the advice you're following is all wrong I have been watching self development content for almost 10 years of my life now and I have tried every single piece of popular advice out there a majority of it is BS and in my own life experience I figured out what those pieces of advice should be replaced with instead so in this video I'm going to give my two pence on what you should stop listening to and what you should start doing instead in this video I'm going to be going through 15 pieces of very popular mainstream self-help advice and what I think it should be instead if you like this type of content I recently did a similar type of video was called 15 Dating Rules that changed my life so be sure to check it out I also have my podcast the link to pre-order the book that I'm publishing this summer in the description along with all of my other socials so make sure you check it out and let's get into it bad advice number one think realistically do you know what this really means when people say think realistically it means think pessimistically because let's be for real for a second why are you putting limits on yourself how do you know what's realistic when you haven't even lived or exper experienced in that situation yet all that thinking realistically really means is that you are about to settle for a reality that is safer and more predictable in the long run that is it but do you think when people like Elon Musk set up self-driving cars you think that was a realistic idea technically no but he did it anyway right that kind of idea would never be realistic to the average person but it was to Elon Musk and that is exactly why he did it and this is what I mean you need to choose what your version of realistic is and to stop taking advice from everybody else on what you should be doing whether or whether not it's risky enough or realistic enough but then again you shouldn't be concerning yourself with the word realistic at all because you're still risking hindering your own growth and not fulfilling your full potential it's like if someone was to think oh I want to live in this huge mansion with a pool halfway across the world and they think oh but it's not realistic so let me just try and do things that align to my current version of reality because then it guarantees that I'll have it more you are killing a dream before you've even tried it before you even taken the first step to do it okay and you are basing your future from your current reality which you are not satisfied with and does not align to the ideas that are in your head and yet you're just like I'll just go with it what the that is honestly the saddest thing I've ever heard realistic thinking is for lazy people that is that I said what I said two love is hard work I wanted to put this in the video because of this new Netflix show called one day I'm going to be for real I actually have not watched it I started it and I got really bored of it but I know all about the show because I've been seeing all of the Tik toks people have been making around it and I know the premise of the story line and how it's two people who love each other and it's been 20 years and they haven't been together and the guy is not acting right he definitely has an avoidant attachment style the girl is spawning over him and then the whole story has a sad ending anyway right and people are making Tik toks about this show romanticizing their love story foring over it and saying how it's so cute stop it people love to romanticize struggle in love and they think it's cute they normalize it because part of you thinks that love has to be earned but here's the thing love isn't hard love is so easy there are literally zero obstacles to true love it doesn't take separations or confusion or other people or situationships or breakups to get someone ghosting you for a while just for you guys to end up in the end is not oh that's such a cute story it's f up to be honest all it shows is your lack of boundaries and your lack of self-respect and it's the same people that think Love Takes work and love is hard that are on about right person wrong time wrong there is no such thing as right person wrong time because the right person would make the time for you they wouldn't use something as fickle as time to let them keep themselves away from you when they can recognize that you are the person for them and when they fully value you because why would they risk running the chance of somebody else being able to take up your time and losing you in the process it's so dumb okay the right person would change their schedule the right person would compromise the right person would communicate to work out a way of how you guys could make a relationship work not this is a bad time see you in a bit I and in the hopes of stringing you along breadcrumbing you so that they can still keep your attention while giving you absolute bare minimum effort ew what's hard is the shock that comes when someone can come into your life and love you so passionately and so abundantly yet so soon and that is exactly why I preach working on your self- Lov and self-worth so that you can get rid of the only hard part that is stopping you from experiencing the love of your life yourself and whether or whether not you think you deserve and what type of love you think you are worthy of and that way when you've done the inner work and the right love comes along you won't doubt it for a second there won't be a singular hard part about it three follow your heart over your mind following Your Heart Right do you know what your heart chases out dopamine spikes do you know what the biggest dopamine hits are provided by narcissists abusers toxic people that play it hot and cold with you to get you stuck in a trauma run with them that that is really what you're chasing when you're following your heart your brain your logic is going to save you every single time from