welcome back to the comments section I'm Brett Cooper now we talk a lot about how some of gen Z is just not prioritizing dating anymore they're not having luck in the dating scene obviously it's a hellscape that's the thing that I say basically once a week and how dude with difficulty many are just opting out altogether however that is not the case for everyone we see that a lot on social media but there are still people hanging on trying to meet their forever person on the other end of this dating Spectrum there is a group of 20-some who yearn for a partner yet year after year they come up empty-handed and they are still single they have now labeled themselves the chronically single friend so today we're going to dive into this condition that they're saying that they have and see what they've been dealing with in this dating landscape and more importantly figure out if there is a remedy to their literal decades long ailment before we dive in though make sure that you like this video subscribe to this channel if you've not already and of course ring that notification Bell so that you never miss one of our comment section uploads all right so I just recently saw this trend of the chronically single friend of course I saw it on Tik Tok first that is where all the trends start these days and basically how this came up is that these chronic single friends started posting lists of the obnoxious or unhelpful things that people have said to them over the years of their singleness to try to help them find somebody to give them encouragement but after years of singleness they just don't want to hear it anymore so here is one of the most viral videos I think this is what started the entire conversation hi I'm 25 I have been single for my entire life here are some of the things that if I hear one more time I'm going to lose my mind starting off strong it'll happen when you least expect it H with will it will it quite some time actually I have not expected it and it still hasn't happened along those same lines stop looking and that's when you'll find it okay I haven't been looking and it's the not looking I fear that resulted in years of absolutely no contact with a man and while I agree that sometimes the best thing to do is just to take a step back and focus on yourself and just like realign your priorities and see what you actually want out of a potential partner I think that years of telling women you don't need a man don't go find a man don't prioritize dating just prioritize your girl boss corporate job has landed a lot of women in this situation so obviously it is a balancing act you have to know what you want and be open to it but obviously it's not going to feel great if you make it your entire life's Mission and just be focusing on a 24/7 that's going to just suck and drain you so again it's a balance is that going to be helpful to people Maybe not maybe I'll end up on a list of what not to say but that's just at least my take all right let's let her continue you're so lucky or I wish that I had never never dated so and so or never been in this relationship I get where you're coming from but there's that line in the luminer song that's like it's better to feel pain than nothing at at all the opposite of Love is indifference ow ow okay and then don't rush it don't settle great yeah I'm not clearly I'm not at some point I realized 25 is still young but at some point I am going to be like kind I got to start rushing things I do have a biological clock I with like kids someday the last thing is trying to set me up with any and everyone you know that is a single eligible bachelor I get I get that you're trying to help but then it makes me feel bad when I'm like no I'm not interested and I do think that's a good point about setting people up because often I'll see people just go like oh you're single and you're single you should just go be together when there's no real prerequisites and you don't know if they would actually be compatible like if you're going to set people up make sure that there could actually be something there and that you're not you know wasting either of their time but I don't think that setting people up in general is a bad thing I mean we live in an era where people are now burned out on dating apps like they have used them for years now they have been gamified they are addicting people are not having success on dating apps like they might have you know 10 years ago when it was match.com and it was this new amazing thing people are actually making connections it's Tinder people are swiping they're not having any luck they want to be off of bumble so setting up good friends that might actually have something in common with the other person could be a great option I would not write that off we're going to talk about that a little later but back to the bigger point like I said this video immediately went viral at the end she's like if you relate to this I'm sorry like I'm thinking about you and boy did people relate one girl said and also just focus on yourself like yeah that's all I've been doing my whole life and I also love that because that's something that a lot of people talk about after they get married and after they have kids they're like oh my gosh this feels so good because I get to focus on somebody else like I've you know been selfish for 35 years and then finally I had a child and now I'm realizing like how exhausting that was just to think about myself for 35 years and I think that in our very narcissistic culture we tell people that it's okay to just focus on yourself but it's kind of exhausting and it's not healthy for any of us I mean that's why single people inevitably buy a bunch of plants and get dogs and feed them rough greens because they want somebody else to care about now obviously you guys know I care a lot about my health but I have cared about my dog's health for way longer than I have cared about my health and that is why I love giving them rough greens rough greens is a supplement that contains all the necessary vitamins minerals probiotics Omega oils digestive enzymes