I think if people are like I want to accomplish this goal the very next question is why and then go why why why why why if your why is so strong how it's going to be done it doesn't matter you'll figure out you've got a book out called level up rub dial from the mindset Mentor podcast not everything that's happened to you in your life is your fault but whatever it is that you have it is your responsibility to work through if I'm going to feel the feelings of fear why don't I also just try feeling the feelings of success in getting there [Music] hey everyone I've got some huge news to share with you in the last 90 days 79.4% of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel there's research that shows that if you want to create a habit make it easy to access by hitting the Subscribe button you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier healthier and more healed this would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better bigger brighter content for you in the world subscribe right now the number one Health and Wellness podcast J sh J shett the one the only Jett why is it that we all want something we have goals we have things that we believe are important but we struggle to focus on them yeah well there's there's a couple different things I think the first thing is that we hold oursel back from is we have a lot of fears and fear years when you really start to dive into them like you you mentioned in the beginning of this like I started talking with you about like the East and and you started I remember you told me in 2017 like you should read the bat G so I literally wrote it I got it like the next week and read it while we were traveling and so there was that and and as I was writing the book I was like what's the thing because the original title of the book was the psychology of taking action because I was looking at the mindset Mentor podcast I have 1,400 episodes and I was like it's just me speaking for almost every single one of them and I was like what do I teach like what do what do people want from me and I was like it's almost all like tips and tricks understand yourself to take action because everybody who's listening to a podcast has the awareness of I want to improve I want to get better I want something different but how do I do it and so I I started saying okay if taking action is what the book's going to be about like why don't people take action in the first place and one of the things that that pops up for people is fear like they're just there's some sort of fear that pops up for them and I had a conversation with one of my friends who went and lived in the tribe with a tribe A native Brazilian tribe in the middle of Brazil and so he had to fly into a town he had to hop on a boat and go for two days on a boat in the middle of nowhere and he started talking to me about these things that he called Primal fears and intellectual fears so like a primal fear is is pain or death is attached to it and we don't really come up with too many Primal fears in our life nowadays intellectual fear is like what we deal with all day long which is you know the the the fear of rejection the fear of failure the fear of uh not being accepted the fear of success we have all these fears and and all these fears are made up in our mind and so I was listening to I'm pretty sure it was sad Guru I was listening to and I was like I I put on and I was driving around in Sedona as I was writing the book I was there just to try to get my whole mind together was by myself writing it and I was like looking at fears and trying to figure them out and one thing that he said that like really hit me more than anything else is okay I've identified my fears and the next thing is well how do I overcome these fears and if it's an intellectual fear the the fears that exist in our minds is you can't overcome something that doesn't exist and so we create we basically wake up in the Boogie we wake up in the morning we create the boogeyman which is like the fear of success the fear of failure whatever it is and instead of actually taking the action that we need to and focusing on what it is that we want we take all of our focus and put it towards trying to overcome this fear when in reality the fear doesn't even exist in the first place and so I think the biggest thing for most people is like the fear is keeping you from from focusing um but there's also like the identity of who you think you are and one of my favorite things is challenging who I think I am the time like I love the story and I put in the book of Jim Carrey when he decided to be uh in man on the moon then uh there was the man on the moon was a movie where he ended up playing uh Andy Kaufman and there was a whole documentary that was done on this and they curbed it for like 20 years cuz it was so off the rails of how crazy he went and and what he did was he it's a a documentary called Jim and Andy that's on him playing the role on man on the moon so Andy coffin was a guy who was once a live and the crazy part and about Andy Kaufman is he also played other characters so as Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman who played like Tony Clifton and other characters but the thing that happened with him was that he would never break character so he was a method actor so for four months he played as this real life person and even to the point where his driver that would pick him up in Hollywood and drive him to his house said that whoever he was playing at the time that they stopped recording whether it was Andy caufman Tony Clifton he would play that person the entire day when he when he was driving him home that night and he picked him up and he was still the same person not Jim Carrey anymore and so what happened was he he ended up like and it gets kind of crazy where he ends up doing therapy sessions with Andy coffin's real daughter and his family to like help them overcome his sudden death and so what happens is they stop recording four months later and he's like I don't know who I am and he lost who he was and he's like I don't know my beliefs I don't know what makes me happy what makes me sad what pisses me off anymore he's like I've kind of just lost who Jim Carrey is and that's kind of like his spiritual awakening that you've seen him go through over the past 20 years and he realized if I can lose Jim Carrey then who the hell is Jim Carrey and he realized that Jim Carrey is just basically a character that he's playing all the time that is completely somebody else and he could just wake up another morning and act like he's somebody else and so I think that two of the things that really keep us from focusing on stuff is we get really afraid and fearful of making change or judgment or failure and all that and the the other thing is like who we actually truly think we are um we'll hold us back from taking either the action that we need to or you know staying in the exact same position that we're in I love that I want to go down both of those routes because I find them both fascinating for different reasons and I want to go down that more spiritual ethereal Journey as well because yeah but but before we do that I want to make sure that so if we talk about the fears that people are experiencing as you said a lot of the time it's an intellectual fear it's not real but it feels so real feels real yeah like when someone says like oh I'm really scared about what if I get rejected from the job or I'm really scared that my partner is going to leave me or I'm really scared that I don't feel good enough or smart enough to to make it in whatever field it is those feel extremely real yeah how do you process a feeling that feels real even though it may be intellectual yeah well so that's the beautiful thing about being a human and I think it's and you can correct me if I'm wrong but think it's actually in the Baki gives an example of a lion attacking you at or a tiger attacking you at night and you know one of the examples I given the book is is similar to that where it's like if you think about it if you we've all had this we have a really intense dream like you're walking in a forest whatever it is and you see a lion it starts running after you you know you you you run from it you turn you look over your shoulder it's getting closer you're still running from it you turn you look over your shoulder just as teeth are about to to to dig into you and you wake up in the middle of the night and your body didn't move at all but you're sweating you're out of breath your heart rate is intensely going and the amazing thing about being a human you know they usually say what in any Cas is what your biggest strength is is also can be your biggest fault the thing about humans is that we can project our minds into a future that doesn't exist yet and so what we can do right now is we can sit here you know we're in this studio everything is amazing we have food Water Shelter clothing everything but if I'm like as a lot of people do like if I'm starting business right I can sit here and I can think well I really want to start this business but then I start playing out all of the things that could go wrong which is what we tend to do not what goes right but what could go wrong when I project my mind into that future the crazy part is that my mind and my body are constantly connected so my my brain is sending neuropeptides to my body and creating hormones as if that moment is actually happening right now and so what happens is we tend to as humans as a protection mechanism we tend to project oursel into a future that is fearful that is scary and that fearful scary feeling usually Keeps Us in the exact same place and so what I always say is like if I'm going to imagine the worst that could happen why don't I at least try to see the best that could happen