being stuck years deep in a situation relationship simply because you felt really really happy and really really passionate at High Times during that relationship because it was such an effing roller coaster your brain is going to allow you to set higher standards so you're not stuck powerless trying to chase after somebody who you are completely under their control simply because you like them your heart with all of its urges desires feelings and emotions while it's chasing after that dopamine it's also chasing after familiarity so it is going after things it knows has given it dopamine in the past whether it be good or bad so if you have grown up around bad friends around a chaotic family environment you've had bad relationships in the past your heart is going to go out and seek exactly that because it's predictable and you know where to get your dopamine fixed from okay logically you know going after a healthy relationship means a healthier long-term satisfaction and happiness and actually feeling loved supported and safe but if you haven't experienced that in the past your heart doesn't know to go after that it feels actually dangerous because it's so unpredictable and you won't know how to be in that situation or whether it's going to end up badly or not whereas your brain you can actually rewire it to go after what you know you need rather what feels familiar four you need to figure out what you're doing and get your life plann together probably the worst piece of advice on this list everyone including you me celebrities millionaires the richest business owners have no idea what they're doing and how could they it's all our first time doing life how the hell do any of us have the cheat code or the answers to what we're supposed to do of course we seek advice we try and learn we try new things we fail we get back up we apply the lessons we've learned we read books but at the end of the day you never know until you try and that's what separates successful people from the masses they embrace the process of failure and they keep failing just to get back up and try again because they know with every single failure comes the cheat codes comes all of the lessons that nobody else has because how else are you supposed to get them you are not naturally going to have the knowledge of being a business owner when this is your first time trying out life it is through life experience that you gain that knowledge and that wisdom which is why it seems like some people get to a certain destination faster than other people because you don't see the dozens of times that they failed beforehand it is your responsibility to build your cheat code to life okay and I will use myself as an example everyone's like how did you blow up on YouTube so fast how are you so young and you live by yourself and you do this and you're financially stable and you have this as your career I spent the last 10 years of my life failing that's why what other people don't see is the YouTube channel I set up 10 years ago which failed the Fashion Bug I set up which failed the two businesses I set up which I quit I have done so many things and throughout all of them have given me the skills and the lessons which made me able to make this one a success same goes for dating every single failed relationship I've had and trust me there have been a lot have just redirected me to a better more positive path because every single X has slowly gotten better because of the lessons I learned prior and this is why I tell people as well to celebrate breakups don't shame yourself and feel guilty for not knowing what you were doing and for getting into a relationship with the wrong person because how else were you supposed to know you were supposed to be on that path so that you could figure out exactly what you want and what you didn't want and so when you break up and you're ready to date again you are now more equipped with better knowledge on how to find the right partner and you repeat that process throughout your life until you finally get married to the person that you were meant to be with because of all the lessons you learned along the way you are so used to victimizing yourself and comparing yourself to other people's Journeys assuming that they just know something that you don't or they had a step ahead that you didn't truth is they just took action and failed to get the answers faster while you were out here overthinking and prolonging the entire process five therapy is only for traumatized people so wrong in fact you should be taking therapy even when you are the most content you are in your life I've taken therapy when I was not suffering from anything I was not in a painful situation I wasn't sad about anything I simply did it to honor my self-love why wouldn't you want to check if you have any limiting beliefs or wounds holding you back that you're not even aware of because a lot of the time we are self-sabotaging and we don't even know it I think the most loving Act of all is seeking advice from someone with an unbiased Viewpoint who's going to be able to give you solid advice on how you can improve yourself and your life and the best source of that is therapy and better help does just that better help is an online therapy service that is suitable for any budget and any lifestyle as you can gain access to expert advice from the comfort of your own home this video is a paid partnership with better help I've been partnered with them for a while because I love what they stand for and love the fact that they are making therapy accessible for anybody of any budget at any age so they can get the help they need to be able to level up in their life better help prioritizes offering the most comfortable and flexible form of therapy that suits your preferences to get started all you have to do is fill out a questionnaire filling out your needs so that you can get best matched to a