[Music] Chris Ponto welcome to the show man long time coming I we proba already said it but thanks for and and you're so tolerant man that was so cool that you were willing to wait and then just hey I'm going to be in town and I hope you didn't have to bump anybody if you did sorry guys but just you you've always been a standup guy with me there I appreciate that it's really cool you thanks bud oh my pleasure I'm just happy you're here and I uh extremely patient so there aren't many standup guys in in there in the world and even coming out of our community anymore in this public figure world so it's nice to still find a few out there like yourself I try to be but I'm not always a stand up guy that's why oh I'm sure you are talk to my wife man I need to bring you home talk to my wife about how nice and reasonable I am cuz I don't get that respect at home man well I want to do a life story on you yeah you know and um obviously talk a lot about Benghazi and what you're doing now but we're going to cover the full spectrum here and um so everybody starts off with an introduction are you going to read don't make me feel like a pretentious [ __ ] Oh no you're good everybody gets one Chris Ponto former Army Ranger second Battalion 75th regiment your spond to the Benghazi 2012 attack you're the author of the Ranger way and the Patriots Creed co-author of 13 hours the inside account of what really happened in Benghazi your motivational and public speaker and the co-host on Battle line podcast yeah you're the founder of the 14th hour F Foundation owner of battal line tactical and co-owner of Tanto vodka yeah you're the host of a pro-military documentary series war heroes you co-founded E3 Firearms Association and you're the father you're a father husband and a Christian that's the most important there at the bottom you could have cut out everything else and just read that at the bottom and I would have been perfectly happy but that right there just tells everybody what a great man you are I appre thank you and thanks man thanks this was cool you to say app you're welcome what is the E3 Firearms Association you know and we it's it's so difficult I don't know if you know Adam paint shot Adam was a Sig fire instru he started Sig Academy okay Trooper in New Hampshire um it is a training website uh it has been so difficult though to get that thing off the ground it was just run into roadblock after roadblock uh because of Google CU hey and if you don't think there's state run media and state run um state run Internet web there is if you have to be dumb in a bag of hammers to not see that out there but it it's it's we've tried to get it going there's a lot of training materials on their videos out there um and uh you know you get sponsorships to come to battle line tackle courses if you're a member you come to my courses for free oh wow I mean it's just it's so is it an online trainingat it's an online training platform but it's a paid online training how many how many lessons are on there oh man I know just hit pocket training stuff before I'll just jump on and do a 10-minute video we've got to have 50 or 60 videos on oh right on and Adam's a wonderful wonderful instructor he is I am the Lucy goosey hey man let's just go out and shoot I'm going to give you some lessons Adam is which is which is great it's a great dynamic because he you you do there are people that respond to that kind of training better the by the book lesson by where some guys respond to just tell me what I need to do this is what you need to do but you know it's it's been we we've had it going for a few years now and it's just always imp trying to improve the website get that flowing um it's E3 do and it's a whole association so it's not just Firearms there's camping it's outdoor oh wow camping Aviation John rain Waters runs the aviation side of it um you know rving off-roading and I say I so I tell the E3 owner his name's uh Brian Brian Brian Johnson um I tell him yeah Farms is like the redhead stepchild of e3 E3 cuz all those are cruising and ours is just it's it's been very difficult and and I get it too cuz you know it's a paid website where there's a lot of YouTube Sensations out there that are showing training and you can get that for free yeah so it is and it's I I won't do the the free video stuff and and the reason being it's not a money thing it really is you you really don't have any control of who those videos are going to and where do I get that from well I I spoke at an FBI Academy conference which had a lot of Law Enforcement Officers a lot of former FBI trainers and I sat down with them and they're great guys you know of course it's not all formal functions I'm with a bunch of cops man so of course we're going to go to the bar a little bit and enjoy enjoy have some food and but I I remember coming back and I sat with one of the officers and he goes you know you've had Don ship Leon I know he goes you know I watched John's videos but now it's starting to bother me a lot of these videos out there cuz they're teaching all these tactics and they don't know they have no control of who's getting them and the Dallas uh police off Dallas chief of police came in and they had that tactical shooting where some officers died and he was one of the speakers at that event as well and it kind of hit home to me I was like man he's exactly right we're putting all these videos and God bless him I have nothing wrong to say about I don't know Don we've never met I support what he does I think you know he's a from what I've seen he looks like he's a standup guy and I'm just throwing that as example because that's what the law enforcement officer said the police he's from Philadelphia he's like we just you know we're really we're really getting not upset but he says we're really worried that the bad guys are starting to watch these videos out there well I mean there's a caveat to that too you know I mean what the are people supposed to do we've defunded the police the border is wide open yeah they are actively sending $887 million a week to the tal sorry man you know what I mean but people have to be able to defend themselves and that's where they go to do it and they go and and so and that stuff's out there no matter what and that's where it's just it's it's where I can at least have some control though and you know what I mean I mean people are I 100% get your point and it didn't make he said it too yeah till he said there is context there's a things aren't the same as they used to me the people it's dangerous out there I mean Chicago is the murder capital of the country and more people are dying there than they did in Iraq and Afghanistan and it's no shock that that is one of my most I've arranged with the Chicago cop OD defense Daniel Lumbard tremendous guy we've got a range called the compound I don't think that's any coincidence that the major that are those are the biggest classes that I will have when I teach out there at the compound in Creek Illinois it's run by Daniel Lumbard divide defense is his training company but he's a he's a lead Farm instructor for the Chicago PD he's getting older now so he's off the street now he's teaching but but you're right it's just this where where do I find some responsibility and again I never thought of it that way until I talked to I was like you know he's he's got a point so I'm not going to stop doing videos don't came no that's not going to happen but where can I at least have some control I'm not going to stop teaching tactics with my classes well T you're hypocrite no I at least have some control I know who I'm teaching I at least have something and if and have we turned students away when I couldn't verify what they could carry criminal yeah we have I've done that so I'm not ever going to tell guys to stop teaching tactics and it's an outlet for us too it's therapeutic for us but I I would just say after talking to that police officer then getting back to the E3 stuff being a paid website I don't have a problem with it being paid because we have some control of at least who the members are and who's watching and if it's somebody that maybe is a criminal shouldn't be huning a weapon we have some little control that we can all right I'm I can't stop from learning from other guys but you're out like we can't teach anymore but getting back to the E3 again it has been a upoad uphill climb with it because it is a paid website and you can get the training for free on YouTube or Instagram and but you know from tactics are tactics are tactics shooting is fundamentals there is no secret sauce there's no Jedi mind trick you're not going to I'm not going to be teaching you how to use the force the way I shoot you can go watch another shooter and you're going to get the same stuff it it's just a presentation who do you like what what resonates with you so yeah E3 has been good and I think it's wonderful because we're part of an outdoor or tell them hey go go do something and fire shooting is outdoor shooting is relaxing at least in my opinion shooting is you're outside in the fresh air or you're at least doing something active it's a sport it really is I mean [ __ ] you have you have the competitions the usca you have all those the tag games it's a sport now and it should be like that the reason I'm getting in why I talk about it and the paid and not paid is is really and why I don't do more unpaid YouTube videos online I don't I don't do that that's why I don't and is because I don't have control of who's watching it and and it was that conversation with that Philadelphia police officer and then listening to he spoke before I spoke the Dallas chief of police and not he wasn't condemning it at all he's just saying this guy knew what he was doing he had some tactics and say know what he was doing he knew how to pie yeah he knew how to he knew how to Edge a corner well Chris before we get to deep into the interview everybody gets a gift oh no man you're all gifted nothing but Hospitality oh man they're gummies that's right those are legal in all 50 states fortunately or maybe unfortunately for you I don't know but they are made here in the USA oh that's what and uh yeah so there you go some vigilance League gummy those are hard to come by by the way and this is actually this is going on my side by side when I get home right on it'll be at the range man and thank you thank so much and uh do you we need to bring manufacturing back to this country man the only thing we manufacture now is drama and freaking political [ __ ] that's right there more manufacturing thank you man you're welcome one last thing yeah yeah before we get in I got a patreon account they are my top supporters have been here with me since the beginning and um they're the reason I'm here and you're here so uh one of the things I do is I give them the opportunity to ask each guest a question uhoh and so this one is from moose what's up moose what was it like for you to see the Obama Administration blatantly lie about something you saw firsthand blame the attack on something unrelated and refused to call it a terrorist attack how did it feel to be on the ground at the annex and realize that help was not coming let's do one question first well let's go first first with the help not coming and that's we'll just go on a timeline there we can skip that we'll do that we'll do that okay so give me give me number cuz the feeling what was it like for you to see the Obama Administration blatantly lie about something you saw I mean I can tell watch uh Fox and Friends the last last uh interview I ever did on Fox and Friends with Pete hex it was back in 2014 or 15 where he would somebody caught him on a cell phone uh it was either at laa or one of those one of those liberal colleges there in Chicago I I can't remember which one and he said Benghazi was a conspiracy he didn't know he was being filmed and of course they threw it on the TV it's at 6:00 in the morning I was just I was in actually in Springfield I was going to go speak at a uh an event that was sponsored by the guy that owns Bass Pro so I was staying out up the Bass Pro Resort up there and um told Pete I couldn't be there I said I got to zoom in so I zoomed in at 6:00 a.m. and you I'm half asleep I've been this was my fifth speaking event in like 7 days just spent and pissed me off why would it of course it pissed me I mean all those lines continually it was angry it made me full of hate and what did I say you can watch it it's out there on YouTube somewhere I'm sure um he said what did you feel after you watched Benghazi called it conspiracy and I said well Pete I said I wanted to reach through the TV and I wanted to choke his ass I wanted to choke him out and Pete his eyes got big he goes you yeah probably don't want to be threatening his former US president I said Peter you asked me that was my last ever fox interview actually I ever did and I did get visited by the Secret Service two weeks later luckily I knew the guys they showed up at my house like Chris we we got to be here you're threaten a president on national TV and uh but if that tells you my anger right there I mean who without even thinking skipping a beat and it wasn't to create uh it wasn't to troll accounts it wasn't to do clickbait it was an immediate reaction as soon as I saw it it was like that mother and I didn't want to kill it I'm let's get in the ring I'm put you in a lock and let's see how you feel man that's what I felt so of course I was angry I was angry for a lot of years and I think if you watch even there's speeches that I've done out there I still do corporate talks I just did you know that's why I'm in Nashville and do your show and I did a talk at the at the Gaylord there um in the early days the speeches were very very angry because nobody was being held accountable mhm and there were people that were calling us liars and there were and that's that's hard to it's hard to be called a liar guys when I saw ran and I was shooting over their heads when that last those three mortars through a fire for effect hit right on top of building SE the fifth attack that night and I was shooting and it wasn't the movie showed his daytime it was actually uh it was um uh before morning nautical twilight you know was right before the you know you know what that is your viewers can Google that it's right before the sun comes up so it's still dark so my night vision was still on my 15s were on and um remember the first one hit blew up on the back side of building he was right over the top R spun he went cylic on that Bel fed which was pretty freaking awesome cuz all I'm seeing is a laser beam as he turns and they're coming to attack us through the through the Sheep slaughterhouse herea I put a few is over his head cuz I want to get in the fight even though I can't see that because I'm I'm back behind them on building a he's on Building C Dave Dave uben shoots Roz is up there he shoots bub is up there he's shooting so I'm seeing all this far shooting I'm thinking [ __ ] mortar's this way they got to be bringing that whole Force following those mortars in so I turn around make sure nobody's coming nobody's there come back two more shots I see one hit directly right on top that vision goes completely white you know his over abundance like white as comes back I saw four and now there's three so guy disappeared and I can hear him screaming even in all that I can still hear him it was Dave I didn't know it at the time but it was uben just Shar it sheared his leg off sheared his arm they were hanging so not completely gone but he's legs this way Arms This Way how do I know that TIG got up there when he saw Dave TIG told me what his arm his arms or legs look like take a few more shots cuz what can you do we're still getting attacked we're in the middle of a fight you know it is you don't you can't stop fighting what am I to run off my building and go help he's got three guys up there I got to keep fighting I got my sector behind me I got to take I turn around I come back they're still shooting I took two more shots and then I saw boom boom boom if you've been in artillery you call for fire and you know what that is that's far for effect they're right where they want to hit night vision goes white and as it comes back all I see is the pixie dust it got quiet it got silent really weird I thought they were going to keep coming and uh all I saw was the charged particles cuz you know blow up explosion the debris of the Dust gets either heated or charged and it looks like it does it looks like pixie dust coming down with those more uh with my night vision starts to come back and refocus from the the white light and they're all gone and it it my brain my brain said your team just got turned to dust it's like ho I mean it was it was it was and it maybe it felt like longer than what it was it was only a few seconds but I put my head down and I remember thinking and it was the one time negatively I thought that every other time and there was negative things happen that was the one time where it was like that holy [ __ ] we might lose this and I said man we can't beat this I'm thinking to myself we don't have any air support they're going to [ __ ] keep hammering us and you know God God God was there all night man and God kicked me in my ass and said get your gun up Ranger and I know people are going oh [ __ ] that's no making no that's what happened what do you mean God kicked you in the ass and said get up quit whining quit feeling like a victim so you is that a feeling you got is that a voice you heard voice in the back of my head right there I still feel it I don't get chills and maybe it was my mom saying it you but it was to me it was that voice of God was something saying we don't quit you don't quit Get Your Gun up keep fighting I said get your gun up Ranger that's what I heard and that's being a ranger too and that's what Rangers are when you're at the 75th Get Your Gun Up Get Your Gun up you're not quitting keep fighting keep pressing through you learn that from rip which is option 40 now a rasp now you learn that throughout that's what's instilled in you Rangers before you what they do in Vietnam the hunter killer teams they ran towards the fight what they do when they jumped into rioo they ran towards the fight there's no cover they shot their way off the off the Earth the tarmac and Grenada what' they do they ran towards the fight now get your gun up Ranger even though I'm excited for the new Administration there's a lot of tension in the world Russia Ukraine the Border inflation who knows what could happen next me I'm not waiting around to find out and I don't think you should either look it's simple I want you to go to shaikes gold.com you'll learn about my partners over at goldco they're a great precious metals company that I trust they're one of the 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well-qualified borrowers call 866 781 8900 for details about credit cost and terms why and so why am I so angry because when somebody calls it conspiracy and I watched I watched WR I watched ran and Bub and Dave and do at the time I thought all I watched them evaporate that's what I my brain like holy [ __ ] those guys are they they're gone I've seen death before but have you ever saw where your friends just like they're there and they're not so when he said it was a conspiracy it's like hell yeah I was pissed off and I was pissed off for many many years and it it did hurt a lot of relation hurt my relationship with my wife my kids at the time um so d That's I mean it's a great question but it also points to how how irresponsible politicians are with their words yeah and and how they they don't give a [ __ ] and him especially you know Hillary got what she deserved she wasn't president she was humiliated she lost is she going to get more yeah she's going to get more when she when she stands before her make her with God God's going to judge her and I hope he judges her and he's going to it's going to judge her well how she should Obama's the one that got over scottf free he was the commander-in-chief come on man who's supposed to help get people to us is it Hillary and state department granted she was hugely responsible so was Leon Panetta General ham could have done something but who was the commander-in chief who was General ham he was the he was the euro comp Commander he was the one that and for everybody knows Leon Panetta was director of CIA at the time at the time and then he went to the se you know became SE Def and all that but actually um but um you know he could have done something too and uh but Obama is the one that really is the one that's held respon should have been held responsible for it all you know and also with the rhetoric Al-Qaeda remember people forget that what was his platform at the time Al-Qaeda was on the Run terrorism is dead he knew it wasn't that's who attacked us you you had siron she knows it better than anybody who was the one that masterminded that zaah Hari what he's number two alqaeda so brother the the guy that got away with it and then continued to try to press a narrative which we see happen I got a question I don't want to get too I wasn't expecting to get this deep I'm that's just me man I I go down rabbit H all the time what I want to ask though is is I can see I can see the rage returning right now it does it come of course it's going to come so what what was the what was the turning point that kind of eased that rage that interview was one because like with Pete ath yeah that because it was it it was the last mainstream interview I ever did was that your terms or theirs mine I said I'm not going to do anymore I I told them I'm done um that was mine I'm not doing that because I got I did get asked two times to go on Tucker and nothing against him I like him I just I'm not doing that because that's what they want to get I started to real that's what they want to get out of me they wanted they know Tel's going to come in and say something that's going to clickbait and going to be pissed off cuz that's how I always was I am very I get I'm animated I'm going to say what's on my mind and if it pisses somebody so what I'm going to tell you how I feel and that's great for Ratings it is um and I but and nothing against I got friends down there Sean's a ni Hannity's a nice guy man you know the uh the the deuces are they're nice people you know Martha mccullum's she nicely treated me very very well there not it just was it was my family and my relationship cuz I got divorced at that time as well so that anger had carried over to where my wife and my kids like we don't want you around anymore your toxicity is here you're just always pissed off you're never happy and we had gotten divorced so when I did that we were actually divorced at that time and it was I got to get myself right cuz so it was it was doing the interviews that brought the rage back I think just reliving it all and not being able to handle it and finding a silver lining to it which there always is a silver lining God gives us a silver lining for everything that we do we just got to find it how do you feel about doing this interview that's I'm good because I'm at peace with it all I don't have a problem getting I know it's going to bring anger out of me but does it make me angry when I leave no I'm going home to see my kids and I want to tell this because I still talk to Tai's mom Cheryl Bennett wonderfully love her I'm she's she I'm her second m i mean she's my second mom and telling this keeps their memories alive where back then it was more of it's about me I need to show you how angry I am I need to show you how pissed off I am I need it was selfish very now it's I'm going tell you because I want people to know that so when they hear a liberal they hear an Obama they heal a Hillary they heal hear a Biden say it was conspiracy I was video a protest they're can say no I know that dude's telling the truth cuz just look how emotionally gets and if of course it's emotional I saw my teammates die they were my friends I me we weren't best friends or nothing but they were still my teammates and they still were my friends and so they tried the powers at be tried to cover it up but that was a turning point somewhat cuz 6 months later I did put a gun in my head we'll get there yeah for starters yeah where did you grow up uh Colorado Alamosa Colorado loved it um grandmother and grandmother grand um my grandmother and grandfather were were immigrants from Mexico my Garcia man my mom's dad's West Texas mom's a Garcia but so we grew up uh we grew up in the you know lower middle class but it was Wonder wonderful childhood Alamos a small little town in the Sanger at Crystal range out there in Southern Colorado and uh then we go to visit my grandmother and grandfather who were Pickers and then they own their own farm so I saw them just a hard work man it was amazing I loved I loved being a Ponto but I also loved being a Garcia I me my middle name is after my grandfather Wen Christian Wen so it was it was awesome and it was just always happy you know always playing I'd play with the wet we call them the wet backs I know that's a that's a that's a uh politically incorrect term but that's what we the migrant workers that would come over work on my grandfather's Farm Webbs man Pickers but I remember going out and that we would play baseball with them when they come from the field uh I remember one actually saved my life I playing hide-and-seek in a back of potato truck and I was running away from my cousin hit a bar that was across the top cracked my head open and I laid there for about 5 minutes before one of them carried me out found me bleed and all over and he carried me out to my grandmother's house I mean it just it was amazing fun it was a rough it was a rough childhood you know was a rough fun spin your knee up ride dirt bikes take your lab out go little hunting with the 22 or or with the with a pallet gun it was wonderful man skin crack your head open once or twice brothers and sisters I have two uh I have a brother and a sister and you know me and my sister we have our issues but we're close it's a close family it's not like there's not any hatred my brother no my brother he's awesome him and I it's one of those relationships though it's like he'll call and all say what's up jackass hey I say yeah what's up douchebag I love you man and two years younger than me we played Sports together growing up and Athletics was huge in the family my dad was a football coach uh NCA football coach so when we were in Alamosa he was the head coach at Adam State and the athletic director then we moved to Brigham Young we moved to Utah because he got a job uh as an assistant at briam University and that was a one hell of an experience you I look back at it now I was like wow I was blessed because that was during their G their glor years so I got to hang around a clubhouse with G McMahon and Steve Young and Robbie BOS and and National Championship team and you know you're taking it for granted you had Lil Edwards who they don't make coaches you know that was like the iconic coaches when coaches were actually coaches and not public figures you know lvll Edwards Paul be Bryant you guys like that what he you know just the old school he was awesome but you know you had Mike holgren there who was the offensive coordinator who later became the coach of the Packers won two Super Bowls um Norm Chow who was he was a legend in the NCA went to USC wow Andy Reid was a graduate assistant there at the time coach so you know I look back like man I was around some cool and you just and all I'm doing I'm a kid running around the clubhouse playing catch with Steve Young going to the schol yes so uh so Sports were big you know and I wanted to play football and I played football um we moved to Oregon State my dad got a job Oregon State and we he it was wonderful there got to be around you know the pack 10 I was a ball boy on the sidelines for the pack 10 that was so fun just being at the games you know and that was that was pack 10 at the time I mean that's Washington uccl USC when they were I mean they're still good I can't but they was it was amazing it was just good good time being around College when I college was College when it wasn't yeah propaganda let protest about everything it was it was College it was PCU man it was where people would make fun of that yeah let's go have a you know so and it was a it was college tals now Bram young was a little different this more and you know there's it's you're not going to find a lot of drink in there but uh and then we he got a job um um in Colorado back in Colorado and uh we moved and uh still he's still coaching at Mesa it's called Colorado it's called Mesa college at the time was called Colorado Mesa University now and uh we moved there and of course being around Sports forever and I my dad was a football player my mom was a pretty good athlete in her own right you know I got some good genes in me and I managed to get a scholarship to play football and I played football for four years at actually I did yeah I I uh yeah I was I I was I was had a good time man so your dad wasn't the coach uh he was the ad at I went to that and to be what does that mean he was the athletic director at that college but um I didn't go there first I I wasn't I was a typical college football player I'd rather drink and party than go to class so my first year at Mesa I flunked out of college and I had to go to a junior college to get my grades up so I could continue to play football so I went to uh it's it was called Dixie at the time because of the wokeness and political correctness now it's called something else but we were called the Dixie Rebels I'm still a Dixie Rebel for all you whatever you call the college now it was awesome that was a wonderful experience because Dixie was like the program where BYU UNLV University of Utah would send all these truants to get their grades up and so we were a football fan I mean we were awesome we were number one in the nation we finished finished number two one year so I'm around there and I'm around gangsters man I'm around the Donner Street Crips I'm around West Coast Bloods Tonga [ __ ] gangsters then you got Farm kids coming from Utah big farm boys and we had this it was such a wonderful experience it was a wonderful to see so many I was out of you know so many people of different backgrounds and nationalities come together for a focus to win games sounds like the military it does and it sounds like you that's why I laugh when I hear all these Dei Pro all this so we had diversity way back then guys and guess what we were called the Dixie Rebels too and not one black dude gave two shits we were proud to be called the rebels that's what we were and I was you know I I wasn't as true I mean they were hardcore I just flunked out of school now you know I I ain't going to lie my ethnicity did help it does he's Mexican dude and they my grandpa yeah it was it it it it allowed me to at least have have a foot in the door where okay we can kind of trust this guy and and stereotypes stereotypes for a reason I have no problem with that um but it was one hell of an experience because we were so good and it was fun playing on a team of so many different characters and what got me is that was back in the day when Bloods and Crips they were you know that was a big deal there's gang violence all the time and there was a guy named Stacy he was a West Coast blood he came from Los Angeles in and then we had a guy named Chucky who was best athletes I've ever seen in my life he was a Donna Street [ __ ] from Vegas and I went to Stacy one day cuz I I didn't get I'm I'm this naive kid from Colorado you know I don't know what I can ask or what I can I say hey how come you guys aren't killing each other you I'm being an IDI should I say that I I'm 19 years old who I what am I saying the right thing and Stacy looks at me and he goes he goes on the streets man yeah he said we would I said I'd shoot that [ __ ] but here I just want to win I was like wow that just makes so much sense wow and that's also when I started going the military and then even GRS a lot of people don't know o and I don't get along we never have I was going to wait till the end of the interview no and I'm sorry I didn't mean to jump to that let's well I mean you brought it up let's do it now I've always I've I mean obviously I've been following you guys I mean we were in the same profession of course yeah and I remember after it happened you guys you know you did the book movie came out lots of speaking events I thought you guys used to speak together we had to yeah and then it seemed like everything kind of I mean look what happened why don't you guys get along well it's just personalities they're nothing O is a wonderful wonderful person he is in his own right it's just personalities very I'm very outspoken whenever we do speeches or things like that he always wanted to kind of play like the politician I got to make both sides out I was like screw this say what happened so we had went at odds but even when we were down range it just was personalities man it just was you just there's just some guys you don't get along did you guys butd heads before Benghazi it's the first place we worked at together I'd never worked them before that was the first first base that I worked with Oz at in immediately budded heads it's just one of those bases where you know the guy come a guy comes in and you're man we just don't driive he doesn't he doesn't like my Jack ashery I don't like him being so damn uptight but we were both professional enough and this is this is a Kudo to ran as well ran really was our was our team leader we had an official team leader Ron was our assistant team leader we had a you know we had a staffer that was our team leader but Ron is who we listen to the staffer we never listened to isn't it funny how that's like the common theme well when you don't hold the every JS team that the staffer is always the weakest link you don't hold them to the same standard then they're always going