Transcript for:
The Power of One More - Key Lecture Points

this is Audible Ascent audio a division of recorded books presents the power of one more The Ultimate Guide to happiness and success by Ed mylett narrated by Ed mylett dedication dedicated to the man who taught me the true meaning of one more my father Edward Joseph mylett Jr introduction the power of one more is the culmination of a philosophy I've been developing for more than 30 years at its core the power of one more is about your willingness to do one more rep make one more phone call get up one hour earlier build one more relationship or do one more thing for whatever your situation calls for you can find your best life by doing one more than the world expects from you I wrote The Power of One More to transform your life by adopting strategies I've successfully used time and time again by living a one more life you can completely change your relationships finances emotions the way you do business your outlook on life and more you are not born to be average and ordinary you were born to do something great with your life I know this about you the power of one more is a dynamic contract between us it's an important exchange of ideas and knowledge depending on who you are what I'm about to teach you will impact each one of you differently by changing how you think and act you'll find answers in those areas of life that matter most to you the beauty of all this is that most times the answers are relatively simple but for whatever reasons you may not have been able to see them or resolve them on your own figuring out where to begin can feel daunting most people are under the impression there are a thousand different things they must do to change their lives nothing could be further from the truth I've learned and you will too that one more thing is often all that it takes and frequently it's one more step away from where you are now begin with one more you're a lot closer to changing your life than you think you're one more meeting one more relationship one more decision one more action and one more thought from leading the life you deserve the power of one more challenges you to become hyper focused and addicted to searching for the one More's in your life the more you begin to see them and then execute the actions to realize them the more your life will change the individual thoughts and actions you take don't need to be profound however when you compound these small thoughts and actions and stack them up on top of each other the resulting changes over time are profound I'll teach you to keep promises to yourself creating an internal belief system that you are destined for a better life than what you have now when you implement one more strategies you live by a set of principles above and beyond those of most other people this is not just a How to Succeed in Business or a how to succeed in your relationships book although for some it will be for most of you this book will have several applications that's why you should think of this as a how to succeed in your life book your challenge is to take these strategies and apply them to the areas of your life that matter most to you there are no wasted words in this book but some parts of this book will connect with you more than others certain principles will challenge your ways of thinking beliefs and values and several will land on you like a ton of bricks and change your life forever a purposely designed these strategies to be Universal as well you're going to hear about principles that apply to all people in every area of life you can take lessons from each chapter whether you're a world-class athlete a CEO a rapidly rising star in the business World a parent or still in college some of you will use this book to transform your life completely others will focus on insights to enhance specific parts of your life that are lacking or troublesome I'm confident the power of one more will resonate with you because in many ways I'm just like you I'm not the person now that I was when I first started out on my own transformational Journey like you I struggled at times I get what it's like to worry about money relationships and my purpose in life I know what it's like to lack confidence fall into a slump and wonder if I'll ever feel happy I've been beyond poor to the point I couldn't even pay the water bill in an apartment where my wife and I once lived I faced health problems I've lost people close to me and over the years I've battled doubt frustration fear and anxiety I've lived with not having the answers even worse I've also been in places where I didn't know what path to take to find the answers I so desperately sought for those of you who have lived in a stressful or dysfunctional family I also know what that's like later in this book I'm going to tell you about the personal challenges I face being raised by an alcoholic father who was also my hero and how that impacted my self-esteem in fact one of the reasons I've become so proficient at learning how to grow is because I had such a far place from which to come the truth is I needed to learn how to grow so I could simply function to reach a baseline the good coming from all this is that it reinforced my belief people can dramatically change their lives I saw it firsthand from watching how much my father changed over the years I also wrote The Power of one more because after years and years of struggling and trial and error I learned what it takes to succeed in life I've paid a price but I now know what many of the answers are and what it takes to win along the way I've also watched good friends and business associates Chase what they think is fun at the expense of winning sadly they become distracted and lose sight of just how good winning feels then they spend a lot more time and energy trying to get to a place they could have been already when I first started out I often set fun aside in favor of winning the ironic thing is it didn't take long before I figured out that winning is fun in fact one of the quotes I'm best known for is winning is more fun than fun is fun when you're finished listening to this book hopefully you'll think so too I've been living by these principles for 30 years applying what I've learned to design my best life my goal for the power of one more is to help you identify your talents gifts and abilities then maximize them for your own greater good and for the people around you many self-improvement and performance books I read say the same thing over and over I don't know about you but I lose interest after a couple chapters I purposely set out to make the power of one more different in that respect the strategies and philosophies I'm going to share with you are unique unto themselves The Power of One More teaches you to combine your gifts with directed intentional thoughts and focused actions that gives you the resources you need to produce the standards goals and outcomes you deserve every one of the principles I share in this book has worked for me beyond my wildest dreams I'm also humbled and aware that I've been gifted with a certain amount of luck and God's blessings you have your own version of these same gifts as well but like me you also need to put in the work and keep an open mind when it comes to making changes in your life in many cases those changes won't be easy at first in fact the more worthy a goal and the more changes you go through to reach it the more resistance you'll encounter expect that plan for it when you put yourself in the right frame of mind and you're mentally tough you'll succeed more often than you otherwise would the power of one more is the product of years upon years of how I've lived grown and changed my life to produce wealth happiness and meaningful relationships with people that I care about deeply I want to share the lessons I've learned with you so that you can lead your best life too approach the power of one more like a key that will unlock your mind and you may be surprised how one more thought and one more action will change your life forever remember we're a lot alike you and me if I I can do it you can too chapter one one more identity they always say time changes things but you actually have to change them yourself Andy Warhol in many ways reshaping your identity is the most fundamental concept of what it means to be a one more thinker and doer your identity is a powerful and influential driver that governs outcomes in all parts of your life identity defines the limits of your success finances and achievements it controls the quality of your emotions relationships and self-worth what exactly is identity I Define it as the thoughts Concepts and beliefs that we hold as the most genuine parts of our inner being you can put on a face or act a certain way for the rest of the world but you can't lie to yourself when it comes to these things deep inside you know what's true about you put another way identity is this what we perceive about ourselves is what we believe about ourselves here's the Paradox about identity many people know they could improve their lives significantly if they change their identity however many people are willing to take the necessary steps even when it's in their own best interests are you willing to sacrifice who you are for who you could be the answer should be a resounding yes that's a logical conclusion and sounds obvious so it's a mystery why lots of people struggle with this fundamental question you weren't put here on this or if to be a bump on a log or a lump a coal in the ground your mission is to keep growing expanding and learning to lead a full and happy life when you do these things your identity will change identity is so important because it unlocks so many other amazing things in your life when you create a one more identity you give yourself the gift of taking control by dictating internal messages instead of being governed by external forces that have been undermining your happiness possibly since the day you were born your identity is shaped early in childhood as a child you were a blank canvas you were impressionable happy and accepting you had no reason to believe the external world was out to hurt you in any way gradually you learn to function in the world based on what you were taught by your parents family members friends teachers and others with whom you came in contact of course many people were well intentioned however that doesn't mean what they taught you was always right the fact is nobody is always right as a child you accepted much of what you were told right or wrong your identity became the good and the bad parts of how other people influenced you the unfortunate thing is you were defenseless your critical thinking skills did not exist to give you the tools you needed to survive in the world as you Grew Older you began to confirm your identity if someone said you weren't a good student or a lousy athlete that became part of your identity he still didn't have the capacity to disavow what you were being told you grew into adulthood and you cared with you these beliefs about yourself your identity had taken root your limitations became a part of you and because they were so ingrained you weren't even sure where they came from that's a lot of Baggins to Lug around isn't it by the time you're old enough and able to question your identity you were living with the identity you had adopted from a time when you didn't have a choice of course this assumes you're even aware of how your identity impacts you many people simply go through life screwed up and unsuccessful and never quite knowing why however as a one more thinker you are now aware and you can change your identity once you become intentional about it here's how adjusting your identity thermostat I've touched briefly on your identity thermostat in the past but now I want to give you more details on how this concept can work on your behalf your identity is the force that governs your life and regulates your results think of it like a thermostat your internal thermostat sets the conditions of your life you walk into a room and if it's too hot or too cold you look for a thermostat to adjust the temperature to what you like it doesn't matter what the external conditions are the temperature could be 100 degrees outside but if the thermostat is set for 75 degrees it kicks on and the air conditioning cools down the temperature and regulates the environment the same applies when it's 30 degrees outside the thermostat kicks in and warms your surroundings to 75 degrees your life works exactly the same way if you're a 75 degree person you turn on the air conditioners of your life and cool it back down to what you think you're worth this is what happens every time your results begin to exceed your identity you unconsciously turn on the air conditioners of your life and cool it back down to what you believe you deserve much like a thermostat your identity regulates your internal self-worth it regulates your actions and results many people are under the false assumption that external factors are what regulates your thermostat they believe that getting a promotion getting married to the love of your life or getting an advanced degree from college determines their identity if you don't raise your identity then eventually you will turn the air conditioners on of your life sooner or later and that temperature will drop back down to 75 degrees or some other setting you don't want simply because you didn't take charge and decide what identity you wanted however if your thermostat is set the right way it will transcend conditions and you will find success no matter what the external conditions are the truth is that you can acquire all the talents skills abilities you want but until they align with your identity you'll fall short of the goals you set this applies across the board for example think about your Fitness identity let's assume you lost 20 pounds at one time in your life despite being armed with the best weight loss recipes or workout regimens a year later you added all that weight back and you're right back where you started that's because your Fitness identity thermostat is set at 75 degrees it means you're comfortable carrying around 20 pounds and try as you might you'll always drift back to that 75 degree setting you can take all the right actions with diet and exercise but if your internal thermostat is not set for success and remains at 75 degrees eventually you'll drift back to your old thermostat setting by eating the wrong food or falling out of a solid workout regimen you'll use external circumstances to find ways to cool you back down to what your internal circumstances believe your worth here's another example maybe you're doing well financially but you can't seem to get to that next level of wealth you think you deserve you may want 10 million dollars in the bank however until you turn up your thermostat to believe your identity is worth 10 million even if you make that much money your thermostat will eventually cool you off to what your identity believes you are worth it may take a few years but eventually unless you change the internal thermostat you'll start to experience Financial setbacks chances are these types of situations and many others are something you've experienced there's no shortage of information coaching or paths to success in any part of your life so it follows the barriers to success are found inside of you that is why you can do all the right things and still not get the results you wanted remember this key Point unconsciously we always find a way to get back where our thermostat is set based on what we think we're worth simply put you can't achieve 100 degrees of Fitness or wealth with a thermostat set for 75 degrees of Fitness or wealth your thermostat boxes you in until you can create a new identity that triggers growth and change this isn't to say that you can't achieve success because you will in many cases however unless you adjust your identity down the road your thermostat will bring you back to where your identity is set typically most people blame external forces when this happens do these examples sound familiar I tweaked my back and couldn't work out for eight weeks then I lost interest in getting fit the economy turned and I lost a ton of money in the stock market so I gave up on my dream of being worth 10 million dollars if your thermostat isn't set high enough you'll see these as coincidences Karma or bad luck that conspired against you but that's not what they are if your thermostat is set high enough these are little more than temporary setbacks however the difference between you as a one more person and everyone else is that you will view these as speed bumps on the road to your goals you won't use temporary setbacks as an excuse to create permanent failures you'll have the grid it takes to gravitate to where your thermostat is set and eventually you'll rise to that temperature remember as a one more person change comes from thinking and acting this book is not about doing one thing or the other you must do them in unison when you think and act in congruency you don't cool your thermostat back down instead your best position to turn your thermostat up to achieve the results you deserve the trilogy of changing your identity once you buy into the concept that changing your identity is the key to changing your life the question then becomes how do I readjust my thermostat to create my new identity that process is anchored in a Trilogy of core principles Faith intentions and associations Faith according to Matthew chapter 17 verses 20-21 truly I tell you if you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say this to the mountain move from here to there and it will move nothing will be impossible for you nothing moves mountains quite like faith the same applies to moving your thermostat so that you can move your identity to a new place too if your person of Faith whether you practice Christianity Buddhism Hinduism Islam Judaism or any other faith-based teachings fundamentally you believe your God loves you as a part of my faith I believe that I came from the most extraordinary DNA in the world God's DNA as an extension of this I also believe that God did not make me in His image to live with a thermostat set at 75 degrees my God and your spiritual deity too created us to live a full faith-based life with a thermostat set at 100 degrees many people say they lead faith-based lives but how many of us say they have God and faith in all parts of our lives several people I know read the Bible go to church and are kind-hearted and loving people but to these same people extend their faith into their beliefs about personal fitness Finance relationships and business in many cases the answer is no one of the keys to changing your identity is to let faith move mountains in all parts of your life intentions when our actions are based on Good Intentions our soul has no regrets Anthony Douglas Williams I meet many people who constantly beat themselves up for where they are in life instead of giving themselves credit for their intentions to move to a new identity if this sounds like you all you're doing is reinforcing your current identity your 75 degree life do these moans sound familiar I'd give myself more credit if I'd gotten that promotion my life is a complete mess since I got divorced three years ago I'm a failure since I had to claim bankruptcy during the pandemic you're not letting yourself up off the mat when you do this it's a dead bang loser of an approach to life you're not being fair to the person who matters most you thinking this way creates a downward spiral and the farther down you spin the harder it is to climb out of it and create a new identity you'll accept frustration you won't want to be around people and quite frankly most people won't want to be around you instead of souring on life flip your script tell yourself you intend to do good and to serve that you intend to create a thriving business and have money in the bank you intend to treat people around you with care and are worthy of loving and caring relationships apply good intentions to all parts of your life and then Watch What Happens your intentions will set your mind to work creating your new identity your brain works on what it's told when you tell your brain you want to attract it will Design internal messages that will feed it the good parts of who you are and manifest themselves in a new identity over time intentions are the currency that lets you make deposits in your identity Bank instead of you creating a run on that bank that will eventually drive you into identity bankruptcy associations consider the words of TF Hodge what surrounds us is what is within us you can't possibly stay at 75 degrees if you hang out with people operating at 100 degrees through proximity you absorb their traits actions and beliefs of the people you associate with consciously and unconsciously their knowledge and ideas become a part of Who You Are this is why you should seek out quality associations that can either directly or indirectly help you grow to be the 100 degree person you were meant to be the other side of this is if you want to raise your thermostat and change your identity you may need to say goodbye to many of the 50 degree people in your life yes I know that can be a hard thing to do until you clear out space in your life for the right associations you'll be mired in relationships that have outlived their purpose and now hold you back I'm not saying this part is easy but at times it is necessary the other way to approach this is to reject 50 degree behavior and raise other people's thermostats Instead This is an especially viable approach when you're dealing with family members or lifelong friends or saying goodbye could be difficult the bottom line is that you're a reflection of the people you associate with if you associate with people who Elevate you and make your thermostat rise then you're on the right path to creating a new identity once you're armed with the awareness of the trilogy you can only move forward if you adjust the level of self-confidence you have to change your identity self-confidence is the unifying Factor I go into greater detail in chapter 12 on habits but self-confidence in how it relates to your identity are crucial Concepts worth repeating the first thing to know is that identity is different than self-confidence identity is what you believe you're worth your internal thermostat self-confidence is the means to deliver on it self-confident people share one Habit in common and that is the ability to keep the promises they make to themselves when you're in the habit of keeping promises you make with yourself you're on the pathway to self-confidence self-confidence is also a form of self-trust and if you can't trust yourself you need to do some hard thinking about your life it also follows that if you're timid you won't act if you have doubts you paralyze yourself with fear doubts are the products of external factors in your life they are incubators for negative thoughts when these negative thoughts grow they take over all your thoughts and your mind descends into unproductive and damaging places that's why you must guard your thoughts pull out the mental weeds that threaten to take over the good parts of your psyche you may not get them all and that's okay self-confidence is not about doing away with fear or timidity it's about moving forward anyway because of the agreements you made with yourself the other critical thing is that self-confidence is generated from within and because it's an internal emotion you can stack the deck in your favor Ralph Waldo Emerson put it this way what lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you let that sink in you are the only one who gets to say in how much self-confidence you want when you break internal agreements you're only fighting with yourself if this sounds a bit crazy that's because it is wouldn't you rather save your energy for other battles you're fighting like most things in life when keeping a promise to yourself the first step is always the hardest I guarantee that once your train of thought pulls out of the station in your head you'll find the momentum you need to act you'll see the results as you develop a new identity those results will be the fuel that keeps the train moving down the tracks the opposite of self-confidence is self-sabotage it's like a computer virus that lurks inside many people that is only triggered when you try to move forward with an important part of your life self-sabotage triggers discouragement and doubt the mortal enemies of self-confidence Farnham Street Media founder Shane Parish perfectly described how these things could damage you when he said optimism might not make you successful but pessimism will ensure you don't succeed when you self-sabotage you dial down your thermostat and deny yourself the Bliss that was headed into your life maybe this is you perhaps it's somebody you know some people just have a knack for being given a gift and then finding a way to undermine the outcome the worst part is that the same people seem to repeat this type of thing over and over they're labeled a hot mess or somebody who hasn't gotten their life together yet in reality they've just dialed their thermostat to what they believe they're worthy of receiving how often have you seen somebody you know meet the woman or man of their dreams only to cheat on them be gross and inappropriate or downright rude do you know people who've made a pile of money but then go on a self-destructive spree using drugs or alcohol recklessly spending or gambling their wealth away most of us have also heard cautionary tales of pro athletes who don't train or eat well or who over indulge in vices and in some cases it cost them their lives they're all guilty of self-sabotage because their lack of discipline is a lack of self-confidence that does not match up and support their identity their internal thermostat doesn't match the initial success they've enjoyed eventually that thermostat resets itself and the person crashes back down to where their thermostat says they should be it's sad when this happens because it doesn't need to be this way here's an exercise I use to destroy self-sabotage discouragement and doubt I pay attention when I have a self-sabotaging thought I mentally record that thought then I visualize and see myself scratching it out the first time I record the thought and strike it out I'll see it so I do this repeatedly as many times as it takes until I can no longer see the thought because it is so marked over and blacked out when I get to the point where I can't see it the thought has been stricken from my mind my mind no longer lives with the thought and that thought loses its limiting power on me to successfully align with your one more identity you must keep the right promises with yourself you must eliminate negatives and create an environment where self-confidence becomes an asset instead of one more thing you fear now that you know more about how self-confidence and identity work together it's time to look at the misconceptions that can skew proper thinking misconceptions about self-confidence and identity recognize and reject these misconceptions and you'll fortify your quest for a new identity I am what I possess lots of people link self-confidence and identity to their possessions they make the flawed assumption that the more possessions they acquire the higher their self-confidence will be and the more perfect their new identity will be that's not the case it's a hollow approach to self-confidence and identity there's absolutely nothing wrong with acquiring material things I would be disingenuous if I told you that what I don't do is link my possessions in material wealth with my self-confidence and my identity I consciously keep them separate and so should you I am my accomplishments this is a horrible trap to fall into because all your life to feel good about your self-confidence and your identity you're going to have an insatiable need to keep accomplishing things keep it simple you are you you were put on this Earth to do great things but feeding your ego is an Insidious Trap by all means attempt great things accomplish great things just don't get so caught up in patting yourself on the back that you lose the humility you should have remember it can all be taken away in an instant and if you use your accomplishments as a crutch for your self-worth the fall will be hard I guarantee you I am what other people say I am wrong the essence of self-confidence and internalizing your search for a new identity flies in the face of this belief forget the ego Strokes don't base your worth on social media hearts and likes don't beg for compliments it's a cheap and needy way to live your life when you do you're doing the opposite of improving your self-confidence and designing your new identity what I look like means everything so many people fall into the Trap of what they think Beauty should be this is especially true for women who are bombarded with television programs blogs podcasts social media and magazines all of which place an extreme focus on external beauty here's the real deal true beauty comes from within your beauty comes from your soul intentions Your Capacity to give how you treat people your beliefs and your kind heart it's not bad to work on your health lose weight dress in nice clothes and pay attention to your grooming the trick is to do it for you and nobody else remember you were defined by the content of your character and not by your reflection in the bathroom mirror as a one more thinker your identity is foundational to who you are use the trilogy and apply self-confidence to find the right temperature on your identity thermostat when you do you're well on your way to not only creating your best identity but also leading your best life chapter two one more and living in your Matrix this is your last chance after this there is no turning back you take the blue pill the story ends you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe you take the red pill you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes Morpheus The Matrix I'm a huge fan of the Matrix Not only was it a groundbreaking movie when it was released in 1999 but the film is also stacked with one more lessons if you haven't seen The Matrix yet stay with me it's all going to make sense in a moment also be advised spoilers are ahead The Matrix tells the story of Keanu Reeves character a computer programmer Thomas a Anderson who leads a double life as the hacker Neo he joins forces with the legendary hacker Morpheus and a quest to destroy artificial intelligence that is running human life known as The Matrix as they battle the agents that protect the Matrix Neo begins to display superhuman gifts including the ability to slow down time that indicate he could be the one or the person chosen to bring down the Matrix speaking of the one I want you to realize something when you see a happier financially successful family understand that at some point in their history they weren't happy or successful that is until the one showed up and the one in that family changed that family tree forever the one can change the emotions finances level of happiness and the way the family thinks among many other things in my family I am the one not because I wanted it or I liked it but because I was ready to fight for it and because I learned the strategies it takes to be the one my prayer for you is you become the one in your family the reason I love the story of Neo being the one is because I believe it's a metaphor for what exists in Every Family it Bears repeating when you see a family that is Happy successful or living out their dreams understand that they did not start out that way and then the one in that family stepped up and changed that family Legacy forever I'm teaching you about the Matrix so that you can be the one who steps up in your family too here's something that may surprise you what if I told you you're already living in your Matrix what if I told you there are already forces at work deep inside you that are slowing down parts of your life interpreting and reinforcing what you've already programmed into your Consciousness you're not even aware this is happening but it is your Matrix is a more colloquial name for your reticular activating system Ras for short your Ras is the filter that gives weight to the important things in your life and filters out the things that are not the RAS is a concept I've talked about in the past much like creating a one more identity I haven't explored it as much as we're going to in this chapter and just like a one more identity learning about your Ras is vital to linking with many of the other chapters in the book however while understanding the science behind your Ras is important because people are sometimes intimidated or turned off by heavy duty scientific Concepts I've translated our discussion into a more accessible and digestible strategy using the Matrix as an example whether you identify it as your Ras or your Matrix remember this think of the RAS as the filter that reveals to you what's most important to you in your life here's an example that illustrates how the RAS works let's say you want to buy a blue van immediately you start seeing blue Vans everywhere it could be three lanes over on a freeway when you're out running errands or dropping your kids off at school guess what those blue Vans were always there you just never noticed them before but now you see them because they become a part of your Ras they've been filtered into your Consciousness since they've become important to you this extends out to other parts of your life for example the clients your level of Fitness the relationships or the emotions you want become your blue Vans they were always there you just never saw them because they weren't programmed into your Ras you just filtered them out because they weren't important enough to you at the time how do they become important through repeated visualization and thought these things teach your Ras what it should be hearing looking for and feeling because your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with this is what I mean by slowing down when you repeatedly visualize and obsessively think about something you tell your Ras to pay attention to that thought and that's when the world slows down that's how the RAS works you already do this exceptionally well but chances are you don't do it with enough Direction intention or awareness however if you can direct your Ras to focus better on the blue Vans in your life then your life begins to change one more thinkers learned to work in concert with their Matrix in turn this repeatedly creates opportunities and outcomes that will Fast Forward your life in countless ways living a Deeper Life by slowing down your Matrix the concept of slowing down time can be traced back to ancient civilizations the 5th Century BC philosopher Zeno posed this question if a Flying Arrow appears to be at rest in any particular instance in Flight doesn't that actually make it Motionless it was one of the many paradoxes he posed in his time we've come a long way since then but the concept of our relationship with time fascinates us just like in The Matrix if you want to live a deeper more meaningful life you must learn to slow down your internal pace from a technical standpoint The Matrix used cinematic special effects to create what has become known as bullet time bullet time was created by placing 120 cameras in a 360 degree circle around the action taking thousands of shots and then stitching those shots together the results make viewers feel like they're moving around a slow motion scene that plays out in a matter of seconds which is what you ultimately see in the movie as directors the wachovskis weren't the first to use this technique but they were the first to make it mainstream it's used several times in the Matrix and subsequent sequels but the best known and remembered use is when Neo Dodges bullet after bullet on a rooftop hence bullet time bullet time can work for you too it's the equivalent of an extreme version of stopping to smell the roses but it's a lot more than that when you strategically slow down your physical and mental being you create a space that allows your senses and brain to reset you see things differently and you start to realize one More's have been there all along you just needed to change the variables in your life to see them the key is to be aware of your circumstances and your environment bullet time allows you to go looking for one more business deal concentrate on one more way to improve your tennis game or one more way to make your marriage better I'm trying to free your mind Neo but I can only show you the door you're the one who has to walk through it Morpheus it takes time and focus to engage your present life much like the Matrix you'll be more invested in what happens to you when you put forth this effort just as important you must consciously decide which path you want to choose this brings us to the famous blue pill versus red pill Choice Neo must make when Morpheus asks Neo to choose between the pills he essentially asks Neo to choose between fate and free will in The Matrix taking the blue pill represents choosing fate all choices are already decided and actions are predetermined the concept of choice is only an illusion Neo instead opts for the red pill and places himself in a place of Free Will where he can change his fate based on his decisions he joins Morpheus and Trinity and other key freedom fighter who also places a higher value on free will no matter how unpleasant the world is everyone has the same ability to choose their reality one more thinkers are simply more intentional about it they choose Free Will and action because they know what they want and combine thinking and action to move them closer to their standards and goals they raise their awareness levels in doing so they slow down their world and their world changes to better align with what they want in life Neo sooner or later you're going to realize just as I did there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path Morpheus because of the pace of Our Lives we often choose to look at only certain things to travel along pre-established paths for many it's a matter of expediency but it also eliminates several colors in the big beautiful rainbow of life don't be too hard on yourself if this sounds like you from the time we're born we're taught to obey others follow the rules memorize facts as the world goes faster and faster it's more of a struggle to keep up in