Welcome back to my YouTube channel. I'm Elia Onora and today we're discussing how you can choose to no longer care. So the first thing you want to do is to ask yourself, am I here to give or am I here to take?
Whenever you enter in a relationship, whenever you start working on a project, when you want to achieve something, there is always an unconscious intention you have. Like, let me give you an example. So over a few days ago, I was praying to the creator. I was praying about a project that I have been working on for a very long time and that hasn't been taking off. Or it has, but like not as fast as I thought it would.
And as I was praying, there were tears coming out of my eyes. Like I really meant my prayer. If my intention is to give, my intention is to uplift.
As I was praying, I hear this voice, this inner voice that said, but are you there to give or to take? And then I thought to myself, but I'm here only to give. And then as I said. that I realized that it is not true because if it was only to give I wouldn't care that it is not going as fast as I want to. If I was only there to give I would show up every single day.
I wouldn't be discouraged by the performances. I wouldn't be discouraged by other people's opinion. I wouldn't be discouraged about the process taking longer than it should but because unconsciously I am trying to get something well I find myself caring too much. You want to ask yourself, am I here to give or am I here to take?
I was talking with a friend that I just met. And as we were talking and drinking our coffee together, he shared with me how he loved this person. Every time he spent time with this person, everything is going well.
But then once he leaves, like he's overthinking, he has a lot of discomfort. So I told him, are you there to give or are you there to take? He looked at me, he said, well, I don't know. I think I'm there to give. I said, well, if you were there to give, well, you wouldn't care.
It's just the fact that you want to give. get from him that makes you overthink and makes you want his approval when i said that he just looked at me that's the truth whether you want to start your youtube channel whether you want to start a project a business a relationship if you walk into that project into that relationship and you walk there with the intention of i am only here to give well you will automatically stop caring you will detach yourself from wanting other people's approval because you are there to give anyways and because you're coming from the right place. The next thing is you want to ask yourself to whom.
So whenever you catch yourself overthinking, whenever you want to wear a dress, whenever you want to go on a date, whenever you want to post a picture, a video on YouTube and you catch yourself thinking, well they will think or they will say. Stop yourself and ask yourself to whom. The name of the person that comes up in your mind is the person you're giving away your power and that's the truth. I grew up in an environment where reputation was everything. especially with my family we had to be very careful because if you lost your reputation you lost your life and i couldn't relate with that but i remember that there was just one time where i actually really cared and it was when i walked into my first relationship i couldn't care less what anyone would say about me but if he would think something of me i wouldn't be okay my to whom was this person and everything i did was out of his perspective the second question is Why?
I want you to ask yourself the question why five times. That's how I healed. I couldn't care about no one's opinion, but when it came to my first boyfriend like everything mattered. Everything mattered. If he thought I was pretty, then I was pretty.
If he thought I wasn't that pretty, then I would like change my hair a little bit for him to think that I was pretty. I was 17 years old, so it's a little bit understandable. I healed very quickly because I recognized the pattern within myself.
Then I also realized for myself, well, he is my to whom. I don't know why. Then the second why, I don't know why. And then the third why, maybe because I want his approval.
Okay, but why? Maybe because without his approval, I don't feel whole on my own. again why then I realized that the reason why is because usually for a woman a father is the person who will define your level of confidence and self-worth so if you had a father who was very very uplifting and very present in your life then you automatically have that inner confidence and that internal validation but if you lacked the presence of a father well you keep seeking that in other people especially when you enter in relationships now if you were around an abusive father that's a whole other story then you become almost addicted to their approval ask yourself why five times until you get to the core of what is actually going on if you have people around you who love you who see you and who value you you are less likely to go outside and seek that from strangers When you have a powerful circle that you have created for yourself, it becomes very easy to detach yourself from what other people think or say.
You want to find a way to create a powerful circle around you. The way I did it for myself is just thinking to myself, well, the highest version of myself, she has a strong support system around her. Now, how has she created that support system?
Then I started closing my eyes and started thinking to myself, what are all the activities where I know that I'm going to... find like-minded people. I go to Agape. So that's an event, a spiritual event where people come together on Sundays.
I love to dance. Okay, well then I just signed up for dancing classes. I like everything that has to do with business, finance and self-growth.
So I started looking at the events in my area. I consciously decided to put myself in an environment where I can find my people. If I walk outside or if I post a video and I get critics or I get that or I get that, I am still solid within myself.
So find yourself a powerful circle. Omni Invest. in people who are fully invested in you people who are fully committed to you never put yourself in a position where the other person can say no if we're talking about a business if we're talking about a family member if we're talking about a person you have been married for 20 years then it's another story but if it's about someone you just met and you really especially as a woman you really really like this man and you put yourself in a position where he can say no that's the worst thing you can do The woman was not built for rejection, especially not when it comes to the rejection of another man. And when you as a woman put yourself in a position where you are the one chasing, where you are the one wanting him, you are setting yourself up to lose your confidence because you made the other person more important than you.
You devalued yourself by not recognizing that you are a gift. A woman can only thrive when she recognizes that she is the gift, when she is placed on a pedestal by the person she is in a relationship with. every man who has the chance to be with you is a very very lucky man that's why if someone doesn't see it for you but let him not see it for you maybe he has something in his eyes maybe he's blind who cares do do not take it personal i was with a girlfriend that i met recently and we were having a drink together there was this guy who walked into this room and she was like almost like dying for this guy and she said yeah we saw each other we we hooked up for a little but then he just was no longer interested and he just moved on and I don't understand and even when he walked he was not even paying attention to her.