to be they get mad at me when I say this stuff tough [ __ ] dude there it's the truth I mean I can count good Stafford and I'll tell the St there are some that but the majority of the good staffers were the ones that had the same background we'll get into this later but anyway yeah with with o it it was nothing where and it wasn't a hatred it just was we don't like each other man yeah yeah and you get to an age at 42 at that point where maybe in the early days in our 30s maybe we would have F you Fu just but it wasn't like that it was just you're you're I'm 40 he's 45 I'm 42 it's like there's no reason to create any more drama deal with each other how we need to just win because I still kept going to my head what Stacy said to me about the Crips and the Bloods we just want to win let's put the differences aside so we can win the focus and that's that's that's also wrong keeping on hey what's the what's the main focus here guys everybody goes home put your stupid differences aside shut the hell up and do your jobs you got your right and left limits you got your right and left limits and we stayed within those and it wasn't like a man you're a de it wasn't like that it was just you know you're in a room you're just in a room with somebody that you just don't get along with so you stay in there as long as you can and then you get out and you go do your thing and you'll go to his thing it is a lot more difficult cuz you've been on a lot of those bases doing this where you're on top of each other so it's harder to get away get away but we did you know and you know and Rowan wasn't dumb enough to put us rooming together in the same room you know it was one of those things let's let's make it as as possible and there you always at least at that point in time because of my age and experience and I think this is important for everybody even if people you don't like you find things that you can respect about them and I do again I he's tough as Nails the dude got hit with a mortar and tried to get up and shoot I saw him I told told you in the beginning I saw a guy get up and try to shoot after that Mor mortar stopped and he the gun kept falling cuz he would get up and he shoot and I'd see the rounds well his arm he hadn't realized his arm had gotone F so when you watch 13 hours and you see him getting up like that that happened that wasn't movie Magic that happened so do I respect his toughness hell yeah and he said one of the coolest things i' ever heard in my life when we drove to the airport he's bleeding out his arms about coming off we wanted to help get him on that plane that executive Jet and he said this and I'll give him crudos for it cuz it was some Clint Eastwood [ __ ] he goes I walked into this country I'm walking out that wasn't a movie Magic that wasn't a line written and he said that and I remember what I heard I was like all right a may not get along but that's some cool ass [ __ ] right there and and and so you cannot get along that's fine but you still find ways to respect each other and work together because the goal is to win and I kept thinking about Stacy the West Coast blood the most intellectual wise thing I heard was from a 20-year-old gangster from Los Angeles we just want to win it's that simple and I think that's why when I talk to corporations I tell that's part of my speech just win you that that's the goal let's win yeah put the differences aside and uh that's why also when we were out doing are speaking and you're seeing us on TV all right we got to put on a United front here we're stronger together and because there wasn't hatred there it just was a dislike just didn't like didn't care our personalities just didn't mesh it wasn't that hard to go in there and do an interview together and Oz had great things to say because he was there he saw things that I didn't that helped expose the BS because we were in different spots the whole time um let's let's move back to yeah kind of gr up we're past CH we're past childhood I want to get to this but I want it to all be in one piece if that's okay yeah no no no no you're good and so what so your football football got College what got your interest in the military U God just path when you're short and you're slow you're not going to go to the next level and I was I was really short and but I was super slow so the NFL didn't come knocking at my door so I I remember I I was just walking through the Student Union building there at Colorado Mesa at Mesa college was called the time and you know at the graduation there's job fairs at these colleges if you go to college you are going to see a job fair and I'm walking through and um all these jobs are but of course who's there with all the all the occupations all the corporations the vultures are over there in the corner the Army recruiter the marine recruiter the Navy recruiter the Air Force recruiter and you know long story short on on that one which is not going to be the theme here but they yelled they said hey you I was the stupid enough one to look in that direction I walked over there they said hey uh what are you going to do after and you know I had thought about FBI I had thought about federal police every time I went to apply for one I'd get a call hey you need experience you got to go become a police officer you got to go endure uh you got to go to the military you got and police just didn't sound fun to me um so I walked over there I saw the ranger video I saw the recruiting video which was a 75th Ranger video so they're jumping out of planes fast roping they showed me the seal challenge video the Navy guy did so I'm watching the Hilo cast and I'm watching the low cast I'm seeing all the cool stuff MH you know the Marines they're landing on the beach um you know the Recon there's so many recon guys uh the Air Force One I always make this a joke I say I saw the Air Force One and you know they were in a air conditioned room nice comfortable with good food now they're sh me the Jets and things and I just thought the Rangers was was the best one for me and so I said signed up I signed up I enlisted right there after I got my bachelor's degree no kidding and uh yeah 30 days later I'm off to Fort Benning and um did that you literally signed up right there at the job and the scariest thing did [ __ ] talk about an Impulse like like I was like what am I going to do and you know I had well FBI they said military and I do remember telling the recruiter I asked him I go is that hard he goes yeah I go do people quit he goes yeah all right let's do it and um so move on and we go to Fort Benning Georgia and uh it it did I was like a a a round Peg and a round hole I just fit you know I was I went to uh it was Sand Hill at the time it was Echo company 258 called the house of pain that was like supposed to be the hardest one there but come on they're all the hardest every if PR basic training Depot is the hardest one but um The Stingers Honor Graduate I did really well I just it just fit it just made you know it's physically fit I got the the Athletics completely prepped me for it you know the teamwork aspect of it you just had to get used to the yelling and they were still smacking us around it was 1995 which if you didn't deserve to get smacked around then you didn't get smacked and that made sense to me it was based on Merit you work your ass it's Merit based you're going to perform you're going to do what you're told we're going to move you up you're going to be a smartass you're going to be lazy you're going to be a fat body no then you don't it's easy it's piece of cake yeah and um went to Airborne school but I was married to my first wife at the time and nothing against she's a wonderful person we just got married way too young just nothing bad to say about her but she was having an affair so I got my jod letter you hey I want a divorce um and it really was hard from there on out Airborne school on out because that wasn't something I ever expected that wasn't something in my family that happened divorce didn't happen to me that wasn't even on my radar yeah and it was wow what this is so I'm fighting Airborne School Airborne school is easy just all you got to do is learn how to fall and break yourself and then jump out of a plane um it was it was memorable there was a memorable thing about Airborne school though that was awesome again God looking out um my first two jumps first day jump and first night jump I was the first one out the door it was so awesome being able to have the door open first jump and I'm watching that was cool it's memorable I and the night jump too I was like how lucky am I to be how did that happen I got lucky to be the first one out the door so you know your door opens you get to watch all that [ __ ] for about 30 seconds before you go but Airborne school then went through rip got through rang rip went second bat and we're there I was there for about eight months and you know you're an un untabbed guy and you've been around Rangers you know for tabbed at ranger battalion we're [ __ ] we're piece we're getting hazed I mean it's just it's miserable you're hiding in your team room on the weekends because you don't want the tab Spec 4 to come in there and smoke your balls and haste the [ __ ] out you so you just like either hide or you take off for the weekend and um but um went on a JRX training Mission at Bragg about eight months in I was at Battalion and the joint redness exercise so we're doing a joint redness exercise with blue green um some PJs and then the Air Force guys at Pope the spec Ops the Spectre and you know and task force was there too nightstalkers were there too so it's a big thing yeah was it was pretty awesome so I mean I'm a private I'm just but I'm fighting this divor I mean I'm my wife's cheating on me you know and it's just killing me did you know who she was cheating no I I mean I at that that first two weeks it was it was a it was a two-e JX the first week I still hadn't figured it out I I was in deny more than anything you know that's no way she's doing that and this is for the aditt and cell phone cell phones are a big thing so to go home to call you had to go actually go to a pay phone so it wasn't like I could call and check all the time like you could now which maybe that would have made it worse maybe this made it better this but I'm a new private I'm around all these tier one guys I'm just holy [ __ ] dude I'm should I you know and when you're a new guy you have that bravado but should I be here you know tab spec fours you got tab Squad leaders tab e5s these guys this is old hat to them I'm like oh my gosh and so the stress levels for me don't [ __ ] up don't [ __ ] up I got two hernas on my first jump too so I'm don't want to tell nobody cuz I got two little aliens going there when we jumped in is it Sicily at Brag I can't remember the the Drop Zone um but anyway it all came to to head and I called home and I sh an answer so I finally called my brother Mike love him I go hey what's going on with Stacy man he goes dude I I I don't want to tell you and as soon as he said that you know I I like crap cuz it was in Den n and I went home on block Leaf cuz it was right after that we're going on block Leaf which right before Christmas and uh I just I went to the guy's house and I hid in his bushes I was going to kill him and I came to my sensus which was great on my end because I got out of there but it was also where I even felt like a bigger failure cuz like man I can't even do this I the biggest [ __ ] in the world but God has God's got me you guys and but of course everybody found out small town Grand Junction Colorado um military found out of course because very lucky I instead of going to jail um I got to go to the VA here in Grand Junction they threw me in the mental War like to check on course so the military so the wheels are turning that I'm going to get so hold on did you get caught um actually I what I did is I went back home I drank myself silly and my friend found me on the floor my Ranger buddy who I joined with that was home two want leave he found me on the floor just I was just drunk and took a bunch of Tylenol and yeah it's just so you tried to kill yourself yeah 1997 six or seven 96 in 96 holy [ __ ] and um yeah it's just one of those things because it is it's you're young you're pissed vinegar you're full of fire you're a ranger dude someone was going to you know but I wasn't ready it just was being young and stupid and and doing stupid things impulsively that young people do especially young guys like yourself and myself were just we're not thinking we're just action first consequences later and um but the military found out and of course they are and we of course we called the commander and the commander found and I had I had wonderful that so blessed first sergeant was Frank grippy Ranger Legend sergeant major grippy [ __ ] you know he was dropping mortars and tubes and an uh in torbo in Anaconda when he was t mountain he was a sergeant major he was my first sergeant and we also had Captain uh Paul a camera who I think he's a three star general now he may have just retired but he was my CEO and they I mean I wasn't going to stay in there's no way I could stay in but I managed to get an honorable discharge and I didn't I didn't deserve it so I only finished two years out of my first four-year contract well how long did it uh take you to snap out of that well I I went home it took me two years well I had two years I have a choice the uh real you got out let me sorry yeah yeah yeah so you left I left the Army you left the Army at the end of 1996 at the end of 1996 and then went back to your hometown I went back to my hometown and uh was like I can't do this anymore and and what were you doing in your hometown nothing just being miserable you know you're it was it was miserable I was but it was with family you know my my mom's there my dad's there my brothers are there so I'm surrounded by family my friends are still there cuz I just really been two years out of college I still had guys i' played football with that are still finishing up and I had a buddy of mine named Brian Edwards he goes did you look like [ __ ] and I moved in with them I I hung out with my buddies you know my parents were there but I I moved into a room one of their ex football players they were still playing with my teammates houses and they went on a and I saw recommend everybody to do when you go through divorce I went to South par Island for spring break spring break he goes what happened there Chris she's like dude you look miserable we're going to spring break come on get in the car we're going I was like okay we went and I went to South paron for spring break and I remember this the Lord I am beon the Lord Works mysterious ways I'm serious it's just so am you I look back at it now I'm like my gosh God really does have control I go there hold on can I can I make a prediction yeah yeah yeah did you meet your current wife there get the [ __ ] out of are you serious [ __ ] I went there hold on hold on long had you been were you a divorced we were divor yeah we well we had been un officially divorced for only about 6 months but we she had tried to divorce me and get rid of me at basic training so it' been so you're like depressed at home yeah drinking yourself to death tried to commit suicide with a bottle of Tylenol and now I'm going like what am I going to now your buddi like we're going to South but I need you to smile again and Brian I love Brian he is he is all he is and he was a he was a a he was a really good football player outstanding wide receiver out there but we go there and this is what's so funny and it's funny but I also I do believe there's cupid is out there cuz we're at Charlie's it's a bar there no it's Louis we're at Louis Lou Louis bar and something and I'm dancing you know and but I'm still jacked I'm a ranger shredded you I'm jacked up shirts off cuz I'm woohoo I'm spring break drinking drinking and all of a sudden the Searing pain all flows down the side of my face and my eyes well it was before Fireball so they had the shots of cinnamon snobs that the little ladies would carry around somebody had knocked a whole thing on me and I look and it was my wife my current wife I look I it's like cupid zero it's like wow wow and we danced we were inseparable that whole spring break I stayed with her wait hold on what was the oneliner picked up who uh actually uh I still think she I tell her I said you spilled that that cinnamon schnaps on me on purpose didn't you cuz you saw my heaving chest and I was show she was like that was so there but that's the that was actually the joke and it wasn't because I still believe you saw me and you did that on purpose didn't you just so i' look at you and I looked at her and she's a volleyball player from univers Nebraska Omaha I me she you know volleyball players come on you watch watch college volleyball and uh you know she's taller than me she's 5'10 I'm 5'9 she's 5'10 and uh just athletic and man that was it and and again the whole spring break so there wasn't a one liner but it was I do give her [ __ ] for like I said you did that [ __ ] on purpose because you saw my man Boo from all them push-ups and uh it was awesome and um so when I went home it gave me a direction so I went back home like okay I the stipulations my honorable discharges I had to still I had to stay out for 2 years I couldn't reinlist for 2 years it came in the in my my file um and uh my dad had his Doctorate my mother she was a teacher she had her Masters was the logical step here let's go back to college so I applied to University of Braska Omaha took the GRE got accepted and I got into my Bronco too and luckily I made it to Omaha and I lived in a $100 and 10mon room in in the slums of Oma Omaha is a wonderful place but it was the poor SE of Omaha no air conditioning nothing and it was wonderful it's wonderful it was just it was just it was like I'm out of a terrible element and here I am by myself no money Bronco twos don't run so it's in a crappy car I'm still fighting double hernia surgery cuz I hadn't got my hernas fixed yet um but it was like man this is awesome and the only person I know is this woman that spilled drinks on me that I spent four days with South P Island and she was she was awesome and we just we dated and and I just got my life together I went back to school um the VA got my [ __ ] fixed I got my hernas fixed there I was there um grad school to me was was the school I say it's easy but the ability to to go to school and then also work and it wasn't hard because the military was so you you you you know was regimented you you could do multiple things and not get enough sleep and still get it done it was easy so I got a job at M of Omaha working as a security guard go to school and my classes I could take at UNO a lot of the grad classes were in the evening so I would take classes and a lot of those graduate school classes I wasn't for criminal justice I still thinking maybe the fed's down the line even while I'm done but it was one a week so one three-hour class a week I could take and then it was just study study study and to me studying was awesome the library was peaceful so I would get an internship so I worked at the library I could study I worked at M Omaha during the day so I was making money over there and and I was going to school and I was with this woman that was well this young woman that was just hotter in all hell as you I mean volleball players man squats and jumps obviously you can tell what kind of man I am she was amazing and uh and she turned out to be just just a a very wonderful person that you know social media you see all the all the women on social Med she's not that she have a social media account she doesn't believe she's just a just a good home homegrown Nebraskan girl nice and she took care of me and she really did she she got me back up on my feet she got me she just got my the whole situation got my life back together but she was the main focal point on that and now two years got my Master's Degree I actually went from being a security guard to where I became an insurance adjuster so when you watch the movie where they say yeah you'll be happy being at home that that argument did happen I fell asleep during the ambassador's spee I heard so much politicaly I I I didn't care I would have been up half the night dude I was up half the night I got up in the morning like screw this do I really have to go wrong he's like Donal get in there and I'm sitting in the back but anyway when the argument said yeah there that happened he goes you'd be happy going back home and being an insurance adest it's because I was I still am a licensed National flood insurance program FEMA insurance adjuster to to this day I still can run claims if I want but that's what I did I went to got that certification and started working at M Omaha and and eventually I got back in the military and I remember I I I it was hard I went through eight different recruiters because nobody was going to help me when they found out what I did even though I had an honorable discharge my rentry code was a three which is very bad that means you you got an honorable discharge but there's an aster there and uh the last guy I saw it was a Recruiting Command it was right by my house too I came I missed it for 2 years I don't know what happened Lord Works mysterious ways my friend I'm driving home to go home I'm like well I guess the military's done I I got my masters but I guess the military's out of the question I see it in the corner and I'm how did I miss this for years it's been right by my house and my my one room in the house I lived and I driving there and the Nebraska Recruiting Command Sergeant Major is in there I walk in he's in there I'm talking to the recruiter he overhears me telling pleading my case to this recruiter hey man you please I really want to go in I need to finish what I started he walks in he says I'm hearing what you're saying he said do you really want to go back in soon I said yes sergeant major he goes Roger that he signes me the paperwork over I sign it he takes it back from me as he's holding it he goes there's just one stipulation you have to do it all over again again Roger that so I did it all over again basic Airborne Ranger did it twice and went back in I and I you did all all twice yeah yeah um if you want some bad enough though was it it you'll do it and it really a lot of that you know this is especially when you're early on it's a mind game it's [ __ ] [ __ ] games I knew it was coming I was in great shape cuz that's all I did I worked I went to school I out with my my my girlfriend at the time who was a volleyball player there so what did I do she was half the time she was at the gym so I worked out all the time I was running 5 minute miles you know I could I could do 120 push-ups in two minutes I mean I was you know and I'm very lucky I had good jeans from my family you know playing sports helped as well so when I went in I could outdo the drill STS but I saw I saw how the military in those three years went from or it was actually four years I was from 1995 when I first went into training till when I went back in in the beginning of 1999 how had it gotten easier I not do the drill s when I went in the first time every drill instructor infantry drill instructor except for one was tabbed they at least had a ranger tab they all come from Ria battal but they at least had a tab or they were mechanized and they'd seen some combat or beener Des I mean they were hardcore the one that didn't and he was one of my drill sard drill sard hardney the devil love that man big black dude 67 looked like the demon from hell but I love him he he was actually the uh noic for T of the unnown soldier if that tells you anything about his qualifications he may not have his tab but do you think he's disciplined yeah standing eight hours at yeah so uh when I went in the second time two guys had tabs no cibs not that much in shape ape the only two guys the the senior Dr instructor um he was from third bat so he was a ranger he was tabbed and then our commander our Co was tabbed and and it was easier they weren't throwing us around they couldn't even get in our face they could still do the shark attack um but it was the the standards had lowered um the mile Max the 2-mile Run was 1154 when I first went in it moved down to 13 so it was easy like she this is gake I was you know every all the standards had lowered and uh and it wasn't it was it was just it was a hell of a lot easier and of course it was a lot easier cuz I knew what what was coming Airborne school was easy rip was hard like rip should be I mean it was just it was a kick in the ass rip should be a kick in the ass um the only thing is though two of the instructors there I had joined in uh in 1995 so when I came back through they were both e6s e5s and E one was e five one was e six and they're like what the hell are you doing back so I mean it would why I tell people that cuz it was I didn't feel the oh [ __ ] you know the the nervous you know like like you do when you went through hell week or you these guys are me it's like I know that dude I could outrun him five years so it was then going back to Battalion uh went there got my tab became a team leader and then uh my uh platoon Leader found out I had my Master's Degree and I'd been a battalion before and he says you need to become an officer son and so I became an officer I got my commission no kiding you you became an officer don't tell no buddy I did not I did not know that you would have not been invited to the show it wasn't long lasted though because uh I did I got my commission um and in 2003 uh it was yeah 2003 I was going through iobc INF officer basic course um I actually joined 19 Special Forces Group too so I I stayed enlisted in the guard as I was getting cuz I did Green of gold I didn't go to offer Canada school I just had to do a year of green to gold at kraton University so I joined the guard 19 Special Forces Group is where I linked up with my partner that does my vodka with me Ben Morgan from first Ranger bat he was on Oda 993 they brought me into Oda 9993 so we were we got to we were friends in we grew up in Grand Junction but that's where we really developed a great friendship cuz he went to a different high school we didn't really hung out got but um anyway I still had I got my commission and I infantry got it and uh at the end of the course I was standing out there at the Malone ranges and uh my stomach was really hurting bad terrible was feeling awful but i' just been out the Canon the night before drinking you know I was like it's normal [ __ ] we're out here sweating our balls off just drinking ate a ton of pizza of course I and I you know I had pass gas I let a fart go and I shorted I chit myself um but it the pain actually increased when that happened so I was like that ain't right and I went to drop TR and I blood all over just I what I had blood just I I had uh well they rushed me to Martin my hospital and I I fig I had also colitis or Crohn's disease and it was really bad and I remember the the GI doctor yeah I just had blood all over the place I'd [ __ ] blood cuz that's what I it when it becomes extremely inflamed for those don't know what ulcer of causes and all cron it's your lower intestines and your colon become inflamed and they just have ulcers all over them it looks like youve got Road Rash it's like when you I I've i' had it for years I just didn't really you know I didn't really notice it cuz it I was going at such a high level and I think the focus was there to finish what I started that it it wasn't going to let anything hamper that but it got so bad that now it was affecting my nutrients it was affecting my energy levels because I could that's where you process all your food that's where when you eat everything and when it's all like that your food it doesn't process it just shoots right through you it's blood mucus and food and that's what was starting to happen wow yeah I got discharged I got discharged in 2003 and that was a kicking the balls dude that was my one one time where in my life where God was I was mad or I was like man I wonder if God really exist because like holy crap I went through all this all this and and I I remember lying on that GR looking up at him going really why what the hell and uh that's all right he he has P God always has patience in in us he he you know he pies us which he always he always pies the one that needs the most pity to was at that time was me and um went home and I lost 30 pound I mean it was like Ranger school all over again I lost 30 PBS in about a week cuz I couldn't eat were you just like completely devastated you were a b discharged again yes cuz it was that wasn't the plan the plan was I had already what did you think you were going to do I had no idea I I had no idea no idea I was I I didn't know my wife was there she was very supportive we had actually got married we had got married before I went to Ranger school she that's how wonderful she is we got married at a courthouse and I was off to Ranger school the next week but she was there and um what did your wife do at the time at the time she was actually she stayed in Omaha and she was managing Gold's Gym so she was a Goldy she was just working she had a business degree and that was you know it fit her she's athletic Gold's Gym at the time that was when gold was really big so she had a good job you know so not that you know was about 40 Grand a year that's tough for two people to live on can do that anymore but that time we're okay we're living in an apartment and all I'm all she cares we're just healing so I'm trying to find natural remedies to heal myself I'm going a nature store because I'm on prazone but prazone is rough um so through the next year all I'm doing is first of all I'm I'm eating things and if it if it goes right through me I write it down I cross I can't eat it anymore so I'm figuring out what I could eat my diet and then I'm taking the medication and then I'm going to going to Nature food stores organic food stores you know there wasn't a Whole Foods at the time you had to find the little mom and pop ones and trying to find out what could I eat to start to build my body back up because I couldn't take away protein I couldn't do anything that was Dairy related and I just tried to build my body up for the next year and I found this GOP claustrum which they they don't I wish they still made it goat milk I could do that and then I I could eat corn stuff I could eat stuff that was rice related I could eat anything in the Bible if it was mana mana bread I could eat that for some reason it didn't didn't disagree with me and I built my body back up for the next year and at the end of 2003 I got a call on the phone from Blackwater security Blackwater called me first and then 30 SEC 30 minutes later Triple Canopy called how did they get in I mean did you apply um at that time it was just word of mouth and uh I remember they got a hold because one of my Ranger buddies at both places were already working for him and they had recommended my name to him interesting and uh yeah they were they were good actually blackw was a gentleman he and he's a great guy Brian master was his name and he had recommended that uh as Rangers let's give me shot he didn't know I was sick though either yeah but they uh they got my phone number cuz he you know he a friend he had the phone number so he's like here it is and they called me and only reason I went Blackwater F Blackwater is because they called me first and at that time they were both great organizations you had Eric run and that it was still relatively small and they had Lee Van Arsdale running who's a you know Delta Legend running Triple Canopy it was it was pretty good [ __ ] and and uh they was it for um OG no that time there there wasn't there was Peak was called polar Quest was just starting to come online but at that time it was brimer The Brimmer detail what year is this 2004 end of 2003 beginning 2004 so carai had already been going the carai detail which a lot of your brothers were on on that carai and they just started to move to Iraq and they were starting to pick up guys to go on the brimer detail which was going to be the negaron detail down the line it was it wasn't State Department either it was the Coalition provisional Authority interesting how' you like that the beginning it was great because it was like o i remember showing up at GRS and everybody was talking about the that was that was the good old days that was when it was State Department really didn't have their hand in it so it was it was the Wild West I mean that was you know that's where sack started saak was he was that's where he became really a legend over there with in the GRS was he was one of the original brimer guys love saaks but anyway yeah that's that's what and I went and I went to the first that's where I met Boon Boon and I were in that first was called the did you work with saxs in that not in The Brimmer Detail no no he moved on he was one of the first guys to move over to GS okay saak was the trends Setter on on Contracting but rightfully should be and he's he was what a great guy man he just he is he that's the one thing he is an operate but he's just a nice guy I love that dude he was I obviously I'm mentioning him so he had an effect on my life a positive fact but um yeah I went there and uh went through the training which was basically three weeks at moyak of Delta long tabers white soft blue Rangers and Marines fighting with each other it never changed throughout your entire Contracting career dude it was dude it was so hilarious we didn't learn a damn thing during that we we went through all the shooting so you had to pass the shooting but as far as the PSD stuff we didn't learn a thing cuz they were just always everybody was always arguing tactics and then you're having the the white was the white self the the you know the seal the white the vanillas the the SEAL Teams outside of blue the M they were the regular [ __ ] bag Navy come on [ __ ] I believe you man I i' rather work the vanilla guys knew infantry stuff better than the blue guys I always said man you guys know your infantry [ __ ] down you guys had it mik Kane saw bones was a guy worked quite often he he was awesome and he hated blue it's like [ __ ] but I he was awesome bones was a man and anyway they're running the course so do you think a blue guy is going to take [ __ ] from them or Delta and it was I remember sitting on the bleachers week two and we're trying to do through we're trying to learn basic formations walking formations Diamond you know and then how to react to contact whenin those formations and it just turned into a big argument shoving from a bunch of guys that none of them have done personal protection the other ones that were been and the ones that were teaching that you know they'd been down range for what six mons hey guys we're going to go on defense now I know what's that what's that I don't know figure it out and teach it that's what it was so but it was it was it was awesome cuz it was a beautiful day you know it's it's it's early spring in North Carolina moak it Suns out it's starting to sit I'm in the bleachers and one of the instructors come over to me say it's called son with Shrek he come over to me and he goes what you smiling at for Ranger I said you guys are paying me cuz I I hadn't made [ __ ] for a year you guys are paying me 250 bucks a day to sit out here in this beautiful weather get a shoot gun and I get to watch you guys just clown show this is awesome and I'm just I'm just unbeliev like how how lucky am might have be right here watching the [ __ ] show go on and it was so awesome it was wonderful and then you know I finished the course I had to go home for like 2 months cuz my clearance still hadn't cleared yet mhm and I had got my clearance yet from State Department you know that's when we start to figure out oh the you know DOD nsac have their own clearances oh I didn't know that I thought you got one they all they don't cross over so I had to wait from my state department clearance got it went home to my wife I said please don't divorce me but I'm going to Iraq that's when the Contracting life for the next 10 years took over man that was it and early days and it was it was the Wild West man it was man sitting up on top of a building on hia street with my Ranger buddy and pigeon [ __ ] overwatching one of our PSD teams watching Bradley shoot down H Street spinning the guys in their turrets they spinning because they're that was I still remember that was so cool so they because they're the gun the up Gunners they're spinning making sure they're looking and they're not going to get shot cuz Hyer was bad at that time that was real bad and uh you I'm ducking because they don't know if I'm a good gu but I don't want to shoot me but just that was wonderful times man driving down Bop driving down Irish route Irish at 100 kilometers an hour [ __ ] making sure that you don't get hit on that overpass or there are not a lot of people that say they've had a great time running up and down Route Irish one of the few I I loved it and I had an awesome team we had a wonderful just an awesome team again another one just guys that just I all got along but it just it worked so for those listening that don't know about route Irish route Irish is most likely unanimously the most dangerous road in BHD it was for a time I mean there were other dangerous roads too like Hyer Street was very dangerous route wild when you got up to solder was pretty damn dangerous and even route tan at some points were dangerous and then of course Route 10 when it got into radi and fuia of course were extremely dangerous and God bless him eliston and and the guys you know that that that got hung and died there um you know you know but Irish was always hot MH always somebody was dying or getting hit on Irish and I loved every minute of it and I had the best drivers in the world and you see when when you see a motorcade with three cars and they know the drivers know what they're doing and I was very lucky enough that I moved being from the Trunk Monkey to eventually I became the team leader so I'm on that rear vehicle making the calls and just watching drivers do their thing blocking and screening at 100K dude it is beautiful man and I just get chills thinking about it because I was like man it got to a point where it was like a great football team where a coach didn't need to say a thing everybody knew what they were doing and they just did it it was amazing having my two left and right door Gunners cracking doors if they needed to hit somebody they'd hit them if they didn't they didn't you know getting out and even when I got to to be a door gunner on the left rear when you're going 100K and you got to crack that door and you're hanging out the side like that's almost the same as hanging on the bench of a little bird as it's banking in it's it's it's wonderful man who gets to do that that was that was fun times and we we were up and down that thing in a two-month period at one point we had to run it six times a day stupid it was State Department six times a day a day you had to six times a day on we were protecting the Rhino bus and we got C for that [ __ ] and uh six times a day and it was we violated every security principle that you're supposed to have were you guys one of the crews that had the uh which which what I don't somebody dressed up like a dinosaur on the the bag of a truck and rode that D no no that that that wasn't us as far as you know I don't no it was it wasn't us it wasn't us it wasn't us that was later down the line it was a dinec team that was later down the line yeah that was down the line I I it was team five I believe it did the dinec team cuz we would rotate with dcor on this because we were still didn't have enough people so we would take it then they would take something I love the dcor guys too but now that wasn't serious that was The Dore team which I wish it would have been that was that was some funny [ __ ] that was hilarious YouTube that stuff guys dinosaur R Irish but um yeah we were time and place predictable we were a big Target and we were slow everything you didn't want to be on R Irish we were did you guys did you guys take contact just sniper fire from away you know on right when you hit route Irish you have those that the where the uh where the Edinburgh RIS guys got that's that famous that I say famous that Infamous video where those guys are on and there's an SF guy in there that everybody hammered because he ran and hid in a little ditch I've not seen that it's it was Edinburg risk where where um it's right the beginning of when you when you get out of the green zone you start hitting R Irish it's still Iraqi MH urban areas right there and it's about 300 meters off the road and they would sit pkms or snipers on there and they because there was also a building that had been bombed and burnt out that they would sniper fire about 100 meters away when you're going and uh so anyway we would take every once in a while but we got didn't get hit with a Car Bomb we got very lucky the DOR team that took over for us got hit the next week um so we would just take and you know you ping all right well we're good everybody good yeah all right um it just added to the flavor man and uh and you know it was something to say that for the team as well how how awesome they were and how a good motorcade operations if you're running it right they're going to hit somebody that's not doing it right and um but I do remember that it was when we got the task to do it and I was a TL I was like can you guys do this well yeah you know what am I to say no of course we can do it but I went to the team and you should have seen the looks man half of them were stoked the other half were like I'm not going home yeah and you're trying to keep everybody pumped up but in my head going holy [ __ ] six times a day just the odds yeah that we're we're going to get hit with a VB I said we can take Small Arms far cuz we're going to keep moving we're going to keep pushing through just don't stop don't create your own Kill Zone like theis guys did they got hit where you get caught in a traffic jam there and then you push everybody out right and left so you're basically you you you've just given them an ambush Zone you give a big Target but we could just keep pushing um don't worry about the Rhino it's got much armor on it it's the State Department armored bus that a M1 Abrams has it's going to be able to take a hit just be able to medac him or get him out of there if it goes down but just keep moving and it was very we we just did everything right and we got lucky you a lot man you you you never got blown up on IR never got blown up on Irish that is it's like it's a for running six times a day time and place predictable with a huge bus as a Target I mean it was that is incredible it's lucky I it is very lucky it is L because again like I said when Diner took over the next week team five they got hit the car bomb hit them hit the hit the Rhino right off hit on boom and you know I want attribute to that hey yeah we were just that awesome no we were just that lucky that's luck we were just that lucky but it still brought the team together it was Wonder it was wonderful and it was very tiring days cuz you are distressed that [ __ ] I'm not diminishing your team by the way by saying that it's just luck I'm just saying no no yeah I'll tell those zfps and [ __ ] I mean there was well and they were and they were starting to drop the grenades with the little little shoots off the overpasses as well no of course it it there is there is some hey we did what we we did what we had control of we planned what we had to we ran the rout right the motor kit operations were great we were doing what we need to do we kept moving we didn't never stop let me let me say sorry goad I get I get yelled at if I don't talk about these acronyms so efp for the audience an efp is uh basically a bomb it's a platter charge it's a force projectile yeah um I want to say I always say I always say electrically but that's not right I don't know why my head say it's a platter charge they put a piece of copper on it it's a force projectile I always forget what the E stands for you guys can hammer on me later about that but it's where it goes and that platter that copper turns into molten lava so it'll go through the armor and then when it goes through it it cools and then it becomes it becomes a projectile hard projectile and they were starting yeah remember that they were starting to hit us with that and uh and that was always well they would even put those thermal sensors on yeah so when they when they sense the heat of the engine that's what we trigger because we were able to counter their first of all their wires were we could see them a lot of times which even know you just do but we're able to with all the counter measures we could counter the cell phone so that was huge yeah and um yeah I had we had a buddy that next month guy named weeman that got hit with they got hit with efp when they were driving the mambas around you blackwat had those white South African and it went right through that armor yeah and um you know I I always say I love wean I love Chris he was a great guy he was actually our he worked in the mail I mean it sounds kind of of of cliche but he worked in the mail room he he came in and he didn't have he was on Special Ops he worked in a Small Town Police Department and he came in and he wanted to get on the road and we would never let him on the road we're like no dude you don't qualify just this is where you belong right here and finally he got out on the RO Road and got hit with an AFP and he [ __ ] him up damn man and but I still love him to death but I'll be hon I think I I think I think I don't say he wanted that because I I would never say on anybody but I do remember when they CU we didn't go pick him up but the qrf team that responded they went to to to help my team was the PSD team and I do remember when they came back one of the guys on the qf team kept saying I said did you see wean he goes yeah he goes what was you see he said just he kept asking me to take a picture of like sometimes you get what you wish for man man and uh again I'm not nothing against he's he is awesome we and dude's braver than [ __ ] is but so be careful what you I always that's always a reminder to me be careful what you wish for yeah but uh yeah we did that and uh and then um I did another year and then I went back home and in between I was instructing at Blackwater so I was a farm and tactics instructor in between contracts so I really I really never went home even so did you move to moyak no I stayed normal she had a great job so it was it was one of those things where we were just a part A lot it was I was gone I or I'd go home for a month and it was hard because my son was born my first my 19-year-old he was born uh first two months I was over in in B my first two months on the contract so I did come home to see his birth and then I went right back for another seven months Dam and then I and um but that was you know at that time that's that's what I wanted there's nobody to blame it myself man what is what is it my whole career was pre kids and so when as you know today was my yeah son's first day of school congrats on your I'm so happy that he's just like Dad I'm out man because I was expecting like a little you know I'm going to miss you Mom and Dad no he's like I don't give a [ __ ] I'm see you guys later but um but uh I am I I I missed his first open house because of a I interviewed Trump Y and um otherwise there's no way I would have missed it you got to do what you got to do I'll tell you man when my wife sent me pictures of my son like with his backpack on walking into that school I was like you know and and it just every time I have an experience like that I just wonder like how the how did my buddies do it back in the day how what how how do you yeah how do you rational I want know what it's like to come home you met your son when he was a when he when he was born he was one month and then you come back he's seven months old now today that that time it was it was just what it was it was this is what I'm doing this is what I got to do I'm providing for IR rationalizing cuz this is I'm providing for my family yeah but it's also a little ego this is what I want to do this is what I've been this is what I've always wanted to do and and you know when I got discharged from the military my buddies were jumping into Afghanistan so like I thought I missed my War you know how yeah well no I got my War this is where I need to be I'm going and and I did have a good time I was enjoying it it was wonderful now looking back now and experiencing you're getting EXP experienced the little kid time with my 9-year-old that I have been with him growing up now it's now it's hurts and now it's like man damn do you feel I missed I missed him and we had to we had a coming to Jesus when he was 16 because we didn't know each other and even when I was home as a contractor you don't get there's no decompression there's no demob you're off a plane a commercial jet and you're going home and it takes about 30 days just to get your head right you don't you're not home and then you have 30 days of downtime and then you're back out again so that's why I think it was even easier for me just I think maybe that was a defense mechanism for me I don't want to go home and be angry and just just let me keep working that's and I'd go back and continue to instruct at Mo and I wouldn't go home for more than a couple weeks or I'd fly them out to me it was good it it at that time it wasn't hard because I thought we were doing it for something bigger than you know was patriotism they attacked us we now looking back I'm like man gosh I missed that I would have enjoyed being a father then and luckily for us him and I are very close now I'm happy to hear that yeah but and so we we were able to come to terms same with my daughter too what did that what did that mean did it come to a head and there was a conversation yeah yeah yeah when he was 16 what what was that conversation we uh my wife and I had reconciled we know we we back together you we we it was 20 I'm sorry not when he was 16 so it was right on the year of 2018 where I got my [ __ ] together and him her and I back together and we're out at a family dinner and or out of olive guard in Council Bluffs iio I remember it vividly and you know my little guy I'm be able to be a father with him even though I'm speaking and I'm not I'm starting to whittle the speaking down I'm starting to be home a lot more um you know I'm hugging all over him the stuff I really didn't do with the other two because I was just so detached when I was home it was I wanted want to but I I didn't know how I mean it really was CU I wasn't always there my brain was sandbox Afghanistan brains half brains there half brains family we now my brain is all there with the family and um my little guy did something and I I sorry I can't say it my my wife well you well many people know but I just my wife it's all good um My Little Guy peanut all my kids have callon peanut um he does something that the other two at Olive Garden he's doing something he's having starting to get angry have a tant him because they got those little games there at wall of garden you can play on the little moniters in the past when those kid when my my other two Kiki and Bubba when they were growing up I'd get angry just lose it because I was back home FL the handle I'm not getting mad at him I'm actually being a dad I'm actually I mean I'm being disciplined but I'm having some patience he he looked at me and it killed me dude it did he looked at me goes why don't you get mad at him like you used to get mad at me and it was like whoa I mean it's serious knife in the chest and uh I didn't have an answer I couldn't tell it was because of the war it's because of Iraq I mean that's an excuse kind of he's not going to understand that and that was where I realized that he was angry with me for being gone for many years and Kiki my daughter same way because I was he my little guy peanut got treated a lot better A lot less hand spanking on the bottoms or whatever than the other two and that's attributed to my mind State being coming back cuz you know you come back and you have that excuse man what are you guys crying about you see this little Iraqi kid he's on the street you don't have nothing to eat you're trying to compare the two you know but it's completely different but that's how I am coming back that's my rationalization I may be yelling at you but you could have it a lot worse and a lot of guys a lot of fathers now are realizing that because we're comparing their lives to these Afghani Afghani that's walking down the street carrying water up a 5 miles up a hill or you know or this or the kids that are caught in a crossfire fire because or car bomb goes off and it blows up a bust load of kids going to school you know we're trying to compare that and they don't understand that and that's not a fair comparison but that's how I was until I was finally home more and able to come to terms with what was going on over there that that was a life but now my life is as a father here and my actions were completely different with my younger son than it was with the other two and I didn't realize it until he said that how did you reconcile this became a present hug on him more love him more I I told him I said when he pushed away from me give him a space but then come back and just be hey you okay son I love you man even now that and with the advented cell phones that's one positive is that I can just always I love you Bubba and even if I get back yeah he's a teenager he knows and you know I know we reconciled because his junior year he was an athlete as well when he played basketball he played football as freshman and sophomore year but he had three concussions so I pulled him out I said no more you're done with football play something else he loves soccer anyway so he went to soccer he changed his number to 13 I like no way I went to a game and I'm like I was you know my wife Tanya was sitting I is that oh [ __ ] I said his name sorry is that thank you I said is that Bubba she goes yeah he goes he's number 13 she goes yeah and that's when I knew that he'd finally forgiven me and we are very close now yeah I love I love that boy to death and he is just a good kid his mom raised I mean he is he was he's nothing like me he doesn't drink he went to a school he had a soccer scholarship to go play Northwestern College there it's a Christian School in Iowa and he's up there and I thought it'd be all right and he's like Dad I don't I I don't do all the guys go to go to sou Falls and drink and they and I he goes I don't do that he goes I go well then come home and you have a track scholarship to the small College in col in Kansas write that coach up and tell him you want to come in that's what he did so he was he was wonderful man he's just how about your daughter she's headstrong man but now this she we're starting to we're starting to get better because it's it's it's the daughter's way different little boys you know boys you can be a little firmer girls you you you don't really want to in my opinion you don't because you don't want him falling in with a man that that bosses them around but you also you she's still your daughter she got a discipline so do I do Mama handle this but it came to a point too where yeah and my daughter's as far as her outspokenness is like me my oldest son he's not you know he's very very very quiet he's strong but he you know he doesn't argue back he doesn't he he he knows I got he goes I got it I'll fix it my daughter she's going to argue argue argue argue and there were times where we would be yeah we'd be yelling at each other like cu the disrespect that was there and uh my wife finally say I she goes just let me let me let me handle it and this was a couple years ago and so done he just default to my wife who who and my daughter responds better to her mom and a lot of it has to do with me being gone a lot but now we're we're no we're getting back again we're we're we're we're reconciling and we're at a point where and she's not very I think she got she's not very um affectionate she doesn't like the hugs and the and the kisses like my little guy does and my oldest son he'll let I said I'm going to hug you till you're 40 till you're 50 years old son they like it you I mean my son doesn't hug back but he lets me she she doesn't like it she doesn't and I I think a lot of that has to do with you know her growing up and me and her mom you know sometimes having some issues we got divorced at one point and me being an angry angry man coming back from deployments but she knows I love her and you know there was an issue at her school that I love it she wrote a letter to the school saying how she had a problem with one of the one of the dress code issues I'm like heck yeah and I remember I call I said I got your back darling cuz I believe you I said and I know you doing the right thing and that's what I love because that is something Hanto would do like selling telling Pete hexa you're going to choke out a former president hey she got her opinion hell yeah I got you and I called her and she was she you know so it's it's a lot of time I'll tell i l her I love you Don yeah Dad I love you love you too cuz I called her I said you write what you want you know I got your back tell them how you feel I said I love you and she goes I love you to you Dad and that was actually just last week good for you man so it it just it's being a father man you just have to figure it out and there are it's okay to be a disciplinarian there's nothing wrong with that but you also your kids are all different and for us that deployed we do have to relearn we have to change ourselves you know the Warriors don't retire like Ron said and I know we put in the movie but he said that but it's the truth but we don't ever retire but we can't be a warrior at home time you can be a dad and but you have to figure out a way how to reach your kids and and luckily for me my kids are smarter than me so they would maybe not tell me but they would say things where I was aute enough to pick it up like my son or like my daughter and they don't always have to say they love you just in an action like my son we number 13 I just know right there like he he he he he get he he forgives me he's we're good and we have been perfect since and I'm happy to hear that thanks man that's pretty Chris Let's uh let's take a quick break when we come back we will get into how you got into the OG contract you got it brother perfect fabric by Gerber Life is term life insurance you can get done right from your couch all online and on your schedule you could be covered in under 10 minutes with no Health exam required just go to meetfabric docomond that's meetfabric docomond with every holiday season the year ends and a new one begins and that's when I really see how much my kids have grown and it makes me realize how fast life moves preparedness is something I talk a lot about on the show and part of being prepared is making my family's Financial Security a top priority fabric makes it simple to get the protection that's right for your family join me in thousands of parents who trust fabric to protect their family apply today in just minutes at meat fabric.com that's meat fabric.com Sean policies issued by Western Southern life insurance company not available in certain States prices subject to underwriting in health questions I know everybody out there has to be just as frustrated as I am when it comes to the BS and the rhetoric that the mainstream media continuously tries to force feed us and I also know how frustrating it can be to try to find 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civilization and discover how its Central elements gave rise to the American founding it includes lessons on early Christianity the Renaissance the Reformation the Scientific Revolution and much more the course is self so that you can start whenever and wherever enroll now on hillsdale's Western Heritage course go right now to hillsdale.edu SRS to get started there's no cost and it's easy to get started that's hillsdale.edu SRS to register hillsdale.edu SRS all right Chris we're back from the break yeah and uh we just went through a small portion of your career well I guess not a small portion move on to a portion it's of my life small portion of my life let's put that way but um now we're getting ready to get into how you got picked up for o that was you know again I I and I keep referring this God's path the Lord Works mysterious ways it really it wasn't anything I wanted to do I was doing fine doing I was working with Blackwater uh doing State Department stuff but then also I was working the Greystone which was Eric's he was trying to make like kind of an executive outcome sort of but it was Greystone so it was still black water but it was like a little offshoot we were go on what's executive outcomes um that was the old South African PMC where it was really a PMC mercenaries where oh that was like [ __ ] yeah that was where they were going in actually getting hired by governments to take down terrorist organizations or or actually do direct action missions that wasn't the deir [ __ ] that wasn't the deir [ __ ] no this is this was the old and mercenaries yes the where the term mercenary I would say well term mercenaries back in beginning of time but that was where the government stopped in and said we got to stop doing this because there were 60 South African you know those guys were 60 South African strong of former military and they were taking out huge armies at the behest of some of the African governments read about them it was pretty interesting stuff they they were bad asses what is this called again they were called executive outcomes how the hell do I not know about this and also I'm surprised too man that's that's big deal that's I'm a dumb ass sometimes I don't know if anybody's still alive from any of those you know was early long 70s 80s I think it was but anyway Greystone was supposed to be Eric's kind of like a offshoot of that so it was blackwat but we were called Greystone but I didn't know Greystone either dude I got left in very small and it just last but it was Eric wanted to keep that was it the agency stuff no it was private stuff we were going out South America and training local South Americans to go and protect bases overseas so protect blackwat bases more so instead of using the nepes the girka giras you know the we were trying to all right hold on let's go let's talk about Greystone I've had Eric on here three separate times we have not talked about Greystone it was I don't think it lasted very long um it was very small it really was more training going down there and vetting locals that we could use from South America Central America so I went to Peru and El Salvador and then we all said teams going to Colombia and it wasn't anything nefarious it's not like we're going on there and starting to execute we weren't pulling we weren't pulling inks let's put it that way we weren't doing that we were we were we were going down there to train and then working with the forza special and helping them train a little bit so it was like a FID mission it really was but it I think Eric wanted to get to a point where it was like its own self-sustaining Army gotcha but it just never morphed into that because then State you know that's when those times is when State Department started to take over High th the CPA now was high threat protection then it went to that whips worldwide personal protective and state department getting their hands in and that's when the microscope started going up Eric's yeah keer where they were trying to come after him for stuff they and whatever I like carck I I protected his family in between contracts I'd go to Tyson's Corner and you know i' go run with him in the morning cuz I was the only guy that he was he was a beast dude was physically I could run with him in the morning and i' go take his kids to school because that code pink that liberal terrorist crazy women group was always threatening them so we had a team that would help him and I was on that as well I was the detail leader for that um but anyway we did that and I got to go somewhere in South America in between contracts so I was state department and then do you want to go Greystone you want to go to South America hell yeah so we went to pierra Peru went to uh San Salvador went to Lima Peru and it was fun it was it was a good time again my Spanish comes back so I don't really feel like it's a deployment to me you know it's and ate some good food went to a couple spin classes there in LMA you know Shakira on bikes in spandex she what can't go what anyway anyway it was a great and then it was and then the training too you know and and um and go working with the for de special especially in El Salvador was pretty cool um but then uh I came back and I was still teaching High threat protection getting ready to do another contract and uh Marty strong he SE Lieutenant great guy uh he's written a few books himself but great guy he was one of the program managers on the uh Blackwater contract that the state department contract and Randy Leonard was running starting to run the O side house we call it the victory we call it the victory program in aob army of Blackwater program which was the static CA guys the base Security Guys Marty comes to me he says hey you want to go work OG I'm like Marty and I'm state department and I thought the requirements were still like eight years or nine years spec offs I only had six so I was like I don't qualify and it was six but I he goes you qualify well all right cuz I was jogging in moak I lived out in the back at the PTC the private training center was out so I was jogging one day and he was driving home and that's when he he yelled out of his window he go you want to go do o I was like Mar qualify and I'm still trying to run he goes you qualify all right sure put my name in the Hat and then the next day Randy came and there was seven of us instructors that had been working contracts and there was the victory program which we ran to get guys certified for OJ it was it was easy it wasn't anything tough to be quite honest with you we're coming back back and I remember you know we're get done training we're teaching a class for the day to send guys over on the whips contract I was doing the high threat protection side of the house on that side and he pulls all these guys and what get these are all these are all tough guys man all pipe hitters right cool as everything I can do anything and Randy comes in and TDC had gotten a name for itself it was hard people fail a lot of people were failing and so Randy comes in and there's seven of us he goes we have a slot for TDC who wants to go it was crickets all these Pipe Fitters manbody look you looking somebody say something I was like [ __ ] it I'll go I was like I'll do it and it was like everybody would cuz if you one of us didn't volunteer Randy was going to pick one and you know if if you don't pass it well then maybe it'll come back on whips but you're never working it was it was it's literally pass or fail you pass if you fail never OG ever again those listening OG stands for other government agency so we weren't calling you're getting into the intelligence stuff they the clowns in action we're getting into the clowns in action sure true but we didn't call it GRS I didn't know what that was called I didn't know it was GRS you know he said OG which I knew what it was but it wasn't called GRS at that time if it was it wasn't that wasn't the term used around the Head Shed there yeah so I say and Randy says okay okay we need to get your spun up and he brought in Dan Simpson Dirty Dan one of the original makers of TDC with Randy they they I mean they started