Understanding Conflict: A New Perspective

Introduction to Conflict Metaphors

• Conflict is described using various metaphors such as:
  • A volcano about to erupt
  • A hurricane
  • Slow dancing, barefoot on broken glass
  • Holding back the ocean with a broom
  • War, plague
  • Being drawn and quartered
• Your metaphor for conflict reflects your feelings and thoughts about it.

Common Conflict Advice and Its Limitations

• Traditional advice includes:
  • Communicate
  • Don't go to bed angry
  • Compromise
• These treat conflict as a problem and can be ineffective.

Rethinking Conflict

• Conflict is seen not as a problem but as a potential solution.
• It can transform us and our relationships.
• Perspective change is key to seeing conflict's transformative power.

Three Keys to Changing Perspective on Conflict

1. Recognize the Real Issue

• Conflicts often resemble icebergs, with deeper issues beneath the surface.
• Example: Dishes conflict was about independence, respect, and identity rather than the dishes themselves.

2. Recognize When You're Stuck

• Being stuck is often due to justification, feeling blameless.
• This mindset keeps you in repeating patterns without change.
• Being stuck can feel justified but leads to dissatisfaction.

3. Speak Responsibly with VOCAB

• Vulnerability: Let yourself be seen, share true feelings and needs.
• Ownership: Take accountability for your needs, emotions, and choices.
• Communication: Ask, listen, and express effectively to create empathy.
• Acceptance: Embrace reality, let go of control, and acknowledge loss.
• Boundaries: Set ground rules for acceptable behavior to build trust.

Practicing VOCAB in Conflict Situations

• Use conversations to create change in relationships.
• Example: Addressing issues with a daughter through vulnerability and open communication.

Conclusion: Embracing Conflict

• Conflict is not negative but a chrysalis for change, an opportunity.
• Reflect on what conflict could mean for you in your life and relationships.