a light speed technologically driven era to survive we constantly accept that others decide what's best for us and that we should follow without question what if you challenge this assumption not all the time but in the areas of your life that are important to you what if you gave yourself a mental time out and thought long and hard about the choices you face what if you explored your options more deeply when it mattered one more thinker should be more deeply engaged in their own lives when possible your Matrix and your choice between the red pill and the blue pill are waiting for you how your Matrix works it's cool to attach a movie label to one of your core functions but to fully appreciate how your Matrix works you need to understand the science behind your Matrix as well I mentioned the reticular activating system Ras earlier it's the mental muscle that allows you to recalibrate your Matrix your Ras filters things into your awareness that are important to you and filters out the things that are not in neurological terms reticular means net or web-like the res is a network web formation of nerve cells and their connections located deep in your brain stem between your spinal cord traversing up through your Thalamus in the center of your brain these cells extend outward to your cerebral cortex which is the thin layer of neural tissue on the surface of your brain the RAS does not interpret the quality or the type of sensory input you provided the RAS activates your entire cerebral cortex putting it on high alert this increased arousal creates an enhanced ability to interpret incoming information and preps the brain for appropriate action appropriate action means that the RAS Alters your brain's electrical activity regulating the electrical voltage of brain waves and the speed at which nerve cells engage it also releases chemicals that regulate sleep pain motor function emotions and memories these chemicals include acetylcholine that regulates movement and dopamine norepinephrine and serotonin that are also associated with Consciousness and feelings the res has been linked to psychological disorders too abnormalities in the res result in schizophrenia Parkinson's disease and post-traumatic stress disorder PTSD among others when you're awake your brain produces low voltage brain waves that are incredibly fast so that you can organize information quickly and attentively the same thing occurs during the rapid eye movement REM cycle of sleep which produces intense dreaming body movements and faster breathing and pulse rates how the RAS configures these signals also makes you more or less alert more or less cognizant and will determine how your brain interprets various messages you receive in this way the res is your brain's natural filtering system it filters out everything that's not important to you or unnecessary noise that interferes with your decision-making process including processing messages when you sleep the res also filters in all the things that are important to you into your Consciousness by doing so you can create your own reality but you have to be intentional and work at it for one more thinkers your Ras is your Matrix understanding the science behind how your Matrix Works makes it easier to understand how and why you should find ways to put it to work in your favor here's a quick illustration if you're looking for things to be offended by your Ras will activate and that's what you'll find all day long on the other hand if you're looking for things to be grateful for that's what you'll find instead when you intentionally activate your Matrix to focus on certain things you'll see one more is everywhere without consciously knowing it your Matrix sifts through a mountain of data it presents only the pieces that are important to you your Matrix programs itself to work in your favor you've heard the saying garbage in garbage out I bet you didn't know there was a whole branch of science connected to it it's all about you and your Matrix your Matrix also seeks information that validates your beliefs it filters the world through parameters you give it your beliefs shape those parameters in a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts if you think you're bad at hitting a golf ball or painting as a hobby or giving a speech then you'll probably be horrendous at those activities conversely if you think you can hit a 90 mile an hour fastball learn a new language in three months or Master ballroom dancing in a year you'll have a much better chance of doing so your Matrix helps you see what you want to see and then it goes to work to influence your actions your Ras also helps Explain the law of attraction this is the concept that you attract what you tend to think about it's often touted in some kind of new age Cosmic way but the law of attraction is a lot less magical and mystical once you understand how the Matrix Works here's a one more think or key takeaway when you can train your Matrix to take your subconscious thoughts and marry them to your Consciousness you become intentional I talk a lot about being intentional and now you know how and why that process works it requires focus and patience however if you can Master this skill your Matrix will align with you to reveal information people and opportunities to help you achieve your standards and your goals training your Matrix to get what you want the next and most obvious question then becomes how do I train my Matrix to get what I want there are simple and concrete ways to do this you start by planting a seed in your Matrix think about a situation you want to influence for example I want to lose weight next give more directed thought to the specific outcome you want in this case I want to lose 20 pounds over the next six months finally start creating visualizations of how you ideally want that goal to play out let your imagination hear the conversations actions exercise foods and other details you'll need to reach that goal to lock in your Matrix you'll need to replay these things over and over with intention when you do this you're unleashing your Matrix to go to work for you one more thinkers must also put actions to these thoughts it's not enough to mentally convince yourself you can't wish your way to success let's say you want a dog you love Huskies but you never noticed how many of them you see during your day until you set your mind to work deciding that's the kind of dog you want suddenly you see Huskies everywhere how about your dream car maybe all your life you've dreamed of owning a Porsche it's one of those someday dreams with no actual timetable in place then your career takes off you get a big raise your someday poor stream starts to become real you see online ads TV commercials Billboards for Porsches every time one passes you on the freeway your brain fires off you have a chance meeting with a guy who already drives a Porsche and your Matrix elevates your dream to an even higher state when these things happen your Matrix has taken the first steps in moving you closer to what you want out of life your Matrix and confirmation bias confirmation bias is the tendency to interpret new evidence as the confirmation of your existing beliefs or theories your Matrix and confirmation bias are joined at the hip when your Matrix generates specific beliefs or outcomes confirmation bias kicks in and reinforces those beliefs further strengthening the effect as this happens any evidence or theories that undermine or disapprove what your Matrix believes are undervalued confirmation bias is an extension of selective recall when you choose to remember things in a certain way that confirms what you're thinking you'll be biased to that outcome you want to achieve the stronger your beliefs or the more emotionally charged an issue is to you the stronger your confirmation bias and selective recall will be these embedded beliefs become stronger over time subconsciously through repetition your obsessions eventually become your possessions when combined with intentional actions confirmation bias and selective recall your Matrix drives you unrelentingly towards your goals the key is to make sure the right seeds are planted in your Matrix if you plant the wrong things you'll harvest the wrong results biased interpretations and memories can be powerful tools when you harness them the right way in our respective worlds we're inundated with confirmations daily social media is a prime example of an echo chamber that reinforces our beliefs we gravitate towards what aligns with our thoughts and beliefs often we repel points of view that differ from our own in recent years the media has become an obvious example of confirmation bias Fox News CNN MSNBC and others routinely Express points of view that either confirm or enrage viewers based on their political leanings confirmation bias also minimizes a mental conflict known as cognitive dissonance that occurs when a person is exposed to two contradictory beliefs resulting in a psychological stress or uneasiness confirmation bias helps avoid the incongruent points of view and strengthens information reinforcing views that align with what we want to believe your Matrix is unique to you every person's Matrix is unique just as no two brains are alike the same holds true for your Matrix as well you are the one of a kind total of your memories experiences thoughts relationships fears Ambitions and more that's why learning how to control your Matrix is a solo Journey you can't delegate this responsibility it's up to you and only you and keep in mind confirmation bias heavily influences how your Matrix behaves consider this a Wall Street stock broker has configured their Matrix to find money in the vast array of financial markets by slowing down and letting their Matrix see opportunities they see deals that someone who is not intentionally wired does not likewise Ponder the plight of a homeless drug addict on Skid Row even though they have no place to sleep and wonder where their next meal is coming from they always find a way to get their next high they've trained their Matrix to find drugs and they become very good at doing it both are living their realities they've trained their Matrix to elevate specific thoughts and opportunities consistent with their goals and everything they run across tends to confirm that they're moving towards those goals in each case their obsessions become their possessions Society May judge them differently but is either right or wrong or are they the result of how the Matrix impacted their lives the point I make is that your Matrix is yours and yours alone you control it whether you're looking for the next big sleeper stock or a dime bag of heroin the longer your Matrix sees things a certain way the more ingrained and intense your beliefs become here's another example if you're a quarterback does it make more sense in a game to avoid receivers who are covered or look for receivers who are open when you train your mind to look for an open receiver that's what your brain looks for instead of focusing on covered receivers rookie quarterbacks often struggle because they don't have the depth of experience planted in their Matrix but season Hall of Fame quarterbacks like Joe Montana or Peyton Manning literally picked apart defenses they were more deeply invested and embedded into believing they could control the action on the field because their world had slowed down and put them into their in-game matrix it's also how an experienced color analyst in the booth like Tony Romo or Troy Aikman can spot a blitz know what routes receivers are going to run and what the coverage will be even before the snap of the ball years of experience on the field now translate into interpreting in advance what's going to happen on the field for millions of viewers at a time if you're a golfer you filter out sand traps water hazards and out of bounds markers on every swing you know exactly where you want to place the ball in every shot and that's all your Matrix allows you to see your Matrix also extends to your relationships when you activate your Matrix you begin to see the qualities in people you want to have in a relationship instead of missing those people who were there all along What If instead of huskies Porsches and pass routes you focused on creating more business prospects you would begin to hear more opportunities at work or on a sales call that you wouldn't otherwise because your brain is now actively looking for these kinds of possibilities you begin to see money making opportunities that were always there but weren't filtered into your Matrix before if you're an entrepreneur you already train your brain to look for opportunities not roadblocks you seek ways to connect two disparate Services products or relationships in a way that will make you money to some degree your Matrix filters out all the people who are not good candidates for you to work with and instead focuses on the ones that you are most compatible with think about what could happen if you became even more focused on this with the quality and quantity of your deals rise would you put more money in your pocket at the end of the year based on my experience yes you would I'm a big believer that everything you need is already in and around you right now if you can just put in the work to see it optimizing your Matrix your Matrix is already hard at work but is it working the right way on your behalf do you think about the things that will enhance your life or are you thinking about avoiding bad things that will detract from your life there is a difference shifting your Matrix mindset to a more positive framework removes fear and anxiety and replaces those thoughts with confidence and forward momentum to do this two things are essential first you must intentionally Elevate the quality of your thoughts frame them in the positive set your goal so that when you achieve them you'll be excited about the outcome instead of breathing a sigh of relief that you avoided a crisis second repeat repeat repeat you must continuously and consciously fill your Matrix with the thoughts you want let your beliefs become so embedded that you're not even aware they exist however your Matrix won't lose sight of them in its way your Matrix will become your biggest Ally and turn your thoughts into results program your Matrix through intentional repetitious feelings words and visualizations be doggedly persistent if you want success breaking it down further activation also comes from preparation Gathering knowledge courage permitting yourself to fail giving yourself permission to chart your path gratitude and more also remove procrastination from your life as Victor Kai I'm an entrepreneur and former owner of the New England Patriots said procrastination is opportunity's Assassin conversely change is the instigator of opportunity when it's time to dance with a pretty girl you can't sit on the sidelines otherwise another guy will be two-stepping with her in no time and you'll just be left at the bar grumpy and drunk few things are more expensive than opportunities you miss you pay for them with regret doubt and a lingering haunting feeling of what could have been English philosopher Francis pecan once said A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds in the same way one more thinkers are intentional about opportunities they set their Matrix in motion and hone this powerful tool through repetition when you activate your Matrix you'll Bend reality and find one more opportunities that will reveal themselves to you in ways you could never have seen otherwise chapter 3 one more try it ain't over till it's over Yogi Berra if you ever want to achieve anything meaningful in your life the strategy you must Master is one more try here's why one more try doesn't run in an isolated path in your life it's an overarching concept that links to many of the other strategies in this book one of the core beliefs I hold is the importance of compounding compounding takes place when you attempt one more try time and time again when you're successful in implementing a one more try mentality you'll create and compound more wins for yourself each of those wins creates an incremental advancement towards your goals you stack them on top of each other to produce significant long-term changes in your life here's a simple example that illustrates the point when you were a child the first time you tried to ride a bicycle you didn't do so well did you you probably started with training wheels going slow and with your mom or your dad by your side to steady you as you climbed on your bike day after day you got better at learning how to balance pedal and go forward eventually those training wheels came off and slowly but surely you started to ride away on your own not long after that you were whizzing up and down the streets and sidewalks without a care in the world and your life had changed Forever Until you understand and embrace the fundamental life-changing power of one more try you won't fully understand why it's essential to try and make one more call do one more set in the gym meet one more person at a convention or learn one more skill to put you head and shoulders above everyone else when you act and do the same things as everyone else you'll get the same results as everyone else when you implement a one more try mentality that's where you'll find your greatest successes and your most significant personal growth doing so will also give you more confidence than your competitors it's a secret weapon of sorts although they may not see it you'll know you're willing to do more than them you're eager to make one more try than they are that's a tremendous advantage in your favor this isn't exactly a new idea Confucius understood that battles go on in a person's mind when he wrote the man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can't are both right Confucius knew that an individual executes to the level of what he or she believes in themselves confidence fuels your belief that you're worthy of making one more try many people like to think of themselves as overachievers if you call yourself an overachiever you're declaring that your standard practice is to go above and beyond what's necessary for achievement to be an overachiever you must wholly embrace one more try there is another critical component to this even though you may be willing to do the things that other people aren't willing to do you must be intentional and look for opportunities in everything you do that mindset must become second nature to you when you practice this strategy long enough it becomes a reflex you don't think about it you just do it on an even more fundamental level you must believe that you can create a one more try life for yourself this is like confidence but it's more about creating a higher level of self-esteem many people don't bind to themselves enough and the limitations they live with come from within being Your Own Worst Enemy is something I've seen a lot I don't buy into this limited thinking mentality and I don't want you to either it doesn't have to be that way I learned a long time ago that we all have the wisdom inside us to create the future we want for ourselves most of us simply don't tap into this Rich vein for whatever reason we block that part of our identity and accept something less sometimes we accept a lesser life because we weren't given a good role model to follow or we've suffered through adversity that made us mentally fragile we wither under criticism and refuse to dig deeper to find mental toughness and grit that even we didn't know we had here's something that should excite you when you do break through the places where one more try takes place are a lot less crowded than when you run with the pack most people give up they don't do the work you're willing to do so they won't get the results you'll get rather when you move to this new place where one more try is the norm the law of averages is now working in your favor simply stated more tries equal more successes that's a good place to start if you're looking for the Boost you need to start implementing one more try busting open the pinata one more try is so important that I want to give you a few examples to drive home the point that often in life it feels like we're making no apparent progress even though we are my favorite of these is what I call busting open the pinata life is like taking swings at a pinata it's also an excellent metaphor for how to understand the impact of one more try there's no external evidence that we're making progress and that's why people often quit before getting to the part of their lives where the candy comes out the perfect example of this is from a few years ago when I went to a birthday party for a five-year-old at that party there was a pinata and one by one the kids put on a blindfold they stepped up and were given a bat spun around and then told to swing at the pinata the first couple of kids grazed the pinata they were disoriented and didn't know which direction to swing even with some well-intentioned help from their fellow party goers they did no apparent damage to the pinata or so it seemed those kids got a little frustrated when nothing came out what they didn't realize is that inside the pinata was slowly breaking down the kids who went up later figured out the game a bit more they stepped up bat in hand and took their swings many of them made Solid contact and did some damage whether they knew it or not the compounding effect of pounding on that pinata even if it seemed like the pinata was holding firm was making a difference every time a blow landed those kids made invisible progress growing even closer to the ultimate goal of busting It Wide Open all the kids shrieked with anticipation after each thump after a few more whacks they sensed the paper mache was weakening still the pinata would not break when all the children had taken their swings mom blindfolded the birthday boy and he stepped up for his turn that little man reared back and with the mightiest one more try you're ever gonna see he busted that pinata wide open you know what came next more than a dozen children scurried to gobble up all the treats and goodies that had fallen from the pinata was it that one shot that busted the pinata wide open absolutely not it was the compounded accumulation of all those hits that contributed to achieving the goal of getting the candy too many people quit their businesses their workouts or their relationship right before the candy comes out although they're making progress it doesn't always show up externally my advice to you is keep hitting the pinatas of your life whether you can see it or not you're making more progress than you might think is this starting to sound like your life yet it should we all swing a lot of pinatas and early on WE generally don't bust those pinatas open I told you at the beginning of this book that you were a lot closer to realizing your goals and dreams than you may think and this is a perfect metaphor of that concept just like the children you're making invisible progress in your life unfortunately most people don't stick around long enough to realize the outcomes from that progress however when you know you're moving forward even when you can't directly see you're moving forward you'll stay more focused on your processes and tasks to accomplish your goals invisible progress is more than having faith it's knowledge you've acquired because your efforts produce results on other things you've attempted in the past when we do bust open a pinata we get an undeniable Rush you've experienced it many times you know exactly what that Rush is in fact the harder it is to bust open the pinata the more intense the rush is as we keep swinging anticipation builds adrenaline kicks in confidence grows you may even get a little angry as you dig deeper and refuse to yield in your pinatas the candy that tumbles out can be your bliss it's your Financial Freedom it's falling in love with the special someone in your life it's Landing the dream job you've always wanted all because you didn't give up you gave it one more try and over time those efforts compounded until you got precisely what you wanted you must tune out the naysayers and all the negative distractions to focus on busting your pinata wide open you'll feel disoriented at times doubt May creep in your mind and you may think your goal is not worth it until you learn how to win those battles you'll never enjoy what your pinata holds for you if you stay with it long enough you will enjoy the fruits of your labors and everyone else in your circle who sticks around and supports you will enjoy those things as well take your swings as many as you need get that candy there are a lot of pinatas waiting for you to bust open and enjoy a father a daughter and the power of one more try I want to tell you what happened on April 26 1998 and why that date means everything to me I was relatively new to the business world and I was scheduled to give a presentation that night to 40 people on my team the RSVPs didn't materialize the way I'd wanted and by the time the presentation rolled around only eight people showed up I was crushed I started to doubt whether this career was for me I began to think maybe there was something better out there something else that I was meant to do with my life I was frustrated and discouraged and didn't know if I should keep doing this or not I sat down and I had a talk with myself it's as honest as I've ever been had I done everything I could for as long as I could had I done the right things at the right time I really needed to decide if I had put forth my best effort to make a go of it because I was candid with myself the answer was no that's a hard thing for a proud man to admit to himself hard but necessary even more important I had to acknowledge my shortcomings until that point I had followed a pattern of quitting things when they got hard or embarrassing I found it easy to pull the plug too easy instead of walking away I dug my heels in and I decided I was going to give this one more try I was going to empty my tank and do everything that I could to make sure that I'd given my very best to My Chosen profession retreating and giving up were no longer options for me I set my old limiting identity aside and I launched a new version of myself that come to Jesus talk with myself that refusal to give in and my decision to Go the Distance by tapping into one more try changed my life forever from that night forward my efforts and my mindset turn into a business life that has paid me hundreds of millions of dollars there's one more example I want to share with you fair warning there's a proud parent moment ahead those of you who are moms and dads will completely understand where I'm coming from as I write this my daughter Bella is 17. wow where did that time go much to her credit she recently decided it was time to go out and get a job Bella applied at a local pizzeria in town and had a great interview they were ready to offer the job until one final question tripped her up they asked her if she was 18 yet since the pizzeria served beer it was a minimum age requirement and she didn't meet it Bella called me right after she left the interview she was dejected when she shared the news I was bummed as a parent when your child hurts you do too but that's not the end of the story a half hour later Bella called again the first words out of her mouth were dad I got a job talk about somebody else getting candy from the pinata your daughter busted open I can't even begin to tell you how elated I was and I was curious after a disappointing setback most teenagers will tuck their tails between their legs and head home but as she was leaving the Pizzeria Bella noticed a small Cafe next door instead of passing by like 999 out of a thousand job hunting teenagers might do she went inside and started talking to the hostess one thing led to another and it turned out the cafe was looking to hire someone and that person didn't need to be 18. Bella met with the manager and was hired on the spot that's how my beautiful daughter using one more try took a potential defeat and turned it into a victory instead I'm hard-pressed to come up with a more perfect example of how pushing yourself and using one more try can work in your favor it would have been so easy to give up but because Bella made an effort to talk to one more business she got a job and it changed her life perhaps the coolest part is that she did it all on her own like father like daughter it's one of the best proud parent moments I've had in my life three ways that one more try can turn you into an overachiever your path to becoming an overachiever is linked directly to one more try the more you try the more you achieve here are three overachiever principles to consider extremity expands capacity your most significant gains don't come from places you're already at or where you've already been your greatest gains and successes happen when you push yourself to new places and new limits you create an extreme condition compared to what you're used to and when you do that you expand your capacity for Success your new level of capacity becomes your new Norm as you become more comfortable pushing yourself to extremes you become more confident because you know what Waits For You on the other side if you're worried about pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion don't be I'm not saying that you shouldn't get your rest but I found that most people are tired from too little activity instead of too much activity High degrees of activity produce energy and you feed off this energy much like batteries if you don't use your energy you tend to lose it over time but when you use your energy that produces even more energy when you produce more energy you can go to a more extreme Place once you've been to that place you're able to see it feel it touch it and understand what that new level of capacity is to you those of you that know me know why I've adopted the motto max out for 30 years I've understood that maxing out your life creates a new extreme level that new extreme level creates a new capacity and the place where you will grow and achieve the most results in other words when you max out you will also Max up winning is a numbers game if you want to be an overachiever you must create better numbers for whatever is important to you much of your success will come down to your commitment to executing basic tasks again and again you must learn to do simple things well you must be obsessed with perfecting processes repetitively until you create big enough numbers to give you wins you're looking for overachievers don't think in terms of quality or quantity they think in terms of quality and quantity Tiger Woods doesn't just go through the motions when he practices hitting golf balls from two to four hours a day he is obsessed with repetitively hitting each ball the right way with the same backswing same stroke and same follow through each time if you watch the Last Dance a documentary about Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls you saw how hard Jordan pushed himself you either got on board with Michael's level of practice and play or you didn't last very long Jordan didn't land in the record books by accident he understood that you must put in the work and rack up the numbers when you practice so that you can rack up the victories of all kinds when you play the highest Achievers always condition themselves to incorporate one more try into their daily routines as I've mentioned there's less competition when you rise to that level and your victories will be bigger and better in all cases perhaps you've coasted from time to time in your business maybe you haven't applied one more try to its fullest Advantage everybody goes through Peaks and valleys but you shouldn't wallow in those valleys for very long you'll know when you're not putting forth your maximum effort you know when you're not doing everything you can to make you and your business as successful as possible you can hide from yourself sometimes but you can't hide from the numbers the numbers are a black and white reflection directly related to your effort it's easy to compare month to month or year to year sales volume phone calls and other metrics you should have no trouble keeping track of how often you go to the gym how many sets and repetitions of Weights you lift or how many miles a week you go for a run you can't dominate when you don't crank out better numbers than your competitors or when measured against your past performance levels nothing creates everything in the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth now the Earth was formless and empty Darkness was over the surface of the deep and the spirit of God was hovering over the waters and God said let there be light and there was light Genesis chapter 1 verses 1 through 3. some theologians interpret Genesis as God creating the universe out of nothing he just spoke existence into being out of total nothingness I happen to be one of those people who also believes this and I go into greater detail about my faith as a part of one more prayer in chapter 18. this belief is known as creatio EX nihilo creachio ex nihilo teaches matter is not Eternal but had to be created by some Divine creative act frequently attributed to God here's how that applies to your life when you push yourself and empty everything you have inside of you to the point of having nothing left that's when everything is created when you empty yourself you create room for new experiences goals and efforts Bruce Lee echoed the sentiment when he said empty your cups so that it may be filled I'm not talking about driving yourself to physical exhaustion you should never put yourself in that state what I'm talking about is always doing one more when you do you're emptying yourself out when you have nothing more to give you've reached a state of EX nihilo and you're ready to fill yourself up in a higher capacity making the power of one more try work for you Life Won't hand you opportunities you need to be the type of person who goes out and creates opportunities for yourself don't wait be aggressive and understand that one more try does not have to be perfect it simply needs to be attempted when you hide from one more try all you're doing is disguising your insecurities even when you don't get exactly what you want when you attempt one more try the next time you try again you're not starting from scratch you're going to be starting from a new level of experience that you can leverage to increase the odds of a better outcome as you implement one more try you'll also create new levels of capacity these levels are where you'll find your most satisfaction the more often you attempt one more try the more often you'll win because winning is frequently a numbers game if you execute well and give your maximum effort also keep in mind that you'll create new possibilities to fill up your life when you make every possible attempt to empty your tank the key to one more try is to be intentional you must have the strength and the focus to take steps that will drive you closer to where you want to be in life this is not always an easy thing to do it requires a quiet determination to stay the course or as Marianne rodmacher once said courage doesn't always Roar sometimes courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow chapter 4 one more and the five principles of time management every day is a new life to a wise man Dale Carnegie everyone accepts that there are 60 seconds in a minute 60 minutes in an hour and most of us still think there are 24 hours in a single day you're probably thinking of course we do that's how many hours there are today right not if you're a high performer not if you're a one more thinker instead what if I could show you how to bend and manipulate time to your maximum Advantage One More thinkers don't get 24 hours in one day I'm going to show you how we get three days in a single 24-hour block of time I know it sounds crazy but it's not as much as anything else this principle has contributed to my success since I first started using it more than 20 years ago along with the other time management principles I employ I've used it to Triple the number of days I have and that has helped me Triple my amount of productivity one more thinkers perceive time differently and now I'm going to teach you how to do the same thing your relationship with the perception of time time is a constant but we treat time as a variable how often have you heard these Expressions ugh this day has taken forever that month flew by and my personal favorite I can't believe the weekend is over already through our experiences age current circumstances how much rest we get and how busy we are our perception of time is continuously shifting scientists call this mind time and it's completely different than clock time mind time is what the speed of time feels like and clock time is a constant chronology measured by the ticking hands of a timepiece on the wall time is a fundamental element of our being and how we perceive the world around us our sense of who we are is shaped by how our brain connects our memories present Sensations and our anticipation of the future neuroscientists linguistic psychological and cognitive experts have studied the perception of time extensively over hundreds of years among other things researchers know the perceived duration is unique to every individual and does not focus on a singular sensory system instead time perception is a blended distribution system that involves the cerebral cortex the cerebellum and the basal ganglia here's the takeaway once you understand that you can alter how you perceive time you can begin to bend time and use it to your advantage time is your most valuable asset time is more valuable than money money is a replenishable resource you can always add more dollars to your bank account but you can't add more time to your life your time is finite if you're 40 you can't turn back the calendar and become 30 again authors artists songwriters and Poets have romanticized time throughout the ages the two most powerful warriors are patience and time Leo Tolstoy War and Peace the wisest are the most annoyed at the loss of time Dante algeri my favorite thought about time may be the simplest and attributed to Benjamin Franklin who said time is money when your time is over you get no replays you can't reclaim time however our most valuable asset is frequently manipulated mind time is perceived time and is directly related to the brain's interpretation of certain variables as we get older the rate that our brain processes