Healing Avoidant Attachment Style Lecture Notes

Introduction

• Presented by Dr. Sage, a licensed clinical psychologist.
• Focus on healing relationship issues stemming from childhood and adulthood attachment disturbances.
• Part of a series on attachment styles: Avoidant, Anxious, and Disorganized.
• Video will discuss 14 steps to heal avoidant attachment style.
• Additional content on TikTok related to these topics.

Attachment and Polyvagal Theory

• Attachment story lives in the body and nervous system.
• Different environments shape attachment styles:
  • Anxious: Anxious and activated environment.
  • Avoidant: Controlled, less emotional, and rigid environment.
  • Disorganized: Mix of attachment influences.
• Can help in understanding relationships with different attachment dynamics.

Understanding Avoidant Attachment

• Result of repeated maternal rejection or primary attachment figure rejecting child's needs.
• Child learns to deactivate needs, becoming pseudo-independent and self-reliant.
• Avoid intimacy and vulnerability, often sabotage relationships despite longing for connection.

Healing Avoidant Attachment: 14 Steps

1. Acknowledge Needs

• Accept having needs and feelings is okay.
• Learn to identify and connect to emotions and needs with yourself and others.

2. Physical Affection

• Work on being comfortable with physical affection.
• Identify physical needs and engage slowly with partners.

3. Accept Negative Emotions

• Allow yourself to feel emotions without rejection.
• Engage in inner child work and self-compassion exercises.

4. Re-parenting

• Internalize and repair parenting wounds.
• Offer yourself the support and connection needed.

5. Challenge Judgment

• Avoid being rigid and judgmental like your parents.
• Develop compassion and understand others' stories.

6. Embrace Uniqueness

• Identify and develop your unique self.
• Pursue interests that were discouraged in childhood.

7. Address Jealousy

• Recognize where jealousy indicates disconnection from your true self.

8. Honor Self-reliance

• Appreciate autonomy and independence as strengths.
• Balance self-reliance with the ability to ask for help.

9. Trust in Relationships

• Work on building trust and seeing healthy, safe relationships as possible.

10. Regulate Alone

• Reduce reliance on auto-regulation alone.
• Engage face-to-face with others in distress.

11. Overcome Shame

• Address and internalize shame associated with needs.
• Use self-compassion exercises.

12. Practice Self-soothing

• Learn self-soothing techniques without isolating.
• Techniques include breathing, mindfulness, tapping, etc.

13. Healthy Dependency

• Attract and foster healthy relationships.
• Learn to share vulnerabilities safely.

14. Internalize New Parent Models

• Technique to create new, healthier parent models.
• Will be shared in future content.

Conclusion

• Each step can be expanded into deeper exploration.
• Dr. Sage is continuing to develop content and courses.
• Emphasis on the transformative potential of understanding and healing attachment styles.