What type of guys do you should go for? mmm guys who are kind and also confident. After seeing the thousandth clip of a woman saying confidence is the number one thing she looks for in a guy, it got me thinking. What actually is confidence? It sounds like a dumb question, but seriously, think about it. Which one of these two men is more confident? and what makes them more confident than the other? After hours and hours of research into the most up-to-date Psychological literature and hours of conversations with actual women. I think I finally have an answer to what women mean when they say they want a confident man, and have a definitive answer to what confidence actually is. So what do women mean when talking about confidence? in my experience usually what women mean when talking about confidence is different for men and women. When talking about men they mean comfortable with women in a romantic context. When talking about women, including themselves, they mean self-esteem. This of course begs the question. What actually is self-esteem? self-esteem isn't confidence. self-esteem is how much you like yourself. Self-esteem or how much you like yourself is going to be equal to extraversion minus neuroticism times conscientiousness times Talent times time. You probably have no idea what this means which is fine, cause I'm going to run you through what every single one of these means. To start you need to understand that according to the most modern scientific literature your personality is made up of five traits. In this video, I'm going to be going over three of them. Neuroticism, extroversion, and conscientiousness. Extraversion is the personality trait responsible for positive emotion or how much positive emotion is felt when something good happens. An example of this is you take an extroverted person and an introverted person, give them the same situation, they both get a raise at work, the extroverted person will be ecstatic, just super happy. The introverted person will be kind of happy. This is because extroverted people experience more positive emotion than introverted people. Neuroticism is the personality trait responsible for negative emotion or how much negative emotion is felt when something bad happens. Take a neurotic person and a mellow person as an example. They both have the same situation occur where they get fired. The neurotic person freaks out they experience a large amount of negative emotion when this bad event occurs. The mellow person experiences a low amount of negative emotion when a bad event occurs, as you can see the neurotic person is simply just experiencing more negative emotion. They both experience the same emotion though. Take two examples Trisha paytas is highly neurotic she experiences large amounts of negative emotions, but she is also extroverted and also experiences high amount of positive emotions, meaning her emotional spectrum is just very large, and it can make it seem like she flip-flops, and is kind of all over the place. Now take someone like Mark Zuckerberg. He is low in neuroticism and low in extraversion meaning his emotional range is very low. He doesn't get that happy when he's happy, and he doesn't get that upset when he's upset. Bringing this back to self-esteem we can see that people with high self-esteem, people who feel good about themselves, generally just experience more positive emotion and less negative emotion than others. People with low self-esteem tend to just experience more negative emotion and less positive emotion than others. What about accomplishments say I win my math competition, or my sports championship, or an award for my art, does that not increase my self-esteem? Well it does and that's why as you age your self-esteem tends to climb. Dropping when you hit puberty case children all tend to feel great about themselves cause they haven't hit puberty yet, and peaking around 65 before neuro-degeneration tends to really kick in. Note women have less self-esteem than men on average as they are higher in neuroticism on average. Next, we're going to talk about conscientiousness. Conscientiousness breaks into two more traits industriousness and orderliness. Industriousness is how hardworking diligent or persistent you are. Most people think of this as work ethic. Orderliness is how neat careful and organized you are. As one might expect conscientiousness is one of the largest predictors of life success academically, financially, and in relationships, of any genetic trait. Therefore our formula for achievements or accomplishments is conscientiousness times talent in your given field. This will depend on what areas in life you attempt to succeed in. If you're in science a high IQ will be useful, if you're a basketball player height will be useful, if you're an actor extroversion will be useful. Talent will depend on the field you attempt to make it in but conscientiousness will help in all of them. So again as accomplishments and life stability climb so does your self-esteem. This means self-esteem or how much you like yourself is going to be equal to your extraversion minus your neuroticism times accomplishments over time accomplishments coming down to conscientiousness times "talent". Note alcohol increases your extraversion, which is why people feel like their self-esteem is higher when drinking, and something like birth control can increase neuroticism, which is another reason women might become more neurotic or their self-esteem might decrease as they get on birth control. This brings us to level of comfort around women in a romantic context or as most of you probably know it as Rizz. Level of comfort around women in a romantic context or Rizz is going to be equal to your natural extraversion times the volume of women you talk to. Take an introvert who talks to a thousand women. He will have good Rizz, an extrovert may only need to talk to 30 women to get to the same level of Rizz. If this extrovert then approaches a thousand women, he will get to excellent Rizz, and be better than the introvert. The introvert might need to approach 10,000 or even 20,000 women just to get to the same level of Rizz as the extrovert might in a thousand. So we now understand when talking about men they mean comfortable with women in romantic context and when talking about women they mean self-esteem, usually. So what is confidence actually? well the scientific definition of confidence is the level of certainty an outcome will occur. So when people say things like "he's so confident" or "I'm trying to work on my confidence" this doesn't make any sense. What does make sense is "I am confident in my ability to blank" or "I have confidence that blank will happen" this is how you properly use the term. To help you visualize things I built out this chart along the X-axis you'll see skill level, which is how good you actually are at something. Along the Y-axis you'll see self-perception which is how good you think you are at something. If you are in the bottom left, dark red quadrant, you are insecure, which is when you're bad at something and you know you're bad at it. Right above that not much better is arrogance which is when you're bad at something but you think you're good. In the bottom right yellow quadrant we have humble, which is when you think you're bad at something but you're actually good, and finally in the top right quadrant we have confidence which is when you think you're good at something and you actually are good at it. To provide an example we can use attractiveness someone who thinks they're good-looking and is good-looking is confident. Someone who thinks they're good-looking and isn't good-looking is arrogant. Someone who thinks they're ugly and is ugly is insecure. And someone who thinks they're ugly and is good-looking is humble. How much does any of this help with dating though? To succeed with women you need three things volume be good-looking and be comfortable around women in a romantic context or rizz. If you have two of these three things you will do well with women. Whether that be you talk to a lot of women and you're good-looking, you talk to a lot of women and you have rizz, or you're good-looking and you have rizz, even if you talk to very few women you'll still succeed. It's that simple and for those of you having problems with volume I'd recommend subscribing to my newsletter down in the description. My most recent article goes over the best ways to meet a high volume of women in 2024 and as soon as you subscribe you'll get access to it and multiple other high-quality articles that will get your dating life in check. So subscribe down below, and I'll see you in the next one.