Transcript for:
Science and Art of First Impressions

that's how long it takes to make a first impression a simple glance at someone's face 33 to 100 milliseconds a good first impression is a difference between a girl rejecting you patting on the shoulder and saying nice to meet you whether it's a girl's night or from her going home with you that night naked in your bed a good first impression gives you the benefit of the doubt it's going to change the frame in which the girl sees you through the whole interaction so if you put your effort in for those first few minutes and make that optimal now instead of her seeing he was Reckless she'll see he was Brave instead of her seeing he was silly you're going to be funny and hilarious instead of you being weird it's going to be quirky you might already even notice this in the club where there's an incredibly good-looking guy and whatever he does girls are like oh my God that's so hot it's so charismatic wow and then a short fat ethnic guy does the exact same thing and now this guy's a creep and just in the same way that attractive good-looking guys can actually build their social skills over time because every time they speak to a girl the girl responds in this very positive way that creates this positive reinforcement the same can happen to you once you start having good first impressions because women again will start treating you as an attractive guy you'll start self- believing that you'll start acting that way you'll become more socially aware and intelligent over time and so it's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy you start with a good first impression and that builds up over time you're going to start becoming that person so in this video I'm going to teach you exactly that we're going to go through the science of First Impressions and I'm going to show you how to enhance your first impression management skills so that after a couple of minutes every single girl you talk to is going to think damn this guy is charismatic he comes off as very attractive O Okay I want to keep talking to this man so how accurate are First Impressions even though a lot of people might think they're just guessing or they're not really sure about someone they've just met if we look at the studies we're actually surprisingly accurate there was a study here of 3 minute speed dates people were able to accurately perceive each other's unique personality profiles and another study found it took only 5 Seconds to identify people's Big Five personality traits there's also been some other random studies where people were able to identify others sexual orientation even their political orientation just by looking at photos and how long do these Impressions last do you really have a second chance to make a good first impression once I go has that impression of you a self-fulfilling prophecy does typically happen they'll just look for more evidence to support it whether they think you you're creep or they think you're really attractive and even if they get new evidence it's easy to kind of just discount that a little bit and we know from researching many Labs that impressions are kind of formed almost like emotionally and logically and that emotional part is really hard to change so for example like say you're at the club and you see a girl and someone goes to approach her right you see the guy go over then the girl gives a like this guy a dirty look flicks her hair turns her back and maybe the friend comes and like pushes him out of the way we might be like what the these girls are so incredibly rude like what a that could be like our emotional response to this you know the guy was going up and he seemed like nice and he wasn't doing anything weird but then maybe we later on we find out like no that guy was the ex-boyfriend and he cheated on her with like her best friend or some and so now emotionally we might have thought like what a logically we can say okay I get it she's she's probably not I understand that situation she's probably in the right here but something interesting happens if you were to see that girl like 2 weeks later emotionally that memory would still stay that this girl's a until you have to like logically override that so yeah First Impressions do tend to stick around at least emotionally and it does change take actually quite a lot to logically override that but hey this can be a good thing we can use this to our advantage we just create that good first impression and it's typically going to last longer and be a lot more difficult to change we're going to have to really up right so why do we have this mechanism as human so if we look at evolutionary makes a lot of sense we always want to be able to quickly identify is this friend or Foe is this someone that's going to help me out we can chill we can uh I don't know clack some sticks together and create a fire or is this someone that's about to murder me it's very important and that's why we have such a strong indication to create First Impressions so before we think about changing First Impressions let's talk about what actually influences them so is going to obviously going to be our appearance our non-verbal Behavior our actual behaviors the context and environment we're in who we're actually speaking to but let's go through them a little bit more specifically so first of all context matters where the are you now if we think about gaming if you're in a library and you're speaking really loud you probably look a little bit socially and if you're in a club and you're not speaking loud enough girls are probably think man this guy must be like super shy he can't even express himself so it's always important to read the room think about where you're at like what what are people expecting in terms of behavior with the environment that I'm in priming