let's do the main tweet shall [Music] we she's a cop that's it she says the same thing in every interview and presentation nothing new or inspiring here what the nose is fine the outfit is piggish emoji with the one two three four Pig emojis I really do not like your hand gesture it is very offensive and aggressive looking I'm Greek I love the episode but I need a word with your hairdresser okay what would you like to say to my hairdresser wow it's so amazing so right I'll pass on the message oh another book review if I could give fewer Stars I would writing is cocky and condescending she comes across as a typical abrasive New Yorker thank you I couldn't take it so I going to find something more withth wild you got to grammar check this [ __ ] a whole lot of fluff and very little help the amount of crush words really make it feel like she's trying too hard and comes off as just arrogant the chapters on how to manipulate and trick people to get what you want first of all I don't manipulate and trick people this is an authentic book you obviously didn't read the whole thing it's not ography because you read the books so you sit there and you have you give me a one and you're one star this you can't stop me now you can't i't no more no you can't you can't stop me now no you can't I won't go no more [Applause] no so I get asked this actually quite a bit from a lot of my fans on how to stand up to yourself when you have very strong parents because I'm Greek and you're Greek right the culture is very strong and so family pressures are a real thing and family pressures I think can very often dictate how someone acts in life and for me like when I met Tom it's what we call in the Greek OS so as translation he was a guest which basically means he's not a Greek and even just that word right he's aor stranger an outsider out outsider is an outsider he's not one of us yes exactly when Tom went to ask my dad for his Blessing to marry me my dad said no and Tom didn't understand at the time but my dad was like look you know I've come from a village I've really worked my you know hard to um protect my family to put a roof over her head you know and you're you know a young kid with you know not really a job and you want to marry my daughter and take her to America so my dad just was like you know no I won't give you your blessing and Tom was very respectful and said look thank you for your feedback I'm just going to let you know I respectfully listen to you but I'm still going to propose to your daughter I don't want to do it behind your back so I'm telling you up front and so Tom proposed I'm like so excited you know like losing my mind was so excited thought everyone would be excited and my dad's like a right that that was his response and I'm like I don't understand so I realized after Tom once we celebrated he's like your dad actually didn't want me to propose and I was heartbroken and after I spoke to my dad he was like he doesn't know your culture he doesn't come from where you come from how are you guys going to get along how are you going to bring up your children and I was really upset like really upset heartbroken it didn't make me think do I marry this man or not because I was so in love with Tom that I was like I'm going to marry this man but I didn't know how to handle the negativity coming from my dad because I just wanted my dad to be happy and love us and love the family and be excited for us now at the time I didn't show him how upset I was I was crying on the side I was talking to Tom I was you know Telling Tom how much it broke my heart and I just tried to forget it CU I was like he's my dad I love him I don't want him you know out of my life obviously but um but I'm still going to marry him and even though I can sense my dad isn't happy or Keen um I'm going to show him right like I'm going to show him now 20 years later I actually completely understand where my dad comes from and it wasn't hating it wasn't negative it was his perspective understanding where he came from understanding that for him he'd never seen cultures blend and work I was the first person to actually marry out of the Greek culture on my dad's side of the family so he'd never seen it so just like anything right you see what you when you see something you think it's possible a lot of the time if you don't see something you don't think it's possible back then it was oh my God he's being negative my ego's been dented I feel bad I felt like he was saying I was a bad woman like I couldn't be a good wife and that's why it wouldn't work that's what I heard so when I think about now Family backlash and things like that I just go where are they coming from what's their perspective that they have this View and taking Lisa out of the equation the Lisa personal thing out of the equation I don't have an issue with any of that stuff when it comes to immediate family because I'm able to thankfully for the most part immediate family's you know been okay for me right and I I have been able to maybe not when I was younger but as I got older I let not I don't want to say a lot of things go but I've learned to accept everybody as they are because I'm not perfect so they're not perfect I don't fit the criteria they want me to fit into and I totally get I totally get that so I'm I've actually been okay with having that perspect but didn't your parents were they okay with you being a police officer oh no so how did you handle that them I did it anyway break it down you said I'm going to go to the police force they're like what doing they St speaking to me for how long the whole time I was in the academy what yeah so how I mean how it hurt but I knew I was doing something good I I but how do you how do you actually do that take me through it like having the guts to go I'm doing something good even if I don't speak to my like how do you emotionally get through that girl because here's the thing right now you're you're freaking stoic and I love how like your conviction but I'm sure people at home are wondering but how do you do that you wake up you put your uniform on which is what I did got my gear and I walked out the door and I got in the car and I drove to the police academy I sat there and I thought about everything that everybody said I'll do this I did a checklist am I hurting anybody no and I'm trying to do something good yes do I want to serve yes can I provide for myself yes I did all the checks can I live with this Choice yes can I live with not doing this no that's it really I simplified it sometimes it just is what it is and I was like I can't do this for anybody else this is the job I'm going to do this is the job I'm going to wake up