physically I think that I have some moral responsibility to say something of significance to you other than religious father and Fantasia and spiritual colloquialism to impress and tantalize your systems I think I should say something of substance to you and so it is in the spirit of the gross wealth of the rich experiences some good some bad some right some wrong some weak some strong that I come to you today to tell you that we are in trouble we are in real trouble from from from 12 13 years ago I wrote a book to women because I knew that there was a crisis going on with women and I wrote a book called Woman Thou Art Lucid nobody wanted to publish I had to publish it off my own money empty out of my bank account to write this book because I so believe that women deserve the respect to acknowledge the trauma and the pain that they've been through Woman Thou Art loose and I Got 5 000 copies and sold out in two weeks and got five thousand more copies been sold out in two weeks and that book has now sold over two million copies I don't have any trouble getting the publisher now and I think it was important to say the woman woman that are loose but I want to say something to my sisters and I want you to understand me well the enemy does want to bind you he does want to bind you but I want to tell you something sisters the enemy really isn't after you he really he really isn't after you he wants he he wants to bind you but he doesn't have to worry about killing you you remember when David came down to ziglag and the women were taken into captivity and the man had to go get the women and get them out David was really the first one to preach woman our loose when he brought those women out of captivity encouraged himself in the Lord and saw them transform that was woman out Loose they didn't kill the women they trapped them and also the Bible the Bible talks about women being trapped talks about silly women being trapped because the enemy wants to trap women but he wants to kill men so to the woman we are talking about woman that are loose but when it comes to the man we are fighting for our lives because the devil wants to kill men you know why I want you to understand what's going on sister the enemy knows that if he kills your man or your son or your father he doesn't have to kill you you'll spend the rest of your life with your heart broken over who fell apart who didn't love you who didn't raise you who didn't turn out like you thought who wasn't there for you he'll break your heart with what he does to your son and what happened to your father or what happened to your husband or your boyfriend and he'll break your back as you carry weight that you were never built to carry because you had no man to stand by your side and he'll seek to terminate and destroy the life of men because he knows he gets two for one when he gets the man he gets you to that's why in the book in the in the in the Bible it talks about in the King James version to destroy everyone that pisses against the wall it means to destroy everything that stands up when it urinates the devil is after men that's why when Moses was born there was a decree made by pharaoh to destroy every male child under two years old he didn't wait till they got old he started out early wanting to kill him unless they become Kings and Giants and enter into their Destiny men are on the hit list of hell that's why when the baby Jesus was born Joseph had to take him down into Egypt and hide him for two years because Satan had a contract out for men and he was willing to kill every male child until he got to that child because the prophecy in the Book of Genesis said that the seed of the woman would rise up and Bruce ahead of the seed of the serpent my sister he's not after you he's after your seed well what seed does the woman have the woman's seed is her son the prophecy is in the male child the Hebrew word zeerah he wants to kill your seed your son your father the masculine voice in your house until it becomes strange to your daughter to hear a man's voice in the house so she'll be so desperate for the voice of a man or the touch of a man that the only man who ever touched her was a man who was laying on top of her foreign that's why male children die of crib death more readily than women more male stillborns than female I don't just have to stay in the spirit we can go in the natural our male baby boys die more readily at early ages contract more diseases than their female counterparts hear me good I've spent a year and a half in the face of God so that you would understand something that's why insurance companies are predisposed to expect the man to die they expected so well that when a pastor builds a church they want a key man policy on him so if he terminates his life the bill will still be paid they expect him to die because he's a man and that's what men do they die they expect it so well that they're advising women to have a plan because you outlive us by 10 to 15 years we die that's what we do we die that's what we do we die we die with our backs bent over and our heads and our hearts broken stressed out wounded and hurting trying to figure out what in the world happened to the dream we had that's why when we were doing this project I've gotten sat down with the writers of the music I sat down with them myself and I pumped their head with the word to make sure that the lyrics of the song spoke to the issues at hand so that when there is a man who fights through all that we have to fight through to stay with the woman and with her child we write something that says thanks for staying because it is difficult for a man to stay in a situation that he has never seen anybody stay in before I'm not saying you're not a great woman I'm not saying you're not a great wife I'm not saying you're not a great mother but it is difficult for a man to play a role in a house that he has never seen acted out in all of his life and somewhere along the way every man in this room has wanted to quit and if he stayed whether he took out the trash or not and if he stayed whether he got his degree or not and if he stayed and whether he's everything you want him to be or not you owe it to him to tip your hat and Faith face for sin yeah because a good man is so Hunted by Satan and sickness and diseases and heart attacks and Cancers and curses and AIDS and infections and rejections and perversions that a good man is almost extinct time out for hunting men devil you have almost destroyed an entire generation we have got to fight back [Applause] I I was talking to my son I was shaving I was shaving in the mirror and uh I was trying to be discreet my youngest son I have three sons my youngest son's was then about eight years old and I talked about this in the book if you've read it already forgive me for being redundant but I was shaving you know and I didn't want him to see where I kept the razors because he is so precocious and so rambunctious and so ready to take one manhood that I was afraid that he'd come in the bathroom when I wasn't there and and and scrape his skin trying to do what he saw me do I understand that the razor will one day be a blessing to him but isn't it funny how something that will later be a blessing can be a curse if you get it too soon if you're waiting on me to preach I'm preaching right now so I was trying to hide it from him not that I didn't want him to have it but I didn't want him to have it too soon and there are some things men that God has hidden from you because he knew had he given it to you when you wanted it it would have killed you and you'd have scraped your skin trying to get it and God had to prepare you and get you ready for what he's about to give you now because had he given it to you then you would have destroyed yourself with you anyway while I was standing there and he's looking in the mirror at me shave and I'm looking at the mirror at him with shaving foam hanging off of my face I stopped shaving and I stared in the mirror looking at my son who's