foreign [Music] foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains you know early School Virginia right outside of Charlottesville grew up there poor wrong side of the wrong side of the tracks oh you know Dad was an alcoholic and a drug user uh for the most part he was absent I was the middle son so no matter what happened I always got beat for you know being a middle child so on and so forth whether I had anything to do with it or not um and going to school you know we went to a pretty nice School actually and we were bombing by far the poorest there you know so we got picked on made fun of and stuff like that and just started fighting you know I never bullied anybody but I would always pick fights with the bullies cause I hated it I you know I know what it feels like to be put down and made fun of so I'll take the bullies I'd stuff their heads in the toilets you know that's just all I've ever known was how to fight my dad made me fight you know we saw it off two by fours just to toughness up and make us hard he said if you get into a fight you damn sure better finish it and if you lose I'm gonna beat your ass for that's pretty much I mean unfortunately that's pretty much my childhood you know all I've ever known was violence you know it it wasn't the solution to the problem it was just life now I'm doing 1214 years in state of Virginia without parole oh that's pretty much it [Music] is gonna take your handcuffs off let us control your hands [Music] [Music] [Music] all right foreign [Music] [Music] thank you I ain't trying to relax foreign [Applause] [Music] means to me is Extreme loneliness and bored that's the main thing loneliness you know don't care how tough you are I don't care how badass you are you and Bruce Lee it up all day long it gets to you and it hurts like hell I feel like I've been bird alive in the ground and just everybody's just basically walking over top of you you can hear them but they can't hear you that's the way I feel forgotten you know that is not a comfortable feeling at all [Music] when you're alone you tend to reflect on your thoughts a lot you tend to maybe regress into yourself a lot you just have nobody you truly are alone anyone who says you know I would love to be alone I don't think they've been alone when they do they'll experience a new or they'll hate it [Applause] I've been in set going on eight years and when you're in here you don't have the contact that you want every time you leave the cell you got a strip for real let's go to the bottom of your feet the other one and then you're in handcuffs you're in shackles and you know you got a gun up there in the booth while it's not necessarily pointed at you it only takes a couple seconds you get to go to the shower you know talk through the doors a little bit you get to go outside on the wreck cages you know for an hour a few days a week so when you're in here you're around hundreds of other guys inmates and the CEOs boy but you walk alone foreign [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] thank you thank you [Applause] [Applause] Red Onion was opened in August of 1998 it was open to be a security level six segregation facility super max basically a totally locked down facility for most offenders remain in the cell 23 hours a day seven days a week aborting at the time we opened silly we brought offenders in that had negative behavior the worst behaving offenders in the state and we brought them from other facilities to Red Onion to be able to house them in a more secure environment than the lower level facilities foreign [Applause] [Applause] thank you my name is Michael Kelly I'm originally from South Central Los Angeles I don't know nobody out here I don't have no family no friends out here I don't know a soul in Virginia I came out here to Virginia to drop somebody off and I commend a couple robberies and the courts in Virginia gave me 38 years for two bar robberies foreign if I would have known that I would have got 38 years for two armed robberies like I would have never done it you know what I mean because I'd have been like holy [ __ ] I'm not throwing my life away for 38 years for two armed robberies that's crazy that sounds nuts but I didn't know how serious it was out here in Virginia in California I got like eight years not have been that you know but I didn't know how serious it was and I didn't know how serious um Society took that when I was a kid I wanted to be a gangster I wanted to be like my father you know in California where I came from we don't want to look at gang banging this is being crazy it's kind of our culture it's a neighborhood thing like if you're from the neighborhood that's your family and that's that's your that's everything to you you know when we're young you got people that you look up to and say you want to be like them you know I want to be like him like look at this card you know look at the girls that like them like I want to be like him I want to look like him when I get older that's my America and I'm in prison now they put me in segregation for fighting and being in that cell 23 hours a day it's a mental challenge in itself just being in that cell for so long it's a psychological thing you know any and everything that we go through is just in that little box in that little cell trying to like create things to do try to keep from going crazy like every day all day like for me my therapeutic time is