidental is a very difficult question to answer there are only a few rare occasions to ruminate or witness what's happening not just in the discussion but what's happening outside and around you reactions occur almost naturally and you'll often find yourself thinking that wasn't what i intended to say and in those situations you may start deconstructing your thoughts to sort out what you thought at the time their body language seems to have even less feedback from their brains than this which has culminated in some thinking about a conscious and subconscious brain this kind of separation is useful to many motivational speakers because it is dramatic and simplistic the body seems to be working on its own behalf exposing your inner urges it would be some sort of hidden secret to command the truth is that this division is typically filled with freudian psychology leftovers that are no longer taken with a lot of integrity for simplicity's sake it's best to think of the brain as having the parts you're paying attention to at the moment and next to that there's a lot of background details and systems working behind the scenes but you can easily concentrate on them and change them at your own will the way a machine works is a perfect analogy you can normally run just a few programs at a time some people would like you to believe that while you're busy your old emails and solitaire plot something against you but that's not the case body language functions as part of your conscious mind as all you're doing at the moment does but it also operates on some instinctual levels and mechanisms that we don't fully understand just yet we also hear talk about how much of our interaction depends on body language some figures suggest that 55 percent of what we say is in the regions around our nose and eyes one famous figure indicates that only seven percent of our communication is speech well these statistics vary greatly from source to source and it is not always clear what these numbers mean even in real terms it is sufficient to know that a significant amount of daily communication is almost impossible without some form of nvc nonverbal communication remember how we act through text messages or online chat systems since so much of what we say can seem deceptive or angry without a mouth or face behind it it can almost seem appropriate to use smiley faces and emoticons a simple question like come to the dinner party without a polite smile next to it it can sound accusatory note also how what we say is completely context related it's difficult even to think of a word that can be said outside a situation take a simple word like thank you it could be interpreted as sarcastic disingenuous friendly or followed by a hog or tears it could be viewed as something highly sincere we intuitively assume that the best measure of how someone feels is reflected in their face after the words they say but a recent study indicates this is not the case the study suggests that humans are not skilled in recognizing the subtleties of feelings and facial expressions and it is exceedingly difficult for people to determine the strength of an emotion correctly from the face alone just by analyzing facial images in a princeton report it was discovered that without being able to look at the rest of the body only fifty percent of the time people were able to perceive an emotional state correctly the more we know about the language of the body the more we understand how complex it is and how that body is used body language is it not interesting stuff our perception of body language and our comprehension of it seems to be both an innate ability and something gained by experience if you spend enough time with children you'll know they can judge what your face says or communicates from very early on research on blind people from birth shows that there are some highly inherent body language characteristics like dramatic movements like raising your fists into the air when you're celebrating an activity they also learn from studying people living with nvc such as those diagnosed with autism that our ability to visually process information is crucial to understanding the language of the body tests at one of the leading universities suggest that people with autism may fail to quickly interpret visual acuity including predicting directions that people may move in and this relates to their ability to match physical movement with mental states of people you may be unable to improve your ability to read other people if your brain has the ability to process small gestures in other people and make observations and see trends based on this data it is essential however that teaching people to read body language at a higher level is done regularly and often so there is obviously some skill and potential for progress in this communication field for example by looking at their body language and features security forces are trained to detect deceptive characters when it comes to body language learned we can see from how it differs throughout the world how much of what we understand is either explicitly taught or absorbed from the people and culture around us as we mature the duration and frequency of eye contact varies around the globe in the usa regular eye contact is significant prolonged eye contact can be seen as a challenge in some latin american countries and in some asian nations only short eye contact is considered friendly even something like a smile isn't as cross-cultural as it might seem it's a symbol of joy in many cultures in others it's used more as a display of compatibility but although these gaps exist you still have the knowledge of communicating with people from abroad and you manage to do it reasonably well perhaps without even speaking a word in their language tests carried out in the 1970s showed that isolated tribes in papua new guinea's forests could easily read american faces from photos without any awareness of american cultural norms nevertheless what makes all of this even more difficult is that body language differs not only in terms of nationality or territory but also in race profession and even individually the language of everybody's body is different and the more time you spend with someone the more you can see their subtleties if you ever find yourself talking to a loved one why do you make that face you know just how precise their expressions can be like with any kind of language you are developing a personal idiocy and you are developing unique ways to communicate with your family and friends that others fail to understand this is basically jokes stories and secrets that would only be known by those close to you think of how a mother knows that a particular signal from her daughter means that she wants her favorite toy or how a group of friends might have a dumb facial expression that they all find hilarious which would seem to others to be extremely disrespectful there is enough mutual ground to make studying body language a worthwhile endeavor for almost everyone but keep in mind that if you want to develop your work-related non-verbal communication you'll have to account for what you're doing in your own environment when you lead a team of developers for instance the language they speak with their bodies will be different from the language of office workers in reality body language is more complex than implied but don't be afraid based on your community context and personal history it not only varies but it also changes based on who you are speaking to you may find that when you speak to your near-death grandmother with your eyes or when you speak to someone you are drawn to you adopt a soldier straight back one of the most relevant lessons to learn about nonverbal communication is how quickly a message can be conveyed we make judgments almost instantly about a person their mood their goals their interests and personality think about how to smell a salesperson before they even reveal their true intentions we can make these decisions about an individual and how they think from just over a sneak peek studies suggest that it may take as little as a second or as little as 30 seconds to make a decision about what's going on with someone else you might be left to wonder after all these variables how much of my body language can i control you've come this far living mostly in the moment doing whatever your body feels like to convince internal feelings so how can you make changes realistically a combination of positive and negative is the solution to that there's a context in which the way you respond to a situation without much preparation or psychological reprogramming is incredibly difficult to change you can learn what all the various expressions and facial features mean but if you're mad the illusion that you're not might be hard to give even having good control of your emotions is part of using the body language well this is the big trap often not discussed with others reading these kinds of books which is that paying too much attention to the language of the body could actually make you worse using it body language is so innate that it can be thrown out of control by focusing on it similar to how concentrating on how you breathe and walk can make you forget how to do it for a couple of seconds automatically there is hope however because the relationship between your mind and your body is important the body reflects how you feel inside but it can also make your body function in the opposite direction when you take on the look of someone who is happy smiling or dancing or the attitude of someone who is optimistic relaxing and growing big then your subconscious will believe in what your body is seeing and you will begin to feel happier or more comfortable for 20 seconds you can make a very easy smiling experiment even though it's the biggest worst and most artificial smile you've ever made you'll notice a change in your attitude and feelings you will note an even greater change if you do it correctly and honestly or you can go the other way around change your physiology so that when you're very tired bored and lazy it's in a state of slumber slump down hang your head lean back drop your weight and look down to the ground you can try this and sense the bodies changes immediately this functions in a positive feedback loop to regulate your body language even a little bit you begin to flex your muscles in the mirror and look like a powerful person so you begin to act like a powerful person and your body begins to do all the poses of a superman substantial evidence indicates that just adopting a strong person's attitude for a couple of minutes could alter your mentality that's why few therapists strongly recommend violent or aggressive vindication as a way to calm down and it makes sense with some honest reflection why wouldn't you break a play to make yourself feel less upset so when you know how body language functions and spend some time paying attention to what you are doing you can change how others respond to you and how you think about yourself through actively modifying your actions it is also possible to alter how you think feel and behave just as after you've been driving for a while all the elements of driving a car come together as a second nature so adopting a positive body language in response to different circumstances could affect how we instinctively behave the brain works by constructing neural pathways the quicker and more mindlessly it can be achieved the more you do a certain action you may need to learn self-discipline or even switch to meditation or consciousness to better control yourself but this lasting change will occur when you start to do so distinguishing how we can interpret body language and how you respond directly to a situation is crucial researchers can test and research how people react to photos and situations and get a good picture of what the average american or average person will do when they're happy frightened tired nervous etc it would then seem intuitively that if you could understand how the language of the body functions you might not be able to change this and therefore it may not be worth studying if you're a boss and everyone hates you because you're always upset it might mean you're going to have to take anger management classes because the problem isn't your body language it's just that your voice echoes an angry person's thoughts the problem is that you're getting angry inappropriately the story given from a body language research however offers a more detailed picture than this body language in the human body can cause a demonstrable chemical reaction what does that mean in experiments of high power or low power postures high power meaning you make yourself look big and confident and low power meaning you make yourself look small or timid it was found that just having a high power pose could elevate your testosterone while a low power pose could elevate cortisol levels when tested by low levels of cortisol testosterone is a hormone which drives you to take greater chances and project more strength cortisol is a hormone released when your body is under pressure so that certain types of body functions are put on the back burner so that your body can cope with the crisis at hand across similar tests with other body language styles such as laughing it was found that happy chemicals such as serotonin were released only by happy acting in response to artificial gestures these are not synthetic reactions they are real body reactions that will make you happier or more anxious or more tentative you've probably heard some of this before but what's important to understand here is that with practice and attention you will alter your attitude and this change of behavior can influence how you feel you can also learn to read body language on a smaller level to analyze different situations in your life which will allow you to have better strategies to connect with people and understand people at times when you can become blind to body language we now have a general idea of how body language works what we talk about when we talk about body language and how body language research can make us feel better about ourselves and communicate better and build better relationships with those around us once we discuss more thoroughly how the body works though it should be remembered what you should take away from learning body language and how it should actually be applied especially in the us there is an obsession with being optimistic extroverted and almost having a salesman's characteristics and all we do in life whether we're on a date trying to get our child into a school or i dare to say it being a businessman or saleswoman or trying to sell anything a lot of body language talk is sold as a way to become some form of hyper confident happy person as a way to drop a meeker or softer personality that is often considered to be a weaker way to live it's important to keep in mind that are loud and quiet ways to be strong happy or optimistic and it's important to remember that when you're thinking about interaction no pun intended there's no right way to do things you shouldn't try to use body language to become a hollywood picture of what a successful person is rather you should try to become an efficient version of who you really are in some language circles of the body you may be advised to fake it until you make it or fake it until you become it so for instance if you have to give a speech you'll behave as a confident person for body language then you will eventually become a confident person that's great advice but you can't forget that building trust isn't as good as having a reason to trust to order to stick to the example of speech it is most important to work out some excellent content for your speech and deliver it in a way that suits your personality becoming optimistic will help you make this dream a reality but you shouldn't try to act like a finger snapping motivational speaker like tony robbins or les brown if that's not how you'd speak in public of course in certain situations such as job interviews we can become so spellbound by the thought of using things like body language to do well that we fail to actually work on a successful curriculum vitae and figure out what we want to express in the interview positive body language is the product of a positive mind and you can use your body language knowledge to help make the case but you can't indeed be confident if you have no reason to be confident at the same time you don't have to be afraid that developing your understanding of body language will make you more artificial on the contrary you will be able to express yourself better by having stronger body language skills chapter one how does our body communicate you'll be given a guide of your body in this chapter and how each part of it expresses different feelings or thoughts to other people from your toes to your eyes it is possible to use this knowledge to understand other people but keep in mind that other people sometimes lie about their bodies often without realizing that they do it and different things can likely mean the same word tears are a classic example of a kind of body language that can mean a lot of different things although a person can still have the same glossy cheeks and stuff he knows try to consider how your own body language functions as you read through the section and begin to take note of it and learn how other people behave if you have a lot of self-awareness then maybe you should try seeing your body in motion when you laugh at a tv show try to see how you move your face and chest observing others is also very helpful in studying body language in different scenarios and circumstances particularly if they are not guarded and tired of being watched try to be realistic about what body language can achieve it may be that when they are nervous people show their fists but they may also have itchy wrists and not everyone is the same it's best not to judge others by their body language if you can stop it if someone in their face and shoulders is clearly annoyed with you so they say they can't be partisan appreciate what they're trying to do and try to find a solution to the source of their frustration rather than a conflict there are many different types of body language so it's worth starting by looking at how to break them down into ways to make them easier to understand we addressed intentional and unintentional movements at the start of this book and how much we actively manage while communicating such words will be used to differentiate between the forms of movements we know we do from those we may not be so sure of i can easily tell you that i was pointing my finger at you deliberately but i might fail to see my foot bouncing up and down because it was done involuntarily unintentional movements with this description include things like crossed arms head bobbing biting your lip and deep concentration or sitting in a chair these can of course be controlled actions but when we concentrate more on some other activity or action we actually want to think of them as being out of control in a natural state intentional movements of the body can be seen as an open palm that tells us to stop or three fingers that signify three minutes signs that can easily be converted into words for closer examination these movements can be further broken down we have release signals that are often seen in things like fidgeting and shaky knees that seek to release or relieve some sort of feeling as they try to remember you often see people tap their fingers together another example is the micro gesture these movements are the minute and delicate details that can be very hard to see the way an eyebrow rests on your head or in the wrinkles between your eyes a slight ripple of frustration another distinct gesture is the gestures of support these are the movements that are made very specifically to support what you say it goes from simple gestures such as holding hands apart to signify size or it could be a general hand waving to show excitement or strength often people wave their hands just because it helps people think about various neural pathways and stimulates them in a strange way it takes us to personal gestures gestures that will or will not be unique to that person that one individual will have personal gestures could be stuff like slicking a person's hair back when they're anxious false gestures are one of the trickier types not all gestures mean what they seem to mean a smile can mean please hurry up and go as easily as i'm glad you're here the last form of gesture is non-body gestures it involves gestures you are doing as well as gestures you are not doing personal space is an essential gesture for instance but it needs very little movement other examples of non-body gestures are the way you speak or even what you may look at the feet leg and posture we're going to start with your personal pillars the things that hold you standing up and automatically bring you into your stance and what it tells the world such body parts are essential to reading body language because people don't often regulate them apart from being often told to stand straight as a child people are not quite aware of how to stand or how to protect their feelings by adopting a specific stance that is more normal with hands and face but when you're wearing a uniform suit dress or when you're at an important event just think about how we pose or where we put our legs a bit you may even be a sign of lack of control or depression when you appear sunken or locked in it people walking faster than they usually do are one of the common symptoms of depression when one's posture a physical appearance reflects itself you know that the person normally feels a strong feeling if someone has started pushing the floor like a maniac you can interpret stress and rage built up