Transcript for:
Grace's Dark Memoir of Murder

BBC sounds music radio podcasts [Music] Grace she's in prison for a Murder She didn't commit but don't feel too sorry for her she hasn't led a blameless life to say the least while she languishes in Limehouse prison Grace starts writing her memoir this is part one of an Abridged version of how to kill your family by bellamaki read by me El Potter thank you Limehouse prison is as you might imagine horrible I stay in my cell as much as possible and attempt to avoid my roommate as she tiresomely likes to be called Kelly is a woman who likes to chat on my first day here 14 long months ago she sat on my bunk squeezed my knee with her horribly long fingernails and told me that she knew what I'd done and thought it was fantastic I've heard her talking to other prisoners her voice dropping to a stage whisper as she Intimates that I've confessed all the details of my crime to her she wants leverage and respect from the other girls and if anyone can provide her with it the Morton murderer can it is immensely tiresome when my lawyer recently presented me with some tentative light at the end of this tunnel I felt like I should Mark the time I've spent here and write down some of what I've done a trip to the canteen provided me with a thin notepad and a tired Biro taking five pounds off my weekly spend of 15 pounds 50. forget magazine articles breezily suggesting you save money by scrimping on takeout coffee if you really want to learn to budget properly spend some time at Limehouse prison my case has already become a notorious one and ironically that is without anyone knowing about my real crimes the justice system in this country is a joke and there is nothing which illustrates that more than this one sentence I have killed several people some brutally others calmly and yet I currently languish in jail for a murder I did not commit perhaps when I'm long gone someone will open an old safe and find this confession the public would reel after all almost nobody else in the world can possibly understand how someone by the tender age of 28 can have calmly killed six members of her family and then happily carried on with the rest of her life never to regret a thing [Music] I step off the plane and encounter that glorious blast of hot air that British people always dramatically exclaim at when they land somewhere hot and remember that much of the rest of the world enjoys a climate which doesn't just Veer between gray and cold I arrive at my rented apartment two hours later a fairly pain-free drive from the airport in my hire car I found it on Airbnb and arranged to pay the landlady in cash so as not to have a record under my name the flat is Tiny and stifling the aesthetic reminiscent of an 80s cosmetic clinic but with added China dolls I'm desperate to see the ocean and stretch my legs but I have a limited time here and there's work to be done I've done my research as much as you can do on two old bigots who have an inconsiderately minimal online presence and I've got a good idea where they'll be tonight it seems from the little I could glean from Facebook that between feeling angry at the amount of Spanish people living in Spain the Artemis seniors spend most of their time shuffling between a restaurant called Villa Bianca which is right on the waterfront and a casino called dinero just outside of town let me be clear here I have no idea what I am doing I'm 24. I've been thinking about how to best avenge my mother for many years now and this is the biggest step I've taken so far I am woefully underprepared I envisaged that by the time I got to Marbella I'd have a firm plan in place carefully plotted my route the timings and have invested in an incredible disguise instead I am holed up in a flat which smells like your family hamster died under a wardrobe I have a wig that I bought at a cosmetic shop in Finsbury Park which looked convincing enough under the store strip lighting but appears worryingly flammable in the Spanish Sun despite this free-floating anxiety about my lack of preparation excitement spreads through me as I fix my wig and apply my makeup I feel as though I'm getting ready for a brilliant date and not at all like I'm on my way to kill my grandparents I decided long ago that Kathleen and Jeremy Artemis would be the first to leave us these people are technically my grandparents though I've never met them and they have never bought me as much as a Toblerone but they do know about me let me explain I wasn't fully aware of this for many years imagining that my father Simon had successfully kept me a secret but my mother's friend Helene was in London for a visit recently and over a bottle of wine she confessed that she'd paid them a visit shortly before she left for Paris all those years ago she felt like she was letting my beautiful mother down by leaving me Poor Dad Marie her landed the only thing she could think to do to ameliorate the guilt she looked them up online and found their London address on company's house she was clearly reluctant to tell me just how bad the encounter was not meeting my eyes when she explained they initially slammed the door shut when she told them who she was she didn't leave though and eventually they let her in and coldly disclosed that they knew all about me and my ghastly mother my ears started to buzz as I let that sink in they knew about me from the start Helen explained when their poor son turned up unexpectedly late one night and pacing the living room confessed that he'd got into some trouble according to Jeremy who did most of the talking Simon had asked how he should tell his wife Janine and told his father that some Financial provision would have to be made for me so Simon did want to do the right thing in some way Helen said almost apologetically I ignored the comment and told her to carry on I had no interest in entertaining that man's pathetic attempts to solve his conscience Jeremy proudly told Helen that he and his wife had spent several hours shutting this idea down making him see that Marie had done it deliberately for money warning him that Janine would never recover Simon made a foolish mistake as many young men do he had told her Len and I'm sorry that this young girl has to grow up without parents but many people have faced worse Helen said that she argued back shouting that Marie had not gone out to trap their son and trying to explain that she had not known how wealthy he was or that he was married for that matter until much later but they would hear none of it so they're old they're mean and they take up precious space in the world and all of this would be reason enough to help them meet their end in a more unpleasant way than might have originally been on the cards but if I'm totally honest it's mainly because they knew they knew about my mother they knew about me and they didn't just flap their hands and do nothing they actively lobbied their son blaming Marie Helen his friends who led him astray they blamed everyone but Simon he shirked his responsibilities as a father and his family helped him do it I thought they were living their lives unaware that their son had rejected his child and left her mother struggling but they wanted it that way and in the end that's what swung the decision they die first the casino is in the middle of nowhere but surrounded by a strange little cluster of restaurants and bars I head over to the entrance I'm not going in for one thing I'm not a member and for another I don't want to be picked up on the casino CCTV instead I hover in the darkness between the club and a bar called raise this place looks like an out of town shopping center and I half expect to see a home base for the next two and a half hours I sit in my car I smoke three cigarettes and vow to quit back in London I listened to some terrible Spanish radio and Veer between manically tapping my feet and obsessively checking my mirrors to see whether the artemises have emerged yet the steps are soon busy with women swathed in Elmer's scarves and Men waving car tickets they are all wearing Expressions which signal a mix of wealth and angry entitlement Bang there they are Kathleen with a gift bag stumbling just a little Jeremy with a cigar must have been a fun night I'm glad I'm not a monster it's nice that they're leaving the world on a high note it's more than Marie was given but I must be the better person here I'm going to decimate their entire family the least I can allow them is a goodie bag and a spin at the roulette table they head down the steps and Jeremy gives the valet their ticket this is my cue I turn on the engine and head out of the car park I've told you I haven't planned this and I'm not being falsely modest I have a vague idea which seemed pretty solid back in London now I'm here I'm not in any way confident that I'll even get the chance to try it out but here I am driving fast and the windy roads below the casino following the route that the Artemis seniors will hopefully take to their Villa after a few minutes I turn onto the Cliff Road darker and more bumpy I estimate that I'm about 10 minutes ahead of the couple if they drive cautiously and I need to find the right spot I marked it the other day but in the dark the road seems to want to conceal it I breathe through my nose and talk to myself out loud you'll find it you've got time Grace it's okay I drive past and break just like they teach you to do in lessons as if anyone ever does a perfect emergency stop in real life without causing a pile up but the road is dead and all I can hear is cicadas I do a U-turn and pull into the lay-by letting my breathing return to normal I've got a clear view of the road from here I wait drinking in the silence headlights a car dipping in and out of view as it winds down towards me I've got two minutes I rev the engine and drive holding the steering wheel with locked arms the car comes into view they are slow cautious taking their time as I abruptly spin the wheel and accelerate towards them I see Kathleen's mouth form a perfect o before she covers her head and the lights blind me the impact of my swerve forces me back into my seat and I break fast the car almost barks from the command as if annoyed by the interruption as I rub my head and look up all I can see is dust from the road and a satisfyingly large gap in the stubby bushes on the side of the cliff I pulled the car over tuck it into the other side of the road and turn off the lights I should really turn back get to the airport leave the scene clean whatever happens now I can get away but where would the fun be in my grandparents dying without ever knowing my role in it all it's vanity really and I'm inexperienced in the art of murder next time I won't allow myself this Indulgence but I climbed down the cliff holding onto bits of scrubby plants and crouching low so I don't tumble towards the darkness I reached the car Jeremy is suspended his head hanging over the seat belt he looks uninjured apart from being very definitely unconscious and upside down Kathleen is clearly dead no forensic expertise needed I yank at Jeremy's door but nothing happens so I try the door behind his seat and it opens enough for me to be able to squeeze my head in just behind his seat rest I stroke his haughty face now thin and bleeding and listened to his ragged breathing I get as close as I can which is difficult as he's upside down and I'm twisting like a pretzel and Whisper his name his eyes open a crack and he whimpers as I begin to speak Kathleen is dead Jeremy I'm so sorry I don't think you're going to make it either but you're not alone do you recognize me I'm Grace your granddaughter Simon's daughter he Twitches ever so slightly yes Marie's child I'm so sorry that we never met before well this sad day and now you have to go I'm afraid not for me you see but for my mother family first I know you understand that oh and it's not just you and your wife Jeremy that's the really good bit pulling out a perfume bottle I turn his head towards me as gently as I can and look into a single gray eye I'm going to kill your whole family as I say it I yank his tie towards me and he slumps I pull it from his collar carefully roll it up and stuff it into my pocket my little Spanish souvenir then I open the bottle and strike a match [Music] BBC sounds music radio podcasts [Music] here's episode 2 of how to kill your family by Bella Mackey Grace revisits her childhood [Music] Kelly asks if I want to talk anything over tilting her head in what I imagine she thinks is a sympathetic gesture she knows my final appeal is due any day now and her recent forays into group therapy seem to have convinced her that she has a bright future in counseling besides the fact that Kelly is an undeniable [ __ ] I think talking is overrated as my mum used to say never complain never explain although she died inconsiderately early and left me to rectify the wrongs done to her which is why I'm here a bit more complaining might not have been such a bad thing on balance after Kelly takes the hint I settle down on my bunk to start writing down my story I was born 28 years ago at the Whittington Hospital the only daughter of Marie Bernard a young French woman who had been living in London for three years before falling pregnant with me Marie had come to England because she'd been told she was pretty enough to be a model and she was my mother was strikingly beautiful she had that effortless French girl Vibe which every fashion influencer tries to copy now no bra ever wide slacks and a long gold chain her career never took off in the way she had dreamed about but she certainly had fun for a while the London nightlife in the early 90s was to hear Marie tell it a golden age when I couldn't sleep she'd lie next to me on my small bed and tell me about the champagne served with sparklers in it and the leather bonquettes in the restaurant where she would dine with actors and sports stars and dance until dawn Marie met my father in 1991. he was gone before I was born most of what I know I learned from digging around later on since Marie obviously wanted to give me a Disney fired version she met him at where else a nightclub he had sent champagne to her across the Dance Floor if my mother had been like all the other girls there would have been some dancing a whispered exchange perhaps even a pleading dinner or two and that is where it would have fizzled just another beautiful girl just another entitled rich man except my mother sent back the champagne and nobody had ever done such a thing to this particular rich man a week later he flew her to Venice on a private jet taking her to Saint Mark's Square for cocktails and telling her that he loved her the extravagant displays of affection continued over the next few months her barriers were demolished Marie stopped going to castings as much preferring to be available if he happened to call and he did frequently but only between Monday and Friday and he rarely stayed