mental images and how quickly they are perceived decreases it's part of the natural aging process our vision and brain plasticity lesson are neural Pathways that transmit information degrade and these shifts lead us to a sense of time speeding up even though an individual act happens in a fraction of a second it takes longer to get to the same place we lose that fraction of a second thousands of times a day there are several other variables we can't control as well when we're physically tired our brains can't transfer and process information as quickly our tired brains can't optimally see and make sense of visual auditory or tactile input our reaction time times slow and this also makes us feel as if time is speeding up in reality it's just us slowing down in relation to the rest of the world that's why athletes who aren't well rested will play a bad game their ability to process is thrown off that knocks their sense of timing out of balance they can't see or respond to in-game variables effectively which is one of the reasons why even the best shooters in the NBA sometimes go 4 for 20 from the field psychological trauma drug use intense feelings of fear or shock ADHD autism depression schizophrenia and other factors also contribute heavily to altering perceptions of time the five principles of time management over the past 20 years I've immersed myself in the concept of maximizing my time to accomplish my goals what I've discovered early on is that you must respect the nature of time high Achievers universally Embrace this as a foundation of their success including me as much as any other variable your relationship to time can profoundly affect how far you go in life I've tried all sorts of time management strategies I've added and subtracted parts of various philosophies that make sense to me and eventually I develop my own system that I refer to as the five principles of time management if you can adapt and master these principles in your own life you'll enjoy more success make more money be more productive add layers of bliss and build the life you were meant to enjoy let's take a look at those five principles one add more days to your day one more thinker should set aside the notion of a 24-hour day the 24-hour day worked well before we had the internet smartphones Wireless technology computerized cars Jets satellites and other tools that let us expand our footprint and move at the speed of light we can now send an email anywhere in the world in an instant we can hold a teleconference with dozens or hundreds of people 24 7. instead of going to the library or digging through an encyclopedia we can Google anything and get answers in a matter of seconds the ability to accomplish tasks has multiplied exponentially accessing information people and locations takes place with lightning speed immediacy that's why if you want to be a high achiever the 24-hour day is an Antiquated Concept in my world and for all one more thinkers it no longer applies we're now able to accomplish more in five minutes one hour or one day than we could in an entire week or a month 100 years ago our ability to compress time is our ability to bend and manipulate time for our best purpose Services guess what that does for our goals it puts them in your face like never before and when you're closer to a goal you naturally approach it with greater urgency here's a mindset you can put into practice today it's effective I've been doing it for more than 20 years now so I know it works from time to time you'll have one of those days where everything is falling in line you're able to knock out a ton of stuff and be more productive in four or five hours than you are in one of your normal full days or maybe you've had a day where you knock out more than you have in an entire month what if you could replicate that Rush every day here's how instead of approaching your day as a single block of time divide your waking hours into three parts or many days for me that means my first day runs from 6 a.m to noon my second day is from noon to 6 pm and my third day is from 6 PM until midnight while you're living seven days in one week I'm living 21 days in one week to Turbo Charge how I spend my time this is how I do it by creating shorter days my mind believes that each minute becomes more valuable I don't waste time because my sense of urgency is operating at a higher level instead I'm more focused even more on what I need to accomplish today I compress work relationships productivity fitness and fun into shorter and more intense pieces of time with this strategy I shrink the finish line so that more of what I do becomes a Sprint don't lose sight of the fact that your life is still in Balance you still make time for all parts of your life all that you're doing is squeezing useless air out of the wasted parts of your day at first you may be be intimidated by attempting to do this but as you give it a try you replace old bad habits with effective new ones you'll move faster and have greater control of your time here's the cool part if you implement this mindset imagine the compounding effect of working 21 days a week for a month a year or a decade or for the rest of your life now compare that to the people you compete against who look at their days as a single 24-hour block of time in my mind I'm living more than a thousand days in the same time frame as others who think of themselves as living in a 365 day year who has the advantage you already know the answer I am a living example of what this strategy can do for you and my results have been pretty good so far two approach time with a greater sense of urgency the German philosopher Arthur schopenhauer once said the common man is not concerned about the passage of time the man of talent is driven by it do you want to be common or do you want to be a person of talent urgency is the key from my experience there's a direct correlation between how fast you'll run versus how close you are to the finish line if you watch distance runners in a race why does the last lap or leg of the race invariably produce some of the races fastest times in a 26 mile marathon you keep a steady Pace as you get closer to the Finish Line your adrenaline kicks in and you find another gear you push yourself because you're closer to completing your task and Crossing that finish line that produces a release of endorphins and you feel that warmth and positive rush now think about running 100 meter race it's a flat out Sprint from start to finish you approach the race with maximum urgency a different mindset is required to do your best your body and your brain respond to a different set of stimuli it's not that people approach life with a lack of vision that causes them to fail it's the type of vision they call on to get them across the Finish Line your depth perception affects your ability to summon the sense of urgency required perform when the goal is further away you jog toward the goal when it's right in front of you it's a Sprint here's another example you're a student who's assigned a major project at the beginning of the semester with a deadline at the end of the semester do you jump on that project immediately most put that project on cruise control they quietly slip it onto the top shelf of their life know and they'll deal with it later then as the deadline starts to creep up at some point Panic fear dread and thoughts of I hate college and I think I'll just become a bartender kick in but if you attack that project with a sense of urgency as soon as possible the looming Shadow the boogeyman the Beast you're facing would be reduced to almost nothing if you apply this thinking to everything you do throughout the day week or year you'll get more done and enjoy a sense of accomplishment that others only dream about third learning how to control time instead of time controlling you when you manage your time with a sense of urgency you become the master instead of the servant moving faster puts you in control of your time more often than not you have a sense of urgency but you also have a greater say in what you think is important that lets you spend more time on what's meaningful and rewarding to you controlling your time is a mindset that should turn on as soon as your brain wakes up in the morning if your mind is in the right place controlling your time will start even before your feet hit the floor in the morning as you're waking up your brain is already planning your day do you pay attention to what those first thoughts of the day are the first 30 minutes of your day are critical think about the timely words of British Statesman Lord Chesterfield take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves how you approach the first 30 minutes of your day will set the tone for the balance of the hours to follow that means staying away from your phone computer television or any other forms of input that can distract you from what's important in your life instead use that 30 minutes to plan out your day review your meetings phone calls and projects create priorities meditate pray stretch practice Equanimity reaffirm your standards and update yourself on your goals before your brain becomes cluttered with people events and information of the day it has a chance to focus your brain receives the message that you're in control instead of the world controlling you you're better able to start the day filled with confidence and the purposes that you choose of course surprises changes and redirection will spring up throughout the day you react accordingly but when you're not dealing with the unexpected you're in Greater control and working toward your life goals instead of reacting to everyone else in other words dictate the terms of your day or your day will dictate those terms for you four measure performance often where performance is measured performance improves close proximity to measurement is critical every leading motivational and organization expert from Zig Ziglar to Peter Drucker builds this idea into their foundational strategies for a simple reason measuring performance works as you shrink your time frames and increase your urgency you also need to shrink the intervals of how often you measure your performance if you don't take time to measure you'll have a more difficult time course correcting that leads to inefficiency and wasted time just make sure you're measuring the right things be clear on your goals priorities and standards understand how they work in concert with each other learn to identify not only weaknesses but the potential sources of those weaknesses legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden put it into perspective saying if you don't have time to do it right when will you have time to do it again wooden was a stickler for doing things the right way right down to how his players tied their shoes he fine-tuned every technique and process on his team for years accepting only one standard in measuring the interim steps almost daily if your goal is to run a five minute mile or to bump up your sales by 50 or your income by fifty thousand dollars how will you know if you're reaching these goals unless you look at the numbers anything less and you're just throwing darts and hoping you'll hit your targets average people assess themselves only once or twice a year but only making New Year's resolutions is not appropriate for one more thinkers top performers measure themselves monthly or weekly do you take stock of your week's accomplishments on a Friday evening do you take stock and set your plans for the coming week on a Sunday evening the top performers the one more thinkers go through this process daily there's even One More Level Beyond daily measurements some people measure themselves hourly the most elite have an internal mechanism that is triggered with urgency I have trained myself to do this and I'm not lying when I tell you as hard as it sounds this discipline has served me well think for a moment who's going to do better the person who shrinks their measurement interval or the person who rarely measures where they're at you already know the answer to 5. focus on the future too many people are stuck in the past that kills their ability to be productive in the present and robs them of making plans for the future the past has gone forever but until you let go of it the past is a thief and steals your ability to dream and imagine you need to spend time thinking about your future because that's where you're heading you must also stay connected to the present because that's how you build a better future it drives me nuts when I see so many people stuck in a loop of how their lives would be different today if only that one big thing had been different people getting out of bad relationships or trying to distance themselves from poor family Dynamics are particularly vulnerable to past thinking this isn't to say you shouldn't address the trauma of your past you must find a way to process it and move forward if you can't the only person you're hurting is you and the people you care about right now conversely don't fall into the Trap of falling in love with your past if you've had great things happen whether you earned an advanced college degree or got a big job promotion got married and so on those things are nice but if you rest on those Laurels too much you're still not living in the present and building a better future as Coco Chanel once said don't spend time beating on a wall hoping to transform it into a door one more thinkers have the innate ability to spend time dreaming and imagining their future while taking decisive actions in the present to shape what lies ahead changing others perception of you when you incorporate the five principles of time management into your life how others see you is going to change too when people see you're no longer wasting time they begin to not waste your time they see you're also no longer spending much time taking care of other people's priorities because you're too focused on taking care of your own at work you need to be reasonable about this find a way to make your employers goals your goals and blend the two to create Harmony your friends family and co-workers will understand that you're in an attack mode in your life instead of a react mode they will respect you and your relationships with them will be redefined it's an added benefit that alters your life because your newfound time management is actually Newfound life management also as you change your approach to time you'll be open to meeting new like-minded people and embark on new projects and Adventures you may have thought were just a pipe dream let me leave you with this one final thought about time from Charles Darwin a man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life stop wasting time and start bending time to your advantage to get on with the important things in your life chapter 5 One More emotion unexpressed emotions will never die they are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways Sigmund Freud love and hate joy and sorrow peace and anger Bliss and rage why are emotions so important to understand how do we use them to gain some measure of control in our lives because our lives are directly linked to the quality of our emotions show me somebody who experiences Bliss Joy love peace and passion on a regular basis and I'll show you someone leading an incredible life show me somebody who's dominated by hate sorrow depression anger and anxiety and I'll show you somebody who is not leading a great life it's not the caliber of these people's homes cars or other material possessions that determines the quality of their lives it's the quality of their emotions you have an emotional home that you live in how you fill this home with the emotions you choose is the reality of your life more than anything else all of us experience five or six consistent emotions in this home every day and no matter what your life conditions are you will find a way to get those emotions every one of us is conditioned to return to our emotional homes even if those emotions don't serve us well have you ever noticed that no matter what's going on in your life you always seem to find these same half dozen emotions for example you may seek out worry insecurity fear anxiety not necessarily because you want to you do it because these emotions are familiar to you your mind always seeks out what is familiar because there's a level of comfort even when the familiar works against you the synapsis in your brain are wired to seek and find those emotions you live in that emotional home and the truth is if you're going to change your life you're going to have to clean house and change that emotional home this isn't to say that all emotions don't have their place in the world what we perceive as an ongoing quest for positive emotions and avoiding negative emotions is a fallacy of sorts all emotions serve us one way or the other some anxiety is just as important as Bliss or Joy anxiety is a warning system our brain uses to protect us what we perceive as negative emotions serve important purposes in many cases too think of emotions as neither negative or positive emotions just are both sides of your emotional quotient must be intentionally managed too much of any emotion perceived as either good or bad doesn't serve you well your goal should be to feel specific emotions in your emotional home regardless of external factors in your life such as having a certain kind of job living in a certain kind of house or driving a certain kind of car the amazing thing is that when you have your emotional house in order you're more likely to get that job house and car so many people think that if they get those things they'll feel the positive emotions associated with reaching those goals one more thinkers flip-flop that sequence one more thinkers get intentional daily weekly monthly and yearly with putting their emotional homes in order and deciding which emotions they want to experience as a one more thinker ask yourself what are the five or six emotions I most want to experience when you do this the reticular activating system in your brain will go to work on finding the circumstances that will create those emotions for you once activated harmful emotions will be decommissioned and replaced with positive emotions that will fully activate the best version of you understanding the DNA of emotions the more you understand the Genesis and relationship between all of your emotions the easier it is to move away from destructive emotions and replace them with positive emotions emotions are the primary driver of your personality they heavily influence hundreds of decisions you make every day emotions are complex sometimes unpredictable and can Bubble Up in ways and at times that you never expected Plato said human behavior flows from three main sources desire emotion and knowledge desire and knowledge are what we acquire in response to stimuli we receive as we live our life emotions are different we're born as emotional creatures our emotions are constantly evolving and the complexity of our emotional quotient is unique to each of us they guide our actions and create part of the individual DNA of Who We Are scientists know emotions are coded into our DNA as a low-level response to outside stimuli they are believed to have developed as a way for us to respond to different environmental threats most notably the fight or flight response emotions emanate from the subcortical areas of the brain including the amygdala and the ventral medial prefrontal cortices when triggered emotions produce biochemical reactions that have a direct impact on a person's physical state the migdala also plays a role in releasing neurotransmitters which are essential in creating memories without going too deep this is why emotional memories are more robust and easier to recall all emotions have a purpose like positive emotions negative emotions are a valuable source of cognitive information to help you understand what's going on around you they help you identify threats and to be on guard against possible dangers negative emotions are an essential counterbalance to help you see both sides of a situation while fear and anxiety are seen as negative emotions they can be what Spurs you to take action and change your life when you recognize their presence if harnessed properly negative emotions or motivators that help us address and correct behaviors guilt is tied to our moral compass and when we feel this emotion internally we punish ourselves because we believe we've done something wrong guilt Keeps Us in check from doing bad things like committing crimes cheating on our spouse or our taxes or drinking and driving similarly jealousy is sometimes referred to as benign Envy this benign Envy can motivate someone to believe that if another person can accomplish a goal such as getting a good grade or hitting a high sales dollar amount that it's tangibly in reach for them as well you can reframe jealousy as a good thing when you're able to view it as an achievable goal for you too the key is to keep these other negative emotions in check when we get caught up in an endless cycle of negative emotions is when we get into trouble wallowing in negative emotions can impair our ability to think straight especially when those emotions are incredibly intense you are your emotions and if you don't get intentional about how you interact with your emotions and move towards the emotions you want you'll live the same life you always have once you learn to identify your emotions they begin to loosen their grip on you your awareness means you're gaining control as a one more thinker you can begin replacing dominant harmful emotions with helpful emotions when you gain control new and positive emotions will energize you they'll help you chart new goals and directions you'll find it easier to get big ticket items done in your life when you live with confidence and happiness instead of doubt and despair imagine what would happen if you could rebuild your emotional framework one more emotion at a time to put you in a position to become a millionaire buy your dream house or find your soul mate flipping your emotions from a can't-do mindset to a can-do mindset is an essential step to making all these things happen why you hoard your emotions changing your emotional mindset is a challenge I'm not gonna lie there are mental barriers to overcome when you've been preconditioned to think a certain way a way that brings you comfort and goes to Great Lengths to avoid pain often the actions you take in your life are because you think they'll give you a particular emotional response you buy flowers for your wife or girlfriend because you want to show your love for her and feel the love in return you take a long walk on a beach or a hike alone in a park as a way to clear your mind and find peace you work your butt off to reach a year and work goal because you know you'll enjoy the recognition you receive and the pride you'll feel emotions are stronger and more permanent than feelings feelings are emotional reactions they're more transitory and shallow in nature emotional responses run deeper and can be measured by physical cues what mother's heart doesn't race when her child comes home from a long deployment in the military to surprise her if you get in a fight with your spouse at some point they'll stop talking to you but their body language will tell you all you need to know Studies have even shown that unhealthy anger in its repressed state has been linked to cancer unaccompanied by positive emotions negative emotions can create an endless stream of ruminations this repeated negative thinking increases the brain's stress levels flooding our bodies with the stress hormone cortisol that can lead to depression overeating drug and alcohol abuse high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease although you want to hoard and experience only positive emotions the fact is that all emotions are entirely normal to experience that means anger fear disgust sadness contempt shame guilt and other emotions we perceive as negative are just normal as surprise happiness satisfaction joy and relief to name a few when you try to repressed perceived negative emotions in favor of only seeking and allowing positive emotions to exist in your mind you tip a delicate balance that causes problems instead hoarding emotions dulls your ability to distinguish between reality and what you perceive to be reality in turn it creates an emotional clutter that can impact ever every part of your life you've met people in your life who are off the scale deliriously happy and you've met people who are in permanent Downer mode both can be hard to be around that's because both are shielding themselves from their genuine emotions by hiding in the midst of this emotional clutter the act of emotional decluttering sorting through emotions in a way that helps you as an internal process keep in mind that your actions may bring you certain material things and outcomes but just as often you want the emotion attached to those outcomes people are intentional about their actions but rarely do we spend enough time thinking about the emotions attached to those actions for this to happen we must take a closer look at what we want and we must be truthful when we do so Rich Dad Poor Dad author Robert Kiyosaki put it this way emotions are what make us human make us real the word emotion stands for energy in motion be truthful about your emotions and use your mind and emotions in your favor and not against yourself people are the composite of a small handful of emotions they live with every day these emotions create our emotional homes like any home your emotional home may not be perfect but it is comfortable regardless of your physical environment some of us do have a lot of positive emotions in our emotional home we routinely experience Bliss satisfaction pride and more but others live in ugly homes dominated by resentment anger distrust depression and stress these unwelcome visitors run amok and out of control and they damage us much like all house guests who stay too long we become desensitized to their hold on us they become our way of life making things worse we become programmed to go after things without paying attention to our emotions when we fail those bad things grow and grow the act of emotional decluttering means tossing out these unwelcome guests so that you can invite other more positive guests for an extended permanent stay ing honest and intentional one more thinkers must choose to change out harmful emotions when you do your emotional home will change in fact it's much like moving to an entirely new address it's not enough to take action to get the thing you want we've all heard stories of people who have made fortunes but also LED troubled and miserable lives they live with fear greed and distrust even though they might also live in a 10 million dollar mansion and have a hundred million dollars in the bank they've fallen into the Trap of believing that they would be happy by default if they became wealthy but the problem is they didn't consciously choose to be happy to practice gratitude to be kind and generous they were not intentional and now even though they outwardly appear to be one way unless they've gotten past the overwhelming negative emotions they're slowly dying on the inside ask yourself if you could choose to have a hundred million in the bank but you had no peace in your life would you make that sacrifice what is the price of your joy and happiness now if you could choose to have one million in the bank instead but be completely content surrounded by people you love and love you back and you look forward to living every day would you choose that instead as I said changing out emotions is an intentional act and an exercise in honesty as best-selling author Therese Benedict puts it when you walk a life of honesty you live a life of truth if you can't be truthful with yourself what right do others have to expect that you'll be honest with them being honest and intentional are the two best gifts you can give yourself honesty is the springboard from which every emotion emanates intentionality is the muscle you need to get you to those honest emotions fortunately if you set your standards and goals the right way you can have both 100 million in the bank and be at peace with emotions that serve you well filling your home with positive emotions there are some actions you can take to move consciously towards reframing your emotional mindset you'll have more success inviting the right kind of emotions into your house if you do the following meditate when you slow your brain down concentrate and focus on what you want your brain engages and moves you closer to your goals when you consciously decide you want to release your anger or fear you'll make room for peace and Tranquility I meditate daily to start my day I clear out negative thoughts that don't serve me well I practice gratitude and positivity I focus on what I need to do for the day and then I engage my priorities above all else I move forward not backward find balance if all you do is work even though you might love it you have no time for rest and Recovery any setbacks or negative emotions can pile up and produce the oversized clutter I talked about dedicate time to activities and people that bring your life back into balance for me that might be around a golf or taking my dogs for a walk both the relaxing breaks I need to restore my emotional health create new habits set new goals practice much needed self-care routinely identify your triggers this goes back to intentionality figure out what makes you angry or frustrates you can't stand it when people run late for appointments or cancel at the last minute is there a particularly annoying co-worker who makes your skin crawl do politics taxes global warming or child neglect light a fire under you take time to put your triggers into perspective some things you can change and control and some things you can't manage your triggers or they'll Eat You Alive resolve to change the way you think identify a negative emotion you like to rid yourself of or positive emotion you like to enjoy more and make a conscious effort to move in that direction as you do consider what Proverbs chapter 23 verse 7 says as a man thinketh in his heart so is he when you're able to align your heart and your mind you'll be ready to put the Power of One More emotion to work for you chapter 6 one more Association you will never outperform Your Inner Circle John Wooden when you fine-tune your associations you will allow yourself to transform your actions and radically enhance your results you could be one Association away from changing your entire life as a one more thinker you have an obligation to keep refining your peer group of friends and family members so they add value to your thoughts goals standards and outcomes one of the most powerful Dynamics in the world is to be productive and Blissful in ways your peer group expects of you the bottom line is this you may need to either change or expand who you associate with because who you allow into your inner circle is critical and you must cultivate and invest in these people as a means of investing in yourself your relationships Define you your relationships directly impact how you function in the world since the day you were born you've been bonded with other humans your caregivers an immediate family were your entire world early on as you grew friends others with shared interests and your work Associates became your focus you have been defined by all these relationships throughout your entire life some have added tremendous value others have been a big waste of time consider the words of the poet John Donne who wrote no man is an island entire of itself every man is a piece of the continent a part of the main if a clod be washed away by the Sea Europe is the less as well as if a Promontory were as well as if a manner of thy's friends or of thine own were any man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind and therefore never sent to know For Whom the Bell Tolls it tolls for thee your associations bind you to the world you're not an island instead you're part of an interlocking web of humanity that shapes your identity based on your associations it follows that the people you spend the most time with are the people who influence you the most while you have some say over your relationships with your blood relatives you can't change your DNA you can choose to limit how you interact with family members who are toxic overbearing or naysayers unfortunately familiar relationships are complicated so for the purposes of a one more thinker focus on relationships you have a lot more control over your peer group your peer group is the most potent force and influencing agent in the world you must place the utmost care as to who you let into this group to succeed in life your peer group standards must align with your own their standards must become yours and vice versa William J H bodaker said a man is judged by the company he keeps and a company is judged by the minute keeps and the people of democratic nations are judged by the type and caliber of officers they elect be prudent in The Company You Keep like it or not you are the sum of your relationships and you are judged for it your relationships are a big part of how the world sees you that can either work in your favor or against you if you're not getting all the results you want in life take a look at your closest relationships you may discover a relationship that has grown stale you have changed the other person has changed or time and distance mean the bond is no longer strong enough to benefit you when this happens it's time for one more thinkers to consider the possibility of adding new and different associations to their lives your relationships bullseye think of your relationships as a series of concentric circles much like a bullseye each circular space represents different intimacy levels of the people you encounter in your life the closer you get to the center of the circle the closer you get to the people who you connect with on a deeper and more profound level for example the circle's outermost ring is filled with the strangers you meet daily it could be the people sitting at the next table over in a sports bar watching the same game as you or a business Prospect who cold calls you to find out more regarding your goods and services these strangers constantly make appearances in your life and then they disappear never to be seen or heard from again in general the impacts of strangers on your life are negligible acquaintances are people you see from time to time such as the butcher behind the meat counter at your grocery store or the parents of your sons or daughter's friends your small chats over time buying you to these people and you enjoy random interactions when you bump into them casual relationships draw you and others even closer think of these people as your Outer Circle of Friends they're your children's teachers people you see at House parties and members of the same clubs or organizations you belong to you invest your relationship energy with them on a limited basis your comfortable sharing information and you tend to like these people but your relationships with them is guarded and you don't go out of your way to have them in your life the innermost circle is small and consists of just a few people who impact you daily these people could be your spouse children or parents but that's not always the case there are no hard and fast rules that say blood relatives are immediately granted access not all lifelong friends and family members end up being in your inner circle and that's okay you can still be close to those people their relationships are valued and worthy of your time and commitment Your Inner Circle could have a mentor a business partner who has worked by your side to grow a shared Enterprise from scratch into a success it could be a friend you just click with there's a bond of trust commitment and familiarity that brings you close and no set timetable on how quickly these Inner Circle relationships develop some take years and others happen in a matter of months these bonds remain fluid and when they do change that's when you need to consider new associations you are at the center of all these circles you are the bullseye the nature of life is that people enter your life and they move closer to the center of the bullseye or they move away it may take years or as quickly as a matter of weeks but people rarely stagnate in one Circle for your entire life that is another way of explaining the expression that people enter your life for a reason a season or a lifetime eventually each person's association with you is revealed when that purpose has been realized your relationship changes and other new associations move in to fill the void the people in each of these circles influence your life the closer they get to the center of the circle the more potential for ongoing meaningful dialogue and impacts on you the boundaries between these circles are fluid and dynamic relationships constantly change and people will move from one ring in the circle to the next depending on how your life or theirs changes time and circumstances create the swirling flow of people moving from one Circle to another all the time a closer look at your inner circle of friends all the circles in your life influence you to some degree or another but it's the associations you have with your inner circle that influence you the most that's why when you add or drop an association in your inner circle you'll experience the most change think about the small group of friends you're closest to in your life who are the two three or four people outside of your family who you spent the most time with over the past 90 days do those people have two or three things in their life whether it's material possessions business success Fitness level spirituality or other emotions they experience that you desperately want in your own life if you can't quickly identify those things these relationships may not serve your inner circle's needs people can still bring value to your relationship with them but for the purposes of this discussion I'm talking about associations that can change your life if they don't have anything in their life that you don't have but want it's time to reevaluate whether you should seek other associations to meet your needs conversely if these people have things in their lives you desperately don't want such as being broke unfit constantly angry lazy and so forth then you need to evaluate your proximity to them