and an dioxins that your dog needs and things that they're probably not getting from their conventional dry kibble what I love about rough grain is you don't have to out and buy some new dog food if you're just not ready for that yet if you can't fit it in the budget you can just sprinkle rough Greens on your dog's food every single day and you'll be taking a massive step for their health it is so easy like guys I was giving my dogs rough Greens Way before I had ever even taken a supplement it is so easy to get into and that is why dog oders everywhere just Rave about rough grains not only is it easy and accessible but it supports healthy joints it improves bad breath boosts energy levels and so much more for your dogs I think we all know that we are what we eat but obviously that goes for your dogs as well naturopathic Dr Dennis black the founder of rough greens is so confident that his product will improve your dog's health that he is offering my viewers that free jump start tral bag so that your dogs can try it too and of course as you guys know that free jump start tral bag can be at your door in just a few business days so go to Ru greens.com Breet or if it's easier call 87766 my dog to redeem that offer again that is Ruff greens.com Bret or call 87766 my dog today and you know what let's not shame the PA rents out there because maybe they'll meet their significant other at the dog park It'll be such a cute story use your dogs to meet a significant other okay somebody else said the contradictory advice of it'll happen when you you stop looking and just put yourself out there like which one is it and I do think there is some Nuance there because obviously you should you know focus on your life become you know an even better person you know raise your own personal standards even more level yourself up so that you can meet somebody even better while simultaneously being emotionally available and open to the possibility of a relationship you don't need to be dating every single night and make it your entire identity which be available so maybe that's the Nuance there that people giving advice are just not hitting and of course people are just trying to be helpful because they care about you and they're offering advice based on their experience but when you are Act ly trying to meet somebody and you have been for years to no avail obviously that advice can just sting more than anything one last comment this guy said people who have not struggled to find relationships literally cannot understand where you're coming from and that goes for a lot of things in life if you just do not have experience with that specific situation you know you can have empathy but it might be hard to give you know actual beneficial advice now here's another video like I said this became a whole thing here are my top five most annoying things that people say to me as a chronically single 30-year-old as I get ready for my 10 baby shower of the year she is aggressively curling her hair there are some feelings that she is feeling right now as she's talking about it okay so number one has to be it will happen when you're not looking we just all need to stop saying that that is the common in every single one of these videos just zip no more not allowed to say that anymore apparently it's not helpful have you seen it out there there is not much to look at I don't know if I need to be blindfolded and take some extra measures but I promise you I'm not looking number two which is contradictory to number one you have to put yourself out there and it's always followed up with have you tried dating apps no Karen I've never thought of that foreign concept before and let me just say the dating apps aren't it okay they're not they're terrible as somebody who is married and was on one they are awful I think everybody understands that do not tell people to go be on dating apps although it's like again it's so nuanced because I always referenced this conversation that I had with Dennis prer where he was like they can be useful if you use them in the proper way and you don't allow them to be gamified but obviously that's just on your end because on the other side of it people might not be taking it seriously so you know there is a good way to use them if you're being intentional and you're being very honest and you're not just swiping on random people because you think that they're hot or to pass the time but still you know you got to have another person in the equation so again it's all so nuanced a hellscape is what we've all determined after all of these episodes me also just say that I travel a lot like I am gone in a new city almost every weekend I'm out there I'm screaming for the rooftops if you look at the rest of my Tik Tok I am single I am 30 and I am waiting for a husband can't say looking cuz I'm supposed to not be looking number three is always funny cuz I could tell it's like a Pity one you're still so young no you still have so much time I'm 30 if I wait any longer my friends's kids will be old enough to date me I don't have time no no I don't I do appreciate the fact that there are so many women out there who are saying that their biological clock is ticking because for so many years that would have never been part of this conversation it would have been like oh yeah I don't really care I'll be 45 but now there are so many women that are being open about the fact that they want to be married they're not just dating for the sake of dating or for sex and because of hookup culture they want to be married they want to have kids it's frustrating because it's not happening and we weren't seeing that a few years ago so obviously something is Shifting in the culture which is really really positive for women so basically you guys get the gist it's a lot of the same comments there's a lot of these videos and most of these going around were from women but it's not just them the men decided to join and I actually did a reaction to this one recently but it deserves a place in a full episode I'm going to give you my top five most annoying things that I get