[Music] I'm standing up here in front of you right now at 19 years old and I'm fighting for my life no I'm not battling cancer or dealing with some irreversible disease I'm fighting the cycle of generational addiction I am fighting to find my way through life as a young adult without being branded by my family's past history and experiences you know one of the most Vivid memories of my mother isn't what you think it'd be it's not her laugh or smile or how she would cuddle me and give me raspberries before bed no it's how she would perfectly line up her pills in little groups day by day for the entire week ahead of her I mean she would literally have them laid out at least 6 days in advance and God forbid if you try to move or touch them in any way you see my mother is a prescription drug addict my mother is a prescription drug addict and her mother was a prescription drug addict and my father's mother and father were alcoholics and their parents were alcoholics and all died from it at Young ages this came to my awareness when I was about three we moved ourselves across country from California to Pennsylvania for my father's career and when we did this both my parents believed they had overcome the cycle of addiction but sadly my mother fell in old ways our histories often have a way of following us fast forward T I was about 10 my mom was agitated and high one night I mean she took a lot of mixed pills like usual but instead of sleeping them off day in and day out she decided to be a functioning addict that night and functioning addicts can be the scariest part I don't know what really happened to set her off but the next thing I knew through my eyes as a 10-year-old she's on one side of the door with a knife trying to shim me the lock and I'm on the other with my father and we're on the phone with 911 and my aunt I didn't know what was going on or what was happening and 9 years later I'm still not quite sure if I do no one can ever truly understand addiction my mother soon moved out of the house and my life the walls were white and bare as me and my father just stared at each other what was a now 12-year-old girl and a single dad of Cal polic he supposed to do how are you supposed to move on after everything that's happened to us within the past couple years we just built a life together just the two of us and I was heavily involved in the arts program throughout my high school career to focus my energy elsewhere but more importantly As I Grew Older I wondered how was I supposed to find my way without following my family's Legacy sure I can say no when someone offers me a cigarette or beer but I've learned that breaking the cycle of addiction isn't that simple how do I ground myself you see everyone in this room is predisposed to addiction Evolution Harvard researchers have been studying a new science called epigenetics epigenetics is the evolutionary pool of certain genes that affects how our brain works for example when you eat something yummy it triggers pleasure and that pleasure drives us back to that food kind of like an automatic light switch turning on and off so epigenetics works in the same sense that it turns certain genes on and off but yet there's a hyperactive genetic component to epig genetics in the world of addiction if you have a mother who's an addict and she passes down her epigenetics to someone like me that makes me 50% more likely to be an addict add in the environmental factors in the Heritage that makes me four times just as likely to be an addict so humans and animals are similar in this regard except humans have the capacity to control this evolutionary pool you see there's yet another component in this equation for addiction to occur Choice despite my legacy despite the risks despite genetics and despite epigenetics we ultimately make a choice that leads us down the path of addiction you see every alcoholic took that first drink every addict used that first drug and it's knowing one's risk and knowing my risk that I know not to go down those paths every now and then I receive a text message from my mother who's in hospice dying from drug abuse organ failure and of course as our system goes they have onun all the prescription drugs that destroyed her life sometimes the texts are Lucid other times belligerent lashing out so up on the screen I have a picture of a text message from my mother you need to take a class on mental illness I have hurt you over the years but you've hurt me too and I I cannot take it anymore I'm giving up she's telling the Psychology major to take a class on mental illness and a feel empathy towards her despite my rational understanding these make me feel hurt this woman who by birth is my mother realizes I'm not there but yet is I to fight for my life she's not here either see what I've realized that if we to stop addiction we must put ourselves before the addiction so while my mother left me so many years ago I too must now distance myself sure in a sense I can forgive her for what she's done that doesn't make her actions excusable while figuring out how to do this in my teenage years I realized something we are more than our family's Legacy and past we don't have to let it Define us if we Define ourselves or let others Define us is someone who isn't capable of being more than that statistic more than that mental illness more than that will be College Dropout we will live our whole lives believing that we aren't capable of being more than that rather than taking advantage of opportunities to change that to rewrite Our Fate so I started defining my own path I fell in love with adolescence Addiction Counseling after having an intern for my high school senior project I discovered how many children like me were going down that path of addiction and I swore from that point on that was my purpose in life to help those kids I discovered how I can help them while still making sure I stay on that correct path as well it's said that life gives us Second Chances in my case I pray but life gives us fifth chances because I am fighting like so many others to break the generational cycle of addiction that is my family's Legacy what's most scary is that I cannot tell you I'll break it only time will prove that but as I stand here in front of you on this stage I am doing it thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] w [Music]