Impact of Childhood Trauma: Neglect or abuse in childhood can damage the ability to form real relationships.
Avoidance Defined: Pulling away from others is a common response termed 'avoidance'.
Covert Avoidance: Not intentionally isolating, but keeping interactions superficial and maintaining emotional distance.
Signs of Covert Avoidance
Superficial Interactions: Appear amiable and functional on the outside but emotionally distanced.
Busy and Tired: Often feel too busy or too tired to engage in normal activities (e.g., tidying up, cooking).
Chronic Lateness: Regularly being late to appointments or social gatherings can indicate avoidance.
Personal Anecdote: Being late to events due to perceived busyness and how it served to keep others at bay.
Understanding Avoidance
Functionality vs. Feelings: Despite seeming accomplished, individuals may feel internally like a "sad little kid".
Triggers: Individuals with complex PTSD may feel overwhelmed by situations that trigger feelings of rejection or criticism.
Impact of Avoidance: Rigidly protecting oneself can lead to a lack of personal growth and connection.
Reasons to Address Covert Avoidance
Lack of Depth: Not learning to connect drains life of meaning and depth.
Opportunity for growth is lost.
Increased Clarity: Coming out of hiding allows for clearer self-reflection and acknowledgment of personal struggles.
Engaging support and guidance is vital.
Need for Support: During hard times, it’s crucial to have reliable support systems from relationships built over time.
Avoidance leads to isolation when life crises occur.
Steps to Healing Avoidant Tendencies
Opening Up: Start fostering real connections with others for mutual support.
Recognizing Triggers: Learn to identify triggers for avoidance and manage them effectively.
Learning Boundaries: Develop the ability to set boundaries to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Seeking Support: Engage in communities or practices that provide emotional support and understanding.
Practical Tips for Overcoming Avoidance
Start Small: Make gradual changes in daily life to promote healing.
Daily Practices: Utilize available resources and courses for coping strategies (mentioned free daily practice course).
Awareness of Behaviors: Recognize subtle forms of avoidance, like focusing on phones, unfulfilling jobs, or numbing behaviors (food, drugs, video games).
Conclusion
Commitment to Healing: Focus on gradual steps toward healing and connection is essential.
Resources Available: More information and support materials can be accessed; small, consistent actions can lead to significant change.