the night obviously my father was already spoken for not just spoken for he was married with a baby and he lived in a house high on a hill in North London which had several living staff two pedigree dogs a wine cellar swimming pool and several Acres of grounds he wasn't just committed he was embedded this bit of the story was left out when I was first being told about him instead stroking my arm Marie told me that he was involved in big and important business deals which affected the lives of thousands of people and that's why he couldn't see us he flew around the world she said he loved us both very much and when the time was right we'd all be together for all the ridiculous promises that Marie made to me about my father and our eventual life together she was wise enough to only tell me selective information about him enough to stop my questions not giving me anything too concrete but she did make the mistake of pointing out his house to me after a trip to Hampstead Heath we got lost in a wooded area and it started to rain we walked down a long private road until she slowed down and finally stopped we stood in front of a house and Marie stared up at it silently for a moment until I yanked on her hand impatiently I say we were looking at a house but the enormous iron gates with security cameras attached deliberately obscured most of the actual property we lived in an attic room on a main road I had never imagined that a house could be so important it would have to be hidden from View without looking down at me my mother gestured towards the gates almost reverentially this is your father's house Grace she said still not looking at me even then I remember understanding clearly that something very wrong had been done to Marie and me so that's my dad not the one I'd have picked had I been consulted but there we are some people have fathers who beat them some have fathers who wear Crocs we all have our crosses to bear if you really want to understand why I did what I did I have to go back to my childhood again first hopefully it won't sound too self-indulgent but even if it does well it's my story and I'm currently lying on a bunk bed in a Cell which smells like a potent mix of sadness and urine so I'll take any excuse to escape into my memories here are some Marie not having enough money for food electricity and on one gram occasion for Sanitary products getting up at 6am so that Marie could get to work on time where I would sit in the back room of the coffee shop and do my homework seeing my mother so tired that she looked yellow and hollowed out day after day being cold all through winter because we only use the heating at the beginning of the month when Marie got paid occasionally my mother would write long letters late at night as I pretended to be asleep in the morning the letters would be propped up on the table ready to take to the post box I didn't recognize the name until I was older when I saw a discarded attempt in the bin and fished it out my darling I know we cannot meet again and I have always respected your decision you know how much I loved you and that I would never do anything to hurt you or jeopardize your family but Grace is growing up and I wish so much for you to know her just a little I do not ask for money or expect that we can ever experience the closeness we once reveled in but she needs Our Father perhaps you could come and meet us one Sunday at the park in Highgate just for an hour please write back to me I never know if you are reading these letters from this letter I learned three very important things first that snooping will almost always pay off second that my father was married and wanted nothing to do with me and third and most importantly I found out the name of the philanderer who broke my mother's heart and left us to live in misery my father is Simon Artemis and he is one of the richest men in the world I should say was back when he was still alive my childhood the part Marie was alive for anyway had some good moments I was loved and I knew it I went to a nice Primary School just off Seven Sisters where I made precisely one friend a boy named Jimmy whose family lived in a very large house with an excessive number of rugs and cushions and books his mother was a therapist and his father was a GP and they easily could have sent their son to a prep school but they had a big labor poster in their window and carried a huge amount of liberal guilt about their good fortune and Jimmy's education was one of the ways they squared it Jimmy is still in my life in fact our relationship has matured somewhat in recent times I guess you could say we might have gone on like this Marie and me perhaps if we'd had longer Marie might have got a better job and who knows maybe met a nice man to take some of her burdens I might have made it to University and later earned enough to look after my mother buy her a flat get her a car but if that had been Our Fate then I wouldn't be here writing this waiting for Kelly to burst into our cell and try to lure me into a conversation about her brassy DIY highlights instead Marie got slower grayer and slept more to the point where I was getting up for school and leaving her in bed her back ached she said one night chatting to Helen on the sofa as I dozed in bed Helen urged her to see the doctor but she dismissed it I had just turned 13 when it became obvious that her aches weren't just a sign of endless work and constant worry Helen picked me up from school early one day and took me to the hospital Marie had collapsed at work and before I could see her my mother's only friend sat me down in a visitor's room and told me that my mother had cancer Marine never came home and six weeks later my lovely tired mother was dead in the brief window between Her diagnosis and her death my mother and Helen had agreed that I should live with her from now on as if there was anywhere else I could go Helen never envisaged a teenager in her life but to her credit she did as well as she could by me there was always food and she gave me money for travel and clothes I moved to a school near her flat and became pretty independent almost immediately one day while foraging around under Helen's bed for her hair straighteners I found a box it had something written carefully on the spine in red ink Grace slash Simon inside was a bundle of papers in no discernible order I saw various newspaper clippings letters and photographs all jumbled up and began sifting them into corresponding piles once done I started looking at the photos properly it's strange to realize that you loathe your father before you ever have a chance to meet him of course I knew that he had treated my mother badly but there was more to it just from a few photos he made my skin crawl his tanned shiny face spoke to a vanity I'd not encountered before his obvious need to grab all attention available was pathetic he took up other people's space women were pushed out to the margins only featured as beautiful props for Simon Artemis his gang of friends looked about as Shifty as you can imagine certainly the kind who would be wise to keep their heads down in a post me too era everything I saw made me feel slightly ill this man with his horrible flashy clothes and his clear need to advertise his testosterone levels with every pose this man shared and contributed to my DNA my character my existence I was 13 when I first saw these photos I didn't know much about the relationships between men and women the concept of patriarchy the idea of emotional manipulation or even just the facts about basic sexual attraction I just saw this disgusting man openly displaying all his worst qualities for the camera as my beloved mother stared at him and I hated her in that moment too next up were the newspaper clippings musty and fading the headlines were a mixture of business and personal news Simon Artemis buys teen fashion chain sassy girl Artemis criticized for Sweatshop conditions Simon and Janine show off their perfect New Daughter the last one was from a glossy magazine and had photos of Simon and his wife flanked by an enormous Christmas tree in his arms he held their daughter who I noted was called bryony she looked to be about three I checked the date on the article I was 13 months younger than her my sister was a baby when Simon was in those clubs wooing my mother promising her who knows what the photo showed the same house my mother had walked me past that wet day in Hampstead the last thing in the Box was a letter from Simon himself it was a hasty scroll written in Black Ink the words almost ripping through the paper Marie I am sorry to hear that you are ill but what you suggest is impossible as I have told you many times before your decision to have your child was yours alone you had no right to imagine that I'd risk my family and reputation for the product of a six-week fling you must stop trying to impress upon my life I have enclosed a check for five thousand pounds which is more than generous but given your health problems feels like the right thing to do in return I demand that you cease all contact Simon my mother had asked him for help as she was dying and he had rejected her berated her and knocked her down I had five years until I was 18. five years to think up a way to make the Artemis family suffer I still remember this moment vividly and I've thought of it many times since always with a smile because even at 13 I comforted myself with the knowledge that I would grow up and make them know really know the pain that we had suffered BBC sounds music radio podcasts how to kill your family by Bella Mackey in this third episode Grace carries out her third murder I didn't much want to kill Andrew Artemis it had to be done of course but I wasn't prepared for one of them to be so well nice Andrew was the son of Simon's brother Lee and possibly the hardest to glean any reliable information about he wasn't present at any of the grotesque family parties where waitresses dressed up like peacocks thank you gossip columns for that tidbit he didn't have a token job at Artemis HQ even Tina my Artemis informant I'll get to that couldn't help me eventually I found a mention of him in a local online free sheet a profile of the work some old Krusty was doing on marsh frogs in an area of wetlands in East London Andrew had strayed far and away from the family Artemis Andrew wasn't intent on rounding up the marsh frogs to use their skin for designer handbags no he was volunteering helping to observe mating behavior ensuring that these hideous creatures had a place to live and thrive but despite his obvious intentions to lead a different life he was still one of them still likely to be welcomed back with open arms if he got bored of helping disgusting frogs gentrify East London and crucially still a potential beneficiary when the rest of the family died so I did what I had to do I researched frogs bought a hideous windbreaker and signed up to a volunteer scheme at the walthamstow marsh project the volunteer induction took place on a sticky May Day and I traveled by train from King's cross wearing sensible shoes a Parker and a bucket hat I even brought a packed lunch with me something I've always thought was a warning sign in a person over eight years old Roger the man who ran the marsh project was there to welcome the two of us who turned up I was slightly shocked that someone else was voluntarily coming to work in a bog without the motivation of murder Lucy she told Roger and me worked in I.T but had always had a yearning to spend more time in nature she had the look of someone who wasn't exposed to vitamin D on a regular basis Mica ghoul was Pitch Perfect Lucy wore a similar one and Roger seemed to have taken it one step further and was decked out in what I can only describe as a waterproof onesie a thermos of tea was proffered as Roger lent against the reception desk and described what our duties would be though there were repeated assurances that we'd be entering the exciting world of conservation our duties seemed really to boil down to weeding Lucy seemed genuinely interested asking detailed questions about netting and composting I stayed quiet nodding along all the while searching for a man who could be Andrew from the few photos that showed him at a younger stage he was a tall slim guy with Sandy hair and unnervingly symmetrical teeth but apart from Roger and an old lady ripping up some unidentifiable plants there was nobody around as the induction wrapped up I spied a notice board with photos of staff and volunteers pinned up I made a beeline for it and there he was but in this photo he had a ponytail and a large earring made out of a shell even Camden Market doesn't sell hippie tat like that anymore what terrible thing had befallen Andrew for him to make such a life choice on my first proper shift I spied Andrew immediately cleaning the pathway down to the ponds I waited for the inevitable introduction and sure enough at break time Roger brought him over to meet us as we said our hellos and Lucy droned on about how interesting the work was I drank him in he wore khaki trousers and an ancient gray vest and his fingernails were encrusted in dirt and grime but he was Broad and fit if he cleaned up I could easily see how my cousin fitted into the Artemis family I gave him the same vague story I'd told Roger and Lucy I was Lara an estate agent in North London had just broken up with my long-term boyfriend was looking for a new challenge and I'd had a fascination with conservation and rewilding since uni it's so lovely to work outside I ventured I'm so tired of working in an office just chasing prophets and cynically duping clients okay it was a bit too on the nose but it got the right reaction God that's so true Andrew said turning towards me and smiling this place is My Sanctuary I can't bear the way we as a society have been tricked by those with everything into chasing impossible games just so that big corporations can make more of their labor from then on I was in it took a couple more weeks of weeding to suggest a drink after work but he was Keen unfortunately so was Lucy and even worse Roger we ended up in a dismal pub near the center the talk was mainly about frogs with Andrew Keen to tell us about his own private collection Roger rolled his eyes this chap thinks the local ones aren't interesting enough don't you fella I've feigned interest and encouraged my cousin to say more while Roger turned to Lucy and attempted to engage her on the topic of topsoil Andrew lowered his voice and tilted his head towards me he's right I am interested in the more exotic ones it might sound mad he trailed off as I looked at him with interest but I've been researching what frogs can do for depression have you heard of Cambo I opened my eyes wide it's a secretion from a type of frog and there's a ton of research on how it helps to cure depression he glanced over at Roger to make sure he wasn't listening that's why I've got these