cleaning up every day when I get up in the morning I clean up when I go to bed at night I clean up you know hit the floor of the wall the sink just clean everything get it all straight [ __ ] and span right but I don't know I think that's just maybe OCD or something alone though ain't even crazy a little bit the CEOs can't really understand you know what I mean foreign they're here half the time we're here you know what I mean but at the same time they leave you know they go back into the real world and they come back this is our world tracking the development of a winter storm here along the east coast and just starting to see some snow in the North and South Dakota is a bitter cold Arctic air from the south that ends the warmer air to the southeast and then we get that storm developing so it's just initially starting to develop now temperatures are dropping okay [Applause] thank you give me all your clothes some days it can be easy going and then some days your stress level can be out the roof and it feels like you're doing time because you have to come right back and do it the next morning but you make what you make the best of it and in order to maintain control you have to be firm back wall spread your butt cheeks Squat and cough working on the super max prison it'll definitely make you tougher [Applause] thank you maintaining you know your your calm is is quite an achievement I'm dealing with some of these guys and some days it feels like the day's just not going to end you know it's one thing right after another I'm a unit manager of the building I've been with Department of Corrections now for 16 years I've started as an officer and I was promoted to the sergeant then the lieutenant then unit manager hard part for some staff is because they're on such great alert 12 hours a day and there's the potential for violence when you go home and it's time to relax sometimes it's hard to let your mind yeah relax because you're still definitely on guard so I think that adds to the stress of this profession you look at things different uh when I'm out on vacation or around in big crowds with my family you know I'm always looking around I think that's to do with this job you have to just let Red Onion be red onion you know and it takes a little it takes experience to really settle in to the point that you realize this is just a job you know we don't have to live here [Music] all right here we go my name is Lars Hansen I'm a lifer I have a life sentence and life in Virginia means life without parole you're you're in and uh people who have a release date their mentality is different than an individual like myself who where we have life it's it's life and it's it's very impact it's a foreign is depressing it's sad it's uh it can really overwhelm you so when you have to live with that year on end year on end um you know it can take a toll on you I'm 41 years old I've been incarcerated here in Virginia for almost 20 years now I started getting in trouble you know nothing major is I guess uh probably 13 years old but I come from good parents you know they loved me uh you know they didn't beat me they taught me to respect people and uh I have a brother that lives in Texas and we're just alike it's just that I I made the bad choices and he didn't and you know he's doing really well when I was 17 I shot a guy and I did five and a half years in prison in Hagerstown and I think that kind of messed me up a little bit because it's very violent out there I've told the parole board this they paroled me and so I went home the age 22. and I was home for six months but I still had the mind frame of an inmate mentality when you're incarcerated is you don't want anybody to really disrespect you or take advantage of you or uh you know stuff like that and um so um I was at a gas station with my girlfriend and there's two guys that just kept harassing my girlfriend and I and uh that just kept on kept on and kept on and kept on and I snapped and I stabbed him and I killed them and they gave me a life sentence I mean I'm up here for a time to escape all right I actually scale the fence and I could cut up real bad I got myself stuck in the fence I bled out I woke up on the chopper and then they Medevac me saved my life brought me to Red Onion and I've been hearing the segregation ever since then [Music] tricky on the inmate because if the inmate is not careful they adapt to it and they start becoming anti-social and become crazy they can lose their mind ask yourself can you live in a bathroom for 10 years it's bad to lock an individual up and just put them in a in a room and a close you know nothing to do it's it's I guess you could say inhumane and I know that we're inmates and all year but excuse my language it [ __ ] me up and I've been in segregation going on 17 years but I've been locked up for 27 years and do you mind telling me about the original charge you caught armed robberies and I shot one person in the armed robbery with malicious wounded well I didn't shoot them it was uh I shot up in the air and told them to get on the ground and the bullet ricocheted off the steel Avenue in the ceiling ricocheted off the brick wall and hit the cashier in the foot and they gave me 30 years for that a ricocheted bullet didn't have no intent to hurt nobody I shot up in the air they even testified I shot up in the air but the judge didn't see it that way he said my intent to hurt was