I wrote a book called The Art of Seduction the goal is to make you out there a master Seducer in life and to help you get rid of your anti- seductive Tendencies very [Music] important the following is a compilation of all those seductive interviews I've done over the years in which I've discussed the many ideas in this book so I hope you enjoy it so the first thing you have to we have to agree on here is you want the ability to influence people you want the ability to persuade them to be able to move them to some degree in your direction to get them interested in your ideas and to be honest with yourself that this is something that you want the second thing you have to be aware of is that you're usually going at it from the wrong end you're thinking first and foremost about yourself this is the number one problem that afflicts Humanity in the world today we are all becoming so much more self-absorbed and so much more narcissistic and a lot of is understandable we're spending so much time on our smartphones in our Virtual Worlds and not enough with other people and interacting with them and getting inside their spirit and their mentality people can get very boring very quickly particularly if you can't have a conversation with them about subjects that interest you and so animals is a very good example I'm not saying that you both have to be Democrats or Republicans that's too banal and superficial but the Love of Animals reaches into your character reaches something deep inside of you it signals something about it that's so Primal that's so connected to a child that there's going to be a deep connection there and it's not like you have to both love cats which is good if that happens to be the case but just animals in general you love their energy you love the fact that they're innocent in their own way you love the fact that they're not playing games with you you love the kind of instant love you can get from them kind of thing and you connect to them on that level is a very very positive sign because it goes beyond just intellectual things into something emotional and visceral so really the emotional connections the values that you have together are very important money is another one that's extremely important so if one of you is incredibly material oriented and it's all about money is power and success and comfort and the other isn't really into it is into spending money Etc a lot of people have endless fights over something like money where there's no convergence there and money signals a deeper value about the person so I'm not saying there's anything wrong if money motivates you I'm not moralizing about it because that can signal a value that maybe you grew up without it and that feeling comfortable and feeling like you don't have to worry about something is very very important to you and the not being interested in money reveal something about your character so I'm telling people you want to look at the person's character and see a kind of convergence there and something that can last people are dying to be taken out of their lives out of the banal day-to-day work and to be taken on a ride they want enchantment they want some drama in their life they want pleasure I talk about in the book it's like a child seduction is reaching the child of everybody and when you were a child you were 1 years old what was the greatest pleasure you had it was being picked up by your father your mother and kind of Whirled around and taken everywhere and lift and and twirled Etc the sense that someone was taking you somewhere and you were under their control made you laugh it gave you this incredible pleasure and that's what happens when you see a movie and it takes you on this journey where you don't know where it's going what's happening next people don't have enough of that in their lives and that's sort of what I consider the icon of Seduction is the siren itself that's where the concept came from and that's a woman who has a very powerful Sexual Energy that any man can feel it's not overt in that they're not coming on to you but they just radiate this kind of intense physical energy and there's an element almost of danger to them and that's sort of what excites the man about the siren and then the male equivalent of that is what I call the rake and the rake is a man who has an intense interest in women he's loves women to an incredible degree it like obsesses him but he can never be satisfied with one woman and because he so much is interested in women and he understands them so deeply then there's the Dandy that's the kind of androgynous Seducer who mixes male and female characteristics then there's the natural someone who's kind of got a childlike energy they're just so authentic they're not faking anything they they've got that kind of Innocence about them and it's devilishly seductive there's the coat is someone who blows hot and cold they know how to play hard to get they get your claws in you then and then they withdraw and you go crazy and you have to pursue them you're going after them then there's the star which as well can be male or female that's a person who has a kind of a distance you know a star is somebody that we project all of our fantasies onto right we imagine that they're almost Larger than Life and it's a person who knows how to be kind of blank and yet have this sort of Hollywood likee presence about them a kind of confidence and they become a screen which we project all of our fantasies on and we can think of millions of examples in pop culture you know and then there's the charismatic this isn't so much a sexual Seducer because not all the Art of Seduction is about sex a lot of it's about social seduction political seduction marketing seductions the charismatic is a man or a woman who's filled with this intense kind of confidence and the image that I use is that there's almost like a light inside of them you can't see but from within it illuminates them and it makes their eyes wide open with an energy and it gives them this kind of Animation we have to hear everything they say they're great ERS right and they radiate this kind of confidence that sucks Us in we we feel like when we're close to them we're getting some of their own confidence we feed off of it I just want to get men out of the the mo because we are so godamn analytical