frogs at home I'm trying to perfect the dosage too much and you vomit uncontrollably I didn't need to fake interest by now what a weird path for Andrew to take doping himself up with frog juice surely there must be a nice Harley Street therapist available to deal with his issues in a less Bonkers way I bombarded him with questions four weeks in and we were firm friends we started going to the dreary Pub after work on Saturday where we'd get pretty drunk and I'd make jokes about Roger until he'd tell me off by now I knew how I'd kill Andrew after the pub one Saturday I mooted going back to the center and bringing a bottle of wine with us it was a balmy night and the stars were out he was game if a little nervous we went down to the main Pond and sat on a small section of decking Roger had installed so that he could observe the frogs more easily I cracked open the wine as we passed it between us I broached the subject that had been turning over in my head can I try the Frog drug Andrew you've talked about it so much and it sounds like an adventure I'd kick myself to miss I heard him breathe in and then out in quick succession I don't think so Lara I'm still trying to perfect the dosage last week I took too much and passed out cold for 15 minutes I nodded and made reassuring noises I totally understand I don't want to put pressure on you I just thought maybe it might help with my panic attacks in some small way I trailed off hoping to capitalize on his English built-in awkwardness he sighed again we finished the bottle and I said I'd better call a cab Andrew helped me up I was drunker than I'd thought and we stumbled back to the front gate I offered to drop him home but he said he wanted the air and I poured myself into a Toyota Prius a few minutes before we pulled up outside my flat I heard my phone beep in my pocket clumsily I unlocked the screen and peered down okay let's do it next Saturday after work you bring the wine I think Rose would go nicely but it's top secret gotcha prep for Saturday is less about what dress to wear and more about making sure the wine I buy is in a screw top bottle and that I have some discreet gloves Saturday comes and I have to carry my own wine separately the stuff I've chosen for Andrew is now heavily fortified with vodka now you see why I need the screw top bottle one third of the bottle went into my flask and I topped up the rest with the finest spirit I could find not that he'll have a hangover tomorrow but it just feels more respectful not to give him the complete paint stripper variety once we're in Andrew dumps his bag on the main desk and I go to the kitchen to find some cups can't let him see we will be drinking different things after all by the time I find them he's gone outside and started setting up I'm going to give you the liquid from a dropper okay didn't think you'd actually want to lick a frog he laughs but I can see he's still anxious don't worry about that now let's have another drink I say with a smile handing him a mug with frogtastic embossed on the side he takes it gratefully and swigs I tense up wondering if he'll notice the unusual strength but he just takes another Gulp and sits it down on the deck beside him as he decants the Frog paste we talk about his field work he swigs more wine everyone should drink wine from a mug really makes you overdo it Andrew opens up to me as he relaxes as I top up his vodka-infused wine he explains how his father was consumed by jealousy of his older brother how his mother was emotionally neglected and his sister had died at nine months old making him always feel as though he had to live for both of them I play the silent yet supportive friend while inwardly thanking the universe that I only have to deal with the one cousin by now I've switched to drinking water but Andrew is so drunk he'd never notice time for the Frog slime before he is too drunk to function and I have to wait another week I remind Andrew of the plan the pre-prepared droppers are brought out and he explains that he will have to make a small burn on my skin to allow the serum to enter the body more easily where do you want to be marked he asks most people chew somewhere easily covered I settle on the foot since I don't want to have to remember to cover up or explain away a mark on my body he chooses to use a spot on his arm underneath a tattoo of what looks suspiciously like a dream catcher matches are produced and he lights too holding them against the soul of my left foot the sensation is hot but not painful a sign I'm in need of a proper pedicure then he applies the liquid lie down he instructs wait a few minutes and breathe i gaze up at the night sky watching him burn his own skin out of the corner of one eye I hear him exhale and he lies down next to me if you need to be sick just tell me and I'll roll you over good thing there's a lake then he laughs for what seems like an age before falling silent we stay there in the dark and wait I don't know how long we're lying there like that I feel warmth creeping over me I feel it I whisper and turn towards him Andrew has his eyes closed and he's moaning Softly I roll over and use the power of our entwined hands to push him into the water his body is limp from relaxation and I barely have to apply Force as he moves through the air his body uncurling our eyes lock and he comes out of his reverie for a second his mouth opens wide as if he's about to cry out but it isn't enough the wine and the Frog Juice have done their work and he falls head first into the pond I sit up on the deck and kick my foot into the water pushing his head down I can see my toenails glint in the Moonlight though his own feet kick for a brief moment there's remarkably little splashing before he goes limp and the water becomes calm again I don't know how long it takes but it feels like I'm watching it from a distance so I bend over and stare down at the body in the water looking for any sign of life it's probably not advisable to commit murder whilst under the influence of an untested amphibian drug sloppy really but you work with what you have I slip out of the center pull my hoodie over my head and walk purposefully towards the main road where an Uber is waiting for me I stop for a second and look around with an eerie feeling that someone is behind me but the drugs are making me sense things which might not be there and I shake the feeling off the car weaves through the quiet back streets before it hits the main roads full of Saturday night revelers out in force the figures spinning and blurring as we go [Music] BBC sounds music radio podcasts [Music] here's episode 4 of how to kill your family by Bella Mackey Grace reveals how she got closer to the Artemis family [Music] today we all filed down to the classroom Wing where we suffered an hour-long class on spoon making truly even one murder wouldn't warrant such a punishment Kelly is extremely jealous that I was part of the group forced into such nonsense and gushes Over The Wooden Spoon I produced she would have loved today's class she said when I bump into her afterwards and what a Fab Christmas present that spoon would make for your mum I look at her blankly wondering how long it'll take her to remember that my mother is dead but there is no such realization so instead I toss her the spoon and tell her to pretend she made it and to give it to her own mum she's delighted and I wonder not for the first time what kind of woman Kelly's mother is to be thrilled with a wonky spoon made in a jail by your grown-up convict daughter you must have some uniquely low expectations her mother can add it to the cross-stitched bird she got at Easter the only difference with the spoon is that it has some special marks on it they look a bit like hieroglyphics but they're actually the initials of every person I murdered though nobody would look that closely I was finished whittling long before the other idiots in the class and I didn't want to waste my time with the blade I wonder if Kelly's mum will appreciate them back in my cell I take out the paper and pen from inside a pair of rolled up socks there is no privacy here especially with a cellmate like mine everyone tries to get hold of everyone else's possessions tries to gain their secrets as Leverage Kelly doesn't even bother to hide her diary that woman would tell you everything about her life if you were stupid or bored enough to ask did I mention why she's in here Kelly was a blackmailer she had a nice line in getting married men to send her photos photos which their wives might not like too much she's attractive is Kelly big pouty lips and lots of red hair my paper uncurled I settle down to write to a casual Observer not much happened between the death of my mother and the moment I put my plan into action when I was 14 Helen told me that she'd been offered a job in Paris and felt like it was time to go home she held my hand and insisted that she would stay if I wanted her to but that Jimmy's parents had offered me a room and were delighted to have me she looked genuinely distressed so I squeezed out a tear and looked at the floor while I told her that she must take the job Jimmy's parents for all their discomfort with their own privilege lived in a world where doors could open if you knew the right people I felt confident that they could help me in some way a month later and my bags were packed Jimmy and his mother Sophie welcomed me at the door we've made you a welcome dinner Grace vegetable lasagna and Annabelle has made dessert Jimmy rolled his eyes at his mother he grabbed my bags and leapt up the stairs two at a time as I thanked Sophie and waved at Annabelle busy in the kitchen with a Piping Bag his little sister was a spindly and nervy 11 year old Jimmy had informed me that she was already in analysis Sophie was very keen on juvenile therapy unsurprisingly I sincerely hoped she wasn't going to suggest it to me and made a note to pretend that the school was already providing a counselor if she did despite being fearful of letting myself relax too much I settled into life with the latimers quickly Jimmy and I spent nearly all of our free time together we enjoyed talking for hours lounging around in silence and even doing her homework together Jimmy never pushed me on my grief but I knew he understood it when he looked at me no head tilts necessary Sophie and John managed to treat me almost like a daughter only sometimes triumphantly Wheeling me out in front of friends as though I were a refugee they'd heroically taken in although I suppose in a way I was the summer before sixth form started Jimmy and I were allowed to go on holiday alone for the first time we went to Greece with his friend Alex and his girlfriend Lucy who went to private school in West London and delighted in exclaiming in shock whenever I admitted to not having experienced something it was a crime that I had never been to Greece before how could I not have had a macchiato in my whole life it was a huge relief when she came down with food poisoning on day two of the trip well I say food poisoning but it was decidedly less random than that really a few doses of ipicac syrup given with breakfast which I insisted on making did the trick there's only so much time you can spend with someone who goes shooting on weekends and calls her mother mummy with a straight face back in London Jimmy spent a lot of time going over University prospectuses with his parents and discussing the merits of different Oxbridge colleges over dinner as Annabelle and I made a great performance of rolling our eyes and sighing loudly I wasn't going to UNI I wasn't wasting three more years on Rigid learning getting into debt and wasting time with other students who I assumed would spend their free time talking earnestly about safe spaces and organizing ineffective marches on rainy days I had things to do I got work in the sassy girl shop in Camden an obvious plotline for our heroine I hear you say but I was 18 had to start somewhere and I naively imagined that working for one of Simon's businesses would give me an advantage I started in the stock room unboxing deliveries and a fixing price tags and graduated to the tills I surprised myself by enjoying my time on the shop floor I didn't have a minute to stop and think I just worked really hard and did whatever was asked of me Jimmy was off to UNI so I moved out I found a one-bedroom flat in hornsey barely a 15-minute walk away from the attic room I'd shared with Marie and I enjoyed one final meal with the latimers Jimmy came back from uni for it Sophie was insistent and after a desultree masaka he came back to my new flat with me and produced a bottle of wine we slept together that night which was a strange but inevitable event I have spent years now wavering between loving Jimmy like a brother and wanting him like a partner sometimes he's just a comfort blanket I take for granted but he's also the only person I know who could break my heart I walked up to the Artemis house most weeks for no other reason than to remind myself of my ultimate aim that aim felt like it was getting closer when I was asked by head office to apply for a job on the marketing team I'd been working at sassy girl for nearly a year and I had no real business working in head office but I had pestered my manager near constantly to let me know if anything came up away from the shop and she must have taken pity on me she recommended me for my hard work and commended me on my window displays who knew that pairing a pleather Parker with a Dayglow bum bag would count as experience it was a bottom of the ladder job but it was a rung on the ladder and it would mean working in the same building as Simon five floors and a world of marble away but still a connection I lasted precisely 13 months the work was simultaneously stultifying and embarrassing I had no interest in getting the creative juices whizzing at Roundtable meetings where we discussed shop front displays and hearing about merch to make the client wet themselves made me feel like I was living in a bad simulation I got three good things out of the experience the first one was that I earned great money for a 20 year old and I saved it obsessively the second was that I got to visit Simon's house when he threw his annual party for head office staff I would have given all I had to get a glimpse into that mansion on the hill and here he was welcoming me in a proverbial Viper slithering into the bosom of the family the party was a fairly tepid two-hour Garden event with canapes and warm sparkling wine passed round by bored looking students there was a candy floss machine set up next to a mini maze a few people had made the mistake of accepting the floral hair crowns being woven by an earthy looking woman who was completely out of place in this Palace to Greed turns out a slightly sweaty man in a gray suit jauntedly wearing a flower crown is exactly what a loss of dignity looks like even with the Dismal activities on offer