when I pulled that trigger and and what happened that got you to into segregation cut the warden across the face and the neck in 19 December 26 of 1996 I did that that won't that won't do good that was a moment of passion that's something I've been regretting for the last 17 years almost in 1986 when I did my crimes I had paper percentage if I do 10 years then I can apply for parole and then in 1995 they come up with this new law that says I don't get no parole and changed my whole life whole outlook on life that made me snap they took my parole in 95 and I stabbed the warden in 96. they sent me up here and I've been in segregation since I come in the prison system you know fighting Slinging Ink hustling doing whatever so I'm in population and myself man tells me look man you got a guy going around telling his dudes that he's gonna rape me he said he's going to knock you out he's going to rape you is it okay if I had a knife I'd slit that boy's throat he said I'll make you one we used to have a cassette tapes back down you know the plastic case around it took it broke the stuff off took a lighter melted it folded in half did that with another one melted it together we put three brand new razors in it and melted it in there next morning we walk out and he crossed the yard I walk up behind it dude take my left hand I wrap it in a palm his face put my right knee in his lower back and I stretch him back I slid his stove from ear to ear his friend said oh my God no he Dove like Superman and rolled up jumped up and ran across the yard so when Dude turned around because it didn't really cut him deep because you cutting throats ain't easy because you got all the ligaments and tendons in there it's it's a lot tougher than people think it is you know but he bleeding like a stuffed pig so when he turns around I just start catching it beat the living hell out of him they come run up on me you know before they can tackle me and whatnot I Just Step Up step back because I didn't put the work in you know he put the handcuffs on him and he'd take when they bring me up here how long those rows are still not even make them eat them we have six offenders on Mental Health precautions their SMI sheets should be on their door listen specifically what the management instructions are from mental health we now have the Glock 40 calibers uh in position so make sure you have your weapons card um I think that's all I've got everything else should be normal have a safe and peaceful day and thank y'all tell me how good one's after this one he come out of restraints last night about 12 30 and uh waiting to get his property back to be reviewed he's already got it started guys property Bank he still will agitate what you got running today things run smooth um officer is doing well we are on locked yeah Zoom rack not as of now okay well once somebody starts in Corrections they quickly learn that they do make a difference you know it's law enforcement um every day we're protecting the public we save lives and you know that that's fulfilling to you you know you get to go home and lay your head down at night and think about what you've done today and realize that you did make a difference and that you can make a difference [Music] all right in this area you'll see a lot of coal mines for years that was the career that everybody was drawn to because it was readily available Sawmills not a lot of high-end jobs in this area then when Red Onion prison opened you know there was a lot of job opportunities and at that time there was a lot of coal mines that were shutting down people were being laid off so a lot of people that initially started at these places were people that were coming from the coal mines my father is still working in the coal mines this is his 40th year working in mines you know I was I was raised in a mining family and that's really in this area that's the the biggest and really about the only industry that working that red onion it's tough but to me it's a good job compared to the coal mine the unit managers make rounds daily to see the status very offender in the building you got to know the offenders in your housing units when was you charge charged in January okay what is a 212 charge threatening bodily who did you threaten anything overheard me talking to somebody they won't give me my property back it won't give me nothing back you know at each door each Fender has a different problem and you know they all want the answer yes before 10 o'clock in the morning right yeah but yes it's not the answer that they'll always get man I believe that we have a number of offenders that segregation is what the is what they want is where is where they want to live there are for reasons they may be afraid living in to live in general population and then you've got some in here that just refuse to participate what's going on I was trying to get back home to Texas man that was what you Ender X Out or misbehaves there's consequences to that if an inmate continues to act up or become disruptive then that's when we take disciplinary action what did you do last week the flood sprinkler head why did you break the sprinkler it's all dirty you feel better now whatever but you're feeling a little bit better now than you was last week [Music] that's the last time I got in your meal you feeling better today Lonnie all right [Applause] psychotic and erotic is that what you said yes sci-fi