every day to get up to to go to work they didn't understand it I they came from a culture where the women were not in law enforcement I had nobody in my family in law enforcement at all but I had a draw to it a pull to it because I really wanted to make an impact in a different way and help people I grew up with around a lot of crime we were exposed and very vulnerable and I really kind of got sick of of it and look that wasn't the first time I brawled with my parents like I my whole childhood and traveling I mean you forget I just told you know I'm traveling over the country I'm doing all these things so at that point they're like eie you know they kind of got used to me but they still pushed back they were worried about me it wasn't appropriate people thought I was nuts again my my community was like what is she doing there goes Yan's how you say my dad's name in Greek there goes Yan's daughter again that's all I heard even my friends were like what are you doing they're like you want to be a cop but I also felt like the feeling of feeling empowered feel like the feeling of taking care of myself and taking care of other people I just went but then from that I went to the Secret Service and it's just like oh you're going where oh you're G to work in the White House oh maybe not so bad I I I Mar to some extent I March to the Beat of My Own Drum I I've always listened to my inner voice and if it's not I can't do something for somebody else I just can't so long as I'm not hurting anyone and harming anybody but just because somebody thinks something doesn't mean I have to follow it I always ask myself two questions when I struggle with something I say who is this person and why should I listen to them so if you bring me back to this example with my parents right in fact my mom used to lie to everybody when they're like oh what is what does your daughter do now because I just graduated college she would tell them she's a secretary in in Manhattan she's got a really great secretary job oh really she would lie to everybody did that bother you I thought it was funny I thought it was be I just I understood this is a woman though who grew up in a village my I I had that ability to understand the perspective but I was like I'm not going to not do this because you think it's crazy but most people stop there though that's my point that's on them then you don't do it and then you spend the rest of your life bitching and moaning about how your parents did you wrong that's on you there's an expiration date for how long you can blame somebody else for the dreams you didn't achieve at the end of the day when you become an adult that is your choice so I hear you but I'm very adamant about this because when I hear this it's like you chose I chose I lived in the household cuz at the time I lived with my parents they did not speak to me they ignored me they would they would nothing I did it anyway and you know what they came around and everything was okay my purpose in life is not to convince everybody but please I need your permission I would like to do this please give me your permission I will do nothing I will do nothing I will accomplish nothing I'm here to make my own choices right or wrong and I do the best job and I do them to the best of my ability but I am not here to make choices to make the rest of the world Happy Do no harm but live your life [ __ ] yeah look girl I'm so with you like I love your intensity so much I think that's one of the reasons we get along so well CU I have the same mentality the only thing that I have is absolute crippling negative voice as I'm doing it all so I won't stop I won't let other people dictate what I do I may give reasons but I don't abide by other person other people's rules about my own life [ __ ] that [ __ ] never but every step of the way I have the negative voice it was like oh my God you're not going to be liked oh my God what are you doing oh my God that person's not going to like you I just don't let it affect how I show up look with those two questions I was telling you who is this person person why should I listen to them so if we bring it back to my parents right if we bring it back to my mom who is this person this is my mother she grew up in in poverty she grew up in a village where they they were just trying to ser surv there was five six people living in one little room this a quarter of the size of this the rug that we're on she had a different mindset a different upbringing she was just trying to get to the next day and when they came to America again it was the same thing it was just survival this was beyond what she she thought was capable but that's who this person is I understand that now why should I listen to her because she's my mom what experience or expertise does does my mother have to give me give me advice on this specific thing she did not she could not she didn't know what it was like to be a police officer she didn't even understand what I doing even when I put him for the Secret Service she's like oh what is that M I worked uh as a secret service agent for years and she didn't understand you know and I was armed I had a weapon she's like yeah but you don't really use it because I would dress in civilian clothes and so I didn't tell her I went out and I did arrests or search warrant or interrogating criminals she could not understand that so when you ask those two questions you that helps me at least assess why I should listen to person who is this person are they relevant human being in my life so my mom's a relevant human human being in my life why should I listen to them H maybe not something I should listen to her about because she has no knowledge about this it's so freaking strong and for me that's exactly why I got to that place that you're talking about as an adult right like understanding where my dad come from CU we've spoken a lot about the fact that our both our parents came from villages with holes in the floor as their toilets that's how um you know impoverished our parents have come from I Love what you're saying it took me a while to get there I didn't think like that which is why when my dad first said that I was very upset because I saw my dad as a voice of authority and it's interesting cuz I never thought about it until you were just breaking it down I was like why would ien listen to my dad like why was my inclination to listen to my dad every time is because he was a very dominant voice in my life of authority and so out of habit it became a oh if your dad says this then that must be true and that was one of the moments where I actually went against his wishes or went against him very deliberately and in that moment