you could see that the event was a tick box exercise keep staff morale up by pretending to Value them enough to allow them into your home we weren't valued enough to be allowed access to indoor toilets though and a stern-looking housekeeper stood on the staircase should anyone think of going upstairs for a nosy but for me it was completely riveting Simon stayed in one corner with the male members of the Senior Management cigar smoke forming an orb around their heads he did not interact with his wife once as far as I could tell occasionally a young female member of Staff would be beckoned over and a roar of laughter could be heard across the lawn one could only Hazard a guess as to how many HR offenses were being committed in the spirit of banter by a bunch of men in tan loafers and open-necked shirts I wandered around drinking one hand as though I was vaguely looking for someone and headed through the French doors of the sitting room Janine wafted around the doors seconds later her hair blowed-dried into a helmet her gold jewelry clinking like body armor I assume she was on high alert the idea of anyone pilfering her lot bought high-end knickknacks too much for her nerves to bear I turned my head away and pretended to be looking at a gaudy painting of Flamenco dancers and she Strode past me into the kitchen followed by an anxious looking woman in an apron and white gloves I left that party feeling like I was finally getting somewhere I had been in their midst the third benefit of working at Artemis Holdings was meeting my beloved informant Tina Tina was the PA to the deputy CEO Graham Lincoln a close friend and henchman to Simon a man who wore gray suits with a slight sheen like the type you see in those shops which always say they're having a closing down sale I got chatting to her accidentally on a [ __ ] break one day several months into my job at head office Tina was a loyal employee when it came to Graham but she'd sing like a canary when it came to the Artemis family nothing she ever told me was itself the Silver Bullet in my Arsenal but knowing more about these people who I'd watched from afar for so long was endlessly fascinating yes Tina was a gift even if I had to [ __ ] up my lungs to spend time with her but working at Artemis Holdings wasn't actually getting me any closer to my father despite my naive expectations I had somehow envisaged working my way up to be his closest Aid within a few years worming my way into his life before doing a dramatic reveal and killing him as he gasped at the Betrayal but the man employed thousands of people and he was no more going to invite me into his inner sanctum than he was going to read a book which wasn't about crushing it in business so when I was headhunted by another company I left my resolve was as strong as ever but I would be earning nearly double my old salary and more importantly I had come to realize that murdering an entire family while working for their firm might not be the smartest of moves I allow the initial misstep because I was young BBC sounds music radio podcasts [Music] this is episode 5 of how to kill your family by Bella Mackey Grace enters the underground world of London sex clubs to eliminate another member of her estranged family since I'd watched Andrew Artemis float away to be with his beloved frogs and I'd been keeping my head down the initial murders had to be well spaced out so as Not to cause suspicion tragic accidents was what I wanted people to say so I'd let the dust settle after Andrew I had read that his mother Lara had been utterly devastated by her only son's death making no public comment but pulling back from her work as Artemis Holdings vice president and establishing a charity for wildlife preservation in Andrew's name I wondered whether the incident had caused her to break from the family as well as the brand the society Pages still constantly featured Lee but Lara his wife seemed to have retreated from London entirely Lee was Simon's younger brother by three years if old copies of hello were anything to go by while Simon might have been the ultimate Playboy back in his 90s Heyday Lee was his enthusiastic shadow Lee clung onto the excesses of his twenties pictured out at nightclubs in Social Diaries cruising the King's Road in his latest Supercar occasionally being named as a partner in new bars more often than not he was driven around town in a lurid green Bentley this meant it was easy to figure out where he was the car would double Park on even the narrowest of London streets starting off at the most upmarket bars that Mayfair could offer then heading for the private members clubs and by 3 AM when most of the revelers were starting to disperse weaving down towards Chinatown towards the slightly seedier venues which weren't keen on fully advertising what they did exactly I knew this because I'd followed the Bentley on several nights around town I spoke to Uncle Lee on my third scouting mission Lee and his posse had gone to a venue I'd not seen before the place was dingy with dark red wallpaper and Faded carpet everything about it screamed brothel to me except for the loud house music I could hear coming from above I waited a couple of minutes on the stairwell and then made my way up the door that met me was a big black fire door and I pushed it open tentatively behind it was a small room with black lace blinds over the window two attractive women sat on raised stools behind a table upon which were champagne glasses and a bowl of condoms the women were smiling at me hi there said the one with eyeliner winged up to her brows welcome to the pleasure parade do you have your invitation this was clearly a sex party I'd never been to one but I've read enough articles in women's magazines to recognize what was happening here I like sex I'm not squeamish or repressed about it but sex parties always seemed to me like a way for boring people to show others that there's a more interesting sight to them perhaps there would be if you suddenly kicked off an orgy in a supermarket but a fancy invite-only gathering in the West End where girls wear Alice bands doesn't scream alternative to me it's like a luxury gym where the smoothies cost nine pounds and everyone is showing off their bodies in high-end leggings it's all performative entering the party that night did nothing to disabuse me of that preconception it was rich and banal and the fact that bodily fluids were being exchanged in nearby rooms didn't make it any less so I made my way over to the bar trying to spot Lee in the Gloom the room felt muted and slightly awkward as though everyone was waiting for someone else to take the lead and kick things off a sharp prod knocked my arm and took my drink with it I looked around and saw that one of Lee's mates had made room for himself at the bar I fixed my eyes on the sweaty man's profile as he tried to get the barman's eye if someone stares at you long enough you eventually have to return the Gaze he finally looked at me you just knocked my drink out of my hand I said not blinking I'm trying to get a drink he said and turned away again I felt my face getting hot you spilled my drink what are you going to do about that the man turned towards me again clenching his fist on the bar you're not getting free drinks off me I'm not an idiot just as I was about to explode with rage Lee appeared between us he blocked my view of his Burly mate I'm so sorry about my friend darling he's no gentleman but I can see that he's cost you a nice glass of wine and I'd very much like to buy you another one he grinned at me signaling to the waiter and that is how I got chatting to my uncle he was Charming in the way that my mother used to say that Simon was all gab and smiles Lee made his friend who he called Scotty dog apologized to me before releasing him back into the bar where he promptly headed towards a door to the left doesn't waste time does Scott winkedly so what brings a girl like you to a place like this then I told him my friend had recommended these gatherings as a good place to start if you were thinking about getting involved in the scene Lee nodded it's a vanilla crowd nothing too raunchy happens here less hardcore than I like but it'll do for a rainy Thursday what do you like then I asked having to quash the slight nausea that I could sense rising up he tilted his head and smiled at me he was sizing me up either as a proposition or as an oddity I sipped my drink that's bold considering we've still got our clothes on Missy Lee smirked and checked his watch a big silver Rolex dotted with diamonds it's not stuff good girls like you want to know about trust me try this place out for starters then we'll talk the fresh-faced alja new approach wasn't working I was boring him already what you like being humiliated is that your thing big rich guy never told no gets treated like a prince but really wants someone to reflect his own sneaking sense of failure back at him that made him laugh I'd want him back my dignity took huge knocks while I tried to rid the world of this awful family he looked around as though he were preparing to dive Old State secrets okay miss seeing it all I like a bit of choking belts scarves whatever works losing your breath as you edge towards Glory I looked down at his hand pointedly does your wife indulge I said smiling at his wedding ring to his dubious credit Lee didn't even try to look ashamed my wife is she's classy she ignores some of my pastimes and I let her get on with redesigning our kitchen for the 18th time at that moment Lee's other mate barreled towards us spilling his drink and bumping into a group of people standing nearby oh Christ that's bench done for the night said Lee nice to meet you love don't do anything I wouldn't do I swallowed down the need to visibly wince and waved goodbye as he took command of his friend and steered him out of the bar I spent my cab ride home with all sorts of interesting ideas forming what a generous man my uncle was in just 20 minutes he'd given me a free drink and a lead on how to kill him after my first brief foray into the world of sex clubs I went online and did my research on Tuesday night I walked into the Chinatown dive that Lee frequented the place was fairly empty I ordered myself a drink while I was waiting for it the door swung open and a beautiful woman walked in behind her was Lee cowboy boots and all the girl said something to him and headed towards the side door he smiled when he saw me recognizing my face hello again he said as he reached me I thought you were looking for something a bit more hardcore than this I found it I said I've come here to invite you but I see you're busy tonight he laughed well I found a place where everything is Catered for no questions asked it makes this place look like a yoga class for bored Housewives if you get tired of paying by the hour and want to play with someone who'll really put their all into it give me a call I wrote down my number on a cocktail napkin and put it in Lee's jacket pocket I left the bar and called a taxi he'd call me now I just had to make the final preparations Saturday Mile End midnight I wrap my coat tightly around my body a black Mercedes 4x4 pulls up the driver opens the door and Lee emerges Into the Night he is wrapped up in an enormous sheepskin coat with a large Dragon stitched across the back his black cowboy boots have a snakeskin effect clearly he's broken out his fanciest pair for the evening he looks around for me and I let him waver for a minute as I stand in a doorway just yards away he's away from his usual stomping ground and he's vulnerable I want him to know it I stepped forward and quietly whistle as though to a lost dog Lee looks over and smiles in relief coming towards me he grabs my hand thank God this place is a dump we turn the corner and reach the archway which is the entrance to our final destination well his final destination I say and throw out my hands please stop still in the street I'm not being funny babes but what is this a tunnel or something you better make sure it's as naughty as you say it is he matters as he follows me down the stairs and into the club the bar area has a Q3 deep and there are already people beginning to get undressed as we wait for a drink Lee has brightened up immensely in seconds surveying the crowd it might not be what he's used to but he knows debauchery when he sees it I can see his eyes narrowing as he scans the room already looking for bodies he wants to explore I grab us double vodkas and steer him further into the room the main room is tame I say and gesture towards a side door the room is empty I take a deep breath and set my bag down on the floor I put my gloves on in what I know looks like a commanding way and speak this is my room now you're going to do what I want aren't you he smiles again actually that wasn't a question you're going to do exactly what I want now Lee makes a mock salute and I stare at him not blinking take off your clothes I say as I get the Rope out of my bag and start to make the knot he does as I say having some difficulty with his boots while he fumbles I finish the knot and check it for security with a smaller rope I Loosely tie up his hands so that he'll have a false sense of security and assume that the knots could be easily relaxed stand on the chair and let me have a proper look at you he grins you could charge for this he says I ignore him and put the Noose over his head I'm going to tie you up to this hook and you're going to jerk yourself off as it gets tighter I'll control the level and I'm going to watch you getting closer and closer you're going to squirm and wriggle but you're going to carry on don't waste my time with anything less than the full show and when you finished it's my turn I place the end of the Rope around the hook and complete another knot allowing myself a moment of pride in my craftsmanship I hold the ends of the ropes in my hand and begin to tighten the Noose by pulling on them gently Lee begins to stroke himself closing his eyes and breathing deeply I pull harder and his eyes fly open but I urge him on with a rough bark I keep my hands steady and let him get accustomed to the pressure as his neck bulges slightly and his face grows redder under the permitan after 30 seconds he's groaning as I tell him to go harder and then as I lean closely towards his flushed face I kick the stool out from under his feet he drops suddenly and I let go of the Rope once I'm sure he's dead I get moving fast I untie his hands and move the stool a tiny bit closer so that it would appear he'd knocked it over himself and I pack up my stuff carefully leaving only the Rope around his neck I put my bag over my shoulder and head out into the night BBC sounds music radio podcasts how to kill your family by Bella Mackey episode 6 read by me L Potter Grace reveals the reason for her incarceration in Limehouse prison my solicitor comes to see me this afternoon which is a rare chance to see