immediately even if they love you and you love them back you still need to assess your proximity to them because what they have will influence what you will get it's an ongoing process of adding people to your life who have the things you want the most that's how it works proximity to people causes familiarity and our brains move towards this familiarity quality over quantity is essential as well even a small amount of time spent with the right couple of people can make a large difference you can lean on and learn from each other you can laugh and mourn with them and feel what they feel they are genuinely happy for your successes and you are just as delighted with theirs there's a reflected Glory when one of your closest friends succeeds because you feel like you're succeeding too think of some of the synergies growing out of famous Inner Circle relationships Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger Ice Cube Dr Dre and NWA Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King the list is endless great art or accomplishments of any kind are often a single person's Vision But realize with the help of an inner circle of friends who bring that passion to life think about the bands like the Foo Fighters Imagine Dragons Florida Georgia Line Green Day Linkin Park or any other group that's made it big in the music business they're all excellent examples of a collaborative effort working toward a single vision when you in your inner circle are in alignment all of your lives flow loads are lighter your confidence Reigns you are Blissful you radiate these positive things outward to all parts of your life and the lives of others sometimes though your inner circle no longer adds the value you need through no fault of yours or theirs life changes it's amazing how fast someone can fall out of favor or become a stranger compared to the person you once knew as your life changes your friends will change too their thoughts and beliefs will change you will continue to grow and they may not it can be a tough time when you come to this realization deep down you'll know then you'll have to decide how you want that friendship to change people ease in and out of our Lives all the time everything has an expiration date and the sooner you accept that a friendship while still having value does not meet the criteria required to meet your highest level needs you'll accept that you probably need to find a new Association in your life you must then intentionally choose to move these people from your inner circle to your Outer Circle giving you the opportunity to maximize the potential for new Inner Circle associations just like cars need regular maintenance so too do your associations evaluate whether the proximity of the people in your inner circle is still appropriate or not don't be flipping about this be honest about what you need out of the people you need the most as Benjamin Franklin cautioned be careful when choosing a friend be more careful when changing a friend words that hold just as much meaning today as they did more than 200 years ago don't take this responsibility lightly but don't neglect it either simply because you don't want to make a difficult Choice One More thinkers recognize that relationships expand and contract over time this movement allows for one more Association to add a measurable value and give us more of the life we deserve auditioning Your Inner Circle family Dynamics can be challenging for the most part we accept that some of our immediate family members are part of our Inner Circle you can't choose your family members but you can choose who else you admit to your inner circle of friends how you decide who these people are will impact a big part of your life so deliberate carefully for me anywhere from three to five friends works best Your Inner Circle may be a bit smaller or larger but don't get hooked up on the idea you should have 15 or 20 people in your inner circle you dilute the quality of the associations you'll need to rely on at the highest level if you do that's a lot of people to keep up with and you'll exhaust yourself in the process the people you allow in your inner circle are the most important choices of your life Choose Wisely and your life is propelled to new levels of bliss and productivity choose poorly and you'll suffer the slings and arrows of a life poorly lived the question then becomes how do you properly evaluate the criteria for admission into your inner circle you will have certain biases based on your values beliefs and experiences that you'll employ there's no magic formula some of your decisions are made by intuition some are based on your history with a person regardless admission to your inner circle should come organically over time there are some high-level qualities to consider as you make your decisions the people in your inner circle should have a fully developed sense of emotional maturity they need to be studying influences who are happy and highly productive they must be loyal and make rational decisions based on reason instead of impulse reverse engineer the process of examining your associations if you meet someone who knows what they expect for their own lives then as a close associate that's what you should expect in yours as a byproduct of your relationship unhappy people are not emotionally mature and won't serve your relationship well whether it's a friend co-worker or family member do your best to limit your interaction with them you can be cordial and maintain a relationship with these people but don't get sucked into their negative emotional vortex at your own expense you'll pay a significant price if you do if you see things that turn you off and they are not likely to change quickly or easily then these are people you should keep at arm's length or eliminate from your life not easy but oh so necessary for one more thinkers Your Inner Circle must also consist of good human beings they must treat others well and be free from Fear anger and prejudices that could hurt others by their thoughts and deeds they must be above ethical reproach compassionate towards the less fortunate and protective of children the elderly and those with limited mental or physical capacities Your Inner Circle should also inspire you at a visceral level you should be able to feel that buzz when you're around these people you look forward to the dopamine release you know is coming when you're with them apply your standards for your inner circle as well you want sharp business Minds entrepreneurs or analytical types who can balance your shortcomings and help you achieve your goals joining together these associations make you greater than the sum of your parts think of several traits that immediately come to mind that your inner circle should have Can Your Inner Circle help make you whole in your financial affairs your relationships emotional health Faith physical well-being or provide the love every person needs if these people can't elevate your essential needs in your life they don't have qualities that serve you based on what you need this isn't to say you can't be friends because of course you can don't jettison a person who doesn't fit the needs of Your Inner Circle instead keep looking to add someone who does realigning people in the various Circles of your life isn't easy distancing yourself from someone who is no longer compatible with your changing thoughts beliefs and goals can produce guilt that's hard to overcome but sometimes it's necessary you can control only your thoughts and actions you can't control others if people choose to think and do things that are counterproductive to you living your best life then it's incumbent on you to make the choices that best serve you when you linger in bad relationships you don't make room for better relationships those one more associations that change your life for better and forever except that some people will make the cut and some won't be fair but firm as you reach these kinds of decisions let me leave you with one final thought from Vincent van Gogh about the greatest gifts your innermost associations can offer close friends are truly life's Treasures sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves with gentle honesty they are there to guide and support us to share our laughter and our tears their presence reminds us that we are never really alone chapter 7 one more dream let go of the past and go for the future go confidently in the direction of your dreams live the life you imagined Henry David Thoreau children are dreamers their imaginations are the rulers of their dreams they're naturally curious these things make children the happiest people on Earth and great teachers too entering your dream state the happiest people in life operate out of their imaginations and dreams and not their histories go back and listen to that sentence again this is one of the single most powerful takeaways for a one more thinker to be happy successful and productive operate out of your imagination your dreams and your vision reframing your entire mindset is not a subtle action it requires a concentrated effort for an extended period to break pre-existing ingrained thought habits there is no way you will experience your best life if you try to operate out of your history or memories of your past it can't be done pause for a moment and let that sink in a bit more a child's lesson for you a four-year-old and children of all ages are happier because they operate in the Here and Now their hearts and minds are filled with reverie fantasy and creativity their past doesn't weigh them down because they have no past at one time or another most young boys and girls pretend they're Batman Spider-Man a Disney princess or Barbie as they go about their play they're Blissful products of their unfettered minds I believe children are also happier because being born recently means they were closer to God in a less distant past think about the frequency of your dreams when was the last time you had your Batman or princess moment do you intentionally visit your imagination often I'll bet most of you don't even though one of the best parts about dreaming is how much it costs dreaming is free more than that dreaming is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves yet almost nobody takes advantage of it the sad part is that a lack of dreaming will cost you everything when you don't dream we rob ourselves of creating beautiful memories in the future there's a sad irony to that instead as we get older many of us are weighed down by our pasts we struggle against heavy memories that get in our way of living a blissful life how often do you dream and how often do you think about your career or how your boss has treated you over the years in your personal life have you obsessed about a rocky marriage have your parents siblings or friends heard or betrayed you have you suffered through a string of health or financial setbacks think of your past like suitcases filled with cement as heavy as those bags are many of us are afraid to put those bags down because carrying them around is all we know even though we don't like those bags there's a sense of security because those bags are full of familiarity that's why your brain likes going back there over time the cement in those bags multiplies and your brain becomes heavier and more cluttered with life's challenges and adult worries we also use our imperfect past to create a flawed vision of the future then we go live that future and we get stuck we have a hard time getting out of our mental quicksand which leaves us feeling like we're drowning as adults there's a direct connection to a lack of how happy and productive we are and our addiction to operating out of our memories to live a better life we must consciously choose to operate out of our dream state and not our past why you're trapped in your past although you're growing learning more and doing more why aren't your emotions productivity and happiness changing because you're stuck in a thought pattern a replay Loop continuously linked to your past the worst part is that these patterns are unconscious you could go for years and not realize you're stuck in them I point these patterns out to you so you break out of them by raising your awareness patterns and Loops lose their power over us once we become aware of them awareness is Kryptonite to negative thought patterns once you're aware you can change an existing pattern by dreaming of a dramatic and compelling future the past is the past can you recognize negative patterns of emotions or actions in your current life it shouldn't be too hard a bad relationship a dead-end job a chronic substance abuse problem what if you could create childlike patterns rooted in dreams and Imagination instead of dwelling on past negative thoughts old patterns create contentment in your brain one of your brain's primary functions is to protect you from perceived threats as part of the fight or flight response there's no need to take flight to something that's already taken place by our nature We crave order we are hardwired to be problem solvers because solving problems feels good and that's also why we're intimidated by our unknown Futures we can't apply the same level of certainty in our lives to things that haven't happened yet but the truth is you're only hurting yourself that isn't to say you should shut off your past many people find joy in continuing to connect with the same people places behaviors and rituals that Define their lives of course there's a place for that in your life but if that's all you're doing you're selling yourself short moving into your future the first step of moving from your past to your future is acceptance Deepak Chopra teaches us I use memories but I will not allow memories to use me you know what gets swept aside when you hold on to your past your entire future more than 60 years ago President John F Kennedy also understood the importance of looking to the Future when he said history is a Relentless Master it has no present only the past rushing into the future to try to hold fast is to be swept aside those words still ring true today think of moving into your future this way your brain thoughts and emotions are like a glass that can only hold so much liquid in this case that liquid is your past when you fill a glass to the rim with your past it's impossible to fill it with anything else until you empty the glass no matter how hard you try making peace with your past is how you empty that glass and create room for your dreams and your future just don't spend too much time trying to make peace with your past when you do this you use up valuable time better spent looking toward your future visualize pouring out your past thoughts see The Empty Glass then be intentional by filling that glass with ideas that spring out of your imagination embrace your future fill your glass with your vision and your personal possibilities instead of drowning in stale thoughts that no longer serve you as well do whatever it takes to set aside the past and set your sights on the future another path to acceptance is acknowledging that the total of all you are today is the result of your past your pain flaws and barriers are counterbalanced by strength wisdom and knowledge you've gained over the years embracing the total of all you already are gives you the tools you need as a springboard to your future still not convinced it's not your future that you're afraid of it's your past that makes you anxious and scared to dream putting your imagination to work Thomas Edison had a beast of an imagination the world would be a much different place today if Edison had lingered in his past instead of using his imagination to shape Humanity's future he once said to invent you need a good imagination and a pile of junk apparently Edison kept a lot of junk around it took him more than one thousand attempts before he invented the first commercially viable light bulb keep in mind that was just one of Edison's inventions he created the phonograph the motion picture camera the mimeograph alkaline storage batteries and even concrete and cement in all Edison was credited with 1093 U.S patents in his lifetime worldwide he's credited with 2232 patents yes those are records Edison was a pretty good businessman as well he amassed 200 million dollars of wealth in today's dollars during his lifetime do you think he got there by being bound by the failures of his past experiments not a chance Edison is also credited with saying I have not failed I've just found 10 000 ways that won't work the world would be a much darker place literally if he had failed dreams are the product of your imagination at work imagining is therapy it's healthy so one of the best ways to be good to yourself is to put your imagination to work many people think of dreams as unconscious thoughts your brain manufactures when you're asleep but the kind of dreams I'm talking about are your lucid dreams you're more in control when you're awake and while there's value in letting your subconscious work out your dreams and direct your energies when you're asleep I believe your best dreams take place when you're wide awake what makes humans unique is that our Consciousness allows us to extend beyond the confines of present time and space this other dimension is our dream state where imagination flourishes that Dimension is both wildly exciting and infuriatingly inexact it's a place where you free yourself from your inhibitions worries and thoughts of the past therapists have long called this reconnecting with your inner child now I know why if you're a logical and orderly thinker it's okay to search for your future Vision instead of getting hung up on the label of dreaming too much dreams and Visions are interchangeable no matter what you label it you'll be energized by your vision imagination in your dreams and if you're lucky you'll feel uncomfortable too uncomfortable is good uncomfortable is necessary for Progress uncomfortable means your imagination is working to plug in disparate thoughts to create something new remember the past is familiar the future is unknown uncomfortable is one of the necessary emotions you need to move forward so hold tight to those uncomfortable feelings they're valuable parts of the future you giving yourself permission to dream granting permission to live in your imagination and create dreams is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself there will be hurdles to overcome you'll get stuck in self-editing thinking would people laugh at me if I did this could I lose friends or damage my reputation if I dare to do what I'm imagining should I conform and just do what's expected even though it will make me unhappy all of these are fear questions as I've noted all of them are based on the shackles of your past one way to permit yourself to dream is to forgive others for past wrongs more important you need to forgive yourself Dr Wayne Dyer was fond of saying forgiving others is essential for spiritual growth that spiritual growth releases you from a lot of useless anger and pain spiritual growth is directly linked to dreaming and your imagination it's another part of that other dimension so vital to living your most Blissful life spiritual growth is also another way you empty your glass to make room for your new dreams dreaming requires a bit of self-analysis too you have deeply ingrained mental patterns and habits you're not aware of simply because you've carried around that dead weight baggage for so long I can't I won't that's not me I'm not good enough I'm too fat I'm too old I'm too young you get the idea the list of mental Boulders blocking your path is endless all they do is make you sad stressed depressed and filled with anxiety once you identify those negatives you can reduce or eliminate them through a better quality of intentional thinking replace negatives with dreams and visions that are exact specific and repetitive your dreams are best fueled by new ideas thoughts and thinking from unlikely sources quality dreams come from priming your mental pump with a wide variety of things that will interest you your brain energized by your imagination will set about the work of linking these seemingly unrelated thoughts to create ideas that may leave you amazed understand that our subconscious Minds can't tell the difference between reality and imagined thought that's why the things we focus on and continually think about eventually manifest in our lives just as imagine if thinking is not linear so too is the timeline when your brain creates new dreams for your Consciousness ever wake up in the middle of the night with the answer to a problem that's been vexing you for weeks have you been jolted with the solution to a thorny problem when you're at your kids baseball game when you're walking through Home Depot or taking a morning shower your imagination has no concept of day and night no brain says it will dispense ideas and solutions during staff meeting at 11 A.M every morning it comes when it comes pay attention when it does then take steps to record or remember your thoughts your subconscious has worked hard on your behalf and it would be downright rude to let those thoughts slip away dreaming and doing the power of one more is about thinking and doing up until now we've talked a lot about the thinking part of dreaming it's just as critical to put your dreams into actions that will push you towards your goals in a baseball game you can't be on both first and second bases simultaneously likewise in life you can't live in two places at one time to steal second base you must take your foot off a first Guided by your dreams you'll lead off first and make a break for the next destination in your life you can either choose to stay stuck and live in your past or you can choose to live your best life by dreaming and choosing to live in your future when you intentionally act upon your dreams you'll be amazed at how naturally you attract what you need you'll start to understand that along with bad habits people who are bad for you will also fade into your past as this happens you begin to realize that it wasn't always the relationship that you valued it was how the relationship made you feel new dreams rewire your life and when you make room Like An Empty Glass you will fill your life with new relationships and Adventures along with your gut intuition and your imagination your dreams will start to manifest in a way that lightens your load you'll see exciting new possibilities As you move towards your future you'll be a much happier person when you take your one more dreams and turn them into reality chapter 8 one more question to ask ourselves the unexamined life isn't worth living Socrates do you ever think about what you think about this is a truly powerful question I ask it's one of many questions I'm going to ask you in this chapter and a question you should be asking yourself the truth is most people never do most people never take control of their thoughts because they don't ask the right questions so they have a flawed belief of what they're thinking should be that leads to an equally fundamental question what is thinking simply put thinking is the process of asking and answering questions of yourself that's how thought works you constantly ask and answer questions in your head thousands of times a day so if you want to change the quality of your thoughts you need to change the quality of the questions you ask it's the quality of the questions you ask that controls the quality of the thoughts you think you'd be amazed at how finely tuned your brain is at finding you the answers you're looking for does that make sense to you this could be a foundational seismic shift in your life if you begin to ask better questions better questions lead to better answers better answers lead to a better life most people don't do this but one more thinkers do most people ask questions that make them weaker less resilient or less resourceful they take the easy way out in some cases these questions do harm by creating fear anger distrust or lack of confidence the Navy Seals are taught to ask the question what in this situation could I control immediately by contrast most people ask themselves what could go wrong what can't I control in this situation what should I fear and worry about because most of us are hardwired to think that way if you ask those types of questions you're always going to find yourself under duress the answers to those questions are the answers your brain is going to find for you self-examination is a critical process to uncover wisdom in your life when you ask the right questions you arrive at the truth about yourself unfortunately looking inside your own life is not always fun your inner voice can be your most vocal critic and self-accountability means there's no place to hide but to achieve personal growth one more thinkers must accept this Challenge and embrace answers to Big questions in their lives many times people find it only takes one more answer to produce dramatic changes asking the right questions is the first step to getting the answers you need to make that happen getting answers removes roadblocks that help you create change it's difficult to fix problems anywhere else in your world until you have your own house in order Eugene ionesco said it's not the answer that enlightens but the question you humble yourself when you challenge yourself to be better and the best way to do this is by questioning the foundation of your thoughts and actions from day to day the answers to these big questions are as unique as you are there are no right or wrong answers there's no one-size-fits-all solution in many cases it's like peeling back the layers of an onion because the questions you ask will lead to new questions based on your experience memories feelings and relationships face these questions Embrace these answers if you're honest with yourself you'll break through barriers that will lead you to an extraordinary life what if you could find one more powerful question to ask yourself several times a day it's impossible for me to guess what questions and answers are important to you instead I've put together the following list to start your self-examination process certain questions will resonate with you pay attention that's your inner you trying to tell you something important don't rush through these questions and the answers you uncover let the questions linger find a quiet place and let your mind go to work so the answers will have value for you also think about the answers you come up with today versus the answers you'd like to have at some point in the future once you plant these future answers in your brain your mind will go to work on your behalf to turn these answers into a new reality for you remember one answer can create big changes and asking one more questions is the first step to that desired outcome one more questions to ask yourself to lead an extraordinary life what one more thing can I do to show my spouse or my partner I love them how can I do one more thing to improve my relationship with my children is there one more thing I can do to make my family feel more special is there one more thing I can do to show my appreciation to the people I work with what's one more way I can adjust my thinking so I make fewer excuses what part of this situation can I control right now how is this happening for me and not to me what's one more thing I can do to calm myself down today is there one more thing I can do to bring myself long-term peace what's one more way I can worry less about what other people think what's one more way I can bring my anger level down is there one more thing I can do so people will see me less different than I see myself what's one more way I can worry less about the past how can I Implement one more way to worry less about the future what's one more way I can get more excited about the future what's one more way I will practice gratitude how do I Implement one more way to procrastinate less and protect a valuable asset of my time what's one more way I can be less of a spectator and more of a participant could I do one more thing to ask myself hard questions even if I know I won't like the answers what's one more way I will tell myself it's okay to fail and learn from my mistakes is there one more way to be a good Steward with the money I have been blessed with what's one more way to ensure my values are consistent with my standards and goals in my work is there one more way I can become an effective leader what one more way can I become healthier how can I make one more change to my diet to lose weight what's one more exercise I can do at the gym to burn fat or pack on muscle what's one more thing I can let go of that's been holding me back and that I'm better off without how do I give myself one more block of time to let my mind wander in daydream what's one more thing I can eliminate that's stopping me from doing the things I could be doing what's one more way I can change my thinking so I complain less is there one more thing I can do to help somebody in pain who really needs me what's the one more thing that has provided me with the most Bliss recently how can I do one more thing to handle conflict better what's one more thing I can do better to deal with people in my life who drain the energy out of me is there one more thing I can do to carve out more time to be mindful and intentional what's one more thing I should do to stop holding grudges what's one more thing I have learned in life that I can pass on as a mentor to others what's one more thing I can do to enjoy my work more was I curious enough to ask one more question to seek out answers to important questions in my life today what's one more prayer I need to have or scripture I need to hold closer in my faith life is there one more way I can thank and honor my God for the gifts I receive today what are the answers answers to these questions may make you uncomfortable not always but in many cases to grow the best answers will be the most difficult for you to address you've heard the saying that there are no dumb questions in life not true there are dumb questions they're the ones that you ask that don't challenge you they're the ones that provide you with convenient truths you only cheat yourself and waste time when you ask yourself another's dumb questions making things even worse deep down you know you're doing this if you want to be average if you're happy where you're at because you're comfortable scared or lazy or you don't want to know how to make your life better then don't ask the questions that lead you to your growth nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to do the greatest gift is not being afraid to question Ruby D once said if you're not healthy enough to want to gift yourself with the truth then don't get to the end of your life with regrets some questions won't have immediate answers don't assume defeat if you can't apply logic and solutions when that happens an answer to a question you ask may not come until later or not at all give yourself credit for Having the courage to ask the question and seek the answer remember one question often leads to another and another and another Enlightenment travels a lot of different paths learn to live with great unanswered questions in your life seek the answers daily some will come to you like a lightning bolt others will come to you over time either way living with the extraordinary questions and answers of your life is one of the most admirable traits of a one more thinker chapter nine one more goal may he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed Psalm 20 verse 4. throughout our lives we've been inundated with systems philosophies and methods about how to set goals to make our life better there's definitely no shortage of resources on the subject it would be naive for me to think that you're not already using some kind of strategy related to your goals instead I want to improve how you approach your goals and goal setting process here's a good place to start I believe goals are energy goals are a life force goals are a state of being they're more than a manifestation of the ideas hopes desires and dreams you have inside of you the pursuit of your goals when properly executed is the transference of energy into action creating one of the purest forms of one more in your life too often though goals aren't designed as a conscious decision to improve your life often you set goals as a reaction or response to something that is happening in your life instead of playing defense the key is to proactively fill your mind with the right kind of thoughts about your goals when you do your entire being is invigorated to accomplish those goals that's because the mind always gravitates to what it's familiar with and draws in whatever resources are necessary to propel you forward what you think leads to what you need when you consciously access what you need your mindsets about the business of making your goals a reality the relationship between standards and goals I go into standards in Greater detail in chapter 10 but I wanted to briefly make sure you understood why goals and standards are linked together and how they work in tandem for your benefit many confuse the two but they aren't the same you create goals based on desired outcomes that start as thoughts in your mind for example I'd like to make money to donate ten thousand dollars to my favorite charity or I want to take a trip to Europe this summer are worthy goals but without a plan of attack to achieve your goals they have much less of a chance of becoming a reality your first order of business is to figure out what you're willing to tolerate to meet your goals what you're willing to tolerate becomes the standards you must Implement standards are the actions linked to the thoughts you have related to your goals creating goals without creating corresponding standards is a waste of time your standards must be even more intentional than the goals you create think of your goals as the byproducts and results of your standards conversely when you put the proper standards in place you have a much better chance of achieving your goals the other thing is you can't always control the outcome of your goals you will fail at achieving some and you should for goals to be meaningful they must be difficult and challenging however you can control your standards because they are internal and rest entirely on you and how much you're willing to invest with that distinction made you already have a sense of why goals are important but in my opinion some of the thinking about goals and how to create meaningful and achievable goals for your life is entirely wrong keep it simple and flexible there are thousands and thousands of people out there who happily want to give you a system of creating goals here's the problem with that one system doesn't fit everyone's needs that's because every one of us processes information differently you're a unique product of your past experiences education thoughts gifts shortcomings and relationships a system does not fit everyone's processes for creating goals some people think visually others rely on auditory input as a primary way to process information many people prefer a tactile approach with the need to literally touch their goals which is a more kinesthetic approach if you've ever gone to a car dealership to test drive the car of your dreams you know what I mean most of us blend these and other approaches to varying degrees in ways that reflect how we've been conditioned to process information that's why it's impossible to create a goal setting system that works effectively for seven billion people on planet Earth the other reason I believe many systems don't work is that they're often too complicated Elite performers CEOs and other highly motivated results driven people don't have the time or inclination to dive into elaborate ways to create goals the right way to approach setting your goals is to keep a simple plan of attack I'm going to give you a flexible way to do that so it makes sense for you no matter who you are it's not a system it's a loose framework you can adopt to execute actions in the most direct way that works best for you creating your goals in your Peak state you can only create your best goals when you're at your Peak State this state occurs when your mind and body are functioning optimally together breaking it down further think of your thoughts as your conscious mind and your body as your subconscious mind when you're conscious and your subconscious minds work in congruency you have a powerful force that multiplies and heightens your Peak State I refer to our body as our subconscious mind because too often we only focus on our thoughts when it comes to creating our own goals our thoughts are what put us in a conscious State giving us what we believe to be the right frame of mind to reach our goals however we don't realize that for our mind to function optimally our body must also function optimally many people don't pay attention to their body when setting goals and in this way it becomes a subconscious mind when we don't put our subconscious mind in a prime State we're not using all the available tools we have unless we tap into all these tools there's no way our goals will best meet our needs when these tools are in sync even when your conscious mind isn't actively working on your goals your subconscious mind will keep pushing forward here's a critical point to remember your mind always moves to what it is the most familiar with when both your conscious and subconscious minds are engaged on your behalf you are working on your goals all the time that's why this concept is so powerful it's also why attaching compelling reasons to your goals is critical for your success compelling reasons drive your goals compelling reasons will give you the energy and resiliency to push through the difficult times so that you can reach your goals compelling reasons translate into goals you're passionate about goals are all about change that's why your goals need to challenge you if they aren't challenging then they won't change you all you're doing is wasting your time it's not compelling enough to say you'd like to raise ten thousand dollars for your favorite charity because it would be a nice thing to do make it emotional the more emotional you make your compelling reasons the more energy and resiliency you will attach to it and that means you're more likely to raise that ten thousand dollars for example you need to set your mind that raising that money will give children a place to go after school something you never had as a child or put researchers