with Dan uh another Dan um he started J great guy um wish remember his last name I can't but it's probably better you don't don't you're right even though he's Pro well he left and started osen Hunter Group which oh maybe different so he he's a but I no worries anyway he goes we need to get your spun up and if you're a ranger and that seals you guys use pistols SF they get good at pistols Rangers we get a pistol we're throwing it in a ruck sack we don't shoot that and we're rifling a machine we can that's our thing rifles machine guns gustafs that's our thing and Randy goes get out there I need to start training and at the time too I wasn't using broom handles which oh [ __ ] you know because we don't that wasn't you guys did blue blue and and white soft did a broom handle is a forward grip that goes on the front of an AR-15 that wasn't a thing High re or M4 M4 M4 AR-15 s spr PDW whatever yeah you get all you gun porn people can can call it whatever you want they figure it out exactly but I remember and uh and I never we never did High ready that wasn't a thing it was low ready low carry low carry low ready so that's Ranger right you got to teach your high ready so I get out there Dan the high ready actually came Pretty Natural the broom handle I love like man where did why am I not been using that thing and it was just I used the deer I like the deer for the forgrip the cqd forgrip it was excellent it was perfect fit my hand right and uh so I got the rifle stuff down that was pretty quick the pistol jeez a I mean I could pass the state department qual the pistol which is a joke the TDC pistol was not a joke that was like whoa how am I going to do this I there's and we worked on that continually for about a week and then it was like you're gone go see you and we went my TDC course was held in um Danville not Danville uh ITI that's where it started the the racetrack the out there ITI what what is that West Point Maryland I don't remember it was called ITI it's uh it's in Virginia it's in Virginia yeah but we did it there went there you know did the PT test easy I mean said I'm running 5 minute miles it's nothing I think I ran that whatever was in 9 minutes where you had to run a half mile carry the body run back and I was just I was very blessed I've been blessed with good Aztec running jeans um the uh rifle part I it was tough it was challenging I me say it was easy it was Challen no it's tough it was the time standards they're tough um got through that the night stuff again we use night [ __ ] I was used to infrared lasers I was used to I was so it was awesome to actually not have a 14 of Cyclops on and it wasn't the 15 were in that time they were 23s they were a little bit bigger oh damn those old school those old school ones there was real heavy but it still was all right got used to it because we had stronger necks back then we were tougher back then um the vehicle stuff was piece of it was just tactics it was Battle drill one Alpha Man react contract Breck contract you know it's from Battle Dr Squad Attack Battle Dr one alpha and then you're either Breck contract or you flank and it was the vehicle attacks were pretty simple it's just bounding ultimate sex it was infantry and house stuff no problem just don't flag your buddy the high ready eliminates that which made it a lot easier and just get on your target think your this that's where I started this needs to start kicking in more than this more than the shooting it's a chest game be three steps ahead of your enemy if you're racing towards your gun you're already screwed you you've screwed yourself that's why I don't get into the YouTube let's go fast fast cuz if you have to go fast you [ __ ] up somewhere and that was what was te that's what Randy really Dev grew Randy Seal Team horsecock Randy call you knowers holoc Call sight came he really harped into that with me along with my platoon Sergeant Randy Battalion which I didn't really start to put together till TDC be three steps ahead so you don't have to react fast it's a chess game and we had a MI5 and MI6 guys trained in there too they were part of our vetting teams too they were and for some reason I don't know if this was your every MI5 MI6 guy met was either named Mick or Mo we had a mick and we had a mo okay well standard issue call sign but they were one was at SPS guy the other one was a Roy Marine that went to SAS and they were part of our instructing cadr too okay and they were those guys think that I mean it's fine fix and then eliminate but they're always thinking and that's the it so it really be came where things started to slow down you know you're adrenaline fire breathing let's kick through that door that's actually where I started hey take a breath let's start to slow it down Ranger all right be aggressive you need to then bring it down and it it really it just started to all make sense so the room clearing was actually was great it was like man I'm getting this I'm I'm actually becoming an operator here you know and uh it you know it only took 10 years but I'm there I'm getting there and um the pistol though I was so worried went on and did the pistol and um you get I don't remember was it two tries you get you know you do practices they have us do some practice runs through so it's not like they put you on there cold you're practicing um this has changed and I I I don't because we got we had a day of practice practice runs of that morning and then they said okay qu we went out and qualled I I blowed the head all right right you get one Alibi and I went and I the body was fine I was making the times I couldn't hit the head cuz I my grip was I just didn't have the right grip I didn't have the mechanics I would really because I didn't shoot a pistol a ton um at range Bali we just didn't do it yeah um so I out there and I mean luckily for me fundamentals are fundamentals are fundamentals so I'm trying to find the front sight trying to do whatever and do it within that time frame which the one that got the the one that was getting me was the two to the body and then you have to you know you start at the 10 and you have to run to the two and put one in the head so it's like go draw you run and you have to put two the body then you have to run down to the five or it's the seven and then you got to put one in the head within like wasn't it was stupid was like 3 seconds or something like that I think these are different calls than it might be different now they might be um and I still got my calls if you ever want me to send them to you I've still got those calls cuz used to teach the course after yeah I got so I've still got those got them too and they may I'd like to see what you have so I mean I can always use more training material man I love Aus but it was that what was getting me I could get the body and then you had to run fast down to the three and it was like 10 to the three or no I'm sorry 10 yeah it was 10 to the three I'd have to look guys forgive me guys you guys all know I we maybe I I'll send that we'll put online but it was it wasn't ungodly it was tough and I kept blowing the blowing the head shot because you did that twice and if you didn't get in that the the a boox both times it didn't matter you failed yeah you could get every body shot in the world but you had to hit aox not outside yet and um basically what he's talking about is there's a slot that we call the credit card credit card in the head the prefrontal cortex lobe right the eyes and um but it's so if you miss if you hit outside of the credit card you're you're you're done it's it's on those ipick targets the ispc I ipsc targets and um the last one I got I didn't do anything different I just got lucky as [ __ ] body was fine physically I was fine I was fast still still could run fast I got there so my job was okay get there get those bodies out you're going to hit them cuz they're easy you know all you do is a or b which is here or here that's a big spot from 10 yards that's that's not hard to do especially if you've been shooting a lot probably couldn't do it now but no but back then but and then use my speed and run as fast as I could so I could get a stable position and then just pre so it was run like this and pre and I did it got it nice and I and I got it I hit the first one Center and I broke the line on this break the line it counts yeah and it's like oh and and that was it I made it GRS and uh went back and it was a good feeling because you weren't looking down at guy but it like yeah cuz not many guys had pass TDC we lost half the course we had and all of them were Ranger seals um we had one D boy and uh SF and we we had 10 guys five pass Five failed yeah and and uh yeah I went back and uh they said where do you want to go I said I don't care and I they sent my first trip I went to the secondary went to Afghanistan went to Cabo and that was the end of 05 beginning of 06 man I forgot we called it the secondary the second I remember the main in the secondary what um when did you realize that the OG contract was for CIA um at TDC at T they told Yeah well yeah because they would sit us down and they would tell us afterwards or during the course during the course during the course we we would we would know um and Randy Randy started the program he'd been Agency for a while gotcha we knew I mean he didn't have to it was hey guys this is OJ wink wink you know we we knew yeah it wasn't but officially when we got there because it was a it was a cordon off training area it was like a private training area where there were no Outsiders private turning area within a private turning area exactly so we're at the same spot all the way in the back yep Y and um so so that that's when I knew and and uh what I was so cool about is it the teams that was the the for me the pay was better it was it was great it was great pay not we weren't getting paid well before but it was still great but the the smaller teams was cool to me I thought that was neat being you and a buddy and that's it yeah and you're out there on your own and then sometimes you're out on your own but on your own on your own where I did a lot walking within the cities on my own which was awesome i' love that finally where was your first deployment cble AR um and I uh when I grow this out I can blend pretty good not that I wear Shaak kesas but I could look like a business you don't have to draw on the man wear the man jammies there's a lot of government workers out there yeah you know just wear what they're wearing they wear button- down shirts man and in the winter time they were long coats and you could buy one off at the park down by the movie theater you know right where the uh not the Serena hotel that's the one that got hit but there's that other Hotel downtown that they had that Park and you could just go buy stuff and I would I'd stop and I'd buy local stuff throw it on yeah you know just make sure you dous douse you can smell a little bit but it worked and and I loved walking on my own like and saxs he trusted me or maybe he just thought well he's expending what I don't know but he like Gano he's like do you want to go for a walk and I love doing a lot of guys didn't and I get it man I mean when you're a white dude tatted up down to here and you eat well and you're always buffed out you're not going to blend very well I get that it wasn't that they were afraid it's just they didn't blend I'm a little guy I'm I have a I have a brown complexion you know I know how to handle myself and I wanted to and so I got man I went to the M Market walking it was like Indiana Jones I got to walk in some of those Alleyways it was I I have pictures of it sometimes I'll post them it was it was where I was uh acting and I was walking um with a CI case officer we were back there doing a Recon just seeing and I think honestly I think she just wanted to go back there to see it what's cool and this was I threw an MP5 in a computer bag had my je Glock 19 on me I wore just local I wore just what they were I wore khakis and a button-down shirt and um we went back it was by CNN Circle was back like by the soccer field where you go across the river and the mty markets where the river is and then if you come out the back the front side it's where that two-story mosque their their famous mosque is well if you get down on the market in the river there's the river here and then you see people walking the shoping there's a whole other shopping Alleyways through that and you have to find your way in there it was so cool you just walk in and it's like it is like the movies it's like this tight Alleyway and you get through it in a whole other world of shopping opens up you've got spices you've got fighting quailes that are about this big you've got non everywhere and there's people being crazy everywhere they're just I'm not crazy but just it's just people shopping aghan shoing you've got police I remember walking in one and you do have a lot of [ __ ] and a lot of trash piled up on us because you know the open sewers and so forth um I remember walking and we walk out this right left alley and there was this police officer with a um a blackjack beating sticks he was beating the [ __ ] out of some Afghan just whooping the back of his legs like just disciplining him and I remember walking and we did have a local guide so that was a that was you know that's a plus I have a local Afghani with us so he's with us and I said what what the hell man he's beating the [ __ ] out and you know first instinct as an American is this step in I got to stop this no no no let it it's Afghan Let It Go well what they would do is is when they would go shopping they'd hire guys to pull those you see guys carrying pulling donkey carts around that was for people that didn't want to carry all their supplies back to their vehicles or their home they'd hire these guys to put in the donkey carts and they'd walk them the the like kind like a little Tuk TOS I guess you donkey cars are a better explanation little little little pole wheelbarrows I said why is he kicking the [ __ ] out of him and he goes he was parked his donkey cart in a wrong spot it's like there's Afghanistan stand for you but it was it just it was fun cuz I got to I wasn't on a military base you know I wasn't always being a DA guy I was I was getting out and doing surveillance and counter surveillance and just getting atmospherics and that was fun that was so cool and getting to experience the food and hanging with the locals a little bit and and uh it was it was awesome that first trip and all the trips after were awesome because after I would do a couple of those and saaks and the agency found I was a guy that could they could rely on to do that I they send me out to do a lot of stuff I'd go out in the marcarian district and they said can you go take pictures of this apartment building we think there's a government worker that's part of the Taliban and I go yeah sure and we set it up so I'd have KF around great guys I could trust like papey was one um saxs was another you know uh Auto Marine buddy that runs fanana defense was a gus guy so they' be close by they'd be orbiting the area so if I was 911 dude I'm getting wrapped up come help me but I could go out there and I they just let me and I would just walk around the city it was fun I loved it yeah I that was the job on GRS that I love but that was any that was the beginning of GRS was right there where I got the taste and that's where the bug got me it was it wasn't even the protection it was that holy crap I have freedom to actually get to know these cities and see the stuff that I only saw in movies and National Geographic yeah that was awesome those were good times yeah yeah those were good times for the most part for the most part just dealing with the then you have to come back to the to the agency and put with the [ __ ] or or go you know try to stay clear of the Talib bar so somebody's getting in a fight or drinking too much you weren't a Talib bar guy I would went in there a couple times but I wasn't a big drinker no I wasn't it just it was too much drama yeah it drama or you know some a lot of drama lot of drama just stay away from there and you know a lot of women the women that were there you know a lot of things happened on that PO table you said it I didn't I but it it was too much drama it just you know just Alpha women alpha males and females and no I I always said I was my best person when I was overseas because I focused on the job I had fun gyms were good there always was a gym I could always work out um I had a problem running around the Ariana I loved running even though oh you're getting all that crap in your lungs well I'm getting the crap in my lungs in the gym with the with the little with the little uh Mini Splits you know so um I loved it and that first trip was all first seven eight months was off and on to the Cobble that's where I went kept going kept going kept going it was fun and I had a great time what was your favorite place to work candore gecko gecko by far cuz all the Ops were at night so you can sleep all day favorite place in Afghanistan or favorite place favorite place for me was gecko no [ __ ] yeah I did love it I love Kandahar and I love I got to do a lot of flyaways there a lot of l l hadn't spun up yet so we were sitting up L gagar and spin those places were still they were thinking about setting them up so we were doing a lot of flyaways and landing in the middle of the night in a soccer field running off the back of a of a hip which I hated flying those things I felt like I was flying in a death trap CU you know how slow they it's just but landing in a soccer field the middle of night having the local guard force can pick you up then you'd go stay in a bombed out building with some ratty old blankets and with but youd go with your can to our security Force too so we'd always take guys with us and I I got real close and I was also in part I was also uh in charge of the training so we I'd run the training with the locals too with our local qsf guys you know the local guys that worked with us so that was fun so I you know I'd go over there and even though there was a language barrier I'd go in there with their CEO with their head guy and we I drink chai and we just sit and we try to communicate and it was fun I I enjoyed it played soccer on that Rocky soccer field where PT was uh I remember PJ whenever he get I want to say his name but he broke his ankle out there cuz there's just rocks everywhere you know and then we'd run up gecko you run up them out and do pt in the morning and it was just it was it was awesome and we had a great team there now the team was that team rivaled the Benghazi team that was one of the best teams where everybody got along myself Curley the to we had there Rebel he was awesome one of the best TLS again another guy that qualified if he was a contractor but he became a staffer one of the good staffers um curlyy X Bixler Joseph who passed away uh in a motorcycle accident you know then following year just he got hit while he was driving his motorcycle too fast and um mushroom who was a old Force Recon Marine old Marine who doesn't like an old old crusty Marine um great guy and then Joe Dirt Joe's uh Joe Zar Joe de dear but dirt Joe Dirt 10 special forces scw guy and uh everybody just got along it was wonderful it was just and everybody it was one of those again teams where you could go out and do stuff and nobody really needed to say anything even work together you just everybody just knew what everybody was going to do yeah and you just roll out I loved it cuz it was all at night and going out and wrapping up guys at night was fun I me we didn't it was hot so we didn't get a lot of Ops it wasn't like you guys where you guys were constantly going and but when it was it was fun yeah it was like and then um at that time too is when also when and um we lost Jeremy wise and we lost Southside at Coast so you know so that's when the tactics changed too or the the the uh the um the standards operating procedures changed where we had to search people that were actually coming in they would just let him on the base because you know if for those that don't know um I don't think the movie is that great but I do like that scene actually is pretty pretty good was um zero dark 30 where they showed what happened where the CIA chief of Base let the double agent on too too too far and blew up that's that was accurate that that was Southside that was Jeremy doc Wyatt didn't die he came to tripy later but he was one of the ones that injured and they lost that real good targeter um but that's what we had to do as well and I there was one I remember there was a defining moment for me there of how to handle cuz we would we'd have Taliban people coming on or we'd go grab them then we have to bring him in and we search him again there on a facility outside and X was Hardcore seal he wanted to kill every I loved him not but he just was me dud he nicest guy us but Taliban I don't care who you are you do what I tell you to do you do it now or I'm going to slam you and we brought this Taliban guy in and we were searching him he wouldn't let us search him but we're out of outer facility so it's so if anybody gets blown up it's going to be us you know say we're Expendable s right well he would let him I remember and it was uh he was trying to search him and the we had the Afghan we had one of our interpreters there and and I'm trying to play good cop we're playing a good cop bad cop I'm trying to be the nice guy and X is grabbing him and trying to get him to do what we're telling him to do and he he's fighting it he's a t he's fighting and I I go what's going on man what why is he not letting him search him is he hiding something is there a bomb here cuz now my spider senses are going up cuz I think he's going to blow us up and uh he go no no he's he says CU he's got his Quran in his top pocket he's got it in his sh kamise up here like and I always carried my pocket Bible you know the little green ones we get going down range the New Testament I had one here I always carried it every day I pulled it out of my pocket I said here you give this to him and you tell him he can touch it we're saying God I believe in God I respect his God he respects my God we're good to go and I said you say that you always said you know the interpreters I said you say that exactly how I said it don't change it don't try to change the words you say it just like that and he did it in in poshu and the Taliban guy stopped fighting he looked at me and he says okay I said shook his head I said I go so we good we cool he goes yeah we're cool and he let me search him and I was like man you know what just the little diplomatic relations but also the religious side man God is God I don't want to disrespect your God you don't disrespect my God we have to search you I said tell him and I did tell him this we tell him we have to search him cuz I don't want him killing me with a bomb and he said it and we searched him now X was in all his rights to throw that guy around and believe me I wanted to as well he's Taliban man yeah but there's got to be more way to remedy this is just throwing his ass around and all of us getting scuffed up a little bit cuz nobody Road House V Patrick sey the great philosopher Patrick sey said no one wins a fight and he's right somebody all of us are going to get scuffed up a little bit we're going to win because we're going to throw them down but somebody's going to get scratched somebody's going to get beat somebody's going to get hurt you screw that can let's try to do this be the nice guy first and it worked and he gave us good info and the case officers were very happy with us because they didn't get a belligerent guy trying to give information he gave up at least that's what they said I don't get into it but that was Kandahar and that was how Kandahar was for me because it just it it the team fit the Work Fit I enjoyed going out at night I enjoyed that it was very hot you know guys were getting where you had I don't know if you talked about but you had Bradley on Dawn lucky you know he got massive carb on there when you were with the team I mean that was that was kahar yeah but then also I love that we got a punch out all over in theka gar Helman the Helman province in the kahar province and we got to fly and yeah Doo it really felt like Cloak and Dagger type [ __ ] it was really cool yeah that was a good place to work it was it was let's move into let's move into Libya yeah you ready oh yeah yeah yeah yeah let's do it you want to skip right to it I'm good for whatever you are brother every I if I if it hurts then that's what I'm supposed to feel that's what people need to see you lead the way and I'll guide yeah yeah um I went to Tripoli first my first trip wasn't in Benghazi it was to Tripoli and um and one of the things that I enjoyed about GRS at the especially then is by that time I started to stop moving I stopped working for like the the secondary companies I I wasn't doing contracts for Blackwater or sock who took over the contract or or um those were the main two I don't know who has them anymore um osen Hunter had another contract where I would do teaching with osen Hunter that's where I got to I mean that's me and Evan haer worked on those contracts together great contracts but they started a program called the direct hire independent contractor you know that you've worked it so those that don't don't it's funny cuz what's the acronym DH I we were dicks and that was a joke we're dicks you want to be a dick sure I'll be a dick and so they would come recruiting for from this from the blackwaters and whoever else and if you had a good record you've done a lot of time and uh your C1 at those places would write you a good EV Val you could come and be a be a d be a dick and that's what I did after Kandahar actually uh yeah do you want to go because it it gave us the opportunity just just gets mundane going from the secondary to the main to the secondary I mean you're going to Afghanistan Iraq when you're doing that 10 years it just you get bored so it gave me the opportunity to go out to different places and and Libya was one of them so I was like yeah so I went to Libya went to Tripoli it was fun again it was another place where you know you get from the American government that these these dictators and all they're just awful people in these countries are [ __ ] hoold and I went there like this is a [ __ ] hole wow all right there's still the hotels are still open man there's still a sharid in here that's still open yeah this this little Resort down by the Mediterranean is still open even though it was a burning tank down the road I mean it was it it it that's where I I I I didn't ever really question foreign policy and things like that until Libya it's like okay I'm not really sure this was right but who cares that's not my job I don't it's not I'm here to do what my job is and it was fun that's where I met Bob I met Glenn he was there and uh um and it was just it was less protection and more atmospherics it was more surveillance counter surveillance um and uh trying to see if there were terrorists that were moving into the country because of the vacuum of power who was on our side who was not on our side and that was fun cuz it wasn't so much protection anymore doing like we did in a lot in Afghanistan and Iraq it was more just lot more tradecraft it was it was and and and it was a it was a lot of times where where you you're getting to see things or like even getting to go places that you wouldn't get to go in Iraq Afghanistan I'm talking about just nature there there's the ocean right there you know you got lepus Magna the old Roman coliseums that are right there and a lot of this job took us to those places so you're getting to work in some historic places they're like wow I didn't know Rome was here in in Libya you or you're seeing you know the the Battle of Tripoli and you're seeing the Marine grave sites you or and we wrote about in 13 hours when the there was a consulate that was attacked in Libya way before ours and we write about in the book and getting to go see that so it was almost you know like a m I'm on I'm on a job but I'm also on a historical tour tour and it was awesome man and uh the guys were great cuz if you were on the on the Dick program you were generally you've been there for a while so everybody even if you didn't know hadn't worked that person maybe in an area cuz I worked in Kurdistan as well love that place I love suly and I love heral and I love the hook but you would know the guys so the guy you hear the name oh I've heard of him oh yeah I know he knows it so you're not getting a new guy coming in with a chip on his shoulder everybody man they're chill man they're like you they're like me I'm probably the most wired D they're like you they're just chill got a job to do we time do the job flip the switch on let's go kick some heads in then turn the switch off and just relax and that's how it was and the agency there you know I I I learn I had learned how to deal with them you know I I I knew what I I knew what to expect and um bub was awesome bub was always a crossfitter he was always out working out and so was I loved working out but he did the CrossFit stuff I wasn't a big crossfitter um we'd watch you know we'd go watch movies in our downtime he was the only guy that would watch Black Dynamite with me I love that black sploitation movie and every guy hated it there except for buck he's the only one that would sit through it with me um but the first trip was pretty just normal nothing really big was happening you see some black flags going on you you see the terrorist Flags Al-Qaeda Flags but you're used to that time you see them every re worse I so what there's some Black Flag you weren't really thinking of it went home and then the next trip they said you're going to Tripoli so I'm getting ready to go to Tripoli and then right when I got to sud Bay Greece which is where our stopping point was um we're part of The 555th Fighter Wing is um they said no we need people in Benghazi are going to Benghazi it's like okay tripa Benghazi so what head out there I get there and you know you just felt it was different you just walk you get out banina and the movie did an excellent job show showing that man you just get off a plane we do have an expediter there we always you know we have expediters at all these airports but you have a guy waiting for you a GRS guy waiting for you by himself so because that was where we were doing a lot of movements single person one person movements which was even better that was even more fun guy waiting on himself and you get off a plane living in air probably flying in you know find flying that first class flight which is love how the movie did it just right you have a first class ticket but on those planes there's no first class so you just get the whole rad to yourself so you watch the Movie again jack flying first class he has the whole rad to himself that's just those little things that they got right well you get off the plane you go in there they get you off and then you go to you go to the base and it just like it wasn't secure you know other places there's [ __ ] going on but it's felt somewhat secure at least there's Big Brother's kind of watching you there you just he did you were like R which was fine but it just felt different and uh there was the work was pretty the work was fun enjoyed it did a lot of again a lot of tradecraft more surveillance than any protection um I remember towards the end though and this is where it started to get hairy where we're just me and Boone are there and Boon's been at it a long time too he was start he's been doing longer just as long as I have and we're out on an op and it was about three weeks before the attack and Sarah you've had Sarah on she's like hey we've got reports at aqi here there's this camp and we had all on our Falcon View we had all the terrorist camps marked and we were spot on we had 10 digigit grids on each one rafala sahat anel Sharia aqim and she goes there's a rafala sahat camp that they think there's aqi in there can you guys go sit on it now boon for those that don't know Boon's black Mexican I grew my beard out now I always thought he was Mexican I could never figure out he's he's he's weird looking I thought he was Tongan once and I thought it was Polynesian while I was black and then he's like are you Mexican but he's he's MTO but what I'm saying is he looks he can f he can blend y so we take our local car out we go to this raal USA hot de Camp s says go to this one and we sit on it for a little bit and there's this opening within the within the compound that their Camp is it's it's walled but there's an opening and we can we're see sitting there in our vehicle and we can see through it and um like said we do look like locals and nobody's mon to us and this guy walks by and the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I looked at Boone I said do you see that man he goes yeah that's aqi I like [ __ ] yeah that's that's al man they're here and it it looked just like we were people we were fighting in Iraq man he L just you you could even the Dead Eye I mean we're it was I don't know and we weren't super close like that but it was just it was a you just knew it was like that's that's aqi holy crap we rushed back like Sarah they're here man you got to get reports aqi is here and we got chewed out for that yeah for what that was beyond our scope of Duties we weren't supposed to be sitting on camps Bob came and chewed her ass out and chewed Sarah out she goes you guys I and Sarah was pissed she's like D I just got chewed out Bob came and got us cuz you guys are going Beyond you don't need to be doing that that's not what our job is here and being and Boon are like yes it is it's like chief that is our job and Boon's pretty laidback I used Like Chief yeah that is our job that's our job and uh he did Rip Sarah more than us though because he can she's a staffer and she was pissed she was just and you know sah she she's