Do you see in what position you have placed yourself? But it's okay now whatever is done is done you can always take your power back by deciding in this moment right now that you no longer care. That maybe in another lifetime you were interested and maybe in another lifetime you told him that you really really wanted to be with him but now we changed lifetimes.
Now you no longer care. Now you have your power back and now you no longer tolerate you to be in a position where you want the other person. That's just not the story for you. You have a better story. You have a story where you only pick men who are completely completely in love with you and who deeply respect you.
So you never put yourself in a position where the other person can say no. You can change the narrative in one decision. So like I said, this woman with whom I was having a coffee, she was literally feeling down. devalued by this person and i told her two things number one you give yourself away without him having to work for it so it's not his responsibility if he now is no longer interested so you cannot blame him for that number one but number two you can make this decision right now to shift the dynamics to flip the switch to say no longer am i going to allow you to take any space in my mind you no longer exist. For example, if you have always wanted to start your YouTube channel, to always had this story of and I need that and that and that and that.
Well, right now you can make one decision and change the narrative. When you make a decision that goes against what you have been used your entire life, there is something happening energetically. You are sending out a very powerful energy for life, the universe to work in your favor.
If you open religious books, If you open A Course in Miracles, if you are interested in the Kabbalah teachings or whatever, every spiritual teaching shares with you that time is only an illusion. Time does not exist. What you see in your mind as past...
present and future in fact it doesn't exist and that's why when you make a shift in your consciousness your reality automatically changes the same thing goes with worries you might be dealing with well the solution has already appeared from the moment you shift your mindset the same thing with this lady that i told you i even told her that from the moment she's going to make that switch in her mind where he no longer means anything and where she is no longer seeking his approval, he's subconsciously going to know that one decision can make the whole difference. When I was younger, I wasn't easily broken because I didn't care. And so a lot of people would try to come to me and try to like share what others were saying just to get to my emotions.
And I remember when they were trying to tell me what others were saying about me, I always said, I don't want to know. I just don't want to know. And not just with them, even with my family.
When there was drama or when there was something, I've always said, I don't want to know because everything that you share with me is going to get stuck into my mind and my mind is too precious. My mind cannot go in two places at the same time. My mind cannot go into creating the future that I want for myself and then feed it with whatever Marie or Jack is thinking about me.
It just doesn't work like that. The rule of the three questions. The first question is, is it good or bad news? Second question is, do I know the person yes or no? And third question is, if I know what you are about to share with me, will I be able to help?
If the answer is bad news, no and no, I don't want to know it. And that's how you protect your peace of mind. You can never be touched by the things you don't know. If you are very clear as to, I want to reach my highest potential, then you cannot enter in a room and just be part of the gossip.
You cannot be in a room and try to see and know what everyone is thinking about you. You have to get over that. You have to say no thank you.
When you think to yourself I am the chooser what that does is that you recognize that you have the power to either remain or to remove yourself or to choose better if it doesn't align with you. When you think you are the chosen one you put yourself in a position where your worth is attached to the other person. where if the other person chooses something else tomorrow, well, you lost your power. And there was this documentary from Georgina Rodriguez, and I loved it so much.
I was just looking at it. I just think she's such an inspiring and a beautiful woman. At some point, they were going to a job. She worked as a waitress.
And there was this woman for whom she worked. She was just like complimenting Georgina. And at the end, she said, Cristiano Ronaldo is very lucky that she picked him.
him and i thought that was so powerful because the narrative around them is she was just a cleaning lady and he chose her and he made her someone what this woman did was elevate her worth is she placed her on a pedestal and that's how you as a woman feel like the best version of yourself it doesn't matter i still remain the gift so you are the chooser not the chosen one every relationship you walk into every job you take everything you do in your life you say i am the one who pics and i only allow myself to be around people who are fully committed to me who think that i am the best that they ever had in their life and if that person doesn't feel this way about me it's okay i just move on and i will let this person find me and that's how you remain in your power your energy is what gives life to things you can be dating someone and in your eyes this person is the most handsome person you have ever seen he's so charismatic he has it all and then you show it picture to your family and your friends and they start laughing at you. why? because you are projecting your energy into that person. if you take your energy back this illusion dies and then you can see the person for who they really are.
we are feeding the illusion that somehow they are higher than you and there is no man in this earth that can ever be placed above you. that's just not how it works. yes there are people who are more evolved than you but they still do not go above you.
yes if you want to have a type of man you're going to have to do healing work you're going to have to do some spiritual work to be able to attract this type of man but there is no man in this earth that is a above you. This concept does not even exist and you are not above anyone and that's something you always have to remember. But sometimes with your insecurities, you feed the illusions. Illusions meaning everything that's separated from truth.
And when you think of a person, he is so special. Well, that's an illusion because no one is more special than yourself in your own life. And so from the moment you perceive someone to be more special than yourself in your own life, you are living an illusion.
The moment you call back your energy, the illusion dies and you will actually see them for who they really are. You don't want to feed illusions, but you want to feed your projects, your passion, your path. And that's it for today.
Thank you so, so much for watching. Thank you for just like being part of this channel. And I am going to see you very soon. Bye for now.