one step closer to curing the disease your mom passed away from maybe that money can make a difference by paying for badly needed supplies at a battered women's shelter when I was younger I had some heart problems I started thinking about all the things I would miss if I passed away early in my life but the one image that caused me to make changes in my my life was the vision I had of not being able to walk my daughter Bella down the aisle on her wedding day I can't even begin to convey the emotional impact that had on me armed with that compelling reason I started going to the gym eating better reducing my stress and adopted an overall healthier lifestyle it's not simply a matter of being more disciplined or more driven there needs to be an emotional component linked to your goal that's the compelling motivation that keeps goals from becoming lethargic burdens as you create your goals decide the who what and why reasons for what you're about to do if you aren't fired up then you'll have a difficult time fighting off the distractions that will try to dislodge you from your goal make your compelling reason your suit of armor to Stave off these kinds of attacks many goal setting systems also encourage you to create goal categories don't do it you have one life there's no need to complicate it by categorizing them as Finance Faith Fitness or family goals keep it simple why burden Yourself by complicating goals designed to make your life easier and better when you create a single list the only thing to keep in mind is whether you're creating a momentum building goal or a stretch life-altering goal momentum building goals are easy to hit as the name suggests they build momentum in your life their shorter term with a more immediate payoff you get a reward you can build on stringing enough of these together is a lot like Gathering speed going downhill the only caution here is to make sure that these types of goals are still meaningful and challenging life-altering goals are harder to hit you raise the bar on these with the idea that they will produce a bigger payoff and result in bigger growth than you they take longer sometimes years to accomplish the two can be linked together let's use a very common goal as an example losing weight start with your compelling reason which is not to die prematurely because you're fat a momentum building goal is losing two pounds a week or eight to ten pounds a month if you set your standard the right way by eating the proper foods and exercising regularly this is a short-term goal that's very doable if you're grossly over weight you might set a life-altering goal of losing 100 pounds or more the only way you'll do that is by hitting all your shorter momentum building goals you can't lose a hundred pounds if you don't first lose two pounds right goth understood the relationship when he said it's not enough to take steps which may someday lead to a goal each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise finally when you design a goal you carve out a space in your brain that didn't exist before this space needs to be nurtured you have to figure out what resources you'll need to help reach that goal is there a book you should read a person you need to connect with maybe there's a place you need to visit or an activity you need to perform fill that space with the right tools to accomplish your goal or you risk starving your goal into failure nevertheless you can have all your compelling reasons and resources in place but if you don't think you deserve the goal you've set you will struggle goals and self-worth if you don't believe you're worthy of a particular outcome you're self-sabotaging and you'll never produce a greater result than what you think you're worthy of think of it as pulling on both sides of the rope and a tug of war even if you win you lose you must build two things into your thinking as you create your goals one ways to increase faith in yourself and two ways to increase your identity when you look in the mirror both are integral parts of your self-worth unless you're confident in who you are and what you deserve you limit yourself in the goals you think you deserve you must be aware and smart enough not to undermine your efforts as you believe so too will you achieve your conscious and your subconscious can be great allies but if they're not working together they can be mental landmines that will blow up in your face using positive energy to create your best goals many people live with chaos angst anxiety and suffering every day under this burden they react and respond to these mental states to escape when you create goals under these circumstances you're reacting to conditions instead of taking the reins and designing the life you want when you respond and react you're moving away from something to avoid it instead of moving towards something better because you want it you need to set goals only when you're operating out of your imagination and dreams instead of out of your history and fears the next obvious question is how can I do this to design your goals you need to lock out external factors and influences with so much on our plates every day this is a challenge one way to prep your mind is to ask yourself this question would the quality of my goals and outcomes improve significantly if I created those goals operating under a state of confidence strength and Bliss or operating out of a mindset of fear failure and depression better goals create better outcomes and better goals are created when you shed the negatives in your life while deciding what you want to accomplish again there's no fancy formula here I want you to keep it simple remember to create goals in your Peak state to find your Peak State physically get your body moving go for a walk or a run hit the gym ride a bike take a swim or do some jumping jacks when you do this you're creating the energy I talked about at the beginning of the chapter that energy generates endorphins that are released when you put your body in motion the endorphins Unleash Your Peak State and your Peak State plugs into your best creative state in your best creative state you're able to see things differently you imagine possibilities and the adrenaline drives the confidence you need to develop your absolute best goals when you generate this energy it's transferred into your goals I told you goals are a form of energy now you know what fuels that energy after you've created your goals what are the keys to realizing them is repeating them often when you repeat your goals you fill your mind with thoughts your mind needs to help you accomplish your goals for maximum Effectiveness repeat your goals to yourself when you're in a peak State as well to create congruency between your mind and body your conscious State and your subconscious state you must repeat goals in the same state you created them in if you don't there's a chance your mind will reject the goals your brain and your body should be in sync engage a variety of tools to help you repeat your goals in your Peak State use your cell phone pictures notes daily appointments or whatever tools you think are appropriate to reinforce repetition also the best way to create your goals is to create them in multiple time frames lots of people wait till January 1st every year to do this I can't even begin to tell you how lazy and inefficient that is by contrast Elite performers create and review goals several times a day to design your goals instead of responding to circumstances in your life create goals hourly daily weekly monthly yearly and even three and five years out the best set of goals have hybrid time frames that means you're working on goals with a sense of urgency momentum goals and long-term goals stretch life-altering goals all the time play squarely in front of you these Blended time frames make it easier to get into the habit of repeating your goals regularly this is how you anchor your goals to your conscious mind when you anchor goals to your conscious mind your subconscious mind automatically kicks in and your brain goes to work on your behalf how I create goals how you create goals is going to be unique to you however I wanted to share with you how I create goals so you can get a better sense of how all the thoughts and strategies mentioned fold into a practical example I would never presume to tell you precisely how you should create your goals you must find a way that works best for you your process will be different from everyone else's and that's the best way to ensure you create goals that work for you for me every year I come up with a one word strategy that serves as an overarching theme for my goals this reflects what my priorities are and where I'm at in my life some of these words I've used in the past are Relentless Faith resilience love caring and gratitude and once I decide on that word I step into that person my goals remain unique but this one word quietly drives my process in the background I repeat that word all year long with this word in mind after putting myself in a peak mental state I start my goal setting with a mental flood it's exactly what it sounds like first I turn off the part of my brain that thinks I can't do something then I see myself as a child on Christmas Eve and I make a list of all the gifts I want to receive I do this for four minutes no editing no throttling back I write down everything that comes to mind I give myself permission to empty my brain of all my desires big and small while I'm doing this I get up and move around I make sure my blood is Flowing I remain in my Peak State and create a strong internal energy flow once I have a single Master list I do several things to lock in this set of goals after I confirm that I have a compelling reason I drill down to ensure the goals are specific generalities don't work my brain and yours can't work effectively on processing generic ideas a brain works best when front loaded with detailed and precise pieces of information I wouldn't say I want to get in shape and lose some weight so I feel better those are empty words in and wishes instead if losing weight is my goal I zero in on the exact waist size I want precisely how many pounds I want to lose and what I want my cholesterol and blood pressure readings to be and so on being vague gets in your mind's way being specific means being accountable there's no wiggle room in business it's not enough to say I want to make more money I need to come up with an exact amount that is why I decided I wanted to make a million dollars before I turned 30. part of the specificity of goals must include a date and a deadline otherwise it's a little more of an open-ended wish next I decide who I want to help me be accountable for this goal it might be my wife my business partner or my pastor but for my goal to work I have to share what it is there's an undeniable power in telling someone discipline and accountability lead to Ascension and dominance with these things locked into place I start to work on my goals part of this involves reading and visualizing my goals often sometimes this can even be several times a day I found that the most effective form of repetition is to repeat my goals out loud there's an added layer of impact when auditory senses are engaged visualizing is critical too how you visualize is up to you some people use dream boards and photos others put written lists on mirrors in their bathroom or cars personally I like to visualize in my mind that's how I think and it's what works best for me experiment with what works best for you the other part of repetition is that I say things I genuinely mean some goal setting systems require you to act as if you've already accomplished a particular goal do this and you're only lying to yourself you'll knock your mind out of sync don't say I've got a million dollars when you're not there yet I found that repetition is hard for a lot of people personally the way I do it is that I include my goals and my prayers and I pray every day others meditate daily and this is another great way to visualize goals as well repetition is also easier when it's done at the same time every day for me I like repeating my goals in the morning when I first wake up and at night just before I go to bed repetition also engages the reticular activating system or the RAS the RAS is the mental muscle that filters things into your awareness that are important to you and filters out things that are not you can read more about the RAS in chapter 2. finally one last thing I do when setting goals is that I create an expectation that I am going to reach that goal have you ever noticed the goals you expect to happen are the ones you seem to hit time and time again expectation creates a positive framework that brings forward the tools and resources necessary to succeed when your brain expects you to be successful it goes to work putting Solutions much closer in reach that you can take full advantage of at all times as a one more thinker you need goals in your life when you craft them the right way they will challenge you energize you and bring passion and focus to everything you do chapter 10 one more higher standard of all the judgments we make through life none are more important than the estimate we place on ourselves according to our own internal standards Dennis waitley I've got a mind-blowing revelation for you there's a very high probability you're not going to reach your goals but here is some great news you're absolutely guaranteed to get your standards yep that's the real truth fortunately goals and standards are two sides of the same coin they are inextricably linked together that means if you want the best possible chance of reaching your goals you need to adjust your standards and reaching your goals will become almost automatic here's how the difference between goals and standards many people I meet confuse goals and standards often mistaking them is the same thing they are not before you can achieve your goals you must understand the role standards play and why they're so important here's the key difference goals start out as thoughts they are desirable outcomes that take root in your mind your brain either confirms these goals or they pass as fleeting thoughts when you decide you want to achieve your goals you create standards as a means of taking those thoughts and applying actions to them think of standards as the performance benchmarks you're willing to tolerate standards are the actions that Propel you towards your goals goals effectively become byproducts of how you approach your standards goals without standards are empty goals without standards are useless the world constantly tells you to review and upgrade your goals which you should be doing but the secret is to constantly review and upgrade your standards you need to evaluate what you're willing to tolerate and not tolerate what are you willing to tolerate when you set a goal you must decide if you can tolerate the standards that are essential to reach your goal tolerance doesn't only apply to the things you need to do to move your life forward your tolerance level can apply to many different areas such as your existing relationships leadership and business dealings right now can you tolerate the business results you're currently getting can you tolerate the amount of money you currently make can you tolerate the amount of bliss or passion you currently experience if you can you're going to keep getting them it's only when you decide that you can no longer tolerate the treatment you're getting in a relationship or the business results that you're getting that you can change them it's only when you decide you can no longer tolerate the amount of money you're making that you'll begin to move toward your goal of making more money if you're willing to tolerate something that's probably what you're going to get if you don't change your standards then your goals are irrelevant many people fail or are miserable because they set standards that are too low for how they want to be treated if you don't establish what your standards are and clearly Define them other people will act to undermine them simply because they aren't clear about what is acceptable to you and what is not sometimes the downward push can unintentionally come from well-meaning people in your life who may not even be aware they're doing this to you for example if high standards and boundaries don't exist between two people the relationship will be troubled and often fail your relationship standards must be clearly defined and mutually agreed upon also never tolerate treatment less than what you're worthy of set standards in your relationship with your spouse boyfriend girlfriend business relationships or anyone else in your life make those standards consistent with your self-worth in business an organization without high standards is an organization that is out of control it's an organization not performing at Peak capacity as competitive as business is that's a recipe for failure in your business can every employee tell you what the organization's goals are and what the standards are to achieve those business goals and just as important can they live up to them the greatest companies and the dynastic sports teams always set the highest standards where you find your standards you already have standards that Define your life understanding where those standards came from is one of the steps of leveling up and creating higher standards that will lead you to change your standards reflect the people you work with your parents friends family members your church social media news media and the books you read you have other tribal influences as well if you're an athlete you idolize stars like Simone biles Mia ham LeBron James Mike Trout or Patrick Mahomes techies identify with Steve Jobs Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos intellectuals are moved by great thought and religious leaders like Dr Martin Luther King Jr Mahatma Gandhi Ein Rand Rick Warren or brene brown and you can never underestimate music's power through artists like Michael Jackson Beyonce Adele Taylor Swift John Mayer post Malone or Ed Sheeran you may have been influenced by one-off casual conversations you've had with strangers by our nature we are social creatures we need input we seek validation in our relationships most of us enjoy belonging to a variety of groups of like-minded people we like exchanging ideas and learning new things that grow and shape our perceptions these perceptions influence our beliefs about our world our community our family and most importantly our own being you can't turn off these types of interactions you'd wither and die but you can be more aware of how these interactions shape what you think and how that defines you as a person make it a point to understand how they impact you from a behavioral moral ethical and godly perspective think of your brain as a blender once you're exposed to different ideas your brain takes all that input whether you agree with it or not and blends those thoughts to create something new you may completely reject new Notions on the surface but subconsciously your brain processes things over time and you might change your way of thinking perhaps in a way that leads you to higher and more enlightened standards the incoming information you receive daily is inevitable to activate the changes meant for you there must be a conscious decision to take only what you think is valuable and apply it in a thoughtful way to create unique standards if you're lazy and go with the standards of the people places groups and media you're in proximity with you'll get the same things as everyone else that isn't the way to your best life activating to a higher standard are you happy with the amount of money you're currently making perhaps you've been stuck in a job that's paid you seventy five thousand dollars a year for the past three years you tell yourself I want to make a hundred thousand dollars next year that's your goal the question now becomes how will I get there and that's where standards come into play standards are the specific set of actions you must take to achieve your goal in this case you might need to increase the number of calls you make to clients or take business classes that add to your value making you a more attractive candidate for a promotion you may need to come to work earlier stay later put in time on Saturdays or find a new job that pays you what you think you're worth standards are most valuable when they are precise make 20 calls per week to clients take classes that will lead you to your master's degree in 18 months commit to working six hours every Saturday and staying two hours later three days a week these actions become your standards for reaching your goal unfortunately many people never get Beyond dreaming about their goals even if there's a strong desire to achieve the goal they've set they don't want to pay the price for reaching that goal in all parts of your life when it comes to goals and standards they must be aligned to find Harmony that Harmony will breed success goals without standards are just a bunch of rudderless thoughts and words they're only unattached desires that will never materialize unless you pair them with the right standards if you've created goals and fallen short it's because your standards are not congruent with your goals here's something else that is truly liberating when you set the right standards that match your goals your life becomes much less stressful your goals while important becomes secondary that may sound a bit counter-intuitive but it's the truth for example if you want to build a championship team what are the preparation standards you're willing to tolerate what are the execution standards you're willing to tolerate coach Nick Saban is the greatest college football coach of all time his teams have won more than 80 percent of the 300 plus games he's coached during the 2020 season he won his seventh National Championship despite Contracting covid-19 mid-season even more impressive his Crimson Tide rolled to an undefeated 13-0 season along the way coach Sabin sets a different kind of standard than most other coaches those coaches create the standard of we'll practice until we get this right coach Saban sets the standard of we'll practice this until we can't get it wrong that's next level thinking and Next Level standard it's also a championship standard the difference is so subtle but separates the greatest of all time from the rest of the world nine ways to set a higher standard setting clear and defined higher standards is personal and unique to you but there are some Universal principles you can apply that will ensure you create quality high standards no matter what your goals are here are some things to consider one understand your why unless you're clear on your motivation you won't develop optimal standards for your goal it's a lot different saying I want to lose 50 pounds because it might be a good idea instead of I want to lose 50 pounds because my back hurts my doctor says I have high blood pressure I'm borderline diabetic and I might not live to see my grandchildren the stronger and more specific your reasons are for doing something the more likely you'll stick with your standards two break down a higher standard into detailed and achievable steps don't say I'm going to get up and run a little while then lift some weights be intentional meticulous and specific tell yourself I'm gonna run eight miles three days a week work with a trainer to create an optimal strength training routine that I'll do five days a week and I'll change my diet to a lean protein and plant-based menu three be honest with yourself if you take on the workout regimen above and you're 55 years old and weigh 350 pounds not only are you setting yourself up for failure you're setting yourself up for a 9-1-1 ambulance ride don't let your ego run your mind when it comes to setting realistic goals and standards start at a place that makes sense for you you can always upgrade your goals and standards once you start making progress be measured and transparent with yourself When developing your standards 4. get help in areas where you're weak find a workout buddy enlist a seasoned business Mentor listen to motivational tapes and podcasts surround yourself with like-minded people on like-minded Journeys do whatever it takes to fortify your efforts there are going to be days and periods where you'll waver you'll want to give up that's normal you may question if your goal is worth it you may tell yourself that your standards are too high Welcome to The Human Condition this is where mental discipline comes in revisit your original motivation understand what influences are holding you back and then eliminate them if possible well-intentioned friends family and business associates can be your biggest enemies but they are also your greatest allies like it or not you care what they think good and bad they're part of your inner circle and will constantly influence your thoughts and your actions it's up to you to filter the messages that are positive and meaningful to you don't be swayed to a lesser outcome simply because of familiarity worthy goals and corresponding standards are not supposed to be easy to reach if your willpower waivers redouble your efforts and give yourself credit for being smart enough to recognize you'll have to work harder as part of your process five use technology to set and maintain your new standards not so long ago self-improvement gurus preach that you need to write down your goals look into the bathroom mirror repeat those goals every day we've come a long way since then to optimize the possibility of being successful tap into technology to help you set and maintain your standards use your cell phone or computer to create a video of your goals and standards talk to yourself do it when you're in a focused high energy state that way when you play it back you'll be watching yourself in a peak state every time unlike only writing down your goals and standards you'll get the added boost of auditory and visual stimulation sent to your brain your brain's synaptic plasticity will improve when this happens your brain is better able to flex and adapt creating enhanced avenues for learning you are watching that person you want to be think of it as you 2.0 6. give dedicated thought to the relationship between your goal and your standard Venus and Serena Williams didn't learn to play world-class tennis by going out after school a couple of times a week and playing a friendly match here and there both women became highly accomplished tennis players because they spent thousands of hours honing their skills working on every little part of their game eventually to become Legends in the game they created standards commiserate with their goal of being the best tennis players in the world when your standard does not match what's required to meet your goal you won't be properly motivated if you set your standards beneath your capabilities you won't feel challenged and you'll lose interest low standards produce low results so why bother seven forget Perfection this is an absolute killer Perfection is the lowest standard there is and realistically Perfection doesn't exist if you want to frustrate yourself and give up assume that you must be perfect even the Williams sisters have lost plenty of matches along the way Perfection is also boring it's our flaws that make us interesting human and relatable everybody has flaws and those who think they don't have any are the ones who have the biggest flaws of all eight don't overthink it be diligent and thorough but for goodness sake get over yourself and get your butt in gear I've seen thousands of people become Their Own Worst Enemy due to overthinking I've seen so many people have great ideas for incredible businesses only to Tinker dabble focus on the minutia and fizzle out before they even reach the starting line thinking is good overthinking is bad 9. set standards to please yourself I've covered this already but it Bears repeating simply because we're hardwired to please others be selfish when it comes to developing your standards this is your journey this does not belong to anyone else it's personal keep it that way or you're just gonna waste time wind up with a big mess you don't want to buy into and end up in worse shape than when you started I love Rick pitino's take on this set higher standards for your own performance than anyone around you and it won't matter whether you have a tough boss or an easy one it won't matter whether the competition is pushing you hard because you'll be competing with yourself raising your standards is an ongoing process nobody knows better than you what your standards should be that said developing standards isn't always an easy proposition if you're trying to break out and do something new you might not have all the tools or knowledge you need to accurately assess what standards you'll need to develop to reach your goals the good news is they aren't set in stone people often create standards they think are in line with what they need to reach their goals however as they gain experience and other variables come into play these Dynamics can create a need to dial up to a higher standard your standard should be appropriately challenging you will grow and change along the way so you should review your goals and higher standards regularly when you've mastered a standard and met your goal adjust upward if you've been diligent in your efforts and something is starting to feel easy you'll know maybe it's time to set a different goal with different standards once you've accomplished what you want but for a remarkable difference in your life consider leveling up by creating a higher standard that will prepare tell you to an even more worthy goal that builds on what you've already done also it's unhealthy to compare yourself for your standards to others this is your journey and yours alone keep it that way you have no clue what someone else is going through even when they tell you especially when they tell you you're only going to hear what they want you to hear when you compare you're also tempted to adjust your standards downward to align with someone else's standards that's unacceptable it's human nature to compare but I'm telling you now don't do it consider the alternative suppose you compare your standards to someone else's and you discover their standards are incredibly High when stacked against yours in that case you may be setting yourself up for a big psychological disappointment it's a waste of time and doesn't do one thing to move you closer to your desired outcome the only thing you should be comparing yourself to is you the consequences of higher standards change creates consequences setting higher standards creates consequences when one more thinker set a higher standard you'll experience consequences good and bad the good is obvious when your goals are aligned with your higher standards you'll enjoy a Fuller and more Blissful life when you repeat this process in several areas of your life you'll experience a powerful transformation not only will you treat yourself better you'll treat others better too likewise others will understand that you have a higher expectation of how you want to be treated and most will honor that expectation and treat you with the added respect however some people in your circle will become jealous of your discipline and success if they continue to doubt you remain jealous or if they can't see that they can share and celebrate your success you need to reconsider your relationship with those people they'll get over it soon enough or as harsh as it may sound you may need to let them go as you develop higher standards you'll also enjoy more resilience you'll bounce back from setbacks quicker your higher standards will become habits and replace the Lesser standards that used to guide you even if you don't fully succeed you'll still fail at a higher level and land at a higher Baseline once you dust yourself off you'll be in a better place to move on to new goals and higher standards setting standards in your life is not easy but consider the alternative if you aim low set unworthy goals and create uninspired standards you'll end up living a life far below what you're capable of and Far Below what you deserve chapter 11 one more impossibility thinkers and possibility achievers one's philosophy is not best expressed in words it is expressed in the choices one makes in the long run we shape our lives and we shape ourselves the process never ends until we die and the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility Eleanor Roosevelt the fundamental philosophy of one more combines both the acts of thinking and doing to fully realize your best life it's not enough to think about what you want to do your thinking can be pristine and spot on unless you put actions to those thoughts you're not going anywhere in life one more thinkers must also be one more doers to frame the marriage of these two elements in the right way I want you to become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever learn to think and do rich if you're serious about improving your life one of the best books on the subject is Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich generations of successful business people entrepreneurs entertainers athletes and those of more modest means and goals worldwide have gleaned valuable ideas and been inspired to next levels of greatness after reading this seminal book as a one more thinker you should read Hill's book if you haven't done so already it has several great tools to break through barriers and become a more Dynamic impossibility thinker who dares to dream about things that most others think of as impossible your dreams equal your riches maybe your dream is to live on a ranch and race cattle in Wyoming or to launch a company that provides clean drinking water to impoverished areas of the world you may dream about making a living playing music or acting and bringing joy to others as an Entertainer I have profound respect for both Napoleon Hill and Think and Grow Rich my only issue with the book is that I don't think it goes far enough as a high performance Cornerstone for content temporary times when it was written in 1937 the world was a very different place America was deep in the midst of the depression vast numbers of people were out of work and starving problems in Europe were starting to foreshadow an ominous future of what would become World War II Americans needed hope Napoleon Hill inspired by a suggestion from Andrew Carnegie delivered it to them more than 80 years after it first debuted Think and Grow Rich has sold more than 15 million copies and is considered a must read for anyone who wants to succeed in any line of work all the principles and Think and Grow Rich are critical for Success they're worth mentioning because they're still valid and Powerful strategies today those principles are thoughts are things desire Faith Auto suggestion specialized knowledge imagination organized planning decision persistence power of the Mastermind the mystery of sex transmutation the subconscious mind the brain the sick sense if you read the book you'll see that all of these Concepts relate primarily to thoughts but you don't get rich by simply thinking you get rich by doing more specifically you get rich highly productive or happier when your thoughts and your actions are congruent although one of Hill's most famous thoughts is about action the man who does more than he is paid for will soon be paid for more than he does his book doesn't go far enough you must marry actions to your thoughts if you want to reach your goals your thoughts are the starting point of your dreams and you owe it to yourself to aim high with your dreams the sad part is that many people never get Beyond dreaming their dreams end in their thoughts that unrealized potential to do something great and be happy can be maddening dreams are the essence of impossibility thinking you must be able to dream to plant the seeds of what you think you can do in life it's when you combine that impossibility thinking with intentional actions aimed squarely at achieving your dreams that you become a possibility achiever think of your dreams as challenges that live inside of you you lose Nothing by challenging yourself this way it's healthy and I strongly encourage you to think long and hard about what will help you find your version of riches in life but don't stop there to realize what life has in story you must think and do rich dreams and thoughts without accompanying actions will only depress and frustrate you one more thinkers understand this and Implement an updated corollary of Newton's third law of motion you know the original Law which states for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction in this case that updated corollary is for every thought there is an equal and complementary action thoughts and actions act as a pair borrowing more from Newton's law one more thinkers also understand that the size of the thoughts you have should be equal to the force of the actions you should take you can't always control your thoughts that's the beauty of the human brain at work there are no wrong dreams in your head the problem is that it's impossible to measure your thoughts or the thoughts of someone else however you can control what you do and what you do is measurable for example if you work out at the gym and you want to increase your arm strength two sets of eight reps on the dumbbell curls can become three sets of ten reps if you want better cardio Fitness 30 minutes on the treadmill can become 45 minutes instead of working out three days a week you can go to the gym five days a week measuring your progress by measuring your actions makes you a possibility achiever are there risks and costs associated with taking action of course there are but the risks and costs associated with not taking action are a lot more inaction stifles progress and kills personal growth your time is finite and limited so why would you continue to sit still instead of engaging in the life you are meant to lead become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever great philosophers throughout history have long understood the link between thoughts and actions the Greek philosopher Epictetus encourages followers to not worry about anything outside of your control the only things you can command are your thoughts and actions we choose our response stop aspiring to be anyone other than your best self for that does fall within your control first John chapter 3 verse 18 tells us let us not love with words or