today we're gonna be talking about five signs that you can get your ex back but first my name is clay with modern love dat life where we help you get the great loving relationship you looking for without having to play mind games without having to play hard to get and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you're not because you deserve to be loved for the unique amazing and wonderful person that you are and if you agree with me do me a favor by hitting that thumbs up button for this channel and if you're new here think about subscribing down below so you can get more videos like this when we publish them okay so what are five signs that you can get your ex back you know I've been doing this for a while I've been doing this since 2009 and I've seen a lot of people in a lot of different situations I mean a lot of different situations I can tell you some pretty crazy stories actually but I've noticed a few common things that kind of tell me if somebody can get back together or not so we're gonna go over those today first one is that you are in contact with your ex they haven't blocked you they haven't walled you out there they're not like refusing to talk to you or anything like that you know it's one thing if you're doing like no contact or active no contact or passive no contact or radio silence or whatever people are calling it these days I mean it's all more or less the same thing unless unless it's active no contact but that's side point if you have the ability to communicate with your ex your ex will respond to you then that means you can get your ex back okay it's gonna be a long and very difficult situation if your ex has blocked you if they refuse to talk to you because they hate you so much or something like that it doesn't mean it's impossible but it's just gonna be a completely different conversation we're gonna be having and a completely different route that we're going to have to take okay if your ex is non-communicative to you it doesn't mean you can't get back together with your ex it just might not be able to happen right now until they're able to work through some of their emotions and feelings and will let go of some of the hurt holding on to okay so keep that in mind that's the first sign that you can get your ex back as if they're open and willing to talk to you okay the second sign that you can get your ex back is if you're willing to make some changes in how you bring yourself to interacting with them and how you bring yourself to their relationship and all of that you know I know that we're all supposed to say oh yeah you know but what about them they they weren't perfect in the relationship either and of course yeah that's that's a conversation we can have at some other point in time but right now they don't want to be in a relationship with you and you want to be in a relationship with them so we have to work on what we can control which is you and how you're gonna bring yourself to the relationship with them so if you're willing to make some changes to improve the dynamic between you and your ex then we've got something to work with and we can move forward and we can make something happen here okay that's something else to consider as well too the third sign that you can get your ex back is if you're willing to initiate things now again if your ex doesn't necessarily want to be in a relationship with you right now and you want to be in a relationship with them otherwise you wouldn't be watching this video so that means that you have to be okay with the idea of initiating things if you want to change their mind you have to take the active role here usually men are okay with this because in most dating situations men are kind of expected for better or worse to take the initiative with things women on the other hand not so much a lot of women that I've worked with have a hard time initiating things they it I don't know it feels like they're doing everything wrong it's like against the grain of their DNA or something like that but it's totally okay it's okay to initiate things I think there's a big misconception in our society that says that you know being feminine is the same as being completely passive I don't think that that's the case at all being feminine is not the same as being passive being feminine is about being receptive and you can absolutely be receptive to things and still be active and still you know take initiative so don't confuse those two things definitely not the same things be okay with initiating things if you're not okay with initiating things if you want to wait for your ex to make the move it might happen but I can't make any promises with you on that okay things are gonna go a whole lot easier if you are okay to take the initiative and okay to make the move so that's definitely one of the signs the next one number four is if you are able to push through hard things pretty much all the situations that I have worked with all the people that I've worked with over the years who have been able to get back together with their exes they have all for the most part had a difficult challenge at some point it has never been a direct and clear straight line or it's like okay do no contact okay great that worked okay now I'm gonna send a text message okay that was great now we're gonna go on a coffee date okay great now we're back together wonderful like maybe that happens sometimes I'm not gonna pretend it doesn't but most of those people don't come to me for help because it's imagined it probably works out pretty smoothly but most people are probably gonna have a challenging time along the way and you have to be able to pull through those challenging times there's a book I often recommend to people it's called the dip it's by assess God in here you can see the author's name if you want to check that out but it's a book about when to quit and when to stick it through and basically the premise I mean it's a short little book you can pick it up and read it it's only like 80 pages I'd still recommend it if you're into this sort of stuff but it basically says that you know you whenever we're doing anything important to us in life we hit a certain spot where we stop getting results based off of the effort that we put in and this is where a lot of people tend to give up and I don't want you to give up when things get tough I want you to be able to pull through so if you are in a dip then that's the time to actually double down and what happens is things start to take off in an exponential sort of way in a of direction so that's something that you need to be able to handle emotionally in order to get back together through exes to be able to pull through these difficult challenging times that come up these struggles these setbacks these things that are gonna come up along the way you know let's be honest it's not always gonna be easy there are gonna be hard times when maybe you have an argument maybe of a setback maybe things seem to be going well but then suddenly something comes out of nowhere and just blindsides you you have to be willing to push through that if you're going to be able to get back together with your ex and the fifth sign that you can get back together with your ex is if you're able to shift from being relationship focused to being connection focused so what do I mean by that okay so people come to me and probably other people online to other coaches online because they want to get back together with their ex they want the outcome of being in a relationship with their ex again and I totally get that but if that is how you're interacting with your ex as if like okay I have this goal of getting back together with you what's it gonna take for this to happen then what's happening many times is that you're often overlooking your ex's emotional state your ex is emotional concerns your ex's frustrations fears worries anxieties all of these sorts of things and if your ex starts to think of themselves as like okay you just see me as a means to an end to get to being in a relationship again then that's not gonna feel good for them they're gonna think that you're just using them and they just happen to be this warm body that's there so that you can tick the box of being in a relationship so you can tick the box of being back together so you can tick the box of being married again or something like that and that doesn't feel good and so what you want to do is you want to shift your focus from being outcome focused towards actually being connection focused that means prioritizing understanding where your ex is at on an emotional level prioritizing empathizing with them prioritize listening to their concerns prioritize understanding what their concerns are and all of these sorts of things and when that happens the organic connection will start to get stronger and as that organic connection starts to get stronger the most obvious thing in the world is going to happen which is going to be that both of you start thinking it feels really good to interact with you right now maybe we should get back together maybe we should give it another go maybe we should try being in a relationship again and so it's important not to put the cart before the horse here and remember that it's not the commitment it's not the relationship that gives you what you're probably after which is the connection the emotions the feelings of closeness and all of that that you're looking for it's actually the other way around it's the connections and feelings of closeness that are actually going to naturally give rise to being in a relationship so let's go for the feelings of connection and closeness and bonding and all of that good stuff and let the relationship organically come out of that rather than aiming for the relationship and hoping that all the other stuff comes with it because I mean you you probably know other people that are married or in relationships or something but the the spark just isn't there they're still together but the relationship is kind of hollow or dead maybe neither one of them has given up maybe they're they haven't broken up with each other but there's just like nothing they're just kind of like putting up with each other and that's not what I want for you I don't think that's what you want for yourself either so let's go for the connection and let the relationship follow rather than aim for the relationship and hope and pray that the connection follows if you can make that shift then there's probably a good chance that you can get back together with your ex too because they're gonna feel a whole lot closer to you once you're able to empathize and understand what they're feeling and they're much more likely to be receptive towards actually working things out down the road once there's more of that emotional foundation in place so once again I hope that these five signs that you can get your ex back have helped guide you in some way I hope they have helped giving you some clarity and once again my name is clay with modern loved-up life if you like what we're doing here give me a favor and hit that thumbs up button and think about subscribing the channel if you're new here if you're already subscribed good on you but if you're not you might want to think about that do me a favor you may also want to check out this series we put together on signs that you can get back together with your ex or you might want to check out this video over here but once again thank you so much for watching I'll talk next time and I hope you have a great