Narcissistic Reactions to Losing Primary Source of Supply

Introduction

• Speaker: Danish Andar, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Professional and Psychologist
• Topic: Narcissistic reactions upon losing their primary source of supply
• Objective: Spread awareness about narcissistic abuse

Hierarchy of Supply

• Narcissists categorize their sources of supply based on importance:
  • Primary Source: Most important, difficult to replace
  • Secondary Sources: Interchangeable, easily discarded and replaced

Importance of Primary Source

• Example: Married male narcissist with a committed wife
• Role of Primary Source:
  • Provides validation, admiration, acceptance
  • Helps maintain narcissist’s societal image
• Narcissist may treat primary source better to retain them:
  • May go to therapy
  • Make promises of change

Losing the Primary Source

• When a narcissist is about to lose their primary source:
  • Pretend to change
  • Seek therapy or religious guidance
  • Confess to their narcissism
  • Make promises to improve for the family/children
• Example: Speaker’s own experience with his narcissistic mother
  • His departure led to her temporary collapse
  • Prevented permanent collapse by another family member stepping in

Narcissistic Collapse

• Trigger: Losing the primary source, especially with no immediate replacement
• Symptoms: Depression, withdrawal, questioning of self-worth
• Example: Session with two sisters (one narcissist, one empathetic)
  • Narcissistic sister acknowledged her behavior but did not truly intend to change
  • Eventually collapsed when empathetic sister went no-contact

Advice for Secondary Sources

• Feelings of doubt and worthlessness when witnessing narcissist’s efforts to retain the primary source
• Speaker advises against giving into manipulations when narcissist seems to be collapsing or remorseful
  • Narcissists often use collapse to manipulate for temporary empathy

Conclusion

• Understanding the different reactions towards primary and secondary sources offers insight into the narcissist’s behavior
• Encourages comments and interaction from audience
• Closing words: “Let the healing begin and continue”