speech but with actions in truth Mahatma Gandhi is one of many who voiced a version of the following your beliefs become your thoughts your thoughts become your words your words become your actions your actions become your habits your habits become your values your values become your destiny Mark Twain kept it simpler but equally effective when he wrote actions speak louder than words but not nearly as often the concept of being an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever is not new the problem is that putting these two ideas together is often overlooked procrastination denial or fear are common reasons why thinkers get stuck thinking and don't move on to doing lots of guys will see an attractive woman and think about asking her out but only a few will break through their fear of procrastination have the guts to follow through ever see a beautiful woman on an average man's arm and ask yourself how did he do that he did that because he's a one more impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever babies are remarkable human beings take the simple Act of a baby learning to walk all his or her life a baby has only known crawling they see other humans upright and walking around and they begin to imagine a world where they would break through the impossibility of standing upright on their own at first they'll grab onto a coffee table or a couch and pull themselves up they will fall there will be a few tears bumps and bruises eventually that baby is going to stand upright put one foot in front of the other and much to Mom and Dad's Delight start walking like its old hat it takes babies hundreds of hours of practice from the moment of first learning how to stand to walk unassisted it's a Monumental achievement worthy of every parent celebration if a baby can do it you can become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever too you must be willing to dream big take a chance set your barriers aside and do it anyway whether it's learning how to ballroom dance day trade stocks or set a goal of headlining at Carnegie Hall put your sub conscious to work and soon enough your actions will Propel you towards your goals watching your silent movie if you show me your actions and behaviors I can show you how you think that's because what you do is a reflection of how you're thinking however what you're thinking isn't always a reflection of what you do this is important because once you understand how the relationship between a person's thoughts and actions work you can predict their behavior I'm sure you'll agree that's a powerful tool to have at your disposal here are several examples of what I mean I can't tell if you're thinking about going on a diet to lose 40 pounds but I can tell you what your body will look like based on how you eat and work out do you Gorge late at night on cookies and ice cream or do you hit the gym and go for a run several days a week several tells for a woman going on a first date with a man will reveal to her the kind of guy he is and whether she should carry the relationship forward these aren't disqualifiers but they are indicators for example does he open doors for you if you're at a restaurant how does he treat the hostess and the wait staff does he shut his phone off when he's talking with you or at the very least apologize if he has to take an important phone call what many people call women's intuition could just be highly tuned observational note-taking when you're sitting across the table from someone attempting to negotiate a big business deal what does that person's body language tell you about their interest level are they anxious to wrap things up or do they ask important questions to drill down to the deal's finer points do they try to grind on you every little detail or do they understand the best deals or win-win and instead seek common ground in these situations and most of your interactions with others what you do trumps how you think your life isn't based on your thoughts your life is based on your actions show me what you do and I'll tell you what you think to illustrate the point I've developed something I call watching a silent movie suppose in all your interactions with others there was no sound you had no choice but to make assumptions and decisions about others based only on what their actions were in effect no sound means you can't hear their thoughts however does despite no sound you can still see the outcome of their thoughts by how their silent movie plays out in front of you here's another easy way to understand and test out watching a silent movie the next time you're sitting on your couch at home find a show you haven't watched before flip it on but then mute the sound romantic comedies are an excellent genre to test out often the plots are centered on hidden desires that reveal themselves over two hours play the game can you figure out the plot based on the action only you may already do this when a friend or family member calls you during a show you don't want to stop watching you mute the television you have a short chat all the while eyeballing your show most of the time when the call ends there's no need to rewind you just unmute and keep watching your show never feeling like you missed a beat alignment is the key in life winning is all about how well you interact with others trying to understand what's on someone's mind is a critical element for a positive outcome except as I've mentioned you can't always tell what people are thinking yes many people do tip their hand by talking too much but just as many people hide their thoughts by being tight-lipped in some cases they'll even lie to you what works well in Reading other people works well for you too alignment between your thoughts and actions is essential for Success even though balancing thoughts and actions can be a challenge for many people alignment occurs when your thoughts manifest themselves in the actions you take this is why the best of the best become impossibility thinkers and possibility achievers when you set high standards and take actions congruent with those standards that you thought about you'll enjoy success and Bliss as English philosopher and physician John Locke once said I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts with the seeds firmly planted in your brain it is much easier to act in a certain way if you are aligned I know positive thinkers who have won in life but I also know many skeptical and pessimistic thinkers who have succeeded in life as well I know some people with tremendous Vision who have won and people with an equally big Vision who have lost I also know some people with limited Vision who have succeeded I know big and aggressive thinkers who have won and others who are conservative and risk adverse who have won as well there is no single way of thinking that causes people to be successful but there is only one way of acting and behaving that can lead to extraordinary results become a one more impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever reflecting on Martin Luther King Jr and strength to love if you know anything about me you know I believe Martin Luther King Jr is one of the finest human beings who ever lived I Look to Him often with reverence and as a source of comfort and common sense I want to share this passage from his collection of sermons strength to love because of its profound impact on me and I hope it will have the same effect on you as well there is no finer way to sum up the ongoing challenge of what it means to be an impossibility thinker and possibility achiever than these words one of the greatest tragedies of life is that men seldom Bridge the gulf between practice and profession between doing and saying a persistent schizophrenia leaves so many of us tragically divided against ourselves on the one hand we proudly profess certain Sublime and Noble principles but on the other hand we sadly practice the very antithesis of these principles how often are our lives characterized by a high blood pressure of Creeds and an anemia of Deeds we talk eloquently about our commitment to the principles of Christianity and yet our lives are saturated with the practices of paganism we Proclaim our devotion to democracy but we sadly practice the very opposite of the democratic Creed we talk passionately about peace and at the same time we assiduously prepare for war we make our fervent pleas for the high road of justice and then we tread unflinchingly the low road of Injustice this strange dichotomy this agonizing Gulf between the ought and the is represents the tragic theme of man's Earthly pilgrimage chapter 12 one more habit your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones Benjamin Franklin show me your habits and I'll show you your life I can predict with a high degree of accuracy the results you're going to achieve based on your habits because the outcomes in your life are directly related to your habits your brain understands the importance of habits because it's an incredibly efficient organ the brain's DNA is hardwired to protect you by conserving mental energy whenever it can saving energy means that the reserves can be applied to other parts of your life where more brain power is needed what does that have to do with habits your brain is constantly trying to save energy this is an important point to understand because it directly relates to how to build and change habits and why you even have habits in the first place habits are a direct result of your brain subconsciously taking actions in a way to ensure that you'll use less energy to get a desired outcome with habits your brain already knows what you need to do and it switches into autopilot mode much like setting a car on cruise control to create maximum fuel efficiency think of how many times you've awakened in the morning and gone through your favorite routine of grooming getting dressed and eating breakfast if you have a set schedule there's a good chance that most days you sleepwalked through all these tasks before fully realizing you're awake and ready to start your day you know that jolt the first moment of morning Clarity and it rarely strikes you when you first wake up you got to that point in the day because your habits carried you through here's the kicker several Studies have shown that most of the actions you take are habits some people drink two cups of coffee by 8 am without fail other people eat lunch at precisely the same time every day golfers have an exacting routine when they swing a club and people who go to the gym often do so on the same days of the week and do the same workouts every time sometimes these habits are even more specific and more routine and we're even less aware of them for example most people either brush their teeth first or jump in the shower first to start their day it never varies how about you which do you do first and how often do you think about it let's take it a step further we'll talk more about triggers further down in this chapter but for now when you step into the shower the water is a trigger that starts a habit of what you do in the shower do you start by shampooing your head do you grab a bar of soap and lather up your face and then the rest of your body do you routinely stand and just let the water run down your back for a minute while you're relaxing or starting to plan your day I'll bet there's a grooming sequence you go through every day and you don't even think about it do you that's a prime example of how habits work when you get in your car to begin your work commute turning the car on is a trigger that starts the habit of how you'll drive to work you may adjust your mirrors buckle your seat belt turn on your car radio plug in a favorite podcast and check your fuel level before putting your car into drive and pulling away from your home your brain goes into habit mode because you've already driven to work so many times that your brain knows what to do with a lot less active thinking on your part that single trigger of starting your car initiates a habit that lasts for the duration of your commute to work saving you a lot of brain energy in the process countless types of activities are habits you don't think about them you just do them and many times those habits work out just fine for you but not always sometimes you develop bad habits and they don't end up serving you well when that happens if you want to change your life for the better pay close attention to your habits and make changes that align with what you want out of life be intentional about your habits Under Pressure you'll always move into a habitual mode in your brain habits are reflexive for example if you want to maintain a high level of Fitness but you're in the habit of only going to the gym twice a week and you sneak a lot of junk food into your diet you're not going to achieve that goal if you want a close-knit and happy family life do you schedule a date night once a week with your spouse or private time with your kids is there a recurring time in your home where you all gather as a family do you have the habit of eating at the dinner table together most nights those types of habits are what create a happy family life for you perhaps you want more peace in your life but you don't cultivate the habit of praying meditating or going to church how will you calm your mind if you don't do the things you need to put you in a state of grace or if you want to be a great leader but don't actively apply critical principles of leadership in your work and personal life you'll fall in those areas as well getting fired up about living your life well each day is important but nowhere near as important as having good habits Octavia Butler put it into perspective this way when she said forget inspiration a habit is more dependable habits will sustain you whether you're inspired or not contrary to what you believe and what you may have been told the biggest separator in life is not motivation or inspiration it is the habits you create to get you through those days when you don't really feel like doing the things you need to do to be successful what do you do when you're not feeling great or when it's not your best day how do you make progress on your projects and goals at those times its rituals and habits motivation and inspiration come and go but rituals and habits are constant creating positive and effective habits will change your life the good news is that this can take place with just a few simple steps there's no need to over complicate the process however before you can learn how to do this it's crucial to understand how habits are born why we rely on them so much and what happens inside of our brain when a habit kicks in the science of habits when you understand how habits are created and why your brain uses them to benefit you learning how to upgrade your habits makes more sense life would be so much easier if we lived in a relaxed State all day long instead often we live with varying degrees of pressure and stress this stress can be caused by anything such as paying bills hitting a pressure shot in a game if you're a basketball player having a disagreement with your spouse or attending an important meeting with your boss or a big client on the other hand you view these as normal parts of your life however in neurological terms your brain does not distinguish between these events and treats them as threats when we perceive threats our brain flips a switch moves out of thinking mode and goes into a reflex mode we react and revert to what we know as a form of protection and what we know are our habits in biological terms in response to a perceived threat your hypothalamus activates and prompts your adrenal glands to release hormones including adrenaline and cortisol adrenaline increases your heart rate raises your blood pressure and energy levels cortisol is the body's primary stress hormone and when it's activated it releases glucose into the bloodstream that triggers several bodily functions including alarm systems in the region of the brain that control mood motivation and fear also when stress hits you go into a habit mode if you don't have the right habits in place you'll sink into depression Despair and fear when this repeatedly happens over a long period it can lead to chronic anxiety heart disease sleep problems weight gain digestive problems and memory and concentration degradation among others by contrast when you engage in positive habits that result in good outcomes your body produces dopamine dopamine creates a sense of euphoria and this Euphoria dials your bodily systems back and conserves energy which is what your brain naturally tries to do as much as possible if your habits involve confidence passion resilience strength and peace you'll reflexively respond with those emotions when stress hits dopamine Pathways control the operation of the basal ganglia basal ganglia are located near the base or the bottom of the brain this cluster of nuclei has extensive roles in the brain including involvement in a variety of cognitive emotional and movement related functions here's how all this ties back to habits brains can change and adapt as a result of experience this is known as brain plasticity or neuroplasticity neurons are the building blocks of the brain and nervous system neuroplasticity means that they can be rewired develop new Pathways and create new connections when basal ganglia engage in neuroplasticity this is how new habits are created neuroplasticity is what allows you to learn new things enhance your cognitive capabilities recover from strokes and traumatic brain injuries and strengthen some brain functions you've lost or are in Decline now let's take this science and plug it into how you can develop one more new habit Trigger action prize as a one more thinker your goal is to create new habits that focus on releasing dopamine and minimize perceived threats that release adrenaline and cortisol keep in mind habits are directly related to your emotions that are controlled by your basal ganglia where emotions emanate whether you realize it or not these habitual emotions control you so when you reframe your emotions you also reframe habits because habits make up so much of your life you can make tremendous strides in all areas that you want to improve when you just adjust your way of thinking and develop positive habits creating new habits involves three steps the trigger the action and the prize the trigger the keys to creating new habits are intentional thought and repetition to develop these things the first thing you should do is make a list of the habits you'll need to reach a particular goal be specific and write them down for example if your goal involves Fitness what are the habits you need to develop what kind of exercise eating protein intake and hydration habits would you need to accomplish this goal then list the habits that don't serve you well related to the goals you want to achieve you can do this by starting with the emotions you gravitate to under times of stress do you get uptight angry fearful tense up or lose confidence those habitual emotions are going to dictate your actions as you do this ask yourself when I'm under stress will I achieve a better outcome if I'm filled with the negative emotions or more positive emotions such as calmness Equanimity and focus remember your brain is constantly trying to find ways to conserve energy it does this by minimizing the number of choices in your life and replacing them by hardwiring habits into your subconscious mind when your brain perceives an action impacting you it's triggered into a response your basal ganglia go to work to respond to this action whenever possible habits become the primary response to this trigger that's why it's important to have proper habits already programmed into your brain a positive habitual response is more likely to produce a dopamine release the action the action you take is your response to the heightened state of alert you're confronted with let's say you're a baseball player and you step into the batter's box your body automatically treats this as an important situation and recognizes you need to execute this task at a high level it can't distinguish between playing a game or trying to escape a house that's on fire it only understands that the external stimulus must be dealt with the best way your brain knows how to do it to the extent you've developed good habits as a batter the more confidence you'll have when you step into the batter's box and your brain and your body will react reflexively in baseball parlance you have a greater chance of being locked in giving you a higher probability you're going to hit the ball well let me give you an example of what I often do when I'm working with athletes to help them change their habits and performance when you're a competitor no matter what game you play you're likely to hit a slump sooner or later if you're a golfer you're missing easy putts if you're a basketball player you're having trouble making free throws if you're in sales maybe you've missed a dozen closes in a row what do you do you need to build a new habit how do you do that the first thing you need to do is build a new trigger when I work with hitters in baseball the first thing I'll do is have them change their trigger this means the first thing they do when they step into the batter's box is to change the trigger that puts them back into habit mode for example instead of tapping the plate once before they get ready to swing maybe they tap the plate three times perhaps I'll have them adjust their batting gloves a different way or take a different number of practice swings doing this triggers a new habit although these may appear small and inconsequential when you're intentional about doing them you move out of the Habit that was not serving you well and force your brain into a new thinking mode small adjustments are triggers that create new habits that can completely change a plate appearance also understand that hardwiring your brain to develop new Pathways requires repetition creating the right actions to produce better habits involves practice lots and lots of practice you can't expect to do something once and have it become a habit depending on what you want to do or change creating new habits can take several days up to several months to master that point was driven Home by Mark Twain who once said a habit cannot be tossed out the window it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time when you're patient and intentional in most cases you can develop a new habit in about 30 days but you can't be lazy about it you must work hard think about what you're doing and where you want to get to before your new habit will become a reality the prize this is the payoff when you create a new habit and use it to accomplish a goal you release dopamine this dopamine tells your brain you want to do it again the more dopamine your brain releases the greater intensity of your desire to repeat the action what does the prize look like the price could be as simple as celebrating When You Reach first base after a good plate appearance it could be as small as a high five walking out of a board room after closing a big sale sometimes the prize is the action itself it could be the home run the closed sale or the special look on your spouse's face across the table when you're out to dinner on a date night maybe it's quietly relaxing with a glass of wine at the end of a good day when you've accomplished a lot of things that were important to you when you reframe your trigger and change your actions your brain responds favorably because you've achieved greater alignment instead of battling your brain your brain rewards you you may be asking yourself is a prize important absolutely when you give yourself a prize you create an essential reinforcement for the trigger and the action you lock in the habit through the chemical reaction you create in your brain changing enough habits and getting more prizes is a part of a larger overall enhanced state of being each time you put one more new habit in place you'll be happier because you're more productive in advancing your life the way you were meant to do at the beginning of this chapter I told you that these steps would be simple and they are don't overthink how you go about developing one more habit create a new trigger execute a new action enjoy the prize because of the way your brain is hardwired you're going to constantly engage in your habits when you create the right habits you'll save energy and time neuroplasticity means that you can accomplish this hard wiring and create new habits in as little as 30 days the vast majority of the time examine your current emotions and intentionally look for ways you can create new habits also intentionally look for ways to eliminate habits that don't serve you well when you look for one more opportunities to create new habits you'll find a clear path to a more Blissful life perhaps most important of all one more habit could not only change your life that habit could also save your life eating healthy exercising regularly getting plenty of sleep enjoying your hobbies volunteering in your community and other similar habits are things that you should actively pursue I started this chapter by saying show me your habits and I'll show you your life I hope that statement makes more sense for you now our habits have consequences if we take control of our habits on a more consistent basis we'll have a higher measure of control over the results we achieve that's why it's essential as a one more thinker to understand the science of habits and the need to be intentional with our actions to positively alter the outcomes in our lives chapter 13 one more multiplier the whole is greater than the sum of its parts a guiding principle of Gestalt psychology how often do you come in contact with forces that transcend the tasks at hand forces that create results exceeding expectations you may sense you're a part of something special even if you can't put your finger on it for some reason the average transforms into something magical often it only takes adding one small thing for this to happen it can be subtle or it can be obvious producing a seismic shift that triggers a tsunami multiplier effect the Dynamics of Team chemistry change is natural at times you'll seek change and other times change will find you don't fear change when you accept your new reality the most amazing things can happen in a lab experiment there are control elements that don't change and there are variables introduced to create different sets of results the same old true for your interactions with others some parts of your life will have constants in it and other parts will change leading you in New Directions whether you're talking about business Sports families or other types of relationships this is the case adding or taking away variables and people changes the team chemistry of whatever you're involved with great team chemistry produces a multiplier effect bad team chemistry will burn your efforts down to the ground good team chemistry requires having the right pieces in the right places there are a few better examples than the 1980 men's Olympic hockey team dubbed the Miracle on Ice coach herb Brooks created a new definition for team Chemistry by assembling a roster that went on to beat the heavy favored Russians and ultimately won the gold medal the win was improbable to say the least I'm not looking for the best players I'm looking for the right players was one of the more memorable Lines uttered by Kurt Russell who played Brooks in the movie Miracle that followed a few years later everybody loves playing with a superstar on their team but if the high level of talent also brings disruption and upsets team chemistry then you should think long and hard about whether or not to add that piece to your team in the first place good team chemistry requires trust respect and loyalty to each other and your team while also pursuing your individual goals good team chemistry is all about dividing and conquering tasks and multiplying your Victory celebrations cooperation and sacrificing the self for the good of the whole means setting aside your ego for a bigger purpose there is strength in numbers and a common purpose Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verse 12 tells us and if one prevails against him two shall withstand him and a three-strand cord is not not quickly broken understanding team and individual weaknesses and then showing up to work on those weaknesses daily are also critical commitment to long-term success is essential Talon alone will not carry the day however when Talent combines with these other factors the resulting good team chemistry creates a one more multiplier effect to produce over-the-top results greatness attracts greatness let's keep things simple when a one more multiplier is in play one plus one equals three and your business or personal relationships when you attract the right person who compliments and elevates your natural state the sum of that partnership is greater than the sum of the individual Parts High Achievers and fully functioning human beings understand this and that's why they seek out like-minded people greatness can exist on its own it often does but smart people know the absolute best results don't happen when greatness exists in a one-person vacuum an optimal State happens when you challenge greatness it could be an opposing force or a force that aligns with a singular greater purpose the entire Foundation of marriage is built on alignment two become one but that one is a union that transcends the two people before they joined in matrimony how many times have you heard this he makes the players around him better those who are one more multiplier seek out worthy challenges and people who will propel them to the next level Michael Jordan was a stud on his own but when he joined forces with Scottie Pippen they formed the core of a basketball Juggernaut you know about Steve Jobs accomplishments at Apple You could argue he was destined for greatness anyway but you can't diminish the counterbalance of partnering with Steve Wozniak together they revolutionized personal Computing and built one of the most successful companies ever sometimes a one more multiplier reveals itself in a different way many people believe though one more piece of the Chicago Bulls dynasty was coach Phil Jackson the same can be said for Pat Riley as he led the Los Angeles Lakers to four titles during the showtime era don't underestimate a one more multiplier's ability to Be an Effective recruiter too high level Talent wants to work with and be challenged by other high-level Talent they enjoy the competitiveness and camaraderie of being around their equals they also understand how outsized results are possible when high level forces combine to create a unified vision his name is Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr you know him better as Tom Brady thousands of pages have already been written about him and there's not much I can add to his legendary successes what I can do is show you how even Tom Brady can go from a centerpiece on one team to a one more multiplier on another team in 2020 Tom Brady became the one more multiplier for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers with Brady at the helm the team went from a losing season the year before to winning a Super Bowl in 2021 you may have a hard time thinking of Tom Brady as the one more piece to anything he was the essence of the New England Patriots dynasty for 20 Seasons racking up 16 division titles and six Super Bowl wins still in football as it is in life everything has an expiration date most guys would hang up the cleats after a run like that but most guys are not Tom Brady against the backdrop of the covid-19 pandemic when America was desperate for Heroes Tom Brady became a one more Cinderella story he ensured his place in football history as the greatest player of all time Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers raised more than a few eyebrows when the team signed him to a two-year 50 million dollar deal the team had finished 2019 with a disappointing 7-9 record management felt they had an excellent Foundation to build on so signing Brady was a calculated risk that created immediacy to their efforts as it turns out they got a bargain Brady brought a warrior mentality that elevated teammates to play some of the best football of their entire careers their will to win completely changed with Brady added to the mix Brady became the ultimate one more multiplier as he has done throughout his career Brady also made it clear about what he expected out of his teammates he's been consistent in his belief that you can't go out and practice average on Wednesday average on Thursday okay on Friday and then expect to play well on Sunday the stage was set as multipliers often do he recruited a ton of talented skill players who wanted to play on a Tom Brady team lock in on this one more multipliers attract one more multipliers shortly after signing Brady the Bucks added Leonard fournette at running back they traded with the Patriots for Rob Gronkowski and they signed Antonio Brown as a free agent late in the season in the process the team turned things around and finished 11-5 in the regular season to me football is so much about mental toughness it's digging deep doing whatever you need to do to help a team win and that comes in a lot of shapes and forms said Brady earlier in his career and that's exactly what he did in the 2020 season it may not be the first thing that comes to mind but one of the ways to do whatever it takes is the ability of a one more multiplier to attract highly skilled Talent which is critical when building a championship team why was that so important in this case because other than Orion's suck up field goal Brady and those one more is responsible for every score in the Bucks 31-9 Super Bowl win here's how stunning Brady's accomplishment was he became the first pro athlete in any of the four major American Sports to win a championship with two different teams after turning 40. he also became the first player in NFL history to defeat three former Super Bowl MVPs in the same postseason beating the Saints Drew Brees the Packers Aaron Rodgers and the Chiefs Patrick Mahomes Brady bested them all Tom Brady sets the standard as a one more multiplier by bringing Equanimity and an unmatched work ethic smarts and an uncompromising expectation of others he's been quoted thousands of times throughout his career for my money the one quote that sums up who Tom Brady is and what he brings to his team is what he said when someone asked him which Super Bowl ring was his favorite Tom simply replied the next one adding the right kind of one more multiplier while undeniably talented it would be a complete waste to have two Peyton Mannings on one team Manning needed equally gifted wide receivers to catch his passes without skilled receivers like Marvin Harrison Manning's accomplishments would still be considerable but would they be legendary for his part Harrison didn't do too bad playing with Manning the eight-time pro bowler finished his career with more than 14 000 receiving yards his 1102 receptions are second only to Jerry Rice for the most all time of those 971 were catches from Manning together they own every single major quarterback to receive a record that includes the most touchdowns completions and yards adding the right kind of one more piece creates a multiplier effect that Synergy usually defines description two people or a team of several people in sync with their standards and goals often rise and defeat more talented teams that don't possess those same Dynamics working with one more multipliers the one more piece to a puzzle in business sports or any team Endeavor changes the energy level interactions and results at all levels there is a trickle-down effect when people buy into the leadership of one more multiplier brings to a team if you manage that team and add a one more multiplier you'll have greater success if you follow a few rules related to your multiplier educate them on the bigger picture one more is respect Clarity and can often contribute to areas outside of their primary responsibilities doing so also makes them better team players by default instead of only being interested in personal ego driven accomplishments give them a voice to contribute multipliers are natural leaders even if they are normally internalized and quiet as a rule their accomplishments draw others to them says Tom Peters leaders don't create followers they create more leaders when many pieces of the team take on leadership responsibilities it lightens the load for everyone teammates also respect one more multiplier they'll listen to a multiplier's input and trust their track record will produce continued positive outcomes create a framework of autonomy your one more will remain more engaged and productive when they're allowed to make decisions independently when possible don't micromanage them delegate when possible if the opportunity presents itself consider asking your star to Mentor others to develop both the star and the mentee remove obstacles and let them be the stars at what they do best do you have a super salesman who spends too much time tracking down paperwork and submitting mindless reports would you put your it Rockstar on a human resources policy committee do accountants make good marketers as a rule strategically place your one more multipliers into places where they'll be the happiest and most productive and then leave them alone challenge them to compete at a high level that doesn't always come from teammates often a coach will challenge a one more player to compete against themselves if your batting average was 300 last year what will it take to hit 325 this year if you made 2 million dollars in sales last year how can you get to 2.5 million dollars this year one more multipliers thrive on competition give them the tools they need and watch them go to work as a leader you need to be sure to check your ego at the door you must put the team's needs first and strategize how a multiplier can most effectively contribute and impact an overall effort be sure to listen for feedback recognize the difference between excuses and legitimate issues holding back your one more multiplier and your entire team most of all learn to let go at the right time and when to lead at the right time use timeouts emails and memos sales meetings we have to talk discussions and other communication efforts sparingly for maximum effect joining forces with a one more multiplier is a challenging and exciting proposition you don't get to sit