chapter 26. I tip my hat to the excellent elephant let's be besties okay I knocked an arrow and fired at the chain in most circumstances my first instinct was to shoot usually this worked out unless you count the time Hermes burst into my bathroom without knocking and yes I always keep my bow handy when I'm on the toilet why would I not this time my shot was ill-planned peaches struggled and swung so much my arrow sailed past his chin and fell to random blemma in the stands stop make treated me you might have peaches the emperor laughed yes that would be a shame when he's about to burn to death come out asleep from his box onto the racetrack Meg raised her sword and prepared to charge but mercenaries in the stands leveled the rifles no matter no matter that I was 50 yards away the snipers had aim worthy of well me a swarm of red targeting dots floated over my chest now now Meg the emperor chided pointing to me my game my rules unless you want to lose two friends in the dress rehearsal Meg lifted one sword then the other weighing them like options she was too far away for me to clearly see her expression but I could sense her Agony how many times had I been caught in such a dilemma Dubai destroyed the Trojans or the Greeks do I flirt with my sister's hunters and risk getting slapped or do I flirt with Bruno Mars and risk getting blown up these are the kinds of choices that Define us as Meg hesitated a pit crew in Togo's rolled another Formula One car onto the track a bright purple machine with a golden number one on the hood protruding from the roof was a wiry lance about 20 feet tall topped with a wad of cloth my first thought why did komodus need such a big antenna then I looked again at the dangling carpus in the spotlight peaches glistened as if he'd been slathered with grease his feet usually bare were covered in rough sandpaper like the Striking surface of a matchbook my gut Twisted the race car's antenna wasn't an antenna it was a giant match set at just the right height to ignite against peaches peaches feet once I'm in the car commode is pronounced my mercenaries will not interfere Meg you may try to stop me any way you please my plan is to complete one circuit let your friend on fire then Circle back around and hit you in Apollo with my car I believe they call that a Victory lap the crowd roared with approval komoda sleeped into his car his pit crew scattered and the purple racer peeled out in a cloud of smoke but blood turns to cold pressed olive oil pumping sluggishly through my heart how long would it take for that race car to get around the track seconds at most I suspected Commodus windshield was Aero proof he wouldn't leave me such an easy solution I didn't even have time for a decent ukulele riff meanwhile Meg guided her ostrich Under The Swinging carpos she stood on the bird's back no easy task and reached as high as she could but peaches was much too far above her turn into a fruit Meg shouted up at him peaches wailed which probably meant don't you think I would if I could I guess the rope that the ropes Were Somehow magically restrained restricting his shape-shifting confiding him to his present form much as Zeus had shoehorned my awesome Divinity into the miserable body of Lester Papadopoulos for the first time I felt a kinship with the diaper and Demon baby modus is now halfway around the track he could have gone faster but he insisted on swerving and waving to the cameras the other race cars pulled over to let him pass making me wonder if they understood the concept of racing Meg leaped from the ostrich's back she caught the goal post Cross Beam and began to climb but I knew she wouldn't have time to help the car posts the purple car round at the far end zone a Commodus accelerated in the straightaway it would be all over if only I could block his path with something large and heavy oh wait I thought my genius brain I am sitting on an elephant engraved across the base of the massive cult helmet was the name Olivia I assumed that was the elephants I'll leaned forward Olivia my friend do you feel like stomping an emperor she trumpeted her first real show of enthusiasm I knew elephants were intelligent but her willingness to help surprise me I got the feeling that Commodus had treated her terribly now she wanted to kill him this was this at least we had in common Olivia charged toward the track shouldering other animals aside sweeping her trunk to smack Gladiators out of our path elephant I cried excellent elephant the Throne of memory bounced precariously on my back I spent all my arrows except for the stupid talking one shooting down combat ostriches fire breathing horses cyclopses and Cena safali then I snatch up my combat ukulele and played the bugle call for charge Olivia barreled down the center lane heading for the purple race car komodus veered straight toward us his grinning face reflected on every video monitor around the stadium he looked delighted by the prospect of a head-on collision me not so much Commodus was hard to kill my elephant and I were not nor was I sure how much protection Livia's chainmail would give her I'd been hoping we might Force Commodus off the road but I should have known he would never back down in a game of chicken without a helmet his hair flopped wildly around him making his golden Laurels look like they were on fire without a helmet I pulled a scalpel from my bandolier leaning forward I saw it through the chainmail through the chin strap off Olivia's football helmet it snapped easily thank the gods for cheap plastic merchandise Olivia I said throw it the excellent elephant