standing next to me and he's looking in the mirror at me and when I looked at the mirror and I saw him I saw what I was and when he looked in the mirror and saw me he saw what he would become and we were mesmerized looking at what time would do and undo between us carries my name walks with my friend has developed my terminologies my phraseologists my Concepts and my ideas he is what I was a flash ago he'll bleach his eyes and his face will wrinkle and his hair turned gray and he's just one Flash from me a blink of time and all we have is this one fleeting moment together and my heart grieved for all the sons around the world who look into mirrors and see no fathers looking back at them for you must understand that a father is a guide to a boy he announces to avoid what he will become he explains to him how to chart your course through the chaos of masculinity to arrive at the destination that you have in view and without a father there no matter how great and wonderful the mother is it is a liability to a son not to have a father because there are some things that Mama cannot teach you and I grieve for all the sons who never had a father to help them through the Maze of masculinity and may I pause just a moment and explain to women something that you probably never hear men say because some men are not articulate enough to say it some are not thoughtful enough to speak it and most are too private to admit it but it is real hard to be a man now you have a whole lot of materials and information that I'm the greatest the challenges you go through and I'm not minimizing what you go through at all because you go through a whole lot but just let me tell you just so that you will know offense you have never spent not one day as a man let me inform you quite clearly and emphatically that it is hard hard to be a man that's why most give up on it most quit most faint from it most fall because of it and almost all of us die trying to do it oh yes the devil is out to destroy men if you look around this room you will find many Sage to age gray women go to your family reunions and you will see Grandmama and Big Mama and Aunt give it and they're all standing around in the kitchen talking about good is that chicken done yet I don't know mama let me turn it over in a minute get that bread Out the Oven before it burn foreign but have you ever asked yourself where are Grand Papa and big papa and Uncle Willie where what happened to cousin James what is wrong with our generation that there are few old men left that means we have few compasses to chart the course and to lead us through the Maze of trying to get to our destination on time we have many men who model to us how to get started but few that live long enough to show us how to finish show us how to make it through the different ages and stages of life because the challenges of a 20 year old is far different from the challenges of a 50 year old is far different from the challenges of a 70 year old and you need somebody who's been there to coach you through the process and look you in the mirror and say keep coming boy don't give up now I know you lost your job but keep on coming keep on you can do this don't give up come on boy come on come on I know your feelings is hurt come on come on come on come on dog you're not going to be able to do what you used to do 20 years ago you're not supposed to you're gonna have to readjust and develop a New Normal come on come on come on if you come on you're gonna get through this don't give up don't follow her don't follow her she's not the answer she's a trick keep coming this way we don't not on him y'all don't hear me but I'm gonna talk to you tonight see you and big mama can sit around while y'all picking collard greens and you can talk to her and she can tell you something and there's an old woman standing on every corner full of advice ready to tell you girl this is what you ought to do but we have few followers few voices few compasses few teachers few leaders few guides to speak to us in the process and that is why we get lost in the Journey of becoming what we were created to be we get lost in the process some as early as 15 and 16 years old get lost in the Maze of masculinity some make it to 30 and collapse up under a bush of Despair some are getting to the middle of their lives changing their sexual orientation giving up on women all together going after myth and you can't figure out why it is there's nobody coaching us saying not that way go this way come on go this way go this way and I thought to myself that maybe the church should stop dancing for just a minute and stop speaking in tongues just for five minutes so that we could talk about some real issues I wonder if it would be okay if we would stop hooping long enough to have an intelligent conversation about death climbing up into our windows Jeremiah said sin for the women a morning and let them take up a willy because death has climbed up into our windows I wonder when we will stop dancing long enough and start wailing because our sons are dying our marriages are crumbling and 68 of African-American kids are born into this world with no father staring them in the face at 85 percent of men who are incarcerated report that they never knew their father or never had his touch or sensed his love and so desperate for the touch of a man men are doing freaking things in anything now trying to find their father in anything that smells like a man foreign for a real ride tonight have another chicken when you get some potato salad it's gonna be quite a meal this evening [Applause] yeah in a real crisis when I started writing emotions I it is somewhat theological but it's it's by the most by and large just very practical stuff I use David as a canvas on which I paint the chaos the crisis and the Conquering power the masculinity I do it because he is such a broad canvas on which so many things can be painted that are relative to the issues that men confront today because we get to see David from childhood from the Cradle to the Grave the Bible is explicit about his strengths his anointings but it is also candid about his weaknesses and his failures because I cannot be mentored by anybody that has no sin in their life foreign because my problem is how can I be mentored by something that I cannot relate to it is not just your victories that help me understand who you are it is your frailties and your failures that convince me that if God could use you with all of your mistakes then maybe it might be possible that God would use so you look for your superheroes with their blue boots and their capes and their s's on their shirts and lift them up and make them dim my guards all you want to but I want to announce to you that Superman was really Clark Kent it was not that Clark Kent was really Superman the real strength of any man is knowing his own limitations and you will never be powerful until you know what your Kryptonite is and I I am convinced that every man in this room has his Kryptonite that thing that that be sin that does so easily beset you and if you are past your fifth birthday you already know what it is and I need to see you struggle with it to convince me that I can overcome mine I don't need you to tell me that you have no problems never had an issue never made a mistake because then I cannot relate to you and you cannot help me you don't inspire me you intimidate me and besides you self-righteous bigot I don't believe you [Applause] you tried to make me spiritual but all you really did was make me suspicious because I know you're hiding something I use David because when you start talking about men you cannot talk about men and not talk about fathers and David has a tremendous struggle with his father Jesse that is evidenced in his life Jesse's son the one that God would promote to be king with the very one that Jesse did not like and The Strife between the father and the son has all the world to do with what made David pant at the water Brook after God it is what I call