neurotic that's the person that uh symptom reality don't know what's uh what's real and what's not experience and fake and some of the torture technique like strapping Turtle to the bed with that useless chest rap starving well I take a lot of fun we gonna go on about our business all right you know also you gotta be in prison with no evidence they had no eyewitness and um damn closer at Red Onion an offender will start out at level zero that would be you get your wreck in the showers uh in your food and all the basic requirements of life you get the very minimum if you behave Behavior your sales in compliance you're cooperative for the staff you will go to level one and at that point you may pick up an electronic item you may pick up a few more dollars of commissary I if the offender continues to cooperate he can go to level two you know where he will pick up more privileges they may have some more commissary of course they get their TV I love the TV because I feel like that's the only contact with life that I have you know what I mean as far as the outside world you know I did 13 months straight without a television and um I cherish it I cherish my TV now I seen this show the other day on Discovery Channel this dude was building tree houses he was building tree houses up in trees but they was like little mini Mansions little tree houses he had spaceships and all kinds of [ __ ] I'm like wow I wish I'd have went to an art school for real man when I get up in the morning I got shows on TV watch the local news watch Married With Children all that old stuff early in the morning but sometimes I watch a movie and see something in the movie brings back memories that reminds me that I'm missing out on things that I used to do I get upset about it I cut the TV off or switch the channels or whatever you know that show Bear Grylls uh he does basically what I call a survival camping you know he'll go out there with just you know a knife and a clothes on his back and pretty much nothing else and he just lives off the land I love that stuff I I grew up doing it I lived in the woods when I come home from school I wasn't watching TV I was out in the woods you know I would climbing trees and throwing myself down mountains and you know jumping off a Cliffs and rock climbing I love this stuff I miss it and you know they got Frosty glass on the window so we can't see how can't see trees or anything ninety percent of the defenders in Virginia return to the public return to your communities [Music] previously offenders that have been in segregation for quite a few years would go straight to the probation office we would take the restraints off of him then he would be sent back to society and we'd expect him to adjust to being in the public and now our goal is to take the restraints off here to take the risk inside the facility so the risk is not taken in the public to get out of segregation they must participate in our step down programs they use to help us deal for anger the question I'm going to ask is how you learned to express anger all your life so how did you learn to express anger this is going to be in module three and that three do you think we learn how to express anger do you think that's something to learn I mean I learned more or less from from my environment the people I've been around I grew up in a rough neighborhood you grew up you learned to find ways to get what you wanted from people sometimes this involved violence intimidation or physical and emotional abuse many men in prison are there as a result of the lessons they have learned when growing up we're trying to prepare them to successful in a population setting offenders that have graduated through the program will go from a segregation environment into a population environment [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] that's anger management you need the Challenge Series this is it now that's the anger management hey if you got excitement inside somebody is a psychiatrist okay so while I'm not releasing you've got more programs to complete apologize [Music] yeah you gotta once you complete the ChalleNGe Program then after you complete you'll go to deanville I've been here seven years I mean segregation because they gave me nine charges to keep me back here they refusing to allow me to Progressive clearly in the seven years since I've had a fight than anybody seven years I think I've been doing pretty damn good I'll get up with you all right [Music] I understand that in any type of environment whether it's in the Free World or in prison you have to have rules and regulations we all understand that you have to have rules otherwise it'd be chaotic in here it would be crazy but when you actually have a valid problem if you have a valid issue it's not heard [Applause] and it's like you have no voice and being a person and having no voice it hurts at times you know [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] these offenders are extremely dangerous offenders they are very violent and have been very violent so when it comes down to those guys there is a lot of risk involved with but through the program these offenders have jobs rolling what we call plastic wire [Applause] [Music] s gravy was just nothing but water dude that's all it was man I like this I like the map I don't touch them is that you know the movie on Need for Speed yeah is that Jesse from Breaking Bad that's what I