[Music] Joe Panucci is a single man living alone two and a half years ago when his cancer was first discovered it was expected that he would live for three months I was having the normal physical my doctor informed me that I hadn't had a text x-rayed that year and the best if I go down and have one immediately and bring it back which I did I heard a lot of commotion out there and what they were doing is calling other doctors and somebody else was telephoning for a room finally the doctor in question he come in and he told me they had found a tumor on my lung I always put through an awful lot for a period of 12 days he called me in the office and he says uh yeah I won't operate he says you're inoperable he said you'd never get off the table and he walked away from me just like that cold now I had to turn around and find out what kind of a cancer I had and all the information on it I possibly could on my own you can imagine how I felt my pardon is here I hope it's going to be more about compassion I don't mean to have somebody come in and slobber all over you that's not the compassion I speak about their main compassion which to the patient in respect to the way you intelligently told that person prepared him that he was terminally ill and what he had to face I took it bad enough that I didn't eat I was drinking very heavily since then and having the services of the hospice those nurses have counseled have talked and we have had little sessions in regard to my illness and in regard to even the time when I will regress more rapidly in doing so they are better informed and more able to handle it when that time arrives a well-meaning woman in the parish started something like a home care a unit of their own members of the parish would visit the ill one man in particular came here and introduced himself the first thing he repeatedly did was Hawaiian how are you and waited for me to respond which I don't do I don't want anybody ask me how I am how the hell do you think I am you know now you know before you come here then I got cancer now what the hell he asking me for and then he would take a kitchen chair and bring it right up to here and talk to me as though I was deaf yeah hi who and what I thought he was sicker than I was you know and hard-of-hearing and everything else he had asked me what particular support on like best and I said I like baseball especially during fairies and at that very time the World Series is on my TV and there he is black and my TV Hollan his brains out and I want to watch the game I told him to move the chair back because I could hear very well in fact I have sensitive ears and I said I want to watch the surgery the game is on and he moved the chair back and he went out the door and I never saw him again thank the good Lord I try to live in a normal manner I go about my business daily take care of the house whatever I have to do because there's no other way to do it I mean you just can't sit in the chair and say well I'm I am ready yes but you just can't say come on take me you know and mope around while precious life was any every moment of it you know we take it for granted I say we you take it for granted every day I'm still here at this time and then the way I feel personally I think I'll be here for a while yet I don't know and you must learn something in regard to your own self being the terminal illnesses of others can teach you an awful lot you after being diagnosed is terminally ill homecare became an important part of an Bartlett's well-being Ann's husband Joe her close friend and neighbor Helen and her five sons and their families gathered around her providing comfort and support and taking care of her daily needs I went in because I was seeing we all be a pain so the hospital was like a blessing to me he held me then the depression came in I wanted to go I was always in the back of my mind hey there wasn't gonna get back home and that's what you need the voices and cases of her family it's got a waiting truck so now hours to see them and then a short time he can leave him I never like saying goodbye it's for everybody closer together they want to be here constantly just to return love that we pour it out for years that are giving it back when it's needed he seemed to be more affectionate like it was a long time since a stop good to me right hi my boy now don't kiss me but now they're coming back they're kissing and loving it feels good I used to miss that I depend on telling a great deal I feel really damn I always ask the one o'clock yet or morning I got her up out of bed Christmas was panicky she says he held my hand until I fall asleep you know and well enough that if things aren't going the way they should then it's the time to get advice we have the medication the oxygen we know the way she should be if there's any change we detective immediately the first crisis we're gonna panic after the first situation you know what to do how come I Danny you panic but nobody else panics when I have a problem the hospice is there everybody's got their hands for each day you gotta care a lot to do this it just sees that the more you do the more you want to do even though you don't have to be here in the middle of the day it's just that you wanted guys don't like someone I know there's always somebody here taking care I know that but it's just you want to be close to her but your family's got to get involved in a very big area this situation for not what they want no right I pushed him away I was embarrassed wasn't until dr. Murphy said you're pushing your place away and it was because I didn't ask to come try it out when I needed it but it is not bad at all it's they're not embarrassed it's coming to the intended I feel awkward my down the LT there she didn't know I mean I don't mean to be he tries to make me eat I don't want I see the change in his eyes I see I went toe-to-toe scared I don't I know I have she was ready towards the end she was very relaxed you know not nervous about nothing the nurse came early that morning and Jeannie came and we sitar are you ready to have your bath she said yes I want to get cleaned up so we gave her her bath and she made a motion for me to give her a kiss so I kissed her and that was it she closed the rice that's how she got I mean you're never gonna take the herd out of you I don't think maybe in time it'll go away I don't know but when you're so close for so many years there is a deep deep loss the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit here let us pray since Almighty God has called our sister Ann from this life to himself we commit her body to the earth from which it was made Lord God we give you thanks and praise we remember 32 years we knew one another since Ed was 14 we grew up together the same same block with the same school and