as someone who is trying to scare you or someone who is releasing furthermore the happy and relaxed slouch is closely related to the sad slouch spotting the difference from the person's general energy is simple if the shoulders are pushed back and the mouth is closed somebody's happy about it if you're struggling to see their eyes they're probably sad when you feel sad you can go some way to counteract it by consciously breathing deeply and softly and attempting to dissolve your anger by looking outside of yourself and adopting a stance that opens your heart to the world and makes you stand taller it can convey a lot whether a person is just standing or sitting standing implies that a person is active and willing to start thinking or walking when you first sit down you rarely start something energetic this is useful to remember if you're meeting someone and trying to make a good impression if you're standing up if you're open to playing around with personal space and touch and if you're sitting down it helps you to use more powerful body language walking is a good way to use the vibrancy of standing and stimulates fast thinking in some and often makes the other person relaxed by preventing direct contact with the eyes it's also an excellent way to mimic someone else build relationships and exchange energy because you have to stick to a similar pace to walk with someone else sitting though is still a standard requirement in existence so you need to be mindful of what it's all about while seated it's possible to become too comfortable which could show to others that you're exhausted or unenthusiastic by flopping your arms around and tilting your head back if people are in this country you may need to approach them first because they most probably won't be disturbed power poses often come into play when you're sitting the same inward slouching is often a symbol of depression and powerlessness and something like rubbing your neck serves as diversion and appears to others to be particularly weak contrary to that it seems easier to stand up straight and spread yourself out often the more comfortable you feel the more confident you look it is often used by politicians and leaders like obama when you sit with knees crossed so that one foot hangs in the sky it can often be seen as a reflective pose in the right environment whether sitting or standing it's a good sign that you're interested in moving towards someone and the reverse means that you're not something like a shrug particularly if you are dismissive or deliberately uncommunicative can seem very soft and flip it but as with plenty of body language just because something may seem differential or soft doesn't mean it doesn't have other benefits a shrug can be a friendly and open way to say i don't know and it helps someone else to feel comfortable taking over the trick is to use a happy face and transparency to grin flung away from the body with open palms the arms and hands hands are among the most effective communication resources you have whole languages consist of simply different hand signals the weapons are also critical because they can bring people in or act as a barrier around you the weapons are the normal object to use when defending yourself if confronted by a loud noise you naturally bring them to your head and therefore people will see you as defensive when you adopt similar kinds of arm placements obviously hugging yourself is a sign of insecurity and crossing your arms is something that should almost always be avoided because people could find it cold or even violent it's often used to stay warm or because it's comfortable crossing your hands but it can also indicate you're not ready to help an alternative is the arms crossing where the thumb is pointed and the hands are slotted under the ring this can also be seen as a dominant stance almost as if you are punishing others it can be quite difficult to learn to stop closing your arms particularly if you are used to holding your hands in your pockets or crosstalk walking start carrying things hold a glass at a picnic holding an umbrella or keeping a pen at a meeting but don't fidget it's also helpful to wear layers in the winter it also shows you're prepared and it also helps you to stop shivering and warming up openness instead is the best way to bring your arms to other people opening your hands before you demonstrates that you're transparent and you don't have anything to conceal it wasn't just a joke to meet someone but it was to show the other group you weren't holding a knife behind your back if you can try talking with your hands you don't have to start making jazz hands but miming quietly what you're saying with your hands is often well received by others be vigilant when you're at your side with your feet stop slouching and if possible drag them around connecting with someone or breaking contact if done poorly is one of the best ways to do so in particular a region with all but family and friends is prohibited in areas such as eastern countries and some parts of europe touching outside of a quick handshake nonetheless you can include some touch elements to improve certain common touch styles for example a touch of closeness can be produced with the handshake on the shoulder or closing in with the other hand there's a lot of discussion about rough and soft handshakes but a strong but polite double pump shake with touching your hands webs is perfect in general nonetheless one thing to consider when touching others is how the superiority would work and this is not always a desirable quality after a handshake touching someone on the back may seem very corporate or cold if it's a more relaxed setting or among people who aren't familiar with such posturing that is why it is really important to analyze the audience the problem is that it can seem to be measuring and look as if you are attempting to create a relation artificially if you're with someone new and you're not sure how such a touch will be handled it's best to avoid reaching for touches it's something you have to learn with time to master the friendly shoulder pat with a colleague you don't want to have a reputation for being touchy feeful and there may be legal ramifications in such settings touching also suggests a kind of leadership or superiority that may not be accepted when you try to make friends with someone now let's look at the feet the open palm and open risks are a direct invitation with their palms and arms open over their head more dramatic styles may enter a room it may seem over the top but it's appealing right away as well with your palms down pointing to someone like a healer or a witch it may seem like a sign of hostility or superiority the point of the finger and repetitive rubbing of the hands are things to avoid a fast touch or clap of the hands is great for anticipation but don't go too far closing or locking your fingertips together often has an aura of villainy around it and placing your hands before you as in prayer can give you a sense of urgency try to understand the audience when it comes to using your hands to express things lots of handshaking and clapping will not work for a nervous or early morning crowd but in a tense talk they can be powerful energizers signals such as okay with your finger and thumb can sound a little cheesy and thumbs up can sound childish or patronizing try to be sensible and use your hands to express your message but if you are a seasoned hand waiver don't sacrifice your personality the head the head is one of the most important characteristics because when we look at another human it is one of the focus of attention it's quite amazing how we make eye contact with people immediately a little experiment you can do personally is to quickly glance at a light so that while you're in a crowded area you have the imprint of light in your vision please be careful not to gaze too long but what you will find is that when you look at people you are attracted to their eyes like a magnet the head itself is a significant place to make movements it's probably next to your hands the main physical tool you've got to show things the condition of droopiness in your head is an indicator of many things when you're depressed or contemplative you're going to arch your neck down and gaze at the floor looking up an eagle-eyed giving you a sense of power look up too far or too far in your face with your head pointing up and others may think you're arrogant thrust it further and your head becomes a gun showing people that you are angry and confrontational the neck extension indicates that you concentrate on a target and it could be an aggressive and threatening move looking back and forth can be a strong message of obedience to the speaker or man it's a look associated with kids and even worried dogs it's a gesture that's used a lot when you're told off and is never a successful way to engage with others unless you use it deliberately to try to massage their ego when people age it can almost appear disrespectful to use the submissive head bow signaling to the other individual that they are too harsh or that you will not engage them on an equal level telling someone off is one of the most powerful things that the head can do a slight head bow or a side incline along with large eyebrows that indicate disappointment when you deliberately avoid looking at someone when they make a suggestion it's also a strong indication that you're not in agreement with them turning away is also a way to put a wall between you and someone else it can either be offensive or different to someone else the shake of the head is another way to communicate intensely clearly nodding up and down is a way to answer a question but a subtle nod is a good way to tell someone you pay attention to some people like toys in a car window that fit well bob together a very fast-paced nod may be an indicator that you want the speaker to hurry up and agree with what they're saying the head nod is also vulnerable to faking if you don't get any verbal confirmation on what you're doing search for real engagement nodding your own head is a good way to reinforce what you're saying if you're providing orders then combining do not use fire escape except in an emergency with a subtle yet visible left and right head shake can be made stronger obviously people want to imitate you so giving people body language that they can mimic is a strong tool that also enhances a belief like any body language it can change what you think get someone to respond to something you said and get them to agree with you a teacher's favorite move is to give the eyes a half no expression with a quizzical look this is a subtle way of telling someone to correct themselves without questioning them directly suggesting that you think they have the solution or that you are waiting for them to come up with a response with which you agree a head toss is an obvious way to offend someone when followed by a sigh of disgust and a flip of hair it can be almost cartoonish a fast whip or head nod is a great way to say hello it gives attention but also discourages long conversation and is useful if you've forgotten a name you'll never forget a name once you've got your free bonus after the end or if you're in a rush when you lean to a nod you can have a how do you do think of it with a hat tip that could be cued if well pulled off boredom and curiosity are two kinds of expressions that you can read from your hands propping your head up with your hands can mean i'd rather be sleeping if your eyes are empty or darting or it can say i'm enraptured with your every word if you raise the chin up for a better view maybe even if you take notes of some kind to keep you from staring at what you're reading the face the face and one of the most valuable and challenging parts of the body to read is attached to that head of yours it's successful because it has plenty of chances to see new things hard because change is so quick it's also quite difficult to control your face especially if you're trying to do it consciously sometimes when you're trying to look fascinated or closed or impressed it's more successful to start trying to get really impressed if not with the individual at hand then something else is impressive it would take a long time to try and corner that person face mechanic so it's best to stick to and work around similar emotions note that there are many reasons with the eyes what might seem like ineffable irritation could be constipation depression is complicated because it is often not deliberately expressed and many forms of depression can also be simply anger directed at you sadness is often followed by averting eyes that suggest you don't look at them a hand that supports the head as it might drop away and the start of crying or heavy breathing and a face that usually records a blank expression there's little need to think of intense sorrow in the face as it's easy to read frustration shares quite a few similar notes such as a blank face but often the gridding of teeth is seen general frustration may promote the avoidance of eye contact but when it's focused on you it's likely that you can read it pulling a baby's face is a strong indication that somebody's mad controlling the breathing deliberately is a sign that somebody is battling the rage while tense sorrow is often accompanied by a slack mouth suggesting a lack of control a pair of focused eyes fixed on you is an indicator of a situation's control and dominance as well cutting eye contact tries to leave a situation it can say a lot of things and if someone hides an emotion like sorrow it might be a little cry for help this indicates frustration if you have strained or closed lips or if you hold anything off it's not always a bad thing to be nervous though if you see a pout somebody will probably be quite angry with you first lips can mean someone is slightly annoyed or maybe just deep in thought it's good to look at the eyebrows a pursed lip is usually more likely to be angry when directed at you however relaxed and vacant eyebrows may be due to concentration happiness is one of the easiest and safest feelings to recognize at least someone is still a little happier if you get it right the difference between a real smile and a fake smile is more difficult to spot but you can feel the difference in your face just by making yourself laugh and then giving a fake smile real smiles are not often as extreme or toothy and in the jaw and back of the throat natural smiles are felt more the eyes are also important because if someone is really happy or not you can see in a board expression also a fake smile can cause the eyes to squint more because the muscles are controlled instead of falling into place naturally but don't look too much down on a fake smile as it shows willingness to do so some may not regard attraction as an emotion on their own but it is an important element of reading a face and most people are interested in it when someone is very interested in you or something their eyes will be wide open almost as if they were an excited cat they will lean their head towards a person and they will not be forced or shy pupils may also expand and if so there is definitely some sort of fascination or evidence of recent use of drugs a long fixated gaze suggests interest and if you notice contact with your eyes that means contact with your eyes was most likely intentionally made some people prefer a more subtle side look that indicates that you're going to have to approach the guy nevertheless a side look can also be a sign that they don't pay attention making eye contact regularly is an obvious sign of attraction for many people eye contact is very important many studies show that it is crucial in many western nations to build trust and attraction but don't be too quick to start looking down at people if it makes you uncomfortable it's not always better to look nervous and anxious blinking a lot is usually a sign of nervousness but it also indicates more focus people are struggling to tell the difference between real eye contact and someone staring at the front so if you think you need to pay more attention then feel free to look at it instead a slightly open mouth may also indicate interaction with someone else the kind of smile you got can be significant if it's too bright tight or mild then it can be seen as a gentle let down a slightly lower jawline and open mouth is a public smile that invites others to agree with something in terms of sly flirtation the side view is matched only by the side smile faking body language a common question is is it possible to falsify the language of your own body the general answer to this question is no due to the lack of continuity that is likely to occur in the use of the main movements the micro signals of the body and the words spoken for example open palms are synonymous with sincerity but his micro gestures give him away when the faker holds out his palms and smiles at you as he tells a lie his pupils may contract an eyebrow may raise or his mouth's corners may twitch and the open palm gesture and the genuine smile contradicts these signals as a consequence the receiver does not tend to believe what he says the human mind tends to have a fail-safe system that tracks tilt when it receives a set of non-verbal signals that are incongruent nonetheless there are some instances where body language is intentionally distorted to reap any benefits take the miss world and miss universe competition for example where each contestant uses practice body movements to give the impression of warmth and sincerity to the degree that each contestant can transmit these signals the judges can score points but even the experts will only be able to fake body language for a short period of time and inevitably the body must produce signals that are independent of conscious actions most politicians are experts at faking body language to get people to believe what they're doing and it's said that the politician who can do this successfully has charisma the head is more often used to cover up deception than any other part of the body in an attempt to cover up we use smiles nods and wings but sadly for us our body signals tell the truth and our body movements and facial signals lack congruence face signals analysis is an art in itself in this book little room is dedicated to it and i recommend robert l white side's face language for more information about it to sum up it's difficult to falsify body language for a long time but as we're going to discuss it's good to learn and use constructive transparent gestures to interact with others and avoid movements that could be negative signals this can make being with people more relaxed and make you more attractive to them how to tell lies successfully lying's challenge is that the subconscious mind works unconsciously and independently of our verbal deception and our body language gives us a way that's why people who never tell lies are caught easily no matter how convincing they can sound the moment they start to lie the body sends out conflicting signals which gives us the impression that they don't tell the truth the subconscious mind sends out nervous energy during the lie which appears as a gesture capable of contradicting what the individual has said many people whose jobs include lying such as politicians attorneys actors and television marketers have perfected their body movements to the point where it's hard to tell the deception and people fall for it hook line and sinker in one of two forms they refine their movements first once they say the lie they practice what they think like the right movements but this is only effective when they have practice for long periods of time telling other lies second most movements can be omitted so that they do not use any positive or negative gestures when lying but this is also very hard to do when an opportunity presents itself try this simple test tell your friend a deliberate lie and make a conscious effort to hide all body movements when your body sees the other person in full view most micro gestures will still be transmitted even when the major body movements are deliberately blocked these include facial muscle twitching pupil expansion and contraction brow sweating cheek flushing increased eye blinking rate and many other minute movements indicating deception studies using slow motion cameras reveals that these micro gestures can happen within a split second and it is only people like trained interviewers sales people and those we consider perceptive who are able to see them clearly during a conversation or negotiation those who acquire the subconscious ability to read the micro gestures during face-to-face experiences are the best interviewers and salespeople it is clear though that you must have your body concealed or out of view in order to be able to lie effectively that's why police interrogation means putting the suspect in the open on a chair and placing him under the lights with his face in full view of the interrogators his lies are much easier to see in such situations it's easier to tell lies of course if you're sitting behind a desk where your face is partly concealed or peering over a wall or a closed door over the phone is the best way to lie chapter 2 the basics of body language there are those of us who raise their hands in fear and argue that studying body language is just another form of using scientific knowledge by interpreting their secrets or thoughts to manipulate or control others this book aims to give the reader more insight into connecting with his fellow human beings so that he can have a better understanding of other people and thus of himself learning how something works makes it easier to deal with while lack of knowledge and ignorance fosters mistrust and superstition and makes us more critical of others a bird watcher is not