and so if I'm going to notice myself the awareness of like I'm really in a lot of fear right now with starting this business and I'm I'm going man what's the Worst That Could Happen well then I might as well close my eyes and say like what's the best that could happen and what would it feel like to start this business and to be able to crack a million dollars in a business and how proud of myself would I be to break a million dollars in sales and to be able to build this and travel with my family and provide what I've always wanted to provide and and if I'm going to feel the feelings of fear why don't I also just try on feeling the feelings of success in getting there and so if we notice it's an intellectual fear the first the first piece that I always say is there's there's three pieces there's the awareness of it okay I'm aware that I'm in a state of fear I need to practice to get myself out of that okay if I notice myself in in a state of fear what's my practice to get myself out of it well I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to calm down and and and take six deep breaths and I'm going to connect back to my heart and I'm going to ask myself like what's the best thing that could happen that's the practice to get myself out of it and then the last piece is repetition so it's awareness it's practice it's repetition if I do it over and over and over again eventually I start to rewire myself so like one of the things that that I found in myself years ago that I didn't like was was that I judge people and I didn't I'm like man I love people like I love I try to do I try to be of service as much as I can but an immediate thought that will come in my head sometimes is like Judgment of somebody that I don't know and I just judge them and I was like I don't like that pattern I want to change this pattern Within Myself it's a weirdness I become aware of what I want to change and the one the first time I really did it I was at a grocery store and this guy had this like Bluetooth you know like the long Bluetooth it was in like as if he was you know making cold calls at an office but he was at the grocery store and immediately the first thought in my head was judgment and I always say you can't change your first thought but you can change your second thought so I noticed a judgment as a first thought awareness my practice that I decided for myself was I'm going to force myself in my head to say three things that I like about this guy I paused myself in the moment I found myself in a pattern that I don't want to be in anymore what are three things that I like about this guy and I said it and then I went on about my day and I started doing this over and over and over and over again and one thing that I noticed is that my first thought started changing to less judgment and more acceptance because ultimately that's that's what I really want to work on is more acceptance and loving of people and of myself and so I think it's um it's becoming aware of it once you're aware of the the things that you're trying the pattern you're trying to change what's the practice that you're going to take yourself down and then noticing that you're just going to need to do it over and over and over again but the one of the biggest Keys is to give yourself Grace as you're doing it because a lot of times we make we are become aware and then we judge oursel and we beat oursel up for it so I think it's it's giving yourself a lot of love and grace and going hey I've noticed this pattern don't worry we're going to change it let's go on this practice and just continuing to do that yeah so well said I think so often we get scared even of having the thought of what could be possible because we're scared that it can't be possible and we just find another thing to be fearful of and I love this idea of what you're saying around transforming your thoughts because I've definitely the more and more I've studied books the more and more I've I've read and I've thought I've just discovered that all of our failure and success in life is based on our most repeated door and one of my biggest questions to most people I meet now is what is your most repeated th and most people don't know the answer because they're not aware in your words and a lot of people who do know will say it something like I'm not good enough I don't like the way I look I am ugly um whatever whatever else it may be for them right and so we're either aware and it's negative or we're unaware because it's so subconscious and I've started to recognize that most of the thoughts we have are not that different they're the same thought that comes in a different voice a different tone a different vocabulary a different language but it's the same repetition yeah and so I've started to really think about what's my most repeated thought and how can I be more as you are saying how can I be more selective about it and how can I choose it more effectively rather than just let it be something that's kind of just coming up yeah and it's and it's like not don't identify with your thoughts you know like one of the things that I don't remember where I heard it before but the way I like to think about it and and I've heard you say before even like a lot of people say like oh I struggle with meditating and I've heard you say before where it's not about mastering your thoughts it's not about making your thoughts go away it's just becoming aware of your thoughts a little bit more BEC because when we close our eyes you know about 60% of our brain is visual we for visual things to see so when we close our eyes it kind of turns off a a lot of parts and so thoughts usually come up and we become aware of those like one of the things that I've been doing a lot recently is like trying to be in as much silence as possible like I'm just trying to be as much silence as I possibly can because I feel like that's where a lot of my awarenesses and a lot of my answers come from and so when you sit there and the analogy that I love when you start thinking of your thoughts is it's like sitting on the edge of a mountain and down below there's just a road going that that you're looking at and sitting on the edge of the mountain is like meditating or just sitting in silence and just you know looking at your thoughts and you can watch the cars go by the thoughts that go by and not have to be attached to them you don't find yourself getting sucked into the red car that just went by you just watch the the cars go by and that's the way that I try to to see my thoughts which is okay I'm going to watch them go by I'm not going to connect to them but I can look at them and be like is this thought which you know about 90% of our thoughts are the same as yesterday is this thought helping me in trying to get to where I want to be in Life or is this thought holding me back from trying to get want it not well theny as that guy the podc said I my first St I control my second so what what would I prefer my second thought to be yeah I I think you just hit the nail on the head like that's what it is for me it's whether you've understood that you're not your thoughts or not that can be quite hard for people because I think we're so close to them but even if you can practice distance through meditation or mindfulness the real win is being able to look at a thought and say is it good for me is it not helpful like you just said like I think that is the wisdom of it that can I evaluate everything that's repetitive in my mind and ask myself is this useful is it helpful is it allowing me to move in the direction I want because chances are a lot of what we're saying is actually doing the complete opposite and then you go oh wait a minute even though it's interesting and even though I could get lost in it I don't want to waste time and therefore I'll move in the other direction you talk about procrastination in this book and that again going back to your earlier title is a block against the psychology of action yeah and we all have a friend or maybe we are that friend that constantly puts things off we postpone we procrastinate we say I'll do it another year I want to launch a podcast someone's been saying that for two years there's someone listening right now who wants to start an Instagram page they put it off for six months there's someone listening who's like oh I missed out on the clubhouse thing and then I missed out on the Tik Tok thing and now I'm missing out on whatever the next thing is and we procrastinate hoping that one day will come what have you learned about procrastination through your research when you were writing the book that has helped people break that cycle because it seems to apply to so many of our Lives I mean the thing about it is this if I've always I always like to be like very extreme in examples because if we can go extreme then it makes a lot of sense but I always tell people like and and I always say it like hey I've I've given this when I used to give a lot of speeches I would be in front of people i' say hey what's the chance of you making a million dollars this year give me give me numbers and everyone's like 0% 0% 0% 1% there's always 1% it's like five and that's like the most it'll get to and I said okay I'm going to give you the most extreme example but I just want to see what happens okay what's the percentage chance of you making a million dollars this year legally and if you don't everyone that you love dies and everyone's like 100% 100% a thousand a th% I said what changed the goal didn't change the time frame didn't change why you're doing it changed would you wake up in the morning if everyone that you loves life dependent on it and be like yeah well maybe I should scroll on Tik Tok for a little while no you'd be like I'm going to take action immediately and so it doesn't need to be