Father hunger the craving that a man has for the affirmation of his dad one smile from Dad is worth more than 20 kisses from Mama foreign now you gotta s painted on your shirt because it ain't over till daddy says it's over come on somebody I'm not saying that Mama should stop loving us we have survived on the breast milk of your love your nurturing and your affection I'm just saying that breast milk is not enough to raise a man it's great for a child but he'll never be a man as long as he stays stuck to your breasts drinking your milk so you have met you have nurtured baby Huey's they got bigger but they didn't get better because they never got off of your breasts to find their dads to find out who they could become or what they could be can I go deeper with this now now David is is my canvas on which I paint because in order to talk about men I must talk about the fact that they need their fathers and what happens when they don't have their fathers and David is the campus on which I paint because David is the first kid that I see that God Called To Be a King while he was still a kid and said I have found a man after my own heart and that was one of the reasons Samuel had trouble finding David because family was looking for a man but God was talking about a boy why did God call the boy a man it's because God knew that he had the power to make the boy become what he called him are you hearing what I'm saying and so I want to share with you that there is a king in every kid and there is a kid in every King and you'll never be the king that you were created to be until somebody looks at the kid in you and sees the king in you and pulls out of you who you were destined to be so Samuel open up his horn of oil and poured it lavishly on the head of David until all of David's clothes stinking though they were were saturated with the anointing of possibilities and potentials and most men die with needles in their arms sick diseased and in trouble because nobody ever looked them in the eye and told them I see the king in you because when somebody sees the king in you it makes you control the kid in you but in the absence of a kingly prophecy you are left to be a kid kids playing in the toy chest of your childhood oh and at the toys we play with toys where my boy is at so every boy in here knows his toys my brother said the only difference between a man and a boy is how much he pays for his toys but some of the toys we play with have no price at all if you count money that's only price you pay there are some things that you play with that costs more than money it's your toys that's killing you The Temptations of your youth toys so at the risk of ruining your reputation my brother I would ask you while you were sitting here listening at me talk if you would be man enough to open up your toy chest and let's look in the box at what you like to play with when nobody's looking foreign because somewhere in your toy chest sir is your Kryptonite and until you define your Kryptonite you will always be vulnerable to destruction hmm I think much of who I am today are the result of the fact that my mother had a proclivity of looking me in the eye and making me think when I was just a child that my thoughts were important as she cooked her dinner and I sat by the table Rambling On and On mountains of Meandering words and heaps of foolishness she dignified my thoughts with her attention and made me think that I was wise when I was just silly of the fool but the brightness in her eyes convinced me that there was something in my Head worth preserving so I tried many drugs and got stuck by none of them and kept on walking through the drug phase of my life when all of my friends died with needles in their arms I resisted the needle because of The Gleam in my mother's eyes who somehow was able to see the king in me while I was still just a kid all right let me move to are y'all okay [Applause] Bishop if it's okay let me go just a little bit deeper I am concerned because most of our women originally when I was getting ready to do this I wasn't going to have any women come at all just nothing but men but when I started teaching it in my church I was amazed at the reaction of women when I taught this class the women were sitting on the edge of their seat and suddenly I began to realize that most women have never heard a man talk they've heard a man moan yeah they've heard a man cuss and yes they've heard a man preach but they've not heard a man talk because most of the time that a woman says to a man what are you thinking about he says so for the few women who grew up in homes where there were fathers they might have been present but generally they were very silent and so they're the mysticism around masculinity that is so pervasive and so overwhelming that the woman is so hungry to hear and understand what's going on with the man that she would give her body up and everything in it just for the cost of admission to provoke a conversation and he thinks it's his great love making that has her laying in the bed but she's just hoping that when he gets through with all of his theatrics that he might stay awake long enough to say something that answers some questions foolishly foolishly he thinks that the greatest tool he has is between his legs when it is really between his ears ready I better stop I better not go no deeper in there I I could really go there believe me I could really I could really dig it on out for you but give the book get the book because there is so much that we need to say and suddenly I begin to recognize that women need to hear what we have to say you see most of the things that women have learned about men they have learned from other women girl let me tell you how men really are you can't trust him child you know a man gonna be a man gonna be a man gonna be a man while she's curling your hair she takes you there and she tells you about a man and she is not a man and has lost her man but she is your private counselor about what a man is and and what of your mothers who Define masculinity on the basis of the man she had and left and in the breast milk of her wisdom there is pollution from the pain of her rejection that contaminates your perception of who a man is and so you treat the man you have as if he were the man that left and he leaves you say it because you don't understand that he is far different from the man who left you five years ago and so I thought it was responsible of me that I would invite the women into this conversation as I stood at the checkout counter in the grocery store and I saw walls of women's magazine women's today and Essence magazine and America's woman and all kinds of great magazines they are absolutely wonderful magazines and they give you all kinds of information five ways to keep your sex life alive 10 ways to make your husband come back home three things that a man really wants from his woman but if you will check most of the articles are written by women and then I understood after 28 years of counseling couples how many times I wanted to get up behind the back of the man that the woman was trying to win because the marriage was falling apart and I wanted to say don't say that she thought she was winning him but she was pushing him further away because she doesn't understand how a man thinks and she doesn't know how to talk to a man and in her effort to win him she is losing him and she can't figure out why he is fading away and so I thought it was incumbent upon me that when I wrote the book and when I did the conferences to include sections for women to read too as I attempt to translate the language of manhood you see we we speak a different language and we approach things differently let me share some things with you and I think you can see what I'm saying when women talk they talk in circles it reminds me of a plane about the land on a Runway when a when a plane it is when a plane is about to land on a Runway it doesn't come straight at it it circles around and around and then it makes