So ever since I posted my last video about how I write and edit my task A essays, I have just been getting so many comments, so many comments again begging me just to do a task B essay for you guys. Look, just because I am a giver, once again I will give you guys what you want and do that today. Hey guys, so if you had no idea what that just was, make sure you go and check out my Task A essay version of this where I went through and edited the best Task A essay that I wrote in practice for the GAMSAT back when I was preparing for the exam a few months ago. For those who are new here, hi, my name is Kate Robson.
I've just started posting videos here on YouTube. My first one was to do with how I scored 80 in section two of the GAMSAT. You can find that one here where I just go over all of my broad tips for how I scored 80 in section two of the GAMSAT and how you can too.
Then once you've watched that make sure you watch my task A essay one which will kind of introduce you to the format of these videos and show you how I write and style my essays. I went through a lot of structure stuff, style, tone stuff in that video so make sure you check it out. It will will show you how I write. a good argumentative essay for the GAMSAT. If you've already watched that one, great, welcome back, thanks for coming.
So today I'm going to be going through a task B essay. As I promised in my last video, this essay I got given an 87 for, which is the best mark that I've received for a practice essay. I'm really proud of this essay, it's probably the best essay I've written and there are many reasons for that which you'll soon find out.
This essay is written in a reflective style, so it's looking at an aspect of my life and reflecting on the lessons that that has taught me. I think the task B prompts really play well into a reflective personal style essay. A while into my preparation, I kind of realized that, so I just kept on writing reflective essays for task B, and then I ended up writing a reflective essay in my actual exam, and that contributed. probably was the main contributor to the reason that I got an 80. The reflective style might not work for you but it really really works for me because I like looking at parts of my own life and the lessons that I've learned from that as hopefully you'll see soon.
So without further ado let's get stuck in and write and edit an 87 scoring task b gamsat essay with me. Also I'm wearing the brightest most colorful jumper today that my partner got me thanks to her for that because it's quite fitting with the theme of today's essay which is going to be childhood. Okay so let's have a look at my computer screen now.
Like I said the theme of today's essay is childhood. I actually wrote down the prompts this time which is great. So first of all we've got you can be as happy as a child all throughout life with the right attitude.
Second of all childhood is a mindset where all humans are free to dream. Thirdly all of us are children when we are around our parents. That is so true. And Fourthly, it is much better to continue to behave as a child than live in adulthood.
Fifthly... fifthly? Fifthly, that's a word.
Children are the most clever and mischievous of us all and they get away with it by being cute and innocent. Now just reading through those prompts I'm already drawn into them. I really really like this topic and it's kind of no wonder that I wrote a good essay on it because I was obviously quite inspired by the prompts and felt that they rang true to me.
Like reading through all of them I could write an essay about essay on pretty much any of them. I can see already that I chose kind of more to focus around number four, which is it's much better to continue to behave as a child than live in adulthood. But like I said in my task A essay video, I support responding to all of the prompts because you can get a lot more if you respond to the ideas of all of them.
So this one isn't just actually really talking about childhood, it's kind of talking about the mindset of a child, the mindset difference between children and adults, how to live as a child when you're an adult and why you should live as a child when you're an adult. It's really more focusing on the mindset of children. So not just childhood. Make sure you always really dive into those prompts a little bit more rather than just be like, oh, yep, I see the word childhood a few times and then decide that that's the theme.
That may be the theme, but the underlying message of all of them is often much deeper than that. I think I'll post another video where I actually go through them. go through all of the prompts and try and figure out the idea of them and try and formulate my own idea and my own contention for it. an essay because I think that would be quite useful and it was one of the most difficult things that I found to do when I was preparing. Yeah let me know in the comments below if you guys want to see that.
Okay now I'm gonna try something a little different this time instead of reading through the essay slowly and go through each sentence as I read through like I did in my task A1. I'm actually gonna read you guys the whole essay and then we can go through it just because I think this kind of essay, this style, this reflective style is read a lot nicer when you you just read through it first and then you kind of go through and analyze. So I just want to give you guys a nice overview of what the actual essay is so that you guys can formulate your own opinions on that, see how it sits with you and I'll see how it sits with me again and then we can discuss it. So let's get stuck in. And remember while I'm reading just to try and keep a critical mind so looking out for how I write my sentences, what the structure is, what the style is, and what you take from the essay and how it makes you feel.
All right here we go. My nono is turning 21 again this year, or so he likes to tell us. Each time his birthday comes around he refuses to admit to the almost nine decades he has lived and prefers to continue his second adolescence.