someone other than Kelly or the stodgy unsmiling guards who honestly I'm glad work here and not in one of the caring professions I am led into the visitors room where George Thorpe is already waiting for me his suit today is typically beautiful a light Navy wall befitting the recent warmer days and just a flash of a dull terracotta lining as he stands up he goes through the appeal process with me again reassuring me that we're on track for the final decision next week there is a reason that those true crime documentaries eke out the crime part and fade away when it comes to the resulting legal process it's complex demoralizing and mainly consists of waiting around for months I haven't told you much about why I'm in here have I that's because I resent having to it's not the Injustice of it that holds me back it would be fairly moronic to spend my time Railing at the unfairness of it all when what I've got away with is so much worse no it's the utter banality of it the ACT I allegedly committed is one I'd have had to carry out in a fit of rage with a lack of planning I'd have hated I made plans to murder seven people and ended up in jail for the death of someone I didn't even touch when we were 26 Jimmy met a girl Caro Morton I hated her from the moment I met her intensely she was young younger than Jimmy and me but she was remarkably self-possessed a lawyer who specialized in complex business takeovers she explained her job as the organizer if Nike wanted to buy Adidas I had not asked for an explanation the facts are these Jimmy moved into cairo's Immaculate flat in Clapham his communication with me crumbled almost immediately whenever I did see Jim she usually inserted herself into the plans drinks with her friends dinner at the latimers where she would greet me at the door occasional parties at their flat where she would make a great show of introducing me to incredibly dull ruddy-faced men in chinos and then abandoned me and walk off looking amused I took it all I didn't engage in the game I had bigger things to do I was gearing up for my final assault on the Artemis family and I was frustrated Enough by my lack of a proper plan I wouldn't compromise that to indulge a board Posh girl who wanted me to care enough that it made Jimmy seem more of a prize instead I watched her and I learned four things Caro had a raging eating disorder Caro had a not insignificant drug habit Cairo flew into rages with Jim which often became mildly physical from her side Caro was desperately unhappy he proposed on her birthday I had taken my eye off the ball so consumed with panic about my master plan and the rising impotence I felt about access to Simon I asked Jim to meet me at the South Bank where I greeted him with coffee and we walked along the river he called me gray as he always used to I told him that Caro had monopolized him rubbed out all the things that made him him and that I thought that marrying her would be a bad idea I'd got it into my head that this was courageous and that he'd want me to say it he looked away as I said it and then breathed deeply I understand that this is weird for you our friendship is intense wonderfully so you're my family my best friend my surrogate girlfriend I suppose for a lot of our life I guess I thought we were bound to be together but you never let it happen did you I must have flinched because he powered on Grace you kept us at a level you felt safe with people want to love you and you're repelled by it he ran a hand through his hair and exhaled you made it clear and I went with it but Caro wants more I love Caro and she loves me and I can't indulge this Grace I just can't I knew you wouldn't be able to just be happy about it mom warned me c warned me I understand it but that doesn't mean that you can do this again he looked at me then with a soft smile and rubbed my hand you need to see this for what it is I'm not abandoning you I'm not your dad this is just what happens in life he gave me a little hug and walked off towards Waterloo I didn't say a word I hated myself for being so weak I hated that he was right Caro and Jimmy held their official engagement party a month later we hadn't spoken much in the intervening weeks but I went because I was invited and because if I didn't then it would become a thing and worse she'd think that I was devastated and she'd enjoy it the party was loosening up when I walked in the door the flat was full of Caro's friends girls who were nervous level thin dressed in muted silk dresses the men were all in identical chinos and blue shirts occasionally there was a loafer on display but mainly it was trainers in an attempt to look more relaxed than they really were pretty much everyone was white I nodded at a few faces I recognized but kept moving towards the drinks table grabbed a glass of wine and headed out onto the balcony I've never been someone who enjoys parties the amount of small talk involved depletes my energy it's no better in prison prison makes people desperate to cling on to reassuring normality that means there's a lot of chat about breakfast options or discussion about what's on TV that night and unlike in normal life I cannot Escape it I light a cigarette slotting myself in between two groups of people I don't know and turn away so that it's clear that I'm not trying to join in the conversation I smoked my cigarette I aim for one a week like Gwyneth Paltrow does and that is the limit of our shared experience the conversations all come to a stop when Caro emerges onto the balcony her tiny body is sheathed in an emerald green slip dress her hair is loose and she's barefoot she spots me and draws me towards her with a slim wrist Hello darling so good of you to come I see you've got a drink Jimmy is inside panicking about glasses but I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see you go and find him I know he'll be so relieved that everything is okay she looks at me with a tiny raise of an eyebrow just the hint of a smile he told her of course I go inside not wishing to talk to Jim but desperate to get away from some guy called Philip who's now loudly suggesting that someone bust out the Charlie the flat fills up by 1am I can tell most of the people still here are high Cairo is swaying in the middle of the room rubbing her own arm Jim walks over to her and takes her hand she pulls away abruptly says something and turns away he tries again and she shoves him not hard but sloppily visibly let's all wake up a bit you guys are getting sleepy she says and heads to the kitchen I look across at Jimmy and make a face trying to convey that I'm here and also less obviously that his fiance is a nightmare but he looks at me with something veering on contempt and sits down Caro emerges from the kitchen with a silver tray teeming with shot glasses and people assemble around her to my betrothed she says before Downing her glass and slinging an arm around a brunette next to her she doesn't offer Jimmy one I can feel the rage build up again at her for being a [ __ ] at Jimmy for letting her behave like this someone has brought a cake covered in chocolate ganache I grab a knife and start carving it up into rough slices putting one on a napkin I hold it Aloft Caro have some cake I know it's not your usual fare but you've got to keep your strength up don't want to lose that famous right hook of yours the group huddling in the doorway titter Caro looks at me her mouth Frozen in Fury and stalks off Jimmy who was too far away to hear what I was saying walks towards me with purpose and pulls me into the toilet what are you doing he hisses I thought we'd agreed that you were going to at least try and be happy for us how can I do that when you've agreed to marry a narcissist who seems to actively dislike you I say standing up why do you expect me to be kind but you don't ask the same from Caro I push past him and pass the queue of people waiting for the bathroom the night has ramped up now it feels frantic and sharp it's not a happy show of love we aren't here to celebrate a union we're here to indulge Caro I want to leave but I can't abandon Jimmy here with a drunk fiance and a group of people who probably don't even know his full name eventually at 3am it's just the three of us and one other woman left in the flat the woman is talking earnestly to Jimmy Caro is in her own world changing songs every minute or so pouring another drink numbing herself I sit and watch wondering whether to call a cab but abruptly she stops dancing and looks at me have you got any tobacco I need a [ __ ] it's so hot in here Jimmy gets up and starts to suggest we all call it a night but she cuts him off and I pull out my cigarettes and tell her I'll come with her Jimmy finally looks at me it's fine stay here I'll sort this I say as I Usher her down the corridor and onto the balcony Caro stumbles outside and leans against the balustrade I produce cigarettes and lighter one you are behaving like a lunatic I say as I drag on my [ __ ] she doesn't look at me you have made this night a nightmare I can only assume you're desperately unhappy why are you marrying Jim break it off and find someone who has a nice family estate and will let you starve yourself to your heart's content as long as you look nice on his arm you'll be happier she pulls herself up onto the lip of the balcony so that she's sitting astrided and throws her head back she's laughing it's the most natural she's been all night you are so stupid she drools I don't want to marry some bonehead with a trust fund of course it's what I should do but I'd die of boredom Christ I shouldn't even have to indulge your jealousy and delusions everyone's a wreck Grace you should understand that but we're adults we'll work out a good understanding I'll earn the money and he'll be an upstanding Chap and our life will be nice simple normal I want normal she draws on her cigarette it'll all be just Grand but for that to happen it's becoming increasingly obvious that you probably need to not be a thing she emphasizes those last two words looking at me not laughing now Jimmy loves you you're like a weird sister wife aren't you always around but not quite his part of the family but you're not not really why didn't you take the hint when you hit 18 and slink off she's almost shouting flailing her cigarette in the air my hands are curled into tight little balls I move towards her and she leans back her eyes widening just a little what might I have done differently in that moment would I have pushed her violently right in the chest forcing her backwards over the balcony or would I have loomed over her and said something equally as devastating in the hope that I would somehow gain a valuable point or two offer it's something I've mulled over many times an interesting little Choose Your Own Adventure where the path you take leads to dramatically different end scenarios in reality I did nothing Caro fell off that balcony all by herself her thin little body unable to cushion her fall she was dead within seconds I told you I won that is of course until I didn't she fell and I was arrested charged and tried with murder she fell like the drunken emaciated mess she was and I ended up here in a tracksuit paying a man in tortoiseshell glasses hundreds of pounds an hour to try and find proof of my innocence how can you prove something didn't happen when the only witness is you Caro will never be able to tell the truth about that night and I suspect she wouldn't even if she could she'd find this amusing [Music] baby sounds music radio podcasts here's episode 7 of an Abridged version of how to kill your family by Bella Mackey Grace turns her murderous attention to Janine the matriarch of the Artemis family [Music] I did how to clean before I'd even thought about anyone else in the family that seems ridiculous really but there it is a lot of these plans have come down to luck despite the constant plotting I did as a teenager it turns out that the reality is always slightly more given over to chance or an idea that pops into your head at 3am Janine's murder was a bit of both I read an article in some Sunday supplement three years ago about the rise in The Internet of Things a term which basically means a bunch of devices connected to the internet which can communicate with each other collater shopping list when you run out of cleaning products for example or turn on your heating when you're set to come back from holiday the most normal people come to having a smart house is by buying an Alexa which they smugly instruct to play music in front of bored friends but for the uber wealthy it can mean linking up your entire house and everything in it guess what Janine had done with her Penthouse in Monaco that's what I mean about chance I read that piece with only a vague interest and three weeks later Janine was in the magazine lifestyle a monthly glossy which mainly featured very rich women photographed on plump sofas Janine's feature focused on the penthouse which housed nine bedrooms six bathrooms and a wait for it Serenity room which seemed Serene only in that it didn't contain any furniture apart from one cream sofa and a floor-to-ceiling mirror Janine explained that she retreated to it when life gets overwhelming and I need to re-center which didn't explain the mirror but perhaps sometimes it's better not to ask the reason she moved to Monaco she explained was for her health a heart scare made her reassess how she lived there must be an awful lot of health benefits in the principality the tax loopholes not mentioned as the interview spread out the interviewer prompted Janine to talk about her clever wardrobe Janine explained that every item in her cupboards was itemized photographed from every angle and stored in a database which she could access from an iPad it made dressing in the mornings a dream she told the magazine because the system could tell her which item to match with what the technology didn't stop with the wardrobes though everything in the home had been connected to the internet Janine explained the lights were no longer turned on with switches the oven did not have buttons not that I've cooked in a while she trailed and even her morning sauna was temperature controlled by the Smart Hub it felt like a house connected to the internet would be worth at least a little research could you use this technology to nefarious ends was it completely secure or could it be hacked with little effort could I find someone I trusted enough to help me that weekend I spent 28 hours online I looked at thousands of posts by amateur hackers who boasted of their successes growing about infiltrating clouds hubs phones and cameras in language that was almost completely alien to me I posted a message it was vague and short explaining that I was female 16. I figured that might appeal to some White Knight nerd and wanted help to mess with my horrible stepmother suffice to say my plea was like honey to a bee I replied to the least disgusting messages