this approach and then it makes this ascent and it hits the runway listen at me fellas most men don't understand this about the woman that when the woman starts complaining about cutting the grass she's really worried about something that happened at work but she hadn't hit the runway yet she starts talking about the grass you run out there to cut the grass thinking that will satisfy her you come back and she's still mad because it wasn't about the grass she was circling the runway she never hit the ground women talk in circles men talk in straight lines I come in and I ask my wife what's for dinner that's what I really want to know she's foreign [Applause] she says to me well I was getting off work and I recognized we didn't have nothing at the house to cook so I knew I had to stop by the by the store to get something I was going to go to Big Bear because they had a sale on but the traffic was backed up all the way up 75 I had to go down 35 and up you I came up Euclid and got the Krogers now you know I had to I hated to pay full price for chicken when I knew that right over at Big Bear they had it on sale but I went ahead and got it anyway and while I was in the store I saw some ice cream some chicken I ran into Fred's wife can you believe it and girl is pregnant again anyway I got back home can't you just say chicken foreign [Applause] talking circles men talking straight lines specific issues that get right to the point if you're a woman Pastor in here this is critical information because when you get ready to motivate the men in your church if you approach them in a circular motion you will lose them every time you've got to be straight directing to the point hit the issue specifically put the points up front put your feelings out of it men don't understand you when you talk in feelings you have to talk in facts we're moved by facts more than feelings we talk in straight lines you talk in circles don't tell me that you have a feeling about it give me the facts about it and I'll line up with you twice as fast now and I understand I know you know me from woman are loose but just for the record out of the 30 000 memories in my church 46 are men and there is a way to talk to a man that will get immediate response and for more details get the book [Applause] that was a Shameless plug wasn't it men talking straight lines women talk in circles women and the reason that they're talking circles that's not a criticism it's an observation it's an explanation for men because the Bible says that if a man is going to stay with the woman he has to dwell with her according to knowledge and the reason that we don't stay is because we don't understand he will only dwell with you if he can understand you that's why he wants to know what's wrong with you it endanges his ability to dwell because he walks away confused and when he becomes confused he becomes frightened when he becomes frightened he becomes withdrawn and suddenly he's physically there but he's emotionally unavailable because he can't figure out what's wrong with you all of that am I right about it can I go a little bit deeper every night [Applause] when the woman the woman processes externally so whatever the woman's worried about that's why she wants to talk about it fellas you have to understand that women process by communicating by talking when something's really bothering her she wants to talk about it so she's ironing and stuff and she's talking about these kids are driving me crazy I can't believe I got to go down to that school again and I just got out to John after them to read and she's talking about it it's not that she wants you to fix it she doesn't want you to resolve it she doesn't want you to straighten it out she's thinking about it and when a woman thinks she talks out loud I know I know I feel you am I right where my sisters at now sisters let me explain something to you while you're talking about what's going on with the kids and how it's wearing units driving you crazy and it's getting on your nerves and you look over at him and he's playing with the remote control and you look at him and say that's what's wrong with you you don't care about nothing going on in this house it's our kids going to hell and you sit up there watching the football game foreign let me help you with this man process internally the more something listen says this is real important the more something bothers us the less we say about it when a man is really worried and really upset and really frustrated this is what he says absolutely nothing because what you do externally we do internally we go in our cave to process the issue and because you think that you think that we don't care because we don't verbalize you say we are not emotional I say we are emotional all right he cares about it just as much as you do he just doesn't communicate it like you do so the problem that you talk to him about on Monday and he didn't say nothing about it but kept playing with the remote control and looking at the movies and flipping from channel to channel here he comes to you on Thursday and say I've been thinking about what you said you're talking about [Applause] here's the problem we go inside to process you go outside to process here's the problem though sometimes men go in and we can't get back out and we get trapped on the inside because we can't find a solution and when a man can't find a solution he he becomes in prison in prison I want to tell you what's dangerous the most dangerous thing that can happen to a man is for him to be imprisoned solitary confinement the very first thing that God teaches us about men he says it is not good for a man to be alone look at Saddam Hussein one of the most corrupt rulers of Our Generation perhaps an Adolf Hitler of our time this man who ruthlessly destroyed and killed masses of people while he ate chicken salad and thought absolutely nothing about it it's brought down to his knees not by beating stabbings or cuttings they put him in solitary confinement and he is about to lose his mind because it is not good for man to be alone you can take a serial killer a murder of rapist a man who kills without any thought about it somebody who can fight kick you in your head and kill your unborn children but if you put him in solitary confinement he starts whimpering like a baby and crying in the night because it is not good for man to be alone and the truth of the matter is there are men all around this room who went in their cave to process something years ago someone them went in the cave in their Boyhood trying to figure out where their father didn't stay some of them went in the cave over their first wife who left them some of them went in the cave over the job that fired them and they've been stuck in solitary confinement for years and the only reason he's on drugs in sin searching the internet in the middle of the night playing with little girls or little boys is because it's not good for man to be alone and if that boy at 15 or 50 gets locked into solitary confinement he will become emotionally detached and unglued because he cannot get out and when a man can't get out all he does is bring his toys into his cave to keep him comfort in his pain and it's not the toys that have him addicted it is the gross loneliness of having no one who understands the dream that died on your way to masculinity so my sisters and my brothers I came to blow the whistle and sound the alarm and tell you that there are men in this room and at your dinner table going to your school they are your sons your husbands your boyfriends and your lovers and they are secretly dying in their cave they are in solitary confinement they are alone and they do not tell you because they cannot speak he is in solitary confinement and a man can be alone and in confinement and have sex and make love and make babies and make house payments and car payments and give you money to get your hair dead and your nails did and everything else did and still be in a cave of confinement sex is no sign