like a fear of losing everybody but what's really behind that is like why like why they're they're doing it like if if I a reflection of anyone who doesn't know Jay like you're one of the hardest working people I've ever met but you have a really strong why right and that's like one of the best parts about it where it's like when I see J I'm like this guy has he has this internal feeling of like I want to change the world and you work so hard trying to do it and that's the one of the most beautiful things about you is like you're wanting to change the world and you have a really strong why to it and I think that if most people could figure out like oh yeah well I want to do this thing why do you want to do it and my my very first one-on-one coach um used to say to me he would say what's your why what's your why why are you doing this why are you doing this you would like hammer it home in my head and I was like why do you ask this so much and he would always say cuz if your why is strong enough your how will reveal itself if you know why you want to do something how it's going to be done you'll figure out it doesn't matter things are going to get in your way there's going to be obstacles there's always going to be obstacles there's always going to be challenges there's always going to be moments of like I don't know if I can do this but if your why is so strong it's like I don't care what comes up in front of me I'm going to get it done like most people they want to be motivated and I have come to to hate the word motivation because motivation is so fleeting like we can wake up and we can listen to a podcast we can get you know read something be motivated and then something can happen to us and it's gone which just disappears what I want to be is I want to be driven like when you see a driven person like you see it in their eyes like yeah they're not stopping and the difference between a motivated person and a driven person is that the driven person has this why that they want to see have happen in the world or in their life or for their family and so I think if people are like I want to accomplish this goal the very next question is why and then go why why why why why why and go deeper into it um an example I give in the book is I had a coaching client years ago like eight nine years ago and he was like Rob I want to make $100,000 this year I've never made it and I was like why and I took him through what's called seven levels of why I just keep asking why why why why why and um it went from I want to make $100,000 a year because I've never done it before to the eventual thing was he had just got into a divorce a couple years ago both of his young children lived in a bad part of town with his ex-wife he wanted to regain custody because he was afraid that both of his children would be killed in a driveby and he was so terrified of it that that was his actual true why and so it wasn't the motivation I I didn't have to talk to him say Hey you know how close you'd make $100,000 this year I said hey how close are you to providing more safety for your children this year because he wanted them to move in with him he wanted to be able to provide for them and to make sure that they were safe and so I think that if we just ask oursel why do I truly want to accomplish this goal it kind of reveals itself and it makes a easier to take the action yeah for sure I mean I you know and I appreciate all the kind words but I can definitely say the only thing that's kept me going is my why because I think there are so many things that either make you want to give up or slow down or become lazy or complacent and when I look at it and someone asked me this I was I was sitting with an with another Creator end of last year and he was just like to me Jay why do you even do anything anymore like what what's the point like it seems like you you're good like why do you need to do anything and I was like we've just got to the start of everything like I just got to the beginning of where I need to be I was like we've just got to a point where we can connect with lots of people but we need to give people the step-by-step process to transform their life and now we can take them on the journey because people are listening they're engaged we have a community we have a connection with people but when I started out we didn't have any of that so I see it as we just got to the start of where I want to be because and and it was just interesting to me that so many people struggle to find their why and I think it's because we don't no one's and you just said your coach helped you do it it was same with me my art teacher at from age 11 to age 18 he was my art teacher at school and every time I'd paint something or Draw something or do a collage or a graphic design and whatever i' do the first question you'd ask me is why did you do it and I'd be like cuz it my initial response was because it looks good like that you know I was a kid what do I know and he'd be like every year he'd be like why did you do it and I'd be like oh cuz this color matches with this color and they be like why do you do it and I'm like oh because it reveals the metaphor that I think this is about and then he'd be like why did you do it and I'm like because that's how I'm feeling right now I'm trying to and every year it would ask me it would reveal more and more layers of my psyche in a similar way and again I've owed it to someone in my life who pushed me to ask the question why same as you and so I think what we're both saying is please ask that question to yourself but what if someone asks that question and they feel stuck and they kind of go I've asked it but it's kind of just like like just want a nice house like I just want a nice car I just I just kind of want to you know like it's not that deep and I think you're right like you said we don't have a lot of Primal fears like some people who are listening right now will have fears of survival and that is driving them and they are working hard and they are pushing and at the same time we have people who like driven but they're like I'm not driven enough because I haven't got anything to be that scared about or that worried about what how do you that person discover their way yeah I think for me it's like my life was never terrible or you know like when I when I started the yeah when I started the podcast the mindset Mentor like I was at a point in my life where I was making a whole bunch of money and I was 27 years old and I was making 250 Grand a year and I was working from home and everything was great but I felt like I was slowly withering away and I could see what the future was going to be while I was there and I said okay if I do this for another 5 years and I'm 32 years old and I'm still doing this or I have my manager's job is is that going to fulfill me and it actually gave me more anxiety to think about having my manager's job and then I sat there and I thought okay well like I really want to do this podcasting thing it seems to be going pretty well I want to coach people I want to help people and um I also at the same time was like starting an Amazon business and trying to make money online and do that and so I thought about it and I asked myself okay if I fast forward five years from today do I want to be the person that's in Sales Management like I'm doing now and Consulting do I want to be the guy that's selling stuff on Amazon and you know incredible Amazon business person or do I want to be the guy that's coaching people and helping people change their lives and the immediate answer was very clear coaching people and changing their lives and I was like okay well that feels like it's the path and then immediately comes up is all kinds of fear cuz I don't know what I'm doing like back in the day 2015 nobody made any money in podcast I didn't have any idea of how to grow a business any of that type of stuff but what was important to me was number one when I fast forward it into the future the Futures that I didn't want seemed way more painful than trying the unknown and what could be if I did take the path and so that was that became more of a fear like the fear of judgment the fear of putting myself out there other people's opinions it was there it's still there and I don't know if you ever get past it but you just kind of get more used to it but the fear of being in the exact same position working the same job maybe making a little bit more money doing this for every day until the day I die was terrifying that was that was a fear and I was like well then this path of the unknown is n as scary and so I might as well take this path of the unknown and I I'll be fully transparent there was um I shared this on uh like one other time I think there was a moment in 2015 where uh I I started the podcast in August of 2015 November of 2015 I was feeling like a whole lot of fear and I was like I might have to go back and work for someone else again and it was just fear was so in my head and I was like I got to go back to making money I got a new house I got a mortgage I don't know how I'm going to do this I'm not making any money doing this my sister came out to me and I believe you know if you're silent the messages are always there if you're looking the messages are always there my sister was at her house um and she goes hey have you ever seen this box of dad stuff and I was like No And she brought up my my father was an alcoholic he passed away and I was 15 from his alcoholism and she brought out this box and it was like his glasses it was a t-shirt of his um it was his watch and the other things were a bunch of letters my dad was in jail for a little while uh for multiple DUIs and they put him in jail and he would would write letters to us and um and he wrote a letter to my sister on her 19th birthday and