told as a chronically single 28-year-old I saw a woman do it as a chronically single 25-year-old and I feel like I had to do mine my first one is will you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else I do love myself I've Loved myself for 28 years what I don't love is you for continuing to tell me that all the time my second one is well you just got to put yourself out there what do you think I've been doing why do you think I go out all the time I don't even want to go out anymore I hate going out the one thing that I will say about you need to put yourself out there is I do think that a lot of people need to hear that not all people a lot of people might be putting themselves out there this is something that I talked about on Chris Williamson's podcast which is actually coming out next week we talked a lot about this and what it means to put yourself out there and ways that you can put yourself out there in this modern era so get ready for that but for a lot of people especially in my generation you know who were raised online our first dating experiences were online you know our college experience was dominated by Co so literally everything everything was online a lot of us don't actually know how to put ourselves out there socially in a way that opens us up to relationships like just going out to different bars every weekend that probably is not the best thing to do but joining a Rec Soccer League and being with the same group of people every single week and making those connections and making new friends who could introduce you to women or seeing women on your team that you get to talk to or joining a group at church where you have to be with the same people every single week and you get used to socializing with them every week you get used to talking with women to flirting it's like it's a skill you have to learn and you have to put yourself in a situation you're going to see them regularly it's not just going out to different bars and hoping that a slightly drunk girl will think you're hot so I don't think that that is the worst thing to say but it should be followed up with some actual hard advice of how to execute that I guess I'm on every single dating app I've posted 2,500 videos on Tik Tok saying I'm single I'm out there I have been putting myself out there my next one is you're still so young I'm 28 years old I have gray hairs I want to be able to play with my kids before they have to put me in a retirement home and I love that in every one of these videos they talk about children they talk about marriage again these are not people that are just out there being like I can't find a girl to have sex with they're looking for long-term partners and that warms my heart we're winning people we are bringing normaly and decency and love and respect for the opposite gender back to America thank God this has been too long okay you need to embrace it and just enjoy your time being single I am not enjoying it I am not having fun anymore and it's really easy for you to say that while you and your wife and your baby played patty cake around the fire somebody wiped this man up seriously go find him actually there were women in the comment section they were like me me pick me so it might actually work for him but I just have to say and I'm going to kind of call him out here but I love you this reminds me so much of my husband because he was 28 when we met and by the internet's definition he was chronically single you know he would go on dates semi-regularly he would put himself out there he was on the dating app he would be introduced by other people would do the blind date thing but he never felt like any of those women were right for him so he didn't enter into any relationships and he just kept looking he never seriously dated any one of those girls and from experience and my friends and from comments that I see online I know that a lot of men feel insecure if they are in this situation you know they're insecure about never being in relationships they feel like they need experience that girls are going to look down on them because they don't have experience and some women might and they're [ __ ] and they don't deserve your time so move on from them but the fact that Alex had never been in a serious relationship was actually something that I loved it was actually something that I was looking for like 3 months before we met I called one of my friends and I was lamenting about the fact that I just gone on another date with a guy that was failed because he called me 3 Days Later was like I'm getting back together with my ex-girlfriend and I was like I can't do this anymore there's too much baggage I don't want this I want to date somebody that has never had a girlfriend before and I said it kind of jokingly but it was also very serious and then I met Alex I was like oh my God you're perfect I love you immediately but on a deeper more serious level it showed me that he knew what he was looking for you know he was dating with intention he wanted to get married he wanted to be a husband and a father and it showed me that he valued himself and his time enough not to waste it on random girls that he met at bars just so that he could have the social and phys physical satisfaction of being with someone and that's what I'm seeing in a lot of these videos like this guy saying like I see my friends and they're babies and I want that I'm trying I'm putting myself out there it's just not the right person somebody commented and said if this guy is still single at 28 then I'm cooked there was a lot of that but guys we're going to fix this it's going to be great somebody else said how did we get to chronically single just when I thought single was enough yeah it's kind of a it's like a dagger in the heart actually them calling themselves this and then this was so cute romance this girl said hi from the 25-year-old chronically single woman you reference at the beginning that is the first video that we watched get together like maybe they can meet and bond over this like girl if you find your man this way I am here for