that he's happy I was amazed by this woman who told me she said pastor I cannot believe it he gave me roses for our anniversary and two weeks later he asked me for a divorce how could he be happy and two weeks later he wanted a divorce and I thought what about them roses made you think he was happy he wasn't happy he was responsible he knew it was the date he's a performer he gives you what you expect but that is no sign that he is satisfied [Applause] you see we do what we think you want us to do but that doesn't mean and we are happy alone come in in this room who are grossly alone why did you write hemosis why did you spend a year and a half developing a book and music and now as busy as you are why are you about to pass out running from City to City Ministry because God said that if I would do it he would break the curses and the bondages that are destroying our homes in our lives and I have come to declare whoa all right thank you touch that person who may be bored sleep or aloof and tell them something's about to happen in here tonight it is not good for man to be alone we don't do alone well we don't do alone well some men are so afraid of being alone while the relationship is falling apart he reaches out and gets a woman on hold so he's got a home standby like a spare tire he gives her just enough love to keep her hanging on it's not that he wants her he said he doesn't want to be alone why didn't why would a preacher stop preaching for a minute and go this deep into personal relationships I'm glad you asked I'll tell you why eighty percent of the suicides that occur in this country are committed by men 80 percent not 50 not 60 not 45 80 percent of the people who drive cars off cliffs or stick guns in their mouth and blow their brains out our men men let me go deeper men are three times more likely took three times more likely to commit suicide in the middle of their lives their forties and fifties than any other time to get to the middle of their lives and suddenly decide I'm not going to get out of this maze I'm not going to get out when I was teaching this in my church one young man stood up and he said he said pastor I hear you I understand you I'm glad you're teaching on this he said but I just want to know one thing I said what son he said will I ever be happy he said I think I could hold on if I knew that someday yes I would be happy and he said I just want to know will I ever be happy he said I'm not talking about pleasing other people and bringing my truck over to help Grandmama move and fixing somebody's flat tire and being there for every crisis and everybody's life and being everybody's Superman he said I'm not talking about performing and putting on errors and making points on the team of life he said I just want to know will I ever be happy me not make other folks happy will I ever be happy when will it be about me foreign Mother's Day is a big day all over this country it starts about March their marketing for Mother's Day all the kids are running all over the house getting ready for Mother's Day it's a big event all the stores have got all kinds of music all kinds of fun everything ready for Mother's Day they get all kinds of gifts all kinds of flowers all kind of cars Father's Day passes by so quick if you blink you won't even know it happened you will get some little raggedy tie that they bought on your credit card some color that you don't need that looks like the pie you got before and that's how they celebrate us when we stay but they curse us when we leave all right are you hearing what I'm saying and so they die and they die and when we die we die with our lips closed because we are taught not to say anything at little ages they tell us come on Junior Big Boys Don't Cry suck it up boy suck it up suck it up so we suck it so far up we asphyxiated and uh and the light can go out in his eye ten years before his body leaves your house and you think he got divorced today the decree was Final he's been divorced for 10 years and you never knew it you lost your son I know there are many of you don't you're not interested in this because you don't have a man you don't want a man you sick of man you got to give you a good job you don't need a man I hear you I feel you I'm here to represent you but what about your son what about your sons who become detached in 15 and 14 and 13 and what are these 13 year old boys who are reprimanded to to maximum security prisons and they get life sentences and stand there and don't even shed a tear what has happened to our little boys that they go down to see other little boys and cats get shot to death and say gold is me and walk away from the casket unmoved untouched they are detached we have lost them and nobody even noticed when it happened because we are so busy going to work and making money and getting our hair done and having sex and making babies that we have lost speaking of losing men I'm going to tell you I'm going to tell you something powerful you're losing the men in the turns my brother my brother rides the motorcycle he's in the middle of his life and see when man get in the middle actually do crazy stuff he saved his head and got an earring and he's getting wrapped around his head about his motorcycle got on a motorcycle he's he's a little bit older than me I'm 47 my brother's about what is he 56. he's 56. he jumped on a motorcycle and he put his wife on the back of the motorcycle I say this he looks almost exactly like me and I say this everywhere I go because I want you to understand his wife is a white woman she's got blonde hair so when you hear the bishop Jakes was on a motorcycle with the white woman on the back it wasn't me it was my brother [Applause] thank you so don't start no rumors about me about no shooting I married a sister okay anyway ain't nothing wrong with it teaches on I ain't no problem it's all good but I'm just making points and his wife is her name is Sharon we call her Ellie maker She's Country both of us come out the hills and she's wild as well being hip-hop she gets on the back of the back of the uh Harley with him and there's him and he's going down the road let's stop and they just flying down the road going through midlife crisis that's what my brother said to me my brother said to me he said let me tell you something Thomas he said I'm on a motorcycle with Sharon and we're driving down the road he said we're doing good in the straightaway we flying man he said the wind is blowing he said you need to be on a motorcycle it's a wonderful thing the wind is blowing you feel young again and she's right behind you and she's screaming in the holler and we're going through traffic and we're having a great time he said but when we get to the turns he says Sharon almost killed me in the turn I said what are you talking about he said see he said when you get in the turn and you're riding on the back of the motorcycle when you get in the turn you got to move when I move foreign I said oh wait a minute I got to start writing again because you just gave me a point I gave me an illustration to explain to women where we are losing our sons and how we are losing our husbands and how you are losing men you're not losing Us in this straight away you're not losing Us in the straightaway as long as everything is straight as normal and predictable we do real good it's in the turns when you go this way and I go that way you're losing Us in the terms see you when it's my turn you have to move the way I move you have to deal with it the way I deal with it if I don't come and glued you can't come uncluded if I'm quiet you got to be quiet when I get ready to talk you got to be ready to talk because this is my turn and you're losing Us in the turns I'm going to identify some turns for you can I do that if he's a man who loves to work and is responsible and take care of himself and all of a sudden he loses his job for him it's a crisis he's in the middle of a turn he becomes sober solid quiet reserved angry confused intimidated and he's in a turn