back and be passive once you do multipliers won't tolerate it bring your best game you'll need it and I guarantee the effort will be worth it chapter 14 one more inconvenience the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at times of Challenge and controversy Dr Martin Luther King Jr here's a simple but compelling fact about the way the world Works convenience and greatness cannot coexist they are diametrically opposed forces if you can accept that many of the great things you want in life will be inconvenient from start to finish you're well on your way to becoming a one more thinker inconveniences are the challenges you must overcome to have a shot at accomplishing anything significant these inconveniences can be anything from getting up at 5am to make a 7 A.M meeting with your professor when you're working on your master's degree or running 75 miles a week to prep for your first marathon even though your feet are on fire because they're covered with blisters it could be going through four months of morning sickness before you give birth or putting in 60 hours a week to be the top salesperson for your company paying the price of inconvenience is no guarantee you'll succeed but if you don't inconvenience yourself and confront the difficult things in front of you you'll have no chance at ending up where you want to be in life embracing inconvenience is a way of life think about the most extraordinary things you've been blessed with in your life chances are they started as something inconvenient a championship you won adding 25 pounds of muscle while lowering your body fat by 50 earning a raise or a promotion at work you sacrifice some parts of your life to reach these goals even if you did so willingly those sacrifices came with some degree of inconvenience attached to them however on the other side of all these amazing accomplishments are the most exceptional memories events relationships and possessions in your life that's why as unusual as it may seem if you want a fulfilling and Blissful existence you must Embrace inconvenience as a way of life let me pose this question to you if you have a daily or weekly to-do list how do you attack the list often to make ourselves feel like we're accomplishing something we'll do the easy things first that's because doing easy stuff is usually recommended and in some cases celebrated celebrate if you want but all you're doing is celebrating being average and ordinary what if you started attacking your day by doing the most difficult and inconvenient things not first things first or feared things first start by doing difficult and inconvenient things first doing hard things builds character it separates you from the pack when you do hard challenging and inconvenient things you'll soon realize your biggest best and most amazing dreams are on the other side of the tallest Hills you must climb it's not the correct mindset to put pressure on yourself to do inconvenient things either you also need to enjoy them I guarantee you will be a much happier person in the end satisfaction and self-esteem come from accomplishing inconvenient tasks but instead of embracing the inconvenient most of us avoid it the unfortunate byproduct is that we never fully realize what we're capable of and who the best version of ourselves is the relationship between inconvenience and controversy when you decide to do something great with your life get ready you're going to be controversial controversy is inconvenient inconvenience Ruffles feathers going with the flow kicking back and chilling means you'll never take any heat you'll never be uncomfortable you'll never be inconvenienced but you'll also never do anything great either if you're a leader of any sort whether a CEO a captain of a team or even a leader of your family you must challenge those under you to do uncomfortable and inconvenient things as well it's the only way they'll achieve greatness too as a leader it's part of what you're charged with doing great leaders are often great mentors you Mentor people by getting them to become one more thinkers and do inconvenient things that will create personal and professional growth you must create a culture in your company your team or your family of doing unknown demanding and inconvenient things if you're diligent in this area the collective results will be stunning now take those short-term accomplishments and apply the variable of time think about the possibilities when you stack up one month one year or a decade's worth of doing inconvenient things when you can build a habit of doing inconvenient things in your life over time can you imagine how amazing your life will be the relationship between inconvenience and greatness your biggest dreams never materialize if you gravitate towards convenience convenience and your Optimum Health do not coexist your ideal relationship is never born out of convenience if you want to be wealthy the path to a bigger bank account will be incredibly challenging and by no means convenient when you live a life of convenience you're at odds of living a life of greatness if anything has come to you in a particularly easy way you may like the result but you will never savor it as much as something else you had to struggle and fight to achieve our minds are not only hardwired solely to seek comfort and convenience for many of us we're also hardwired to ease up on the gas when we think we've gotten to where we want to be with some part of our life we often tell ourselves we only want the best outcomes and we may even try to design a life that appears to point at a higher level but in reality we often create processes to avoid inconvenience and conflict when we do this we're steering ourselves towards a life that already exists to further justify our efforts we even enlist others to confirm we're on the right path those people often collude with us in our self-deception don't beat yourself up if it sounds like you it happens to a lot of people more often than not we also compare ourselves to others instead of drawing on our own values and capabilities mimicking others is an act of convenience when we become leaders of our own lives we don't copy anyone we recognize our journey is ours alone it's okay to draw on others as sources of inspiration and knowledge in fact it's essential however you must be mindful enough to know where to draw the line you must figure out how to cherry pick the right information and use it to your fullest advantage that's not to say you shouldn't make your life more convenient but you must understand the role convenience plays in achieving your highest level goals and setting your highest level standards it requires fighting your pre-existing habits of working towards convenience and replacing those with habits centered around results those results are the end product of thinking about what you value applying a standard that aligns with those values and producing an outcome that thrusts you forward to a remarkable and authentic life best-selling author Haruki murakami put it best when he said your work should be an act of love not a marriage of convenience if you're only interested in reaching a level of convenience you'll achieve a lot less than doing whatever it takes when you're committed to a higher level of greatness why you need inconvenience in your life if you're going through something challenging it may be a sign that you're on to something special it could be unique or even once in a lifetime understand there is a significant difference between inconvenience and problems Robert fulghum best-selling author of books like all I really need to know I learned in kindergarten explained it this way life is Lumpy and a lump in the oatmeal a lump in the throat and a lump in the breast are not the same lump one should learn the difference learn to recognize the difference between a problem and an inconvenience once you do that here's why you need that inconvenience in your life ask any multi-millionaire if getting wealthy was convenient they may enjoy the challenge but they'll also tell you it was one of the most inconvenient journeys of their lifetime if you think it's easy when you're alone at the office while everyone else is partying on a Friday night or you're bleeding money even though you're working your butt off to try to sow your dream to anybody who will listen or you're weary from the ongoing daunting task of turning over every stone looking for new clients and Prospects then you've never gone through the struggles and challenges it takes to be wealthy like I did for years upon years here's something else we can all relate to what do you think the response will be if you ask somebody how convenient it was to lose 50 75 or 100 or more pounds so many people stay fat for a reason we all know fat is uncomfortable but for many people losing weight is an uncomfortable challenge despite the obvious benefits do you think it's inconvenient to get up and go to the gym on those days when you're sore and your muscles ache because you never worked out that way way before how about prepping all your food in advance or fighting off cravings for food you love that is also bad for you fast food addictions don't always get the attention they deserve but many of us stand no chance against the speed convenience and taste Temptations a whopper or Big Mac offers even the simple Act of drinking a gallon of water a day when you're hooked on sodas is deceptively inconvenient the point is this inconvenience is a challenge inconvenience is not easy but in the long run convenience is a lot worse here's the other thing convenience never lasts if you don't put in the work sooner or later what you got will go away it could flat out be taken away your uninspired lackluster Behavior could cause you to drop the ball or fate will simply say enough and the powers of the universe will put you in a different set of circumstances rarely are those circumstances better one more thinkers do hard and inconvenient things because they understand what it means when they do them they attack inconvenient things with a sense of urgency life becomes more meaningful when you realize after you live a moment it's gone forever you can never get it back and wasted time is one of the biggest crimes you can commit against yourself seek inconvenient relationships you can't navigate this world alone in many ways the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships what do you look for in a relationship is it trust respect empathy honesty good relationships are built on many foundational pillars but I'll bet you never thought one of those pillars is inconvenience the fact is that friendships and loving relationships built on convenience are not quality relationships the best relationships are not about being by your side only when it's convenient it's about being there when it's not when you're in trouble when you need help those close to you will rally around you and be willing to sacrifice some part of their being even if it's inconvenient for them you might need money or a shoulder to cry on maybe your car broke down and you need a ride to and from work for a week it could be something as simple as just being a good listener recognize the difference between someone who takes time to talk with you when they have free time versus someone who frees up their time to talk to you see the difference over time relationships of convenience reveal themselves in many ways but it only takes a single act of revealing ourselves during times of inconvenience that matters the most good friends and lovers will tell inconvenient truths not to hurt you but to help you instead of getting angry be grateful treat truth like gold even when you are stung by it enduring a sacrifice when something doesn't directly impact you is inconvenient it is also the Hallmark of the type of people you want in your life sacrifice goes beyond convenience responding to another person's inconvenience builds bridges that can last a lifetime the same applies to your relationship with your God faith built on convenience is nothing more than a hollow faith you'll never enjoy a close and spiritual relationship with your God until you ask for help when it's not convenient seek relationships that can withstand the vigors of life and the inconveniences that both sides will need to help with overtime you want convenience that's best left to a visit to a fast food restaurant for a quarter pounder with cheese you want people in your life who are glad and willing to accept the consequences of inconvenience it's a direct reflection of their character and their level of respect for you tapping into the right kind of inconvenience ask yourself these questions what kind of Life do I want to lead who are the people I want in my life what are my standards for reaching the goals I have will you get the answers you want by living a convenient life I'll save you the trouble of having to think about it the answer is a big fat no when you have these answers you'll be well on your way to understanding how much and what kind of inconvenience you'll tolerate in your life how will you know if these answers are your Truth Or Not simple the best and most productive people in the world pursue inconvenient things and handle them with a temperament of equanimity Equanimity is the key when you can achieve mental calmness composure and control especially in a difficult situation you will know you have tapped into the right kind of inconvenience inconvenience is a direct corollary to the amount of commitment you have as a legendary motivator Ken Blanchard explains it there is a difference between interest and commitment when you're interested in doing something you only do it when it's convenient when you're committed to something you accept no excuses only results when you accept only results you are practicing a form of Equanimity because you will only accept one outcome distractions and a lesser level of performance are Stripped Away you are calm and composed because your path is clear Equanimity is essential when you're doing inconvenient things without it you'll eventually burn out you can't sustain inconvenient efforts and rise to another level unless you approach life with the right mental mindset although Equanimity is essential it can be too much of a good thing as well some people are really calm too calm they have a ton of equanimity in their lives but they never try anything difficult that creates a false sense of equanimity to be successful you must combine inconvenience and Equanimity Equanimity is a form of emotional control rooted in your thoughts inconvenient Deeds are based in your actions it's not easy I've struggled with this over the years I've been pretty good about doing difficult things but not always with the requisite Equanimity I've succeeded but with more chaos and stress than was necessary I'm not alone many mega Achievers do inconvenient things every day but they're not happy to those people I say this if you can't enjoy the beautiful bounties bestowed upon you with Equanimity you're not living your best life inconvenience is essential but you must make sure you practice it the right way to achieve the best possible results in your life chapter 15 one more and defining leadership if you want to lift yourself up lift up someone else Booker T Washington the concept of leadership is as old as civilization itself and I doubt there's a personal development topic that's been studied or written about more so what does it mean to be a one more leader as I Define it you are a one more leader if you help people do things they would not otherwise accomplish without your presence if you can't do that as a leader there's no need for you whether you realize it or not you're already a leader at a minimum you lead yourself you may also lead your family employees teammates when you practice your religious Doctrine and several other ways for our purpose the question then becomes how can I use the concept of one more to become better at leading others there are those that make the case that people are born leaders that may be so but I also firmly believe that leadership is a learned trait everyone has it within themselves to Be an Effective leader if they decide to work at it to do this start by taking a closer look at what the elements of leadership are the elements of leadership I've had the honor of being a leader in my family on sports teams for multiple businesses and in several other capacities in my life what I'm about to share are Universal leadership elements that transcend who you are or where you're at in your life whether you're an athlete a coach a parent or a business leader these elements include selling a big dream everyone is born with unique gifts and six basic needs drive us selling a big dream as a leader it's critical for you to sell a big dream let me illustrate this powerful point you need to sell a big enough dream so that the dreams of everyone you lead can fit inside the one you're selling for example if your Clemson football coach Dabo Sweeney you might sell the idea that not only does everyone fit inside the dream the dream could also be historic one that will be remembered for ages this could mean going undefeated having a record number of players drafted in the NFL or setting other performance marks that have never been achieved before giving people a sense they are involved in something historic is a key step in how you build a culture that culture means that each individual player and everyone connected to the team is involved in a bigger dream a dream much bigger than they can imagine on their own another critical element is that when you work with the people you lead help them understand that by making history they are also making a difference in their lives and many other lives as well think bigger dare to challenge yourself to make history talk bigger sell others on the idea that the big dream makes a difference act bigger do the hard work involved with selling the dream and let people see you doing it are you catching this leadership is about executing small things very well but thinking and talking about big things repetitiously your number one priority is to sell a big dream and probably bigger than the one you're thinking about now it must be all-encompassing as a parent you must sell a big enough dream so that your spouse and children can see themselves fitting inside the dream you're selling if you lead a church your dream must be big enough so that all members of the congregation can fit their dreams and aspirations inside of it as a business leader the dream must be big enough so that every employee can also see themselves inside of that dream if you run a large Manufacturing Company you need to sell a big enough dream so you can meet the needs of your customers because you can satisfy the dreams of everyone you lead in that company there are too few leaders in the world today who sell a big enough dream you show me any great leader and I'll show you a leader who is selling a dream that captures the hearts desires and emotions of everyone they lead that dream you're selling as a family leader or a business leader should Encompass your values and your vision a dream is what you stand for your vision of the future and the difference you're going to make in the world why is that so important as a leader you're in a different place than everyone else as a leader by definition you're out in front you have a different Viewpoint and perspective than the people standing behind you your job is to tell those people what you see tell those people how amazing it's going to be and keep telling them over and over again it's your obligation as a leader by position alone to effectively do this from their position they can't see it as you can so you must get them to see it from your position here's another critical point everybody you lead does not have to believe what you're saying isn't that crazy they only need to believe that you believe what you're saying too many leader constantly try to get people to believe what they are saying that comes across as desperate and weak great leaders only need to get others to believe that they believe what they're saying this is a form of evangelism that I'm going to touch on later everyone is born with unique gifts each person is born with individual talents and Geniuses I call these unique gifts some of these you're born with and some you develop as a leader if you identify these unique gifts and people you can lead them in a way nobody else can you separate yourself as a leader when you're able to do this these gifts can be humor intellect resiliency Faith or kindness someone you lead may be blessed with mental toughness honesty ambition creativity generosity loyalty Etc the different kinds of unique gifts are Limitless this ability to identify these gifts and then link them to the dream you're selling is critical in your effort to lead people under you the other thing I've discovered is that for the most part no one has ever pointed these unique gifts out to them typically people have an innate sense of their unique gifts but in many cases they are underutilized because there's been no concerted effort on how to best apply them most people never meet a real leader in their life and as a result they never fulfill their true potential by tapping into these gifts to fulfill a person's potential identify what their gifts are and then apply those gifts to the cause that stirs their hearts that's your job as a leader by validating these unique gifts what a person is suspected about themselves now becomes their truth they're filled with more confidence and armed with an understanding of how they fit into an overall game plan as a result they'll create more value for the dream and accomplish more than they ever thought possible on their own six basic needs drive us consider the words of my friend Tony Robbins the more you understand what somebody wants needs and fears the more you can figure out how to add value Tony and I are among many who subscribe to the idea that there are six basic human needs they are certainty uncertainty and variety significance love and connection growth and contribution these are typically discussed in terms of finding your level of happiness but I want to put them in the context of how you leverage these six basic needs when you lead others your goal is also to figure out how to meet these needs for the people you lead ideally everyone wants all six of these basic needs met all the time in reality most people tend to focus on two or three that are important to them at a particular time let's look at each of these needs certainty people who want certainty in their lives need to be reassured you can provide them with a stable environment they value safety and an ongoing routine they fear change and often equate it with some kind of uncomfortable intimidating process or pain suppose you're going to lead somebody when their primary basic need is certainty in that case you're going to speak to them differently than you would with somebody who places more value on other basic needs such as significance imagine you're able to cast a big dream identify this person's gifts and then determine what their most basic needs are can you imagine how productive and happy this person is going to be when they value certainty and that's what you give them uncertainty and variety those who thrive on uncertainty and variety are stimulated by the unknown and change they fear getting stuck in a rut or doing the same thing every day they want new exciting and different tasks as often as possible when leading these people you need to promote the dream identify these people's gifts and then put them in positions that give them the type of variety they want significance when people seek significance they want to know their efforts are valued and important they want recognition and often this is more important to them than money they enjoy the spotlight and they'll work hard if they know a high profile reward is attached to their efforts if you're going to lead people who are significance driven you need to flood them with recognition at every possible opportunity for example if you coach a team it's on you to create a culture that promotes significance for the players if you're a parent it's incumbent upon you to make sure you praise your children who value significance and recognition suppose you're a business leader and you have people in your organization who are competitive and results driven in that case it's up to you to create a framework that links those people's gifts with their primary needs for recognition love and connection love is the strongest of all emotions there is a universal need among everyone to feel a connection and closeness to another person or cause the greatest poetry and music ever created are about love Wars have been fought for the love of country and if you ever doubt the power and universality of Love look no further than to a mother or Father's Love for their children people who are driven by love and connection want to belong to a cause bigger than they are whether you're in business coaching a team or in any other situation where you're leading a group of people with many love-driven members you need to communicate that they are a part of a family you need to make these people feel that they are accepted cared for and loved let these people know this often imagine leading one or more people who are driven by love and dropping messages of significance or variety on them those may be great messages but you're applying them to the wrong people also don't make messages about your needs this applies in all cases but as an example if you value things such as certainty or significance you should not be sending out those kinds of messages if the people you lead value love strongly as a leader your messages need to be targeted to the people you lead growth others place a high value on growing their minds skills and experiences you need to meet this need by placing challenges in front of these people and giving them the sense they're growing as part of your organization this energizes them they get excited when you ask them to solve problems of increasing magnitude and complexity if you're a coach you need to let your players know they're improving their skills as a business leader when you're leading someone who values growth you need to let them know they're growing due to all the hard work they're putting in and related to the dream and vision you created for them contribution others are driven by the need to contribute some people feel they're at their best when they help others through their service or expertise to support a cause or a goal these people are not driven by significance of recognition they may not care one way or the other about certainty or uncertainty to feel valued and fulfilled they need to know they are contributing and making a difference you need to message these kinds of things regularly basic needs can change over time as a great leader also understand that each person's needs can change over time when I was younger to get the most out of me you needed to link competition recognition and growth to what I needed to do throughout my adult life I've also been fulfilled by a lot of significance and recognition I've also been blessed with a lot of certainty variety and love however over time my needs have evolved and now if you're leading me you need to connect me with the primary need of contribution that wasn't the case 15 years ago if you wanted to convince me to come speak to your group do you know how you would sew me on doing it you would have to tell me there were going to be thousands of people who are going to love me cheer clap and jump up and down and tell me what an amazing job I did when I was done because I was very significance and recognition oriented now if you use those reasons as a way to try and convince me to come speak to your group that wouldn't stimulate me and I would probably turn you down but if you contact me and tell me that if I speak to your group that it would make a huge difference in those people's lives change the direction of your company and make huge contribution then you will hook me do you see the difference of how a different message at a different time would get me to act my primary basic need now is contribution it's the reason I'm writing this book I'm not writing this book so millions of people acknowledge my work although that would be nice I'm writing this book because I think it will help change millions of people's lives I want to help people by helping them meet their most important basic needs by doing so I'm meeting my own important basic need as well to become a great leader you must look less at who you are and more at the people you're leading they're the ones you're asking to produce results on your mission's behalf when they're effective because their needs are met your needs are being met by default everyone in the group benefits this is true whether you're a parent a coach of a sports team a small business owner or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company validate your leadership by setting an example I want you to remember this most things in life are caught not taught most people will learn a lot more in life by watching what you do rather than by what they do when you simply try to teach them holding yourself to a higher standard is essential when you lead people if what you ask other people to do isn't consistent with what you ask of yourself the people you lead will quickly recognize this and you have undermined your own efforts your leadership example starts by consistently reinforcing the big dream and making sure everyone knows they're a part of that dream also take time to figure out what each person's unique gifts are and demonstrate a willingness to make sure other people's basic needs are met more specifically always do one more show up one hour earlier than everyone else in the office make one more business contact than everybody else put in one more level of preparation for presentations and meetings remember all eyes are on you setting a poor example Dooms you and your dream to failure if you're having trouble becoming an effective leader the first place you should look for improvement is that yourself you can't ask others to perform at a high level if you can't first ask it of yourself now that we've defined what leadership is let's take a look at how we can put these elements into action chapter 16 one more in my 11 leadership principles the test of an organization is not genius it is its capacity to make Common People achieve uncommon performance Peter F Drucker I've defined the elements of leadership and what it takes to be a one more leader to put those elements into practice I follow several key leadership principles by practicing these principles I produce significant results for myself over the years you may benefit by incorporating them into your leadership style as well keep in mind because leadership is often a lifelong learning process this list is dynamic as I continue to grow I add and subtract to this list from time to time here are the 11 leadership principles I currently practice number one become an evangelist according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary one of the definitions of evangelist is someone who talks about something with great enthusiasm the best leaders enroll others in their cause they're evangelist for their dreams much Like a Shepherd guiding A Flock a great leader is concerned with evangelism in the form of Fellowship discipleship and service I've had the privilege of getting to know Steve Wozniak one of the founders of Apple because I was curious I asked him about what Steve Jobs gifts were what was it that made him great I expected to hear that he was hard-working resilient or incredibly intellectually bright but that's not what he told me he told me Steve Jobs had an amazing ability to sell the dream that he was Evangelical about Apple's cause and that evangelism was infectious throughout the company evangelism is the transference of the dreams you're selling to those you lead so that you can project infectious energy into the rest of the world leading through Fellowship strengthens the bond between you your employees customers or family members discipleship means you can effectively pass along your beliefs as a leader to those under you service and Leadership is about meeting the basic needs of those under you this means recognizing your employees for a job well done or loving your family members regularly 2. listen and observe it's impossible to be a great leader unless you look at the circumstances and people you lead this ability to listen and observe helps you identify the gifts and talents of the people around you this can't be done in a void or a haphazard way you must be intentional and pay Focus to even the smallest details never think of absorbing these details as an obligation think of it as an investment as a leader if you can't slow down long enough and take an extra couple of minutes to get into the specifics of the people you lead then you're leaving a big pile of untapped opportunities and potential sitting on the table it's one thing to look at a person's resume or see how they conduct themselves in an interview it's quite another to look Beyond formal measurements to fully understand a person's unique gifts if you're the head coach of a football team part of what you must do is look at a player's stats to see what they can accomplish on the field however you also need to fully understand what kind of a presence they are in the locker room are they a positive force who lifts other players up do they go all all out during every practice do they stay late and work hard to improve parts of the game that need more work actions speak volumes about the people you want on your team and how you're going to lead them three wise leaders build other leaders wise leaders do not hoard leadership opportunities instead they actively look to grow and develop other leaders the number one job of a leader is to develop new leaders some leaders are intimidated by developing other leaders around them they're threatened and prefer to keep power in their own hands they fail to realize that when they build leaders they lighten their load create loyalty and make the overall team stronger think about a parent who teaches their teenager to drive when the child gets their license they have taken a huge step forward in personal growth now they have more freedom more choices and can help the entire family by running errands to the grocery store or taking younger siblings to practices or games as a result the teen is happier more independent and confident when taking on more significant challenges the family Dynamic has been reshaped and parents are now free to reclaim their time to do other productive and enjoyable things this is also applicable to business in fact one of the key job satisfaction metrics often cited by employees is the chance to advance and accompany as a part of a larger career path death talented employees often leave for greener pastures when they feel like they've stalled out or aren't given a chance to take a more active role as a leader in a company teams are no different you show me any great team and I'll show you one that is led by great players and great coaches think of all the Championships that LeBron James or Michael Jordan won as players of course coaches were critical to their success but it was their player-led leadership that spelled the difference between winning championships or not four love believe in care and show people how to live better I learned many of the leadership principles I used today from a bunch of eight to ten-year-old boys shortly after college I was blessed with the opportunity to work at McKinley Home For Boys as a youth counselor little did I know that when I first walked into Cottage 8 my entire world would change at that time McKinley was a group home for orphaned or molested boys with parents who were incarcerated or had no other adult who would care for them for various reasons from my first day I found myself in a position where all those boys wanted from me was to love them believe in them care about them and show them how to live better and frankly I didn't feel qualified to do it at the time just like me many of you probably don't feel qualified right now to be a leader when you feel this way draw upon this thought I often reference God doesn't call the qualified he qualifies the called at McKinley I didn't feel qualified but I did understand that I was called to be there since that time one of the secrets to life I've learned is that every person of every age wants the same things as those boys if you're a senior executive when a 35 year old executive walks into your office the main thing he or she wants from you as a leader is to love care believe and show him or her how to live better if you're going to be a great leader your success is directly connected to these things when you can incorporate them you'll get people to do what they otherwise would not do without your presence so often we miss opportunities to make a difference this way my time at McKinley taught me you can make a difference as a leader anytime and anywhere even the smallest acts of encouragement and kindness can make a huge difference in the lives of the people around you this is the ultimate definition of leadership five repetition repetition repetition leadership is not about saying new things to old people it's about saying old things to new people too often as a leader we try too hard to come up with new things to say to our team the fact is that great leaders are willing to repeat themselves over and over again I call this suffering from leadership fatigue because you get tired of hearing yourself say the same things time and time again but the truth is you need to overcome this fatigue because it's your ability to say the same things repeatedly that creates a culture in your organization you must constantly reinforce your messages and so your dream to others so they fully understand your mission as a leader this also reinforces the basic need for certainty in many people your messages must be simple so that everyone can clearly understand them treat these messages and the number of times you repeat them like a crusade all successful entrepreneurs are this way when you meet them you know exactly what they're about their reputation precedes them this is the way they build a successful brand they create existing positive ideas about who they are and what they stand for through ongoing repetition that's memorable and easy to