I like I really want my dad to be proud of me but how can I be proud of myself if I don't follow my own heart and I hate to freaking say it and it's heartbreaking to ever think you know and obviously you've lost your father um but I do think about that that my parents aren't going to be around forever that when you think about your family or your extended family they they aren't going to be there in dayto day let alone for the rest of your life so what happens when that happens when you've lost touch with someone or that someone passes away who are you living your life for then and that really freaking hit me though where it's like it doesn't mean I don't love someone it doesn't mean that I don't respect them it doesn't mean that if someone gives me opinion that I don't agree with that I still don't respect them or have you know intense feelings for them I do but I don't have to listen to them well I guess I kind of look at it this way with your scenario who has to wake up every morning roll over and look at Tom you or Dad you do I I think sometimes it's just that simple your your family members can have good intent for you that there's nothing malicious in that but you just have to understand when you should and shouldn't listen just because somebody is your family member and maybe they have good intent that does not mean it's in harmony with who you are and your value system and it does not mean that you're supposed to listen it's it's not being defined it's just being I have to choose well it's but look I think in the grand scheme of things that's a pretty low-level thing when it comes to family it's just being like this is my mom this is how she is this is my dad this is who they are they mean no harm they do their best you accept them as they are rather than fighting them I didn't waste my time fighting with my parents trying to convince them oh I had no energy I'm going to the police academy I was getting my ass kicked every day it I was going to get kicked out if I didn't make the cut I I I was so I had to be focused so I didn't have the time I didn't have the freedom I didn't have that I was going to miss this opportunity when I went to secret service training same thing I could not be distracted by them actually that's interesting did their belief that you shouldn't be doing it have an impact of how you showed up at the police force was there any internal thing that was like I'm going to prove it like did it help you on your mission probably I think whenever I've gotten push back or hate or like when people like you can't do that I think there's a saying I'm completely going to butcher it but I really like it it's like I can't quit now I've got a whole bunch of [ __ ] to prove wrong I love that I always think of that thing but I do it for myself yes people can give you drive I think but I never look it don't get me wrong it was hard it's hard sure it hurts your soul and makes you sad like I wasn't just like you're happy coming home it was hard I'm coming in the house nobody wants to talk to me everyone's ignoring me everyone thinks I'm nuts you get tired of that but I knew it was temporary and I knew they would they would get over it I think the harder hate is when you get real hate from people because the you know that is something I've experienced is is getting hate from folks people friends or people you know where it's like very cruel hate or mean hate people that can become bullies to you I I've seen that perspective I've actually dealt with that and and having people kind of come at me that way that has been a bit hard because I've always been very like mindful I have to kind of monitor who's in my neighborhood or who I have in my circle and over the years I truly I've had slowly like to kind of filter people out and push people in I didn't always make the best choices with having people around me or the people I had Around Me Maybe turned into not so good people sometimes when people give you hate has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them but I always ask myself if somebody say something to me is there any truth to what they're saying and if there isn't or if I see this chaos this volatility this cruelness because I have been the recipient of very cruel words and hatred I usually my default is like I don't I've had to like literally cut people out of my life I haven't done it a lot but I I feel like once you cause me harm or once you do that I there's nothing I can do if somebody's capable of giving hate and cruelness I'm not that person I've never been that person so once I hear that meanness that hate it's at that point it's like I can't you I can't be around you where do you have any like process cuz as you were talking I was like H that's interesting how we have almost different stages of cutting people out it's like oh I'm just going to accept this person for who they are because I love them and so they're going to hay or have let's say doubt or negative thoughts about what I'm going to do but I love them so I'm going to keep them alive option number two is um I really love them but I can't have them in my life on a day-to-day basis so I'm going to engage with them Christmas and Easter and then the third tier is yeah I can never speak to this person again cuz they are absolutely bad for my self-esteem my mental state and so I'm cutting them out completely do you ever then take someone and go which bucket are they going to go in cuz as you were talking I was like I think I do that I don't think of it as buckets but it's really interesting like you always try to find the good in people but I also because I know human nature just because you try to find the good and somebody doesn't mean that they're always operating on that level you know I think we all have good and bad and most of us try to keep the good up here but sometimes the bad prevails but the thing is these people don't know that they're doing that they think that I'm right to do this this I'm right to unleash on you and then maybe because some people perceive me as being a strong person they bring out the heavy if they want to like say something to me I haven't had that often in cutting people out but I've probably done it on one or two occa definitely one occasion or two maybe two where I'm like I probably two where somebody was Tethered to me in somewh and I'm like this person is not a good person I've completely pushed them out I'm happy to give love I've got love but I got no time for hate no when Tom asked my father for his Blessing to marry me he said no he didn't believe that our cultures could actually coexist that two different people from different worlds can actually come together and