Lecture on Self-Worth in Dating

Jun 26, 2024

Lecture on Self-Worth in Dating đź’–

Introduction

  • Topic: How certain statements can make you appear valueless in relationships, particularly in the dating phase.
  • Objective: To be more aware of how to present yourself and elicit deep, continuous desire from the men you are dating.

Technical Difficulties

  • Acknowledge and confirm all technical issues (e.g., computer, router restarts).
  • Commitment to resolve these issues for future presentations.

Understanding Value

General Perceptions of Value

  • Common Associations: Quality, expense, willingness to trade.
  • Real Meaning: Value is about perception rather than just quality.
  • Example: Comparison between a known $20 bill (fixed value) and a mystery black box (perceived value).

Black Box Example

  • Scenario: A large black box vs. a $20 bill.
    • Participants asked to choose without knowing what’s inside the box.
    • Revealed: Box contained used deodorant.
    • Lesson: Because the contents were unknown, participants projected their desires, increasing its perceived value.
  • Takeaway: Mystery allows for imagination, making something potentially more valuable than the known quantity.

Relationships & Perception of Value

  • Mystery & Imagination: People project their desires and make you their 'dream partner' if there's mystery.
  • Over-sharing: Reduces mystery and imagination, making you more like a known quantity ($20 bill).

Seven Statements to Avoid

1. Statement: Talking About Exes

  • Topic: Discussing how badly exes treated you.
  • Lesson: Makes you appear as a pushover, willing to take a lot of abuse.
  • Perception: Subconscious thought is you’ll tolerate the same mistreatment from him.

2. Statement: Complaining About Communication

  • Topic: “You never text or call me.”
  • Lesson: Makes it seem like your life is boring and dependent on his attention.
  • Perception: You have nothing going on without him, therefore, you might get desperate.

3. Statement: Downplaying Issues

  • Topic: “It’s not that deep.”
  • Lesson: Shows you're spineless and unable to address issues seriously.
  • Perception: Lack of respect for your own concerns = low self-respect = low perceived value.

4. Statement: Asking About Dates

  • Topic: “You never take me out.”
  • Lesson: Comes off as desperate to be treated right.
  • Perception: Seem too desperate to be righted by him; don’t have other options lining up.

5. Statement: Comparing to Past Relationships

  • Topic: “I never get treated this well.”
  • Lesson: Implies low standards and experiences.
  • Perception: Makes him think he's doing more than necessary.

6. Statement: Clinging to Partner’s Time

  • Topic: “I only want to hang out with you.”
  • Lesson: Appears needy.
  • Perception: Lack of individuality makes you seem less interesting.

7. Statement: Seeking Emotional Validation

  • Topic: “You don’t love me anymore.”
  • Lesson: Demonstrates a need for validation.
  • Perception: Makes you appear unable to feel confident without his attention.

Practical Tips

Handling Withdrawals and Disinterest

  • Method: Withdraw without blocking.
  • Effect: Forces him to reflect and realize his mistakes.
  • Reason: Indifference hits harder than hatred; appears less emotional but more impactful.

Live Interaction & Q&A

Multiple interactions with participants for example scenarios.

  • How to handle being in a current relationship and expectations.
  • Practical examples on managing partner's attention and setting boundaries.

Conclusion

  • Emphasis on maintaining mystery, respect for oneself, and strategic communication.
  • Encouragement to avoid desperation and to understand the impact of one's actions and words in dating.