a pitbull man yeah and um I remember that after that she said we can't go sit on camps anymore you just can't we're not doing I said well what the [ __ ] are we doing here then because it it was towards the end I'd already gone through the fights with all the CIA P case officers made fun of them you know chub their [ __ ] I been doing that for for two months now and I was like well what the [ __ ] are we even doing here and um two weeks later the attack happened two three weeks and them it was like man it almost like they they knew it and I I I still don't understand why the job that we're supposed to be doing we found a Target we verified that Target let's action that [ __ ] Target why we got in trouble for that and the only one that can ever answer that is Bob maybe RTO I never got an answer Sarah maybe she knows but I I don't know if she really does or not cuz I don't think she even got an answer she got reprimanded but that was Benghazi it was like it was we were and that was even Libya even some of the state department officers will tell you the rsos it's like we were fighting alqaeda in our own offices yeah and um and that was that was it it was it was a lot of just doing a lot of great work getting to be on our own a lot singles but then when we did our jobs we'd get reprimanded for it we took some we got another time we got reprimanded as well um before that happens with sah we some BT garve guys came in the The Listener guys and there was a hospital there that they we were want they wanted and that's part of our job we'll take them around we'll drive by the areas that they think they can hear and if they have or gather information suck out text messages with their little stuff that they do the cool stuff and and we took them out cuz there was a hospital that they thought Iranians were in and so we drove by it to see if they could find out and uh as we came back we came in Bob was outside he was waiting on us like we were in trouble for something and um he's called the BT carv I saying the staff there were staffers called him in they were on a plane out the next day and I was like what happened he like he doesn't want you going and listening and on this hospital or and he doesn't want you doing any of that stuff and these guys shouldn't have done that they weren't supposed to I don't have an answer I why I I don't have an answer I I still I don't know why we're doing what we're supposed to be doing we're getting good Intel we're get action guys were in there he somebody had brought them in for some reason yeah we did what we were supposed to do and every time we do something and get Headway where we could action on a Target because we're not the action guys you know we're the we're the collectors we're the protectors but when we did it would get we get it' get we get condemned for it he would jump on our [ __ ] and it was it was just I just like and I did a lot of times what what the hell are we doing here why are we even here that I don't get it what's the deal and um then the attack happened on on 9/11 2012 and uh you know there were some precursors to that you know the the British Ambassador had got hit by RPG we were I didn't respond to that I was in tripley when that happened the GRS guys that were there at that time did respond to it um that's when they moved out of the country they got hammered one of their security officers got the RPG lodged in them um but they were out Red Cross had been attacked once which is news that was a big news thing and they had also blown a hole in the consulate once already before the attack they had tried to breach the wall so the signs were already there yeah and um you know we were always over there at the coner they were good guys Alec was a good guy you know they were they Dave was awesome and they there I have nothing bad to say about them they just were they Wen they were overwhelmed and they were these the state guys yeah they Alec Henderson uh Scott Wickland who was the ambassador's body man Dave uin were the three guys that were mainly there and I feel like oh they were chicken sh CH what would you have done you got a massive 40-man Force running in you're out there smoking hook could CH chilling relaxing you don't got nothing but m4s and you're not allowed to even carry them because State Department of policy says when you're on the compound and you're not pulling work you got to keep them in your in your Armory which was over by the kitchen I I don't blame him doing what they're doing they ran to they did what they needed to do D Scott ran towards the ambassador to protect him that was his job Alec ran to the talk that's where we was supposed to go Dave ran to get a weapon they were just overwhelmed like that was done but that being said you know our conversations with them we would constantly warn them and that's the scene from the movie where Pablo or me being that [ __ ] I did do that I remember looking at their compound we came and we did a evaluation of their compound before the attack and I remember looking at Scott looking at Alec I was looking at the walls there was a big building overhead that I thought you could put sorry about put sniper fire in and I remember looking at him I said guys your walls are soft your guards ain't for [ __ ] you know they local guards half your guys don't even have guns Blue Mountain Group didn't even carry guns I said you're snipers Paradise I said any big element gets in here all going to [ __ ] die and I remember Scott's eyes went and I did feel bad a little bit I didn't but Ron was there he covered he's like guys if you ever need us we'll come get you and we they had radios we gave them our radios we all had icons to talk to each other and they did request more security their RSL Eric Nordstrom in Libya in Tripoli did so they did try they were just turned down they requested 240 Bravo they requested more armed security and it was turned down by Patrick Kennedy and Charlene lamb Patrick was the under secretary for Hillary and so was Charlene she was in charge of space security and all that those people also get away gotf free they should have been held accountable as well very much accountable but um but when the attack happened it still was a shock to me because the Ambassador at that time um his he did have a security detail attached to him it was T Special Forces Group it was a it was the SI team that was his security for some reason they had been pulled off him when he came to Benghazi I don't know why no [ __ ] I did not know that when you watch the movie and it says jck team repositioning to four position that was his team they had been pushed out for a training mission in uh either Croatia or Spain I can't remember interesting yeah but I knew because a lot of those guys when I was in 19th Special Forces Group a lot of those guys from 19th I was in Colorado the when they did act the duty time there were 10 special forces so we knew a lot of the same people and they'd come eat with us when I was in Tripoli because their food at the state department facility sucked they so they'd come and eat dinner with us and that's why like I said that's why in the movie when you we're talking to bub and this the bachelor's coming and we had that conversation like the bachelor's coming you guys you and I was like so who gives a [ __ ] R state department and Bub's like dude there're not he's not coming with his detail I was like where the [ __ ] is this detail they're not with him and they were they were hardcore pipe hitters it was a sift team and they pulled them out so that's why we stayed and three of us did extend myself and Boon and Ron are supposed to go home to weeks earlier before the attack and we stayed cuz we had a great team we didn't want to mess that chemistry up you know and some that piss some people off because of course if Bub would if Ron would have went home he'd still be alive of course but I know Ron wouldn't change it because if he wouldn't have stayed and we would have new players in there not saying that we're we're awesome tactically any better than anybody else we just had a good team I don't think the outcome would have been the same not because of skill sets or anything everybody's got great skill sets you worked your us as well you know the deal we all got great skill sets but it's the that team y that and that team whether we got along or not we meshed well and uh yeah so and people oh why did you guys make it so dramatized that when you said during that film that three guys were supposed to three guys extended well because three of us did extend myself Boon and and ran and um you know it's it's also very telling of how awesome Ron was and maybe just foretold everything before the attack we had just done and I don't OS have said this during his I don't know because it really sticks out with all of us um the day before the attack we had just done a fullon Kaz ofac uh training off where Rome put us through a huge scenario of if the P if the compound gets attacked this is what we need to do metac wise and we had catchup we had chit who were teaching all the CI case officers going through a huge cerac plant wow and it was just is that just the most I the Lord I I love God I just love I mean I do as much as God looks at me and goes man that man I cannot keep this guy straight isn't it it's just he did it and I didn't want to go to me being T like R eat [ __ ] I done enough I want to do this [ __ ] man T get out there F fine and um yeah it it saved lives it did it was just it was a 24 36 hours before the attack we went through base-wide training medac cavac plan how do we handle Mass Cash masses damn yeah so that just shows you how awesome own is so yeah um but the attack happened I remember I remember we were just laying there and me and Boon were on cure we always had you know we always had a team on cure standby every team would be op then we always had guys that were on a that's all they did all day 24 set 24 hours we were on that fure so end of the day we're thinking Qui a day my gosh almost time to go home you I got a few more days left extension I even remember um we were watching two of the greatest movies ever made I just watched Battleship and I was watching Wrath of the Titans and um we get a call on the radio and you can hear the gunfire but it's not really CU there's always gunfire I thought maybe somebody's having a wedding or something again hear the and um we get a call on the radio and it from our our team leader Jus he goes Jus need he's in the team room and it was about that monotone not a lot of excitement at least I didn't think it was I didn't hear the excitement so Boon did roll over me and he's like dude he's like what the [ __ ] did you do now to he thought I pissed somebody off again and I like dude I ain't done anything I've been a saint all day dude I swear I just want to go man cuz nine times out of 10 if we got called I I did something I either put I had a placard from the movie Tropic Thunder where Sergeant Cyrus the Rober down junor character I had actually wasn't a plered it was a piece of paper and I laminated it and it said never go full [ __ ] and if a CI case officer did something stupid I'd put it on their desk so they'd see it in the morning I do stuff like that I just love picking I love picking on them they the Jason bornes so the Jason B so so um Boon Boon and that Boon's been with me for 10 years I mean we hadn't worked together Contin but we've been at different spots for 10 years from State Department on to OG so he knows me he's like dude what the hell did you do now you son of like I nothing bud I've been good I promise you and then the then the urgency came it was about 30 seconds later though it a jurus we need you in the team room now and it was and you just know you you've been doing this long enough I've been doing this long enough all right it's time to go and I look at Boone and we're getting our gear cuz cuz we kept some of our gear in our lockers but our our quick ready gear our body armor and our m4s our short our peashooters we kept right by our bed on qrf so it was right there raders were right there of course all the night vision all the heavy weapons were still in our Lockers in the team room we start getting our [ __ ] on and do smiling I'm smiling it's awesome I'm smiling just like this I still remember I still remember looking at him he's smil I'm smiling I go man we can do something fun tonight and we headed out our door and as soon as you got out the door our door from we were in building Charlie where it opened up the annex was directly there at 12:00 so as we open the door you know we're seeing the tracers it's you can see the firefight it's going off damn so now all that popping you know now it's starting to oh that's what it is you know the brain is starting to realize oh this is just some some crazy night in Libya this is holy [ __ ] Conant getting attacked and the Jason bornes the ones I saw were like it was like cast light and firecraft at them they're just going everywhere and I saw a team I saw ran we all had tasks you know we had responsibilities my responsibility was Heavy weapon Mark 46 get that and then I was going to drive the SUV boom's responsibility was to get the keys for it get it out my responsibility was to make sure we had it ready to go and actually we all had our different tasks and it was beautiful dude it was just beautiful I saw leader leaders acting like leaders and it wasn't The Barking orders it wasn't the yelling at each other it's everybody shut the [ __ ] up and did their jobs and it was it was awesome because even in that elements there you you don't always get that you're always going to have maybe one guy that thinks he's in charge and everybody respected enough each other and trusted each other enough that nobody needed to say a word and it was it was like Mozart it's just wow wonderful and that's what it reminded me I mean I I was like seeing notes man and um we're 5 minutes we're ready to go 5 minutes it's time to go and I remember I looked at Ron he's got the sedan he's got Jack and Tig in that Boon's Boon Boon's Boon's a rock star he's got our [ __ ] together the SUV is ready to go I got my 46 you know we're geared up we got our night vision on that we got all the stuff that's in our lockers got the ammo um Rong goes like this I look at him that's all I need he's good you I'm good Che here our team leader here they're on their cell phones I go Chief ready to go he didn't bother even look at me I said Chief we're ready to go he looks the team leader still isn't looking at me on his phone talking to somebody I don't know who it was still to this day he says to the team leader tell these guys they need to wait like that [ __ ] fine and the same word I'm just what the team leader looks at me he starts to tell me that I go dude I I got it I [ __ ] got it I walk back to my car R's like Dude tell them what's what's happening what's going on man I said Bob tell us we got to wait now the movie where Jack and ran got stopped and we tried to get to him in the beginning that happened but it was at night so we had already been through that before so we're like [ __ ] he ain't going to let us go again so that wasn't part of movie Magic just the only thing we changed it to was nighttime when that happened and ran did Bluff his way out of it it was and he just had a CIA chief of support lady with him when that happened it's pretty awesome but we' already been through that where he would not let us go but we're waiting you know we're we're we're still thinking at that point in time maybe he still does know something we don't maybe the SI team is on its way maybe they're sending a a bird in maybe something's coming in maybe there's Marines the coast and they're you know we don't we're trying to play the benefit of the doubt by not C creating more drama cuz more yelling and screaming is not going to do any good it's not and that's why that team was so awesome is we all knew that if we had all been younger with piss and vinegar we probably would have been fighting with him and what would that have done nothing so we're waiting we're continually going scenarios at least I am through my head I know the team is you know you're War gaming you're whing through your head you're going through your head going going through scenarios that you win to keep the adrenaline in check so I'm going through my head I'm going okay if we get hit with mortars here what am I going to do how do we win this fight fine we get out the gate we get ambushed on this road what do I do how do we win that fight so you're you're just it's it's what you do in the corporate world too when so you don't like this you're just going through scenarios that you win and you and the only way you can do that is through hard training or experience or both and by that time I'd been through a lot of hard training and a lot of experience so I was able to pull from that and I know the other guys were doing the same thing CU nobody was panicking everybody was Ron's taking the lead he's our charge he's going to take care of this and we trusted that so Ron's talking to to to the chief tig's there too tig's talking to the Chief and then time just going by the fighting is intensifying and then instead of just hearing AKA and PKM far and you know what this s we start hearing a like holy [ __ ] D I said dish holy [ __ ] we got to go and uh can't do it we're still waiting and that's when I saw TIG and Bob arguing that's when the F the the one huge interaction we didn't put in the movie it wasn't going to have a place in the movie it didn't need to um but they were arguing it's in the book um where and that's where TIG was told B tig's like [ __ ] we gotta go we gotta go we got to go now now and uh that's what Bob told Stand Down you guys got to stand out he told T and Tyrone in Jack's car right there now I don't think it was malicious I don't think it was nefarious I think he just was [ __ ] down his leg the later was nefarious with the military not coming that was po purely political nefarious actions from the power that be commander-in Chief and Secretary of State and all them but that I could be wrong but regardless we were told to stand down and um so we're told to wait once Stand Down 15 minutes later and then at the 25 minute Mark of us waiting there cuz remember the state department guys have our freaks have our icon freaks they're calling us on the radios and that was heartbreaking man that really was cuz we're listening to them and they're like GRS where are you GRS where the [ __ ] are you we need you GRS they're we've been overrun GRS they're lighting the buildings on fire we're hearing all this and we're like guys right is the is the chief of Base here in this he's it's all on the talk cuz they're open mics what's I mean so he's hearing this and he's still not letting you go what was the relationship like him before this night uh we didn't get along I he was condescending as hell I didn't get along with him I didn't like him I didn't care for him we worked in mzo together as well didn't like him there um I thought we made him pretty well I think that was the combination of characters uh we we had a team leader and we had the chief chief was very what's this guy doing now he became he got assist so he got his he got his his top tier to retire as assist assist level and then he became a uh contract instructor at the farm now I don't know if he's still doing that are you [ __ ] kidding me they took that [ __ ] clown yep and put him at the farm to train all the upcoming now he may not be doing that he's made enough I mean CIS level retirement what a [ __ ] joke no so he's he's what a [ __ ] joke take that guy and put him in charge of the [ __ ] upand cominging case officers wow and that's why that [ __ ] agency doesn't do [ __ ] anymore a [ __ ] show it's a clown show what a you know but he's probably retired now living in Williamsburg or somewhere in ice with a Thousand Acre I mean he's made plenty of money he got the CIA you know he got the highest level the CIA what do you think he thinks about every day I don't think they give a [ __ ] dude they can sleep well at night I hope he doesn't but it's like asking me you know does Camala Harris sleep well at night you know she sleeps like a b because they think they're right all the time he was I'm right you're wrong I know where I'm getting ahead of myself but you know we're we we he seriously was going to stay there to collect Intel when we were leaving out when after the mortars hit after the bombs hit after Ron and Bub died we had to force his ass out of the compound because he still was going to stay there and collect Intel and that's that was him they're they are so Elite they are the they're elst and they just think they're the smartest people in the room and that's one of the reasons why I always would [ __ ] with them because they're not and here's this knucklehead ha seed from Kansas giving you [ __ ] cuz you think you're the smart first person in the room but that was him and uh when we heard Alec and he's in the talk so he's watching his team basically get decimated they're lighting the buildings on fire he's watching all on the CCTV cameras he says Jirus if you don't get her all gonna [ __ ] die just it wasn't movie Magic that's what he said Tyrone went like he to's awesome he's in the sedan he an armored vehicle can't roll the windows down so he cracks the door and he just does this I was like wow that is I still get chills thinking about it because you know T he was big arms were like that and uh he looked he had a beard like leonitis he had dyed it black so he looked like Leon should gave him sh I was like you're trying to look like leonitis aren't you like yeah but I remember thinking to myself when I saw that I was like man I go to combat with leonitis this is [ __ ] awesome and I gave him a thumbs up and we started to head out the gate now we didn't quite make it out the gate because and I I you know I like I said our war gaming we're still going through our heads it's a chess game stay three steps ahead don't rush you don't if you're racing your gun you failed somewhere we need something I don't know what we need then I realize it I said we we need we need a mall I'm not going to tell you his real name but The Interpreter we got to get him all now dude he looked pretty good in the movie like young guy kind of young 40s in shape he did dude he didn't look like that he was he looked like Bob newart seriously he looked like an Egyptian Bob newart he was adorable glasses droopy cheeks old dude bald we need him though we don't have combat turs so I'm calling him I'm trying to find him you have faith I'm going to find him I say stop the cars we get I get out of the car I'm thinking I have to run around this damn base to try to find this guy and Lord Works mysterious ways brother I get out I come with the front of my hood think I'm going have to run to his who and then run to the skip to find him and he's walking right in front of my car man thank you I said we need you man and it was awesome it was cuz he he did he he got an argument not an argument he's was just [ __ ] his pants cuz he doesn't want to go Bob Bob newart doesn't go to combat man it doesn't happen and his eyes are huge and I said dude uh we need you man we we need you I don't speak Arabic well enough NE none of us do we don't want blue blue on green you know what that is but for your listeners that don't a friendly fire in with a foreign Force because of a language barrier blue and green and uh I said dude we need you man and he goes tan I'm not a I'm not a combat trip I said I know that brother he goes I'm not weapons qualified I said I know that and I had a clock 19 on my hip I handed it to him I said you're I'll go get your stuff it was freaking aw he took it and he ran back in the building C and initially I thought I lost my weapon Boon did too Boon Boon was looking at me shaking his head when he ran away but he came back out and he ran back out and it was awesome cuz it was he was he he didn't have the cool Gucci gear like we do you know the form fitting [ __ ] looking cool he had to borrow somebody's helmet it was way too big for him so it was all jingling on his head I mean it could even been out backwards so it just didn't fit him he didn't have body armor he had a flat jacket CU that's all he could find he's got his finger in the trigger well as he's running towards me he's flagging this [ __ ] out of me and all I could do was Marvel at it that whole time I just marvel like this is freaking aw this little dude that looks like a little turtle is running towards me right now flagging the [ __ ] out of me with this gun and I have never felt more motivated in my life because this dude had no business going he's not a seal he's not a marine he's not a ranger he's not security he's not law enfor he's a little interpreter that he is giving of himself and he's coming with us and I'm like that is what heroism is that's bravery yeah selfish service that's it man and he got in the car I did take his finger out of the trigger well I said put again because I didn't want to shoot me in the backs he had to go behind me and then we took off and we headed started to head down there that was our Trek towards the consulate and then it just got even hairer from there from there um but we get there we stopped on a road called gunfighter it was called gunfighter it wasn't moving magic that's what we called it we had a gunfighter here and Adidas was the other road on the other side and there was little there they were look like they were shooting back now it looks like in the movie we get up and it's creeping up they actually were already in a firefight they're already shooting back and forth um we didn't know who friend or fo is but they weren't shooting at us so we get out of the car Rome parked Jack parked TIG parked we parked behind him and we started to move in position to engage and you get close to that wall and you start hearing those cracks just crack CRA crack cra cra because you know bullets are going by your head breaking the sound you're hearing a every once in a while and then there was a a block center block wall behind us so you'd hear a smack from around 762 hitting the hitting the wall and it was freaking it was all you know it's [ __ ] awesome it's awesome and I saw Ron start to engage nobody said a word everybody just started to engage and we started to move and Tig got us T got our 203 you know our one 203 cracked the breach put that H DP round and that high explosive du purpose round he just started started throwing rounds down range and but Moon came up to me and said uh as we're shooting he goes you know we knew there was a building off in the distance that we thought we could get up there and put machine gun fire sniper fire and so he goes Tano Let's get high man let's get high so Roger that so he went and got his sr25 I went and grabbed the 46 so I had my M4 M 46 M4 covered I was wearing shorts it Bo that's who are you wearing shorts yeah I was actually they were just a grer version of the they were a tan version of these they were shorts i' made a canar from old truspec pants um I was also wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt but we couldn't put that in the movie because uh I guess Disney didn't like Mickey Mouse shirt Terrace but I had a Mickey Mouse um probably the closest thing he could get was a was the was the panda shirt but it was a Mickey Mouse shirt um but yeah we uh and we just started climbing walls man and it was hard I I wasn't ready I wasn't no spring chicken anymore 8 foot high block walls with all that gear on the 200 a 200 round drum on sack on the uh 100 rounds on the 46 you know magazines all over me magazines all in my pocket and just sucked it up and he just and you know I tell you what the the First wall we climbed over I was just getting ready to get shot in the butter the head so I I I did I looked over didn't see anything and then I went butt first so I figured well I get shot in the butt I can still probably fight if I get shot in the head I'm [ __ ] out but I'll be quite honest the third fourth wall I didn't care anymore just so smoked get me over this wall and we it's only 400 m we're 400 m from The Compound at that point Jack Tyrone and Tig went down and fought their way down and suppressed the weapons just like the movie did they went down the main Alleyway to the front gate and they suppressed cuz TIG had that 203 and he's just knocking him back um and we had some local help PKM guy with a PKM and some AK-47 guys and but half them didn't know what the hell they were doing anyway but at least it was it was gunfire Boon and I did have two locals that we took with us they did the movie two guys came to me before we jumped that first wall and said hey mister can we go with you and I looked at him and they they were kids and I first I just felt like I could trust them I go 17 Feb they said yeah I said come on and Boon's like what the [ __ ] are you doing I said dud I said force a fire team man and I said I'll stay in the front you just stay in the back if they well then you kill them so and they went with us that whole time and we jumped walls got on that building and it was it was that disheartening if you again Watch the movie it's pretty spoton we cleared that building and you know you know how is clearing buildings going upstairs and I got that gear and I'm clearing it with a 46 and I'm smoked and we get to the top of that building you know Boone's got his M4 but he's also got an sr25 on him so he's smoked too and we get up there and we look down and we couldn't see anything it was like man all this energy you wasted cuz the consulate there are trees that surround the consulate well there they were all on fire so you you just couldn't see anything in there and it's like God man because you're trying not to get pessimistic but like you know how many calories I just was how much water just doing all this and for nothing put out of your head and what snapped me out of it too is Ron came across the radio cuz he's still moving CU he needs our he he needs us to suppress at least that's what he thinks anyway he's doing a damn good job on his own that all three of those guys he goes T I need your eyes man I need your eyes go uh I go run this Roost is a bus man I said shoot move and communicate I'll meet you in the middle and that's what we did and we ran down the stairs and went to the back gate and just like the movie we just climbed over the back gate what was awesome is there was a commander that pulled up just like that Moon he pulled up with his vehicle and I actually wanted him before we jumped over the gate he got the before we jumped over the back gate I wanted him to push it open with his car so it's like push this open with this car he goes wait Mr wait and he got on his phone and he started dialing a phone number and I was like who the [ __ ] are you calling man he's like just wait wait I go Who you calling he goes I'm calling the bad guys I'm negotiating surrender I said who the [ __ ] I said you doing the what said [ __ ] and Boon's yelling at me because he's already inside he climbed over the gate already and tig's yelling at me to get inside on the radio he's like we need you Tano quit [ __ ] around and I just let it to go and he was one of the guys that was going to facilitate the Counterattack later but I didn't know and so that little argument you see me get in with that wasn't that that actually did happen that happened as well and I got in there and uh we fought we we pushed him off it's a 9 acre compound and for the next hour we just were trying to find the Ambassador running in the Burling building trying to locate all the state department guys cuz they were spaced out everywhere why biting off the B guys pushing him off we're really that initial when we got on there I think they were so shocked it was Americans and luckily we have that still that ER of er of uh intimidation Americans are coming we got to go they wasn't much of a gunfight coming up on we were got in there Americans here we got our night vision on even though I'm wearing shorts I still look pretty Terminator is with all the gear on and uh they ran away and um we found Alec you got him out of the skiff Dave was Dave did awesome Dave was already out he was already trying to find the Ambassador he was already over at the consulate trying to find the Ambassador um and uh then we just took turned running in that burning building trying to find it and it was tough we almost lost ran ran went in the most Jack and Ron went in the most TIG was probably close to it U me and Bo pulled a lot of security and then we take our turns we spell people but I I tell you what I would and I I admire thank all you firefighters out there I admire the hell at you I'd rather get shot at again than ever ever running into a burning building filled with diesel smoke ever again I remember going in and trying to go in the first time and I tried to run in and the doors are wide open and you can see and it's open there's fire you know alive on the ceilings and there's it's just smoke everywhere and um I hit I ran in the and it's almost like I hit an invisible wall I just that is hot as [ __ ] it was so I feel like my eyeballs are going to melt it's like you really have to just I just had to go suck it up don't it's going to hurt just go and it was awful and you know your body gets used to it a little bit but it was so hot it's like running into a pizza oven filled with diesel damn and Ron did that I mean that's how badass Ron and Jac are they went in there multiple times I went in there like twice because they just kept going in and it was hard to find we did lose Ron almost when where he got caught way back in the back and we had to play Marco Polo with him to get it out we had like ran we're here Jack kept yelling from ran this way ran ran ran cuz he got stuck and he almost lost his way CU he got disoriented from but that just shows how badass and Tig as well you know tig's lungs are apparently [ __ ] so Jack's screwed um eventually