Dealing with Narcissists: Key Points and Strategies

Understanding Narcissistic Behavior

• Typical social contracts do not apply to narcissists.
• Narcissists use what you say against you throughout all relationship phases, including the love bombing phase.
• During the love bombing phase, they take mental notes of your vulnerabilities to use against you later.

Things Not to Say to a Narcissist

"I need you to understand this"

• Expressing the need for understanding gives them power.
• Narcissists gain control by withholding the understanding you seek.
• This statement reinforces their control over you, knowing you want something they won't give.
• Leads to rumination and overthinking on your part.

"You're a narcissist"

• Pointless to say because it doesn’t affect them as expected.
• Can provoke a smear campaign or revenge if their ego is hurt.
• Rarely leads to self-awareness or change in their behavior.

"I'm going to hurt you in this way"

• Making threats can backfire as they may use your plans against you.
• Best to keep any plans or ideas to yourself to avoid giving them power.

"You make me feel bad/angry"

• Expressing emotions gives them control over your feelings.
• They manipulate by triggering your emotions repeatedly.
• Keep emotional boundaries and avoid assigning them power over your emotions.

"Why are you doing this?"

• Leads to circular arguments and gaslighting.
• Asking this question often results in frustration and confusion.

Strategies for Managing Relationships with Narcissists

• Recognize that the narcissist won't give you the closure or understanding you seek.
• Focus on maintaining a personal sense of peace.
• If possible, go "no contact" to regain your life and stability.

Additional Resources

• Free download mentioned for further understanding.
• Encouragement to share personal stories for community support.
• Other video resources suggested for dealing with narcissists.

Conclusion

• It’s crucial to keep control of your emotions and not give it away to the narcissist.
• Avoid engaging in patterns that reinforce their control and power.
• Seek support and resources to strengthen your understanding and coping mechanisms.