Heart of a Stranger: Belonging

Overview

Interview with Rabbi Angela Buchdahl about her memoir “Heart of a Stranger,” her identity journey, motherhood, leadership at Central Synagogue, and broader questions of Jewish peoplehood, inclusion, and post–October 7 Jewish life.

Identity, Belonging, and “Heart of a Stranger”

• Rabbi Angela Buchdahl is the first Asian American rabbi and cantor and senior rabbi of Central Synagogue in New York.
• Born in Korea to an interracial, interfaith couple; moved to largely non‑Jewish Tacoma, Washington.
• Grew up feeling she did not fully “fit” any category: American, Jewish, or Korean.
• Memoir is framed around being the “stranger” and what it means to love, understand, and be the outsider.
• Looking back, her path to the rabbinate appears obvious; living it felt improbable and full of doubt.
• Recurring personal tension: deeply suited to Jewish leadership yet constantly seeking permission and battling self‑doubt.

Outsider Status and Trailblazing

• Multiple layers of “outsiderness”: Korean face, patrilineal Jew, interfaith home, Jew in Tacoma, woman in a male‑dominated rabbinate.
• First generation to grow up with female rabbis existing from her birth, yet they were still rare and controversial.
• Frequently experienced being told “you can’t” more than “you can”; opposition often activated her determination.
• Describes trailblazing like literally hacking paths through underbrush with no visible trail to follow.
• Feels she did not really have a choice about being Jewish or becoming a rabbi; experienced it as a deep inner necessity.

Spirituality and Childhood

• As a child, engaged in intense, personal spiritual practices (praying, singing to God, siblings bringing dead bird to say Kaddish).
• Initially saw this as normal until writing the memoir and having others reflect back its uniqueness.
• Argues all children are innately spiritual, feeling part of a larger oneness before learning separateness.
• Spirituality for her: awareness that we are part of one larger reality (reading “God is one” as radical oneness).
• Credits her mother with affirming, not squashing, spiritual curiosity and wonder (“Yes, God made the sky blue for you to enjoy”).

Relationship with Sister and Family

• Sister Gina was a key spiritual partner growing up, often “following” Angela in Jewish settings.
• Gina now identifies as Jewish but is disconnected from Jewish communal life, partly due to painful experiences and temperament.
• Gina’s artistic, empathic nature led her to withdraw rather than fight when hurt by Jewish environments.
• Angela feels sadness that Judaism’s communal beauty and ritual no longer resonate for her sister’s family.
• Still longs to share holidays and Jewish meaning with Gina but recognizes their divergent paths.

Mother’s Influence and Korean Women’s Association

• Mother is central hero of the memoir; modeled purpose, resilience, and community building.
• Founded Korean Women’s Association in Tacoma, starting with ~30 lonely immigrant women in a living room.
• Organization grew into one of Washington State’s largest social service agencies serving many immigrant seniors and vulnerable populations.
• Mother focused more on doing the right thing and being respected than on being liked.
• Practiced “tough love” parenting yet children never doubted her fierce love.
• Came from a generation shaped by hardship; believed in not becoming “too soft.”
• Endured dismissal due to heavy accent and imperfect English yet maintained unbroken dignity and self‑respect.
• Taught Angela to see such dismissiveness as the other person’s loss rather than internalizing shame.

Jewish Identity, Patrilineal Status, and Inclusion

• Grew up Reform in Tacoma where patrilineal descent was accepted; never questioned as a Jew in that community.
• At 16, encountered traditional halachic definition (Jewishness via the mother) in Israel; was told she was “not actually Jewish.”
• External invalidation collided with internal doubts upon meeting highly observant, deeply literate Jews whose lives seemed “fully Jewish.”
• Also internalized gender doubts in the rabbinate; questioned her ability to mother three children and lead a major synagogue with no role models.
• Observes that being the lone Jew among Christians sometimes felt easier than being the “patrilineal Korean Jew” among Jews.
• Notes human tendency to become most threatened by small differences within a group, fueling Jewish intracommunal exclusion.

Jewish Peoplehood and Race

• American Jewish experience historically dominated by Ashkenazi Jews led to a narrow “Jewish look” and quasi‑racial understanding.
• That framework makes Jews who look or sound different feel threatening to some, especially when Judaism is defined mainly culturally.
• Contrary to that, Torah describes the departing Israelites as an “erev rav” (mixed multitude).
• Classical commentators suggest this included converted people from many lands and possibly Egyptians who joined the Exodus.
• Jewish peoplehood has never been truly monolithic; historically Jews have lived across Africa, Asia, and the Middle East.
• In Israel today, over half of Jews are from non‑Ashkenazi backgrounds; diversity is normal there.
• American surprise at Jews of color reflects a local distortion, not authentic Jewish history.