thought it was man yeah I recognized him what's that one with Lucy Louvin oh that's Elementary but they got this new show coming on ABC I believe in game or something dude it look really cool mind games that's it it looked kind of Christian Slater in it oh never mind that that'd be Council before the end of the season out here working we can talk to each other about things on the TV and stuff like that that's good but you're still wearing shackles we're still putting handcuffs we still got guards with vest escorting you around [Music] you know I want to get out of saying it's got to be a way out close 14. [Music] there's monotony on the same thing over and over and over and over and over again messes with your mind like when I first come to segregation I didn't really have no problems I was just angry but after I stayed and said so long being isolated that turned me worser I had to go to the psychiatrist get medication like when whenever I don't take my medication I cut on myself and cuts it all over myself you know that's what segregation did to me [Music] [Music] look I got two life centers without the possibility Pro so I'm in prison for the rest of my life but I want to go home I want to go home that's all I want I want to go home you know you ask a lot of these dudes man if they could go home what do they want oh they want cars they want houses they want all these girls and Kim Kardashian and screw all that I just want a good job I'd love to have a wife a couple of kids and a dog that's all I want out of life that's all I ever want [Music] screwed up I ain't blaming my parents or whatever I did what I did I accept responsibility for and if I got to spend the rest of my life in prison then I'm gonna suck it up and deal with it that's the only thing I can do either gotta kill myself and I'm too much of a coward to kill myself [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] if I feel myself depressed I shake it off and I start working out [Music] and I'll work out for at least at least four hours and I try to do that to where I'm so exhausted that I don't start dwelling on despair you have to internalize it and then have to internalizing so much you know mine's funny [Music] you gotta feel like you're relevant to somebody you know if you don't feel like you're relevant to nobody in that cell then it'll make you want to just lose your damn mind you know just go crazy [Music] good afternoon I remember when I started I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing or anything I was uh 20 years old and I was just walking around doing a check and looking into a cell and we had a guy he was in cell 10. um who had uh bitten a hole in his arm and he was I remember stopping and looking at it and being like you know I was in shock you know I didn't really I didn't know what I got myself into to be honest with you and my first reaction I turned like I turned sheet white I was I was freaked out and uh he just kind of looked at me you know and he said and blood was going everywhere medical had to come over there it's pretty crazy first incident but it kind of broke me in Mr Marsh you have any lunch today did lunch come did you accept lunch thank you like to talk to me Mr Marsh yeah as you know as I mentioned to you yesterday we're getting ready to send you over to Marion how do you feel about going to Marion can't say all right want to send you off and then we'll look for you to come back all healthy again okay okay there have been studies that have shown that segregation can have harmful effects on a person's Mental Health but I haven't really um probably been in a system long enough to see that or to track it you if you will it's just that occasionally we do see that a an offender who has a history of no Mental Health Services does all of a sudden start becoming symptomatic and we have no other way to explain that except for the fact that they have been housed in this environment for such a long period of time what's going on why are you back here I busted my head open how'd that happen I'm taking a shower and passed out how old are you now seven and one seventy one how long you been locked up 54 years can you tell us why you're back here it stays severe suicide thoughts severe Suicidal Thoughts and we put you back here on precautions to kind of keep an eye on you prevent you from harming yourself yeah when you're back in the building uh what are your concerns about being a house where I'm at this segregation this is like I'm forgotten about I think we need you know more Hands-On you know treatment you know what I'm saying yeah you know give me things to do you know other than being in the sale of 23 hours yeah I hear you it's a challenge for us here it's a challenge my opinion is they just don't care yeah we don't care well I can understand why you might have that impression hey for real doctor I need your support I need your support I don't want to don't throw me back into where I left [Music] wow [Music] you know I ain't had a visit in over five years my family is in Richmond and it's like 500 Miles round trip to drive and we only get one hour of visit and you can't touch each other my family was to come up here once a year but now you know my mom's 73 years old the rest of the family is dying on me I called my brother once a month and I called my mom once a month that's the only contact I got [Music] being in the field and not really