Transcript for:
Life in Indiana: A Personal Narrative

hello hello can you hear me oh damn it on some people call this the middle of nowhere you know one of those places you fly over on your way from somewhere to somewhere else but you wouldn't live here folks right now we're flying over the Great state of Indiana if you'd like to take a look well look down next time and you'll see us down here in the middle hon Indiana heart of The heartman Proud home of little Betty snack cakes the demolition derby for the homeless and the world's largest polyurethane cow so how'd I end up in the middle of the road in this get up here no oh bars I got bars guess it all started a couple of weeks ago and no I'm not an actual superhero not unless you count getting my kids out the door for school every morning I made breakfast come on we're late let's go let's go that's my youngest brick you know how you think giving a kid a cool name will make him cool it doesn't okay now listen today at recess I don't want you wandering around alone on the perimeter all right makes you an easy target you know like like the gazelle that gets separated from the pack you've got to find yourself a group of kids and just stand near them you know you're my hero right Mom thank you honey eat your pancake it's still frozen well look it it'll last longer hey Mike have you seen that envelope with my driver's license from the DMV I need it for work why is this place such a mess that one over there would be Axel since he hit 15 he hibernates in his room and only comes out to Paw through our food and shoot off sarcastic comments oh rough chips nice job Mom yeah I can't hear you if you don't have pants on Mom where's my homework aha [Music] okay when did this happened Mike look at this look at this this is I haven't had my driver's license picture taken in s years okay here's the old one look at this what what happened to me uh well back then you're all young and shiny and wondering what your life's going to be and now well now you know Mom hey come in here if you want to talk to me Axel put some pants on here okay maybe it was just a bad picture I mean yikes Mike does ever bum you out that I'm not young and shiny anymore oh sure honey it's a huge bummer but what are you going to do oh shoot I wanted chips for my lunch I didn't buy any Sue grab a pancake we're late that's Sue she's been going through a bit of an awkward stage for the past 13 years mom the dryer ate my leg warmers again I told you you can't put wet things in the dryer anymore well I need them cuz guess what I'm trying out for show choir this week I know I know that's not an expression parents should have on their faces when their daughter tells them she's trying out for something but see Sue had a long history of things she tried out for a long and painful history and El Club espanol por soy [Music] SOS show choire mhm wow super that that should be fun to try out for now listen dad's going to fix the dryer again but right now I just need everybody to go let's get out the door come on let's go let's go that driver's license picture was a big wake up up Paul from the DMV somehow the life had been sucked right out of me but who or what had sucked it mom mom he's not going to be my bad mom I did teach him the word dad didn't we we're a two job family Mike manages a bunch of bonee heads down at the Quarry for crying out loud and my latest job I'm too smart for is selling cars at orson's last surviving car dealership wow wow wow what a month huh Frankie don't let him intimidate you he may be the king of sales around here but he's been rejected by the Elk Lodge twice I'm not going to say by who it was me really I told him that he's a pedophile no yeah he's not he's not a pedophile wait