high school which then we got jobs and we got married started raising a family we got five sons we had a real good life together you know a lot of good times after several weeks of hospitalization for advanced cancer Marian Winslow returned home to be cared for by her family her daughter Susan became intimately involved with Marian's day-to-day care along with the other members of the household Susan's husband Michael her son David and Marian's husband Edie here she gets a one-on-one care that she needs and she's a lot happier I can see a big difference in her attitude and she's much more relaxed well I feel that you know you're in a atmosphere that you know that you like it's the idea of living in an eye-full care program but all the advantages of being home with my family it's much easier having her at home like I wasn't spending time with my son or husband and this way I thought they'll be close by her when she needs me and still I have my husband and son by me when she was in a half an hour even get to see her I couldn't go up there I'm more happier I get to do things with her I'll pull checkers and cards remember to help her when I was busy doing something I exhale you need anything I'll get it for you I used to take him every place I was lost without sometimes he gets upset and he doesn't want to believe that he's its grandmother this is sick that she is and he keeps on hoping that she's gonna get better but he knows that she won't think in the long run it's gonna add a lot of Goods gonna come out of it because he's gonna know how much she loved him and how much everybody loved her and he can see about caring for people and what you can do to try and help it's a fear of not knowing what to expect that would keep people from doing it but if something does come up and you're not chill of you just call hospice and they get back to you within a minute and then if you feel you need them they'll come right over and they're good could they let you make the decisions they tell you your options but then they let you decide we've always been a family that pitched in and did a lot of stuff together and now we got to get the house done so we all pitch in and do that and she wants to get out no we were cheering going the front porch and scrape off the really well if I'm gonna chair under the front porch there's no reason why I can't take a scraper and scrape it she can't take that much energy there's no sense in just burying yourself you try to do as much as you can Sunday she wanted to get up and go outside because we get ready to paint she wanted to try and scrape and sand we had a tough time getting her in the wheelchair she's very very weak I got him up next to the house and got her the sand paper and the scraper and try to get her situated and she tried a few scrapes and looked at me and just said she doesn't have the strength to do it she changed that they it just disgust her that she wasn't able to do anything I just knew that that was going to be the last time she got up in the wheelchair I folded the wheelchair up after we put her back into bed because I knew just what the struggle it was to get up this last time that you want to be able to get up out of bed again a couple days after that she decided she was ready mentally to die she's trying to let go but it's hard for me to just let go after war that time she's scared I can feel it and I don't want her to have to be afraid and if my being there helps her or than I want to be there she slept straight through last night because I told her I was gonna be there in case he needed me for anything and even though she was sound asleep and snowing I said he knows I was there I was able to get now and a half this morning when my husband got up at 6 and he stayed with her everybody wanted to take turns but for my own self I had to be there one night with her do you think you have a better life in heaven I don't know well my opinion I think you will because you won't be sick is there anything you want me to do like when you're going enjoy yourself I'll miss you but I tried Thursday was when she really started slipping into the coma she would be awake off and on it was important to me that she knew when she got that beer that she was still at home like she wanted I would sit in the Oh off and on and say different things about what's been going on and stuff because they told me that even though they're in the coma the last thing that goes to hearing you could tell that she knew you're just because she would give a moan or something like that you just knew that she understood you about one o'clock my father went upstairs to go to bed Mike and I went in the oh I wiped her forehead with the washcloth and all of a sudden her jaw started going like she was trying to say something to me Mike said to me I think this is it we told her that we loved turned that we were going to miss her and that it's it's alright just let it come let it happen I felt her squeeze my hand and that was it she died I just felt lost really lost it was a shock but yet when it happened I felt relief for her and for me because I really didn't know how much more mentally I could take of watching her literally dying before my eyes that was the hardest week of my in my life I've never been to a funeral before just seeing the coffin was hard I knew then for sure that that was final that was it and it is all over with I not only felt the loss of my mother she was a good friend and for the past several months I have been taking care of her every day she's gone and now what am I going to do there was a lot of hard times and it wasn't easy but a lot of good came out of that too I feel as if I've grown as a person I have more confidence in myself I wasn't sure if I had it in me to take care of her and I found out I did and a lot more I thought I would never be able to give somebody a needle I'm not quite so afraid of death as I was that used to petrified me now I'm much more relaxed with it see you know she was and how she was ready and how peaceful it was for her I'm not so scared of facing my own that makes you realize just how short life is and and you have to decide what's important to you and what isn't he always did so much for us it seems like yeah I was able to try and give her something back and it gave us so much time together and if I was feeling down she would help support me and then if she was down I would support her and pick her back up we just helped each other so much I just wouldn't have had it any other way I feel as if I'd done everything that I possibly could to try and help her I did what I wanted to do and it makes it a lot easier we've had lots of times to talk and I'm I don't feel as if oh I wish I said this too oh I wish I said that because I said everything I had to say [Music] you [Music]