observing birds so that they can be shot down and kept as trophies likewise the learning of non-verbal communication knowledge and skills is used to make any interaction with another person an enjoyable experience originally designed as a working manual for sales representatives sales managers and executives this book has been extended in the 10 years it has taken to study and compile it in such a way that anyone irrespective of their vocation or position in life can use it to gain a better understanding of the most dynamic occurrence in life a face-to-face experience with someone else from a technical point of view if we call someone perceptive or intuitive we refer to their ability to read the nonverbal signs of another person and equate these indications with verbal signals in other words when we say that we have a hunch or a good feeling that someone tells us a lie we just mean that they don't agree with their body language or their expressions this is also what speakers call the consciousness of the audience or a group associated for example if the audience sat back in their seats with chins down and arms crossed around their neck a perceptive speaker would get a hunch or think his delivery wasn't going through he would become conscious that to achieve the attention of the audience he had to take a different approach furthermore a speaker who was not perceptive would irrelevantly blunder women are generally more perceptive than men and this has resulted in what is commonly called women's intuition women have an inherent ability to capture and interpret nonverbal cues and have a keen eye for small details that's why few husbands can lie and get away with their wives and why conversely most women can pull the wool over the eyes of a person without knowing it for women who have brought up young children this feminine instinct is particularly evident the mother relies solely on the non-verbal medium to connect with the baby for the first few years and this is believed to be the reason why women often become more perceptive negotiators than men most of the basic signs for human communication are the same throughout the world we smile when people are happy we smile or skull when they're sad or angry nodding the head is used to signify yes or affirmation almost universally this appears to be a form of head lowering and is likely an inborn movement as deaf and blind people also use it it is also common to turn the head from side to side to signify no or negation and may well be a movement learned in childhood he turns his head from side to side when a baby has had enough milk to refuse the breast of his mother when the young child has enough to eat he shakes his head from side to side to avoid the effort by his parent to feed him with spoon and thus quickly learns to use the motion of head shaking to indicate disapproval or a negative attitude many movements may trace the evolutionary roots to our primitive animal history bearing the teeth is derived from the attacking act and is still being used in the form of a sneer or other such offensive movements by modern man even though he will not strike his teeth smiling was originally a sign of threat but it is done today to show joy in tandem with non-threatening gestures the shoulder shrug is also a good example of a common gesture used to demonstrate that a person doesn't know what you're talking about or understand it is a complex movement that has three main parts palms open shoulders hunched and brow lifted just as verbal language is different from culture to culture so can non-verbal language be different as well whereas in a particular culture one gesture may be popular and have a simple sense in another culture it may be irrelevant or even have a completely opposite meaning take the social meanings and consequences for example of three specific hand gestures the ring gesture the thumbs up and the v symbol in helping us to shape fast impressions non-verbal signals play a key role the ability to do this is one of the basic instincts for survival but not all our first experiences are correct as inherent as the skill may be while our brains are hardwired to respond instantly to certain nonverbal signals the circuitry was set up long ago when our ancient ancestors faced threats and obstacles that were very different from those we face in modern society today today life is more dynamic with social constraint layers and ambiguous interpretations contributing to the intricacies of our interpersonal relationships this is particularly true in organizational environments where corporate culture adds its own complexities a unique array of behavioral limitations and guidelines while first impressions may not always be correct by filtering your impressions through the five c's context clusters congruence continuity and culture you may enhance your ability to read someone's body language understanding the context of a situation picture this scene it's a cold free winter night with a light snowfall and a blowing north wind you see a woman sitting on a bench at a bus stop you know she's a co-worker her head is down her eyes tightly closed and she's hunched over slightly shivering and embracing now the scene is changing in the same physical position it's the same girl but instead of sitting on a bench outside she is seated in the office next to yours behind a chair the expression of her body is the same head down eyes closed slumped over shivering and cuddling herself the nonverbal signals are the same but the interpretation of those signals has been altered by the new setting she left to tell you in a flash i am called to say i am in pain as the context shifts the sense of nonverbal interaction varies place counts just like in real estate without considering the circumstances under which the conduct happened we cannot begin to understand someone's actions the message sent by the body language of that woman changed dramatically as shown by our example depending on whether she was sitting outside in the cold or alone in her office and some situations require more formal actions that in any other environment could be interpreted very differently as people interact much of the context is dictated by the relationship with each one the same men talking to a customer his supervisor or subordinate may show very different body language time of day assumptions based on past experiences and whether communication happens in a public or private setting all these variables form the context in which body language occurs and need to be taken into account when assessing meaning the aim is to assess the appropriateness of nonverbal actions to the context in which they occur understanding clusters or closeness nonverbal signals are found in a cluster of gestures a collection of expressions postures and behaviors that illustrate a common point a single gesture can have multiple meanings or mean nothing at all sometimes a cigar is just a cigar but the meaning becomes clearer when you pair the single gesture with other nonverbal signals for any number of reasons a man might cross his arms but when the gesture is combined with a scowl a head shake and legs turned away from you you've got a composite picture and encouragement to infer he's resistant to anything you've just suggested please try to check for conduct clusters the cumulative action of an individual is far more telling than a single independently perceived gesture a smart director i know starts every meeting of staff by taking off his jacket and selects a chair at the middle of the conference table not at the head such actions alone would send an informal message but the rest of his movements bring home the point the director leans forward with an expression of interest in his face whenever someone talks in the session nods approvingly and gives the speaker full eye contact symbolically this cluster of movement sets the stage for just what he intends to be the meeting a rank-free exchange of ideas and questions understanding congruence harmony or agreement a classic study by dr albert morabian at the university of california in los angeles found that the overall impact of a text is focused on seven percent of words used 38 percent tone of voice and 55 facial expressions hand gestures body position and other types of nonverbal communication you can't of course watch a person speaking in a foreign language and understand 93 of what's being communicated moravian studied only the communication of feelings particularly feelings of like and dislike however you can bet that when the verbal and nonverbal communication channels are out of sync people especially women tend to rely on non-verbal message and neglect the verbal material you see it corroborated in their body language when thoughts and words are in tune that is when people believe what they say their movements and actions correspond with what is being said you can also see in congruence where movements contradict words a side to side head shake when saying yes or someone frowns and looks at the floor while telling you that she is happy incongruence is not a sign of deliberate deception but of an inner conflict between what someone feels and what they say understanding how consistency works with body language you need to know the basic actions of a person under relaxed and relatively stress-free circumstances so that you can contrast it with the expressions of movements that occur when stressed what is his usual way to look around sit down stand when he's relaxed when discussing a non-threatening subject how does he respond understanding the pattern of somebody's behavior increases the ability to spot significant variations one of the techniques used for detecting dishonesty by seasoned police interrogators is to pose a series of non-threatening questions when watching how the subject behaves when there is no reason to lie the officers then look for changes in non-verbal actions that suggest deceit at key points when the more complicated issues are addressed we're always running into problems trying to assess the reliability of someone we've met the following is an example of what happened to me a couple of years ago i gave a presentation to a financial services company's chief executive officer ceo describing a speech i was expected to deliver the next day to his leadership team and that didn't go well our meeting lasted nearly an hour and the ceo sat closely crossed his arms at the conference table throughout the entire time of encouragement he didn't smile or not once he said thank you without eye contact when i finished and left the room since i am a specialist in body language i am sure that his nonverbal contact was telling me that my dedication to communicating would be cancelled but when i walked up to the elevator the assistant to the ceo came up to tell me how pleased my presentation was with her boss i was shocked and asked how if he didn't like it he would have responded huh the assistant said her eyes confirming she had seen the reaction before in the middle of your speech he'd got up and walked out the only nonverbal signals i got from the ceo were those i considered negative what i didn't realize is that this was a normal behavior for this guy understanding why culture affects body language our cultural heritage affects all nonverbal communication for now it is important to understand that you should realize how much pressure the person is under when reading body language that's because the higher the emotional level the greater the likelihood of cultural specific movements occurring therefore the many subcultures of which we are a member influence body language take for example posture ballet dancers are taught to keep chest forward their bodies so you will often see them standing together with their heels and toes pointing a modified first position many of the office staff are round shouldered from hours been hunched over their keyboards with a slight sag in the head military personnel often take a back to back spine straight posture long after their service tour is over many people from different parts of the world can also make very different use of their bodies take for example a typical new yorker's fast-paced walk and compare it with someone from the south slower gate or consider the potential variations in body language between a prototypically reserved and formal new englander and is more relaxed counterpart in california the more you learn about the history habits and preferences of an individual the more you can understand why some movements or postures are part of their particular repertoire and why deviation from these patterns is important persons often change postures when subjects are moved in my counseling practice when talking about their mom i would often see clients take one stance and a completely different stance when talking about their father chapter 3 using body language for good communication in real life the primary reason you need to know about body language is so you can communicate better so some of the dots are linked in this chapter so you can see how best to do this one of the most important things to remember is that others see you as you see yourself enhancing your mood by positive body language is the key ingredient to good communication nonetheless there are ways we can be mindful when it comes to using our bodies to communicate conversation and rapport building a bond with a new person or establishing ties with old friends is the most important part of building a good relationship it's something in body language circles that's talked about a lot because it's the main goal of most experiences when you're in a good relationship you're going to respond well to the body language of the other person and you're going to want to be with each other instantly whether it's in a professional or personal capacity so how do you build a relationship without a natural spark or common ground you do this with a body language style known as mirroring or matching mirroring and matching is quite literally what it sounds like you mimic another person's body language so you can create a connection right away and make it simple people tend to like a similar wavelength and familiar attitude spending time with others this will obviously be created by keeping the bodies in harmony you need to look at how an individual behaves and acts in order to do this are they closed open should they talk quickly or slowly what are the styles of hand gestures they use seek even to see how easily they breathe and what kind of personal body space they prefer then you can try to copy it don't try to mimic some kind of groucho marks but just take a similar pose naturally so you're as comfortable or on the edge as they are if they use big arm motions then try to do the same thing do try to match the pace and tone they speak don't try to match their accent but stop using fancy words if they don't use them for example if the other party is using the word fascinating don't start using marvelous to explain the same thing just use fascinating and it will make the other party feel like you're closer to them you will find that you can actually start leading by doing this so that after a short amount of time they start copying you there are things about which you must be vigilant here if someone else is slouching and gloomy then copying might not benefit them absolutely instead you should take a similar approach so that they can begin to act more like you then open it up and try to smile similarly if they seem hostile or antagonistic towards you then strive not to imitate them but also avoid attempting to antagonize them by taking the higher road with a more uplifting body language form by being cool and not manipulating or feeding another's rage a good understanding of body language would actually allow you to disperse such a situation it is also important to remember that it is only a small part of the battle to imitate their body you need to have some substance to what you're saying or else they might be puzzled as to why someone they're struggling to speak to copies their every move try to return to the person later when you have more resources if things are still not normal the next time you're out for lunch shopping or train a good exercise look at other people who chat or just sit next to each other and maybe strangers you will note that they relate to the positions of their arms and legs the speed and intensity at which they are speaking as well as how immediately after the other party will follow suit if one party moves in a certain direction people make a general mistake when they first encounter someone they are trying to connect with their words by finding common grounds only after this initial connection is established through verbal communication can people then get in touch on a non-verbal level the key is to build relationships first through body language on a non-verbal level and then move through verbal communication into building relationships another great exercise to do the next time you speak to someone whether there's someone you've known for a long time or just met note the body language of each other and you will know whether or not you're in a relationship usually after five to ten minutes of conversation some sort of nonverbal relationship will be formed if you do you will start leading in the mirroring and matching or as they call it entrainment what this means is that you can move your arm or leg in a certain position or movement and continue with the conversation as soon as you realize that the other party has unintentionally changed into the same gesture or posture this is relationship strength breathing in harmony with the other party is the best mirror that can build relationships in a business or social setting this may be much harder to do but it is the most effective and discreet move to imitate with your significant other this is only used for the bathroom check it out and thank me later breathing in unison doesn't just mean the same number of breaths but also where the other person breathes in the body whether shallow breathing to the chest or deep breathing to the abdomen should they breathe through the mouth or through the nose in what way do they inhale or exhale another important factor to consider is proximity each has different levels of comfort depending on how near or distant others are in contact with each other we all know the one person who loves to stand up in our face and spit on us literally as they speak but there are others who are more comfortable talking at a distance where we can barely touch them with our hands physical touch is the second strongest way to build relationships which can build more relationships than anything you've ever written nonetheless this is more difficult to apply in a job environment you might want to save this for later until you are more suited and confident to use it in social settings if you're on the phone a lot then you're going to want to concentrate more on the auditory elements including voice tone speed rhythm volume jargon and keywords dating and relationship reporting in a date is vital but it's also crucial that you don't live in your head and just copy your friend mirroring is best done when something doesn't fit well and you note that you're out of sync physically but don't necessarily test their actions and mirror everything they do you can try to be yourself as much as you can because it's nice to have plenty of give and take in a relationship you don't just want to imitate them a strong communication however will ensure that things go smoothly if it's good to look for encouraging signs on a date and if things feel like they're going well then go on the same path but don't just repeat yourself or you risk alienating or upsetting the person you're with one of the most dangerous considerations in evaluating a date is that many of the positive behaviors like playing with hair or shyness can also be indicators of discomfort or dissatisfaction you should be able to pick out whether these things are good or bad depending on whether they are geared towards or away from you and whether there is power and joy that reciprocates them like with many of these guidelines on body language it's best to focus on yourself when you feel a lot of disconnect and then take further steps to reflect and observe once people connect synchronization is very normal so don't feel like it has to happen if it isn't when you try so hard to connect with someone maybe it wasn't meant to be in business and job interviews good practice and business meetings and job interviews follows many of the trends discussed here already such as good eye contact good standing or sitting posture and not rubbing your eyes or fidgeting nonetheless when actually in an interview there is a deliberate power play to bear in mind you need power and confidence to plan but you also need to stroke your colleagues and potential employers ego when going to the meeting when walking up to the building keep a good posture and when sitting down take up more space than normal without being annoying and maintain an upright posture it is very good to take on power positions research has shown that performing power poses with testosterone and cortisol for a few minutes at a time produces biological effects at a hormonal level increasing the latter and arising from bad poses and increasing the former from power poses leading to greater confidence when you're in the interviewer's house make sure you're reading how they're doing in reality most interviewers feel very nervous and are happy that you're taking charge of the discussions and directing them in the right direction that's not always the case but don't always presume that they're in charge and don't want you to be in the role whether or not you're expected to mimic in this situation can be difficult to judge because you want to