you got to be careful what you say to him right now you got to be careful how you react to him right now he's sensitive he's vulnerable he's in the middle of a turn if he gets to the middle of his life and he's got crisis with the kids and his parents have died now he's in the turn death is a turn that's unbelievable if he develops a sickness in his life something goes wrong in his body he's in the middle of a turn and if you're gonna make it in the marriage to 50 years and 60 years you got to be careful it ain't the straightaways where you're losing us it's in the turns when he gets in a turn you can't let your mouth take over the situation you gotta flow the way he flows because he's in a turn and you will lose your son or your husband or your boyfriend or your father you'll lose him in the turns and you'll never even know that he fell off and you're riding the bike alone I was teaching in our church and a young lady got up and she she had her young son with him I guess she might have been 10 or 12 or so and she brought him down to the altar where I was speaking and she comes down to the altar like this and she bragging the kid the kid don't even want to come and she's bringing him down here she's upset with it she's confused she's a single mother and she said her wits in and she does what most Church women do when they have a natural problem they fight it by becoming more and more spiritual because she thinks getting more spiritual will make the natural situation get better so when natural situations get bad for church women they go deeper in God they just go out of them and for men that does nothing [Applause] it does nothing that's why Paul said I would rather speak five words in a language that you can stand than a thousand words in one that you cannot she brings the boy down to the Altar and she says to me when I get her to calm down she says to me he got a demon and I want you to cast The Devil out of it like he lost his mind and I said I asked one important question I said where is his father the boy dropped his head but she went off now that's a real demon you're talking about a demon right there that's a real demon that's a demon that's what's wrong with the boy it's a generational curse I told him you're acting just like your daddy she doesn't know that when you curse a boy's daddy you damn his masculinity you confuse his self-esteem and you make him angry when he overhears you talking on the phone to your girlfriend about how bad his daddy is you losing in the turn [Applause] and I say it's a real demon and to myself I thought I'm not justifying the fact that he left but personally I could see why brother would want to hat up on sister because sister didn't look like she was like no Six Flags ride she looked like you know Friday the 13th the way to one of them acting up in there but uh but I didn't say that because that wouldn't have been professional instead I pondered in my mind and thought how can she not understand that this boy isn't a turn 10 or 11 years old he's in a turn but because she's never been a boy she doesn't understand that he's in the turn and she doesn't understand that he's an attorney so she reacts emotionally and he's just as confused as she is but they can't talk about it because she doesn't understand what it's like to be a boy she doesn't understand the testosterone has kicked into his system and sisters it is like crack cocaine one day you are playing with your train set and the next day [Applause] foreign [Applause] I was in the club Scouts I was learning how to build good club Scout at tie notches [Applause] all of a sudden Mama wasn't the prettiest woman I'd ever seen in my life but she doesn't understand that and she's losing him in the turn he's confused he's upset he's angry because let me quickly show you something I want to show you something I think this is important see women have been trained for relationships all of your lives you grew up getting ready for you remember when you got the Barbie and you got the kin and Barbie and Ken had the little wedding outfits and you were playing house with Barbie and Ken you have been practicing since you were five years old for the big day that's why you get so disappointed when the big day doesn't come because you've been getting ready for it all in your life you have been trained you have a degree in relationships we do not train our boys in relational skills let me go deeper you send me up there you Susan Homemaker and you're cooking and you're setting up all the tea sets and you've got all the plates in the dishes and you're sitting down there and you're gonna be coming we're going to eat our salad you have been planning for household duties and relationships and somebody to be with you all of your life we didn't do that then you got in your teenage years and you would shut up in your room with your Harlequin novel [Applause] she couldn't believe when she opened the door there he stood [Applause] she never thought that he even knew her address or where she lived her pulse began to Quicken her heart began to thump as if it would leap out of her chest she opened her mouth to speak but there were no words [Applause] and in his hand he had one single long stem groovy red rose as she reached out with trembling hands to touch the rose she felt the warmth of his masculine skin and smelt the aroma coming from his masculine frame and when he opened his mouth to speak she knew he was the one I write it baby my computer light you up [Applause] by the time you were 18 years old you know what kind of wedding gown you're going to have you know whether you're going to wear a hat or whether you're going to wear a veil you have pink you ain't even got no boyfriend you picked out the church that the wedding is gonna be in you know where your reception is gonna be men don't do stuff like that he just gets married there he is standing there and I'm saying do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife to heaven to hold for better for worse for richer for poor and sickness of Hell To Death to Your Part I said do you do you want me to say he don't know what he did he just standing there he hasn't had no practice for that he doesn't understand that at all takes him 10 years to figure out what he did [Applause] but I'll tell you what we do I'll tell you what we do I tell you why you were learning relationships we were learning to play games and the thing that men do very very well is play games now I'm going to tell you why I listen to this listen to this this is worth the book alone listen men play games because games have rules they have rules they have the potential of winning and you score points and anything that has rules and scoring and winning men do well football basketball baseball hockey any kind of game where you can score that's why when he started dating he called it scoring because he thought relationships were a game because men play games well that's why men go to work and make money let me tell you what money is for most men it's just how we keep score and he'll work all week and fight and negotiate to get raises and get deals and to sell product and to get business deals and to sell real estate and then come home and hand you the check because he doesn't want the money he just wants to score the points it's how we play the game and we do play the game very well but the only problem is is when somebody changes the rules of the game and the man can't score points he gets frustrated and starts losing and when a man starts losing he starts dying because he can't figure out what went wrong because he can't score points and he's not winning and she doesn't understand that's what happened to her son quickly I'll explain it as long as he was in the house it was simple rules eat your cereal say your prayers kiss Mama good night and go to bed here's the reward you're a good boy so he did real good until he got eight nine or so then he went out there on the basketball court with all of those Miss Mana rules that mama taught