have and build a beautiful relationship and yet 19 freaking years later here we are [Music] when I think of hate and the hate that is given to someone there is probably one person that from my experience I think probably receives the worst hate out there and that was the president and the public figures I protected I would see them get hate on a one toone I would see them get hate on public television and in the media I always marveled at the fact that they were being insulted in in every way you could potentially think of and yet they would get up on stage and give a speech or we would drive by with the motorcade and somebody would be holding a racially obscene comment about the Pres the first lady Barack Obama and I always wondered how amazing it was to me that you could have that level of hate have people protesting or even people outside the White House we would have crowds probably every other night protesting outside the White House and it didn't matter which president it was I want to be clear like I saw this across the board with all the different presidents and I thought what strength you must have to be able to have people humiliate you and insult you on a public platform no less out there for everybody here even on a megaphone I mean you would hear the the the name calling and yet you got to show up to work you can't hide and go into the fetal position you have to wake up you have to get up on that stage you have to speak to all those people you have to get up and give a speech you still have to run the country you still have to do your job you can't fall apart and it's interesting because when people reach that status a lot of the public forget that's it's a human being with neg negative thoughts insecurities yes I mean look you have to have a level of confidence an extreme level of confidence and fortitude to do that job but still at the end of the day I always wondered if what that person who gave the hate to them how they would receive if that hate was given back w i mean God that's so strong especially in real time like to not show as you're watching this hate go on constantly to still show up do your job be inspiring hold strong right because let's face it a president can't look weak and at least for me like when I get my own ha on whether it's the YouTube channel or anything it's like sometimes it's things I have to go back I have to like lick my wounds I have to process it and then I you know process and then come back forward and I remember this so much because it was one of those Pinnacle moments where it's like you have a choice and that choice can take you over here or take you completely over here and the comment was Lisa it was an interview and it was like Lisa I really love the interview but I got to say your pink leg warmers and your pink um s and your 90s style is just so offputting I can't watch the interview now in that moment I am so freaking driven girl and you know me by my goal what am I trying to get to and how do I get there and what am I willing to sacrifice in order to get there and so I just I abide by that rule and so as I'm reading it I'm like okay my goal is to impact people as I'm reading the comment they are literally saying the way I I look the way I dress my style is actually putting them off my goal of impacting them because they can't watch my content anymore so normally I'm driven by my goal so usually it's easy for me to go cool I can pivot yep but the second it was hate it was personal it was about me it brought up all the freaking insecurities that Lisa Lisa had when she was a kid like not good enough what the hell are you doing you I can't believe you're wearing that all of these things I was so scared scared about being mocked as a kid that I abided by what people said now I'm my own person I've got this show and here I am in this situation where it's my goal or my identity and I literally stepped back and I said okay remove the emotion from it right oh my God like I want everyone to like me I'm not going to freaking like I don't like I actually call BS when people are like I don't care if I'm liked or not if you had a choice just a choice would you choose someone to like you or not like you you would probably beefer to be liked okay so that's if it was in harmony with who you are and your Collective things right correct but I just think in general people want to be liked yes so because I have a very part of me that is that insecure Lisa that was bullied as a kid and didn't feel good about herself I do want to be liked I don't pretend that I don't but the key is to not make that dictate who you are and how you show up every day so for me in this situation I had to sit there and go it's your goal or your identity what's more important and in that that moment I said okay it stings I really want this woman to like me I really want this woman to like love the show but at the end of the day if I betray who I am who I feel like I want to show up every day to be who I try to be every day if I betray that why am I doing a show to try and Empower women I I would feel like a liar I would literally feel like I'm doing the antithesis of what I'm trying to my goal in trying to impact people I'm sitting here saying own who you are I'm sitting here saying don't let other people dictate who you are and yet I'm considering changing the set changing the way I look for my goal but ultimately I'll be betraying myself and in that moment I actually took the hate that really hurt that really upset me and I had utter freaking Clarity and my response was thank you so much for this I'm saddened that my outfit doesn't driive with what you like but this is authentically me and who would I be if I didn't show up every day to be authentically me so thank you but if you can't watch it then I respect that you need to unsubscribe to the channel and so the question for me is instead of trying to change their mind how do I handle it how do I show up when someone comes at me um and so that's part of my process and then I get pride and I get proud of being that girl that would have once let this crumble her and yet being able to articulate it process it and then actually respond bond in kindness right like that was a big thing for me instead of been like well [ __ ] you if you don't like my pink leg warmers and you go [ __ ] you know [ __ ] off and go somewhere else I could have done that and emotionally that was exactly what I want to do immediately but again it doesn't serve me it doesn't serve my goal it doesn't serve who I'm trying to be as a human and as a woman like who I want to be proud to be that doesn't fit in an alignment so I'm like no I'm not going to act like that