it you guys know that I love Tik Tok romance it's going to be great now on the other end of the singleness Spectrum there is another group of people and these folks are not chronically single they are the repeat offenders according to Tik Tok they are also single not in serious relationships but they're handling it in a very different way just watch there are two types of people in the dating world there's the chronically single and the repeat offenders chronically single so single it hurts not really a big roster just really cruising through life hoping that somebody comes along repeat offenders talking to a new horrible person every two weeks it's like they ends you know something happens and it ends with the one guy there's usually a crossover own men Benjamin leaves here comes Conrad Conrad's in and this chronically single friends can't even keep up they're like why don't we take it easy you're talking to somebody else again and then the the repeat offenders are like when are you going to get a boyfriend when was the last time you even talked to a man and basically what I think that she's trying to say and what I've seen in other videos is that some people have just given up trying to have their standards and find somebody serious so they've just become repeat offenders to fill the void somebody said I am just too bored to be chronically single I live for the plot but that's not everyone another person said I'm chronically single and it's so much better than being with a new guy every week and I would have to agree and I know that it might sound appealing and especially if you've been single for a while and you just like want somebody but do not get emotionally and certainly do not get physically involved with people who are not right with you just so that you can have companionship or like I said fill the void like that will only hurt you more in the end my mom always called it the clinging Vine like do not let yourself get into a situation where you have a clinging Vine you're emotionally entrenched you're physically entrenched and then when you need to break it off when you finally get to a point where you're like okay yeah I knew that this is not working it certainly is not out when you have to like hack off the vine and it's so much harder because they're like wrapped around you like do not let yourself get into that situation now speaking of continuing to date with intention the one takeaway that I've loved seeing from this trend is that most of these people who are chronically single are not becoming desperate or lowering their standards just watch this one I just saw girl make a video about how she's never been in a relationship before and then she was saying that all of her friends tell her hey it's going to come at the right time like it's going to come when you're least expecting it and she's like I hate when people say that cuz I'm never expecting it then you kind of not like start dating around but you just like talking to guys here and there like things don't work out and people are like I feel so bad or like oh you're single how long have you been single shut the up I think the longer you're single the more you're like I'm not going to settle I'm not going to put up with like anything and a bunch of people responded to her and you know we're lenting of course one girl said literally I have waited so long for something real that I'm like the man who gets all the firsts has to check all the boxes and this was a very common sentiment among both the men and the women in this comment section and if anything for these you know chronically single friends their standards are going up as they mature and gain more confidence in what they want and what they don't want which I think is good disclaimer disclosure because I know people will say it this is okay as long as your list of Standards is not full of a bunch of random stupid vapid icks like he needs to be 65 trust fund have a sixpack like oh my god get over that find a good person but if your standards are mutual respect and shared values and not just using you as a piece of meat and shared desires for a long-term relationship absolutely those are good standards to have you should not waste time on people who do not check those types of boxes and I saw a girl on Tik Tok around my age already talking about this kind of feeling when people who are in relationships tell me you'll find your person when you're least expecting it I get that but I've never really been expecting it and what do you think I'm going to feel and I've literally had nothing for 22 years kind of start thinking about it sometimes another one is you just need to put yourself out there and you need to be more outgoing and you need to be more forward that one really makes me mad because I feel like it's more of like people insulting my personality because I'm not going to go up to you at the bar and say oh my God you're so cute like I feel more feminine if someone's coming up to me and like making a move then next one is you're too picky you need to lower your standards my standards are take me on a date first and then we'll talk I'm very traditional and the way that I think about relationships I don't want to have to worry about a guy ever don't embarrass me basically another one that really bothers me is when everyone's like you're so young you have so much time you're saying that now but I already have gone 22 years alone what makes you think that it won't be another 5 to 8 years until I find someone like I have a timeline here love to be married and have kids before I'm 30 if that's the case I mean I should have had a boyfriend yesterday in general like you want to be loved you know like that's just something you dream of since you're a little girl just always been the biggest hopeless romantic not ever experiencing any type of love outside of family and friends is something that really bothers me makes me feel like I could potentially be hard to love when my God I'm getting emotional I just feel like a lot of the time people tell me it's because of my personality and because I'm