this is why you might get to a club and think every girl that goes clubbing is an absolute psychopath okay um hopefully that's not the case but you might find situations where girls might act a little bit different in the club compared to what they might be acting in the library or corly Joel wherever else you might meet them and usually it's from these of priming if you're a go out of the club and you're being approached like 10 times and the next person comes up of course you're going to be a little bit more um let's say confrontational with that approach and it's the same thing in Day game if you're in a street where girls have been opened 50 times with salesmen hey could you want to buy this you want to buy of course when you go up she's probably going to think you're just another salesman she's going to be like no not interested don't want this so that's something that's important to keep in mind what is this girl being primed with in her environment that is going to change the impression that you might give and one action step here is just be different don't come off the same as all these other guys that has giving her negative Impressions so if you're in the club either come off as like very confident or approach a group um if you're in Day game don't come up and sound like another London Day game robot saying hey you're very Autistic or look like you're about to sell a charity or some you need to St being unique halo effect so yeah my black pill guys you know about this one this is essentially where one positive trait is going to influence how she sees all your other traits now typically when we think halo effect we think looks so if a girl sees a guy that's like 100 foot tall he's got like a 20 pack and he's just like God's gift to women Greek god type then she's probably going to think oh this guy's so smart he's um so charismatic and blah blah we tend to put all those traits on everything else but something interesting happens with the halo effect in the fact it works the other way around so if you're very charismatic funny very interesting girls will actually start perceiving you as also more physically attractive this is also known as the interaction appearance Theory and I see this happen with me all the time there's a lot of girls that I've slept with or dated that typically go for much better looking guys than myself and after sex I know something interesting always happened not always but sometimes where girls would have this perception that they're like I'm taller than I actually am or that I'm like more muscular or like better looking and I always honestly I thought it was like orgasmic blindness or something I thought like once they had a certain amount of orgasms they just like lose their Vision a little bit and they're like okay yeah you're an attractive guy but this makes sense they're with a guy that is's like I would say very dominant very assertive very charismatic very expressive and suddenly that creates the halo effect the other way around so I'll take it um I think that's what happens with black pill guys as well they're always saying how goodl looking I am so maybe it's a halo effect actor effects this basically goes down to who you're speaking to the girl herself and I think the biggest variable here is practically going to be how good-looking she is because the better looking she is often the more picky she is and the more harsh she's going to judge your first impression and obviously the other is true the less attractive she is or like perceived attractiveness then she's probably going to be a little less picky and have more favorable first impressions as well culture so this is mainly important for the guys like traveling around and I see this in my students as well depending on where you go certain um behaviors or nonverbals it's going to change the meaning a little bit so for place like Japan for example eye contact can be considered rude um obviously closer to the Equator you are certain countries use a lot more like gestures I was going to say hand expressions and you tend to stand a little bit closer but there's a range of other things so if if you're going to a new country that's something important to keep in mind you might have to increase the amount of gestures you use in order to seem confident or you might have to adjust the amount of eye contact you're making or at least know what impact that is going to have on First Impressions stereotypes this is going to be a shortcut so we can think about here like the way we dress the way we look a lot of times girls are going to categorize you into certain stereotypes so it's important to keep that in mind I've had for example before an Asian student and he managed to change his first impression quite a a lot thinking about stereotypes so the way he dressed the way he looked he kind of just looked like an IT nerdy math Asian guy and then he got a haircut he wore some more edgy clothes he got a a sleeve t now obviously didn't go to that extent but now girl St him a much different way he almost had the stereotype of like gang member in a way which oddly enough is attracted to most women but that's something to think about like am I dressing up do I look like a middle-aged dad or do I look like a CEO or a business guy or an artist there something to keep in mind and the last contextual Factor gender now surprise surprise women are much more critical when it comes to First Impressions we're going to have a look here there's a study where there are three times more likely to notice negative behaviors in the first 30 seconds so this is why it's even more important to be conscious of the way we come across okay so there the contextual influences I want us to think for a second all right what type of impression do we want to make first question is like what do women