when you get hate or you feel that you're getting bullied do you you look at it is like is this about what I'm actually doing and I need to change or is this about my identity correct and if it was let's say everyone hated on this show everyone I would just stop doing it my goal is impact and if everyone freaking hates it it's like I'm fine I don't need to be famous like that's not the goal here the goal is impact got remember I know what my goal is so cool I can create impact in other ways I can create impact on young girls I can you know create comic books I can create impact in million different ways so if my goal is impact and no one's watching the show great cool what can I learn from it how do I take that lesson and move it to the next strategy or the next you know idea or goal there but I wouldn't keep going on something if it wasn't in alignment with who I am and what my goal is I you know I agree with you I try to read my comments because I have people that want to engage with me and I feel that if you take the time to write me a comment I want to try to put as much energy as I can in responding to you I do get like a lot of DMS but occasionally you get these these comments or these messages I don't know I don't know if maybe I don't want to say I laugh them off but I'm just like I kind of just keep scrolling I I've never really sat on them but again I mean I really had front and center a great stage where I saw public figures just getting demolished called names we call them a hecklers we had something called a policy so when the president or first lady um would get out and speak to a big crowd we had a policy now as an agent I could never intervene as if the president's life was not in danger or the person who I I was protecting if their life was not in danger I could not intervene in any way I was not there to silence people's voices or the first amendment constitutional right people have a right to call the president first lady whatever they want to call them but you'd see a protecte up on stage giving a speech and then just somebody gets up and I hate you and I this and you're all these this stuff and sometimes they'd engage and say Hey you know I'm sorry you feel that way or okay and then sometimes they remove the people if they wouldn't comply if they be started escalating becoming more violent because we didn't want the environment to escalate but I remember thinking if that person if he or she whoever I was protecting could could take that I can take anything so take me through because I I think I remember you saying actually and you've said a few times when you've done interrogations they you're sitting across from people who freaking hate you oh I never even thought about that and what you stand for so talk to me in those moments because here's actually even more interestingly so they're hating on you and you need something from them you can't just walk away you can't just freaking scroll so in the interview interrogation room they hated me for what I symbolized and you didn't take that personally then no they didn't hate me Evie they didn't know me but they hated what I represented the US government uh special agent law enforcement if they spoke to me they might go to prison or jail or they just I was the investigators so I was the person who brought them in they they didn't know me personally that's a different kind of hate that hate I had no issues with I was I was okay with it as long as I was ethical I did my job I was above board and I didn't violate violate anybody's rights as long as I maintain my Integrity which was of the utmost importance after that bother me I had no issues and I maintained that throughout my my career all right so give me I don't I know that you can't ever do like do these three things and you're fine like I know that you hate that but what are those like for the public haters right the hate yeah well one is I kind of scroll through my messages in my DM if we're talking about strangers I'm very kind of because I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't I would never do anything plus I mean I find comfort in that everybody who does this gets hated because when you have the nerve to speak and to share people are going to hate on you now but we're all exposed to this in different ways in our lives we have strangers who judge us and hate us so you're asking me like how do I deal with it one I shut that [ __ ] down I don't expose myself to it I don't reread it over and over and over again I scroll through it I understand and I I have that moment where am I doing everything I can am I doing the best at everything I can uh am I expressing myself in the best way I'm going to be a person I might make a mistake I will there's there's no way I won't and or is it my ego is it my fragile ego that's going to be offended but if my ego is that fragile I'll never do anything and I often respect Talent out there or individuals who get extreme hate and yet they show up to the party what's up I'm here have you ever had that Sting from a stranger's comment though sure sure like I sure I'm sure like when I think of like maybe a common on my feed or something but strangers it's not just on social media though like you can have strangers people that know you that are acquaintances make comments and say things about your people in your community I remember I remember this and to this day and I this bothers me um when I was younger I grew up in a very um cocooned cultural environment like you and when I was in college I wanted to go abroad and go study overseas it was like one of the biggest passions I had I wanted to get out of my cocoon go learn different languages which is one of the things that actually helped me learn like five six different languages that I speak I think it's six one of the first semesters and I did is go to Italy and I had to push very hard to convince my parents they finally gave way because of the kid that I was they agreed and they supported it and I went to Italy and I remember before going to Italy all my friends the community friends I have were and back then it was a little bit different I think things are changing now but there was like what are you doing where are you going and my friend's parents began talking about me and the people in the community were talking about me about how was shaming my family and the word [ __ ] was introduced only a [ __ ] does that and just just to repeat going to Italy yes to go study at the American University of Rome so I can go educate myself to do a semester in another country so I could learn about art I was an art minor and history and to learn how to speak Italian they equated that to me