therapist that will suit your needs in most cases 48 hours or less you can have your therapy sessions as a phone call video chat or even text message your therapist you can schedule your therapy sessions at a time that is completely suitable and convenient to you and if you feel like you and your therapist aren't quite a match which is very common when people start therapy then you can switch your therapist at no additional cost when you're using better help so if you're ready to get some action and advice that will help suit your needs in leveling up your life and yourself and check out better help using my link below in the description will get you 10% off your first month of better help six this is my personal favorite you need to be humble people love to go on about so and so should be humble so and so needs to be grounded so and so needs to be brought back to Earth you know what all of that tells me you're intimidated by successful people and that's why you feel the need to constantly bring them back down cuz here's the thing how do you know they're not grounded how do you know they're not humble because majority of the time it's about celebrities or influencers that you've never met in real life you've never had a full on conversation with and you know absolutely nothing about except for the few minutes that they show you online because truly the only information you actually know is by how much they're growing and how much they're succeeding and yet all you can think think about is how to judge them by their humility and here's the thing why I am so against this whole conversation topic do you even know what the dictionary definition of being humble is it is to have a low sense of One's Own importance does that not just go against everything we speak about on this channel people have made such a big deal about this and it's so widely accepted to be able to judge people and be like you should be humble you should be humble blah it's literally the same as the kind of people that will hate on you for being too confident but if you're insecure and you hate yourself that's fine they'll say nothing about that no problem because that makes them feel more comfortable it's those people who love you and are so comfortable around you when you fit into the tiny little small box they have of you in their head but the second that their friend wants to try out something new to benefit their own life then they have everything bad to say oh you changed you think you're all this and that now you need to be brought back down to earth you're so delusional who do you think you are no but seriously you need to start picking yourself up you need to start speaking on all of your accomplishments and all of your growth because why the hell wouldn't you I love when people know exactly who they are and they own it like yes absolutely I'm not going to associate myself with you because I know my worth and I know what aligns to me and where I want to be and so I'm only going to surround myself with that energy like yes that is what we call self-respect and self- love and people will hate you for it because they will feel like you think that you're better than them and that you are making them feel inferior but honey you are the only person that is making yourself feel inferior nobody else is is saying that about you it is your intimidation of people that are making bigger moves which just highlights the fact that you're not moving at all okay so stay mad and stay bothered it's got nothing to do with humility and everything to do with your insecurity you should be able to acknowledge your beauty and acknowledge how far you've come without fear that you're coming across as bragging or being too full of yourself you are only bragging when the people you are speaking to are jealous of you that's all seven aspire to be a good woman I disagree I think you should embrace being a bad woman after all everything that encompasses the idea of being a nice easygoing good girl is being a people pleaser put everybody else before your own needs never saying no don't be too loud don't overdress don't be too ambitious don't be too outspoken always look out for others don't be too selfish don't be too much of anything basically don't be yourself and you will be broken down into this tiny little box until you make everybody around you feel so so comfortable and then as a byproduct you never achieve anything at all ever be selfish because you owe it to yourself it is not your life's purpose to make sure everyone around you is okay you will get so much further in life the sooner you stop playing up to everybody's desires and expectations of you and finally start getting comfortable with disapproval and letting people down because it liberates you in finally getting to do whatever the hell you want and be whoever the hell you want to be be a bad woman be the main character of your own life conserve your energy your time your emotions your skills and your money let go of everyone's opinions of whether you're doing good or bad or right or wrong because they're never going to have a valid opinion of you anyway and focus on doing right by your future self instead because I promise you the people that are surrounding you right now and are so bothered and are so involved in what you're doing and what it looks like and how it should be done I promise you they are not going to be where you are going to be in 10 years if you simply just focus on yourself because they clearly can't do that for themselves since they are so in your business being a nice easygoing good girl is so overrated I love being selfish I love being full of myself and let me tell you if I didn't Embrace that life path I wouldn't be in my own apartment right now I wouldn't be doing this as a career I'd probably be getting married off and I would have the most boring effing job ever meaning I would be completely unfulfilled