him and he said when you Brothers get through playing with the ball I'm wondering if it would be possible if I would have a turn to be able to play and they said you they slapped his glasses off his face he comes home crying to Mama He's not crying over the smack he's crying over the confusion because somebody changed the rules of the game and he can't figure out how to score points and his self-esteem begins to come down and suddenly he's left with the choice do I play the rules of Mama's game and score points at home or do I play the rules of their game and score points with them and in most cases he doesn't have any male figure to direct him through the traffic of masculinity and he chooses at least he's hanging with the boys and ends up with the fellas and he calls the gang his family and he becomes more loyal to them than he is to you because he's trying to figure out how to score points and win the game again and the mama doesn't understand that the reason that the boy of angry and frustrated is that he's Torn Between Two Lovers and he can't figure out how to win the game and anytime a man can't figure out how to win the game he becomes bitter and angry and confused you see men measure everything and it's all about the points whether you're in the locker room or the boardroom or the bedroom you know what pastors want to know whenever they meet you especially men pastors I hope women don't duplicate this I don't care what you start out talking about sooner or later he wants to know how many you running doc you know what he wants to know how many members you have in your church you know why he wants to know it's because we're measuring each other like boys in a locker room and when a man doesn't measure up he begins to faint inside is this too heavy and the woman doesn't understand that the boy is in a turn and he's in a turn and he doesn't measure up and he can't score points and he's confused and what he does at 8 9 10 or 11 he will do again about 20 or 30 years later when the testosterone starts to go down and all of a sudden he is not as viral as he used to be but he won't talk to you about it he'll notice it but he won't say anything about it he'll be worried about it but he won't talk to anybody about it it will be his first announcement that he is not Immortal and that he's getting older and then his back will go out and all of a sudden he'll try to figure out what's wrong with his back and the doctor will tell him that he's aging and all of a sudden he has hypertension or he has diabetes and he begins to panic because everything that he celebrated about himself is starting to fall apart and he panics about it and tells no one about it and lies to his friends as if he was the man he used to be and camouflages to you as much as he can rolls over talking about he's tired he's stressed out he's working too hard but in reality he's going through a change that he doesn't understand because he has no father who went through it in front of him and he is upset and he is alone and it is not good for a man to be the Lord I guarantee you tonight as I hasten to a close that there are men in this room who are in a turn through their career in their life they climb to the top of the mountain became successful only to find out there's nothing up there there are men who are going through changes in their life developing sickness and bearing loved ones and they are afraid and stressed out and worried and they are talking to absolutely no one and they're sitting here tonight and they're looking at me and they're looking through the windows of the mask of who they pretend to be as they are shocked that I would deal with the issue and that somebody would talk about where they are but they are in this room tonight they are here and I'm going to tell you about all you Knight Rider sneakers and hiders and down low livers and whoremongers and hypocrites and got girlfriends on the side and during the day you're Deacon Wilson and in the middle of the night you're on the internet you're wet willy on the internet playing games trying to recapture Your Love relationship you ain't sexy you ain't Sensual You Ain't lustful you ain't out of control let me tell you what you are you are scared you are scared you're gonna die in your cave alone you're scared that you don't have it anymore you are scared that you're not gonna be able to work things out or be who you want to be and you do what every boy does when he's stuck in a cave you drag your toys in the cave with you and you play with your toys in the middle of the night to comfort yourself in the pain of your aloneness I knew when I came here there would be no shouting tonight I didn't expect to dance but blessed God before I leave here tonight there will be a change touch three people and tell something about to happen in this room tell them in the balcony something's about to happen in this room tell them in the Overflow something is about to happen in this room tell them tell them something is about to happen foreign I kept wondering what happened I was driving down the road as a young man I was pastoring the church I was the youngest man in my church I was the youngest member of my church everybody was older than me I thought how in the world could people be married 10 15 years and suddenly get a divorce 20 years of marriage and everything falls apart 20 years of Pastor in the church now I'm pastor's on crack cocaine how in the world are people getting to the middle of their lives and going crazy it was like something was up ahead but I couldn't figure out what it was something that's happening and I got just like about seven minutes left to tell you what it is and I'm going to use one illustration and I'll be out of your way when Jim Baker got out of prison I was one of the first ministers to invite him to speak at my conference I invited him to speak at the back to the Bible Conference it was in Cincinnati Ohio and he came to Cincinnati to speak for me the Press ran out to me interviewed me they said how can you call yourself a man of God having a spiritual meeting and you invited this ex-felon this con man in to speak to these good religious people and I said to him I said I will answer your question if you promise to write what I said he said I'll write it if you'll say it I said here it is I said first thing whatever he did wrong legally he paid his debt to society I said and frankly by the look of how much time he got he paid his debt and two or three other people's debt at the same time number two whatever sin he committed if he asked God for forgiveness the moment he asked God for forgiveness the blood of Jesus will cleanse him from all unrighteousness and he has been if it never happened before in his life that is what we call the gospel the good news that 2000 years ago Jesus died on a cross so that wretches like us might have a right to the Tree of Life I said but the real bell ringer is number three you call him an ex-con let me give you a list of ex-cons Joseph was the ex-con and a jail bird and Moses was a murderer on the run when God called into the ministry and Jeremiah wrote the book of Lamentations from a jail cell and the Apostle Paul wrote most of the Pauline Epistles while he was locked up and incarcerated and even Jesus himself was incarcerated before he was crucified which is executed and if we can preach about them then surely Jim Baker can stand up in this church oh yeah I'm going to tell you something that day Jim's been controlled a story that I share in the book and I think it's important you need to know Jim said after going through what he went through he came out with wisdom anytime somebody's gone too far like that and come out they come out with something they didn't have before I want to tell you what it was he summer acted in a story that I opened my book up with he says there were the salesman who worked long hours and was away from home all the time consequently he didn't have a lot of relationships not many friends no wife no children he thought