I must make you understand sometimes you just can't at least not right now ass Surefire way of knowing that it's a good time to pursue some kind of relationship is when you find yourself with an overflowing cup of energy and love and peace yes peace is really not the end of the world if you can't right now you could do plenty of other stuff study stuff that interests you hang out with your friends if you don't have friends you can like get on the internet and make videos if you're finding yourself in a space where you want to experience a relationship but for whatever reason it just doesn't feel like the right time the right person isn't being presented to you whatever whatever whatever you can actually just focus on the things that you need to focus on what do I do and it's finally time slow your roll there buddy we'll get to that at the end of the video you have got to know your for being in a relationship there's always a reason as to why we want to seek something for our lives so what's the reason why you want to seek a relationship it's really easy for us to give ourselves some [ __ ] ass answers once we start asking the real questions my love wasn't based in passion for any particular person or any particular direction other than maybe the to bust a nut now and then should I cut that out I didn't like how it felt to even just say some of those things out loud wasn't no [ __ ] way that I could have been a w boyfriend once we have that level of honesty with ourselves then it's even easier to have that type of honesty with the other person this is why I'm feeling you this is why I'm wanting to take things farther with you this is why I feel like I'm ready to pursue this with you I recommend you repeat to yourself in the reflection in the mirror mirror of Shadows Shameless plug remind yourself why you love that person and why pursuing a relationship with that person I don't know if you know this or not but [ __ ] happens and when [ __ ] happens you got to have a reason why you're going to continue to be in a relationship with this person you get rubbed the wrong way I don't like that okay [ __ ] you throw them in the garbage and ow and that's a wrap but if this is a relationship that you actually care about you're going to need to remind yourself of your trigger is not their problem I would encourage folks to have empathy for others triggers and to try to navigate them collaboratively more on collaboration later it's not the responsibility of your partner to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering you as the person who has the triggers it's up to you to manage how you respond to them how much energy do you give to these things that's up to you and that will directly determine the kinds of interactions that you and your partner get to have it's it's all based off the work that you do and we all have trauma to work through so when I say this it's also a given that the person you've chosen to be in a relationship with is doing the same work I'm doing a lot of hand motions I'm starting to feel myself let's get it your partner is not your therapist if they have enough to hear you out let you vent pop your [ __ ] whatever that's cool just as much as you need support you need to be heard you need to be held your partner needs those same things they shouldn't have to show up for your [ __ ] every single time that you interact it's just not fair and quite frankly it's not fun no one wants to get trauma dumped on and if you do I invite you to examine your boundaries I can't tell you what to pursue in a partner that's all on you boo boo but what I will suggest get involved with somebody who will give you Grace but will also keep it [ __ ] Buck the way you moveing right now mad the way you're talking to me right now mad the way you are honoring the commitments that you made to me your partner mad what we don't want is someone who will enable our poor Behavior we will behave poorly at some point to some extent and we want to be with somebody who can catch it and still hold us at the same time right here just right here just holding right leave me alone and get your own life you have your own life and your story on its own is worth telling you don't have to be Bonnie and Clyde you can just be Clyde you can just be Bonnie you don't need a partner you never need a partner I'll tell you like Tony Stark told Peter Parker if you're nothing without this relationship then you shouldn't have it got to sound like my dad you really aren't some ain't [ __ ] ass NPC [ __ ] nobody at the bottom of the reef that's not you Oscar the shark slayer I don't really got a whole lot going on I don't have much to offer stop right there you are worth so [ __ ] much stay popping your [ __ ] take yourself [ __ ] seriously put yourself in position and let those blessings come in you do not need another person to make your story wortht telling find a hobby it doesn't have to be anything that you're good at by any means just do something that evokes joy in your spirit something that makes you want to show people look what I did and even if they don't give a [ __ ] which they probably [ __ ] won't you did that even if it's like you drew a [ __ ] stick figure you did that [ __ ] bro good for you and you don't need a partner to enable able you to do those things I would really love someday to have a partner that I can share my passions and hobbies with but right now I know for a fact that I am incapable of being a w boyfriend let's start with the elements of a healthy relationship you got to get comfortable not having closure with everything sometimes a solution isn't going to happen right now take a step back and allow things to unfold in a natural way if they need space you got to give them space if the Love is Real nothing is lost they'll come back you'll have a conversation you'll continue to grow the relationship we have to work on these things actively it requires a level of patience with yourself that you know that you're doing the work and you know that you're seeing results even if it's not dramatic fellas fellas you want to talk about our feelings we got to start being vulnerable it is genuinely a struggle just to look someone in the eye for me as a man and to say this is how I feel this is why I feel that way this is what I need to happen now that I'm communicating about it Society does not train us to be vulnerable and surrender to our emotions I believe we have the responsibility as men to pursue vulnerability intentionally because it's been taken away from us societally every W boyfriend knows that Solutions are found collaboratively Teamwork Makes the Dream Work all together and and you got to work together they did this to me I'm hurting because of what they did you need to manage your triggers better we talked about this how do we come together to find a solution I'll back get in there it cannot be my way or the highway I've tried it this [ __ ] didn't work out too well man I ain't going to lie to you [Music] so they just made it Facebook official y'all are together together now what well um get used to being wrong dead ass get used to being wrong not like oh you're always going to be fighting and your feelings don't matter no your feelings matter it's just your feelings need to not be more important than the solution they asked me to take out the trash the trash didn't go out she's upset I [ __ ] fell asleep on the or something if I had the energy to do the thing that I would have done it God I'm such an L booyfriend I'm going to feel Justified because I didn't have the capacity even though I felt Justified my partner is upset I didn't honor a commitment that I made I feel like oh but I it don't always matter how you feel you want to know what does matter all the time boundaries setting boundaries is what allows relationships to continue and be healthy if no one ever sets a boundary we just trampling over each other the whole entire experience you don't have to understand fully why there's a boundry there if somebody says don't do this don't do that it's kind of [ __ ] simple I'm not saying it's not okay to have conversations around boundaries and where they come from but if that's not information that's being actively offered to you you really don't have to ask if it's one thing you take away from this video it's that the work never stops we have to keep on going keep on growing keep on glowing we got to keep on if you achieve the relationship that you've been trying to manifest that's when the real hard work actually starts a man I got a person now bro I just be chilling you feel me i' be at the crib you feel me she be cooking dinner and having babies and [ __ ] you got to keep becoming a better and better you and not just for yourself now you're getting better for two people or three people or however you get down in none of my [ __ ] business you owe it to yourself you now owe it to your partner as well so if you weren't already doing the work before you got into this relationship guess what Al booyfriend but anyways there's my thoughts on uh how to be a w boyfriend a different type of video I hope y'all enjoyed it let me know what y'all think in the comments and I'm going leave y'all on one final affirmation you are a bad [ __ ] and you are worthy of all of it one more thing I just dropped an album It's called if you don't know I'm going link it right here it's available right now matter of fact I'm going to play I'm playing it right now right there bro just [Music] [ __ ] no you don't no you don't no you don't no you don't hey hey