He has taken F. Scott Fitzgerald's suggestion very seriously that growing up is a terribly hard thing to do and that it is better to skip it and go from one childhood to another to the point that i couldn't even tell you how old he is really turning this year every year at our family christmas with his offspring seated around the extended table munching on our lamb with colored hats on our heads my nonna asks is everybody happy his question is usually followed by a loud belly laugh he emanates the air of a man who values joy over melancholy optimism over cynicism risk taking over caution and refuses to accept the downsides of life as as being inevitable. If his life has a legacy, it is certainly ignorance is bliss.
This attitude has entranced me for ever so long and has consumed my thoughts on more occasions than one. Is ignorance really bliss? Can we indeed live righteously if we adopt the mind of a child? Is the recklessness, naivety, and inconsequential attitude to behavior of which children hold really the key to happiness as an adult?
I often analyze my nono when pondering these questions. He is the closest thing I have encountered to be a manifestation of these objects of my conscience. I understand why he chooses to live his life this way.
I also occasionally miss the innocence of childhood, the land of dreams, or as Edna Millay put it, the kingdom where nobody dies. I used to make decisions without constantly double thinking them and the choices I made felt like they had much less weight to them as they do so now. I wasn't so occupied by the fear of the perceptions which others held of me and didn't concern myself with things. things out of my control.
But I am sure I will grow out of these concerns, as I did with the more reckless traits of my younger self. My nono, despite being the happy-go-lucky man in our family, has also been called neglectful, egotistical, and self-absorbed. This is the risk of living in the mind of a child. Children have their flaws too. This, in essence, is the benefit of growing up.
Aging, time, and change are necessary for us to mature and grow, and to surpass the flaws of our unconditioned younger selves. A child is not ready for the complexities of adulthood. One must mature to understand the depth, difficulty, and many contradictions of the human experience.
The coming of age is a rite of passage into adulthood, the realm of more meaningful contribution to the world. They say ignorance is bliss, but there is a reason we grow up. If we were always so young and naive, we would never be aware of our limitations, so we may change them for the betterment of ourselves and wider society. When we accept the process of being a human being, we are not alone. In the process of age, we acknowledge the capacity for our lived experience to meaningfully contribute to the developing world.
Each individual has a unique experience which may influence the world, even if so minutely, and the process of age brings with it constant new lessons. The power we hold is in sharing these lessons so that we may help others in their own lives. In this way, it is adults that help make the world better. Most of the great minds and leaders of our kind have been not children, but adults, fully developing.
thinkers who take pride in their age, knowing it gives them wisdom and the lived experience with which they can use as evidence for their findings. Aristotle, the Socratic Greek philosopher, even uttered that the body is most fully developed between the ages of 30 and 35, the mind at about 49. Seemingly, like sweet fruit of the vine, we ripen with age. Of course, occasionally children profoundly influence the world too. Malala Yousafzai, Greta Thunberg, and many others.
others should be thanked and not forgotten. But the majority of those who meaningfully contribute to and hence change the world are those who have exceeded the age of adolescence. Therefore as adults we ought to be open to the process of age and the lessons, wisdom and maturity that come with it so that we may in turn offer these back to the world to contribute to its growth. Children and their innocent minds are incredibly important to our society in that they remind us of the goodness of humanity and the innocence and ignorance of our own existence, but every individual grows up, unless you are the fictional Benjamin Button who does the reverse.
That is a fact. It is true. We could all benefit from adopting the carefree attitude we once held as a child every once in a while. But the maturity that comes with adulthood is important for us to take our positions as contributors to the society in which we live. My nono teaches me to make light of the world and to enjoy the many gifts it brings, but I have grown to see that the world is not always as simple as this, and this very maturity helps me to navigate a rather complicated existence.
Immediately after reading that, I'm thinking about childhood, maturity, and the whole discussion that I've kind of raised there, which is on point. That's exactly what you want your reader to do when you finish an essay. It should just be a nice read, should raise some interesting points.
They don't necessarily have to agree with everything that you're saying because it's just one perspective, one opinion that you are putting forward. As long as you acknowledge the other side, which I've done in a few sentences, I would say that's a pretty wholesome essay. That's everything that they're looking for. My first impressions after reading that again are that that essay shows quite good maturity. It's definitely not coming from someone who's immature.