I was reading this you know 2015 so he would have wrote it to her in 1999 and the very last line was I hope you live your life with courage love and laughter and I read it and it was like the universe warped and I was like oh he wrote this for me like there was a moment where I was like he wrote this to my sister but the universe is giving this message through my dad because I need to hear this right now cuz I'm in so much fear in the very first line is courage live your life with courage love and laughter and I was like I got to commit like I I I this has to be the thing I've got to make a decision and when you look at the root word of decision it's decadia which means to cut off I'm going to cut off all other options you know I'd heard like Will Smith say there's no reason to have plan B because it distracts from plan a like it's got to be the thing and I was like oh my God I got to commit to this thing I can't have any more feelings of like I'm going to go back to working for someone else this is my life path I'm either going to succeed at it I'm going to die trying and I was like I don't know what to do I was like I'm going to get this tattoo to my arm so I literally have live your life with courage love and laughter tattoo tomorrow my very first tattoo I ever got but it was like for me people always think like when you make a decision the fear disappears like I wish that I could do these things but it's like it's always there but you've got to learn that like the fear is always going to be there but my bigger fear is getting to the end of my life and having not done this having not tried to help people you know like like being in the room with with my father after he passed away when I was 15 years old and realizing cuz he was the first person I ever met the past away I'm going to be there one day and I saw it I was like oh yeah that's I'm GNA he he was a dreamer he was an amazing person but he didn't do what he wanted to do I am not going to live that life I'm going to create what I want to create and now I have all of the other fears that everyone else has but my biggest fear is getting to the end of my life and not having or not having at least gone for it yeah that's I love hearing that and you've reminded me of a great speech that Jim Carry gave funnily enough and he talked about how his dad I believe his dad and I could be getting this wrong but he said that his dad was an accountant and he did that to be safe and he said that when he was young his dad got made redundant from his safe job right Jim Carrey said that in life you are probably going to fail at something you don't love you might as well try something you do love right like this idea that I'm choosing the safe option or I'm choosing something that my parents thought my family wanted or I'm choosing something I think is secure even that's unstable and uncertain and so the uncertainty that you pursue actually is less fearful yeah because you're on top of it you're aware and I think that's that's one of the biggest habits that I think's changed my life is that I stopped believing and accepting that I would get to a place where I no longer had to use my brain right like I think we all believe subconsciously somewhere that there's a paycheck there's a bank balance there's a home there's a fashion there's a partner that means from that point on I don't have to think about anything good all good and my I'd say my best Habit in life is recognizing that that is the biggest myth that we've been sold and I just don't accept it and I'm K that my life requires constant work ethic and effort and awareness and being astute and being conscious because that is what's actually being demanded by this world a uncertain World forces you to be conscious but if you're unconscious in an uncertain world that's leading to a really dangerous place sure and but I think we're waiting for that moment where we can just not be conscious because it's so much hard work but to your point it's way harder work being unconscious oh yeah because the amount of unconscious issues that arise are numerous I think there's like a lot of wisdom in what you said because a lot of people would rather just be like well let me get to this destination once I'm there everything becomes better hey I want that too I do too right and I I thought that for a long time and and it's interesting the journey that I've had is you know um I always wanted to make money because I thought money was going to give me what I needed it would give me that Safety and Security that I never felt as a child and then I got to a goal that I wanted to get to and I realized I feel exactly the same as I've always felt I don't feel any different I don't feel any more secure I don't feel any happier I don't feel any more loved and what I realized was I thought that the achievement the recognition from other people the money in my bank account the buying cool stuff would fill what I actually thought was and and consciously now know is I thought that all of those things would fill a void that was inside of me and what I realized is what I was searching for from the external world is actually what I was searching for it for myself and so the reason why I spend so much time in silence nowadays I'll just go out of my porch and I'll just sit there for a couple hours is because I'm trying to fill the void that I have have created through life and through patterns and through heartbreaks and through all of the things that happened in my childhood and I'm trying to be there as the 38-year-old man for the 9-year-old boy that's still healing and what I've realized is that none of the material things anything externally will ever give me what I was ever searching for everything I've always searched for in the external was what I've been searching for for myself and so I don't I 100% agree with you I don't think there's any destination we ever get to I think I'm constantly going to overcome more things every single day and you know if I live to 100 I I would be so lucky and another 62 more years I don't expect that I'm going to get to the end of my life and be like I got I figured it out I think the Beautiful Thing part part about it is I think that I was given this this need for achievement to realize that it doesn't change anything because the path of wanting to achieve and doing it through business and doing it through growing and all that stuff has actually lit up inside of me um a spiritual journey that wouldn't have been there had I not wanted to go for those things yeah absolutely I heard this uh you reminded me of this story that's told about Benjamin Franklin and Benjamin Franklin had 13 virtues and these qualities that he aspired to develop in his life Simplicity authenticity patience things like that and when he was on his deathbed they asked him which one he didn't accomplish and he said it was the 13th one and they said what was that and he said humility and I love that because I think what you're saying is humility doesn't mean you're Meek or weak it means I'm able to accept there's always more to learn I don't know everything yeah and it's okay I'm going to give myself Grace for it too it isn't a feeling of I'm useless because I don't know it's actually I'll become more useful if I recognize there are things that I still have to learn and and when I'm listening to you about your spiritual journey and that silence I'm intrigued by that walk us through how you fill that void almost practice wise because I I identify with that fully and it's funny because we always talked about how our lives were kind of opposite yeah because when I met you I'd kind of gone down this deep spiritual path right but had no money and you were in the other boat where you had s you had sustained yourself financially and create a really good uh stable place for yourself but you were seeking spiritually and so we're kind of at right right we had that conversation yeah and let's talk about that too but I'm intrigued as to how does that couple of hours or whatever that time on your porch like how do you do that for people because I think we we like the sound of that but then we get distracted by the next thing what I've come to find and I can speak with them myself and just what I've seen from other people but what I've seen within myself is that I've learned a lot of lessons from my dad um most of them after his death and me processing things my father was the way that he was and he became an alcoholic because he had things in his past that he hadn't worked through and the thing that that he hadn't worked through is when he was 12 years old my father heard a gunshot he walked into the room and his dad had just shot himself in the mouth with a shotgun and so my dad grew up in rural Tennessee this is 19 you know 60s when this happened 197 yeah 1960s when this happened there wasn't a whole lot for him to understand there weren't podcasts there weren't books to read like we have nowadays and so I I always consciously knew that what was happening was that he had not healed his pain and Gabor mate says don't ask why the trauma ask why the pain and when I first heard Gabor mate I was like oh my God someone's finally saying what I always thought with my father and so you know we can look at him and say oh yeah he's an alcoholic and he didn't overcome his trauma the trauma the way it came up in my life is I became a workaholic and so I didn't you know sometimes we could see someone and say oh they drink too much alcohol they do too much drugs they eat too much food they and we can say oh yeah that that's their their addiction the problem in the hard thing in our society is that my addiction of workaholic is rewarded and people look up to it and they're like you're doing so great you're making so much money all of this is so good and what I