build a good level of partnership because you definitely don't want to look weak or disrespectful when they're confident and assertive yet you don't want to announce that you're fair if they don't think that's the case yet and just because they're comfortable doesn't mean you're supposed to be the same the most important thing to remember is to keep constant contact with the face and eyes without scaring the other person and keep a good stance on the ground with your feet attached hold your breathing steady and let your hands talk a lot as long as they don't shake like wind leaves whatever you do remember to schedule the interview correctly and maintain a good degree of charm and language of the body throughout the interview chapter 4 communicating with passion and excitement so many business thinkers pride themselves on the virtues of working day with a sense of high energy optimism and a fire in your heart for the job you're doing and great business minds for example investor warren buffett listed by forbes in 2008 as the world's richest individual says of the perfect colleague or employee i'm looking for a person who's excited about the work strong communicators it's easy for many people to get enthusiastic about their sports team it's easier for even more people to get passionate about music and it's hard for a relationship some people just love the food and drink they eat every day eventually though most of us spend most of our time at work and you may be passionless for much of that time if you want to be successful and powerful enthusiasm will be one of the key ways to get everyone on board inspired and actively involved in the work you need to do to help build your inspiring vision in presenting motivated trustworthy and enthusiastic business body language you'll need to be able to enroll others in your winning dream we need to introduce you to passion right now by introducing you to the passion plane a horizontal plane of gestures that lifts you to a degree of inspiration while you talk to an audience by bringing out the flame in the hearts of other people you know you may be trustworthy and so trustworthy and you may be driven and inspiring but that doesn't mean that anyone does anything for you if you want to be able to motivate others into action you need to be enthusiastic about what you're saying this theory explains why you can be on target in a workplace on a campaign or during a sales call but you don't get any results because the message itself isn't enough to generate action to make us move we have to be inspired to a desire create your excitement and you can create a strong sense of motivation for practice and you will know that this is a thought not a mental state for those of you who have ever desired anything in your life not wanted or needed but desired and this desire is generated by the enthusiasm that you the speaker convey in the audience let's look at this feeling of emotion first of all and find out exactly what it is understand how and why it happens and learn what it feels like so we can replicate it on our own we need to explore enthusiasm so that we can appreciate the advantages and disadvantages of stirring it up and learn how to harness it within ourselves using it most efficiently to encourage others to share in our joy and inspire them in the most professional way passion the word passion is most likely derived from the latin party which means to suffer a scene for example in the christian church where the story of the crucifixion of jesus is known as the passion the words common martyr interpretation is that it signifies intense feeling and can be extended to any emotion you can be emotional in all sorts of ways intensely angry or passionately in love indeed you can be passionate and intense about any human known emotion and there are many many feelings let's look at some for a more complete understanding of passion take the example of love which we may claim embraces the more nuanced subtle and intense attraction emotions and perhaps even lust and within love the more complex and implicit states such as adoration fondness desire tenderness or empathy may have been felt and seen in others also therefore one sensation has many more aspects or sub feels over the years many psychological and social scientists have come up with their own list of the emotions and what they look like there is one list however that should stand out for any universal body language student the list suggested by dr paul ekman a psychologist who has been a pioneer in the study of emotions and their relationship with facial expressions since 1954. he is considered to be one of the 20th century's 100 most influential psychologists global emotions and universal feelings through his work around the world ekman found that many emotional facial expressions are not social but universal and therefore biological in origin the facial expressions he found to be uniformly the same include those expressing rage disgust fear excitement sadness and surprise dr ekman and his relevance to the world of body language is more to come about but for now it is enough to remember that all these emotions conveyed by facial manipulations can be powerful and passionate and as ekman has discovered they can be communicated universally the important thing for our business purposes is to know how to properly express our feelings with an audience give our listeners enough strength of feeling that they feel compelled to join in and go for our passion that is we have to make our passion their passion and inspire them to move with it let's take a psychological look at this issue and see how the body can be used as a solution learn to speak from your heart take a closer look at how this horizontal movement rate switches immediately look how the voice's pitch has risen dramatically notice also the increased upward inflection of the voice which suggests non-verbally that there is still more to come this creates tension and suspense allowing an audience to be drawn into the sound to hear it to be completed with a downward tonality it's over you instigate the audience members to demand the completion of the musical cadence by using this intonation and they will be hooked until they are fulfilled do you also feel more suspended in your body when you have your hands up gesturing in the chest area there may be a feeling of something is about to happen the mirroring and copying you are now aware of anticipating from your listeners also causes their breathing to be stopped they're looking for a deep breath now and will stay hooked by you before you let them off the hook by offering a strong breath into an action direction and with all the energy that this government has built up in them there is an energy surplus that they need to spend with intervention or face a toxin buildup the call for action is all the reason that the body needs to regain its emotional equilibrium by getting up for it managing from the chest area simply increases your level of oxygen and thus your level of power pumping the blood from your lungs and causing those around you to do the same that's why i call this field the passion plane chapter 5 understanding the importance of zones and territories like many animals people claim identify and protect areas of their own species against other individuals the three zones of defense the most animal defense area can be divided into three zones the area around the body immediately the nest where the animal raises its young and the feeding ground or territory within the animal's home range as it looks for food or a mate to humans these three areas relate loosely to personal space house and if any yard nevertheless our concerns here are with the ways in which gesture and attitude betray the proprietary feelings of someone warning off signals for an object or person and with personal space their preservation and the adjustment of the individual to their loss personal territory animals become far more braver and hostile on their own territory than outside they are hostile to an intruder and they can struggle to force it out even if the attacker is tougher the owner of the territory appears to fight with more courage and trust and usually wins in their home ground too humans feel more powerful than outside accordingly a visitor invited to an away match in someone's house or a football fan may well be in a disadvantage warning others off continued territorial disputes would make life impossible while adopting generally accepted codes of conduct most animals avoid fighting a bird is singing to assert dominance over a clump of trees a mammal can mark the boundaries of his territory with a special scent gland with urine feces or scent such noises and sense are known and obeyed by most potential intruders as holding out signals when they wander across an invisible boundary the resident can conduct a ritualized threat demonstration instead of attacking immediately which will scare them away before any blood is shed so it's just men to prove that they are ours we add personal touches to our home and other belongings then other people stay away when we welcome them in we act in subtly oppressive ways and they feel compelled to behave less openly in their own homes than they would the exceptions to these daily laws are burglaries and violent privacy invasions showing ownership we use postures and movements to show that we are claiming someone or something we consider our personal territory below are some common examples of patented postures and gestures a woman who wants to make her husband's relationship clear to the spectators the loop her hand through her arm as they go for a walk one through putting an arm around her shoulders a husband might display his wife's ownership in a public place someone posing with his or her new car for a photograph in which he or she is eager to show possession might put a hand on his roof or a foot on his bumper in a proprietary way a householder speaking to someone at the door is likely to rely on the doorpost two a business executive can signal ownership of and ease in a workspace by sitting across the arm of an office chair with a leg or resting both feet on the office desk three or an open desk drawer personal spatial zones we are also jealous of the room that instantly surrounds us as well as making our control of things or people visible to others everyone is trying to keep an invisible space bubble or space zone around us in neutral ground many people respect the private zones of each other and take care to stay out of them even though we are sociable creatures the five spatial zones five localized spatial zones influencing behavior have been identified by human behavior students the near intimate private social and public areas the zone extent given here represents studies conducted in the world's largely urban english speaking regions one close intimate zone zero to six inches typically a person allows only a partner or close friend or relative to come this close to him or her and then only because they are about to contact him or her when someone who doesn't like or doesn't know the intimate area invades very well the emotional reactions of the individual may be amplified two intimate sewn six inches to one foot six inches an individual voluntarily allows a partner or near friend or relative to pursue this yet keeping this space free of strangers is typically key to the comfort and safety feeling of an individual if someone is unfamiliar with him or her or does not like moving within the personal area he or she may feel stressed the body can undergo changes automatically ready to deal with an unwanted sexual experience or physical attack three personal zone one foot six inches to four feet this is how the majority of westerners like to stand apart when speaking to each other at an office party or some other social event a among new acquaintances standing any closer would seem unduly friendly b but standing any farther apart would also seem wrong c because while an individual may subconsciously feel threatened if someone is too close to him or her if they are too far away the person may also feel rejected it represents the competitive and sociable nature of human beings 4. social area 4 to 12 feet this area is farther from the body despite its name than the private zone used by people chatting at a party when clients or customers speak to shop assistants or trades people the social area can be seen working in stores on the road or at home if some kind of business based contact takes place the social area tends to be adopted 5. public zone 12 plus feet when a person speaks to a large audience he or she appears to be at least so far from the front line cultural differences the amount of personal space we need also varies with the part of the world we are brought up into people from different cultural backgrounds when they speak tend to stand at different distances below are some examples of these variations if two north americans or western europeans chat one might touch the other with an outstretched arm's fingertips if two russians talk one might contact the other with an extended arm's wrist if two latin americans italians or arabs talk with an elbow one might strike the other english-speaking people japan and northern europe tend to avoid casual contact in particular people from china france india and ireland embrace some casual touching men in latin america the caribbean the middle east russia and parts of asia prefer to practice casual contact openly as some of these examples of potential scenarios demonstrate when people from two cultures interact their different spatial needs and perceptions may cause some embarrassment chatting distances at international meetings of scholars entrepreneurs or diplomats uncomfortable situations can occur when someone from a culture of wrist length has a conversation with a person from a culture of arm length if the individual's closer touch moves closer the other person will feel threatened and draw back from intrusion to protect his or her personal space this invasion and retreat can continue until a wall or other barrier prevents the retreating person from moving back or until the interaction ends greetings a latin american can greet with a hug a foreign business colleague to the confusion of that person if he or she comes from north america friendly intentions if a new and friendly arab business friend chooses to take his hand as they walk down a road a european businessman visiting an arab country may be alarmed shaking hands a korean businessman conditioned to avoid touching her eye contact would probably feel awkward if his western counterpart were to grab the korean firmly by the hand and look straight into his or her face maintaining personal space once people start gathering in a band they usually have to change their expectations about how much space they need to hold when strangers crowd in around them note how human behavior is affected by the system in everyday situations like those provided below at a hairdresser shop a hairdresser has a line of waiting customer seats if the first customer is sitting at one end of the row it is possible that the next customer will sit halfway therefore the second person does not feel uncomfortably close to the first person but far enough off to not feel isolated and look standoff if a third customer sits at the other end a fourth is likely to sit halfway between the middle customer and one of the ends as more people come in the consumer differences continue to shrink until some are forced to sit next to each other similar behavior tends to take place in a waiting room for a doctor a movie theater a bus or a plane on a cue people stand as if they were separating them from those in front and behind in invisible space bubbles if a line is viewed from one side it appears to divide people from each other much the same length if space is limited the bubbles of space will shrink adjusting to lost personal space keeping space bubbles intact is sometimes difficult people sit or stand so close together in a crowded elevator escalator bus or subway car that their bodies sometimes touch normally when strangers came close to an adult he or she would feel stressed enough to make the body undergo physiological changes to prepare it for fighting or running chapter six understanding gestures for analyzing others to avoid wrongful interpretation of other people's gestures it might be best to practice some facial expressions and hand movements are discussed here as well as their meanings many body parts large and small representing body language follow a checklist the chapter ends by explaining that many of our acts are done automatically so we don't know exactly what we are doing how to learn body language set aside at least 15 minutes a day to learn and read other people's gestures as well as to become mindful of your own gestures anywhere people meet and connect is a good reading area an airport is a particularly good place to watch the whole spectrum of human feelings as people express freely by gestures eagerness rage sorrow joy impatience and many other emotions there are also excellent social events business meetings and parties you can go to a party after learning the art of body language sit alone in a corner all night like a wallflower and have an exciting time just watching the patterns of other people's body language therefore television offers an excellent way to learn non-verbal communication turn the sound down and try to understand what's going on by looking at the picture first through turning the sound up every five minutes you'll be able to check how correct your nonverbal readings are and as deaf people do you'll be able to watch a whole show without any noise there are at least six facial expressions found all over the world indicating that they are inborn rather than learned they are happiness sadness surprise fear anger and disgust to send a distinctive and instantly identifiable signal each word requires a combination and an incredibly subtle rearrangement of features the three individually mobile areas of the face concerned are the forehead and the eyebrows the ears eyelids and the upper or heart part of the nose and the lower face which comprises the remainder of the nose the neck the mouth and the chin note the expressions mentioned below are those that can accompany feelings that are very intense rather than subtle so let's analyze some basic expressions and then later analyze some more complicated expressions happiness and joy although this is not an exclusive indication of joy the most noticeable indicator of this feeling is a smile smiling affects your mouth and the bottom of your head one eyes the lower eyelids are raised slightly with the wrinkles beneath them at the outside corners of your eyes the feet of crow can crinkle the air two mouth as the corners of your lips travel out and up your mouth lengthens your lips can separate enough usually your upper teeth a strong smile often produces a pair of lines that extend to your nose from outside the edges of your mouth three cheek your cheeks are rising and bulging many high enough to make your eyes wider and show the lines of the mouth to the nose and the feet of the crow sadness one mouth sadness is usually betrayed by the mouth which appears to fall into the corners thereby emphasizing the faces normally loose and unified presence if you're on the brink of shedding tears the lips can quiver two eyebrows in the forehead the inner ends of the eyebrows may rise in such a way that the space between them the root of the nose and the eyes becomes triangular there may be minor lines over this triangular shape in the center of your forehead three eyes these may shine with tears that are unshed surprise one forehead and eyebrows your eyebrows curl and shoot upward when you're shocked and your forehead's wrinkles corrugate across its length eyes your eyes whites are shown as you open your eyes wide three mouth lowers your jaw slightly open your mouth fear when you're scared parts of your face respond as oddly as they do but there are subtle differences in most parts of the world one eyebrows and forehead rise and draw your eyebrows together they seem to be a little less rounded than in a surprised expression your forehead furrows once again but this time not across its length two eyes your upper eyelids rise and the whites of your eyes are exposed your lower eyelids relax and fall three mouth you can close your lips tightly around your open mouth anger one eyebrows when you are frustrated the muscles pull down and inward your eyebrows and the skin between them is formed by vertical wrinkles two eyes widen as the eyelids move closer to each other the eyes are looking hard and staring and maybe they're also protruding three mouth it is possible that your lips will be tightly closed and flat turned down at the corners and tightly opened as if in a yell four nose many angry people are exposing their nostrils disgust one eyes the lower eyelids rise and the lines appear below them in the body two mouth nose and cheeks fold your nose and lift your cheeks upwards you can lift both of your lips or just your upper lip lowering your lower lip creating a slight pound next up we will discuss tips for successfully reading people let's go chapter 7 tips for reading and analyzing people you can find that this is a vital skill in your personal and business life as you learn to read people if you concentrate on friendship work parenting or dating learning to read people provides you with an opportunity to develop valuable insights and make sound choices someone suggests that there is no easy way to learn about people reading that's real training can take some time but you may be able to look at someone quickly after training and get a good sense of who they are and what they want gain an understanding