and blocked everyone else I spent the next week drip feeding further details to three users seeing how they'd react the one I held out least hoped for was cold Stoner 17 who seemed not to be able to use proper words and replied with gifts which I didn't understand I was about to cut him loose when he messaged me at 7am one day as I was getting ready for work yo he typed when we freaking out the old lady then I hate my stepmom too the language was basic but the full sentences were a start I discovered that he was 17 lived in Iowa with his dad and the aforementioned evil stepmother and spent a lot of time messing around on the internet when he should be doing his schoolwork I told him bluntly that it seemed unlikely he'd be a superstar hacker but apparently I didn't understand 17 year olds very well at all he spent the entire morning bombarding me with all the ways he could infiltrate laptop cameras mess with baby monitors and turn off people's Heating it was mild stuff but it still sounded more impressive than anything I could attempt and so instead of binning him off I engaged with him we talked a lot into the night on an encrypted instant Messenger as he told me how lonely he was and I told him fabricated stories about how much I hated my parents the more we spoke the more he relaxed and used proper spelling I'd forgotten how easy it was to manipulate teenage boys I felt like I was on the right track with Pete he told me his real name on day four and decided to tell him a little bit more about what I wanted to do to Janine I explained that she lived in Monaco kind of like France yes and that she turned my dad against me over the years I wanted to freak her out and teach her a lesson did he know anything about smart houses he knew a little he said but came back to me a day later fully clued the kid must have been up all night reading about all the ways you could infiltrate a home like Janine's and he was confident that we could get into her hub I got into bed at 11 PM which is ridiculously early for me and woke up at 9am with a start I reached from my phone and sawed 22 new messages from Pete the first message was a photo of a naked cartoon figure complete with a six-pack holding up a Gold Cup the next message was a video it was a shot of a bedroom the curtains open I watched the screen as the door opened then closed then opened again Pete was showing off what he could do he had control of Janine's house and I had control of her life I clicked back to the camera view and see Janine walking into her bathroom she begins to run the bath and carefully pins up her hair in the mirror can you turn on the sauna now without alerting her I messaged Pete I switch back to the camera Janine is applying a gloopy cream to her face done Pete replies good when she's finished in the bath make the lights go on in the sauna she should go in to turn them off and then we'll shut the door he messages straight back with a thumbs up I decide not to watch Janine take her bath but Pete has no such qualms narrating her ablutions and laughing at the way she sings Celine Dion songs as she lies back and soaks eventually Pete alerts me that she's getting out the sauna will be baking hot now I take a deep breath and tell Pete to turn the lights on I watched the camera footage and see the sauna suddenly clear in the frame Janine hasn't noticed she's wrapped in a towel and is cleaning her face over the sink make them flicker I type the lights dually turn on and off in Rapid succession Janine stops cleaning and frowns she walks towards the sauna with a look of annoyance on her face be ready to shut the door Pete please be ready I am jeez I'm the king of this place babe comes the reply she walks into the sauna and I hold my breath the door closes silently behind her At first she doesn't appear to notice I can see the top of her head as she reaches to turn off the lights fanning herself as she realizes that the heat is on full blast I watch as she pulls the door the glass wobbling slightly but not giving way LOL she's realizing she's stuck messages Pete but I ignore him transfixed by an increasingly panicked Janine who is now pressing a button repeatedly that's the alarm huh says Pete I've deactivated it obviously nobody can hear you scream lady Janine has sat down now and hidden by an angle I can no longer see her but she's banging on the glass and her dog runs into the bathroom alerted by the noise she can hear him and stands up her eyes peering over the Frosted strip on the door she tells him to get help an absurd order which shows me that she's getting frantic now he looks up at her ears pinned back then he tilts his head turns around and walks out of the bathroom I flick images and see him lie down in his little bed in the hallway and promptly fall asleep I checked the time on my phone she's been in the sauna for 15 minutes what's the temp in there I ask Pete let me check it's 110 degrees want it higher she might pass out crank it up a little I don't care if she faints I distract Pete from watching the CCTV too closely by talking about a potential trip to Iowa and he rises to the bait immediately telling me how cool it would be to hang out in real life we go back and forth on what we do together him getting increasingly flirtatious and me suggesting wholesome activities that his church leader would have approved of all the while I keep an eye on Janine stuck in that little hot cupboard there's no movement that I can see and I realize that if I want to talk to her I'd have to do it now I tell Pete to patch me in I left the phone to my chin and speak quietly but clearly I just wanted you to know why this is happening to you it's not an accident you've probably realized that by now she starts to yell something frantically banging on the glass door be quiet you don't have the energy for a fuss your husband left my mother with a baby he abandoned her he rejected me and your family have lived a life of complete pleasure and comfort ever since is that fair it didn't seem so to me she looks wild now one hand clawing at her neck it's getting harder to breathe huh I'll be honest I considered not explaining any of this but I wanted you to know the backstory as a courtesy more than anything my father your husband that's why you're in there it's good to know who to blame isn't it Pete messages me GA funny but it's been ages now I think she's really struggling Bibi should we let her out I don't care if she Stacks it but it's your call one minute she's fine turn it up a notch and give it a bit longer I reply staring at Janine who's tracing something with her finger on the glass I strain my eyes trying to make it out she makes a noise but it's muffled did you want to say something I say but she's not listening now intently moving her finger up the glass again she's barely able to move more than a millimeter before stopping we watch in silence until the first shape becomes clearer a letter G wobbly and small but clear enough I feel the tiny Pang of nausea Pete is engrossed what is she doing an SOS message the next letter starts to take shape a long line and then as she tries to prop herself up against the door a circle stuck to it she's drawn an R my vision goes a little blurry she is going to write Grace she knows she knows everything she'd probably always known about me about my mother and now she's going to expose me when Simon finds the message he'll know maybe not immediately but he'll put two and two together think back over the other deaths and realize what was happening turn it up I message Pete all the way the [ __ ] deserves it God you really hate her ha that story was mad cranking now Janine is trying to finish the r her perfectly quaffed hair is stuck to her face which is mottled Parts turning a weird purpley blue and then as I watch her finger slips down the glass her head disappears from sight and there's a loud thump silence I down a glass of water no movement the shaky G fading away into nothing Pete didn't go to pieces and panic about what we'd done as I worried might happen instead he was euphoric wanting to go over and over the day's events sending me memes about barbecues and asking who we could Target next this could be a business baby he texted me a week later as I was drinking a glass of wine and contemplating what color to paint my toenails the hormones of a teenage boy are not to be messed with so I didn't throw the phone in a river and disconnect from him entirely the boy was infatuated and I didn't want to test his Tech limits so I handled it delicately mainly by finding God a sudden flurry of Bible passages every time he messaged me something flirtatious really slowed down the frequency of his contact nothing like a bit of smiting to get rid of a horny teenager's spontaneous erection that's how teenage relationships should be they burn short but boy do they burn bright baby BBC sounds music radio podcasts [Music] in episode 8 of how to kill your family by Bella Mackey Grace is devising ever more elaborate ways to commit murder [Music] Kelly has a phone she hunches over it and types constantly her long nails clacking away and the glow of the little screen just visible from under the covers I don't ask where or how she got it normally Kelly is quite generous with her things but she hasn't offered to let me borrow her new prized possession once I wouldn't ask even if I had anyone to call you don't want to be in hock to someone like Kelly she might be a prize fluff head but she wouldn't hesitate to call in a favor I try to block out the sound with a pillow over my head wishing fervently that I could do the same to her do you want to hear something funny the first time I met my sister was in a nail salon there was no planning no carefully orchestrated scheme conjured up so that I could bump into her in an unsuspicious way it was a completely random encounter she belonged to a family who traveled in chauffeured cars and private planes they lived 10 feet above the rest of us and yet here she was sitting next to me asking for a gel manicure not saying please bryony Artemis has one of those faces you've seen before I don't mean that she looks like a girl you know she absolutely doesn't but she's going to look that social media has made ubiquitous pillowy lips a bundle of glossy wavy hair a body encased in athleisure I knew it was her in seconds I didn't spend years watching her grow up online without knowing innately what she looked like from every angle what a depressing waste of brain space what did you spend your twenties doing Grace well I watched an entitled Airhead make Vlogs about lip balm and I learned all about her top five sunglasses shapes she was looking down and typing intently on her phone with one hand stretched out in front of the manicurist as though she were giving her a gift I didn't have any feelings towards her other than a complete but detached fascination would I have been like her had I grown up within the moneyed bosom of her family probably I don't Kid myself that I'd have done anything differently her cousin tried bless him but he wasn't really carving out his own life with those frogs he was just rejecting the life that he was given one that he'd have had to battle to Stave off for the rest of his life Andrew couldn't fully Escape it and bryony had fully embraced it I'm sure I'd have ended up somewhere in between I was being useless I wasn't gaining anything from this chance encounter I was just sitting there like a lump dumbly watching bryony focus on her phone occasionally sigh and constantly smoothed down her hair but then I realized that maybe the problem was not with me perhaps there was just nothing really to learn about this girl with some of the family I've sought to understand them better in order to get near enough to kill them with briony her entire life is lived online I can see it all there's just not much to it bryony didn't have a job sure she dabbled in modeling but she never did a job that would surprise you still in a world where women are constantly exhorted to be a girl boss she had to do something to justify her life of Handbags and back-to-back exercise classes so bryony did what any less than self-respecting person does in the Modern Age she became an influencer it was a perfect fit she made video diaries which detailed her day-to-day activities one video with 180 000 views revolved entirely around a trip to the Osteopath and posted photographs of herself in various bored looking poses using a variety of backgrounds by backgrounds I'm talking about exclusive holiday locations often accompanied by hashtags which suggest that she's desperately in need of a break hashtag needed this she interspersed photos of such holidays with sponsored posts which looked just like the rest of her feed these adverts were supposed to show you how to be a bit more bryony tooth whitening kits flimsy dresses available for next day delivery a plated ring with her initials that she described as a must-have briany's openness on social media had provided me with a lot of options I had too many I fell down scenarios of such complexity that at one point I was researching how quickly I could get a helicopter pilot license I had to reassess while not all of my plans had been elegant they had been effective sometimes the lack of style bothered me who doesn't want to dispatch someone with a bit of weight as it happens the plan I settled on did have an element of humor to it there's one other thing I knew about bryony and initially I almost wrote it off as something she'd exaggerated for effect all social media influencers try to show some minor vulnerability it helps the brand some pretend they have a palatable mental illness anxiety often Works never psychosis bryony cast her net for something a while back she did a very personal you knew it was serious because she was wearing a plain black jumper and minimal makeup video about a recent diagnosis trembling she spoke directly to camera explaining that after an evening at vardo she'd collapsed and stopped breathing after extensive tests the culprit had been revealed and she could never eat a peach again when I watched this tale of tragedy I rolled my eyes and moved on but she didn't stop with her PSAs about the dangers of stone fruits the national food allergy trust got in touch with her and bryony found a little cause that would make her look civic-minded and serious she held a Gala evening to raise money for research she'd tell her followers to be mindful of friends with allergies a service only slightly undermined by the fact that she'd teamed up with a private allergy testing company and recommended their 79 pound testing kit so that you too could see if a seemingly innocent fruit trifle might kill you hashtag add her feed soon filled up with photos of Couture and sunsets and I'd have forgotten her stone fruit Crusade until one night when she live streamed an a e visit someone had given her a cocktail blisely assuring her that it was peach-free and