came to find is that my workaholism was just basically me trying to not feel my feelings and to to not work through in process those things um you know like scrolling on social media could be that way for somebody it could be um some people are addicted to working out some people are addicted to you know watching TV and and there's so many some people addicted to shopping there's so many different addictions that we have and what I found is that the hardest thing for me was to stop and to just not have to I was always trying to fill every single moment of my day always try to be so busy when I didn't have something to do I'd find something to do in my business businesses you can always work all day every day and so what I've tried to do and I've I've built in my business is a lot of systems and processes through my my VP of operations has really helped me with this a ton to be able to take a lot of stuff off my plate so that I have more time to just be it's my personal belief uh that I think that God the universe life whatever it is speaks in silence and so if I want want those messages I need to be silent what I found for myself is when I would be silent a lot of anxiety would come up and I like you got to go to the next thing you got to go to the next thing this is stupid you should be doing something else and then I just realized that what I was trying to do is Achieve to fill a void but I could sit here and there's been moments where I'll sit on my porch and I'll literally just start crying and I'm like sometimes it's gratitude oh my God I can't believe I've been given this life I can't believe I've had these challenges I can't believe that I've had this come up but I'm so grateful for every single aspect of it and sometimes I just sit there and tear up and I'm like I don't know what this is but this is something my body's releasing and I need to be okay with this releasing process um you know there's there's a really interesting thing that that people could look at there's two videos that are really interesting on um on YouTube one of them is called uh polar bear trauma where they show a video of a polar there and they they shoot it with a tranquilizer gun from a a helicopter they chase it down the helicopter really heightened experience they shoot it with a tranquilizer gun so it's still awake but it's not you know completely out and it starts having a convulsion starts seizuring and eventually after it seizures it's what it's doing is it's releasing all of the cortisol all of the adrenaline from its body so that there's no trauma that comes with it and so then it goes after it's shaken for a while takes a really deep breath and it just kind of calms down almost identical video of a Impala that gets attacked by a jaguar and the Jaguar gets scared off it starts to convulse takes a deep breath and then it moves it and work taught in our lives at some point in time not to remove this and to work through these traumas and these feelings I think children naturally do it through like temper tantrums they move it and sometimes as adults we either need to have like an adult temper tantrum in safety uh where you just take a pillow and you can be angry you could be mad you could just scream you can cuss you can smash it against the bed whatever it is in in safety by yourself without other people around so you don't scare them as well and then sometimes it's also just like sitting there in silence and and realizing that what is coming is going what's it's like when you squeeze an orange what's inside of it orange juice because that's what's in it right when you sit there and you put pressure on yourself or you give yourself space what's coming out is actually what's inside and your body's natural intelligence is trying to let go of it and so for me that's what I found is that there's some moments where I'm just like incredibly grateful there's some moments where I'm I by doing nothing Jay I get so much anxiety and I'm like what is this why and instead of running from it um I get curious and I think if we could just get more Curious um like I've been reading a whole lot of Krishna merty recently I love Krishna mty and one says he one thing he says is is don't know yourself because knowing is based in the past and past is based off of memories start learning yourself which is in the present moment so be present and be like what comes up how can I be curious about this anxious feeling or these tears or whatever it is and and just be be in the space to just know yourself or get to know yourself a little bit better yeah it's so great I mean talking about that that goes to me back to what we were talking about this start of it you were saying how this idea of well what if the worst thing happens what if the best thing happens and we talking about this idea of Jim Carrey and you were saying that there's this experience of well I lost who Jim Carry was and what we've both talked about is we are so much of what our thoughts are and therefore if you change the thoughts completely you're almost a completely different human sure so then who are we right comes back to this know thyself versus learning of thyself like what has that spiritual journey taken you to understanding identity I mean God Jay that's like as deep as I can go um that that I'm just uh I am just a soul that that chose this life and um one of the things that I like to do is I like to think that I I chose this life and and um that immediately takes me from being a victim in my life oh well was me my father was this way he did this to me my mom did this to me and my teachers acted this way versus me going like I think my soul chose this life because this is whatever is needed for this path that it's on for you know whether it's reincarnation or whether it's Heaven or Hell or whatever is that comes after this I don't know but I do know like right now I do have this life as Rob dial and as I get older the thing I realize that my body changes I'm not as fast as I used to be I'm a lot more sore than I used to be like my body's changing but my soul is this thing that is just always there and so the thing that I've that I've come to realize is that I want to I don't know if it's going to sound weird like I want to unattach myself from this body from everything around me and I want to try to connect back to what's internally inside of me and the one thing that I find is that that never changes like that there's like a a a truth that's behind that and Truth is a thing that that never changes if something changes or if something can be questioned it's not true but there's this feeling that feels like truth inside of me at least and everybody has their own truth but for me my truth is there something that's behind all of it and the more that I connect to it the more peace that I have like I listen to a lot of Romas and um one of the things that he said I was I was listening to him on the drive over here and I listen to this meditation every day is the only work that you have to do is the connection to your own heart and so I'm always constantly thinking what's in the way of my own heart what what material possessions what things that I want to to get are in the way of that and the reason why I think that it helps is number one I've I've had so much more peace from trying to connect to that and my relationship with my wife has been so much better because of it cuz I'm not blocking her from letting her in she's experiencing me fully she's she starts to be able to open up even more in different ways I'd be able to experience her more fully and so for me it's just like connecting to the thing that's behind it that feels like the only thing that's Truth Now mind you if if Rob 15 years ago had heard this he would be like what the hell is that guy talking about it would make no sense but on this journey I've just I've just kind of realized that there's something behind it all and I want to try to connect to that something behind it all and see what it is and so for me it's like I I I like to use myself as a guinea pig everything I teach in the mindset mentor and the podcast is all stuff that I'm trying Within Myself and I I use it as almost my own therapy sessions where I'm talking to everybody but I'm talking to myself I'm reminding myself of all these things and um what I realized is I I realized that after 15 19 years of personal development it's like you know personal development is like this this this cup right here and I feel like my cup in personal development was overflowing and then I found Spiritual Development and I realized oh my God it's a lot bigger cup and it's not even close to being full like it's a bucket and it needs it it's my next thing that I'm working on so for me it's like the mindset the working through like I'm constantly working on this and trying to get better but for me it's like I want to connect to myself and see what else is in there yeah for sure thank you for sharing that I mean you made me remember a CS Lewis statement that says you don't have a soul you are the soul and you have a body yeah and I remember I used to have that written on a little poster note and I used to look at it every day first thing in the morning because I was thinking about this concept of identity that the first thing 99% of us do when we wake up first thing in the morning is we look in the mirror usually we say something like G I look tired or don't like that spot or God I put on weight God whatever it is right now all of a sudden we're already in the bodily concept of life this bodily Consciousness and now you live your whole day thinking about the body what does the body need the body needs food Etc and so and that's natural like that's not unnatural that's normal like I do that too but then you're saying that at the same time you've got to nurture and