understood still charging Full Speed Ahead she curled her trunk around her face guard and flung the helmet like a gentleman tipping his cat if that hat were allowed to hurtle forward as a gently projectile Commodus swerved the giant white helmet bounced off his windshield but the real damage had been done purple one vaulted onto the field at an impossibly steep angle canted sideways and flipped three times bowling over a herd of ostriches and a couple of unlucky gladiators oh the crowd Rose to its feet the music stopped the remaining Gladiators backed toward the edge of the field eyeing the overturned Imperial race car smoke poured from the chassis the wheel spun sloughing off shavings of tread I wanted to believe the crowd silence was a hopeful pause perhaps like me their fondest wish was that Commodus would not emerge from the wreckage that he had been reduced to an imperial smear on the artificial turf at the 42-yard line alas a steaming figure crawled from the wreckage Commodus beard smoldered his face and hands were black was soot he rose his smile undammed and stretched as if he just had a good nap nice one Apollo he grabbed the chassis of the ruined race car and lifted it over his head but it will take more than this to kill me he tossed the car aside flattening and unfortunate cyclops the audience cheered and stomped the emperor called clear on the field immediately dozens of animal handlers Medics and ball retrievers brushed onto the turf the surviving Gladiator soaked away as if realizing no fight to the death to compete with what komodus had just done as the emperor ordered his servants around I glanced toward the end zone somehow Meg had climbed all the way to the top of the goal post she leaped toward peaches and caught his legs causing great deal of screeching and cursing from the carpos for a moment they swung together from the chain then Meg climbed her friend's body summoning her sword and slashed the chain they dropped 20 feet landing on the track in a heap happily peaches acted as a cushion for Meg given the soft squishy nature of a peach fruit I imagined Meg would be fine well komoda Strode toward me he limped slightly on his right ankle but if it caused him any serious pain he gave no sign that was a good rehearsal tomorrow more deaths including yours of course we'll tweak the combat phase perhaps add a few more race cars and basketballs and Olivia you naughty old elephant he wagged his finger at my Pachyderm Mount that's the sort of energy I was looking for if you show that much enthusiasm in our previous games I wouldn't have had to kill Claudius Olivia stomped and trumpeted I stroked her thought I stroked the side of her head trying to calm her but I could feel her intense anguish Claudius was your mate I guessed Commodus killed him the emperor Shrugged I did warn her play my games or else muffins are so stubborn they're big and strong and used to getting their way rather like the Gods still he winked at me it's amazing what a little punishment can accomplish Livia stamped her feet I knew she wanted to charge but after seeing Commodus toss a race car I suspected he would have little trouble hurting Libya we will get him I murmured her just wait yes until tomorrow Commodus agreed you'll get another chance to do your worst but for now ugh here come my guards to escort you to yourself a squadron of Germany hustled onto the field with the tearsies in the lead across his face The Cornhusker had an ugly new bruise that looked suspiciously like an ostrich's footprint that pleased me he was also bleeding from several new cuts on his arm and his pant legs were slashed to Ribbons the rips looked like grazes from small game arrowheads as if the hunters had been toying with their target doing their best to eliminate his trousers this pleased me even more I wish I could add a new Arrow wound to a turkey's collection perhaps preferably one right in the middle of his sternum my quiver was empty except for the arrow to Donna I'd had enough drama for one day without adding bad Shakespearean dialogue the tear sees bad awkwardly my Lord Commodus and I spoke in unison yes I thought I looked much more lordly singing atop my chain male elephant but later she's just sneered at me my Lord Commodus he clarified the Invaders have been pushed back from the main gates about time the emperor muttered they were Hunters of Artemis sire I see Lotus didn't sound particularly concerned did you kill them all we like gulped no my Lord they sniped at us from multiple positions and fell back leaving us into a series of traps we only lost 10 men but you lost ten Commodus examined his stained fingernails and how many of these Hunters did you kill lit edged away his neck veins pulsed I I am not sure we found no bodies so you cannot confirm any kills camo just glanced at me what would you advise Apollo should I take time to reflect should I consider the consequences should I perhaps tell my prefect literacy is not to worry he will be fine he will always have my blessings this last line he screamed his voice echoing through the stadium even the wild centaurs in the stands fell quiet no kumotis decided his tone once again calmed where are you Mani stepped forward sire Paulo and Meg McCaffrey into custody see that they get nice cells for the night but the throne immunosene back in storage kill the elephant and the carpos what else oh yes from the boot of his racing suit camotes pulled a hunting knife hold the tercy's arms for me while I cut his throat it's time for a new prefect before Alaric could carry out those orders the Stadium's roof exploded