Beverly, there's often a need for us to confront clients in the work that we do. What are some ways that we can approach confrontation respectfully? That's a very good question.
I notice that some staff who are very nice people avoid confrontation because they feel as though it's going to be an attack on somebody, and they're not comfortable with attacking folks. Now I think that kind of confrontation is negative confrontation. It's not going to be effective. So I think about what I want confrontation to do.
Here's what usually happens. I see somebody doing something that's going to be, that's nonproductive. For example, I see them not attending their activity.
I see them not solving a problem. I see them not making a plan. I see them not following through. Or I see something that's really hard.
I see or notice body odor or an appearance that's going to be a problem. I see that as a problem. I think it's going to stand in the way of their being able to do what we want them to do, and I need to bring it to their attention.
Now I've got to think about something. Confrontation is best done when there is a relationship. If you've got a good relationship, for example, with a long-term friend, they can say lots of things to you that perfect strangers can't say.
So as I think about doing the confrontation, I've got to think about, is this relationship such that this person can hear this from me and do something about it? Because I don't want to just attack them. I want to bring it to their attention so that they will change the behavior that I think is standing in the way. So that means I've got to think about the relationship.
relationship that I've got with the person and will it allow will it allow me to confront them about this particular issue? Well, but sometimes I've got to confront somebody when the relationship isn't that strong, okay? Sometimes we're in the position of that either.
You know I don't have I See something that's standing in the way of this person being able to move forward The relationship isn't strong, so I've got to confront it now. I've got to think about the words that I use Certain words will send people off Examples. What you need to do is.
The problem with you is. What's wrong with you is. Everything you say after those words they did not hear. They go click. So, if I know those words will cause people not to hear what I say, then I change the words.
I say, for example, is it possible that, perhaps, maybe, can we look at it this way? Because those words tend to keep people's ears open so they don't dismiss everything. everything that I had planned to say after that. So confrontation again is another tool in that box.
Confrontation requires that I've done some good listening before. Confrontation requires that I've asked some good questions. It's not a skill I can use right off the bat.
It's a much tougher skill to do. So I have to think very carefully about when I use it, how I use it, so that it does not become an attack on people, so that it's done in a respectful way, that it brings something to their attention. that I think is a problem and then thinking about how do I introduce that to them in a way that would want to make them do something about it, change it. Because that's what I'm really about, really after, is getting them to change their behavior, not just tell them what's wrong.