The Science of Uncomfortable Social Interactions

Jun 2, 2024

The Science of Uncomfortable Social Interactions

Key Question: Why Are We Often Nice When Feeling Anxious?

  • People tend to be nice and generic when feeling anxious, uncomfortable, or socially awkward.

Research Focus

  • Scientist: Social psychologist studying uncomfortable social interactions for over 20 years.
  • **Areas of Study: **
    • New roommate relationships
    • Negotiations
    • Upward feedback with bosses
    • Doctor-patient interactions

Three Main Outcomes Studied

  1. Verbal Behavior:
    • Friendly remarks
    • Compliments
    • Gracious feedback
  2. Nonverbal Behavior:
    • Fidgeting
    • Avoiding eye contact
    • Playing with hair
    • Tone of voice
  3. Physiological Responses:
    • Cardiovascular reactivity
    • Blood pressure
    • Heart rate

Research Methodology

  • Participants engage in various lab settings.
  • Tasks include negotiations and giving feedback.
  • Measurements involve equipment for physiological responses and videotaping nonverbal behaviors.

Typical Stress Responses in Participants

  • Within 20 seconds: Increased heart rate and blood pressure.
  • Nonverbal: Fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, pulling away.
  • Contextual Example: Doctors looking at charts/computer screens instead of making eye contact with patients.

Discussion: Awkward Moments

  • Encouraged audience to think about their last awkward interaction.
  • Common responses: Increased heart rate, sweating, discomfort.
  • Highlighted the absence of social scripts in uncomfortable interactions.
  • Mentioned "anxious niceness" leading to over-the-top compliments.

Real-Life Research Findings

  • Negotiations: Winners giving overly complimentary feedback to losers.
  • Impact on Racial Minorities: Minorities more attuned to non-verbal anxiety signals, often feeling the stress of socially awkward persons.
  • Feedback Impact: General positive feedback can be patronizing and harmful for performance and reputation.

Solutions to Address Anxious Niceness

  1. Assess Workplace Culture: Determine how many appreciate constructive feedback vs. generic nice feedback.
  2. Frame Feedback Effectively: Avoid asking directly about honesty; instead, frame feedback in dimensions.
  3. Provide Replacement Behaviors: Specific feedback should come with suggestions for improvement.
  4. Start Small with Neutral Feedback: Easier to give non-threatening critical feedback initially to build comfort.

Encouragement for Change

  • Niceness should still play a role in feedback delivery.
  • Engage with feedback recipients positively to align with their goals.
  • Example: Providing balanced feedback, highlighting both strengths and areas of improvement.

Conclusion

  • Emphasizes importance of neutral feedback.
  • Encourages using niceness in delivering constructive criticism.
  • Aim to change culture of feedback while maintaining engagement and positive interaction.