being able to socialize and mingle just like in a world of your own and you just like the longer you standing you just like shut down but you could talk to guys on event and stuff like that but that's if you get a person that you know is uh you know sociable like yourself so you know I'm on a better event over here now the best sunk air in and out of the cells so you can like get up on the vent and you can scream and holler at the different inmates and the different cells that's connected to yourself you can make a chessboard out a little like piece of paper making little pieces and play chess on the vent there's something just to do just to pass time you know just um but yeah get on there and play chess like you Bobby Fischer's um you know it's way we communicate kind of privately without other people hearing us this pod only has two people on the event just for you and one other person but and other pods you know you have four people on the event being able to open up and talk it really helps me to think clearly instead of thinking in a negative way or a way that I shouldn't think you know when I wake up me and Hanson were only been together now so we know a lot about each other and he knows me like he can tell in my voice when something's wrong like he might call me and I'll get up and be like hey he'd be like are you all right today you know he'll hear my voice if I don't want to talk it's like because he knows me that much but you know and he'll know if I'm in a good mood because my tone of voice so it's our telephone system we kind of filled each other out [Music] even though you can talk to other dudes on event eventually you're getting some smart ass punk it's just a matter of time before he starts running his mouth it's just a matter of time before he starts calling you a snitch and a [ __ ] and all these other things you know cussing you out they'll get to banging on the wall while you're trying to sleep and you want to get to them because they won't let up and they'll bang seven eight months at a time and you got the lights on all day long there's no switches on the lights and you're just stuck in that cell and he drives you crazy if you just sit and just listen to all the different sales you will hear a thousand arguments all day every day just about nothing is the anger and the frustration everybody feels inside themselves [Music] you have this you have this this this this this rage that just builds and builds and builds and bills and bills [Music] and little thing which is make you go crazy for instance male is like the highlight of the day you know when you see the officer go past your door and if you ain't got no mail coming through that door you know that can I can really be a damper in your day [Music] it's like if you didn't have a piece of bread on your tray you're supposed to get two pieces of bread on your tray if I was missing a piece of bread on my tray I would explode they didn't run mail yesterday they didn't run mail because of whatever reason they didn't run mail for walk around the cell for hours you can just walk in circles and circles and circles and circles and circles for hours and just just think you can't move can't move you can't just walking around in circles I don't expect the administration to understand what we go through behind them doors there is no rules for the administration they have no rules they make up their own rules they didn't come tell me why they didn't run mail they just told me that they didn't run the mill if I have assault on my trade give me my salt I want my salt now you know what I mean like it just but it but it was that it's like two totally different realities when Monday comes around I'm looking for this mail and I don't get it but don't nobody tell me nothing don't know CEO say nothing to me don't nobody come around and say hey they're not passing the mail out because of whatever and if we don't get what we deserve or what we supposed to have and even even if we speak up and we snap out and go crazy because we're not getting what we're supposed to have in their guidelines and then we're deemed as being disruptive to the security and it's just all these different things that they stack on you we have rules stacked six feet above our head they don't follow the rules that they have in place but they want us to follow every single rule behind the team walking in circles and just laying down all day and it makes you just want to just Rebel and just be like I don't care about none of the rules now I don't care because even the rules that I follow where's my other piece of bread you know what I'm saying [ __ ] them for real oh man they're like [ __ ] them you know because in that cell you just got so much anger how we end up fighting you know like you got to come in this cell and you gotta you gotta beat me up you got to beat me up you got to come here I want to fight you now I just got so much pain built up inside of me I want to just feel it you know what I'm saying give it to me like don't play with me just give it to me all the way in that cell don't nothing matter I used to act out I used to throw feces on the guards feces on the inmates get the extraction team the officers to come in myself and fight them and get gassed up and get beat up and strapped down in five point restraints and all that I've seen a lot of people get hurt really bad over the years during sale entries uh busted knees