and I would not wake up every single day so grateful for the life that I get to live because I created it on my own terms and did people disagree in the beginning absolutely but are people cheering me on now because I succeeded yes and it happens to every single person because people love to think that they know better than women and they love to educate them thinking that other women need their advice and that they need to teach them how to be and how to look and how to be likable but please please please please finally own your own intelligence and honor the dreams you have for your life because they're there for a reason nobody knows you like you know you and if that means looking like a bad disrespectful selfish woman to other people then so be it they weren't your people in the first place eight you need to take time to truly find yourself and how do you suppose I do that please I'm right here I know where I am and who I am exactly so what the hell am I finding please this advice is BS because you don't need to find yourself you need to take time to create yourself to be more intentional with who you want to be and what life you want to live and those ideas have nothing to do with who you are right now so why would you try and find that person trying to find yourself is a waste of time if you are not satisfied with your current circumstances I personally see Life as a game so I look at life and I think how can I grow how much further can I get how strong can I become mentally and physically and emotionally how much of the trauma that started me off on this journey of Life can I heal and overcome because my perception is we all start this game of life with our own unique set of obstacles and within the first few years of our life at the first decade we also uncover this ideal of what we want our life to be and often times that ideal and that dream we have is very far from the set of obstacles and circumstances that we were given from our first day of life and so therefore the game of life is to close the gap between the ideal and what you actually have your reality right to bring them together so then you can build your dream so instead of focusing on finding yourself every single day needs to be committed to aligning yourself and your life to the ideal rather than focusing on and victimizing yourself over your current circumstances it's a waste of time and energy become the type of person who knows they're going to live their dream instead of normalizing and validating what they were given nine you should have loads of friends or only having one friend means that you're a loner or you're the problem blah blah blah blah blah I highly disagree because people be out here making friends with anybody these days and it's embarrassing it's giving zero standards and zero boundaries I carefully observe anyone in my life trying to make advances to be my friend and that is just me engaging with my self-respect okay because I have very high standards for the people that I will allow into my life whether it's dating or friendship and of course I have the bare minimum Foundation to consider when people are trying to be my friend which is kindness loyalty trust respect but then I have alignment to consider as well and this is why I don't be making friends with absolutely anybody who's like oh my God I like you so much let's be friends because what if you're an energy vampire what if we don't align what if our conversations aren't fulfilling I'm not making friends just to be friends okay because whoever I keep in my inner circle I am inevitably going to become the average of so I better make sure that I admire you I respect you our mindsets align our Ambitions and our values align if you if we are eventually going to rub off on each other then that is extremely important I don't care if you're nice and you like me and you're funny bear minimum having a bunch of friends is actually just having poor spiritual hygiene you are surrounding yourself with all of these people that are misaligned that you have outgrown that drain you and that you have fallen out of frequency with and yet you stay with them so that you have someone to go to a party with or talk to no thanks 10 keep your achievements to yourself because evil eye is real when you believe in evil eye you are forfeiting your Birthright to Joy you are forcing yourself to keep quiet about the things that should be raising your vibration as you shout from the rooftops about how joyful and grateful you are about them and listen absolutely I know people were on you and they will pray on your downfall and they will wish bad things for you because they are so jealous but who is to say that their negative energy has more power over my prayers because listen me and the universe we are like this okay not only that but I the creator of my world and no one no matter whether it's good or bad is going to have an effect on my world and that is because I have an internal locus of control meaning anything that happens in my life I know is of my own making or of my benefit even if it's bad if I go through a breakup if my heart gets broken if I get rejected if I fail something it is a learning curve and I think people who believe in evil eye voluntarily because it's a social media Trend are basically just taking the easy lazy way out which is not taking responsibility for your actions not taking accountability and not seeing the lesson and every obstacle that life throws at you because life isn't supposed to be easy and life isn't supposed to be good 24/7 if it was you would stay the exact same person you've always been for the rest of your life you are supposed to have bad things they are also a gift from God or the universe whatever you believe it and yet you are putting it down to people are jealous of me yeah no people are jealous of you but why are you self-sabotaging by concerning yourself with their negative