leaving to go gallivant around Italy as if I can't gallivant in new New York City I I want to I was in college yes that stung that stayed with me to this day I hate that word when I hear the word [ __ ] I I one had nothing to do with the other and would Disturbed me more it was my friends also were like yeah that's kind of why would you do that and I'm like because I don't want to stay in the small world but in my culture it was very much frowned upon and I kind of felt bad I don't want to say I felt bad for my parents but they were hearing this from the community you let your daughter do what you let your daughter go here well I went to Italy came back it's the best thing I ever did and I we did a semester at school then I signed for another semester I went to Mexico learned myself some Spanish did a whole semester in Mexico loved it came back did another semester in college in the United States done I did another semester overseas in Europe and then in Northern Africa and in college while my friends were in the clubs the same friends that were calling me who were going along with the your a [ __ ] theme and not pushing back to their parents they were in the clubs I was in another country's learning languages and educating myself so you tell me whose opinion matters when I was growing up when day I came home and I was very upset somebody had said something very hateful and cruel to me when I came home I found my father and I told him he took me he sat me down and I was waiting for him to give me the sage advice tell me how to handle it so he leans in and he looks at me and he says did you say he said to me you don't let anybody make you into a victim right now you're a victim you're sitting here you're crying and you're upset he's like you'd never allow anybody to do that to you I've always kept that now you don't have to say it to someone you don't have to verbalize it I usually don't at least not in personal relationships but there are those moments where you feel diminished and rather than letting somebody Crush you or annihilate you or for you to take on that role of the victim find that internal voice inside of you to say no I'm not going to let you do this to me [Applause] [Music] I'm going to share a story with you I've not shared this story with anyone else but I will share it with everyone and it's one of those moments where I was upset with myself it doesn't happen a lot but I was really upset with myself I was asked to do a TED Talk pretty much almost like right after I left the service and they're like hey do you want to give a TED Talk Ted X excuse me I want to make sure I say it tedex and I said sure great let me do it on Words powerful weapon I based it off of um my background doing interviews but there's this like little voice in the back of my head and it was Evie who are you to get up on that stage and give a tet talk like there's other agents out there that are more senior to you that have more experience than you that have more knowledge than you to my knowledge at that point no former agent had ever gone on stage to do that and I was worried about what other people would think rather than focusing on my Ted X and I got up spit stage I did okay it's okay you guys can Google it you can watch it it's okay but I didn't own it because I was more concerned with being on stage this is online I'd never done anything online before it lives forever what are my former colleagues going to think about what I'm doing they're going to be like who does she think she is to get up on that stage this guy has more experience that guy has more experience sure is there somebody with more time more experience there there's always going to be but this is the opportunity that was given to me based off of my experience and my expertise and I didn't own it Lisa I did all right I didn't give it my all and to this day I regret it and after that I was like you know I had this one chance this one opportunity and I blew it and this is the one true time where I could say the impostor syndrome came in where I was like I you know why am I on the stage I shouldn't be here and I mad at myself to this day because I didn't get up there I didn't own it I didn't reject my voice I let I didn't ruin it but I could it just could have owned the moment and I didn't own the moment because I was worried about what other people would think of me more so what my former colleagues would think of me so explain to me then because in the last segment you literally with your parents and stuff you said I'm not going to let them dictate what I'm going to do what people think of you what's the difference then between that and this because this was public you're on stage there's hundreds of people there never done anything like that before so now it's you're getting into a different space a different environment it's you I don't know what it was and it's fair it's like jumping in front of bullet no problem that's what I'm saying like it's yeah it was just different it was different but it's also exposure it was very difficult for me to wrap my R my mind around but I knew I would have hate out there somewhere but I also just allowed that to get here mhm right like oh who is she who you know I don't know if you've ever felt that way where people like who's Lisa to have like a to be out there speaking oh yes all the time I mean I just literally had it like a few months ago where someone reached out a wonderful liter literary agent reached out and was like you know oh to Tom actually and was like would Lisa be interested in writing a book and Tom comes up to me he's like babe I just got an you know a text you know they reached out you interested in r a b I was like oh that's nice and I just literally went back to work and he's just standing he's like bab did you just hear what I said like you got offered like someone wants to offer you a book and I was like no no that's great that's that's very sweet and he's like why are you being so non Shalon and I was like like who would buy a book from me and he literally looked at me he's like what the [ __ ] are you talking about and I kind of at the moment I was like well that's so not my mentality like that you know me that I don't think like that I'm like okay be as good as you POS possibly can be work [ __ ] hard show up every day to be the best person keep learning every day you're going to get better that's my attitude and this negative it didn't even DW on me that I had already dismissed myself and I was like huh wow that part of me still exists and it was actually very powerful because I was like Lisa that's the old negative selft talk because even though it's still very real like it's