nourish and connect with this deeper sense how do you balance the two in a real world where you have responsibilities you have bills you have things to do that are connected to the body but then at the same time we're like but you're not this body so how how do you balance how do you make sense of these two seemingly opposite Pursuits yeah I mean I'm the thing that I that I think I would have thought five or 10 years ago was that the more that I get into Spiritual Development the less motivated I'll become or the most the less I will want to achieve that hasn't gone away in any sort of way but what I have found is that I achieved through a place of of it's more like I'm not white knuckling my way through life anymore I'm not I can take action and not be so wrapped up in my fears and my limiting beliefs and so it's not like you I'm I'm in the world and and of the world at the same time where it's like the soul is here and I get as I'm speaking to everything that I say is also something that I struggle with every single day I have not mastered this process there'll be times where I find myself just so in the world and I'm just like stressed there's things happening there's this business where there's all of this you know we got employees we're hiring people there's stuff happening and then I just take a step back and I'm like it's just it's just like kind of like a game like take a second like that's it's all real that's I'm not saying that's it's not true it's not reality it's not in front of you it's all there but behind it all if I can connect to like a deeper sense that's within me and in the the soul that I feel is in there I'm like hey man chill out for a second like it's really not that big of a deal right most things you know there are there are definitely some things that are big deals in people's lives and there's deaths and there's there's um things that people have to you know be in control of and be able to pay bills and all that stuff all those are real and they're definitely necessary but behind it all you're still there yeah and there's this thing that if I can take myself back and kind of like out of my own head and kind of into my heart which has been a big Journey for me because I was I'm so analytical and was never really taught like feelings and how to feel and process emotions but if I can take myself out of my head and into my heart what I've always found is that my head is always projecting itself into the future or sometimes projecting itself into the past but most for me like if I sit down and meditate sometimes it's like all of my to-do list all of the things that I have to do and it's projecting itself into the future so my brain is always somewhere else my body it's always here and so when I notice myself get stressed I notice myself get anxious I notice myself whatever feelings I might be feeling if I if I can take a couple deep breaths and kind of get back into my body I'm like it's not that bad like you'll you you have overcome so many things in your life you'll figure out a way to get through it and so what I found is that it's not that I don't take the action it's not that I'm not um wanting to achieve more and more things and be able to have more fun and have more do all of this stuff in the external world but when I find myself kind of take a step back and kind of be in my heart is it makes it a lot easier where I'm not like white knuckling and forcing my way through life it's almost like I'm allowing life to happen through me and I don't know how it works and I don't pretend to be smart enough but things start happening around me that help me in the process of getting to wherever it is that I actually want to truly go yeah it's there's this really interesting thing in eastern Traditions there's obviously this idea of Oneness and that everything's one and then there's this idea of Duality that there's this side and then there's this side and one teaching that I've really connected with is this idea idea of simultaneously one and different and it sounds complex but it's actually not it's this idea that this feels real and and it can be real and it is real and at the same time there is a greater reality so rather than this feeling of everything's one everything's the same or it's disconnected There's real and fake it's actually this idea that a lot of things are real but they're not the full picture so the idea that today and play it's like saying the weather's rainy and cloudy but that's not the weather everywhere so it's my current reality but it's not reality across the whole world and when you start looking at life in that way of there's this reality and then there's this bigger reality I think that's that zoom out that's that let me take a breath that's that let let me look at the inner world as well and I think what it does is it gives you a certain Grace and it gives you a certain Detachment disconnection but also a recognition of the significance of what you do and the insignificance of it both are so needed like I believe what I do is significant and at the same time it's totally insignificant you won't we won't be remembered in a thousand years and it's so okay and but we take it so seriously and if you only do one or the other like if I only see my life as extremely significant everything's too high pressure yeah oh my gosh I would I would it would hurt me and it would cause me pain if I thought everything I did was of utmost significance and if I thought my life was insignificant if I thought my life was irrelevant that would be really bad for myself a I won't be able to function right and so I think it's really interesting because the more and more I'm learning I'm like I have to learn how to hold these two seemingly opposite things but actually they're so connected and symbiotic and they're so synchronous because they both have value going back to which thought has value the the collective thought thought of my life is significant and insignificant is the most helpful thought thinking I'm significant or insant are both unhelpful thoughts oh my God that's you actually just summarized perfectly what I feel like actually has been going through my head for years which is what I do I do believe is so important and at the same time I'm like none of it matters right it's it's this weird Duality that we live but it's so freeing because it it takes so much pressure off where it just becomes like fun like it's it's how can I bring more fun into life like when did we lose the the joy of life and the fun of life that we had as children when was it programmed out of us and how can I connect to that child and bring that Spirit back in and be like yeah I'm going to do some amazing things in the world but without it being stressful with just with it being fun and with it being something that I can do and it and it effortlessly flows out of me like I believe that every single person is incredibly creative and we are we are creators at the actual core of us and a lot of us have lost it and I lost it for years and so what I think is how can I make the creativity flow out of me in some sort of way and just allow the space for it to happen and one of the things that happens and it's not necessarily my my goal of it but when I sit in silence I get ideas that come through and I'm like oh man I don't know how I didn't see this and that's where they all are so it's like a lot of times we're trying to force things to happen we're trying to force creativity we're trying to force ideas but sometimes when I get there I'm like oh man yeah this is the thing I've been searching for and it's just I think every person just needs to give themsel just a little bit more space to not be on their phone to not be constantly you know and I a lot of people have children their their children are up can you wake up a little bit earlier not be on your phone and just sit in silence and see what comes up and and I think that it's really important for people because um what you'll notice is exactly what you're saying which is what we do like this life is so important but it is very insignificant and that's okay there's nothing wrong with that like I've I love watching videos on YouTube about how small the Earth is compared to the rest of the universe and it stresses my wife out she's like I'm going to have a panic attack why why do you watch this because I was like I like to remind myself that even though it's all happening and I'm in it none of it actually truly matters yeah and that's okay absolutely and I think when I'm listening to you there's this feeling that you know I feel like I agree with you I think everyone is a Creator I do believe that creativity flows when we connect with that but I think sometimes we feel so distracted from it yeah and it's so much easier to pull out our phone it's so much easier to put on a show in the background it's so much easier to do all of these it's so much easier to do all those things at the same time yeah like now we're no longer ever with one person we're with one person we're both on our phones and we're watching a show at the same time and we got our laptops doing work so you've literally got three screens in front of you five screens in total and there's there's so much dis distraction right we know that how does a person possibly and I say this out of like compassion and empathy because it's like it requires so much from us right because everything around us is built for distraction the foods we're eating the the things we drink and consume the the stuff that's created around us it's all to distract so you're fighting like almost what feels to a lot of people like a losing battle right what do you do to get pick yourself back up I mean what's more what's what's more important than that you know what's more important than connecting to your true self to