Lecture on Receiving Feedback

Introduction

• Lecture by a member of the Harvard Negotiation Project.
• Focus: Challenges and importance of feedback in conversations.
• Initial approach: Teaching feedback givers to give better feedback.

The Shift in Focus

• Realization: Receivers are in charge of what they accept and how they change.
• Importance of learning to receive feedback effectively.
• Feedback includes performance reviews, suggestions, and everyday criticisms.

Challenges in Receiving Feedback

• Truth Triggers: Doubts about the accuracy of the feedback.
  • Challenge to see oneself and feedback accurately due to blind spots.
• Relationship Triggers: Reactions based on who gives the feedback.
  • Importance of separating the 'who' from the 'what'.
• Identity Triggers: Emotional reactions based on personal identity.
  • Variability in sensitivity to feedback (up to 3000%).

Identity Triggers Explained

• Genetic and Emotional Factors:
  • Emotional reactions are 50% genetic, 40% narrative, 10% circumstance.
  • Baseline happiness affects feedback reception.
  • Sensitivity and recovery time vary among individuals.

Sensitivity to Feedback

• Highly Sensitive Individuals:
  • One piece of feedback can overshadow everything.
  • Google Bias: Focus on negative past experiences.
• Insensitive Individuals:
  • May not notice feedback, dismiss potential improvements.
  • Impact of undersensitivity on relationships and leadership.

Strategies for Effective Feedback Reception

• Ask for specific feedback, one thing that can be improved.
• Refrain from broad questions like "Do you have any feedback for me?"
• Specificity leads to clearer, actionable feedback.

Conclusion

• Feedback sits at the junction of the need to grow and the need to be accepted.
• Learning and growth often stem from painful feedback experiences.
• Aim to manage the pain of feedback to enrich relationships and enhance learning.

Key Takeaway

• Developing skills to effectively receive feedback is crucial for personal and professional growth.