still very real in me it's like but it hasn't stopped you before and also thinking like that does it serve you yes or no like does that mindset serve your goal or not serve your goal it doesn't serve me my goal is to impact people so thinking that I'm incapable of writing a book that anyone would buy doesn't serve my goal so in that moment I was like Wow give myself Grace for having the negative thought give myself Grace for still having that part of me that is still that 14-year-old girl that thinks negative thoughts about her give myself Grace but immediately [ __ ] kick myself in the ass and get back up and don't take that [ __ ] from anyone especially yourself for the most part I my inner critic I've silenced them in a sense but there's moments especially in this career that I'm not familiar with where I don't know but I I'll try to reach out to get information from people if I'm questioning something I'll bounce my issues off of someone else or I'll have that moment is this just am I just being insecure and not seeing this the right way or is this you know a real legitimate thing yeah yeah like is this I do the same is this the young insecure Lisa that's just showing up again or is this actually something that I need to pay attention to because that's also another thing is that the inner critic like to me shouldn't always be silence the inner critic sometimes is warning you or telling you something and so like I've said before my inner critic the negative voice is my best mate because I can't stop the inner critic I can't stop the negative voice so I just go okay instead of stopping it what if it was my friend what if it's trying to tell me something what are you trying to tell me friend and literally sometimes it will tell me something I'm like oh my God thank you so much I was about to go in that meeting unprepared and that negative voice saying you're not good enough you don't know what you're talking about oh I don't know what I'm talking about oh [ __ ] it's right I don't I need to go research so it's actually served me once I'm able to distance my emotions from it so taking away the emotion what is it trying to tell me sometimes it's not trying to tell me anything it's just the echo of the 14-year-old insecure Lisa and in those moments I go oh okay it's just the echo don't listen to it so I'm able to kind of take it and then assess if it's something that's powerful or if it's just that part of me that I haven't been able to to quiet it's really important to be aware of that in a Critic and really not allow that to actually make a home in your head it's I get it that it's going to surface but it's they can be like a guest who shows up from time to time but they can't be that guest who never leaves right right right it can't be my partner it can be my friend yes or even a far a far acquaintance but it's it's really important when it comes to how you hold yourself back when I was working on my book I interviewed uh an individual who is part of the training process for special ops military Special Ops and this is where they take this isn't just average military this is high-end Special Operations tactical you're talking about the elite of the elite and I asked uh this person who's part of that training design I said how do you take the average person and make them this Warrior and the uh the individual said to me I we don't the average person doesn't apply only the people who truly believe that they can do this only those people apply so before we've even had a chance to select anybody out people self- select it's purely your belief system it's purely so those people who are have doubt who don't think they can they've already self- selected out and I've always been of the mindset I want somebody else to tell me no the first no will never come from me oh no is like not when I hear no I I don't hear no I hear not yet remember this one story with my dad when he came to America so my dad came to America Greek immigrant like very broken English very ethnic looking I'm you know I look a certain way my dad looks straight out of like the Middle East um he's very ethnic looking so when he came to America he was uh it was in Harlem we lived in Washington Heights Harlem area he was trying to find the job and he would go to different places to different coffee shops and diners and put in for a job and and nobody was hiring him no no no and then finally he goes into this coffee shop in Harlem and he says to the person please I need a job and the person's like no I don't need anybody and my brother you know my dad was getting my dad was getting desperate at that time he's like no please I need a job he's like I really and the guy's like no thank you I've got enough and then kind of pushed you know scored my dad to the door and then finally my dad turned around and said to him I will work for you for free I will work for you for free he's like just try me out let me work for two weeks try me out you pay me nothing pay me nothing if I'm good you keep me if I'm no good then I can at least say I have experience so when I go look for a job and I always remember that story and how he pushed back cuz all he heard was no no no no no no and so I always when I hear no I hear it not yet so he ends up you know so he says it to the man the man kind of just like throws his hands up in the air my dad's kind of standing there they're defeated and my dad's like you know I'll take trash out I'll clean up I'll do whatever you want me to do so the guy leaves and my dad's thinking it's over and he goes to go out the guy comes out with a mop and he's like here go ahead dumpsters in the back and so he began working his first job in America for free and he did he worked for free for about two weeks and then he was eventually offered a job so I always think of like that determination of I have to find work and to be to deal with that rejection and that inner critic that defeated part of yourself to think horrible things about yourself and I guess you find a way to kind of dismiss that inner critic you know yeah that's so powerful there is something so beautiful about proving yourself um and it actually made me think about how when we started Quest and we were building it I didn't have any experience whatsoever and as we were getting bigger and bigger and bigger I was very insecure about me running a Division I was like I don't freaking know what I'm doing like if I had like 40 employees after two years we grew so quickly I had 40 employees onne I like I've never been a boss before I don't have to like I just learn on the job and so over time it was like okay I don't know what I'm doing but I can get better I can learn and in that