working on yourself like I why do I like why am I so hardcore in mindset because I know how many people are so wrapped up in in their mindset and their thoughts and their beliefs and their patterns that they're stuck in and what ultimately we all want I think is is freedom and the way to get through to that freedom is to work on yourself whatever that looks like for whatever stage someone is in you know and and I can have uh empathy for every person at every stage cuz I've been through so many stages of of my process and um I think that it comes back to like why are you doing it what do you want if if you're trying to disconnect from your phone why you know like for me like I I recently deleted Instagram from my phone I did it last year for a month felt like it was amazing the book came out and I was like I got to get back on I got to promote I got to make sure things are good I recently just deleted it again and now everything that that I post everything flows through my team so I'm it's not like it's just gone it's just now I just happened to to flow everything flows through my team why did I do that though was because I don't want to live my life on that phone and that one thing that I noticed is that Instagram was one of the things where I would pick it up and I would just somehow get to it and I wasn't even thinking about getting to it and I was like my life is not this little tiny thing my life is everything that's out here and so why do I want to get why did I delete it was because I actually want to to be in everything I want to be present with my wife when we have children I want to be present with our children I want to be the most present version of myself as I possibly can and I can't imagine that I'll get to the end of my life be 100 years old and be like I wish I would have spent more time on Instagram I wish I would to spend more time watching Netflix you know and I have I've I've been addicted to all of those things I'm not you know uh above any of this stuff but I started looking at myself and saying like is this helping me get to where I want to be in life is it creating more peace in my life for me it was creating way more stress so was perpetuating these feelings that I'm trying to let go of and trying to work with and so for me I think what's important to people is like if you want to make a change why do you want to make the change and for me looking at a screen is not as important as actually physically being in front of my wife and giving her what she actually truly deserves which is 100% of my attention because there's been times where I've not given her 100% of my attention and as I as we start to have kids and stuff I don't want to be a distract Ed parent I want to be with them I I'll never sit there and go well when my kids were kids my kids were children like I wish I would have spent more time on Instagram I wish I to spent more time watching Netflix I just think for me like the the the level of the the place I'm at in my life is I want to be as present as possible because I've worked for things I've climbed ladders I've gotten to different places I've realized none of those things fulfilled me in any sort of way and this journey I've been on in the past you know 10 years s years ago and we started talking about the B of gaita and I started meditating a whole lot more and getting into is I realized oh these things are bringing me peace and the more peaceful I feel the more that it becomes easy to actually achieve and create the stuff that I want to in life and so for me the presence and the peace at this point in my life things might change I don't know what it's going to be in five years are actually the things that are the most important to me yeah it's so interesting I think we feel like being anxious and being you know kind of like busy and stuff will actually create the most Effectiveness but well you just said this idea of if you start from a place of peace and I think about I completely agree with that if you walk into something with Stillness it gives you Clarity gives you perspective you can zoom out you can zoom in if you're buzzing around and moving around you lose all of that it's all blurry and fuzzy and I want to ask you what's what's a lesson you wish you learned earlier in life I think it's that what you're searching for externally you're actually search searching for yourself um I think that's become very apparent to me in the past few years is is I was always looking for somebody to give me love somebody to give me acceptance to achieve so that I could be accepted and what I actually truly think is what I was searching for from everyone else was what I was searching for for myself so a lot of people that are like I I a lot of people I know are people Pleasers they come to me Rob people pleas are and it's like they'll change themsel to try to get love and acceptance from somebody else but that's just feeling a you know it's like a Hungry Ghost it just the the food just goes through the ghost it doesn't go anywhere and what we're actually searching for is what we're searching that that love and acceptance for ourself and um one of the biggest things that I think I've learned in probably the past two years is I was always trying to grow and change myself because there were aspects of myself that I didn't like and I I I resented and what I've changed to in the past couple years years is I'm going to love every aspect of myself so there's some parts of Rob that are beautiful that are amazing that love people that want to connect there's there's some great parts of Rob there's some parts of Rob also that are very selfish that are very judgmental that are um a little bit short not as present as he should be instead of trying to change those and hate those I've actually just tried to love them and realize that the selfish Rob that exists was some sort of thing that he that was a part of past conditioning that came up from needing to be selfish as a child for whatever it might have been whatever reasons it might have been and I can love that side of me what I realize is that if I try to change it it gets stronger if I love it and I accept it it kind of chills out and it doesn't disappear like I'm not like yeah these parts me don't exist it's me looking like internal family systems is a is a therapy where you look at all parts of you and who you are and you try to figure out a way to understand how the entire Orchestra works together you know when I was when I was writing my book I was sitting there and I was I was going so hardcore like you and I come from the world of creating viral videos I would spend so much time on every single line to make sure it was perfect right cuz I wanted to make sure like I've only got 30 seconds or a minute to get the the message to be as clear and concise as possible let me try to make as perfect as possible and I used to do a lot of poetry used to do a lot of songw writing when I was younger so I was used to making every line as potent as I could as I was writing this book I was like 16 rounds of edits in editing every single piece of it and there was a part of me that said it said why are you doing this like why are you doing this and I was like I want to write a book that helps people and changes people's lives I want someone to not know what the mindset Mentor podcast is but they walk into Barnes & Noble they see this book and they're like interesting let me read it let me pick it up and they read it and it changes their life and then I played Devil's Advocate and I said but you also wanted to be successful don't you you also want it to be your New York Times besteller so you can have a little badge to put on yourself and say New York Times best seller you want it to be this incredibly selling thing because you know if it takes off you're going to make great money for a very long time if it's a perennial seller and I thought to myself okay can I use that ego inside of me to actually help me create a better book and I could and so what I realized is instead of hating that aspect it's like a tool in my tool belt when I need to bring that side of me out I can bring out side that side of me out and say you know what I'm going to create the best freaking book that I can or the best podcast that I can or the best real that I can to try to impact people and so it's not about like trying to force change on myself it's about loving every aspect of myself the quote unquote good and bad even though there is no good or bad but every aspect of Rob and if I need to use it I can bring it up and say hey Rob I need this version of you right now but I'm not going to fight it anymore yeah yeah in the monaster we'd always talk about how the word is uh anartha which means unwanted thing that seems unwanted actually needs to be engaged like you need to engage it in the service of doing something higher for it to be purified like you can't just cut it out you can't just get rid of it you can't just hate it to go away you can't just shame it away you can't just guilt it away it has to be engaged in a higher service I impacting others helping others improving your own life improving the lives of others because when it's engaged then it becomes purified because if you just ignore it it would just stay there and if you try and push it away it's going to push back and get stronger but if you engage it and go yeah you know what I do have that in me but I'm going to use that tendency to try and help this PE help this person do this that's the only way that it starts to be purified and so that that resonates very strongly great answer the other one I wanted to ask you was what's a lesson you have to learn the hard way yeah I think the one that's been the most potent for a long time is you can't do it all on your own um for me I don't think I was able