energy and literally allowing them to have an impact on your life because manifestation is very much very real and I think a lot of people are actually just manifesting the idea of evil eye into their life what you think and what you feel attracts and forms into your reality so if you think that any time that people are giving you negative energy is then going to manifest into your life guess what it is because you literally actively believe believe it and you are living your life in accordance to that and you know what evil eye could very well be real I don't have all the answers I don't know for sure but guess what neither do you none of us know whether it's real or not it is simply an idea and wouldn't you rather since we don't know if it's the truth or not live your life just a little bit more happy and a little bit more positively with an internal locus of control thinking hey anything I want to make happen I will make happen and no one else can make my life shitty because anything bad that does happen I'm just going to turn it into a good moment and moment of wisdom instead don't you want that because when you voluntarily choose to believe in something like evil eye yes voluntarily because you don't know if it's true you are also choosing to live your life in the lowest vibration of fear this links into the next piece of bad advice number 11 good days equal a good life or any sort of advice or cute romanticized quote which is talking about like Chase happiness and blah blah blah blah and you know what to an extent it is true good days are important happiness is important taking control of your day and trying to inject more joy joy into it or romanticize it I love that I embrace that however I think it encourages this idea that you are allowed to victimize yourself or feel sorry for yourself when things go the wrong way you are so busy with constantly chasing your idea of happiness and peace that you are completely ignoring the blessings that all of the bad moments are trying to give you because bad days are also building your happiness you are just not looking at it right you need all of the obstacles the challenges and even the occasional heartache to level the F up it's so you can grow your emotional maturity your emotional intelligence your ability to deal with the bad days so that you have a stronger discipline and tolerance for life so that you can deal with people better so that you can discover more about what you like and dislike every single Challenge and failure I have encountered has just pushed me onto the path that has gotten me to the place that I needed to be I needed to experience all those failures and embarrassments to then become the person who has the life I have now and without them I wouldn't even be moving without them if my life was perfect all of the time I want you to take a moment right now to think back to a time where you were really struggling and you didn't know if you were going to move past it or heal and I want you to return back to your present moment look at you you're still here you're still watching videos on how to level up you're still trying to make the best situation out of your life you're stronger and you're wiser because of that thing you once thought you wouldn't be able to survive and yet you did it anyway and guess what that pattern is just going to keep repeating for the rest of your life 12 love how you want to be loved or treat others how you want to be treated this is the most selfish form of advice ever the whole point of loving someone and showing that you care for them is doing it for them in the way that they need it your love language might be completely different to somebody else's so while you think you're being a great girlfriend or a great best friend by cooking dinner for somebody or doing them favors or putting Petrol in their car their love language is words of affirmation and you have never sat down to encourage them tell you that you're proud of them write them a cute note write your partner a love letter and while they appreciate all that you do for them you are not actually doing what lights them up inside and doing what is actually going to make them feel loved and aside from that on a daily basis I don't treat others how I wish to be treated because everybody has different values and preferences and while I might like something it might completely be misaligned to what another person needs for example I really like when people are blunt with me honest and give that honest opinion and advice and just because I seek out that behavior from other people in my relationships does not mean I should automatically give that to somebody else assuming that we have the same preference when somebody else might just need me to be quiet and listen they might just need someone to rent to so that they can vent and get their feelings off their chest without needing to hear my two sense sometimes listen first and communicate to find out what is the best way to truly show someone how much you love and care for them rather than just projecting what you crave B advice number 13 find a rich man and then marry him I think you should find a generous man assess if he aligns with you in every other aspect and whether he's going to give you the lifestyle that you want and the treatment that you deserve and then consider marrying him there are too many people on the internet right now that are using Financial abundance as a means of yes he's marriage material go after that have we learned nothing from setting high standards and growing our self- love seriously I have dated a man who was extremely wealthy okay we were in a long-term relationship he came from an extremely wealthy family I didn't really get much I probably got two bouquets of flowers in a year and a half um was never spoiled was never given the treatment that people try to sell to you online on the other hand I have dated