Conversion as Reaffirmation and the “Ger”

• Although already accepted as Jewish in Reform circles, Angela chose to undergo conversion.
• Understood conversion (giyur) as reaffirmation or return to a preexisting Jewish soul, not a 180‑degree turn.
• Sought a ritual culmination to years of identity crisis; mikvah immersion felt deeply connective across generations.
• Notes Hebrew term “ger” means both convert and stranger; “lehityaer” literally, “to become a stranger.”
• Advocates reading this as: to become a Jew is to embrace the role of existential stranger in the world.
• This duality — Jew as insider to covenant, outsider to majority — is her central thesis.

Jewish Law, Shame, and Human Dignity

• Recounts painful episodes of observant Jews shaming her for minor halachic infractions (e.g., wrong spoon in kosher kitchen).
• Quotes Heschel’s contrast:
  • Some will break a rule to save a Jew.
  • Some will “break a Jew” to preserve a rule.
• Notes that halacha already permits breaking many rules to save a life, showing hierarchy of values.
• Emphasizes Talmudic teaching that shaming someone publicly is like shedding their blood.
• Argues we must prioritize human dignity above minor ritual stringencies and reckon more seriously with this hierarchy.

Fear, Boundaries, and Patrilineal Debates

• Historically, shifts to stricter lineage rules emerged in crisis periods (e.g., Ezra’s time, post‑exile).
• Ezra, fearing Jewish disappearance, tried to restrict Jewishness to “holy seed” and pushed mass divorces of intermarried families.
• This impulse to harden boundaries resurfaces when Jews feel endangered, including today.
• Angela and host both argue this reaction is morally problematic and strategically self‑defeating.
• Present moment (“surge” post–October 7) saw many marginalized Jews initially lean in, then withdraw when they felt unwelcome.

Inclusion, Intersectionality, and Post–October 7 “Surge”

• After October 7, many Jews sought deeper engagement: joining synagogues, enrolling in day schools, exploring conversion.
• Central Synagogue saw a doubling in its “Exploring Judaism” / conversion‑oriented program.
• Data suggests marginalized Jews (Jews of color, LGBTQ Jews, patrilineal Jews) are most likely to retreat if they do not feel included.
• Modern Jews often navigate multiple identities (ethnic, racial, sexual, cultural) alongside being Jewish.
• If Judaism is presented primarily as insular, tribal, and empathy‑limited, many will turn away.
• Angela insists that Judaism’s core must be presented as meaningful, beautiful, joyful, ethical, and outward‑facing.

Torah, Crisis, and Jewish Wisdom for Everyday Life

• Hebrew “mashber” means both crisis and birthing stool, implying crises are birthplaces of something new.
• Judaism’s texts, liturgy, and holidays were largely formed in crisis and exile; they are built for hard times.
• Yom Kippur liturgy (e.g., Martyrology, Kol Nidrei) comes from persecution and forced vows.
• Judaism offers rich wisdom for:
  • Business ethics
  • Honoring parents
  • Parenting children
  • Treating “the other”
  • Navigating suffering and joy
• Angela calls Jews to engage seriously with adult learning, not just holidays and antisemitism or Israel debates.
• Believes Jewish spiritual and ethical tools address the concrete dilemmas of contemporary life.

Central Synagogue, Leadership, and Livestream Community

• Angela joined Central as cantor in 2004 and became senior rabbi in 2014; now marking 20 years at Central, 12 as rabbi.
• Central is historically significant and visually magnificent; also one of the most publicly watched synagogues in North America.
• Early on, she pushed to reshape musical life and liturgy, taking risks and seeking a more compelling, accessible sound.
• Faced skepticism about a female voice leading High Holiday music (“Kol Nidre must be sung by a baritone”) but persisted.
• Felt intense pressure as Central’s first female senior rabbi and first Asian American rabbi:
  • Worried failure would harm chances for women following her.
  • Admits there were moments in early years she considered whether she could stay in the job.

Livestream and the “Neighborhood”

• After a 1998 fire, Central rebuilt (2001) with full wiring for unknown future tech; began livestreaming ~2008.
• Upgraded gradually to high‑definition, multi‑camera production with a full‑time AV director.
• Before the pandemic, served mainly homebound congregants; by pandemic, infrastructure was robust.
• High Holiday viewership jumped from ~100,000 to ~1,000,000 across more than 100 countries.
• Many remote viewers reported feeling Central was their Jewish home, not just a broadcast.

Virtual Membership Model

• Central created “The Neighborhood,” a virtual membership model for remote participants.
• Neighbors:
  • Make a meaningful donation
  • Belong via a shared online platform (now Mighty Networks)
  • Are supported by a rabbi dedicated to virtual engagement
• Activities include:
  • Daily content and interaction
  • Sermon deconstruction discussions
  • Prayer circles, advice, recipe sharing
  • Small groups (Hebrew learning, book clubs, voting‑rights projects)
• Community includes people in Jewish deserts, homebound individuals, and Jews excluded locally (e.g., LGBTQ in non‑affirming areas).
• Angela sees this as a new frontier of Jewish belonging, with both promise and challenges.
• Many livestream “neighbors” make pilgrimages to Central when in New York, blurring physical/virtual boundaries.