It's coming from someone who's trying to grow up and trying to be more mature, not to toot my own horn so much. I've incorporated a nice narrative with also points about wider society, philosophy, history, that sort of thing that tie together to make a really nice holistic essay. I think that that's why the marker gave this one an 87 because it ticks a lot of the boxes that the markers are looking for in your essays. You want it to show empathy, maturity, intelligence, and a capacity for understanding a complex world.
Alright, so on to the analysis. First, we're going to look at the structure. Now, I want you guys to know that I took this structure from Michael John Sunderland at 90 plus GAMSAT. He is someone who scored 91 in section 2 of the GAMSAT, which is the highest score ever. I'll link all that stuff below again, but just so you know, I didn't come up with this structure myself.
I've tweaked it here and there, the root of it really does come from Michael, so thank you so much Michael for your help. Alright, so the overall structure that I use for my task B essays goes anecdote in a narrative style, impact on self and others, relation to society, philosophy, psychology or history, and then conclusion. So four paragraphs all up.
If we look at the first paragraph, which is my anecdote paragraph, you can really tell that I've used a narrative style to try and draw the reader in and capture their attention straight into the essay and that I'm starting to tell an anecdote. Now with the structure of your anecdote paragraph, start it with a nice hook, which is your first sentence at the beginning of a paragraph that is short and punchy and draws the reader in straight away. So you can see my hook in this paragraph is My nono is turning 21 again this year, or so he likes to tell us.
That's a really short sentence that gets straight to the point, and it includes a little bit of humor as well, so that I'm already starting to show the marker of my personality, and I'm introducing a relaxed kind of humorous tone that's allowing them to be like, okay, I'm gonna take a little step back, sit back in my seat, and enjoy the ride that this rider is about to tell me. Then after that, you can pretty much take it however you want to. Use some narrative and literary techniques to tell your story.
But you basically just want to pick a story that delivers the message that you are trying to tell. So whatever your point is, in this situation, my point is I'm discussing living in the mind of a child as an adult. And I'm using my nono to illustrate that as an example. The next few sentences, I really just tell the story of my nono.
And I'm telling a story. in a way that the reader is going to enjoy. They might be able to see some of their own life in it or they just really get to know me, which is the point of this essay.
Kind of just giving some insight into my soul, how I live, my lived experience, and how I see the world. Through this paragraph as well I'm really including some human personality, like the bit that says, to the point that I couldn't even tell you how old he really is turning this year. That's exaggerating my point, a little bit of hyperbole which is hopefully well received.
I include some quite visceral sentences with quite clear imagery like his question is usually followed by a loud belly laugh. In that sentence you can really just imagine an old man sitting back in his chair and laughing at himself with a deep belly laugh like quite Santa Claus like. So paint the image for the market to see what you're seeing so that they can enjoy reading your essay.
Then towards the end of the paragraph I kind of start leading towards my thesis. prioritizing joy, optimism, risk-taking, and ignoring the downsides of life. I could have probably included a word about childhood and how he lives in the mind of a child, but I go into that in my next paragraph, so that's really okay. The point of your family... First paragraph is to paint the picture for the reader about the topic that you're about to discuss using an anecdote from your own life.
If you think about it, you can probably come up with one for any theme and any prompts. It might be a little bit harder for some. prompts but if you dig deep you probably have a memory that you can hash out and exaggerate a little bit and just draw from it what you need to to deliver an anecdote like that.
Okay so moving on to paragraph number two in this one we're really focusing on the impact that this anecdote has had on yourself and how it impacts others. In this essay I've actually chosen to split that up those ideas up into two paragraphs then I start to talk about me and why I'm bringing up my nono in this sense. So this attitude has entranced me forever so long and has consumed my thoughts on more occasions than one.
So now we know I'm about to talk about the meaning that it has had for me and I use a nice hypothetical question here is ignorance really bliss? You can tell that this is actually starting to get to me and I want to get to the bottom of this? Is ignorance really bliss?
Because we've all heard that saying before, at least I've heard it a lot of times, and that's something I want to discuss. And I ask another question, can we indeed live righteously if we adopt the mind of a child? Now we know what I'm exactly talking about, and I would say that's actually kind of my thesis.
My thesis is that I'm questioning if we can live righteously, whatever that means, morally perhaps. maturely if we adopt the mind of a child and that's the point that I'm going to be addressing. Then now we know why I've brought up my nono. I say I often analyze my nono when pondering these questions.
Perfect. So I'm bringing back the anecdote in and I'm weaving that in with my thesis and the topic that I want to discuss. So I'm now we know that I'm going to analyze that topic using an example out of my nono.