it's such a problem that reading a book reading a text having algorithms is the only way we can think get the out of there and pay attention to the person develop your mirror neurons develop your observational skills develop the human part of you that observes and feels what the other person is feeling if you depend so much on things that you've learned from The Art of Seduction or from a book it's going to make you a bad Seducer but to the degree that you can click into those human qualities that we all possess where you sense the emotional tone of the other person you sense what their vulnerabilities you sense what they're missing in life yes maybe 60% of women are missing a similar thing that there are patterns to and maybe reading about it can kind of click that into you okay fine I'm not going to say that that's all bad but the main thing you want is to be getting out of your head and into your emotions and into observing and into feeling what the other person is feeling and not being so head oriented not being so analytical most most important thing that you need to judge a person by as far as seduction is how vulnerable they are and I don't mean that in in a negative sense of how you can torture them make them do whatever you want I mean in the sense of are they open to other people do they have a degree of empathy are they able to kind of feel what other people feel do they have a sort of sensitivity to them or are they so insecure a lot of men would come to me with this problem what after I wrote the book which is you know I'm always thinking about what I should say what I should do in this situation I'm in a bar I'm meeting her for the first time you've got to flip the script you've got to stop thinking of yourself about your insecurities about what you must do about what you must say about your behavior about how you look and you must focus on the other person on what they want what they need what their world is like and what their spirit is like first of all there's the desire to to be a Seducer which a lot of people will say oh I don't want that I'm not interested in that and what I'd say in the book is remember the time that you've that you experienced probably in your life when another person had fallen in love with you and you sensed that you had power over them that they were under your spell that they were that the things that you said excited them and interested in them the the walls the resistance that people normally have are so frustrating you can't reach your kids you can't reach your wife the people that at work they're closed to you and in that moment when someone had fallen in love that wall came down and you have this sort of back and forth electricity it's it's amazing you love it it's it's powerful it's great you want that you want you don't want to be you don't want the sexual version of it in your office obviously but you want to be able to persuade to get people to lower some of their usual walls and resistance to you confidence is extremely important in the in the realm of Seduction you can almost not go wrong with it yes you can border on being insane and grandios but the feeling of that person is comfortable and confident and has that kind of inner Force energy that's coming up from from somewhere they don't know is very powerful and very compelling if you're the pleasing type which is your whole strategy in life is pleasing other people getting them to like you it doesn't come from a place of security it comes from a place of deep deep insecurity you don't understand really who you are and so you can't control it and so you're always trying to please people we can sense we can smell people's insecurities and when it comes to like seduction with between men and women women have a sick sense of they can smell an insecure man they can smell it in you they can smell it in all kinds of ways and try trying so hard to please and trying so hard to be nice secretly indicates that you're actually very weak inside and it's very much a turnup is very anti- seductive and so you want to be nice but you want to be strategic about it you want to know sometimes I don't want to be nice sometimes I want to create boundaries sometimes I want to pull back I want the woman to know she can't take me for granted I'm not interested in her the moment you show her that you're not interested in her she's going to be much more interested in you you're willing to play a little bit that tough part of it you're in control your iic you know when to use absence and when to use presence when to text them and call them and when to disappear for a week or so and make them feel like they they can't take you for granted if you think about your life you spend a lot of your life kind of being defensive people are always trying to get something from you advertisers are trying to get you to buy their product people are in your face they want you to do this that and the other and so you get defensive you get your walls up you don't listen you just try go home and not have to deal with any of this crap people are throwing at you and but then that becomes something else in your life where you're you're closed off to new experiences you're closed off to something a little more emotional and profound and so because so many people are so defensive in the world and you feel it when you deal with them and you know it wherever you are they want to let go of it they want to let go of this they want to be tempted into something else they want an adventure they want to go on a ride we live in a world where Seducer actually could Thrive because so many people secretly want to be taken out of their lives vulnerability is seductive but insecurity is anti- seductive and there's a big difference if I can Define seduction in in in in simple terms most of the time we are closed to the influence of other people particularly now we have these walls up because life is Harsh people are coming at us with their advertisements with their pleas they're wanting money with this that and the other and we've all learned to be very defensive and seduction is an openness is the opposite of that and you felt it when you were a child towards your parents you felt very vulnerable and open and there was an element of your parents and how they treated you that was very much like a seduction