ankles elbows arms um you know inmates actually getting their hands on an officer it's very dangerous I remember one time I got together you know a few guys and we ended up covering our windows and just having a battle with the administration and so they end up coming in myself and we started just having just a full-fledged physical combat I used to love it I mean it really did I used to love it why getting fired up um you have to get in a certain State of Mind before you go into a cell and find another human being it's combat it's combat uh kind of like the same feeling you get when you score a touchdown uh or hit a home run uh you got to get pumped up [Music] when it comes down to using Force to enforce rules regulations uh whatever it may be we will we will do what we have to do [Music] when you're dealing with higher level offenders their history a lot of times it's extreme violence so we have to treat them as such bottom line my job is to protect the public safety and protect those staff that are here protect the offenders that encompasses a big picture [Music] so we have to consider it a big picture what is best what is safe what is safe for all [Music] thank you [Music] I'm 35 now and basically from the time I was 11 years old I've been incarcerated I've only spent maybe a year and a half on the street [Music] when I was uh 10 years old my dad left my mom so me and my brother we went back and forth between uh my dad and my mom and neither one of them wanted us so they put us up you know in the Foster system so there was like a 17 year old foster kid there and he started bullying my brother so I grabbed a pool with you and just started wailing on him with it and beat him down and you know so I got kicked out of there and I went to a group home so one day this place had a banana splits I never had none even to this day I've never had one I always wanted one you know that was like the quintessential thing as a child as a banana split and uh the dude there wouldn't give it to me I got mad I'm gonna kill myself if you don't I don't think you will you ain't got it in yours I grabbed the fork and I shoved it through my wrist I was about maybe 11 at the time it took me to the hospital you know got kicked out went to another foster home started getting in trouble I stole a car got busted and uh I go to juvie you go to juvenile prison in Virginia you fight every day you know and I did several years there and that doesn't mean I've won every fight I've got my ass whooped more times than I've won but they don't call it Gladiator school for nothing so I make my way out and I was living with my Grandma at the time and I tried to join the Army but uh they told me that I had to be six months off parole and probation before I could join got a job working electricity in Charlottesville um that was fun cause I've always been good with my hands and uh my grandma needed a stove hers was falling apart so for Christmas you know I go and I get it you know put a little down payment on it but I get fired and now I can't make the payments there's no way in hell I'm gonna let them come repossess my grandma's stove I'm like man you know what screw it I can't get a job I know what I'm good at I'm breaking the house steal a couple guns I steal a brand new 97 uh Subaru Legacy station wagon and I steal a bunch of other stuff I got a gun got bullets for the gun I'm headed up Interstate 29 120 miles per hour in the station wagon I mean I'm getting it you know I'm like 19 years old and car's almost out of gas I pull into the store I feel up I don't got no money on me so I walk in I grab a Coke I walk up to the store owner I just put a gun in his face and give me your money so he pulls money out of his wallet and he gives it to me open the cash register give me the money he opens cement take the money out and give it to me said no I said man if you don't I'm going to kill you he looked me squirrel in the eyes and he said young man I don't think he will shot him in the chest he fell behind the counter I reached over shot him twice in the back I walked down the counter walked back up and I stood over top of him and I shot him six more times in the back of the head um took the money and I left [Music] comes the snow we have low pressure forming up along that same front that moved in over the weekend that's no spreading North and Easter years in through these morning hours we are expecting disruptive snow from West Virginia across the Mason next line the PA Turnpike going to be announced [Music] foreign [Music] what you gonna do when somebody attacks you I mean you'll do what you got to do it's not going to matter what program you put in front of somebody so when I found out they was bringing me back I was pissed I was mad knowing that I was coming back to long-term segregation had to start getting my mind right because once you come over here you don't know how long it's going to be before they let you go and send you back out into the prison world back in the population [Applause] okay [Music] I know I tried to speak and that's why I'm here I have known to blame but myself but at the same time I'm not a violent inmate and I have 18 years of demonstrating that so you put me back in general population I will not mess up as there was a slip a lot of stuff going on in my head at the time I regret it every day I will get it every day we'll never be forgotten you can't erase but this