I show some empathy by saying I understand why he chooses to live his life this way. I say I also occasionally miss the innocence of childhood, the land, of dreams. You can see that I really mean that and I'm really trying to empathize with his way of living.
That's important to do because I'm not completely shutting down his way of living. I'm respecting his way of living by empathizing with it and saying, I do that too sometimes. I feel that way as well. That's what showing empathy is.
It's saying, I feel the way that you feel. I see what you're feeling. I understand what you're feeling because I experience it too sometimes. Then I show a bit of reflection from the altitude of my growing maturity, which is one of the things I also learned from Michael, which is to say, you know, this is my point now, but maybe I'll even believe something else when I get more mature and I continue to grow up. Recognizing that this is where you were once as a child.
This is what you used to believe. This is what you believe now as a more mature adult. Even then, this is probably going to change because you'll get to the next point. You'll be even more mature, even more grown up, and you'll have different opinions.
Then I start to deliver my point, which is. that there are risks in living the mind of a child and that leads me on to my next paragraph which is the impact it has on other people if you want you can make this paragraph about the impact of your idea on other people and why you think it's important the idea that you're trying to explain why that's important on other people but in this case i've decided to explain further my point which actually feels quite necessary so sorry to deviate from the plan but I'll just talk a little bit about why I chose to do that instead. So in this paragraph, I go, I say this in essence is the benefit of growing up, aging time and change are necessary for us to mature and grow and to surpass the flaws of our unconditioned younger selves. So now I'm kind of talking about the concept of age, the concept of growing up and the mindset of a child. So it's not necessarily the impact on other people. I'm actually kind of talking about the impact of this concept on everyone as individuals.
So I'm trying to bring home the idea and I'm really arguing for my point now. This paragraph doesn't actually have a lot of structure in itself but it's just acting as a few sentences which are delivering my point. Yeah some might say that this structure is a little bit out of whack but say what you will.
Ultimately though you can use whatever structure you want so if you're writing this and it just feels right to write that paragraph like that then feel free to you know go with your gut okay so we move on to the third paragraph which is how this relates to wider society or history or politics or philosophy psychology whatever you want to do but how it relates to the wider world and the importance of your discussion about this topic so in this context i'm talking about why it's important that we actually grow up and the importance of aging the importance of maturity as an adult instead of living in the mind of a child on wider society. And I say exactly why that is in the first sentence. You know, when we accept the process of age, we acknowledge the capacity for our lived experience to meaningfully contribute to the developing world. Now that's the point that I'm trying to make.
That's exactly how it impacts why. society. This paragraph you can tell that I'm actually kind of using the peel structure, the argumentative paragraph structure, which is point, example, explain or evaluate and then linking sentence and I've done that here because I I've brought in my example and I've explained it and everything because with this paragraph you're really just trying to deliver your point using an example and the best paragraph structure that you can use for that is an argumentative style structure. Pedal, peel, peel with an a whatever you think might work for you but in this case I've used peel. So then I go on to explain or give some context into saying that the power is the power that we hold is in sharing the lessons that we learn with age so that we may help others in their own way.
own lives. That's the point, is that adults help make the world better. Then I bring in an example and I use Aristotle and a quote from him.
The body is most fully developed between the age of 30 and 35, which, you know, one could disagree or agree with, but that's his perspective. And the mind at about 49, again, could disagree or agree. It's probably different in ancient Greece.
Now we live a lot longer than they did then. So you could extend that even more. And I could have gone into that more definitely, because instead of really analyzing that quote.
and going into depth and explaining it like I probably should have, I kind of just acknowledge it, give it the nod and move on. I say seemingly like sweet fruit of the vine we ripen with age. So I'm just, in this situation, I've just decided to agree with him.
But looking back on it, I probably could have analyzed that a little bit more and done the whole example explain thing to try and bring my idea home. But you know, it is what it is. An essay could always be better. Then I acknowledge the counter argument.
Remember, that's really important because it shows depth of awareness, empathy, critical thinking skills. So I bring in the fact that children also contribute to the world. Malala Yousafzai, Greta Thunberg as examples.
And then I reconfirm my argument, but the majority of those who meaningfully contribute to the world and hence change it are those who have exceeded the age of adolescence. I probably could have also gone into more detail, which I said later that children are important because they remind us of the goodness of humanity and the innocence and ignorance of our parents. our own existence but i've just gone with that one simple sentence about how children also contribute to the world then i do my linking sentence as adults we ought to be open to the process of age and the lessons wisdoms and maturity that come with it that's my linking back to what the point is that i've just discussed and then linking forward so that we may in turn offer these back to the world to contribute to its growth so that leads on nicely into my conclusion where i'm going to discuss how we should use this to contribute to the growth of the world and the betterment of society, which will finish it off nicely. Okay, so finally moving on to the conclusion. This one is just going to read like your normal expository conclusion, your task A conclusion.