Scott got out you know and I I have no quals against Scott nothing at all people why he left the Ambassador well what the hell would you have done dude seriously you're you're dying of fire in the heat I I can tell you test from the heat that was Unreal what would you have done man really okay but he got himself out and uh that's when started to go to hell again cuz that's when they started to Counterattack and uh I do remember before that they did find Sean's body um Dave uin tan Jack managed to pull him out of a window and um the movie I wish they would have put this in the movie more so than what they did they did a little bit of it but it was pretty remarkable it was one of the most defining moments to me of human spirit and sacrifice that I'd ever seen in my life because Sean was out and I see him pull Jack pulls him out Dave's pulling him out uh uben TIG is and Scott's on some stairs and he's sitting there and he just keeps rocking back and forth and he keeps saying he was just with me he was just with me he was just with me and I see cha chck for some reason he starts to do chest compressions and CPR on a dead body jack knows he's dead then D's dead Sean's dead it's obvious he's blue he's dead and I couldn't figure it out like I'm sitting there watching this whole thing unfold from about from me to probably that death there about that far and I want to say something but before I get the word out it hits me because I'm looking at Jack and every time he does a chest compression he looks up at Scott and he goes we're still in this fight man he is being positive over a dead body to get Scott out of his shock so we don't have another casualty he's just it's unbeliev it's just like I'm sitting there just marveling it going wow these [ __ ] dudes are awesome I love this I love Jack I and I still love Jack but it just to me it just defined selfless service again and you know people think selfless service is giving yourself giving up your life well essentially he did because that he's doing CH press on a dead body to get some guy back up on his feet to back in the fight who thinks like that yeah obviously he did and it was awesome and another motivating thing just another reason why Benghazi was the greatest sign in my life one of them say but it was defining we get it Scott comes out of his shock cuz you know big Tyrone like Superman I don't know where he came from it's like he flew out of the bushes but I I know he's R in the building but he just and you I see Tyrone come out of nowhere and he just puts his arms around Scott and he goes man we are still on this fight we need you and you just see Scott come right back and it was like wow this is awesome I love these guys that's why Ron is so that's why he he was Superman to us but uh we loow Scott's body on TIG and Jack and Dave uin did they put him in the back of our SUV that our team leader and The Interpreter drove up after we cleared it said it was clear our team leader yeah he waited till he cleared it then they drove up um I don't blame The Interpreter for doing that but come on tal but anyway we go back to P in security and then was was the TL like was he even he was was former Secret Service no military I know who he is yeah yeah I know who I was going to say you know who he is what I'm asking is was he scared I know he was scared I know who he is I'm trying to figure out how to ask this question the right way hey I wait I I got I got to get a drink of water take your time I guess what I'm trying to ask was did you guys even keep him informed was he even what really part of the team or did you have you totally just he had just just like any blue he had his he had you know he had his uses you know he he could he would give us get int cuz he was you know he was a blue badge so but as far you know just everyday activities he had the runs control the runs you know and but really me I let Ron handle that I stayed I mean it's just a liais on it really was that's what he wasas and that night he was with us and no we didn't pay attention it wasn't were we were allowing him to pull cover we were allely 99% of the staffers in GRS they're just liaison they're not operators they're just like they aren't just goison go leison give us the Intel and that's kind of what he was that we don't even really know what you do here qualified to be here you do here still favorite movies I can't [ __ ] stand them I'm I'm just I can't stand them it's probably something I'll never get over the amount of worthless [ __ ] that were in charge of me and you and all these other like Stellar performers and then you get these chumps when you don't hold people to the standards that everybody else is upheld to that high level standards what do you think you're going to get and I we're we're we're diving off a little bit but I'm going to say it look at the secet service protect Trump yeah yeah that is what you got with GRS Ts for them unless they were former spec offs guys that were contractors that I think they were always just supposed to be Liaisons though and then at some point in time they like inserted themselves to be some [ __ ] leader and it's like back to your desk go get your [ __ ] pen or your pencil and get the [ __ ] out of my way my face and that was him but you can't say that cuz they'll fire you but you can still you say it anyways you still I did and then you get fired well I I I I I did I I got I got told after uh after I fell asleep I had an argument with Bob and then the TL called me in and we had an argument we were like he's like T I know who you are I saved his ass from getting his ass beat by a bunch of seals when his first trip went to Coast why did you do that cuz I felt sorry for him it was his first trip I didn't I didn't be Hest I did I didn't know him I'm like he's the first trip I'm trying to be that guy that's your first trip let me tell you how it is bud all right don't go in there like you're knowing everything you're working with a bunch of top-notch dudes go in there shut your mouth and [ __ ] you listen yeah but he didn't it' been you know that was 2006 now it's 2012 so he's got years six years now he's salty but um real experience it showed too it didn't it show it is yeah it was funny cuz when we did our Deb too they did ask about him they said what' you think of the TL I said he did a great job I because he stayed the [ __ ] out of the way oh man the Head Shed at L the GS they didn't want to hear that but that's what I said Boon started laughing it was during our AR when we got back to after Benghazi you said that I said D to the it's me dude I don't give it what are you going to do fire fire me then if you haven't fired me yet you're not going to fire me but the argument I had with him where in Libya after I got dressed down by Bob which I just like eat [ __ ] D I've been through enough this pump and Circumstance crap enough Rah R politics in progress million [ __ ] times I I don't have to stay awake through this [ __ ] it's the same [ __ ] well he pulled me and he goes I'm gonna write I got written up you know we get I got R up wrote up I didn't get written up and they wrote me up and he goes I'm going to write you up for this because you fell asleep you're being disrespectful and I remember I said to him cuz I saw GRS kind of go into more like a state department button down I saw it and I said we're going more State Department aren't we button down need guys to say yes sir no nobody talks back no [ __ ] guys that cuss every once in a while you know you don't need guys like me anymore do you I guess guys like me are Dinosaurs Aren't They and he said yeah pretty much I sign my thing I W when we got home I sent him an email I said good thing you have dinosaurs like me huh that night and I didn't get a response back from I still got the email my a I had AOL what in my shows you how old I am but he said that and I said you looks like guys like me or dinosaur sorry when did he try to write you up he wrote me up right after I got ripped right after I fell asleep before the Ambassador it was right before it was before the attack so when I fell asleep and the Bob Bob dressed me down where we got in that argument he says well I'll write you up well I did get written up we didn't put in the movie cuz how boring is that seeing some guy are getting now but I went back to my room you mean people want to watch a a [ __ ] pencil Pusher right up write up a real man I'm going to write you up cuz I'm not a real man I'm just a [ __ ] so I got I got written up I got call me an hour later he called me in and I I I got written up like I don't give a [ __ ] fine it's like getting a you a ticket that you got 100 million parking ticket pay your parking tickets y'all but you know what I'm saying and I threw it like whatever it's probably what he was doing before this actually he was a for those that you know him but he wasn't a he wasn't a he was in Fort chick forgery and that was his in the che forger it was in that division The Secret store they do forging money laundering so whatever anyway but uh they drove up yeah he's and that night it was it we just if if we need you buddy just stay in the rear man if you want to add your gun to the fight fine just keep just make sure there's no ammo in it just dude just stay away from but he didn't Fire's gun that night and he stayed hidden he stayed protected and we didn't really worry about it cuz we knew he wasn't getting the fight it wasn't going to happen so that's why we put we put um we put um I don't want to say his real name almost did so why we put Amal with him but eventually Amal even saw what was going on and a maul got attached to Jack Maul kept following Jack around when Jack wasn't running in the burning buildings so um we go back and we hav found the Ambassador and and uh I remember on the back side of the villa here cuz we're pulling security cuz that back gate was left open I told that [ __ ] Commander close the back gate when you bring your guys through before I really knew who he was I thought he was friendly he left it wide open and I'm like that [ __ ] forgot to close the back gate I said guys this jackass didn't close the back gate I said get ready cuz I knew it was going to I me he just no it's like [ __ ] dude and I'm kicking myself for not going back there and closing it as well and trust and right I knew I shouldn't have and then all of a sudden I I take a knee and I hear a big explosion goes off so I'm here explosion blows off this way on the baron Villa and because the angle so lucky again thank you because the angle shrapnel's this way but I do catch the over pressure because I'm not more than you know 20 feet away from the explosion so knocks me catch the over pressure but the force that goes this way I didn't hear the initial boom so I didn't think it was an RPG I mean you know unless you're from a very far distance RPGs don't go you see vapor trails and they go it's not like that um unless you know it's a way distance and then you might see it later after it hits you'll see maybe a little puff of smoke or something but you always hear Boom because that's the propellant that makes it go it doesn't there's a boom and uh as I go back to pull security get back up on my feet because I'm thinking some guy runs in front of me and he's missing his hand he's holding his wrist so I go his profile and I go up and his hand's missing he's holding his WR like trying to stem the bleeding it's just mangled and then his buddy comes out runs from behind him and he's holding pieces of his butt and it's no farther than me and you I'm like right here following him and I go what the [ __ ] what happened I don't even know speak English but that's all I can get out of my head cuz I'm a little I'm a little rattled brain's knocked a little bit I'm seeing this dude running by with no hand he's just bleeding everywhere I'm seeing his buddy chase him it's holding pieces of his hand so I'm looking at him and I'm in my head going dude you forgot your hand go back get and that's what I'm going through my head and know like I say what happened I didn't say that all I could get out was what happened guy goes grenade the guy holding pieces goes grenade so I'm thinking oh you're a [ __ ] idiot next time when you cook a grenade off I'm thinking this in my head you hold it for two seconds instead of three before you throw it and I'm thinking of my dad West Texas from from LEC Texas his voice comes in my head and all I hear is rub some dirt on it you'll be all right kid and as I come back to pull security because they're not a threat I do hear a boom from a distance like [ __ ] I know that's an RPG I go post security and I just go like this because I know I'm dead if it's anywhere near on this side I'm dead uh there's nothing I can do there's no cover I can get down and roll but by that time I hear that boom from that distance where it's only 100 not even more than I would say 75 M away if that I I'm dead so I'm just hoping I hear the second boom CU if I do I know I'm alive and I do I hear it boom blows up this one actually is closer and I catch building I catch the the the concrete knocks me down on the middle of the road again because of that angle and I know that's what saved me it was the shr mill most that went that direction or got embedded in the wall and um the movie showed me getting up and having a wall for cover I didn't I got knocked in the middle of that road that was shotgun from the front gate to the back gate and all that came in my head was ranger battalion what's your cover Ranger bullets what do you do when somebody's shooting at you you shoot back and I took a knee on that road and I just started shooting and I shot and I shot and I shot and I was thinking to the guys from riado cuz we get hammered P you know got a great history you know urgent Fury just cause Somalia you know we shoot mhm [ __ ] you guys we're [ __ ] you coming out you're going to catch a bullet in a tooth and that's all I'm thinking and I'm just putting rounds and I remember Boone he told me later he says I was watching you and all I could think of was you're a [ __ ] idiot don't take cover and um I've never felt the hand of God before I've never felt it again I fit that night and I know I do really believe we all get one one one hand of God moment where they he steps in and protection I did I like he's looking down at me and I say this during my speeches too because I honestly believe this I think my guardian Angel's like on this chair God's up here on this year my guardian angel and God are looking at this idiot getting shot at because there's the world's opened up there's just crack cra cra cra crack it's all going around me and my guardian angel is looking at God going see what you tasked me with God you T with this [ __ ] idiot that doesn't have half a brain and uh and God's like pity God pity is the one that needs to be pied and he says I got you and I F the golden cocoon come on top of me and that's not I I I'm not saying that at any reasons that's what I felt you actually felt it in that moment it was a golden egg that's what I remember golden egg I got you just warm just was it was it like a intuitive feeling it was a physical feeling no it was phys it was pH warm gold I got you and I guess intuitive too it's just safe I was like I'm I'm good and I kept shooting and then uh did it give you confidence yeah I wasn't I got this nobody's going to give me I'm you felt it before you started shooting or in the middle of in the middle of it no when I was Sho were you there in that position there about 5 seconds before I felt that and I'd already went i' was already hammering away cuzz you know there that was a g it was really easy I'm just I'm just nobody's coming through there it was yeah about 5 Seconds hey I mean 5 to 10 it was wow it was awesome though and then uh I am taking your KN I'm not I'm not getting in the prone says I'm just I feel fine I'm I guys's got me my right ear drum blows out I remember that and I look and there was a Libyan that had taken a knee right next to me his AK-47 was shooting with me right next to my head and that was amazing cuz I was thinking to myself ain't this the damnest thing God just gave me a little liian angel and put him right there next to me cuz he had a button- down shirt slacks on like he got off work and he's sitting there with his AK-47 shooting with me I never saw him again either that night I don't know where he went and then boom I'm running and Boone comes and boom takes a knee right on the other side of the road and he starts shooting with me and then T gets his gun into the mix on the top of the roof and it was awesome dude it was just freaking awesome now we moved a little bit after that we started to move back to vehicles and started to kind of peel out because uh we had get out of there but that moment there for me was and I I I I I always tell people that and I I said guys I'm not saying hand of God there all time I again I've never felt it after I didn't felt it before but I felt it that night so when people say Do you believe in God I say no I know there's God and he took pity on somebody like me that's a probably broken every command well not probably has broken every Commandment that we're supposed to keep oh it was there I felt it and a [ __ ] fine you don't believe me I don't care I don't think it's [ __ ] and I know and and it was amazing again I wish I could but it's a golden egg it was like a like a willy WKA golden egg warm protected nothing's going to get you I got you and we fought him off and we appealed out and it was hard to leave because we did have a drone overhead watching everything the ISR come on station and Ron's like guys we got to go we get they're they're massing they're going to attack the annex we got to get get out of him like Ron we ain't found the Ambassador yet he's like I know but we got to go you got to make a decision leaders always make decisions even if they're hard decision it sticks with me because you know our Credo dude part of the Fist hands of the rang of creed is you never leave a fallen comat to fall in the hands of the enemy every unit has that same not in those words the same thing you leave no man behind and we did because we had to get back to the annex and it wasn't the wrong decision we would have lost 24 if we hadn't gotten back but it still bothers the [ __ ] out of me because we left him we left him now we didn't know he was there that's still no excuse we still could have kept trying to find him but he he had gotten so far back in that Safe Haven area that we just couldn't get back there and when the fire died down and the fighting moved back to our Annex the locals pulled him out he was dead of smoke inhilation there's been talk that he was mutilated and all that I didn't see it and I inspected his body when they brought him to the Airfield I you inspect at his body I looked at it I didn't no I didn't pull his drawers down you know I didn't do that I mean they may they did cut his genitals off I I'm not going I'm sorry I'm just guys I'm not going to do that to me I looked at it because what I'm thinking again ranger battalion what am I thinking Randy shart Gary Gordon dragging his body through the streets so of course I'm going to look I'm going to see if he's scuffed up I'm going to see if his face is scuffed up I'm going to see if he is cut in places I can see but he's was clothed and I didn't see any marks on his face I just saw lifeless eyes and he had still he still had like dies you know smoke from the diesel all over so what I saw I didn't see I didn't see mutilation but am I 100% sure no because I didn't pull his pants down and for those that want wanted me to do that they can go [ __ ] themselves don't do that no I'll leave that I mean if I was an autopsy G sure but not in that situation no and that's I and I wasn't thinking mutilation I was thinking dragging through the streets too yeah um but we left them but I I I I I stand by the decision and all of us still do and as you know leaders you're been a leader you know you make hard decisions you have to and sometimes those hard decisions even if they're the right ones are going to stick with you for the rest of your life and that's one that does and uh but it was the right decision and we got back to our Annex um we had Sea's body in the back of the vehicle so that was a little surreal because we all piled into one vehicle so we had Tyrone we had TIG uh we had Tyrone we had yeah TIG we had myself we had The Interpreter we had the TL and Jack was sitting on the top of Sean's body driving back in the SUV and they trailed us you know they were following us we could it was easy to pick up and we're like and I wish they would have put this the movie it's in the book but I wish they would have put this in there I actually was making the calls back I was like guys I was telling the gate Gates Get get the gate Ready's like get the gate ready and they said what's your status you know you always say we're coming in red we're coming in black we're coming in yellow but and I said or we're coming in hot we're coming in cold and I don't know I was just trying to make somebody laugh I said guys we're coming in lukewarm it was stupid but it's like I'm just trying to get people to laugh because we've been through a lot at that point we come in the gate and um the state department guys where they tried to get out of there you know where we we got them out the ones that were still they they did go the wrong direction they went towards Adidas two houses down was where anel Sharia had a safe house the consulate was right next to the terrorist Safe House State Department knew it we told them a million times we had taken pictures of it there's a scene in the movie where you see us driving by and I'm taking a picture of those [ __ ] and they're flipping me off that's that happened they didn't do a damn thing about it so when they went out the gate Jack kept telling them and you hear it on the radio too and that was during the that's where the confusion happen cuz when we were getting attacked and I was shooting that's when we were trying to get them out of there it was during all that chaos that Jack I heard on the radio cuz I'm I'm got a piece in and I hear Jack saying guys you're going the wrong way you're going the wrong way cuz we said go to gunfire when you go out the gate do not go to Adidas you go left you do not go right they went right and they got crushed and so when we pulled in the armor held they managed to get back on run Flats to our place that car was just on fire just flamed everywhere and I thought they all dead but none of them died the armor held Scott did a great job pushing through so to Dave getting through they just went through a gauntlet of gunfire and RPG fire and got chased until they got back to our compound so that wasn't movie Magic at all they got hammered and it it just was in the chaos he just went the wrong direction and luckily for them and again I I cudos a lot to Dave Dave uin did an awesome job but I wouldn't in that vehicle but if I was to guess I would say they all kept their heads pretty good but Dave probably did the one I was like get the [ __ ] we go push through push through push through you know but we got back it's on fire we get we get refitted with whatever we need as far as ammo um T did did drop our grenade launcher that was a movie Magic he actually dropped it he didn't it was a 69 hk69 he hadn't rechanged the the normal lanyard that's on it youever we get that the lanyard that comes with it sucks cuz it just slides through we usually cut it and we put 550 cord on it or something that sticks and he didn't so when he was running it fell off and it fell on the ground and um but it was weird and I I don't have an answer for you I wish I did but we had a second one as well and for some reason I was looking for it and I couldn't find it I don't know what happened to it I ran around for five minutes before I went up on my rooftop looking for that other grenade launcher cuz tig's like dude I'm sorry I dropped it it's like son of a [ __ ] TIG and I I ran around you know and you know how we are we stage it where it needs to be it's in the team room it's in one of the gun lockers that's where it needs to be I didn't take it with me because I had a 46 and and he had the 69 and we didn't put it in the curf vehicle so I ran I couldn't find it and I thought well maybe Boone did put it in in our vehicle so I ran and looked in the vehicle I could not find it it disappeared to this day I have no idea what happened at 69 and I'm thinking why on Earth would would Bob when I'm thinking malicious but like what would that have done so I don't know so I couldn't find another 69 and we had two but I couldn't find it um and uh grab more ammo ran up to building first we went up to building a vantage point was terrible and then we jumped up to Building C where we could see over Zombie Land and this sheep slaughter house so we had our compounds building here building here building here building here front gate here Zombie Land parking lot where they were massing family's houses right there that they were using to come through through before they got into zombie land is covered cuz they knew we weren't going to shoot the kids cuz there were kids in there so we weren't going to shoot the buildings and then the Sheep slaughter house the Sheep L was over here so we got up there a was not a good vantage point so me and Boon moved over to c azen tiger in a little fighting position right here overlooking Zombie Land and they just start moving on us and you're just seeing it through the night vision and it was like kids playing hide-and-seek man so e they're just I don't think they thought we had night we had night vision or they didn't think it was that good cuz they were just running from Bush to Bush and Rona was awesome and I you know I I talked about Nick and Paul The Raven 23 guys that was heavy on our minds at that time because they had gone to prison for defending themselves yeah so we weren't going to shoot we're like Ron man I don't see guns but they're moving on us man they're moving the drones even overhead feeding us Intel you got asymmetric movement you know stuff's coming um Ron's like do not [ __ ] shoot you see a gun first then I'll give the command to shoot and he goes because I don't want to go to prison and he was referencing three guys so that was on our head so we just let him get they just kept coming and coming and they got closer and closer and then finally Boon goes I got AKs and they were probably about 25 meters from oza's position when he saw that and then this Fizz comes over the back gate right when he says that and it was a gelatina bomb and I saw it cuz gelatina bombs is like a stick of dynamite they light a wick so you can see their night vision it comes over the back gate and it goes over to hes and takes position and I'm like man this is going to miss him man it's going to miss him this is good news and then this figure comes out of nowhere and this bombs come this way and take as got out of position to go get water what are the [ __ ] odds man I mean the odds are just like winning the lottery he's here the bomb's coming I'm just watching in slow motion and it just blows up and all I see is the white light coming in the world opens up you know that was the that was the that was the indicator to start the attack and they just started shooting and we [ __ ] destroyed them I mean we were we had our sectors of fire down we had our our um we had all the Avenues of approach locked down we knew the Dead Space I mean I wish I would have had that 203 we would have killed a lot more of them but we just crushed them and everybody was so disciplined sector sector we stayed within our sectors we trusted each other on their sectors and it was interlocking sectors of fire and it was like coming it was like coming into a freaking wood Chopper and we just everybody did awesome well it only took about 5 minutes really it's about as long as it was and a lot of you guys been in fire unless you've been in Afghanistan at a base where they just keep hammering you most firefights are only about that long they're going to and um it's like a boxing mess you know you're real quick and then there's some dead time unless they's just a massive massive force or you get stuck and they got the advantage but they're losing ass they're going to break contact get back and figure out something and they did well when that ended I looked and I'm thinking I'm going to go get T let's go pick up T cuz I figured he was dead how many uh I mean did you guys have any estimate in your in your head yeah yeah how many do you think that I think and I think the major I mean it's it's it was hard but I think we got attacked by maybe over that whole course of imp period not at one time 200 300 people two to 300 people but not it you know it was like that initial one was probably 40 40 guys fought them off and then there's another 40 so it could have been the same guys we didn't kill 40 I wish we were that good you you know and we're good at what we do but come let's be realistic but you know and then at the anic at the consulate yeah easily 4050 that we got countered I mean it was 4050 at a pop um and yeah we were killing them I mean I we we shoot him and that's that's the that's the you know a lot of US unless it's within a lot of us that have been in man and I'm not saying in a Bravado thing or a ego thing it's just how it is at a distance 5.56 if you hit somebody sometimes it doesn't keep them down yeah if close you're in it's going to if it's me to you and I hit you yeah you're going down you're not getting back up but at 50 75 100 met you might but generally they're going to be able to get back up and they they'll probably bleed out or throw out of the fight depending on where you hit them I mean or but that was where it could have been you know how many guy I would we have estimates I've seen estimates of Wikipedia like a thousand no 200 300 over the whole night and who knows some of those could have been attackers the same attackers um we killed I don't know I've got reports again I've seen reports a th no I think we killed I I know I I think 100 200 I think we did Oz had our had um had contact at the B at at the hospital there and you know o and I still talk we get along or not we still talk every once in a while and I remember when we got back I asked him I said you your contact cuz now you know we're Americans we like to keep score right and I said dude did you ever get a word how many we got man how many we killed and he goes I didn't ever get a number but he the my contact at the hospital said that they just kept bringing bodies and injured in all night so I was like well that's good enough for me I mean after that it didn't matter because it was nice seeing them turn tail and run that's even more and uh but yeah we fought him off and the reason TIG didn't die the gelatina bomb hit him and it landed right by his feet and blew up it's just cuz he's so big it would have stopped my heart you know it's just a big it's just a huge flashbang it's used for fishing it's for dropping in the Mediterranean blowing and fish come up you know it's it's Mediterranean redneck fishing and uh but it [ __ ] him up he still has problems shoulder goes numb his back's out of whack but he got up and that's a testament to how tough he is he got up and he got back in the fight and he actually got hit around we round hit his armor it was a piece of round it hit it hit the metal post and Shear either the post or some come and hit him and knocked him down and he got up and kept fighting and uh yeah he's a tough son [ __ ] he a tough redneck takes good good people man yeah and um but that was it was awesome and it would gave us a wave of confidence it did it's like okay we got this we we our we our battle plan our Force protection plan our sectors of fire the they're on right let's keep doing what we're doing and throughout that time frame you know we're still thinking Americans are going to help we're still thinking that the isrs is seeing everything and we're thinking somebody's coming cavalry's coming but they weren't but at that point in time we still had some faith that they were because they normally did everywhere else I was at Cavalry came whether it was another GRS team whether it was a scorpion team and NSA you know the GRS equivalent at the NSA whether it was military um somebody was Brits somebody was coming and um between that 2hour lull of 1:00 a.m. to 3:00 a.m. where the next attack happened that's where we started to come to realization nobody's com and um and the reason is cuz we had a uh we didn't put him in the movie um but we had a old Vietnam veteran that manned our radios our 117 he was a staffer with the agency great guy RTO in Vietnam wonderful guy he still cries every time we see him because he apologizes for not getting us help um we already had cure of elements on station you know it was you know we had a 911 call we could call cuz that's what we do JS that's what our jobs is is to coordinate with the other units so if we need people we can just hit a button go on 10 Alpha comment on 17 on the 117s and say we need help and we have 117 and every so often throughout the next couple hours Boone would come to me and say hey we got to hold the Delta man they're on our way on their way and little did we know they had were coming but they got diverted to I it's Croatia um 555th Fighter Wing that was our big we we always thought we had them they had two Jets at sud Bay gree sud Bay gree is 5 minutes with afterburners to Libya and then they had the 555th fighter ring the whole unit up in Aviano it's a qf base that's what's they're for we figured they were coming Boon's like no they're not coming the Fast Company Marines there was one in Spain and there was one in the med near sigonella and we thought they were coming they he'd keep coming back to me every after he' tell me somebody was coming he'd come back and say no they're not we're we're not getting words there's no confirmation they're coming um