Table: Central Synagogue’s Evolving Model of Belonging

Conversion, Tokenization, and Representation

• Angela often invited to lead, teach, or appear in national projects while still feeling personally marginal.
• Recognized she had real skills (song leading, leadership) yet struggled with feeling tokenized.
• Example: contributed to a book of “Jewish luminaries,” likely included for diversity image:
  • Her photo was on cover.
  • Her name omitted from list of 30 highlighted contributors.
• When invited to offer blessings at the White House for President Obama early in her Central tenure:
  • Initially resisted, believing she was chosen merely as “young Asian female rabbi.”
  • Husband insisted that was precisely why she needed to say “yes.”
• Over time has come to accept that her difference opens doors and forges connection for others.
• Decided to stop apologizing for being “other” and to inhabit her authenticity as her true strength.

Bat Mitzvah, Representation, and Small‑Town Judaism

• Growing up as one of very few Jews in Tacoma, she internalized responsibility to represent Judaism.
• Bat mitzvah felt like:
  • Honoring Jewish ancestors
  • Presenting Judaism to non‑Jewish friends and community guests
• Recognizes that New York and Los Angeles Jews often take Jewish presence for granted, unlike small‑town Jews.
• Post–October 7, she believes all Jews everywhere are now being pushed into representative roles:
  • Speaking up publicly
  • Modeling Judaism’s best values
  • Serving as visible carriers of Jewish peoplehood

Simchat Torah, Shemini Atzeret, and October 7

• Simchat Torah now closely associated with October 7, 2023, for many Jews; holiday’s joy feels complicated.
• Textual structure of the holiday cycle:
  • At end of Deuteronomy: Moses dies, sees promised land but does not enter; narrative ends unsatisfactorily.
  • Simchat Torah immediately returns us to Genesis 1: chaos and creation from tohu va‑vohu (formless void).
• Message: life rarely offers tidy endings; Torah instead promises another chance to begin again and create.
• The cycle calls Jews to:
  • Accept incomplete resolutions
  • Embrace fresh beginnings
  • Co‑create a world closer to the one we seek.

Shemini Atzeret

• “Shemini” = eight; Shemini Atzeret is the “eighth day” appended to Sukkot.
• Marks the close of the joyful harvest festival and is itself a time of lingering with God.
• In Israel and traditionally, Sukkot is eight days; Shemini Atzeret is the coda, not an “extra American day.”
• This season (Sukkot through Simchat Torah) is called z’man simchateinu, “the time of our joy.”
• Commanded to find joy not as superficial happiness but as gratitude for community, love, and world’s beauty amid pain.

Humor, Culture, and Light Moments

• Lighthearted “lightning round” touched on:
  • Preferred title mash‑up: “ranter” (rabbi + cantor).
  • Dream pop‑up rabbinate: radically changing things at the Kotel, particularly on women’s side.
  • Favorite holidays:
    • As mom: Passover, for its deep conversations and learning about kids.
    • As cantor: High Holidays, for big music and ensemble work.
    • As rabbi: Shabbat, particularly Friday nights with community.
  • Food preferences: bulgogi over galbi; japchae over bibimbap; enthusiasm for kimchi on the Seder plate.
  • Pop culture: chooses Daniel Dae Kim over Daniel Day‑Lewis.
  • Challah: firmly in the “rip, not slice” camp, emphasizing tactile, organic enjoyment.

Being a Stranger Today: Guidance for Jews Feeling Isolated

• Many Jews now feel like strangers:
  • Politically homeless liberal Jews
  • Those abandoned by friends, colleagues, institutions, or public figures.
• Angela’s counsel:
  • Use the feeling of strangeness as a bridge, not a wall.
  • Assume that beneath the surface, others also feel like strangers in their own ways.
  • Let the “heart of a stranger” expand empathy, compassion, and connection across divides.
  • A world where people share their estrangement honestly can become a world where all can belong.

Action Items

• Explore and teach Judaism’s deeper wisdom tradition beyond holidays and identity politics; create more adult learning pathways.
• Center inclusivity as a core Jewish value in institutions:
  • Welcome patrilineal Jews, Jews of color, LGBTQ Jews and their families.
• Reexamine community practice around halachic enforcement vs. human dignity:
  • Educate about the prohibition against shaming and its priority.
• Continue building and refining hybrid and virtual models of Jewish belonging, using Central’s Neighborhood as a reference point.
• Use the current crisis moment to birth more open, ethical, spiritually rich forms of Jewish life rather than narrower boundaries.

Decisions

• Central Synagogue has institutionalized virtual belonging through a defined “Neighborhood” with dedicated rabbinic support and online infrastructure.
• Angela has personally embraced her role as a symbolic first (Asian American rabbi/cantor, first female senior rabbi at Central) and will continue leaning into that visibility.
• She frames her own conversion as reaffirmation and publicly teaches that becoming a Jew means consciously taking on the status and responsibilities of the “stranger.”