not the end it's still a work of progress how long and where it's going to lead to I can't answer that now but it is a work in progress right okay uh I've always told that and then it's still never I guess you know I'll progressing I guess you've had that opportunity during our population you've proven at the time that you couldn't capitalize on that opportunity you slipped you made a mistake from this point you're working to regain that opportunity you lost do your actions uh me personally I I would love to progress offer right on you know not just you know but [Applause] [Applause] foreign [Applause] [Music] that confined spot I can imagine for Real uh it would be awful being in here anyway yeah that isolation wouldn't be something I don't think I could deal with easily either um I think not being able to roam around would really really take a total on me I don't think I've actually as far as how I would act if I was behind the door foreign [Music] should I have lost my life for the ACT I did I took that man's life I took him away from his wife from his children from his grandchildren I took him away from his business who knows what happened to his family after he lost his store and lost his job there's so many consequences that could have came from my actions I took that man's life am I being punished enough in my opinion no not even close but seven eight years of segregation isn't working because all it does is make you angry it makes you more frustrated all it's doing is turning us into caged animals [Music] I call it reality TV you know I make my own reality television entertainment and I got the hound dog I like the hound dog [Music] I don't know hot on that Gail tail I don't tell oh I'm teaming too you know keep myself entertained then you know like I said I'd be having suicidal thoughts and so I tried to keep myself in good mood most of the time right you know when you look in the cell you can't see out the window that's a old torture technique caused on deterioration of the brain you know the brain needs are sensory like any organic exercise sensory deprivation that's what it's called on the door [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] every day is exactly the same exactly the same every single day is exactly the same [Music] in that cell by itself it's like you're not in prison and it's like it's somewhere else you're just away from life you're just away from Life period I don't know if hope is what's keeping me going I just think it's uh my inner strength I guess my she's not going to find the strength I'm gonna kill myself you know if you wanted to so I haven't killed almost home yet so you know I'm just trying to I'm just trying to make it I'm just [Music] foreign [Music] them for 17 and a half years that's a long time I've done more time in segregations than some guys got for murder I ain't killed nobody I've been doing what they told me to do I've been acting right I ain't been getting in no trouble and as long as I do that I don't see no reason why they can't let me out of certification of course I'm gonna die in prison but what I did doesn't matter no death sentence the judge didn't give me a death sentence why you can give me a death sentence foreign for the rest of my life is a death sentence that's the way I look at it [Music] life ain't worth it without hope having a life gift you just existing 23. I'm tired I'm frustrated and I'm a little bit weak borderline depression so to speak you know I think every human deals with it regardless of where you're at and how do you deal with it fantasizing you know just about going to different places you know I I create entire landscapes in my mind you know uh I have that ability to where I can close my eyes and I can actually paint it I can actually see it I can actually walk through it sort of like a 3D model on a computer um I pretty much do it every day I cross my hands behind my back and I'll just close my eyes you know I just will it to exist and then I'm able to step into it sometimes it's childhood places that I've been you know like the woods when I was growing up [Music] when it got too bad at home I would just take off into the woods in the woods I was comfortable I was safe I didn't have to worry about getting the hell beat out of me when you're walking through the force you know climbing up the mountains you know and you feel the sponginess of the pine needles underneath your feet you know the branches you know brushing up against your clothes the fresh air you hear the squirrels chittering at you because you're invade no territory to birds swooping around your head you know peace you know contentment you know that this right here is what God created this world to be he didn't create it for violence he didn't created for Strife he didn't create it for murder rape robbery you know lies and deceit and trickery he didn't create it for all that when you're out there and enforced by yourself you know in your 20 30 miles away from the closest person as far as you know you get a true glimpse of what Eden was you know you get a true glimpse of what life is supposed to be you know it's your own little personal Utopia you know it's a perfect environment you know it's the one place where I was happy [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] no one else [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] thank you [Music] [Music] let alone foreign foreign