and then that cth the the ambassador's old the ambassador's primary security team the paner and extremist force that had been um increation and got repositioned to the staging area that was when I really knew nobody was coming CU When he said not they're they they're not on their way anymore either he came hey hey that SI team the commander team's coming you guys actually went through this entire checklist that's his job and that's our job and yes we went down the line every that's why politicians and that's why the CIA pisses me off that's our job they know that politicians may not know that but the agency knows that that's what our main response as GRS we're protective services and it's also to protect our asses if something happens to get the assets needed that we assets that are in the area to us if we need them so we had them all we knew them all it was I I was in charge of that when I was there but it's always you know every time it's passed down to some so it's always refined and improved and inine and reproved so it it was the RTO the Vietnam RTO that was that was his job and he was very good at and he and he was very supportive of us and um the reason um he cries when he sees us now I remember and I remember I saw him in Texas when I was doing lot of speaking back in 2016 and I got pissed at him we were out did a speaking event there in Fort Worth and his wife's wonderful lady they came now a drink with me and uh I think TIG was there as well and um I got pissed I got drunk and he hadn't said anything as far as testimony yet and he can blow the doors off all the help that was around there he could verify what we saw and I'm like qu being a [ __ ] [ __ ] dude stop go tell him what happened and he got up and I saw I felt bad he got up I saw tears in his eyes and he walked away his wife sitting there his wife's Texas s hard as Nails I go ma'am I'm sorry she goes no I've been telling him the same thing to tell and I said well why hasn't he he goes because they're going to pull his pant you in if he does where he don't get his retirement and I I was like okay I I never say anything about it again I love the guy I love him and he has a lot of info out there but I do respect people in their family and if that's not for my selfish reasons or anything else I understand that I never bugged him about it again um and I never will again CU I I respect that I do is it right no I don't think it's right but I still respect his decision and he did try he did try his ass off well 3:00 a.m. we get hit again and um it was like the movie show we just it was just they did the same tactics and we just crushed them it's like waves hit and retaining wall man and it was a it it was very very satisfying but it was man how long is this going to keep up because we had a ton of M4 ammo tons but we're eventually going to run out we're eventually going to get tired we're eventually they're eventually going to get figured out and hit us with a Car Bomb I was so shocked they hadn't hit us with a Car Bomb yet cuz that was when Iraq or Afghanistan that's probably what they would have just done Dr a car and blow up the wall but they hadn't so I was really shocked at that but you know you think about your family a little bit and before that second attack I had thought about my family and I just remembered the phone call and I just remembered it briefly and I I thought about them and I just remembered did the last thing they heard for me did I tell them I loved them and I did so I was okay didn't think about the rest of the night those the last words and my daughter my son and my wife know that I love them before I got off the phone yeah I told him I left it out of my head and rest t night and by 3:00 a.m. you're starting to get and what I was doing at that point in time having some self-reflection getting motivated that they are going to breach the walls probably eventually and then I'm I got to get it in my head that we may need to start it's going to get close quarter and we're going to maybe start stabbing it's going to start knifing and that's a totally different animal than shooting it's intimate and that's a my if you're used to that there's something wrong with you ment my opinion me shooting I understand I've done that it's it's kind of impersonal and because the way we're trained it's almost like you can imagine targets and also they're terrorists who gives a [ __ ] but when they're up and you got a stab that's different at least to Me Maybe not to others but it is and I you I got to get my mind right if that's going to happen so I'm starting to get the mind set of hand to hand you know so I respect those guys from World War II and World War I F trench fighting wow it's like God those those guys are bad I ain't [ __ ] those guys are badass but um and a ton of rats you know from Vietnam but uh we get word bubs coming in and um I didn't know this for for several years but bub actually ponied up money from his own bank account to rent that all Executives jet I don't know if he was ever paid back are you kidding I found that out actually I found it out from his his best friend Sean who runs bubs Naturals B he came on my podcast and I had no idea that I didn't know that wow but that tells you how bub is yeah ponied up money I'm sure he was I think I think what Sean said is the seal Foundation came in and actually reimburse I don't the see I ever paid him which [ __ ] them anyway but anyway that's buob man that's bub his own money and they rented Executives jet it was it was like a G6 was it was nice it it did have flight attendant on there serious no [ __ ] flight T cuz they were waiting for us when we got to Bina and um but he gets there and they got there actually at midnight and they just it took them so long to coordinate to get the 10 km our place by the time they got to our place it was about 5:00 a.m. and um they get there and I remember them coming in and I remember I was being my smart ass self I'm I was saying hey [ __ ] welcome to the party [ __ ] better late than never man you bring me something to drink and I remember Bob BB walked by and the TL that was with him he was a former BW guy that went to the dark side because he started sleeping with a case officer married her though it wasn't bad he married her but he would become a Stafford but they both went they walked by me and they did like [ __ ] Tano and they both flipped me on they I was giving them [ __ ] and um they went back all them all the GRS guys aside from bub went in a building C there were two Delta guys that were worked with us in Tripoli uh they went in a building C2 and Bub was the only one that came up to build I mean building uh building yeah Building C yeah the the the headquarters building and then bub went on top of building C so like I said keep in mind here I'm on building a building C's uh I'm sorry building a here Building C here B they're in B I'm sorry that's a headquarter building building B and then building a or building uh I'm getting confused here A B C D sorry a they went in Building C D here Jack's here Boon still up here I went on the front gate building which is a and I need to take a crap couldn't get wa relieved me and uh bo said go take a [ __ ] so I Sky down you body function still happen when all this you you know that they don't stop scurried down the stairs took my [ __ ] got back up and uh all sudden a and it didn't sound like a mortar it didn't and I don't know my hearing had been sh shot out you I had to ear piece in one ear but I didn't we're hearing protection in the other so and Boon been shooting sr25 by my ear all night and I'm shooting either my M4 46 so my hearing's gone and I went did you guys hear that it sounded like somebody's it's you know what it sounded like when we used to hear the the 107s come in in Iraq that's what it sounded like I thought it was a rocket I said you guys hear that and then I don't know something in me said Mor I go mortars mortars and so said take cover the first one hit and hit on the back side of building SE and that's when the World opened up again and I remember ran he just spun he spun and he went sicklick on that other 46 and he's just over where the Sheep Slaughter us say they're trying to come through there now like idiots they're walking their their troops into where the mortars are coming fine with me they can take out their own guys if they want but ran is just so I'm seeing this laser beam because it's not daylight the movie it shows this daylight is actually was a a before morning nautical twilight so it's you know it's right when the sun's may but the night vision you still need your night vision um so I'm watching all this I'm seeing one guy turn and start to shoot that direction I'm seeing another guy turn which was Oz the next guy was bub then the next guy was Dave uin and of course I want to get my gun in the fight but I can't see the targets because they're here I'm here the targets they're coming from this direction Morts are coming from this way so I'm shooting over their heads at put a couple rounds down and I look and I think you know we kind of already went through this before but I look behind me to make sure there's nobody coming from my six cuz I still got areas of responsibility nobody's there I turn off h a couple more shots and I see the next one hit and this one hits on Building C hits right by the parit wall boom blows up as my night vision goes white and it comes back those four guys that were shooting are now three so it's like it was it's like you know close your eyes you see four open your eyes there's three Dave's hit Dave got hit with so 81 it sheared half his leg off it sheared half his arm off they were on but they were just hanging by tendons and and he's screaming and he I like how did you hear that I don't know how I heard it but I heard him screaming I'm here he's yelling he's screaming I hear all I could hear it I'm still shooting they're still shooting I turn around to make sure nobody's coming again because I still got my six we still got to fight we got to finish it you can't quit they got to take care of Dave I'm not run off my position and help him somebody I'm just expecting Maybe the Delta guys or somebody to come up in help but who I don't know we got a fight to go I put three rounds over the top of their head I went boom boom boom and as soon as I did that three three mortars fire for effect boom boom boom and when they did that my night vision went completely white because the overabundance of light and as it came back they were gone and I saw the pixie dust I saw the charg particles cuz any of those explosions if it's fine particles or dust and and there's not a lot of wind and there wasn't and there's a lot you can see the particles coming down because they get charged or heated so I'm watching the pixie dust come down and it it really did look like they got turned to dust my brain's like cuz they're gone all a sudden they're gone and there's a cloud of dust I'm like man I we can't beat this we don't have any air support I put my head down said 4 and God and I know it was God it was God on my mom and he said get your gun up Ranger I kept fighting and Jack kept fighting and buo kept fighting and we fought those guys off that were coming for us Bo and Jack permer they had better Avenue fields of fire than I did but and they did awesome but um the mortar stopped and at the time I was like wow wonder why they stopped I mean they hit with the building they wanted to hit it was far for effect they had that thing locked in that's our main building that's skiff that's where all of our troops are that's where all of our equipment is that's where all of our all of our comms are is that building they knew which building to hit unlike David Petraeus who needs his R Ranger tab pull that said well it must have been a truck and they just ran a truck and they just rap haphazardly put a Mt tube in the back of a TR come on man come on man what's up infantry officer I got respect for petres but when he said that I'm like dude come anyway the reason they stopped the movie I wish they would have edited it a little bit better you see the militia take off before the mortars came they actually took off after that first sh when I heard that sh they must have heard it they I don't know they must have known what it was more than me which then my hering had gone to [ __ ] they took off and then that first one hit they went to take the mortar team out for us their Commander had actually come in with our team and he was in Building C when those mortars were hidden so there that first one there they scattered because that's their tactics they knew something was coming a mortar was coming in so they're moving their vehicles so they're not part of the Carnage and then I could hear in the Distance Tire screeching gunfire then the direction where the Moors were coming from and they went and took the morar team out for us because their Commander had got caught in building sea when the attack happened Lord Works mysterious ways brother yeah no and um the ironic thing is to is the mortar team that whole militia belonged they were former Omar Gaddafi commanders wow we got saved you know we got saved byar KFI so yeah so for anybody to think that we went in there to overthrow Gaddafi that's [ __ ] we went in there to destabilize a region so the Muslim Brotherhood could come in and stabilize it under that foreign policy under the Obama Administration and we needed Gaddafi's weapons to go and give to the friendly militias as McCain would say but anyway they saved us and mor stopped and then at 700 a.m. you know a militia was coming in and I remember there were just me and Boone and Jack left nobody and it would piss me nobody would come and relieve us it was like dude I was like guys G us guys Delta will somebody come give us a break I mean come on it's like having a patrol base and you know you got to give guys breaks nobody would come Rel us so we stayed up there and I remember Bob said t Delta guys didn't come up no and I'm I got no heartache with I I did for a get big time what were they doing I don't know I that's a good question I have no idea um and they're Delta I know they do hardcore [ __ ] and I got no heartache with them and I'm not trying to throw them in the us here it's just it is what it is and I know they're they're [ __ ] Warriors because they're Delta you you kind of have to be to be at the unit now I've seen guys bolo shoots at from the unit too going through TDC and and going but like anybody they have bad days but they I I just I don't know maybe they're on a different I I I would like to know if you ever get them on I would love to know what the hell they were doing maybe it was document destruction destroying classified documents of why we were there I don't know I mean that's what we put in the movie Michael Bay actually has a pretty good he has a pretty good he has his own peeps within the agency that feed him [ __ ] in DOD because they love him because he makes them look really good which he should he's honoring he loves veterans so maybe that's maybe he put that in there because that's what they were doing I don't know and but all I know is they couldn't they wouldn't relieve us cuz I kept calling for him then I kept making fun like hey uh D boys you think you could come reli us I got to get a drink of water you know I was just on the the open mic so everybody could hear it so I was being my normal jackass pissed off so anyway when the militia was coming in Bob says to me he goes T you got the front gate he goes make sure this militia that we got coming is friendly all I had left was my M4 that's all I had ammo left for it's all I had my peashooter it's daytime now and um I remember asking Bob I go Roger that Chief I got front gate understood can you give me some description of who I'm looking for he goes I don't know Tano I said Bob I said Chief do you have vehicle colors Insignia I an ID he goes we don't have any of that information and I'm the TL needs to be start chipping in I'm asking the TL the same things I go there uniforms I can look for do I have communication via cell phone my my my burn phone can I call somebody you guys have communication we lost communication I go give me a number number Bob at least he goes our team leader comes across R and he goes Tano the with the numbers between 30 to 50 they're all technicals like holy [ __ ] and I got on the radio and we didn't put in the movie but I I said and you guys expect me to fight these [ __ ] off with a peas shooter I said Roger that again no response cuz why why keep poking the bear cuz they I'll keep giving him [ __ ] and I just said to him and I go on my radio I clicked it one more time I said Bob you've been a plethora of information and I I really appreciate and being a smartass and I went dark and I saw him coming Pablo played it I it still breaks I mean it does it breaks my heart when I see it because he played it so spoton because that's how exactly I felt I'm watching these technicals and it is a huge militia they bad you know you know what technicals are those Hues with those discas or anti-aircraft guns in the back or a PKM mounted and it's it's bad militia and uh as they're coming in I get behind that parit wall at 3 foot high and I made myself a small as I could and I had the EOTech it was on and I put the EOTech on the passenger because I'm thinking to myself you know hey this ain't over it's not over till it all over it's not over till it ends man and I'm dead or they're dead it's probably going to be me and all I'm thinking is that diska is going to rip me in half and I hope it's quick but I'm thinking to myself I'm at least going to get one of them and I got my infrared dot I mean my uh EOTech on the passenger who looks like a commander I don't know but he's passenger and then I'm just rotating back and forth from the diska Gunner to the pasture because if I see the diska Gunner move and he hits that fly I'm going hit that fly then fly trigger I'm going to pull pull my trigger at least get him and then I'll get ripped up but I just couldn't think of anything else I had no way to connect them I learned the Jambo and mosul at morz because we had suing these guards and every time we leave the gate they would throw up the Jambo to me in 2008 so one day I stopped and asked him I said what does that mean d they this it means good morning it officially is Swahili it means good morning you'll see it on shirts and app I said jumbo but because the shock is much cooler and it's be cool they've kind of adopted that that's what they told me I said so it just means be cool so I would throw that up and every time I threw it up if I wanted to see if somebody was friendly if I got it back I'm here so nine times out of 10 It was friendly and I couldn't take it anything else and I went like this and I man I was I I was you could have put a lump of cult my ass it would have been a diamond like that I was like just tight and they're both chewing cot I remember the cck cuz they had big wats of cot in their mouth for those that don't know what cot is it's an amphetamine they dip before they go into battle it's a it's like a leaf but it's it's like chewing Copa it's like mixing Copenhagen with cocaine and steroids it's what it is and it rot your teeth it turns your mouth Brown you chew it all enough it's it's it makes you look like a heroin addict if you chew it and they look like they' been chewing it forever just gross and caught everywhere and I remember doing this I went like this and I I'm thinking to myself this is going to hurt and the pasture reached out and he smiled at me he smiled huge cot Brown teeth and he went and he was that close I could see him that vividly and he smil threw the Jambo up and the disca Gunner got took it one hand off the fly took off that diska the back and he went like this no and it was [ __ ] and I said people watch the movie like that's so that's so dramatized like oh that's the [ __ ] what happened and I said my wife is gorgeous my kids are beautiful beautiful smiles but they know this and I told him I said honey I love you H you got a beautiful smile but that SM that that c fil still just the most beautiful smile I've ever seen in my life and and I did I did lose it it was like for briefly I did I just kind of let it out and I got on the radio and I went there with us there with us and I I me I'm hoping the movie what Al them felt like you seen the movie I'm hoping that's how they felt in there where it just was somebody what had happened and I I don't know how Bob didn't get this [ __ ] information since the commander was right in there the buddies that took the militi the militia that took the MTAR team out they went and got more of their buddies so they just got more Qaddafi people so we got saved by Qaddafi twice wow and that and uh and then we got out of there you know and got to the Airfield and there was some there was some fights over our vehicles I mean in the movie It showed a few guys there was actually probably about 15 guys that wanted our vehicles it was kind of common cuz some guy inded is AK when they were fighting over so we're in the middle and we're trying to get people on and in this game this is respect I have for oos and I've said it before I think it was either with you or with uh but again you respect even if you don't like people you respect and give respect when it's due and again he did he was John Wayne he said the coolest [ __ ] thing and he did say this when we got there we were trying to help him off the back of the truck and get on the plane and he wouldn't let us help he climbed his yeah for real not he climbed his own ass down from the building bleeding I don't know if he said it during his interview he may have but that was pretty [ __ ] impressive he was down pepper shrap arms playing off and he he climbed down a ladder one-handed he slipped on a rung and caught himself with his elbow and then he walked himself down so me and O may not get along but he's one of the toughest son [ __ ] I've ever been with and when he said that I was like God dang I wish I would have said that I said damn that's some John Wayne clinty with [ __ ] right there and he walked in there and the flight attendants were what did he say again I walked into this country I'm going walk out he said it wasn't movie it wasn't script that's what he said we're all standing there and all of us were like damn man I'll say it's um it's just nice to hear you guys have a healthy respect for each other you do you have to you go through that and uh I said you don't you're not going to get along with everybody you can't hang out with every I'm not for everybody believe believe me they' be like man I hate that son [ __ ] but if I need him and I want him on with me in the front with me and there are some that don't some I hate that some [ __ ] I don't want anywhere near me And there's some that man if we go through the gates of hell I want you standing right next that's just that's just humans that's just how we are you're not going to like everybody but if you have a job to do and this goes in corporate world this goes in the military anywhere private military you have a goal you need to reach that goal you better be all on the same Focus the same path now you may have different jobs but don't create more drama by not liking each other and that that's a good leader that puts you in positions that don't make you co-mingle all the time which ran did he put us in jobs and responsibilities that if we had to do stuff together we did but if it wasn't necessary then he wasn't forcing us so we had a healthy dose of each other when we needed but if we didn't like we didn't write all together it wasn't necessary for us to me and him do do the do the I can't call you know it's got names for it wasn't necessary for us to do the meetings and the pickups and all that together you didn't do that you didn't and you had leaders that would force guys to ride you don't want no we didn't like each other so there's other guys Oz T you just don't have to ride together there's plenty other people here and they put us in different Vehicles yeah so um but the what was funny and comical on that is is uh it only showed in the movie that the the flight attendant put one towel down on the stairs cuz o was bleeding over everything she actually came down was putting multiple towels all along the stairs and was putting them in the fusel [ __ ] cuz she was more worried about blood getting all over the plane then then Oz helping Oz into the plane she didn't give him my hand nothing she just let him walk up like wow if that ain't honestly that's probably more closer to humanity today how people are today that it really was back then but he got on there and uh Dave God bless bub dude bub sacrificed his life saved two guys he gave himself John 15:13 man you exemplified that Dave and Oz would have bled out Dave was bleeding out he went into a con he went into convulsions twice because his tourniquets kept coming loose so he was losing so much blood we were out of IVs but because that plane was there we had a little bit of a miss a little bit of a problem when we got everybody on the plane as we got everybody on the plane we heard a pop somebody shot their gun on the plane the heating and air guy had a pistol all if all the contractors had sidearms if they were weapons qualified our HVAC guy that was a contractor there with us he had a pistol he took it out to clear it dropped the magazine and instead of racking the slide he pulled the trigger and he shot the plane so the plane sat there for an extra 10 minutes while we tried to locate the Bullet cuz the pilot wouldn't fly if there was a hole in the Fus Lodge and we got lucky it lodged in one of the iron frames with the back of a seat wow add insult to injury and just comical comical [ __ ] wow and finally we found it that's when it got out of there and um there was a Libyan a western trained Libyan doctor and one of the Deltas had 18 Deltas had got back to Tripoli um from that I I don't if it was from the sift team or he'd come in from jibuti or but there was a Delta that was waiting there an 18 Delta from one of the groups that was working in the region and I still don't know who it was I just know it was it was an SF guy and they got they got him stabilized Dave stabilized Dave good to go they got Oz good to go and then we sat and waited and that's when I inspected the ambassador's body they brought his body on I opened up the body bag and again I don't think he was Des you know his genitals were mutilated I didn't look and I didn't see blood down there but that doesn't mean nothing they could have cleaned it up and just pulled his pants on but I didn't see any marks that indicated he was drugged through the streets which is what I was looking for TIG looked at him too and Tig didn't see anything that indicated that as well so we're saying no could it have happened sure could have but we didn't see it um C130 landed at 10:30 and as I'm seeing it come in you you you know you've been you know the telltale signs even from a distance of what a 130 looks like coming in it's beautiful coming in dueling just cracking looking at the tail boom and I'm thinking to myself F well better late than never America who and uh as it gets closer I'm like are my eyes deceiving me I that that's red green and black that's not an American flag and as it gets closer I verified it's a Libyan flag and it lands and I remember thinking what it's like still and I said it to myself myself out loud to myself I said still no Americans whatever goes down I figure we're going to hotload it so it's going to drive it's going to drop its ramp and we're going to it's going to turn and then we're just going to run in and take off it didn't it went by us went down about 400 to 600 M Bank to right shut its engines down and that's odd okay well maybe they need to refuel and I look at my te I look at the the te I go is that for us he goes I don't know and our country te was there as well and I asked him I go is that for us we jumped in some cars that we had left we jumped in the we had another interpreter um that was our expediter from the airport he had a vehicle jumped down there they were all sitting in the room drinking chai they were they were maxing relaxing went to the pilots we're like is this for and they had no idea what had just happened they no idea what had just happened and we ended up talking them into flying us out have faith man wow have faith God I always tell people never lose your faith it's amazing that if you have faith your luck increases it just showed up and that was something that honestly I pushed when we were doing all the testimonies and I nobody really ever cared wow um so I just let it go I I don't push it anymore but I like to tell about it because it is a question it is a man God still in control man yeah and um I am going to talk about the I do because this is why I don't when like Obama or anyone Mike Rogers he's Republican he talks [ __ ] about Benghazi he's terrible man whenever they call conspiracy or they say oh it didn't happen the way they said they did when we got on that plane and forgive me Katie and Bub's family but I do want to talk because this is this is why politicians need to shut their [ __ ] mouths is Bub's rig and mortise had sit in so his arm was when we got on the plane we l the bodies in we didn't have body bags for everybody so we had to put sheets a sheet over bub because we didn't have enough and he had get he had gotten dropped off the roof by the D boys they dropped him I don't know why again I I've come to turn with that I'm not going to beat those guys up they're they're they're hey man they're D boys I know they serve their country well and they're they're they did well you if you ever have Mom you can ask them but his arm was up in the air so was you know we had him covered with a sheep but his arm was like this the whole time it's like an elephant in the room you're on a C130 and I'm on the we're sitting on this side on the webbing and they're sitting on that side of the webbing and you're seeing these dead bodies here and everybody's pretty much covered up but Bub's arm is out there and and everybody's just staring at it I'm like what the [ __ ] okay I was like [ __ ] if I have to be the one to do it I didn't say it but that's what I thought and I walked over there and I thought it was disrespectful to leave him like that so I just grabbed his arm and I went and I ripped it down and I felt everything ripped but I could tuck his arm underneath the the sheet so it could so we couldn't see it anymore and um you know I I I don't I don't know if that was right or not but I just I couldn't WR an hour watching his and everybody was staring at it and it was just silent on the plane it's like nobody wanted to acknowledge that that had that was going on or maybe what had just happened and it was like f was I and maybe this is the I have everybody I have a little sociopath because it's like man do I always have to be the one to to do the do the dirty [ __ ] that's what I kind felt but it but I'm glad I did because I I know I I thought it was more disrespectful to leave his arm up in the air and leave him in that position and get him settled get his arm underneath and have him be in a respectful position and that still bothers me and I don't really talk I don't talk about that too much because one of all I don't talk about it a lot because uh it bothers a [ __ ] obviously um but because I I don't want to disrespect the dhy family by saying that that you know maybe it they they would think of it like a desecration and that's not what it was for me I mean you did it out of respect man that's that's what I that's what it was and and it's not a rationalization and I uh but I also you you're just doing the best you can that's it you always respect family though you always respect other people's family because especially people you serve with because you want them to respect your family and and I love I think Katie and what she's done with the Glen Dy Memorial foundation and and and and Glenn's brother with they they're amazing people and um Mrs dhy passed away I think a few years ago well but um now I have the most respect for them because they lost their son needlessly and um I just didn't want to harp on that but I do want people to understand and know that so when they hear a politician say Benghazi is a conspiracy or magazi didn't happen or those guys are not telling the story right I want them to hear stuff like that because that's that's why I get angry nobody believes politicians hope they don't I hope not well regardless that happened and we got back to Tripoli and went back and you know we we got off the plane we went to the uh the annex there in Tripoli I I took a shower and got some food food and I was a big Copenhagen Dipper at the time so I was like man does somebody have Copenhagen I need some Co big dip in there's actually a picture there was one picture taken of me sitting on the steps of the annex and tripley I borrowed somebody's New York Yankees hat I didn't have any clothes cuz it wasn't able to get my gear so I borrowed somebody's white Under t-shirt and I had somebody's pants on that didn't fit me so it looks like I'm a lot bigger than what I am down there but I'm not CU they were tight too tight on me and I'm have a big old dip in and my sunglasses on and I'm trying to come to terms with it all and I got some food in my belly and then uh then we they load all the contractors none of the staffers they load all the contractors on a B on a motorcade the Jer guys are there we load in their cars we drive down the Airfield the Air Force crew chief she was awesome broke every rag in the world to let us load those flag drape coffins they already had the flag she was incredible she already had them flag drap coffins ready to go pristine it was you couldn't have done any better than that do she was incredible and the the pilot Eric stall Lieutenant Colonel Eric stall who was a c17 wonderful every rig in the world they broke to