process as I went from that to building our studio our Film Studio at Quest I was started the insecure Lisa comes back back right okay now I finally got back into you know television I've got a studio I'm building it but I'm hiring these people with more experience than I have and so as I'm hiring these people with more experience I start to feel less qualified for the job I took the role originally I was just helping out remember I'm just helping my husband so I build the the um the shipping Department with no real title I was like I'm just building this to help the company and then when I transitioned over to okay now I want to we were financially you know the company was getting successful we were doing content re Quest so I started to build out the studio so going over to build out the studio I needed the title so I was like the head of studio and so I was like okay that feels really good I love this title it's Studio related which goes back to my roots I've worked my ass off I've paid my dues now I'm here I want to be seen as the head of the studio but over time I was like I'm hiring these people that are more experienced than I am and I'm like crap like a people can think that I have this job because I own the company I didn't like that feeling because I'm like but that's terrible you should only have something because you're qualified to do it whether you're the [ __ ] owner of the company or not so I turned around to Tom out of my own insecurities I turned around to Tom and I pulled him aside one day and I was like babe if ever you don't think he's the presid of the company so again I very much respect roles and titles if you ever don't think I'm performing at the level of my title I want you to either demote me fire me or higher above me and it was out of my own ego and confidence that I did it because I never wanted to worry about whether I was doing a good enough job and I beat I used to beat myself up a lot like do better do better what the [ __ ] Lisa you're you're messing up so I'd push myself and I couldn't actually see if I was doing a good job anymore so I literally turned to him and I said that to him and he looked to me and he's like babe you know the goal in my life is to protect my family and provide for my family he's like so even if my wife is the one getting in the way don't worry I'll fire you or I tell you you're [ __ ] up because you're not going to get in the way of me providing for you it was actually a very sweet moment but um I needed to say that out loud I needed to for my own sake but this is where I think that inner critic voice can take away from us because rather than and it's it reminds me a bit of my Ted ex example that I gave you rather than you just focusing on your job and putting your energy and just doing great and enjoying it and focusing it there was a part of you that was distracted because you were worried that you didn't belong there you didn't this you didn't that and so not all the energy all that cognitive that cognitive load which is limited and all that emotional energy that you have because it's finite rather than you just focusing on what you need to do it was pulling you this way so right so I hav't it okay so I going to give you an example when I began to surf to learn how to surf which I'm not very good just want to put that out there I I do it cuz I love it I love you know the movement and I love the ocean but when I began to Surf I took lessons on in Long Island in New York which is a a very rough surf it's not like the Hawaii surf which is nice and I began learning to surf at during the the month where there's a lot of waves I remember that waves they told us they're like hey this is a rough month rough time to learn I was like all right that's fine so the instru takes us all out on our longboards uh out by the coast and this was the rockaways Rockaway Beach um rockaways Long Beach in New York in Long Island and so he says okay guys he shows us the moves and he says start practicing your Surf and he's like but just by the way he's like there's some rocks here and there were there were rocks there he's like just you know just stay away from the Rocks don't let the current pull you into the Rocks right so he shows us the moves and we start surfing so the whole time I'm surfing it's like being pulled to the rocks being pulled to the rocks and I swear I spent probably a solid hour just paddling away from the Rocks I paddle away I get pulled and I'm exhausted paddling is the hardest part of Surfing and in the waves it was hard and I just kept going and going and I'm getting frustrated and I'm thinking this sucks what was I thinking so the surf instructor finally comes over he's like what are you doing he's like I told you to stay away from the Rocks I was like yes I'm trying to stay away from them they're right there you told me to stay away from them they keep getting pulled in and he's like that's because you keep looking at the Rocks he's like where are you trying to go I said the beach he's like so why don't you just focus on the beach he's like forget the rocks are even there and so sure [ __ ] I get up on my board I push the Rocks aside in my head and I just I look at the beach I look at the beach and he told me he's like where you focus is where your board is going to go and as soon as I did that guess where my board went that way but because I was so focused on the rocks my board was going to the Rocks so all I have to say is focus on where you want to go because you don't have the bandwidth to waste it on anything else interesting psychological breakdown of communication like Monica Lewinsky she also wanted to be under Bill Clinton's [Music] Des how can someone be so selfish there are thousands of women men who can't have children but would love to have them when some who can't but don't for their own selfish selves imagine if your parents thought like you were would you be here today huh I hope your partner doesn't secretly want kids oh God but hasn't got the courage to tell you because without knowing if that's the case you only made another family member heartbroken for your selfish selves wow I didn't see any of this coming this comment would have impacted my decision to say out loud that's how powerful words can be but luckily today as you see me here I'm reading this with utter freaking confidence that I made the right decision so now with utter compassion I ask this person why they actually care what's their position that they are hating and calling me selfish for not having [Music] children she's always just so you know she's always like this find the confidence find the confidence to do this Unstoppable scene 1.6 take one