like this is going to go back most of you guys know this but to attraction triggers so we can think they like looks intelligence humor fashion status leadership self-confidence similarity Independence and dominance to name a few so once we know that I want to ask yourself hey what is my own impression so not only we good at reading other people's impression uh but we're also good at understanding our own perception that we give off now if you're a little bit unsure it's important to maybe ask friends get feedback off girls but here are some things you can ask yourself do I get perceived as charismatic or boring out going or shy kind or judgmental intelligent or stupid open or closed power for a weak I'll put the rest up on the screen here but this is something I want you to start asking yourself what behaviors are giving this impression what clothing what looks what how am I creating these presumptions in other people once you know that now you can start to implement an impression management strategy I'm going to go through some tactics now below but if you're sitting there and you're like Markus like I I don't think I'm giving off a good first impression to women but I don't know why is it my clothing is it it if your friends don't know feedback from women don't help then always feel free you can book in a call with me so 30-minute free call links down below I'm offering 3mon coaching packages so we can go through like hey this is what I think your perception is this is the problem with it this is what we need to fix this is how we move forward if that's something you are interested in then just click click the link below book a call and uh see you then so the next thing you might ask yourself is okay so we just faking this am I just being someone or not am I just pretending here does this even work or the girl's going to see through it well first of all one thing we're not good at as humans is detecting deception we're horrible at understanding that so yeah you probably can fake it and lie and push through but that's not how I see it because your clothing is not you that's not who you are how you speak it's also not who you are the way you gesture that doesn't make you you so I'm not asking to change you I'm just asking to change a couple of factors that might um influence the impression that others have of you now over time as you make these small seemingly superficial changes you'll start to get better reactions you'll start to get more confidence within yourself you'll start to learn to be more expressive and over time this will become who you are but for now let's just practice altering couple of behaviors when it comes to the first couple of minutes it's an interaction all right guys let's get to the fun part of the video so first impression management skills what do we actually want to look at now I'm not going to talk about verbals we have a lot of videos on verbals but for now let's focus on the most important thing when it comes to impression which is going to be nonverbal behavior all right the first being handies now not hand jobs but start using your hands to gesture and to build trust back in the day again it was important to know that that dude over there didn't have a rock or a spear coming your way way so seeing hands often builds a little bit of trust and interestingly enough it also shows a lot of expression there was a study here that looked at TED talks and the TED Talks that had more hand gestures in it tended to get more views and were more engaging take up space so there was a set of studies tested whether humans are more attracted to individuals displaying their bodies expansively a behavior considered to express both dominance and openness so even the concept of taking up space and I think I may have talken about power poses before but even taking up space itself gives you a sense of Pride and actually makes you feel more confident before you're even in front of the G so be expansive take up space use gestures and it's going to come off as more attractive project your voice a loud voice is perceived and indicates social dominance you can also determine someone's personality from their tone of voice and once again a slightly lower tone is going to be perceived as a little bit more attractive if you want to find out more information on this I have a video on this channel about projecting your voice and vocal tonality so if that's something you're interested you can check that out but also when we're talking about voice slow the down the number one thing that is going to make you seem and feel nervous is speaking quickly and it's what everyone does when they first start speaking to a girl so I know your brain is telling you that you're probably speaking in a normal pace you're not I promise you you're not take a breath slow everything down and you're going to be perceived as way more confident eye contact now boys eyes are the window to the soul so it's time to do some soul okay eye contact will capture attention builds trust communication intent and shows confidence people even interpreted eye contact with intelligence and being sincere so at first when you're learning eye contact just make sure that you're not looking away a lot of the time again nervousness you're going to look away you're going to look down just make sure you're not doing that over time you kind of want to be showing eye contact about 70% of the time and there's as an advanced technique you can actually try hold a lot more eye contact to build some sexual tension in the interaction but at first just make sure you're not looking away familiarity now this is a little cheek goat here if you approach someone as if you know them they will automatically shortcut that they must like you so if you go in very warm friendly a big smile sometimes I like to even like