not super out there and that just makes me sad because I have so much love to give but I don't want to just give it to anyone if that makes sense whoever it is I'm into a relationship with I will probably be the best girlfriend ever and I always say at the end of the day like like I don't need every single guy to love me and every single guy to like me I only need one like I only need one being a little hopeless romantic in this little hookup culture world is kind of sucking for me right now and she's not wrong and it's so hard especially for people who are very traditional and really like the standards aren't that high it's like sort of the bare minimum for people with Traditional Values it's what has always been but now has you know gone out of practice in the dating World somebody said I only need one is so real and I love this because she's being honest and vulnerable but she has so much Clarity and maturity about it like she's not going out and trying to seek attention from every man that she meets she's not hooking up with a bunch of guys she hasn't made dating or hooking up her identity quite the contrary but at the same time it's on her mind because it's important to her and her future and because it's serious and important to her she's not going about it frivolously which is how everybody should approach it now when I was finished going down the Tik Tok rabbit hole and watching all of these people talk about their chronically single experiences I realized that though I would maybe you know talk about things here and there as I watch the videos I didn't really know exactly what to say to help because again everybody has different experiences with how they found their significant others and I don't want to just be someone spewing more cliches so I'm going to call somebody that has had [Applause] experience right he's in a coffee shop all right there we go hi what advice would you give to people who call themselves chronically single who want to be married who want to have kids but like your experience had dated and had not met the right person and so we're just going through life while all their friends were just dating around what would have been helpful for you to hear honestly I would have not wanted to hear anything I wouldn't want anyone to like be pressuring me or anything okay that's good to hear I was just kind of doing my own thing just my observing of people who kind of make their whole life about how they're single and that's how you like see value in yourself or whatever is if you're single or not M and it's just kind of silly so I don't know it's very annoying when I hear people to me when they're complaining about that constantly MH because I'm just like yeah you're not going to find anybody har anytime soon at least that's what we were kind of talking about of like especially I mean for both men and women but like making it your entire identity is definitely not healthy at all you should be trying to date and date with intention if it's something that's important to you if it's not then who cares but if it is you should obviously be open to it but obviously two things that you enjoy in life and you'll probably find people that are similar to you or whatever that you're compatible with along the way nice all right that was good advice Alex good job and it worked out for you yep I wanted to own the libs so I went to the place that I thought was best at that and was able to find the love of my life there so I love you I'll talk to you later bye yeah if you guys didn't know we met at work so go work somewhere that promot it's your values and then you'll meet somebody so there you go you've heard it from him he said at the beginning of the call that obviously everybody is different and for him it was you know less helpful to have people pestering him and asking him so I think that that lines up with what people are saying online that makes sense and that's kind of the conclusion that I came to like more than just getting Relentless advice 24/7 which you know I should have some self-awareness maybe I've done too much of but I do think it's important to break down these problems that people are dealing with in the dating landscape break down the dating landscape just in of itself so that we can find Solutions because obviously people are struggling but more than anything else people just need to meet their person so maybe let's try to help do that like the biggest thing that I hear from all the single women in my life is that they don't need somebody to give them more advice they know they know what they need to be doing they just need phone numbers they need like an actual guy to meet so you know share the contact make that first connection stop saying like oh you would be so good with so and so instead text so and so and send them your friends information try to get them set up on a date again if it is actually somebody that they might be compatible with like we live in a world that feels so connected but is actually less connected to those around us than ever before and just because your friend goes online and sees a guy you've talked about who is single does not mean that they're just going to automatically like connect and start dating and fall in love like help be that connection for your friends instead and of course anyone single in my audience let us know where else we can provide help where it's needed because this is such a huge issue in our culture people are struggling so much there has to be a way to fix this so maybe like go connect in my comment section or something like I have literally been told guys this is the honest truth I've been told that couples who are now getting married have met in my Instagram comment section and then started dming which is crazy so you never know who could be waiting down there crazier things have happened just saying well guys I hope you liked that video make sure that you like and subscribe to this channel if you have not already and if you want even more content you can follow me on Instagram and on Snapchat and on Tik Tok see you guys next time bye