of others you will understand yourself better if you spend time trying to know others first you have to realize the walls that people are building up and also the obstacles that you have set in your way the reality only comes to light in layers as people reveal themselves to others the first layer is when you're a stranger the layer people show you they may be sitting at a bus stop with you or in a different setting topics include current events in the climate some innocent topics many people talk about them easily the second layer if they feel comfortable with you is the one people show co-workers will share more about themselves with you if they understand you a little bit we can talk about their thoughts on other broad topics regarding emotions for those with intimate relationships with you the third private layer is kept in reserve it involves close friends and partners these take longer to develop and confidence is earned as time goes by the exposed thickness is greater than the other two sheets in this layer drops your worries ambitions and personal issues the fourth innermost layer is the part of people we don't share with anybody it holds their darkest deepest secrets and emotions and they would rather not accept some of these with some issues in this sheet they may not have come to terms yet that's why discussing these stuff with anyone is awkward you need to go through their layers to read others of course you don't have to go all the way to the intimate level but the further you get the more accurate your reading will be to read people you must also remove the barriers that you and others put around you your assumptions and biases are these obstacles projections are your and everyone else's propensity to close your mind and eyes to anything that is upsetting or unpleasant you should project your opinion of circumstances as it makes them easier to deal with prejudices do not refer directly to racial prejudice alone that's a little bit of it it's not the whole part you're prejudiced if you make a personal opinion negative or positive without looking at the facts it clouds your reading ability by harboring ideas based on political affiliation color gender or even what people wear your biases may be based on your background your anxieties or a number of other things with empty hands you have to be totally objective to read people effectively which means you have empty hands to be rational you will also need to conquer your assumptions and biases be polite be patient slowly fill your hands with knowledge to avoid rushing your conclusions don't be so frustrated with the big picture that you lose allow photos to develop fully so you won't get humiliated or disappointed this is how people are reading knowing the right techniques for reading people will help you overcome the urge to jump to hurried conclusions hold off before you make the ultimate people call reality is an important part of life it is essential to know when people tell you the truth or lie to you in every part of your life in business or personal contexts sadly when it comes to recognizing lies people are not in particular very successful it's a natural tendency to believe other men and this works pretty well for situations in which little is at stake while you are unable to evaluate every experience you have with misleading symbols there are some simple ways to read people appreciate them better and see if they tell the truth or not when you need to ask if you obtain the story straight there are moments it is important to know what people are telling you as critical agreements rely on you verbally and otherwise understanding whether people have a history of lying or being honest is also useful actually reading people correctly is not a gift instead if you pay attention to the right signals it is an ability you can master nearly every aspect of our lives is lubricated by the need for trust from personal to business accurately reading people is an integral part of understanding lies reality these are more difficult to detect when lies are told on television or on a website if you become a good reader of men when you're in a face-to-face situation they won't fool you as easily having your own decisions is sometimes better than relying on others to know who is lying to you and who is telling the truth psychologists who have researched deceit caution that people are not being read fool proof but if you practice you can become pretty accurate you will not always use your ability to read people to spot deception but this is one of the most common things to find not all symptoms indicate deception lying is a common system with always different behavioral markers they're hard to read when liars don't care about the truth but if you learn to read sweating fidgeting and other habits these may often suggest deceit but not always we might also mean the anxiety of the individual police and prosecutors use many questioning techniques that you can follow to improve your chances of detecting disappointment you're going to learn to listen and watch for anxious signals and pay more attention to what people are doing people who are good at deceiving others may well have strengthened their abilities and will not be easy to catch in the act the more often they are interrogated the more suspects get better at lying for most people when we want to read them we don't have to think about criminal masterminds you should even be careful not to contradict yourself believing people and avoiding the truth particularly if it is painful is normal it makes it easier for the deceiving once you are able to read the signs that are almost always there you can understand what you were looking for and the significance of certain movements there is no 100 way to understand what a person is thinking but if you really succeed at it you can read people correctly up to eighty percent or so one ask yourself who are you as an individual this can be the hardest part of learning how to read other people first you have to know yourself keep in mind your emotions and understand why you're like that everyone is different but all of us also have similarities we are all members of society we all have basic needs that are identical two what does the observed person say what's your buddy talking about be alert when one person will call him john doe talks about how he's helping people and also about his latest athletic achievements and another jane doe talks about helping children in the new activities she's done for them reading these two people is relatively easy all people enjoy supporting individuals but for social status john's in it and jane's in it because she cares deeply what's missing from john why is he going to want the spotlight jane has a deep love for people and helps out with a sense of empathy this is the essence of the individuals you seek to examine you can read it more quickly after you understand the basic needs of an individual look out for his behavior three when you know what people usually look like and behave like it will be easier to distinguish between their talking and things they do naturally when talking it's natural for people to move their bodies true speech can involve moving forward and leaning backward when conversing most people are upright but liars prefer to freeze their movements to prevent spilling any emotional gestures you will find that a lack of body movement is a sign of deception as a warning people reader shoulders say a great deal about the speaker when the speaker is exasperated they drop and when he is uncomfortable they hunch up shrooks can mean i'm not interested or i don't know partial shrugs can suggest a deception attempt hands are body parts that are very expressive note his illustrators when you speak to someone which means that he uses his hands to emphasize and accentuate speech check for people embellishing their stories or not using their hands and voice these may be indicators of not being interested in what they're doing check for more unusual gestures as well such as crossed palms and clenched fists these are signs that speakers are reluctant to say anything check out the muscles too when someone talks under use may be a sign of dishonesty arms crossing is defensive and in that position often people even lock them up an open arm stance with palms out is an open honest position arms crossed suggest a closed position four you may make general assumptions based on the nature of the person when you talk to someone what's in the nature of the person were they involved in the greater good or are they more likely to be negative there's typically something lacking for negative people often people react negatively when needs are not met were you talking to a loner or do you want a crowd if he likes crowds for one reason he's probably comfortable with those people they've got something in common for people who are more like you it's normal if the person you're talking to is hanging out with different types of people he's typically open-minded many people who are open-minded are empathetic caring for others obviously many people look inside and don't like crowds generally they don't have a need for a lot of contact with other people they may think they are not part of a group or they may have social fears five remember cultural differences if a person does things differently from others his culture might be different from the one you live in you have to pay attention to where they come from when you're reading people and you understand their usual behaviors six don't be afraid to ask how people feel the way they're doing there are motives for doing things for people check out the reasons for this feel free to ask people why but not in a snide way they're doing something you'll learn more about them if they respond if someone like john above is searching for social status why is that didn't he have any standing in his youth when he lacks status if he thinks that an outsider threatens the status he may react negatively typically it triggers frustration once you've asked why people are doing what they're doing the rest of what your eyes said will be put together and you can make a valid conclusion about their motives and character it makes reading them easier note without judging their shortcomings keep your mind open when reading people everyone has shortcomings and weaknesses seven you can examine the behavior of people to some degree quickly checking the face of someone when you first meet will tell you a little bit more about him some of this is common sense but it's not just one or two facets of their appearance that you have to do a test was he suited to his clothes if they are he probably has cash it's not good or bad it's merely an observation is his hair wet he's just a very busy person who is just getting out of the shower and going to work is this always precise yes but that's it most times eight without prompting or intervening listen to what people say this involves managing the conversation to make the subjects interesting for the person you're talking to he's going to reveal more about himself as he talks you can read or take them at face value what may be behind his words you will also allow yourself enough time to read his facial expression and movements nine watch what all kinds of people are doing people may tell you lots of things they're feeling and thinking about but they may be kidding you and even themselves search for inconsistencies in their vocabulary and the language and gestures of their body maybe a person expresses feelings for someone else but when he does he shakes his head he may be showing you something else if he's telling you he's smiling but he's frowning before you gather a little more data don't believe what people say is true the person he loves may not love him back he may not be happy but he's afraid to lose what he feels makes him happy once you listen to the whole thing you won't know 10. that's wrong there will be different people to read directly and indirectly direct people have more power and control over people or situations which they try to exercise they may get on pretty strongly make good first impressions and make quick decisions but they're fast-paced so they take risks and may become frustrated with people who don't follow them we seem to be strong and confident and we speak a lot indirect individuals are on the opposite end of the spectrum they give you the impression of being calm and quiet in order to avoid risks they seem to be easy going and supportive and meditative with decisions they listen more than they talk they hold their views in reserve and only make tentative statements eleven let your mind fuse with your mind real facial expressions and body language reflect the way you feel but by adopting other facial expressions and posture this can be changed indeed changed in fact 30 seconds of smiling false can make you feel happier sitting in a confident open way can raise the levels of testosterone for men making them feel more confident than they did at the beginning have you noticed that you and someone else will unconsciously and naturally mirror the posture and expressions of each other when you see eye to eye try to adopt the expressions and posture of someone to build relationships and see how they make you feel this will help you feel the way you might actually feel you can read people much easier with some practice especially if you can feel your own emotions 12 there is no compassion or empathy in the area when people are showing a lack of compassion and empathy they may show their character an empathetic person can be easily identified they're not caring when they refocus the debate on themselves 13. that's wrong through watching children and what they look like when they try to tell one of those little white lies you'll improve your sign spotting technique professional poker players also say that they look for kids to help gather data and make it easier for people to learn adults say white lies in social situations but that skill has not yet been mastered by children they're not good at lying because they magnify their message because they're lying bad many people are naturally better at lying than others if someone you're talking to isn't a good liar they will show some of the same signs of lying that children do note that people who are honest use i as a pronoun more often than people who are difficult to develop the ability to read people they're going to use this pronoun quite a bit even in brief comments instead disappointed people will use words to eliminate references to themselves it may be misleading to describe the events of a conversation in a passive manner we would say the door was unlocked even if i left the door unlocked would be the correct statement 14. those who are dishonest often blame things on others if you're on a date with a new acquaintance and he's thinking about his previous relationships he might have nothing good to say about his old partners and he might even blame them for breaking up 15. deception may be used by people who want to cover themselves up usually honest people can only use deceit as an answer or defensive mechanism to cope with it it may or may not be viewed as dishonesty but for their acts people cover up the seat is used in this case to cover up some poor results employees may be forgiving to some degree towards co-workers who only cover their backsides their lives may not contain malice and they only spoke what was an honest mistake to avoid getting into trouble these are usually overlooked as long as they don't concern someone else 16. that's wrong several people blame their errors on the system several workers are willing to blame deficiencies in the business for their colleagues dishonest behavior we can think that if they want to keep their jobs their employer wants workers to lie in some businesses honest people may not seem to be able to survive for everyone these are unpleasant environments lying in this situation does not necessarily mean the deceitfulness of a man it's just one way of recognizing a lie immediately doesn't mean that the person is a bad person 17. if you want to be able to read people faster and more accurately you need to practice those skills constantly that doesn't mean you've got to take classes by always actively watching and listening every day you can develop these skills 18. your ability to be overconfident will hurt your accuracy many people are good liars but most people think that when someone tells the truth they can easily tell it makes you feel safe if you believe you can detect deception it allows you to feel in control more these beliefs however make it harder for you to detect the deception of others 19. deception can leak through the language of a person you can never read people on the basis of what you see conversation vocal tone word choice and speech patterns can lead to deception words can help tell you about someone who doesn't have enough behaviors to base an assumption on twenty watch for two talkative people researchers have found that sometimes good liars are more talkative they're trying to convince you effectively that their lie is true the stories go on and on and each time they are told they can become more elaborate one good way to spot a lie is to sit still and encourage the people to fill up the silence when they continue to speak it gives them the opportunity to embellish their story and perhaps get into their own lies just watch the lies come to life when they talk if the liar is cool you can ask open questions and watch the reactions it takes skill and practice to read people if you don't care when reading people you're just going to see what you want to see selective attention severely limits your ability to be a more efficient reader of people for instance you should recognize it if you imagine a penny in your mind so many times you've used them remember the penny which way faces the profile of lincoln you probably don't remember as we don't bother to watch them you've had a chance of 50 50. have you got that right there is often a wide range of human observations but they are based on what you need to know you're probably not worried about how the head faces lincoln observation secrets the true secret of powerful observation is to train yourself it's possible to teach yourself every day allowing you to see things you missed this is a valuable tool for understanding what you see as tells and expressions you can also sharpen your observation skills in the same way as improving physical health with exercise take time to watch people especially when they talk research people as they speak do it at home and in environments that are informal you are looking for signals and mannerism variations watching television without the noise is another smart way to study how much you can infer without knowing what the characters say will confuse you you'll be surprised at how many kinds of smiles you'll encounter and how they can be measured when you spend more time watching people assess the smiles you see do the same with other words such as toe rubbing dry coughing finger pointing smirks and frowns take the time to consider the wide range of signals you receive and record them generally sales people are quite positive about their goods if they are good salespeople their pitches should not convey any doubts they're only going to send signals suggesting you buy items from them observe their mannerisms and evaluate their efficiency you'll find in a short time that you've become a collector's mannerism after a while you'll also find how to read easily bringing people's blatant actions under your own magnifying glass for inspection can even be amusing it's not about listening though for your own benefit during this training you may become more sensitive to people well-known attorneys are using this ability to help them gain an edge in court situations ceos clergy teachers therapists and police detectives attended programs that helped raise awareness of the actions of others similar skills are also used by politicians and actors your improved observation skills will pay off slowly in just one week's time you'll become much more observant and two weeks of training will alert you to nuances that may now seem mysterious to you 21. keep your eyes open if people talk about red flags red flags show signals that people may not talk in a truthful manner watching them along with the behavioral clues of people in spotting deception can be quite revealing some examples include evading your question evasion may be used to avoid lying they're basically avoiding your question for example someone facing theft might say they don't believe in stealing it's not a denial they robbed it is a clever subconscious way of avoiding lying directly they tend to delay their replies if someone needs time to make a lie they can stop for a while by asking you to let them remember or let them think about it they don't need time to make up a plausible response if they're truthful 22 individuals can be hostile verbally is the person you talk to ever verbally aggressive will they threaten restaurant servers or staff this will often leak into other areas of their lives if someone mistreats others if you try to read other people you may become clouded by your own emotional state if you're sad or depressed when reading people you're vulnerable you may also be hanging on to misconceptions that are likely to be dangerous it's natural for people to be worried about others that look unkept and creepy but you may overlook people who look like everyone else but who are actually dangerous it's quite obvious to postpone their response if somebody needs time to make a lie they can stop by sometime by asking you to let them reminisce or let them think about it they don't need time to make up a plausible response if they're truthful 23 by personal traits