accommodate us they had already loaded Oz is Oz was already on I got I'm not going to post it because it's it's for Oz you know but I got a picture of him where he's in his gurnie IV's in he's coherent he's doing this to me but he's on the plane Dave is sedated of course he's out cuz he's massive massive trauma get the Coffins on ramp closes we take off and we fly to uh fly to Germany and then we get to Germany and um plain Lance I didn't let go of my rifle the whole time or my ammo give two [ __ ] it's not going anywhere stay right next to me with my ammo so when we get there and I wish I would have known what I know now about General ham but he's on the way to greet us the eurom commander he's the one that controls the eurocom forces there he's the one that can sacrifice his position and tell Obama and Hillary to go f themselves and send US troops well he gets on and I don't even remember what he said to be honest with you I just remember he said something positive to us you know he's infantry guy Ranger tab all that and all I remember is I remember going up to him saying Hey sir is there an amnesty box anywhere cuz I got a bunch of ammo I need to I need to download and that's my conversation with him but if I would have known that he didn't he could have sent people and he didn't and I probably would had a different conversation but I didn't know at the time yeah he goes yeah sir he's he's a good job he goes great job man and he goes it's right over there and I walk over there and there's a Sargeant hor like a sergeant h i don't say Sergeant hars but whatever the ammo Dr and there's a there's a sergeant there uh and I gave a Tech Sergeant Air Force guy I gave him the ammo and uh that's why I always tell people support the Uso because they were already there waiting for us and this lady come she was the nicest lady 50s something lady blonde hair about 5 fo 6 she comes up to me and she goes she goes she they already know what happen they know what happened they know the story they know where coming from um anyway they don't know where agency they just know that there was a battle there's some deaths there's some military and some civilians coming in get your [ __ ] ready and they already had stuff laid out like toilet trees underwear you know clothes shoes and she comes up to me and she goes what' you lose she goes what you you okay I said yes ma'am she goes what' you lose I said ma'am I lost everything she goes okay and she started taking me around and I got some you know I got some jammies I got some sweats Uso sweats and and I got my toiletries and then we got to the end of it she goes write down what you need I said ma'am she goes no I need you to write down what you need cuz you might be here for about four or five days I said every what she goes anything so I'm just doing you know I lost my tennis shoes I lost my jeans I lost my t-shirts and I gave her a list and it was it was a full page of stuff I lost I wasn't being a dick I lost my you know lost my PlayStation was like I stuff I I handed it to her and I go back to my room and they put us into a nice room it's Air Force it's nice rooms man it's like a hotel I it felt like a hotel we put us in we're right next to the BX which Air Force Base Exchange Army PX Post Exchange Air Force BX and I lay down for a second I can't sleep I knock on my door at 1:00 a.m. cuz we're we got in real late we got in like at 11: to the to Germany when we finally got there and it was her and she had two bags she goes here she goes I got your stuff and um I didn't I didn't break down in front of her but I did what I Clos the door cuz it was first time I'd felt where PE where someone generally cared like actually gave a [ __ ] not like Bob who came after when we're at tripley and he goes thanks man thank you and I I think he was trying to be sincere but when you're that long in the agency your sincerity is never no not there anymore or having somebody say man great job it wasn't and the GRS guys they don't know what you know we what do we say you know it it I know it's sincere but it's a it's like good job fist bone but actual like a mother figure saying caring it meant a lot and um and then I uh you I put the clothes on she got me some jeans she got me some running shoes I felt normal and uh to shower and then I slept for about four or five hours and then I got up and I turned the TV on and I saw Susan Rice already on TV and I remember I called Jack and they were saying video and a protest and I like I said are you seeing this [ __ ] [ __ ] and we turned it on and I just turned it off and I he turned it off and we didn't want to watch it cuz we figured at that point we're like somebody's going to tell the truth you still have some optimism that there's some heart and some integrity within the government that somebody is going to say something and we still had that at that point it had only been a day you know who knows if I had have known what I know now 12 years later it probably would have been more vocal at that point in time but we still had that we still had that faith that there was still integrity and ethics and morality in DC we hadn't seen behind the curtain yet we had a little bit but not really you know because we didn't that wasn't our job and we stayed on there and then uh I remember that night we got super piss drunk there's still a picture that I'll post every once in a while of Me Jack Boone and Tig and actually the safe to part Alec was on one side but I'll crop him out because I just I don't know if he wants to be seen and I'm smiling a little bit and I still I I honestly feel bad that I'm doing like what the I'm looking at going what the [ __ ] am I smiling at but I remember that I'm just trying to get through it and I remember that I was I was drunker than [ __ ] dude I was so Dr and we had been laughing together healing together before that picture was taken cuz TIG was telling me man did you man this is what I did and boom and some of the [ __ ] is comical that's why I'm glad we got the comical [ __ ] in the movie because that's you know you know that happens man they miss the bravado is there in all the movies Lone Survivor America sniper blackhaw down you know even ours but they miss a lot of the Jack asery and that's one thing we like Mike we got to get that in there because that that happens that's actually more re more prevalent than the brav bravado and so I remember we were telling a story and I can't remember the story that it was but we were laughing because I was like holy [ __ ] I can't believe that just I think it was I think it was TIG talking when he said when he uh one of the one of the spos one of the base security guys that we had there called TIG in of the office said can you come look at the monitor um I've got some problems in uh in um the Sheep slaughterhouse area and he went down there to look and the Sheep were jumping on each other and he's like yeah I went down there and I was watching these videos and the Sheep were running around in a circle and they were jumping on each other and jumping on each other well all the Sheep are doing they're trying to get away but they can't get away cuz they're in a pen they're in a circle and it looks like they're humping and he did that the the ba the SPO goes so you think people are sneaking under there he goes I don't know it's either that or the sheeper humping and the the SPO goes well what do you think it is he goes he goes man it was like 2:30 at night goes I don't know nothing about sheep so it was just funny it was dumb but it was funny cuz it was just again ludicrous [ __ ] so when you see that in the movie you're like was that part of the no that actually that that happened and that's that's what's so funny about and it is funny and and with 13 hours but it's just the night in itself is just just the stupid [ __ ] that the stupid stuff that we said to just to make each other laugh or just stuff that comes out of your mouth or rub some dirt on a kid you know after a guy blows his hand off I mean it's it's there and and and I I still remember laughing and getting in that picture because of that story that TIG told and but when I look back at the pick though it still hurts me a little bit because I there's nothing I need to be smiling about there we had just lost two guys we just lost in Ambassador We Lost Sea who hadn't seen com that's two weeks I've been doing that for 10 years and I've been pretty relatively unscathed he's dead and here I am smiling a day after the attack all of us were and it it it bothers me that picture I still will post it because I do want it tell always any picture that I post on social media I know it's not the cool thing to do I always have a story behind it cuz I want it's therapeutic for me but also maybe someone will learn from yeah you know but yeah we there and then we went home um the reason they kept all the staffers there um including Sarah she's she can tell you more about it than I can she has already she's already talked about it and they flew us out is because they didn't want our input on how they were going to write the report of what took place so they flew all of us contractors out I didn't know that either if any of us would have known that we thought they were just being cool it's like oh they're getting us out of here we got to go home it was no cuz they're going to fly portray us in so they can get debriefed without us here's Agency for it w that's it wow we went back to um went back to langland you know you you stop you turn in your dip passport you do your debrief that's where I we did our our big debrief up on the seventh up on um 7th floor and we went through this is what happened we we mapped it all out we stayed there for an extra day we went through what we all did and um you know they did a big like really was just a big a like you do in the military we're up there and this is we moove we're again and then we went downstairs and we sat with all the GRS head [ __ ] out of you know that worked out of the out of Langley there the guys that worked out of the building and that's where we went through another AR they're like what' you do what happened and that's when they asked me like I just said ear when we talked about earlier about our TL they go so how' the TL do and they said his name and I said you did great and really and Boon kind of looked at me like and I said yeah he did great cuz he stayed out of the [ __ ] way what was their reaction what are they going to say to me it was one put his head down and snickered cuz he knew who he was the other two they just looked at me didn't say a word and I didn't say a word and I looked right back at him and Boon was laughing the whole time too Boon's laughing so what could they say I got no what are they going to say to me I not but been around long enough I know who you guys are you know who I am we can and I what would a normal human being say to you nothing and uh these people who the hell knows well I was also and not that I'm I got I've I've gotten my ass kicked enough times but I'll fight if we need to fight and that's what it was like he stayed out of the [ __ ] way and it was stay out of the [ __ ] way and then when my eyes I'm going what the [ __ ] are you guys going to do about it yeah and yeah they probably Whoop I'm a little guy I get my ass get situation but it's it's that I mean there's just so many staffers that have no concept of what that might be like because they haven't done it they've never done anything and uh nothing and do you know what that's I don't that's why I didn't get any response back because if they would have had a set of balls they would somebody would have said something but I do also think the one that was laughing that snickering and smiling giving a little smirk he had been downrange before I'd worked him a few times they also knew the truth they knew what were they they knew they knew that he wasn't going to do anything so that's why one was in the corner going you know it's Boon's sitting there going after he looks at me and I said it he's like he just started laughing Boon doesn't laugh you like that he just started laughing and everybody's on our side Snicker and so what are they going to say they know I'm right and if they did then they would but nobody said no nobody said anything and then I also continue to work what's that staffer who did oh yeah he's still working the the TL he's still working pretty sure he's still working he's still come on you know the deal he ain't going nowhere he he he played the role he didn't say a word when he testified he testified against everything that we said he never testified with us he testified on his own he testified once with TIG cuz TIG was still working TIG was the last one to quit all of us went to Yemen T went to Lebanon so myself and Jack went to sa after we took our 30-day our 60 days off and then we went back son bone went to Aiden T went to Lebanon you only took 60 days off I took 75 I took an extra couple weeks yeah that's it I had to get back on that horse man what was the what was the first conversation like with your wife and kids I actually called her from the Airfield there's a wonderful wonderful I'm glad they got this right in the movie you just see Jack's perspective where he calls home we paraphrase in the movie because we got all what we all said then they we had a wonderful writer named Chuck Hogan who mashed it together and got all of our BAS our words in into that monologue when Jack's on his phone or krinski and I remember I called her on the atar Mac and I said hey you're going to see something on the news that's us I said I'm fine I love you I said I'll be home as soon as I can and then she goes what happened I said I can't really talk about it but we lost one and I metant Rong and you know this still bothers me a little bit too cuz I really wasn't thinking about bub I was thinking of the teammate even though BB had come from Tripoli but I said we lost and I said on an open line I said we lost ran and um that's all I can say said I'll talk to you when I get to and I didn't know where I was going I I said I'll talk to you when I talk to you and I hung up the phone and uh yeah I I every one of us had a phone call like that Jack's Jack was the closest to rone out of all of us there Ron and Bub so his conversation was a little bit more emotional than than ours but it was it still was hey you're going to see some on the news it's over we're okay or I'm okay yeah we we lost some people be home when we can love you bye and then uh my conversation when I got to Germany was a little bit more in depth but I had to be careful because you we're on open lines and it wasn't I was worried about the bad guys listening to us it was I started to figure it out yeah you know Toto started to open that curtain where the Great and Powerful Oz was and I started to see who who the enemies not really are cuz the terrorists are the enemies too but that we also have enemies in our own house that don't want the truth to come out so I was I was more careful about what I would talk about on an open line um and then when we got back to Langley and all that you know there are debriefs I did also tell them as well because of that because of that uh 203 incident where TIG lost the 203 and I couldn't find that other one I sat down with them cuz you can [ __ ] about a problem but if you're going to [ __ ] about a problem have a solution to it and I remember sitting there with him I go you guys know that for some reason we didn't have enough 69s out there I said if we would have had enough 203s for all of us the fight would have ended way before it did you know at 5:30 we would have crushed them they would never have touched this again so in the future every jurus operator is has to be just like when we were in the military everybody has to have a 6 everybody has to have M4 everybody has to have a 203 everybody has to have an sr25 everybody has to have the right gear for the right op and then they get a pick which gear they need when they head out cu this is [ __ ] I said we're the agency and we don't have enough 203s I said what the [ __ ] is that obviously Phil on defers but I even said I said even ground branch has every weapon system they need and I get it they're da we're not but but that's horseshit this is why everybody needs every weapon system because if this happens again and we lose one we're not out an entire weapon system that could have been a GameChanger a force multiplier like a 203 and from what I heard and you kept working I don't think I think that fell on DEA ears it didn't it fell on DEA ears so [ __ ] those [ __ ] those pieces of [ __ ] how hard is it to get an extra 203 or an extra 46 for the guys when especially when there's only five guys on it on a team or an extra glm something you know so but I remember saying that to him because I was pretty pissed I was I was pissed at that because again I felt like we're the run of the litter and so what if we are but guess what this run of the litter just turn the tables without any assets at all it's not easy being a ranger or Delta or seal it's not you're doing da stuff but it is nice and it is heartening to have a Spectra gunship [ __ ] overlook you it is nice if you are a Seal Team going out there to have a patona Rangers that got your back or vice versa when you're on your own and that's it and you don't have all those assets it's it can be a it can it can be a little bit more scary that you don't have all those protections and so that's why give us everything we need and I'm not asking for much it's not like I'm asking for a Dap cover I'm not asking for you know I'm just asking for can y'all get us at least each of us have a 20 three how long did it take you Chris for I mean I mean you were abandoned by the US government yeah in all aspects that's that's I wish I could tell you different but that's that's what happened how long did it take you to rid yourself of that anger 200 um the end of 2017 2018 when I reconciled my wife I tried to from 14 on six years six years yep cuz all that time in between and that's when we had gotten divorced I was sleeping around you know that's why we got divorced it was me and my me and my infidelity I was drinking a shitload I was drinking all the time um I was gone all the time I was speaking how did you reconcile that first you have to reconcile with God man how'd you do that stood in the mirror and said God I need your help help carry me I can't do this anymore after uh I even remember exactly what I was I was I was uh at home by myself because you know they lived out I lived by my Liv by myself I was you know was a divorce our little I still had our little guy you our little guy was still a baby so that was hard cuz I was like holy [ __ ] I'm missing childhood a child again because of my own stupidity but I remember I was in the shower doing The Crying Game thing in the shower I was like my life sucks this is awful you know and I had you know I had millions of followers this is before I [ __ ] canned all my social media accounts so I had like a [ __ ] I don't remember 275,000 followers on Instagram and I think I had 300 on Twitter when it was Twitter and so Facebook was like I that was what was important in my life right that is so [ __ ] enterc vapid but that's what was my focus was was myself ego and and I realized that that wasn't that was leaving me Hollow than the toxic relationships then trying to fill it with alcohol then trying to fill it with money I had a lot of money tons of money didn't make me happy and um it was when I realized that I can't do this anymore God I need you I I do I need you I was in the shower I did The Crying Game thing crying in the shower naked got out of the shower I had my glock it was right there and I I looked in the mirror and I did I I put it right here and I thought back you know I thought I just briefly I said okay hard life you have you had it not hard as but you know was rough you you you you got this disease that you're you're winning you're winning the Crohn's disease fight you got it under control you got kicked out of the military you fought your way to get back in you made it and you got through Ranger school and you did what you want to do there you conquered that even though their odds were against you your your grandson of immigrants that work their asses off to give you everything you've got that Gene of that you don't give up like your grandma you're a Willa and a Willa Willa and Willow and then 10 years overseas seeing death and seeing life and getting through all that making a bad call in Iraq that I made a bad call in Iraq where a little Iraqi girl died that I could have saved her in 2005 in the Monsour District he went through Benghazi and he got through that and now the devil's going to win this battle for your soul that's what I thought and I looked in the mirror and that's when I said I looked around I said God carry me I can't do this and I H just put the gun down and I stopped crying and I went and grabbed the phone and I called my my she was my ex-wife the time Tanya and they were on vacation in Disney World they had taken off for Christmas they were going on vacation uh in the divorce she got the DFC membership but they were there and I said uh can I come spend Christmas with you guys and no hesitation she goes yes come on and and uh I mean it's like God answered me like that there was no there's no delay there was nothing I got a play I got on you I got on uh you know by that time I had more miles to orbit the sun on every freaking airpl in the world I got on a Delta got a ticket flew out the next day and they were staying at the Polynesian Village at one of the little Huts there on the water and it was freaking awesome best vacation ever and with that that was the life really that was it the life changed stopped doing the media I did one more written fox interview for the fox e media it was and and that's why I I said I'm done anger's gone God's got Hillary God's got Obama he will take care of him I don't need to judge anybody who am I to judge anybody they will be judged Let It Go and life's been grave ever since I stopped doing so much Social I stopped doing a lot of I don't do 60 70 talks to year anymore I do like 10 I [ __ ] can all my social media I just got rid of all of it now I got back on when I got my head right my wife is a big part of that too so she's it's not just me it's me and her dude but that was huge it was that was so toxic and and um that's why I I don't I I give guys people [ __ ] for protecting those accounts or making them so important because they're not at all and I got rid of all of them and uh business- wise went a different direction as too as far as business goes which means I minimized it still had some battle line stuff but I stopped doing the traveling course courses as much and I focus on being home and we also ended up getting remarried so worked on a relationship it took time and how that worked is we just started dating again it wasn't like we got right back in it it was we still lived separately and then we would just start going on dates how did your kids react when you came back in the picture they I mean they were happy that Dad was there especially at Disney we're having fun and but it was it was awkward for the two older ones because they really didn't know what to think I mean this Dad going again is he going to be here this time is he leaving but also at that time they were so used to me being gone anyway even when we were married from point it wasn't it wasn't anything that it was odd and they were pushing me away and also because Mom and Dad aren't arguing anymore they're not yelling at each other anymore so it was it was happier environment um if it was like a a normal white a normal job 9 to5 or all a sudden I disappeared and I came back maybe they would have been a little bit more uh it would have creeped him out weirded him out a little bit but because Dad was always gone anyway I I saw Zim being a little happier but as we talked about earlier they still were very reserved and I don't know if this is for real you know Dad was mean whenever we come back from ra he's going to be mean Dad and and he makes he makes mom cry and that's what they would see you know and so it just took time a year of dating of just more dating of then spending more time together of then the kids in maybe staying over then eventually it just ended up to like just like a normal where you're dating somebody and it develops into a into a relationship that a marriage and we had to do it that way and it was it was a little weird but it was fun doing it that way cuz I I got to you know I got to do things that maybe I didn't do the first time I quartered her where I did so it was it was like a doover and uh it was awesome oh it was great it everything was fantastic I did have some I I did have some where I would still get angry times because just because it's just seeing what you saw not anything where it was infidelity or anything like that no I that's terrible I'm a terrible person I hate even saying but I I'm going to be honest with you man and she I mean obviously she knows I wrote about it in some of the books that I've written it's but there are times still where I would get angry you know the the and post-traumatic stress whatever you want to call it shell shock you just you remember you just the anxiety was there but I said the CBD really did help I did get on an anxiety medication but all the VA does is just and I I got good VA Midwest they do take care of but all that does is just create more problems the CBD helped I sto drinking you know even though I have my own vodka when I say stop drinking I have a drink with my wife maybe once a month you know um and I also made it a point to be a father be home this is where I want to be and uh I did realize that in 2017 2018 I did a contract my last contract it was to uh Costa Rica it was an anti- kidnapping contract for a private firm in Texas to find an American that had gotten kidnapped and so I was still Contracting a little bit wasn't going to the Middle East anymore but I was still doing some South America stuff and I was it was Halloween time and I was there for Halloween and my wife sent me a picture of my son peanut my daughter going out to trick-or treat and you know that feeling you got to go down range I got to it was gone I was cuz all I could see was the picture and all I'm thinking to myself is what in the [ __ ] am I still doing this for and you I finished my contract those and luckily those things are real short you know they're you find the guy or you don't he's you're going to find him alive in a few weeks or you're going to pass it on to the next guy or he's going to be dead and he did they it was an American that they held for ransom they they did find the culprits and we found he was dead they he but contract's over I flew back and man just everything re my son I reconciled my 16-year-old boy we had that inning at Olive ging that incident where how did you propose to your wife the first time second time the second time uh I didn't get down on my knee she's not that kind of woman dude she's not that type of woman it was honestly very nonchalant and it it was just you know we saw our rings and I put my ring back on she you still wearing your ring I said well I am now I said where's your ring she got s box I said do you want to do this again and of course I knew the answer she's tough as nails dude and um it was back at Disney again you know and as much people hate Disney and I do their their politics are horeshit but it still can be a happy place for the family a lot of happy things happened there and we were actually R running around a What's this called the um Polynesian Village there's another one out there where there's a massage place um the white one it's it's like a southern Resort Southern I can't remember the name of it but we're running out there jogging and we stopped and I said will you marry me again and she just laughed just like cuz it was so corny I'm such a nerd it so corny and she laughed and just yeah and really it was the smile and she has a beautiful smile when she really wants to smile she doesn't like smiling CU she thinks her smile is ugly but it's gorgeous and she just gave me her gorgeous squinny eyed big ass smile and um we sold her house she had a second house in Omaha we went back she got ready for sale we sold it she moved back into my house in Omaha or or say our house cuz it was our house that's what we we bought it together when I was in the military and um then we stayed there for a few years and it was it was it was married I was and I was I was a husband finally she was always a wife I couldn't ask for a better wife you know couldn't ask for a better partner couldn't ask for a better woman cuz she's just she's just a wonderful wonderful person and she's wonderful for me cuz she's not sappy if IID have went down on my knee and did all that stuff she would have told me no it had to be doing something athletic we're out running cuz that's how she is and me just throwing it at her and her being and and that's how you are and that's how I I am yeah and she knows that um and she put her ring back on and and I even asked her I said I'll buy you a huge because you know I had a little bit of money at that time I and um I said I'll buy you a huge Rock what do you want I get you huge Rock she goes I you know I don't want those huge I don't need diamonds I don't I don't wear I wouldn't wear that cuz I'm fine with what I have and it was our original ring that I bought her when we got married in the courthouse in Tacoma before I went to Ranger school I a second range Battalion and um and then we stayed there in Omaha for a while and Omaha changed just like all cities do and um it wasn't the Omaha that I remember you know good values and there are good people in Omaha there are wonderful people but it started to turn like cities do Amazon moved in Google moved in Warren Buffett is Warren Buffett the tearing down cornfields uh there was even riots protests in Omaha at the time and we're like we're out we're not here and and um we moved to Kansas and that is a good woman she is she is wonderful and know because nobody you were the first person that's asked me that because nobody's ever asked me that and I think it's an awesome I do I think it's awesome because it it just to me it reminds me of how awesome she is and how she's not a girly girl she doesn't want the girly girl stuff and and I did think about proposing to her like doing the proposing and on and down because we're in we're in Disney and we're we're at the resort I wish I could remember that damn it's right next to Polynesian Village it's the old southern Resort it's the perfect place for it you know got the gazebos and and uh and but I never would do that I like there's no way because I did think about that like man I got to suppos her the right come on on a beach somewhere and I it's like no way if I did that she would think I was such a she wouldn't believe me first of all she'd be like what did you do not yet it was out running and being athletic it was out and it was it was perfect for us and then what' we do after that we went to the gym and we worked out together and it was awesome and I was so h i just it was it was the the best and it's still I still have those feelings when I go home that's why I love where I live where I just walk in and everything is just and I don't need anything I don't need any anything else but that it's it's wonderful and she's there and she has her life you know she doesn't she doesn't need me to we don't need to be doing things together all the time she coaches volleyball she's very independent but she'll still come home if she wants to and she'll make dinner I don't need to add but it's not required like to cook too but you know she'll or she'll come home and she'll say get your ass up and go make me some food yes ma'am yes darling and um now she's she's my angel and I have a tattoo up here you know I had a cross that she gave me this is she gave me this before Libya I've had it since Libya but I had another one that I had uh she gave me one as the military and it said love love honor courage and I have a tattoo up here on my chest is that cross and then I haven't put peanut on there yet but it has the call signs of all my other kids it says once it she's Angel my wife's Angel my daughter used to be princess but now she's like my her wife she's not a prin Dad I'm not a princess don't call me that but that was her call sign when she was little now she's Kiki and then I have Bubba cuz Bubba is Bubba and that's them they're always right there aming well Chris there's a lot more we could dive into but I think that's a perfect way to end it brother and uh I just want to tell you man I saw you speak I saw how much pain you were in you know probably probably getting close to probably getting close to 10 years not quite where did you did where did poone you saw that yeah oh my God that was that was that was that was demon time and uh wow I'm just really happy for you man thank you I can tell you're at peace now and sounds like you got a great family and an amazing wife and uh you deserve it thank you brother and you're right back at you appreciate being patient with me and that's that's cool that you did see that and and seeing your pictures downstairs with your kids and your wife it sounds like yeah you ain't the boss of the house either are you brother and we don't need to be we need somebody that's going to boss us around and tell us hey our [ __ ] stinks sometimes and that's right it's wonderful so thank you bro thanks for having it was an honor bro no the honor is not thanks for letting me go down radical like I do that's just me thank you God bless Chris God bless you too brother thank [Music] you no matter where you're watching Sean Ry show from if you get anything out of this please like comment subscribe and most importantly share this everywhere you possibly can and if you're feeling extra generous please leave us review on Apple and Spotify podcast