If you don't know what kind of paragraph structure to use for that, I go into it in my task A video. I ultimately just restate my arguments, talk about the limitations of my perspective, discuss the importance for society, and then link it back to the anecdote. So it's slightly different from task A, but only with the anecdote bit. I acknowledge the other side.
here and I say children are important to our society we could all benefit from adopting the carefree attitude we once held as a child every once in a while then I acknowledge my argument but the maturity that comes with adulthood is important for us to take our positions as contributors to the society in which we live so I've restated my argument and I've discussed the importance for society all in like two three sentences then the last sentence is my favorite kind of sentence which is linking back to the anecdote this kind of technique was really well received by all the markers that I did it for. Linking back to the anecdote once you've delivered this big essay about a big concept, it really brings the essay home because it reminds the reader of, you know, where we began with the essay and the simplicity that this complex idea actually comes down to and why you're arguing for it because it has a relation to your own life and has a link to that anecdote that you brought up in the beginning. It really kind of like ties that nice bow, puts a cherry on top of your essay.
So I would encourage you... to use that in your own reflective essays. So in this one I say, my nono teaches me to make light of the world and to enjoy the many gifts it brings. So I'm acknowledging his point of view and the positive that I see in him and his way of living, but I've grown to see that the world is not always as simple as this.
I'm acknowledging that although I see my nono's point of view, I'm deciding to go a different way with my own life. I'm stepping aside from his perspective on life and choosing my own path, which again shows maturity, it shows uniqueness. It shows authenticity. It shows that you are trying to be your own person and that's what they want to see. They want to see who you want to become.
Then I finish it off and I say, and this very maturity helps me to navigate a rather complicated existence. That's quite a simple nice way to finish that off it links back to the points I was kind of discussing about how the maturity of adulthood can help us navigate solve problems and contribute to the society in which we live in a way that sounds quite nice as well and I think that that that's one of the strongest sentences in the essay because it leaves a good taste in the reader's mouth. It leaves them with an idea to take away in their own lives that may influence them to change or be better or maybe to go a different way if they disagree with it but that's okay because it's got them thinking and that's the point of the essay.
So overall I think that was a really nice essay. I hope you agree you don't have to that's okay as well maybe you didn't like it maybe you disagreed with what I was saying that's okay that's the point of them you know that I would. want you to disagree with me. I want you to start thinking about what you think about the topics that I'm talking about because that's the point of it. To get me thinking and to get you thinking and to get the marker thinking.
They want to see that you can think. So it's good. Criticize what I've been writing. Criticize what you've been writing.
It'll make you better. You know there are many positives and negatives about this essay that you could probably come up with. If you want chuck them in the comments below. I'd love to hear them and maybe we can start a discussion on what makes a good essay. what makes a bad essay, what you think of this essay, what you think of your own essays, and how you think you need to improve.
If you analyze your own essays in this way, as well, it's really going to help you improve. So I encourage you to do that. Keep digging deep with your essays.
Keep diving into how you can make them better and what you're actually trying to say with them. Don't just give them a perfectly structured essay because that's what you think they want to hear. Speak from the heart. Tell them what you think.
Tell them what you feel about situations in life. Why you think... that you're going to make a good doctor through a nice subtle way, a nice subtle story, and your own lived experience, because that counts. Everybody's lived experience is different. All of our experiences have the opportunity for us to contribute to the world in a meaningful way.
I've just tied that into my essay again. My linking skills are off the charts. All right, well, that's all I've got for you guys today.
I hope you guys got something from that. I hope that you, you know, maybe got some tips for your structure or your tone in your essays. If you do like this kind of style, I encourage you to explore it a little bit more.
If you don't like this style, try some other things and let me know how you go with them. And if you guys want to send me your essays so I can have a look at them and mark them and stuff, I'd be happy to. So get in contact with me.
You can jump onto my website, which will be in the description below. You can message me on Instagram if you have any further questions and stuff. Happy to answer them and help you guys if I can in any way.
But I really hope you guys enjoyed this video and found some value in it and we'll take some of my tips and tricks away with you so that you can also so hopefully do really well in section two of the GAMSAT. Thanks so much for watching, guys, and I will see you very soon.