you can decipher deceit the deception of peoples can result from personality flaws or character problems some may show avoiding communication styles and use white lies to stop people from getting upset or looking bad this counter deception is unfortunate but it can sometimes be considered inevitable some people may be sly dishonest or lazy with weak morals by their traits when assessing deceptive personal traits people can disregard the business climate in which they operate and instead concentrate on providing personal lies if you have jobs that connect you should avoid unnecessary interaction with these people and struggle to work with them in about twenty percent of their experiences average people commit some kind of deceit these can cause them to be disregarded or still recognized depending on the understanding of their deceit by other people one study suggested that many people see deceit as an unavoidable feature of relationships yet lies about maliciously targeting people are seen as more of a problem peer deception can cause serious problems if it hinders people's ability to do their job effectively you can help minimize deception if you work for an organization there are a number of ways to do this employees will need less deception to cover their asses if they are not attacked in any way when admitting errors if supervisors communicate with their employees openly and effectively workers may feel more free to seek help with troubleshooting without fear of potential repercussions open lines of communication between staff and people in general can prevent errors from becoming large problems most people feel that co-workers deceit is due to survival of the most appropriate style of behavior that makes them feel it is necessary to outperform others for promotions or commissions 24. people who lie can get angrier faster in some cases people who have short fuses usually have them in certain circumstances when you meet someone who shows road rage even when they're not in the car they're likely to have anger problems as well you're likely to mitigate your life's danger most people do ignoring or rationalizing such behavior patterns makes it easy for you to postpone further action the other may want to leave in a relationship where one person is a bully but be afraid of it these bullies always have signs to tell you what they really are like individuals who are threatened may also underestimate the aggressor's inherent danger employees may blame their employers by creating an environment that encourages dishonest people it can kill employee trust and hinder productivity organization leaders may help co-workers avoid fraud by creating an environment that rewards everyone for well-functioning work 25 people who are dishonest can attempt to lower their heart rate maybe when he talks to you you've seen a man put a hand on his head this is a clever way of trying to reduce one's heart rate if for any reason you have ever had to take a polygraph test these devices will be one of their markers in the heart rate polygraphs usually read the pulse breathing rate suddenness and blood pressure of somebody some of these devices often track arms and leg motion the questioner will ask multiple questions creating an answer to the baseline then the questions of investigation will be answered the person being examined has his or her signals registered on the chart throughout the questioning this is a more advanced accurate way to do what you can do for yourself read people polygraph examiners watch their charts for vital sign shifts to be noticed any support from any computer you can read some of the same symbols significant changes in suddenness blood pressure and heart rate can indicate the deceitfulness of an individual for a variety of reasons people are dishonest it is often a defense mechanism that is used with an authority figure to try to avoid any trouble sometimes you can tell but not always when a person is lying the more you practice the better you are going to be 26 emphasis beyond the most superficial qualities you can focus on superficial types of characteristics that won't tell you much when you try to determine if someone is potentially a threat or a good person people typically offer a certain amount of credibility to others and you can believe they're going to work every day and keeping a clean house you may also assume that when you're around someone who's dangerous your body will warn you you're going to experience feelings of fear and know that staying away from that person is safer however you can feel comfortable with dangerous people with skills we should make the right eye contact and be friendly and courteous sometimes criminals like everyday people can come across on the surface the better you are at reading people the less likely that someone who doesn't seem to be what he is can pull you in the fact that you may not be a good listener complicates your ability to read other people accurately behavior analysis should be used in people reading as well as listening to what they say you will miss details you would otherwise learn when you talk a lot of time 27 dear brothers and sisters in a person's speech a wavering voice may imply deception you should listen to vocal signs to say if a person with you is honest you should listen for the volume time and duration of vocal signals without actually knowing it time among deceitful speakers is a major factor we have shorter emails longer response times less articulate response times and a faster rhythm than people who tell the truth individuals who are frustrated often show less good vocal quality decreased frequency range and increased pitch variations 28. many deceitful people who appear to be regular people are not what they seem to be if your new neighbor has children is married goes every day to work in a suit has a clean home and a lawn and is polite and friendly you might presume he's a kind and caring person this description was actually from a sex sadist he used a trailer to hold people and torture them you're probably never going to run into such a dangerous person but it gives you an idea of how to manipulate the signals 29. excessive fidgeting or blinking may be signs of deception but panic may also be indicated once upon a time it was thought that you would never be looked directly at by someone trying to deceive you now it's understood that some experienced deceivers can look and lie to you in the eye the movements of the eye of people may show whether or not they are real but it's not foolproof even though it tends to be on popular television shows detectives in real life are not always able to deduce whether a person is honest or dishonest just by seeing if they look right or left when speaking in the real world making snap judgments like this without further investigation is foolish but in some cases the technique may be quite accurate liars tend to blink faster when they speak untruths but the blinking slows down after they say their lie or listen to you it will also reinforce the notion of being honest when speaking we worry you won't believe them so you might notice them using phrases like you won't believe this and honestly lie spotting is a fascinating and useful tool but don't jump to any hurried conclusions the skills can be difficult to learn but they are extremely helpful in some circumstances once you have them down 30. check for people to completely close their eyes as if in deep thinking or ask you to answer questions this is a stalling tactic that gives them time to think about doing it deceptive people can play dumb and ask for more details particularly if you haven't put a direct question to them if you can eliminating any ambiguity about the subject matter and being honest and up front will remove the opportunity for the liar to use this tactic of stalling you may also be fooled by people who are trying to trick you it happens when you ask a simple question and the person answers with i can't believe you'd ask me that this is another common trick used to buy them to pause for a few more seconds allowing them to take charge of your conversation the key is to keep them focused on answering your question don't let the tricky person sidetrack you a third way for dishonest people to stop the time is to change the subject they can give you a complex answer to your question to hide the fact that they don't really answer that question if you've heard politicians talk they've perfected that tactic if someone wants to do this with you repeat the question and preface it with i'm not certain of your response you'll only read honest people happily their answers are generally clear and simple when you tell them that they shouldn't have been somewhere they usually answer with something like no why are you asking this is the way a person reacts when they have nothing to hide you can never presume that if you just happen to show one of the stalling habits that we just talked about people are lying furthermore if there are several misleading signals it helps to provide clear proof that people can lie 31 dear brothers and sisters look at the face for signs of distress or discomfort looking at people's facial expressions to assess truth or deceit might save you from becoming a victim of fraud it might even help you to know getting involved with someone new is healthy looking at facial signals you'll learn how to read gestures that most people don't notice it takes some practice but it is worth it check for micro expressions these are fast facial expressions that appear on people's faces briefly revealing the true emotions training yourself to look for these gestures is not difficult micro expression will be a distressing feeling a deceitful man with eyebrows pulled up to the mid front it allows short lines to appear across the front watch for people covering their mouths and scratching their noses if people tell the truth they generally don't use either of these movements this is suggestive of deceit and anxiety if the lips are bent and the mouth looks tight 32. word collection provides valuable insight into what people think for example when someone mentions winning another reward it is natural to assume that in the past they have won one or more awards speaker wanted to make sure everyone knew he was awarded other prizes to raise his self-esteem he may need your adulation thirty-three people caught in frustration could quickly move their head if you're asked a direct question and the person you're talking to is making a sudden head movement he might be lying about something to you either side of his head could be turned or cocked jerked back removed or bent it usually happens just before he is going to give you an answer to your question unlike head movement there may be somebody who wants to be deceitful standing still he's sitting still instead of fidgeting to calm his nerves this is believed to be a simple sign of the response of the traditional battle versus flight his body is planning for a fight if you talk to people who are honest their bodies frequently shift in comfortable subtle ways that are mostly unconscious but a catatonic rigid movement free posture can be a warning sign that an individual is not real 34. trust your thoughts about your heart intuition has many meanings and the ability to understand something instinctively without relying on rational thought is one concise one nevertheless it has mental components you can use your previous experience and knowledge to analyze a person with intuition and make a simple assessment of the situation intuition and fear are often confused because either a good feeling can cause you have to be open to this thought and not all in logic and logical thinking through learning a few principles you can differentiate intuitive gut feelings from fear-related gut feelings instinct is about now you don't care about your past or future intuition is positive and unemotional fear is heavily burdened with emotions reliable insight just seems wrong it has a voice of encouragement empathy intuition suggests you're correct about someone on goal fear is high nervous and dark very often it has misleading cruel or demeaning substance to yourself or to others this shows unhealed emotional wounds make a list of your fears to show your feelings of fear from instinct easily otherwise you'll know if it's linked to anxiety when you have a gut feeling practice knowing the difference between instinct and apprehension in your gut feelings intuition is useful and very strong when you isolate it from a sensation of anxiety related to the heart immediately intuition is respected it is worth the effort to consider the feelings of the heart associated with fear as compared with the intuitive feelings of the god and gut feelings are one of the easiest ways to tell someone who is deceitful to a truthful person chapter 8 understanding what manipulation is if you ever learn the rules of logic you would see that manipulating deceiving or persuading a person could place you in this rather absurd situation of making a mistake fallacies are in themselves absurdities which means the statement may not always be true because it defies specific laws if you want your point to always be true and you want to influence the mind of others by the most rational means then you might find that there are a lot of mistakes in psychology well there are some books that would make you think the best way to influence people is to play with their heads according to the laws of logic this book will teach you how to persuade others by putting yourself in their shoes it's all about empathizing with others and then putting a plausible and sound point in their heads that works well for your benefit that's because the actual worlds individuals are more likely to respond to what they think and not to what the truth in their head suggests there are many reasons why somebody else might want to deceive confuse or persuade others now the question is is your ethical way of thinking manipulating deceiving and persuading another person for the answer it really relies on you no one can decide if what you are doing is moral or not except you nevertheless there are many social situations where you need to perform specific methods of bribery deceit and persuasion to achieve your goals of example the target people are your clients and consumers if you're in the business sector in fact your goal is to get them to buy your products or use your services if you're an environmental lawyer your target people are politicians lobbyists and the public therefore in protecting the environment your goal is to convince them to support your cause when you look at the topic of mind control closely it is undoubtedly basically a game of persuasion that is practiced every day it would of course be up to you to understand the intention of learning these tricks as machiavelli would say everything becomes a tool for a particular purpose nevertheless the art of my manipulation does not mean that you refuse to use free will to your goals rather you give them something that they most definitely are searching for a feeling of positive choice that acts as a guide to their behavior basically the nature of your actions and your set of private beliefs will decide whether or not the methods and techniques you use are moral note that the main objective of this chapter is to create a specific shift in the mindset of your target person without being aware of the changes in their thinking if you're an entrepreneur your customers are your target audience and your goal or aim is to get them to buy your products or use your services in this regard one of the most successful ways to change the way you think about your customers or your goal is to change your way of talking in other terms to build what you sell and what your customers want you must use the right phrases if you're watching promotional ads on tv or youtube right now you'll know that short business videos are enticing because they use the terms or lingo to address the specific concerns of their target people therefore there is an emotional meaning that only the terminology used by the product or service producers knows the point of view circumstance or environment what are you trying to do exactly you want to pressure someone to do something that would help you when you try to manipulate others understanding deception is one of the hardest skills in this lifetime for some to master due to the amount of commitment required to make tactics work nonetheless certain people appear to be able to exploit individuals when they walk into a place instantly clearly you can't learn that skill immediately manipulation is a technique that involves you bringing the target into the direction you want to go by using several sequential tricks that need to be timed properly manipulation methods are also described as violent meaning that all approaches you use are meant to suit your goals strongly with your thought line and to do so you would need to closely follow your objective to see the appropriate sets of techniques that would work on many occasions you will never get enough chances to get your aim well understood to test how your tactics will work for them make sure that you use the following intimidation techniques to move closer to your objectives and make sure that until they are vulnerable you will wear down their defenses not only would they help you to move closer to your chosen objectives but you would also ensure that you can create a comprehensive array of methods that will allow you to exploit them if you come across them again relationship is a link according to the dictionary of emotional intimacy or mutual trust simply put the relationship with the other person merely implies synchronizing or strategically harmonizing your feelings and emotions with theirs therefore building relationships with your audience will be one of the most important tools you can use to exploit them so what's the useful test to determine if you're having a good relationship with someone else the question is this does this person have a positive reaction to my actions ideas and words if the answer is yes you have successfully built a relationship without knowing it if the answer is no it is important to use certain methods and techniques to create a healthy amount of relationship with your target this means the need for more research facilitating relationship building with another person is illustrated by the following approaches accommodating and mirroring the other person's body position having a discussion on subjects of common interest how when trying to manipulate a target is it very important to mirror interests and behavior that's because when people know you're in the same place they're more likely to react to you remember at the same time that people are mostly interested in themselves and if you are just like them they'll be interested in you musicians are hanging out for the same reason with musicians for a musician chat nevertheless a musician also has a better chance of buying beer from someone interested in music and trying to learn an instrument it's not the product they really like it's just because the seller really likes them if you look at the real world people are more likely to buy something from someone who is trying to empathize with their desires there is another method that you can use to influence your target as well as creating a document by having a discussion about a subject that your target is interested in this technique uses techniques to make you look like your target how do you use this tactic by doing the same task processes that your target is actually engaged in you can do this such procedures include placement or setting of work type of work small and medium-sized businesses families clubs sports societies hobbies affiliations brotherhood masonry politics faith etcetera as you can see there are many procedures that you can use to create a relationship with your target maybe you've both served in the military before and are both army veterans people initially don't buy your ideas goods political office candidates causes or service instead they buy you therefore your first goal is to make your ambition more than anything else as a person like you one thing you can do is to allow your goal to be reciprocated simply put inducing reciprocity means giving an object a service or a favor to your target remember however that this product service or favor must be viewed as valuable by your target the explanation for this strategy is to give your target person a valuable item service or favor he or she will be motivated to do the same by feeling gratitude to you not only in politics but also everywhere else in life you see this kind of friendly exploitation in particular it works by reminding a person that theoretically he owes you a favor if you had been able to meet before it would work better and you could dramatically change his circumstances in his favor say something simple when you do this but to the effect of you owe me the person would always associate you with the favor and whenever he sees you he would have to give you little favors why will this work okay it works because the person who owes you a favor does not really objectivize you as a mere debtor because you were able to help him through a difficult moment he would always want to help and the best thing is that you don't have to do anything spectacular or risk yourself the moment someone else realizes that you've gone out of your way to help someone who isn't your family they're developing a certain connection with you then for another person it is of course deliberate coercion to go out of your way every individual with a sense of dignity and honor as long as they can afford it would certainly want to pay you back in any kind of favor the key to getting the most out of reciprocity is to help them