a generous man who does not come from a wealthy background who had a typical 9 to-5 and I got fresh flowers every single week he put his all into trying to give me his entire capacity whether that was in the form of gifts his time his energy just so that he could love me properly that is the difference please let's stop chasing the idea of money especially when you can make it on your own time is money at the end of the day and the rich man that you found at the bar that finds you hella attractive and then you jump into a relationship with him without assessing anything else is rarely going to have the time and energy to invest into you because he's so focused on work don't take this find a rich man advice literally and run with it because yes money and financial stability is a very important standard that you should absolutely take pride in holding but romance time effort and genuine connection are even more important standards to consider please don't forget them 14 chill and easygoing people are more likable no chill and easy going people are more controllable especially in a dating SL romantic relationship setting oh my god oh so you're saying he's not romantic and oh he doesn't like Valentine's Day and he's not into gifts and he's not lovey divy in writing love letters and and he thinks buying flowers is a waste of money oh okay so what you're telling me is you are sacrificing everything you want in a relationship just to please a man who's not meeting your needs isn't even aware of the authentic side of you because you're pretending to be so easygoing chill and cool when there are dozens of other men out there who would offer up every single thing you want and more on a platter because they see your worth and your value and they are willing to change their actions in order to earn you and that is what Real Love Is Love isn't finding someone both saying yeah I like you and I'd like to be in a relationship with you no okay it's not a man buying you flowers because you asked him to buy you flowers it's not a man planning you a Valentine's Day date because honestly that's just the bare minimum it is a man that truly understands exactly what you want and altering his behavior to be able to meet it I'm not saying changing who he is because you shouldn't get into relationships with people that you don't actually like but he focuses on aligning his actions to the standards that you have set he's not just like here take it or leave it I don't really care because a real man who was in love with this woman would never do that if you just stopped focusing on being so cool and likable and chill and easygoing and instead you stepped into your authenticity and confidence for sure you would scare away so many people but guess what you would attract the right people finally you will continue to attract attract the wrong people because you were not even aware of your standards because you were so focused on becoming someone you think that they are going to like so yes living in your authenticity being a bit louder being a bit bitchier will get you less attention but it will lead you to the person who loves you for you because you were finally living in your truth when you met them and the final piece of bad advice that we are going to debunk for this video number 15 time will heal everything no you will literally stay stagnant for decades if you think like that trauma can stay with us throughout life okay so time isn't even a factor what matters is what action you take during that time walking away from someone and doing something else for a few years getting into another relationship trying out some new hobbies making some new friends moving to another city does not ensure and does not protect you from making sure that that person isn't going to come back to bite you that that heartbreak isn't going to just come back on you and into your memory to hurt you all over again that you're not going to see something that reminds you of them and you're going to be triggered and full of of heartache and misery all over again and that is why we have to take that time to heal rather than thinking allowing a few years to pass means you will automatically get over it you need to take time to work on yourself to undo your limiting beliefs to work on your confidence to start setting your boundaries to figure out what your attachment style is and then how to move it to a more secure one you need to read you need to self-educate you need to try dating a different caliber of people that don't align with the ones you've already been dating because you already know that that's not working for you you need to create a new version of yourself and a new lifestyle so you don't continue to normalize your trauma and live in it and guess what all of those things that you have to do in order to heal so you don't rely on something like time just for your trauma to come and take a dump on you a few years later yeah I have so many videos on how to heal on how to change your attachment style and how to be more confident on how to set boundaries on how to make friends all the above so you quite literally have no excuses use time to your advantage and make major moves in your self-growth throughout so that you can leave your past where it belongs and that brings us to the end of this video I hope you guys enjoyed it if you did comment down below and let me know what your favorite piece of advice was out of this list of 15 if you like the style of video check out a few others I've done like 15 Dating Rules that changed my life or watch this when you're motivated I have them all on my channel and all my videos organized into playlist for your ease in the meantime check out my Vlog Channel where I show you my morning routines my night routines and how I live my life on a daily basis I will see you guys same time next week on Friday for a brand new video I appreciate you bye I me