so seduction is about being open to the other person to the extent where you can even fall in love you can fall under their spell and the sense of letting go of your ego letting go of your defensiveness and letting another person enter your world is being seduced it requires vulnerability our day today lives are kind of banal they're not interesting and seduction is this realm where you things are slightly heightened it's not that you're being fake it's that you're having a slight theatrical Edge so you dress differently than you would normally dress you take someone to a place where they don't normally go to you have some surprises you create some kind of a little bit of theater in their life somebody who can't do that who's just just wants to be themsel like you know the first date well why don't you come over to my house we'll have some pizza and we'll just hang out H that's just what life is normally like you want let's go someplace special let's go someplace different surprise me take me somewhere where I've never been taken before seduction is about effort and it doesn't matter what the effort is if you show the other person that you care that deeply that you're going to do something that took some thinking some time that means you're thinking about them and we read those signs in a non-verbal way believe it or not some of those early dysfunctional relationships with your parents are charged with this kind of sexual energy and so you'll find yourself attracted to the very man or woman who's going to hurt you whereas the man or woman who is good for you there's no kind of sexual charge you are actually more attracted to the person that has these damaged qualities why is that you get to relive some of those early traumas and so the problem that will happen that the person who is good for you there actually caring that will mesh with you that physical charge maybe isn't as strong and that's a problem right because you want to have that element but you need to be aware of this you need to be aware of the fact that some of the people that you're most attracted to you're not attracted to just because of their sexy body or whatever it is there's also some kind of issues you haven't worked out from your Early Childhood that are at play in that relationship and that are going to cause you a lot of pain The Seducer is someone who has a kind of playful open attitude they're not someone who's judging they're not moralistic they're not going you're bad you're good they're kind of open non-judgmental they give a lot of themselves they they want to please the other person they want to get that other person to open up to them so the anti- Seducer is the very opposite of that for instance being generous with your time or with your money is very seductive so if you're on a date and you're kind of worried about the money or the expense that's an anti- seductive sign like oh the woman or whoever I'm not worth that money you I'm not worth going to a nice restaurant I'm not worth the expense or the effort tightness is anti- seductive openness open heart open spirit is seductive so any kind of tightness or rigidity or closeness is very very anti- seductive talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours yeah Benjamin do really is one of the greatest seducers ever me absolutely brilliant first of all consider this he was a darkskinned Jewish man in England who became prime minister imagine the prejudice against somebody like that in a country like that how did he ever do it because he was a charmer a Seducer he could seduce the birds out of the trees he seduced Queen Victoria she was madly in love with with this dark skinned Jewish man and the whole art of it was for Disraeli was to make the other person feel like they were special they were brilliant there's a a quote I have in the book I'm not going to get it exactly right but there's this woman who said after sitting next to Gladstone at dinner I thought he was the most brilliant man in England after sitting next to Disraeli at dinner I thought I was the most brilliant woman in England what is the major complaint that people have particularly women but men also who've been in a relationship for 3 four 5 10 years is that there's no more magic left there's no more enchantment you know the other person so well that there's no mystery left they take you for granted you see them every day doing the same things so seduction is something that that still goes on even in a relationship even after you've been together for several years where you you don't have to do it every day because it gets tiring but every week or or month or so you do something you re seduce the other person you show that there's still something they don't know about you you reveal that they're ad depths to you in things that they never figured out before there's still an element of mystery there's still an element of drama you're still put in the effort to take them to a place that they had never been to before these are things that we don't have a lot in the world today we don't live in a world with a lot of that kind of Enchantment things are very direct and brutal and I think people have this need what makes for a great Seducer answer is very simple you are outer directed so when you meet somebody for the first time or you're on a date you're not having that internal monologue going does she like me or does he like me am I dressed well am I saying stupid things what can I do to impress them no you turn it off and you're outer directed and you're listening to them and you're entering their spirit and you're hearing them say things that give you idea of what they're missing in life of what they want of what their needs are of what makes them an individual you're absorbing it you're entering into their spirit and then you can reflect it back to them you can give them gifts you can take them to places that show that you're attentive to them because if you look at how we are in our day-to-day life normally people never pay us attention they're always so self-absorbed they're never thinking about us the times where you get the sense that people are actually interested in who you are as an individual is pretty rare if you give that feeling to someone it's incredibly powerful because we all want to be validated we all want to be recognized