she'd gulped it down before immediately recognizing that Tangy taste and running for the exit in a wild panic because her friends were idiots or more tragically perhaps because they didn't really know her nobody put two and two together and realized that she was having a serious allergic reaction it was only when she turned purple and hit the floor that an ambulance was called I wonder if the experience of an NHS a e was almost more traumatic for bryony than the episode itself you know where I'm going now don't you you should it's incredibly obvious but why shouldn't this one be easy some of these kills took proper planning let's not forget the weeks of frog drudgery and the Deep dive into London's sex party scene I took myself off at lunch time to buy Six luxury beauty products in cash from a few different department stores I bought a range of face creams one with peach seed extract when I got back to the office I locked myself in the disabled toilet spread them out on the floor and got to work the most expensive bottle contained a face mask made of pearls and I hazarded a guess that bryony would have a knife for the most high-end product this was the bottle I was staking it all on it was a tree to be hidden in a forest hence the other products ready to be packed beside it in a fancy box all nice stuff but she'd have tried most of it already and there's nothing as alluring to a vain instagrammer as a new product promising a level of Luminosity not seen before the face mask and the cream which contained the peach seed extract were made by the same company that was important for any future investigation the other products were a mishmash of brands I decounted four drops of the cream into the face mask bottle and shook it vigorously opening it again I sniffed the liquid if it smelt like Peach I'd be in trouble it pretty much smelled like any generic face mask sweet but not identifiably fruity I needed a little more reassurance though and added one drop of almond Essence to be certain it now reminded me of a bakery warm and reassuring which given my intent felt pleasingly inappropriate I carefully cleaned the bottle with a baby wipe and threw the peach extract cream in the bin the products then went into a plain white cardboard box lined with tissue paper a card attached Simply Red Briny we hope you enjoy these goodies the Pearl face mask is a dream I desperately wanted to say it was to die for but I couldn't allow myself to be quite so on the nose all wrapped up I stashed the Box in a bag under my desk and tried to forget about it as the Working Day dragged on I managed to get to the parcel shop five minutes before closing I sent it recorded delivery assuming the Artemis housekeeper would sign for it and gave no sender details she wouldn't look for them people like bryony receive a hundred gift boxes a week as I stepped out into the fading Autumn light the shop Bell tinkled as the door slammed shut I took it as a sign I would not check briany's social media accounts in the hope that she'd succumbed I'd given it a shot and it was out of my hands now for all we're bombarded with news all day long it's remarkably easy to opt out of it all if you do something as basic as forget to charge your phone I was out of the office that Wednesday on a training day designed to empower women in business it was mandatory which suggested that it was more to do with ameliorating the recent sexual harassment allegations against a team leader than it was about promoting women in business after eight hours spent in workshops where 14 of us sat around in a circle and role-played challenging office scenarios with each other I ducked out of the coffee and cake option at the end as I exited the tube station I grabbed an evening standard and rolled it up stashing it in my bag 20 minutes later I was home it was only then that I took the paper and sat down at my kitchen table the main story was something typically dull about a council house shortage to the side was a small photo of a girl a selfie taken from an angle 75 mouth The Familiar whoosh of adrenaline began snaking through my veins I knew instinctively who I was looking at but the fog which had enveloped my brain prevented me from fully registering what was happening for a Split Second air rest dead at 27. I opened the paper and there on page three was another photo of her this time much younger standing between her parents at an event briony the details were scanned she'd been found unconscious in her bedroom at 7 30 PM by a member of Staff read made paramedics were called but she was pronounced dead at the scene the article mentioned the tragic death of her mother just months before intimating that suicide must be a possibility I knew that was nonsense bryony wouldn't have killed herself in a thug of grief she didn't dive down to those emotional levels the family spokesman had pleaded for privacy at this difficult time and apart from the basic stuff about Simon and her gilded life no more information was given where was Simon was he at home when it happened or was he out with some new fling how did he find out did the maid call him or did the police was he alone now without his wife without his daughter his parents gone his brother dead did he have an inkling of what was happening yet but I was alone too with every other death I had been there for the last breath felt like I was in control [Music] here I was just like everyone else who had picked up a paper for the first time in a long while I wanted my mum I wanted her to know that her daughter was the one who was alive that I was doing this for her I opened a bottle of wine and ran a bath bryony was dead the details could wait her demise meant so much more than ticking another one off my list it meant that the list was almost complete one more to go daddy Dearest I was coming for you BBC sounds music radio podcasts [Music] here's episode 9 of how to kill your family by Bella Mackey and there's good news for Grace after I'd finished recounting the tale of bryony and her sad encounter with some Peach serum I'd fallen asleep waking in panic when the morning Bell sounded I was still holding my notepad and Kelly was moving about the cell singing a hideous rendition of a One Direction song I pushed the paper between the mattress and the bed frame and said good morning stupid careless mistake to risk Kelly seeing my work I should finish off explaining what happened with Caro since it's why I'm in here wearing a polyester tracksuit instead of something nice from Max Mara Jimmy had told the police he thought it was a murder immediately yelling about how much I hated Caro my jealousy it was suggested led me to push her violently off the balcony and hope that it would look like a tragic accident the other girl left at the party gave a signed statement saying that I'd argued with Jimmy about his engagement and then asked Caro to come and smoke with me outside this mousy girl who I later found out was called Angelica and who was decidedly less weedy than her appearance had suggested was instrumental in the case against me who knew that the girl with a fulsome collection of Alice bands had it in her I hired lawyer Victoria Herbert and prayed that she would be the Rottweiler she promised to be a Rottweiler in elmez scarves and Louboutin heels Herbert was bullish about my chances at getting off there was no forensic evidence and the bulk of the case was based on testimony from Angelica and Jimmy Jimmy giving evidence against me Jimmy the only person I truly cared about not looking at me once during the trial the jury deliberated for six hours Victoria sat with me during that wait which felt like a year when we were told that the jury was ready to return a verdict she was a bulliand assuring me that a quick turnaround was definitely a good sign for all her Bluster she was completely wrong on that count guilty guilty guilty the word echoed around the courtroom as people gasped and that was that I was sentenced to 16 years and taken to Limehouse a week later I missed the window for an appeal stuck in shock and unable to know what to do next but then George Thorpe came along a middle-aged white man here to save the day as he imagined he was born to do he had an appeal granted arguing that there was further eyewitness testimony which was not sought out by police at the time Thorpe had a stellar success rate which meant I felt relaxed about his final bill whatever happened I'd have enough money to put him on a permanent retainer once I'd laid claim to the Artemis Empire credit to Thorpe he exposed every possible flaw in the trial and he used the press to highlight those flaws knowing that they'd run any story they could on the Morton murderer Thorpe had an old school friend who worked in PR see some stories about Caro's mental health problems and hints were dropped about her eating disorder her love of a good party read drugs and her temper awful tactics really but this isn't a discussion about media ethics and besides I would have taken 100 stories ripping character shreds if it had helped my case I'd have read them even if they hadn't helped my case I don't think my confidence in being released is misplaced by the way George Thorpe saw immediately how badly the case had been handled and has exposed flaws in practically every part of the process this was certainly enough to ensure an appeal was granted but it was no Silver Bullet that came only a couple of weeks ago enough to almost guarantee my conviction is quashed Thorpe had come to see me for a long arranged update and I wasn't expecting any major news but I could tell the moment he walked in that something big had happened his neck was red and it was rising up towards his face as he Strode purposefully towards me in the visiting room his long wool coat flying behind him well it's been hard work David that's my associate's name he spent two months on this after a lot of misdirection and fobbing off he found the owners of the flat they live in Moscow and what do you know Thorpe was looking as Jolly as a Schoolboy now they told David that they had CCTV cameras up for the wazoo said it was standard at all their properties and did they keep the tapes ask David why yes said the Russians he stopped for breath as I held mine David has a copy Grace he's watched them and they will be in the office as soon as the footage has been verified by an expert it doesn't show the entire balcony but it shows enough you're not in scene when Caro takes her final bow I can't get you out today sadly but you've only got a few more weeks in here and there can be no doubt that this footage will exonerate you completely the moment my conviction was quashed Jimmy got in touch well actually the CPS had been in touch with him a week before the final decision to inform him of the New Evidence he'd written a letter for Thorpe to give to me almost immediately I won't relay the entire thing going on as it did for three full pages suffice to say he was full of remorse he ended the letter with a cliched passage about how he didn't expect me to forgive him but he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me love you Gray he signed off once the dust has settled a little I'll make some initial overtures to Thorpe regarding my father and his estate of course I won't put it as bluntly as that I'll just say that this experience has made me reassess my life and explain that I want to explore the connection with that side of the family it's too late to know my father I'll say as I dab my eyes with a tissue but I want to know where I come from and who he was there is nobody else left in that family except Lee's Widow Lara and Lara isn't even a blood relative she's an estranged wife and one that I graciously spared at that I knew from the moment I decided not to kill her that she would be my Gateway I will approach her with such charm and Grace ha that she will be on my side from the start two women wronged by Artemis men both of us trying to lead lives away from their heavy presence and now you're up to date tomorrow morning I shall pack up my meager possessions and get ready to re-enter the world I have to explain how Simon died I know that the final death is normally the icing on the cake in novels the biggest and most dramatic that's partly why I've been putting off writing it all down because this is not a novel I didn't push him out of a hot air balloon or throw him off Waterloo Bridge at sunset did you note that I killed six members of my family did you see that we seem to have already reached this magic number well there are no prizes for such eagle eyes don't be smug or think me too much of a fool I have already spent months dealing with my failure trying to shake off the feeling that it was all for nothing for those with a slower cognitive process I will spell it out I did not kill Simon Artemis my one aim in life and I will never achieve it and why not because he's dead but from a terrible accident and not by my hand what a cruel joke three days after I was arrested for the murder of Carol Morton Simon was reported missing by the Times newspaper the next day his face was on the front of every paper why would it not be the story had everything money power death Scandal and an intriguing mystery the media Revisited their reporting on the tragic year in the Artemis family Lee whose death had been hushed up at the time was outed as a sexual deviant a tabloid reporter managed to get into Janine's Empty Apartment and take photos of the sauna somebody accompanied by a caption which read burned alive did Simon take his own life after tragic wife's gruesome death before there was any real certainty that he was dead friends of bryony used the story as an excuse to post photos of her with the hashtag reunited in heaven If Heaven welcomed in sleazy Moguls and spiteful poses then something had gone horribly wrong in elysium's HR department Simon had disappeared at sea this makes him sound like an ancient mariner when in reality he'd started off on his speedboat while drunk despite warnings from the crew he'd fled to his Villa in Santa pay apparently I didn't even know he had a house there given that it's just around the coast from Monaco but perhaps Janine wanted a country house for much needed rest an assistant went with him out of concern that he might do himself harm which was pretty prescient as it happened according to the assistant Simon was driving too fast pushing the boat up onto its side alarmed the assistant went to take control and as he pushed past him my suzzled father tumbled over the edge the boat was traveling fast and the assistant took a while to figure out how to get it under control by the time he'd managed to slow it down and turn back Simon was under the waves the other man circled around for 30 minutes searching in vain for any sign of his employer before returning to the yacht to call for help but the expanse of water proved too much and Simon Artemis was presumed dead and as I write this