about getting a dog but who would keep the dog while he was gone he hated the idea of coming home alone so he decided that he'd get some expensive tropical fish so that at least when he got home there'd be somebody waiting for him and somebody to take care of the truth of the matter is he was lonely and I already told you that it's not good for a man to be alone one day when he'd gotten through from a long week of traveling he came home and found the fish hungry he fed the fish as he always did he knew each one of them and had given them names they were kind of like his family in a silly sort of way and he went to bed that night not too far from the fish tank curled himself up on the pillow wrapped himself up in blankets and went to sleep he didn't know that while he slept that the thermostat malfunctioned and the tank was getting hotter and hotter and hotter but he couldn't feel it he was close to them but he was not in the tank in the morning when he rose up out of his car go bed the fish that he loved so well they were bloated they were dead their eyes engorged they floated to the top of the tank they had literally boiled to death right next to him he looked at the side of the tank tears in his eyes it might sound foolish to you the only people who would understand how that would affect them as people who've lost so many things that one more thing won't do and he looked at the tank with tears in his eyes and he asked the most provocative question that I have heard in the last 20 years he said I wonder sometime during the night as the heat was getting hotter and hotter and harder I wonder did the fish scream and I couldn't hear them even though I loved them and I cared for them and I gave them what I thought they needed I wonder did I sleep through their Scream and never know that they was you mean because my world wasn't like their world and sometimes loving them is not enough if you don't understand what it is like to be them and Jim said I felt like the fish the thermostat had broken in my life and things kept getting hotter and hotter and hotter and I was heavy nobody could hear his scream I wrote emotions of music and the book because for the last year and a half God let me hear the Silent Scream of frustrated boys and men whose thermostats have broken and you are boiling to death in situations and issues and you can [Music] laughs [Music] she loves you but she can't and he wondered if anybody know that I'm under my suit and my hard head or my briefcase [Music] and I use David because David said this poor man cry and the Lord heard him I want to tell every man in this room who's ever screamed in the night who's ever woke up in the middle of the night worried and sick and tasted the bowel in your mouth frustrated and at the end of your own and you wonder does anybody know that Superman is tired and that I am frustrated and that I am afraid and that I am tired while I'm living I came all the way from Texas to tell you that God can hear your school [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] that's why David loved God it wasn't from the palace it wasn't from the Mansion it wasn't for the Chariot it wasn't for the horse and buggy he said but I love the Lord because he heard my foreign [Music] rise I will hasten to his throne and Jonah said out of the belly of the fish cried out the Lord heard me that's what I'm trying to tell you I'm trying to tell you tonight you might be in the question you might be in the balcony you might be an overflow you might someday be listening at this tape reading my book or listening at my music I came to tell you that God can't heal or [Music] [Applause] now hear me tonight if you're a man and you're in this room and your thermostat is broken and your rules are changing and the thing is getting hotter and hotter and you didn't think anybody understood what it was like to be you but you but God brought you in this room tonight and something is happening in your heart and in your spirit and if you're not too worried about your Macho image to get a breakthrough in here tonight run down to this altar run down come down here come down [Applause] now come down come down tonight is your night tonight is your night for breakfast Tonight Tonight God breaks through the darkness and the praise and the fear and the struggles and the stress and the work tonight he breaks the handcuffs on your Saturday he delivers you I'm going to tell you something we mess up when we shut up we mess up when we shut up we hold too much in we don't talk to anybody we don't open up to anybody most of you don't have any real friends anybody who can share anything with You're Going Through Hell your tank is boiling your life is on fire everybody's looking at you to be Superman your Superman suit is torn and you don't want to tell anybody but you messed up when you shut up I want you to lift your hands and open your mouth and cry out to God right now foreign oh baby to deliver you to set you free to make you whole I want to tell you tonight because every kind of man in this room married men faithful man stable man weak men tired men frustrated men wounded men there are men here who've been molested and been raped and been broken some sexually some financially nobody raped you physically but they break you on the job and they raped in the school and they raped you in life they're a little bit slapped and beat and cut and shocked and murdered racism all kinds of stuff is killing you you come in here download them don't even know where they are consume she's frustrated and looking for an answer but but Jesus is his son [Applause] tonight God promised me that if I would share this word that he would touch somebody and they would be healed and they would be made whole and I'm gonna tell you something right now you're on the verge of a mighty Deliverance not the devil don't want you to get a breakthrough ain't it for you to come tonight he said the tornado and the rain and the wind and the traffic and all kinds of problems to keep you from getting here and to keep me from getting here but the devil is alive foreign life I want you to stop being Macho and phony and trying to impress everybody with your egotism and open up your heart so that God can get down into your wounded spirit and heal you and bless you and touch you and give you some help somebody hi [Applause] this is America somebody that means I'm confused and upset to somebody that means I'm doing what I like but I don't like what I do I'm sick of myself I'm tired of this situation I'm scared I won't get out of this I'm going through turn I'm in the middle of the places I don't add anybody understand [Applause] breakthrough tonight God's Gonna Give You a breakthrough this is what I need you to do I want you to lift your hands every man all over this room thank you Jesus that's a man that wanted to come you're afraid to come you're gonna miss your blessing you will miss your blessing you need to move out of your seat I don't care if you can't get to the altar if you can't move but six feet you need to move and make an effort to get some help tonight oh yeah bring your wonderful self down here because God wants to do something in your life lift your hands up to the Lord I come against every addiction every perversion every secret sin every secret issue every secret depression every secret loneliness every backslid wounded disenfranchised frustrated confused angry brother neglected brother I pray for the kid in you I pray for the child in you I pray for the struggle in you I pray for the secret you keep and the burden you bear and I command you tonight in the name of Jesus to be healed to be delivered to be set free in Jesus name lift your hand and open your mouth foreign foreign foreign [Applause] we are your brothers we're your fathers will your husbands we are your preachers your deacons your elders I need every sister to go into spiritual warfare God's gonna break some jokes in here tonight that shall rise again God's getting ready to raise up these men