feel that the favor you're going to ask them will cost them basically nothing but one that can generate a mutual profit it would then seem that you're also doing them a favor by letting them support you you built a link to make yourself the alpha so long as you can prove that you are the one who can conceive of a safe plan that will help both of you he will be happy to assist you it works because he feels he would be a great addition to your project he is conscious that you wouldn't be successful if you didn't reach out for his support which makes him realize that somehow you would also be indebted to him chapter nine using persuasion by manipulation what are you really trying to do when you try to persuade someone in its very essence persuasion is the power that helps you to affect your objective by allowing a new belief in your system you do this by making sure that the confidence you instill in your target suits the way he thinks you also do this by questioning the authorities he is referring to and letting him believe they are the source of the new belief you want him to gain there are many ways you can convince the engineer and five of them will be learned in this section you can even model your own tactics based on your target's personality but you need to build them so that you can go back to what persuasion really is at this level you'll begin to realize that persuasion is a very powerful tool and for almost every relationship many people who have used this ability feel that it is even the basis of other skills mentioned in this book that are manipulation and deception persuasion allows you to move in and lower your target's defenses by putting them in a position where their values would be modified beliefs are very effective in determining what's convenient for people which in turn determines what they do over and over again they are not 100 percent right and according to experience they are malleable because they can change depending on one's world experience you the manager will be able to challenge them and make your expectations view their environment as something else it sounds easy but it's not of course the obstacles you face as you step into persuasion is your goals definition of comfort individuals would always want to believe what makes sense to them such as their beliefs their selection of goods and their whole lifestyle we don't care about anything else now you should dispute the notion and provide damning evidence that some or all of your convictions may be inaccurate how are you doing this you need to find a way to get them to listen to make sure you're on the same page and get them to understand that you make sense you should step in for the kill when this happens one of the most effective ways to convince the target is by emitting a weakness downside detriment or disadvantage before the other person does for hundreds of years this idea has been known understood and applied the reason you admit a flaw in your case of your argument is that you seem to be more truthful to the other party and your purpose by doing so by today's society where everyone is cynical this will be useful being cynical it is meant that people in today's society will generally not accept a case or assertion if the only advantages benefits and other claims are accepted by their favor as such usually expect people to be on the lookout for a capture in other words you will be automatically regarded as an honest and trustworthy person by accepting a negative fault or drawback of your argument idea or case at the outset this strategy is one of the most people who sell their proposals or services using the best tactics this works well because the dealer would always give a personal brand testimony by making his current experience so much better than his previous life the comparison makes the objective very aware of what he wants he never wants to experience the trouble you've been through and anything you've tried and used personally will save him the trouble why is this tactic going to work this makes them know that you can make mistakes that make them feel you don't have your defenses all the time and you can relax in front of them therefore your client may be more comfortable with your presence because you do not seem too excited about persuading him or her to buy your statement suggestion or scenario instead you're presenting them with an opportunity they can study now which makes the entire statement a very exciting proposition it becomes something very fascinating about which they would like to find out more as such the moments you are trustworthy in the eyes of your target is the moment to strike perfectly you can only persuade the target if you've done something that's going to be in his or her favor for example by helping him or her with a question you can show your confidence to your target in other words put yourself in a position where in any way you can support him or her for example if your goal is to sell real estate stocks or insurance you can contact a personal friend about the goods that your target is trying to sell if on the other hand your goal is a businessman give your friends and acquaintances to distribute their business cards if your aim has to be presented to a politician or policymaker because he or she wants such a politician or policy maker to support a cause for environmental or health care introduce the two people to each other by all means this means more than anything else that you will share with your target a portion of your time and effort offer your assistance every type of assistance is appreciated he or she will be more relaxed with you in this way the target will also have a certain connection to you which means that he sees you as he or she is he or she will lower his or her mental defenses until your target is relaxed with you this is the perfect time to convince him or her in your plan statement or case at the end of the day when he or she lowers his or her mental defenses here's what a lot of self-help gurus would do they're offering themselves a little history and that it'd probably be about the time they weren't successful once they find an easy way to change their lives they turn up and tell you they'd ask you their strategy succeeded because they were trying the hard way to do things they're happy however to teach you how to do things that would make your life immensely easier just the way you want it the easy way the technique appeals to many people because these accomplished people are willing to share what they have been through and are willing to share the secret without the recipient having to go through the bad experiences in order to gain the information it would also be wise to point out that you are like your target and make your statement because you feel you are very close in making people think that people with the same rank and exchanging experience would do what you would do you can always persuade people then they'd think they could talk to an expert like you knocking off the socks of your goal means you're giving it a pleasant surprise how are you going to do this blow off your goal with an amazing fact an amazing statement or just something that only a few people would learn make a claim case or suggestion you may create and there's something you can teach him and her that's never been done before this may also be something that may change the way you interpret or say your proposal this will open their minds in such a way that they will accept new ideas and thoughts it puts them in a state of relaxation and reception in other words the reason behind this is that people enjoy being pleasantly surprised in particular if your target has been pleasantly surprised making him or her say yes to your idea statement or case will be relatively easy why do you know this is because if you help such a person discover some amazing new reality making a decision to pursue another person you will always be relatively easier in fact it will be relatively easy to make a decision to give into your statement or suggestion because your intention is to feel more comfortable and receptive there's a reason why people believe in success stories everyone tries to always find the easiest way to do things and they're willing to buy anything that a person used to get out of a terrible situation that's also likely to happen to them when you sell a parachute the belt that people usually use is made of strings used to hold a parachute together keep in mind that they likely wouldn't find themselves falling out of a plane and using a parachute to save their lives but when you tell people that a parish you can carry more than 500 kilos of weight so that they can use it and tow their vehicles and it's the favorite bracelet for hunters and explorers because it can act as a tourniquet a fishing line or something to tie up their tents they'd buy one from you for three times the price that's because these are the information that would make you think the service is much more important than it appears another useful tip linked to this technique of persuasion is the last presentation of the plan you want to be accepted or the item you want to purchase this means that you have to spend a considerable amount of time asking for approval of a plan or to buy an item from your target because of your actions the target would usually have to accept a single item or service after you have been removed from the start of the discussion as such putting the most important idea or service at the end of the presentation or discussion would be strategically advantageous be concise you should be clear and thorough when describing specifics to your target audience if you want to add an element of authenticity and validity to your claims the explanation for this is that your words contain clear and detailed information it means you know how they affect other things when you understand how certain issues can be influenced by your plan argument or event your claims are more difficult to attack therefore many people unconsciously feel better when very precise and reliable information is given to them why are figures and percentages of all kinds convincing people it's because they get a sense of security from specific numbers of course people don't think that 100 percent of the time something would succeed they'd want something that's almost foolproof because the almost perfect artifact they might get is even better than all the other things they've tried that's why people often prefer to buy items using numerical adjectives like most almost all and 9 out of ten but if you believe that your service is fine notice the number of questions you receive that's because most people don't trust perfection we would rather get something that can be imperfect but if we meet the criteria they are still guaranteed to work that makes the service more interesting and believable for people suppose you are for example a specialist in the management of operations how can you apply the principles to your target dealings okay you can say your target that his or her revenue will increase by 46 in six months through the use of your consulting services that's unique now but if you tell someone you can promise a hundred percent increase in this revenue then your target will be more likely to go away that's because you don't get your target as a buyer unless you can give him a big time customer who can back up your story benefit offer what's a good offer a deal must definitely look like it is not just for your benefit for the benefit of your goal you need to make an offer that would build the same appeal for that reason bear in mind that most people are more self-interested not you you are more likely to be self-aware and they would certainly not pursue your wishes if you're going to make them rely on what you're thinking of make sure you make it look like they're getting more value than you would why are people buying salesman's goods and becoming convinced that doing so is the right decision the reason is simple the seller doesn't think about how much money he'd get from the sale and how that profit would change his life when considering those a salesman doesn't have to ask but when he wants to do it from the viewpoint of his client he would still be able to enjoy it all he has to do is make it a point that his service is of superior quality and that in his life the consumer would need it more or less of course the customer knows there's something positive for the dealer a customer buys without hesitation however because he knows that their positions are just the way they go but at the scene continues with the seller putting his needs first the customer will probably want to go home none of them would enjoy the benefit if that happens so when it comes to persuading someone that doing you a favor would be to his advantage make him a good offer to see his advantage first before you finally get the bonus what important is your closing game to convince someone it would be the reputation in the art of making magic where the highlight takes place your initiative is not yet sure to come to fruition without a successful closer for this reason reiterating parts of your conversation in which you went into some form of agreement would always be wise if your target once said he'd like to try whatever you're offering in the conversation then keep that moment in mind make sure you pull up the closing details before the conversation dies down you can say something like this because you said you'd like to try product a i'm going to go ahead and wrap it up for you now you're talking with a positive approach as a very optimistic salesperson something many customers want instead if they decline to have their order wrapped up tell them if they should pack it up later always say they have the option of withdrawing from your earlier agreement remember the goal that he liked it and never insinuate there is an option to say no you'd be shocked that it works for almost anything no matter how old this marketing tactic is it's because people are mostly worried about how to make it much easier to make choices proactive people know that if they think there is someone who is trying to save them from all the trouble individuals are likely to be bent to your will manipulate people by creating scarcity once people know that their desire for something is limited in terms of time color choice quality and quantity their desire for it increases exponentially corresponding to this theory whenever you want something but can't easily have it the appetite for that object increases significantly there is nothing but human nature and one of economics fundamental laws citizens have always heard about the law of supply and demand and they understand how difficult it is to buy something at a much higher price just because the market for it has increased that's why they're going to markets to buy a product that's more likely to become extremely popular in the future and take advantage of its original price today most stores use this strategy first they get people to understand their product's inherent value which they know the consumers want tremendously they will then throw in some freebies and a cheap price which would help them generate sufficient revenue to fund their money they will then conceal the item from the public and once they think there's enough clamor for the brand to return to the shelf they'll bring it back on the market at a ridiculously high price what is this action going to do through listening to the people's voice it makes the store owner look good and then he gets a lot of extra money to do so he doesn't need people to know the second advantage he had however the first advantage is all that he would need to remind them of from the point of view of his ambitions he is simply trying to make his consumers avoid the pain by reintroducing an old product that would most likely be much more costly than the new product his store sells the customers did not know however that the store owner has already guaranteed his personal reward he definitely knows his old product will be selling no matter what he did not actually take any risk at all so how can you use this principle the first element of this principle is that your goal must be aware that it will be valuable to him or her for your service offer proposal or product he or she is going to suffer if he or she loses the chance to have this right now the second element is the act of scarcity induction now to your target audience you can cause scarcity tell him or her that in terms of business operations what you are offering right now will only be available for a limited time or in limited quantities the target will know by causing scarcity that there is a real possibility that he or she may not get what they really want because time or stock will run out quickly as such telling your target in no uncertain terms how it will lose out in this situation would be essential suppose you are a businessman as an illustrative example and your target is a potential customer you can say to your target i definitely hate to see you miss this latest iphone remember that this model will only have 2 000 iphone units available i can give you the chance to reserve one for yourself if you wish this example would work because it involves a specific number which justifies the claim of scarcity a salesman would sell for a certain amount based on how much his target would love or need the product that he offers the problem is that soon because it's that rare the item will be taken off the shelves he can make the claims stronger by suggesting that most customers can get it only on a reservation basis because the competition is very difficult but still fighting for the service is so worth it to maximize consumer pressure a store owner may declare that consumers have a specific deadline to make up their minds missing that deadline is the same as missing the entire opportunity to profit from the service now if you were the salesman you could even boost your pitch by saying you're willing to go out of your way and make sure your target gets a fair fighting chance to get that product however it should count on that effort insinuating that you go through the trouble of having to fill up the paperwork and stand in line can be frustrating for you you are now sure to sell and you would also get a good tip chapter 10 manipulating someone by leading them on there are two main tactics you have to use as you try to build relationships and get your audience to follow your lead they are leading and pacing which helps people to build trust and confidence in you encouraging them to go on the course you need them to go in most cases where you need people to agree with you and start seeing things your way these strategies would be very beneficial many people think they don't want to control their emotions and thoughts but somehow they would really need a person who can influence them in thinking which direction they're many likely willing to go in nevertheless they should accept that they may not always make a conscious decision knowing what is going to do them good but you can get them in a direction they want at a faster speed pacing and leading works like a dance in order to work it takes two people in agreement which requires another important element negotiation we will not go anywhere without peace between two individuals that is not mutually beneficial to them they'd be stuck in a rut like in any relationship with this you'll realize that being able to manipulate people into your thought line is more like agreeing with them and encouraging their subconscious to make perfect sense of their behavior by helping them build a new comfort zone when they're around you you'll also find that they're much easier to manipulate once they're confident mirroring a method used to build relationships mentioned in an earlier part of this book is a key activity you need to master to incorporate a relationship in every encounter you have with others mirroring is also referred to by some neuro-linguistic programming practitioners as pacing which describes it as the process of balancing the audience acts and attitudes to instill confidence in your communication that said this means you can suit your audience and break down their barriers which helps you to deliver a study why do you need to suit the conducts or acts of another person let's use the black tie event as an example so order to attend such an event many people would still prefer to wear formal clothes even if the invitation did not specify that they are expected to do so you'll find the extra time and effort to make sure they appear in their best tuxedo or dress at the event because if they didn't they think they'll look different from the crowd at the same time if you should ever go to that event in casual clothes you'll find yourself looking over from head to toe you'll also soon find out that if you're dressed differently no one wants to talk to you you would note when you thought about that scenario that most people would actually want to engage a similar person millionaires are often hanging out with billionaires and celebrities are hanging out with other actors it's not about promoting racism or shunning diversity but it's just plain human nature people tend to hang out with people they feel they can understand their lifestyle and values if you have the unpleasant habit of smoking you may see a silver lining to indulge in that addiction because people who smoke with their clients or employers are mostly those who are likely to get the upper hand in closing deals and getting long-term promotions it doesn't mean they are more knowledgeable but they are the ones who can contribute to their target who knew that from a single addiction you could get that much mirroring or pacing simply matches your target's actions which is important to your