to trust people for a very long time um you know I went to a therapist one time and he had said yeah you've been you've been neglected and I was like no I haven't been neglected like I I had food Water Shelter clothing all these things and he's like no you were emotionally neglected from your father and and I was like oh my God I that really like Rings true but what happened was I had developed this feeling over my lifetime of I've got to do it alone I can't trust anybody no one else can do for me you know like there were times when my dad would even though and he was an amazing person I always tell people like I was I'm so grateful that I had the father that I had um he was he never beat me he never yelled at me he never touched me inappropriately he would just get drunk and fall asleep and when he fell asleep he'd forget about me in a lot of different ways right so there was that neglect of like I might he would say hey I'm going to come pick you up and we're going to go fishing because I lived in Florida and I you know would sit on the front porch for an hour two hours of my fishing pole and he would just never show up right and so there were there aspects of that and I think somewhere along the line I developed this feeling of like no one's going to help me I have to do it all on my own which there's a piece of that which there is some truth right like I do have to sometimes step forward and be the person to do it but for the longest time I never understood the phrase no man is an island because I was like I have done everything by myself and then I started looking around me and I was like no I haven't the universe has always been there giving me everything that I need and every person to help me in some sort of way improve and get better and you know as everything's grown the podcast has grown my my company has grown all this stuff we have 30 people on the team like I can't do it on my own I can't help people on my own the way that I I wish that I could if I was I'm not 30 people I don't have 30 days you know they can get done in we can get done in one day that I could get done an entire month and so what's been big for me is is um trusting people to be able to help me and to be able to ask for help whether that be in a business but also like going into my life be like hey I'm really struggling right now like can you just talk to me for a few minutes and knowing that she doesn't think like oh he's not man enough which is you know fear that I had like oh if I go to her with my problems she's going to be like he's not man enough but for her to be like yeah let me hold space for you let's talk it out and so I think the biggest thing for me is like is learning that I can't do it all on my own it's okay to it's actually strength to ask for help it's strong to ask for help and um and that I need to be better at asking for help when I do need it that's a great one that's a great one I can relate to it in so many ways and and yeah it strikes a chord for sure and I think so many of us you know both of those questions think about it you know what's taken what's a lesson you learned the hard way and what's a lesson you wished you learned earlier yeah and write them down because you might forget it yeah and and you kind of fold back into that cycle often Rob we uh end every on purpose episode the final five these questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum oh my God okay and so I'm so wordy that's a that's a I'll do my best Rob these are your final five the first question is what is the best advice you've ever heard or received I'll give you the I'll give you the sentence and if you want me to explain it I can but everything is your fault yeah you can explain it everything is your fault comes back to like you are the CEO of your life I my very first Mentor that I had I paid $500 a month to have my first coach when I was 19 to turn 20 and we worked together for two years and we had some great calls I don't remember any of them I remember one and what it was was I had made so many excuses as to why I was late to calls why I didn't hit my assignments why I didn't do what I needed to do and he had this really tough conversation with me and he said Rob if a business succeeds whose faults is it and I was like I mean what do you mean he's like if a business succeeds all 10,000 employees move into the direction they they have a successful year whose fault is it that the person who orchestrated I was like the CEO he said if a business bus fails whose fault is it and it's the CEO he said Rob if you get to the end of your life and it's not what you wanted it to be and you didn't create the life that you wanted to make the money that you wanted to have the success the love the happiness travel the places that you wanted to whose fault would it be and I said it' be my fault and he said if you did create the life that you wanted to you had the love the happiness the abundance everything that you wanted whose fault would that be and I said it would be my fault and he said the problem with you is you're treating this treating this life is if you're the victim and what you need to realize that everything that happens to you is your fault and that your life won't change until you decide that you want to be the CEO of your life I don't know how that would have felt when you heard it at that point yeah exactly with that mindset like and I think a lot of people today would find that offensive they might get hurt by it they might what how did you transferred that energy to be like no this is actually helpful it's not hurtful yeah I mean I was a little bit hurt but there's I felt truth I felt like yeah he's right cuz in when I look at the path of where my life was going to go had I continued to blame everybody else it wasn't going to be good but when I looked at people who who I knew who took full ownership of their life one of my my uh probably my first Mentor without even it being on purpose was my Uncle Dan who was an incredibly successful guy um had a bunch of success but also is incredibly giving always so loving and he never blamed anybody else for when his business failed and he brought it back from from nothing and rebuilt it he never blamed anybody else he was always there for everyone else but he always took everything as his responsibility and you know it's like not everything that's happened to you in your life is your fault but whatever it is that you have it is your responsibility to work through Will Smith also said this right where it's like I it's not my fault that my father is an alcoholic but it's my responsibility to do with what do with it because it's a reality that I have and I have to work through those things and so for me it was like it rang really true where I was like I was like okay it's right and if my life is going to change I have to be the person to change it and that's when it like clicked for me that conversation I could say is absolutely 100% the one conversation that changed my life completely powerful uh second question what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received fit in with everybody else good uh question number three what is your most repeated thought as of recently is I'm proud of you I try to tell myself that every single day my mom told me that a lot as a kid I'm trying to repeat it to myself I love that that's a great one uh question number four the number one habit that changed your life like a daily habit like something that you practice meditation and breath work SP finding space for myself love it uh Fifth and final question if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be my God take it uh one law that everybody in the world has to follow to take five minutes every single day to practice self-awareness I think that every problem in this world could be solved if people were more self-aware I think that that all of our problems come from lack of self-awareness and if people are more aware of our actions you know if politicians are more aware of their actions and how it's affecting the entire world and if parents were aware of how their actions are affecting their children and as you know a son if I'm aware of how my actions are uh affecting my mom my sister my wife everybody around me if we could take five minutes to practice being more self-aware I think that the entire world would be better I love that Rob Dal everyone the book is called level up how to get focused stop procrastinating and upgrade your life if you don't have a copy go and grab it already you'll be able to see my testimonial right on the back you're the top on the back there make sure you go and grab a copy and tag me and Rob on Instagram on X on Tik Tok with what resonated with you what connected with you I love seeing and I want Rob to see as well what you're practicing what you're trying to put into action in your life and I can't wait for you to level up Rob thank you again thank you man uh for coming on and opening your heart and being so vulnerable and at the same time giving so many practical insights of how people can move from where they are to where they really want to be and even deeper so thank you so much I appreciate well thank thank you Jay like I've I've known you for seven years now and your inspiration for like doing good in the world and and I I can see that the actions that you take are from your heart and from a place of purpose and it's inspiring for me to always see that thank you man I appreciate you of course thank you if you love this episode you'll love my interview with Dr gabo mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to St moving on from the past everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable so a tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick does it it grows where it's soft and green and vulnerable