the authorities have yet to find any trace of him not even a monogrammed cufflink remains he is gone he never got to know what I had done I wept for two full days the sorrow I felt was worse than when my mother died not for Simon but for all I had pinned on killing him myself that it would make my life mean something I would avenge Marie and prove that I could rise above my circumstances I would make things Fair now all I had for my troubles was the knowledge that I successfully killed some pensioners drowned a nice boy who wanted to help amphibians enticed my uncle into a deathly sex club and bumped off two spoiled women the world would never miss not quite the Glorious Victory I had envisaged for myself the thing that changed my attitude was reading that Lara had announced that she'd be opening the Artemis Foundation to help migrant children I enjoyed this immensely imagining this to be her final [ __ ] you to a family only slightly less likely to care about the plight of vulnerable miners than the witch in the gingerbread house but it also panicked me just how good was Lara intent on being if the money was about to be tied up in charitable trusts I'd have a hard time accessing any of it is perhaps not a great endorsement of my character that I was boosted into action by the worry that my money would be given to scared refugees but we Are Who We Are I've killed six people there's very little point in panicking about my moral fiber now I got to work then any lingering depression fading away remarkably fast I've even managed to reframe my failures I didn't get to kill Simon no point trying to soften that blow but I did dispatch six members of his family in pretty quick succession causing him great fear confusion and grief which followed him all the way to his final moments I comfort myself with the knowledge that he would never have been drunk and manic on a speedboat without my actions so I did play a vital role in his death even if I couldn't be there to witness his glorious demise I don't like boats much so perhaps it all worked out for the best in some strange way BBC sounds music radio podcasts [Music] the final episode of how to kill your family by Bella Mackey serves up a twist Grace gets a letter dear Grace I suppose I should start by introducing myself my name is Harry and I am your brother not the same mother of course that would be nonsense same father but that's probably obvious I'll start at the beginning I didn't find out who my father was until I was 23 years old well that's not quite right actually I spent that time with a lovely father Christopher but Christopher had a heart attack and died we were all inconsolable I took three days off work to be with my mother and she began to tell me the truth my mother went to London age 20. ostensibly to work at an art gallery off Savile Row but mainly she told me to have an adventure she already knew Christopher but they were just friends one night at the nightclub Vanessa's she was sitting in a booth with a group of girlfriends when a waiter brought over a glass of champagne and told her that it was from the gentleman at the bar when she looked over she saw a dark-haired man staring at her intently most of the men she knew were already facsimiles of their fathers this man was different and her girlfriends made a huge fuss about the approach urging her to go and talk to him so she did I don't need to tell you the rest really do I Grace because you know it's not your story and yet it is by the time mum found out that she was pregnant this man had moved on terrified by what her parents would think she carried on in a state of denial until one day Christopher told her that he knew what had happened and that they should get married such an act of Victorian heroism from the old man mum gave me my father's name on a Sunday just as I was loading my car up to go back to London Simon Simon Artemis she whispered as she pulled away from me and walked purposefully back towards the kitchen where my sisters were making cakes I spent a few months bouncing between work and my mother's house it became increasingly obvious that Christopher hadn't been quite as comfortable as we'd assumed he'd remortgaged without any of us knowing and he'd been dipping into his pension to pay the girls school fees can you see what's coming I guess it's fairly obvious I decided that Simon would be our Lifeline so I turned up at his office it was a risky move but I felt the direct approach suited me well I sat down in an armchair and looked him dead in the eye and I told him that I was his son he didn't seem very surprised I told him that I had no intention of embarrassing him but I had a family to support and he was the only person who could help me out I proposed a one-time deal slid a figure tucked in an envelope across the table and sat back he opened it and he laughed looking back I think it impressed him Simon gave me the money my initial figure was rejected out of hand but we eventually settled on a nice sum to tide mum over until I was in a position to shoulder the burden in the next six weeks it took to negotiate the settlement I met with Simon a few times it didn't take a genius to see that he enjoyed having a son he banted with me mocked my blazer offered to introduce me to his City mate but I never felt totally comfortable in his company and was relieved when negotiations were wrapping up I hoped that he'd be a gentleman about it all and to an extent he was but there had to be something in it for Simon I thought my silence was The Leverage but I was completely wrong Simon had paid up and now he wanted me in the fold was it because he liked me and was glad to have found this long-lost son could have been more likely though he just wanted to control the situation control me within just a few weeks it was pretty unbearable great the fascination with me wore off quickly and Simon started to treat me like he treated everyone else that meant I was expected to jump to it when called I was done with this late in life dad I was going to write him a letter explaining that I was grateful for his help but emphasizing that I had spent 23 years with a wonderful father and wasn't looking for a replacement but that night Simon's parents were killed in a car crash I found out when he called me sobbing the next morning I'm not a monster I couldn't leave the man crying alone so I sat in his lurid Mansion as he took phone calls and drank whiskey and then in a slightly garbled and not entirely coherent way he told me something which changed the course of my life he told me about you Grace he was drunk but he must have been drunk a thousand times and not told people about his secret daughter I can only suppose it was the grief I'll be frank with you he didn't know much he knew your name and where you'd grown up he even knew that you worked in fashion I spent the next two hours in a pub trying to find out as much as I could about you I must say grace you've got a remarkably minimal online presence but I found you eventually I don't know what I wanted from you back then perhaps just to see you in the flesh I think I had a deep need for information so I followed you I'm not proud of that by the way I felt grubby one evening you went to a pub and had drinks with a young guy who looked like a total hippie you left alone shortly followed by the Krusty and I was intrigued when you wander down the road and went into a wildlife center I was completely bemused but followed your lead and jumped the fence I stayed well away as you both went down to the deck by the water something odd happened where he held a match to your foot and then just as my legs started to seize up from Crouching you pushed him into the water I didn't know what to do my brain was screaming at me to rush to the water and pull the fellow out but my legs didn't move it all seemed so utterly mad you were sharing a bottle of wine with this harmless looking man and then you were killing him I dialed 999 but I didn't press call I told myself I would when you left but by the time you actually did my mind was calmer and I knew I couldn't how to explain what I was doing ah yes officer it's all fairly simple I was following my sister who doesn't know she's my sister and I lurked behind this lovely Bush while she drowned a fellow Simon let me know who you killed an accident he said Andrew was troubled so you'd killed our cousin but why you wouldn't benefit from his death financially and I couldn't see what you got out of it emotionally I kept on following you desperate to figure it out a few months later you started to go to nightclubs and bars alone you were on the hunt for our uncle it turned out that's when I started to figure out what was going on you were killing our family now I had to decide what to do with this information after a few days turning it over in my mind I decided that I would let whatever you were doing play out two things made my decision one is that I wanted Simon out of my life I could now see the future and it involved spending time with him whenever he demanded it the other thing was if you did Succeed In cutting down a lot of them I'd be in line for some of the fortune you see grace I'm a happy hypocrite I didn't want much to do with dear old dad but I would be completely at ease with taking some of the spoils I watched you continue on with your course of action I still don't fully understand why you let Lara off did she just seem like small fry I wasn't there for bryony of course but I very much enjoyed how you executed that well her that's when Simon really started to unravel he loved bryony beyond the pain of losing her he also began to get paranoid he'd tell me repeatedly that someone was killing off his family he became more and more unbearable as the weeks went on and from what I could see you weren't doing much I was confused by your lack of momentum I was barely able to function at work because he called every five minutes crying or drunk or both eventually I marched around there and told him that I couldn't do it anymore I told him he was behaving appallingly and couldn't treat me like one of his assistants he walked over to his desk and sat down I carried on listing the ways I felt he wasn't being a Gent ing so worked up that I wasn't paying attention to what he was doing until he came back over and presented me with a check it was made out for five hundred thousand pounds and told me that if I went with him to Santa pay for a week he'd make sure it was worth my while that kind of money was impossible to ignore and that is why not six hours later I stepped off a private jet and out into the warm French air on our first day in France Simon crashed out on a sofa and I escaped to the veranda I stretched out in the sun and scrolled through the BBC news site my eye was drawn to a photo of a beautiful woman she'd been pushed off a balcony and you'd been the one to push her my face went cold despite the humming Heat I felt like I didn't understand you at all why would you waste all your hard work to throw a love rival off a balcony how would you get Simon now I spent two hideous days with our father and his Villa where he shoved a frankly astonishing amount of cocaine up his nose and refused to open the curtains in case someone was watching the house on the third morning I awoke to find Simon standing over my bed eyes bloodshot and shirt ripped he'd clearly been up all night and he stank of whiskey we're out of here there's cameras you'll hear on my dime young Harry we're going for a ride he took a fresh bottle of shably under his arm and staggered to the speedboat as I trailed behind him we all have a Breaking Point don't we I didn't know that I was going to let him die truly I didn't it all just sort of happened as though I was watching it from a slight distance my story was accepted as gospel why wouldn't it be I was referred to as an assistant in the papers but I went unnamed which was a huge relief but Lara Artemis got in touch with me to thank me for being so discreet and she was so nice about it that I told her my true connection to Simon she wasn't surprised I must say Lara is a lovely woman Grace she's in charge of the family fortune now and she's been incredibly generous to me so why am I telling you all of this well partly it's because I wanted you to know how he really died I thought it might help you feel less of a failure to know that I took on the mantle and finished off what you started in a funny old way we were a team but mainly I write this to let you know that you need to leave it there now I need to protect my new life along with a sizable chunk of the family fortune Lara has graciously made me CFO of the New Foundation and we'll be running it together I set up a little scheme while you were in prison I hope you'll forgive the slightly dirty tactics I paid a fairly low rent investigator to find out who you share to sell with it wasn't hard as it turns out Kelly had somehow told half of Islington that she was the lucky one chosen to bunk up with the notorious Grace Bernard I wrote to her and explained that I worked for a firm investigating your crimes for a private benefactor and wondered if she'd be open to keeping an eye out for certain things I'll say this for Kelly it was refreshing to see how little detail she needed once Financial remuneration was dangled she watched you much more closely than you probably imagined and texted me with much excitement when she realized that you were writing down your life story she read it of course I'm surprised you were so careless and she photographed every single page with an enthusiasm I was in awe of then just to be sure she took a few Choice Pages for fingerprints and the like I hadn't even thought of that but I guess when you've been blackmailing as long as she has you learn to keep hard copies too so you see this must be where your journey ends you cannot kill me because the history of your crimes will be released immediately along with a letter my legal chaps have detailing that any accident which might before me would be nothing of the sort you must not contact Lara or said information will be handed to the police we've both been through a lot at the hands of the Artemis family but between us we're free now and it might not look exactly how you'd hoped but you still won we won good luck Grace I will think of you often your brother P.S don't worry about Kelly I've paid her handsomely so I'm confident she'll leave you well alone hey roomie it's Kel hope the outside world is treating you well call me there's things we need to discuss don't even think about ignoring this I know where you live LOL P.S my mum loved the spoon but she was confused by the marks on it I wasn't though I'll keep it safe miss you kiss kiss how to kill your family by Bella Mackey was read by me El Potter and Harry was played by Will Kirk it was Abridged by Rowan Ralph and produced by Nicola Holloway how to kill your family is a BBC books production for BBC sounds