task you need to know what aspect of their conduct is most important to them if you want to build a relationship with an artist you'd more likely listen to the kind of music they want you'd like to take hints from your specific goal on what might make them pay attention to you so when they know you know you can speak their language you can guide them in any direction you want them to go so what makes your objective interpret similarity as leading to the dimension of trust the answer is simple there is something people want to trust that gives them comfort the familiarity you're willing to offer them gives them thee as it helps them escape the complicated relationship with people who have different approaches to life people usually vote for people who can give them some reason to believe they're one of them there's something like too much pace however which makes the effort to establish a relationship too evident you'd find for instance that trying to talk to people about any common interest you have or trying to buy the same clothes they wear will soon make them annoyed by your presence you can start with being direct to get whatever business you've done but they may challenge what you want out of them and start raising their defenses around you with that in mind note that in your effort to belong the best kind of timing is being able to get the results you want from your target without being seen as being too obvious there are many ways to make sure your target doesn't realize you're subconsciously writing here are some ways that you can pace with which you can mimic your objective without being too clear that you're trying to win over it one body posture posture is a strong determinant of a person's mood and being able to mimic the way a person sits or stands you in the empathizer mode if you're trying to talk to a guy in a bar to give him something you can sit apart from him in a few seats in order from the bartender what he's drinking if your target is slouching slouch too but you do not seem to pay attention to it it would make him recognize you from his eye corner and start an empathetic conversation maybe he'll tell you how your day goes that's your start point for a discussion two figures of speech metaphors or phrases you will find that every person in that room has a different choice of words to explain or name things somewhat like to use the word that things to refer to a collection of objects from which the proper term cannot be remembered or use the word bunch so when you want to talk to specific individuals in that group make sure you use the terms they repeatedly say as well that would invite them to join your talk three personal style don't you ever wonder why people still tend to say i'm going to have what he's got in a bar to set up a conversation at the same time do you find that they are most likely to be told the first word by their target this does not only happen in the setting of the restaurant the strategy is also very appropriate in malls and other places where two or more individuals will attempt to establish relationships with each other four tone accent and tempo it's no secret that people with different speech patterns are those people who usually end up talking to each other because of their linguistic upbringing if you are good at manipulating your speech patterns tone and speed you can use this mirroring technique to establish a relationship with people in different places or ethnic linguistic backgrounds at the same time it also pays attention to the person you're speaking to the voice tone and rhythm you will find that if you don't suit the way they speak most people would have trouble trying to understand what you're saying the point is this do it if you think your audience will better understand you if you fit your talking tone or pace five orientation towards career time or life you can find that different people with different roles have specific word choices when working planning or even explaining their goals for example people working in an office are most likely to always discuss potential projects that will belong tomorrow but most freelancers are likely to think about work that will occur on a daily timetable you may also note that business owners tend to think about the money they're making while workers tend to think about the amount of salaries they're getting based on salary cutoffs with that in mind in terms of how they usually view money or the form of their sexuality over time you could sell a product to these people if you mirror the goal for a considerable amount of time say 30 minutes you will find that you are instinctively able to keep pace with it even if you are separated within a room you'd find that you're able to inherit some of his characteristics like his most subtle gestures or his way of speaking even if they're not the acts or habits you're not trying to keep pace with most books of nlp strategies will tell you that this is perfectly normal there is a major tendency that you would be able to subconsciously mimic his actions by actually locking in on certain action patterns of your target which makes it very easy for you to build a relationship afterwards at the same time research tells us that pacing with a target would also allow one to learn certain things about the subject and then verifying this information would be much simpler you may also think that you can develop a connection with your target even from across the room after pacing with a person for some time leading now here's the section you're trying to enjoy the pacing bonuses that's leading in essence leading refers to the act in which you can intentionally shift the acts or values of another person to a purpose you have in mind when you've been pacing with a person for a while you'll find that when you adjust your movement your goal starts to follow you as if he's following your lead you could follow this simple exercise to see if your pacing strategies and attempting to lead work walk with your goal and mimic your stance and walking speed follow the way he waves his hands and make sure that most of his simple gestures can be replicated when you think you're already in sync change the pace intentionally eg turn the steps walking and walk faster you'll find that your target will subconsciously mimic your movements and he'll think he's the one making the move the good thing is that leadership doesn't just affect the movement of your target if you pace with his language and the rest of his actions you may find that you can actually create the decision and action you want him to take which means you can successfully convince him into your line of thinking after building a relationship and synchronizing with your target you can find that you can get the results you want from a careful balance of relationships and leadership you may also see that there are some verbal ways to encourage the individual to facilitate a change in their behavior for example the use of verbs provides the mental energy required to facilitate change by using words of action the mental energy generated will motivate your target to produce the action you want because your goal would want to create the physical action that suits their thoughts as in pacing however leading requires a great deal of subtlety to avoid any possible opposition from your target if that happens make sure you keep up with them before using stimuli to make the right order of logic for your behavior change you'll find that as soon as you go back to synchronizing within their individual acts you'll have the greatest power to convince people to think the way you're doing be careful not to make him think you're making fun of him or you're losing the momentum in your imitation conclusion how to always make people say yes to you if you manipulate people to do what you want you might wonder if they will say yes to you the next time you ask them to do something to your advantage according to therapists if you manage to make sure you get them straight into that situation they'll have a big chance it is called the foot in the door fitd and the door in the face ditf techniques that often work to accomplish this situation such techniques are used to ensure compliance without interference from your target which is a great skill manipulators have using coercion makes the target feel like you're trying to bait him into doing something he doesn't want to do which makes him build walls and the second he gets the chance to reject you that's why these strategies are designed to make your target feel free to say yes or no to any of your requests making him feel encouraged and secure after all he knows that when he knows he doesn't like what you're saying he can just close the door you the manipulator however know how to take advantage of the false sense of security you gave through the way you handled your requests when asking for favors you may know that someone may want to do you favors because they have the right to choose to do so you are even going to experience your ambitions too happy to do a favor without even telling them because they think they have the means to do so now without any thought this is pure coercion what is the technique of fitd you may hear the term used by people who say they have a great chance to get what they want because they already have a type of leverage which opens the door to opportunity for them hence the expression foot in the door for manipulators this is a phenomenon which occurs when they succeed in creating successive demands with successive and favorable results that allow them to do so for example if a stranger calls you and asks you if they can come over and look at the stuff you're storing in your garage you're probably going to say no you would definitely find this application extremely strange and you would think this person is just asking for too much to the extent where you have to go out of the way and do something you just don't want to do if that stranger is a successful manipulator however he may increase the likelihood that you will say yes to his query no matter how absurd it may be because manipulators make you feel you want to help there was an experiment conducted in 1966 where two stanford researchers named four groups of housewives who during the weekdays were alone in their homes the three groups were asked to answer some of the questions they would usually use about certain kitchen items they were contacted again after three days and then asked if they could be visited by some stranger at the house and list all the things they have in their kitchen the second request was received by the fourth group but not the first in this study the fourth group responded the way any person should they did not agree to have someone come to their home and see their kitchen cabinets contents they didn't see any reason some 53 percent of respondents from the three groups who chose to respond to the survey also said yes to the second request however that's why the study concluded that once you manage to make someone do you a favor the next time you ask them there's a higher chance that you get them to do you another favor you can also make them perform a much more complicated task at the same time which may be completely unrelated to the first thing you ask them to do we may be reluctant to do it but they will still say yes to you why fitd works this strategy has been a great tool in maintaining compliance with a variety of community-based applications such as seeking donations placing a sign in people's cars to encourage others to drive carefully and exercising their right to vote during elections for these campaigns the reason it works is because it gives the individual the sense of responsibility while making them feel they are doing something valuable of their own free will the other reason is that people are always going to have a strong sense of community and also like to establish relationships with the people they meet you will find that you have to fill out a survey or registration form every time you make donations which will reinforce your relationship with the organizer since you think you've become familiar and in some way connected to him you're willing to do something else for him even if that means giving away your money but yeah you know you've done it for a reason you have already expressed your support as soon as you have already filled out the questionnaire which allows them to be able to ask for more you'll also find that when the organizer says you could choose if you don't want to you're more willing to donate because you have a choice interestingly you tend to lose the freedom to decide when you're told you can choose freely what to do but as you are more conscious of the world in which you volunteer you think that doing the person or charity a favor is okay based on the above examples you will find that in order to successfully execute the fitd technique the following considerations must be considered one the goal's understanding of favors existence two the partnership you'd like to create with your target three the willingness of the target to perform the next favor or favors it is very critical that you have a method to get the other person committed to the essence of the favor you want him to do for you see how immovable agents get potential buyers attention they are asking them to support the booklet they are distributing they don't pressure them to buy they only distribute very innocuous products without asking them if they need a new house it's very necessary now that initial contact this helps the agent to move on to the second stage the target knows that the agent is just trying to do his job and there is no harm in getting the flyer to help him out the agent then begins by asking questions which in turn produces a report instead he asks for the phone number of the goal that series of favors of course is aimed at making him go into that final favor or asking the target to buy from him a new house looking at this case you need to establish the notion that this individual is doing you a favor and it's a simple one that doesn't damage your assets you're constructing the sequence of favors to build your relationship it's like bringing him into the trap of just saying yes and you're tricking him into believing all the demands you're trying to make are simple place these strategically favors to make him forget the levels of difficulty that you made him do in executing the tasks then let him do the job you want him to do therefore it's very important to consider the target's ability to accomplish the mission it should be fair and he should find it easy to do you can't ask a man strapped to buy a car from you immediately for cash instead you can rely on how quickly he can get a loan and if he can do it for you note that to make your target feel the demands are fair give him easy solutions if you think it's hard for him to do the next favor so all your favors are reasonably easy and your targets would typically be happy to say yes to your requests and do them at some point if fitd does not work people realize that they are being led to do something they are unaware of you may not be able to get them to purchase anything from you if you're trying to sell them a mobile and then they don't want to answer a questionnaire or get a pamphlet you have to rethink your strategy at this stage you can do another technique which is the door in the face technique if fitd does not work ditf acts as the reverse of fitd instead of trying to build relationships and lower your target's anxiety to allow them to satisfy a set of requests for you you can ask him to make one request for you by focusing on something beyond his anxiety level how ditf works people don't always trust other people but that doesn't mean they don't want to collaborate with them the lack of confidence or the fact that what you're asking them to do is awkward might lead them to give you a fair favor so you can get your foot out of the door remember the housewives listed example if the fourth group refuses to have someone list all their kitchen cabinets contents then what would they think about having to answer a kitchen item's questionnaire you're likely to think they'd agree with that most likely because it's more rational and easier to do if the aim of the researcher is to collect survey data from various housewives then by adjusting his query he would still be able to get what he wants the argument is that the people facing the problem only wants it over and done so that they can close the door on the topic so they are likely to comply with smaller demands that do not impact their level of anxiety ditf's main element is the target's desire to get rid of the manipulator but as they also try to establish a positive relationship with each other both the target and the manipulator will think they want to do each other a favor the goal unable to satisfy the first demand will say yes to the second request on the other hand the manipulator would do his target a favor by eliminating the frustration that he created with his first application that said when you use the ditf technique there are two things you need to consider one because of anxiety levels two a very fair first query that your target has the means to satisfy but might not want to a second demand that is more rational and simpler which your goal is likely to satisfy why do you still want the target to do you a favor it has to do with their sense of guilt anybody would feel guilty for not wanting to meet them when demands are very fair and they are within their means the more you press the target to do something reminding him that he has no choice to do or not to do the job even though he is a perfect candidate to do it this guilt builds up as anxiety this logic is also present in the fitd method but instead of accomplishing the goal of establishing a good relationship with you you use his reluctance as a means of helping you out you draw on the things he can do but he doesn't choose to that would exacerbate the depression you want to create and you're doing that without cheating that's why most people are willing to contribute to a cause rather than going out there and becoming a volunteer all tasks are reasonably easy and doing them as a reward to become a better citizen and to fulfill the duty to help the poor not everyone would however be able to do the nitty-gritty tasks of arranging caravans for food or building projects from scratch we think it's too hard to do those things and they don't have the stamina or perhaps even the desire to do them grabbing through their pocketbooks and paying out a donation is much safer for them they feel soothed by their guilt when they give the money and at the same time they receive the reward of being able to fulfill their social duty it becomes a technique in reverse psychology effective for both sides all is about probability as you consider what kind of strategies would have worked best to a given situation you would also have to put yourself in the target shoes which of the questions makes more sense if you're in his situation which one is more enjoyable you'll have to go back to the very idea of building a partnership at this stage and the concept of how to sell an idea to your target everybody wants to experience benefits for their acts but the concept of what a reward is would depend on the target's profile you can note that visual people find things they see done to be more satisfying than those who hear or are confronted with verbal information about them you'll find that knowing people's purchasing styles will help you see what kinds of favors they're more likely to do through identifying the targets you encounter and instantly know their style you make sure to get the idea of how likely your requests are depending on the person you are dealing with you would expect visual people to volunteer to develop the fitd strategic work and make them progress towards more difficult tasks simply because they want to see progress on their own nonetheless you would expect auditors to make donations because they are likely to be pleased with other people's hearing improvement you can use the ditf strategy to increase the likelihood that they will make a donation the more you use the strategy the easier it becomes for you to assess people based on the roles they are willing to perform of course make sure you can clearly offer evidence that they can satisfy the demands you are asking them to increase the likelihood that they will agree with you providing evidence that it does not take much effort for them to perform the tasks they are asked to perform should be of second nature to you especially if you want to increase the frequency of using either fitd or ditf manipulation techniques the proof you put forward would serve as your counter argument to any doubt they have with that in mind you can increase the number of requests you can make without using coercion on your targets this is done in ads all the time and the idea is that people are able to do things and that they are within reach ensures that they are more likely to comply look closely at the tv ads and you will see this technique being repeatedly demonstrated this has been body language secrets and how to analyze people two books in one analyze body language speed read people personality types manipulate and influence people with emotional and mind control written by jake smith narrated by glenn bolteis copyright 2019 by jake smith production copyright by jake smith the end this has been manipulation body language dark psychology nlp mind control and how to analyze people master your emotions influence people brainwashing hypnotism stoicism personality types and persuasion written by jake smith narrated by jason spyer stephen justice and glenn bulthus copyright 2019 by jake smith production copyright by jake smith