wave at girls opposite from the club and they'll look at you with this weird look like oh I must I must know him and then when you go and approach her you will have a way better first impression cuz she's thinking like I I must know him from somewhere we must already have liked each other similarity so first impressions can be actually affected by something called the similarity attraction hypothesis this is where we tend to look at people as either similar or dissimilar and we tend to be a little bit more attracted to people are similar too now this doesn't mean that you have to like change your first impression with every other person or try to like mirror them crazy but just keep in mind that using similar language using similar like gestures tends to um create that sense of familiarity and tends to have a better first impression next point is perfect your introduction okay so when you got to introduce yourself something you're going to do quite a well let's perfect it instead of saying hi om marus like it's a question you're asking just have that tonality going down hi om marus and maintain eye contact as you do it if you're going in for a hug going for a hug be smooth and strong use both hands don't do this one half hug with you don't know where your head going strong and smooth give the hug if you're doing a handshake again don't fing squeeze the girl's hand like you're trying to rip a soul out of her and show her how dominant and strong you are it's kind of weird and don't give her a little fish hand okay just nice medium pressure a little bit of squeeze don't hold it too long but you can practice this because it's something you'll do over and over and over again but get that introduction down and it's going to have a good impact name always use their name Emanual right manual always use their name okay um I'm just hoping there's like one Emanual out there that's listening to this and they're like damn did he just say my name and they're going to perk up but that's the advantage of using people's names it is their favorite word in the whole entire world so when they hear it they're more likely to La you so if you're growing up to a girl or a group of girls and you can find out the names early and you can continue to use those names it's going to create a good first impression looks now of course looks are going to make a big impact on your first impression there's some things about your looks you can change and you can't change so focus on the on that you can work out get a haircut wear some nice fitting clothes but if you want to learn more about this you can go to my video called do looks matter and there's a lot of like practical tips in there s um boys have a shower okay wash yourself before going out but no really um those that wear a fragrance tend to again if you look at some studies be a little bit more well received than those that don't if you're going to wear um a spray I prefer going with that's a little bit more masculine I like um I can never what is forward um it's called OD wood I think is how you pronoun it I'll just put up on the screen here this one I think that's got a nice masculine sent to I get a lot of good feedback from girls but I also like experimenting with a bunch of different ones and I just see what girls respond well to so you can do the same smiling now it's a bit of mixed okay so there's a study where women just look at photos and oddly enough smiling is like the least attractive women prefer looks of Pride even shame over like smiling but if we look at other studies like ones that do speed dating then smiling is perceived really well so I think what happens here if you're just looking at a still image yeah maybe you probably don't want to have this big smile on your face but when you're in person with someone it conveys some Warth some expressiveness and it's usually um perceived as attractive so don't forget to smile so to summarize guys a lot of this comes down to just being more expressive it's as simple as that if you look at the studies expressiveness almost had the same effect or had the same effect as being good-look when it came to lack ability so focus more on creating emotion displaying Charisma and confidence by having a wider range of tonality movement of body language of hand gestures facial expressions I think the biggest mistake guys can make is they try to acts like dominant and mysterious and James Bond but really the impression you get is just some boring monotone disinterested guy and I think there's room for that but at first just be very expressive girls are going to think you charismatic they're going to think you confident and then you can pull back and be a little mysterious but if you don't have that first part of the formula first you're just a boring guy and as a final tip uh there's things you want to avoid so I've gone through all things you want to do obviously avoid speaking softly speaking too fast fidgeting any like self pacifying behavior and also keep in mind approaching a group is always going to be way easier when you approach a group as opposed to an individual they tend to be more General they tend to be less critical and it just looks way more confident if you go out to like one girl in the corner of the club and like hey how's it going compared to 10 girls and you're like hey guys hey one second then you do your open it's always always a CH Cod to an amazing first impression so there it is guys I hope that helps don't forget if you want some more help there's a link down below you can hit that you can sign up for a call otherwise I'm going to do another video on First Impressions when it comes to online dating so if that's something you're interested in hit the sub button hit like shoot me a comment I'll answer questions down below um anyway hope that helped [Music] w