understand in all cases whatever Outlets you use should be consistent in this repetition as a business person you're marketing social media sales materials emails and every other piece of Outreach should reinforce your mission if you want to undermine your efforts put out confusing and conflicting messages and see how successful you are effective parenting also requires repetition you must constantly express your values beliefs and expectations to your children don't assume you can say something once and a child will take it in and remember it as a leader get to a place where every person you lead can infectiously repeat your message back to you that makes the people you lead your most significant Assets in pursuit of your dreams 6. be generous with recognition constantly look for ways to recognize people if you're going to build a great organization it needs to be predicated on competition and recognizing achievements all great organizations are competitive they Foster that mindset and acknowledge accomplishments recognition is critical recognizing people for being one more thinkers and doers is a great form of leadership conversely if you're not creating an environment where competition and recognition are important you miss out on maximizing potential in business family or Sports effective leaders are great at acknowledging and recognizing people this leadership principle is so easy to implement but it's also overlooked way too often that shouldn't be the case remember as a basic human need people thrive on recognition to feel significant I've discovered that while people often equate recognition with significance what they really want is love after all in many people's minds recognize ignition is a form of love remember when we were kids and our parents recognized our efforts when we brought home an A on a test or hit a home run in a ball game our need for recognition was a way for us to hope our parents would acknowledge they loved us even more as adults we never lose this basic human need it's hardwired into our DNA that's why everyone you meet wants to be loved cared for believed in and have you show them how to do better as a leader people look up to you what you say matters your words are oversized and what may seem like a small offhand comment to you can mean all the difference in the world to the people under you always find a way to be encouraging find ways to praise publicly and privately there's something incredibly powerful about lifting a person up in front of their peers there's also an incredible but different kind of power that comes from recognizing someone with a one-on-one personal and sincere thank you as a leader also be creative with your recognition not all of it needs to be based on Pure Performance some of that recognition can be based on executing core principles you can also acknowledge people who do the small things like showing up early or showing up to work every day over the course of a Year Awards plaques and all manners of verbal or written acknowledgments are highly effective ways of recognizing someone I like to write personal letters to the children of the mothers and fathers of people who work for me letting them know how amazing their parents are this is a form of recognition that almost nobody utilizes I'm constantly trying to find unique and innovative ways to recognize the people I lead it's important to create this kind of culture remember one of the six basic needs is significance see chapter 15 and a key element of that is recognition another basic need is love and when you give people recognition it extends a form of love to them 7. have a cause Crusade and a mission show me any great organization and I'll show you one that is cause and Mission driven these places are single-minded and ferociously focused on their end game as a leader when you create a mission and convince people to buy into it this is another form of meeting a basic human need in this case that need is contribution it's also a huge element of being Evangelical when people are asked to Rally around a cause bigger than themselves a mission has two components one what are we for you must Define what you believe in and then inspire people to Rally around this Crusade what is our mission statement and our core values what are the elements we believe in and how do they contribute to us creating a great place to be two what are we against a mission has to have an enemy there needs to be something you're against for example if you lead a food bank then you're against hunger if you own a gym your enemy could be obesity think of it like being part of a sports rivalry like the Red Sox and Yankees or the Lakers and the Celtics obviously if you're for one team then it's a safe bet you're against the other it's one thing to win a championship but it goes to the next level when you're playing against your rival the best enemies are usually something you're trying to eradicate or change as a director of a women's shelter you're working to end domestic abuse if you own a wealth management company you could be trying to change how people invest money or eliminate bad financial decisions the stronger or more emotionally driven you make both components the easier it is to lead those who buy into them also like a leader for any great Crusade you must make it a point to stand in front of your troops and lead them you must be willing to take the hits be visible and vocal that you're willing to Shield those under you from criticism or people who want to harm or undermine your efforts the perks of leadership fall upon you the most and so should the burdens as well 8. be authentic and humble if you're a liar or a phony the people you lead may not say it but they'll know when it comes to leadership telling the truth is everything people will accept that you're not perfect however they won't accept that you're not honest when you make a mistake don't try to hide it acknowledge it you'd be surprised at how much you endear yourself to people when you simply say I made a mistake I'm sorry and I'll do better next time when you can be truthful about your own performance you can also be truthful about other people's performance when you're not authentic about yourself it's very difficult to create an environment of openness similarly when people under you make a mistake if there's no malice attached practice compassion because nobody gets things right all the time 9. create a culture people are drawn to an overall environment they want a culture where a mission goals and expectations are clearly defined a well-designed culture takes into account all six of the basic needs and how to meet them culture creates certainty love and growth recognition and a sense of contribution build morale and a sense of purpose culture is critical because it creates a place where everyone executes their unique Geniuses in the present and everyone also stays focused on the future at the same time a healthy culture also values transparency questions are embraced not feared the best companies create cultures because leaders know this allows them to recruit the best employees talented employees gravitate to businesses with outstanding cultures because they know tools and resources are in place to help them flourish without negativity or distractions 10. give people the resources they need to be successful there's nothing worse in life than going into a battle with a nagging feeling you don't have enough of what you need to win that battle as a leader it's up to you to properly equip your troops so they feel confident about the challenges you're asking them to tackle if they must worry about what they don't have you put them at a distinct disadvantage properly giving your people the resources they need is the battle you must fight before you ask them to do their part on your behalf this is not a one-time deal it needs to be a part of your culture it needs to be a constant process resources are not only about training coaching supplies equipment tools and an ample budget you must also work hard at meeting people's basic human needs when you understand that some employees need certainty recognition or growth opportunities and you take steps to meet those needs you are giving your people important resources as well also ask yourself what resources You Need to Be an Effective leader as a CEO a parent a coach or in any other capacity you need to make sure not to neglect your own resources and basic Q human needs you'll undermine your own Effectiveness when you're not able to operate at a peak capacity too 11. build a movement many of you listening to this book want to be more than great leaders you want to build a movement you want to create a massive change on a large scale as a reminder people don't always have to believe what you're saying they only have to believe that you believe what you're saying however you need to be persistent repetitious and Evangelical in your efforts building a movement is a massive and ambitious undertaking strong leaders must allow people to see themselves inside the dream recognize each person's unique gifts meet people's basic needs and set an inspirational example to have a chance at a favorable outcome building a movement takes time but that movement will come toppling down like a house of sticks in a hurricane if you don't start by building a solid foundation and use the best available resources at your disposal being a one more leader is not easy but when you learn how to apply these leadership principles over time you can not only Propel your life to the highest level possible you can also Elevate the lives of others that you lead as well chapter 17. one more degree of equanimity between stimulus and response there is space in that space is our power to choose our response in our response lies our growth and our freedom Victor E Frankel neurologists psychiatrist Holocaust Survivor to lead a blissful life you must seek Equanimity in basic terms Equanimity is achieving Serenity and mental calmness in a world filled with stressors but it's much more than that Equanimity is the quiet glue that underpins a lot of the other ideas in this book to reach the highest level of these strategies you must do so with an advanced degree of equanimity I am a strong proponent of equanimity and I think you should be too the essence of equanimity Equanimity originates from the Latin word equinimitas having an even mind it is the result of combining Equus even and animus mind and soul searching for an even mind and soul is an elusive virtue people spend lifetimes in search of equanimity me included I've struggled to find calmness throughout my life for me finding Equanimity is easier in low stress situations however it's a lot more valuable when I can summon it under duress by better understanding what Equanimity is and putting it into practice my path to success take less time and are more frequent and substantial start with this fact we can't control the vast majority of what goes on in our lives we can dream set standards and goals and adjust our thinking and actions in a dozen different ways what we can't do is control outcomes despite our best efforts for many people the natural response is Disappointment frustration Despair and anger nobody is immune from those feelings at one time or another but what if you could raise your awareness about other ways to condition your brain and your response to outside forces and outcomes what if you didn't let setbacks negatively impact you what if you Rose above bad outcomes to a positive and rational mental state impervious to those setbacks this is the essence of equanimity when faced with a difficult situation such as a stressful phone call a poor meeting a financial setback or a relationship challenge the highest Achievers can find Equanimity when others can't why do some Elite performers rise to an even higher level in crunch time While others Wilt Equanimity is the invisible separator between soup super Elite performers and those who are average and ordinary think of it this way a lot of pitchers have an easier time striking out batters in the first inning with nobody on base versus facing a home run hitter with The Bases Loaded in the ninth golfers can sink putts all round long on a Thursday of a tournament but how many can use Equanimity to sink a 20-footer on the 18th hole on Sunday to win by a stroke if you're having a rough patch in your relationship can you use Equanimity to say the right thing that will bring the heat down instead of the wrong thing that will have you pack in your bags 10 seconds later everyone can find degrees of equanimity most of the time one of the things that separates them from high Achievers is that high Achievers can find Equanimity when they need it the most Equanimity is one of the world's oldest philosophies and its elements are present in many religions in Christianity we often look to each other and say peace be with you or the Peace of Christ be with you there are countless examples in the Bible the Lord shall fight for you and ye shall hold your peace Exodus chapter 14 verse 14. peace I leave with you my peace I give to you not as the world gives do as I give to you let not your heart be troubled nor Let It Be fearful John Chapter 14 verse 27 but the meek shall inherit the earth and shall Delight themselves in the abundance of peace Psalm 37 verse 11. Equanimity is also woven into several eastern Indian religions for example Hinduism asks Believers to abandon all attachments to success or failure elements of yoga teach that Equanimity is attainable through regular meditation and mental disciplines that clear the mind and bring it closer to a healthy balance Judaism places importance on Equanimity as a necessary foundation for spiritual and moral development the guadama Buddha a widely followed 5th Century BC philosopher and spiritual teacher described a mind filled with Equanimity as abundant exalted immeasurable without hostility and without ill will a few hundred years after his death he simply became known as Buddha which means awakened one or enlightened one his teachings regarding Buddhism have been widely circulated as the philosophy's foundational beliefs the Islamic religion has close ties to Equanimity as well the word Islam comes from the Arabic word aslama which denotes the peace that comes from Total surrender and acceptance Muslims trace this to God's ultimate wisdom and many take it to mean that being a Muslim is aligned with being in a state of equanimity Equanimity as a spiritual philosophy is one of Humanity's deep-seated pillars it is a spiritual belief that has been taught and praised for centuries before delving deeper into their individual elements of equanimity it's necessary to recognize how it has been woven into society for millennia the elements of equanimity it's one thing to say that you should aim for one more level of equanimity it's quite another to understand how you should get there like any challenge begin by breaking a big concept like Equanimity into smaller parts that will add Clarity and simplicity and make it easier to accept Equanimity in its entirety as you study Equanimity and how it relates to your beliefs and religion some elements may or may not resonate with you I'm going to give you some overarching principles but it's up to you to decide how best to approach your version of equanimity in a way that makes the most sense to you here are several key points to consider Equanimity is about finding Serenity as you battle the challenges in your life you're going to get tossed about that's life and there's no hiding from it while we can't control outside forces we can be mindful of how we think and react to them this awareness lets us quiet our minds Serenity is about accepting there are some things we simply can't change finding Serenity requires practice meditation towards Equanimity requires you consciously release preferences for or against all things your Acts are guided more by your values and virtues instead of your desires that are reactions to positive or negative feelings Equanimity is about recognizing impermanence no matter what is happening in your life right now it won't last forever life is all about change and impermanence when you recognize this you understand that good times and bad will pass through your life clinging to the good or the bad could only lead to pain it's easy to understand how hanging on to the bad creates pain but recognize that when you hang on to the good it can also be a source of pain when it leaves Equanimity is about doing away with permanence and the pain associated with it Equanimity creates a space of awareness and lets every piece of stimulation come and go thoughts are just thoughts sounds are only sounds people are just being themselves and events are only events Equanimity reminds us of our insignificance we often Place way too much focus on ourselves when we're able to come to grips that were only one small part of the vast Human Condition it Liber operates us from the pressures we place on ourselves our fears shrink when we put them into perspective we don't run from pain or avoid blame or loss with such Vigor we accept our state and work towards balance in our lives with added calmness Equanimity is about letting go if a challenger setback in your life is heavy set it down Let It Go learn how to detach from negative beliefs resentment pain and hurt one of the four noble truths proclaimed by Buddha is that attachment is the origin of suffering the attachment to desire or the attachment to desire not to have something both create anxiety and fear letting go of both and accepting what comes into your life good and bad release us from a prison of our thoughts ajan cha 20th century Thai Buddhist monk summarized it well when he said if you let go a little you will have a little peace if you let go a lot you will have a lot of Peace if you let go completely you will have complete peace Equanimity Embraces change instead of getting stuck in the status quo recognize that your future lies in The Winds of Change acceptance of change which is inevitable brings about peace fighting change is a waste of time these Concepts only scratch the surface of what Equanimity is if you're interested I strongly encourage you to dig deeper there are whole libraries on Equanimity and how it is a fixture in so many cultures and religions the more you know about Equanimity the greater your potential for one more level of equanimity in your life as part of our further exploration looking at eight worldly wins is an excellent place to start the eight worldly winds Buddhism has identified four sets of opposing states that exist in our lives they are called the eight worldly winds sometimes known as the eight worldly dharmas they appear with various labels but are generally accepted as Pleasure and Pain praise and blame gain and loss Fame and disgrace the goal of equanimity is to lessen the effects these winds have on your mind that occur to one extent or the other every day examples of the eight worldly wins might be we fall madly in love only to find out our lover has cheated on us our success can be exciting but it could also lead us to arrogance we get a big promotion at work only to have the company declare bankruptcy six months later we root hard for a sports hero or a famous musician and then discover they have a severe drug problem a criminal past or they unexpectedly pass away such as Kobe Bryant did we must balance good and bad so that while we recognize the good news we also understand it isn't permanent we accept that the world will balance things over time in this way we neither need to get too high or too low when we react to these events this isn't to say we shouldn't feel Joy or happiness when something good happens we just need to put it into perspective Equanimity allows us to do that without Equanimity as a governor going back and forth is exhausting the goal is complete mental calmness sometimes we can reach that state but since the pursuit of equanimity is a lifelong Venture we must refine our approach and course correct as we go along all eight worldly wins are teachers from a spiritual point of view we need all Aid in our lives without one half of the pair the other ceases to exist or carries no meaning however too much preoccupation with the eight worldly wins is considered a barrier to Equanimity being too caught up in them creates emotional instability Equanimity attempts to steer a course down the middle of each of these pairs it does not entirely fall in line with one side or the other Equanimity accepts the reality of each wind without following it the realization is that winds are not permanent and when they change it's easier to respond with more flexibility all of this philosophy is well and good however you must decide what your relationship is with Equanimity now and in the future your relationship with Equanimity when it comes to Equanimity people generally fall into one of four categories aggressive and with Equanimity aggressive and lacking Equanimity passive with Equanimity passive and lacking Equanimity of these there's only one ideal State you should Target aggressive and with Equanimity if your passive Equanimity won't help you much other than to be a nagging part of your brain that reminds you that you're too laid back and calm to accomplish anything significant in your life you must bring a certain level of tenacity to your life you don't have to turn the dial up to 10 at all times but you must lead a life where you get stuff done I mentioned at the beginning of this chapter that I haven't always approached life with enough Equanimity I admit that I was such a hard charger that I threw my life out of balance and I didn't even know it at the time sure I got stuff done I made a lot of money but I paid a higher price than I needed by not practicing Equanimity for many years the journey to Equanimity does not happen overnight as I learned it requires years of being Mindful and intentional in your thoughts and actions one more thinkers also understand Equanimity is not permanent it's fleeting and will come and go as various challenges occur in your life you will move between degrees of equanimity from day to day and moment to moment my goal is to make sure you don't go through life without enough Equanimity as I did find peace and mental calmness as soon as you can your relationship with Equanimity is the force that makes many other good things possible in life chapter 18. one more prayer the first gulp from the glass of Natural Sciences will make you an atheist but at the bottom of the glass God is waiting Warner Heisenberg can you see faith can you touch taste or smell it of course not but for eons faith has remained the single most dominant and driving force in Man's Search for Spiritual peace and truth I know that faith is a highly personal choice for everyone I respect people of all faiths and the freedom to pursue that faith in whatever way brings the most meaning to each of you in your own lives having said that I wouldn't be writing a book that's true to myself if I didn't share with you the significant impact my faith as a Christian has had on my life in fact it's had the biggest impact of anything on my life quite frankly I've struggled writing this chapter not because of the deep belief in my faith but because I want to share with you the huge impact I know prayer can have on your life I also want to be transparent about my love of Jesus having said that I also want to be respectful of your beliefs and not push you away by preaching this is not a chapter about religion this is a chapter about using prayer and Faith as a strategy to help you achieve your goals and even if Faith doesn't play a big role in your life keep listening because I'm also going to tell you how I think science can impact your life in this area as well that leads us to a fundamental question what is faith we know Faith moves mountains but that only begins to scratch the surface of what faith truly is Faith is universal every civilization since the beginning of time has practiced some sort of faith-based spirituality it's also fair to say that prayer is the manifestation of faith faith and prayer combine to give you the paths to Peace Truth conviction and living by a moral code they go hand in hand but each is uniquely different and they exist in harmony for your benefit in one more terms approach Faith as your thoughts approach prayers as your actions when you combine them they form a bond unlike anything else that's why it's important to think about your faith often and then act by committing to prayer often too most people are driven by some form of faith that has strengthened and confirmed by prayers prayers strengthen your faith-based beliefs in turn that defines your character what you think about yourself and how you treat others in fact I can attest that one more prayer has drawn me closer to Jesus every day of my life consciously and subconsciously you pray more than you realize you may not always view it as prayer but your mind's natural tendency is to think about what you want in life you see them as desires but in reality desires are a form of prayer when you desire a job promotion a happy and loving relationship good health or wealth whether you realize it or not you're engaging in a form of prayer that leads to several questions are you praying often enough is prayer a regular part of your daily activities do you only pray when you need your God's help how often do you give intentional thought to what it is you pray about are you practicing gratitude When you pray and after your prayers are answered how do you define faith in prayer just as every person has a unique relationship with their God faith and prayer take on a highly personal meaning for every one of us consider how the Bible defines faith in Hebrews chapter 11 verse 1. now Faith is confidence in what we hope for and Assurance about what we do not see while there are Universal truths and beliefs we can all agree on when it comes to defining faith in prayer we hold some thoughts based on how we perceive Faith prayer and our relationship with a higher being the presence of faith and the ability to pray are unique to humankind our ability to think conceptually above and beyond what we see touch and feel in the world separates us from other living beings Free Will means that we can interpret faith on a personal level from that interpretation we can pray on a personal level as well faith has applications Beyond those associated with religion Faith relies on trust and loyalty to a duty person or thing and in Broad terms faith is based on on accepting a proposed truth absent proof of the truth prayer is more narrowly defined for many people the purpose of prayer is to increase our understanding of what our God calls good while also increasing desire in us for what is good so defining faith in prayer essentially means trusting that these things are intended to cultivate the good in US often people resist embracing Faith because they feel like they need to know everything about a particular Faith before feeling comfortable doing so for some of you that type of thinking not only applies to Faith but to all parts of your life what do I mean by this if you feel you need to reach a certain threshold of knowledge before moving forward with something you become Paralyzed by inaction and fall behind those who are more willing than you to step into the unknown and act anyway to live a full life there must be several times when you suspend the necessity of needing to know everything before you act this is especially true with faith because we're never going to know everything there is to know about faith by its very definition Faith precludes this type of thinking does this limited thinking hold you back not only in your faith but in other areas of your life for example suppose you're the type of person who needs to know everything there is to know before jumping into action in that case chances are you're never going to be the person who risks starting their own business or entering a new romantic relationship a need to know everything in advance belief system will not serve you well throughout your life every area of our lives especially Faith depends on stepping into the unknown to some degree or another drawing strength from my faith and prayers I'm often asked what my favorite book is and for me there has always been only one answer the Bible and my favorite scripture is Philippians chapter 4 verse 13. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me I am fortified every time I read the Bible I also have a deep and ongoing curiosity about the nature of humanity profound spiritual questions and moral questions that have challenged me to fight answers for many years now one of the ways I draw strength is through a simple passage that sums up the Simplicity and purity of being faithful and praying often in John chapter 16 verse 24 Jesus said ask and you will receive and your joy will be complete that is the essence of faith and prayers and the impact it has had on my life more than that because I believe fully in the power of faith and prayer I am never alone throughout my entire life I've drawn considerable strength from the positive impact of faith and prayers that has given me Supreme confidence every time I walk into a sales call stay step on a stage at a public speaking event or when I'm simply out and about meeting and talking to people on the street I have been rewarded through my faith and prayers too I firmly believe there is a direct correlation between the wealth I've achieved the business relationships and friendships I've been blessed with and most importantly the ongoing and Blissful family life I enjoy it's difficult to explain the feeling that faith and prayers have on you to someone who does not practice these things regularly I can only give witness to what these things have done for me I believe if practiced correctly faith and prayer should be used as a time to search for inner peace to reflect on the nature of your life and to practice gratitude for the gifts you have been given I draw strength from the calmness that results this helps Center and focus me on what comes next and from there I can find purpose and energy when it's time to move forward with various parts of my life linking Faith energy and Quantum science people often ask me if my deep belief in faith means I can't also believe in science absolutely not quite the contrary there are three philosophies related to the fundamental nature of Life as We Know It One some people consider themselves incredibly faith-based two others think of themselves as energy based three finally others are science based I'm somewhat unique because I consider myself a member of all three camps I'm a Christian but I also believe I have an almighty God who created the universe I'm a huge believer in science and energy as well in no way do I think that these doctrines conflict with each other at one point I used to think that what I believed about science meant that I had to reduce the depths of my beliefs and my faith conversely I also thought that I had to Discount many scientific principles as a way of maintaining my strong faith-based beliefs however as I've read and learned more I've come to realize that science has actually confirmed my beliefs in the complexities Beauty and The Marvelous nature of my faith my almighty God he created everything or he did not the basic definition of quantum science is that the universe is filled with particles that interact with each other and flow with Quantum energy this scientific explanation of this energy is referred to as the study of quantum physics what I love about Quantum energy is that this is where faith and science intersect in fact some of my most devout friends of all faiths including pastors rabbis imams priests and others are very much into the idea of energy my belief in these three ideas stems from a probing question I asked myself Long Ago by knowing a God exists who put Trees Animals oceans gravitational fields weather and all the other things in our world why can't that God be the same creator of the energy we all feel and experience in the world despite the enormity of this question by accepting the premise that energy is felt by all of us and that God is the creator of this energy that is far less Monumental than God creating the complexity of man and woman to me creating an energy field pales in comparison to giving seven billion people the ability to think question express emotions and challenge reason and Ponder the great questions of our world most important he gave us the gift of finding answers to many of those questions propelling us forward as a civilization since time began this is in addition to the biological Miracles that give each of us the essence of life consider God's miracle of procreation the transfer of oxygen in our bodies to sustain life processing food and water into energy the gifts of sight sound taste and other amazing sensory experiences we use to navigate the world think about that for a moment truly let the question sink in as to why and how you came to exist not only do I believe Faith energy and science exist to give us answers peace logic order and whatever we need in our lives I know each of these elements exist because I've personally experienced them time and time again I've been fascinated for a long long time by the Unseen energy in our world how it folds into my faith and how I pray at first glance it doesn't seem that faith and science have anything in common however it may surprise you to learn that spiritual leaders and scientists have sought ways to link the two for a long time now quantum physics makes the argument that everything can be broken down into infinitesimal particles and waves creating unseen energy that drives the universe just like Faith Quantum sized particles can't be seen But scientists and religious Scholars operate under the assumption that both have a significant influence on Humanity one of the basic tenets of quantum physics is the belief that you are creating an answer to a question by making a decision Faith operates the same way additionally if you have made another decision or used another method the truth you settled on might have ended up looking very different Faith leads you to certain answers those answers create decisions and outcomes can you see the link of how science and spirituality are connected isn't this how faith and prayer guide us to the right decisions that interconnectedness helps strengthen the argument for the importance of understanding the Unseen energy of faith and the core practice of prayer the intersection of Science and faith has become an increasingly cutting-edge area of study as Humanity continues to question the most profound elements of our very existence the essence of the link between faith and energy is this many people believe that if they Embrace faith in prayer they must then exclude the concept of energy in the universe I believe just the opposite is true believing in energy and Quantum science strengthens my faith and my purposeful prayers they feed off each other instead of excluding each other the more you pray the more often people will feel your energy peace comfort and empathy for that reason regardless of your faith or what you believe I recommend you pray more often you are always making people feel something have you ever been around someone and immediately felt attracted or not attracted to them I know you will have met several people in your life where you just instantly hit it off with them because of the way they made you feel believe it or not that's part of quantum physics that is part of the Unseen energy of the world the same unseen energy exists in other ways would you agree with me that there's an energy force that keeps your feet on the ground and it's called gravity have you ever walked into a room and felt a peaceful energy while you were there conversely have you ever walked into a place and the energy did not sit well with you maybe it scared you or made you feel uncomfortable here's another excellent example have you ever noticed how dogs immediately take to some people but others can't get within 10 feet of them or they risk getting bitten this is a perfect example of how the energy you emit says certain things about you as well your ability to be intentional and make people feel or not feel certain things is critical in achieving the things in your life that you dream about remember this you are always making people feel something there is an energy that attracts certain things to your life and an energy that also repels things away from you as well if you have an absence of understanding of how this energy works you are creating a considerable disservice to yourself however having a good understanding of this concept will serve you well in your life The Depths to which you decide to explore this energy and quantum physics are entirely up to you but to deny its existence is to reject something as fundamental as gravity in our world my understanding of this energy and how it works has been critical to my success for many years now I'm also keenly aware of the vast majority of the people I meet are entirely oblivious to the type of energy they Emit and how they make people feel your ability to control and harness the energy you put out is critical to how well you function in the world also understand that sometimes the energy you need to put out is loving sometimes intense and sometimes understanding this is the other part of using your energy to its fullest advantage the power of one more prayer as I've already mentioned but I want to stress again faith and prayers are highly personal and I respect every person and how they choose to practice these things I'm happy to share what I know and believe and if these things make sense to you and help you achieve a higher degree of faith and more focused prayers that will make me happy I firmly believe that one more prayer will draw you closer to your personal faith in whatever form that faith is here are some of the additional things I believe about faith and one more prayer the stronger your faith is in whatever you believe the deeper your commitment to your resulting cause will be in strategic terms think of it this way if you have faith and you pray that you're the right person for a job promotion or that you deserve to land a big deal because you have faith you are the right fit to solve another person or a company's problem the harder you're going to work to make that become a reality at times your faith will waver and there will be times in your life when you have questions for your God you must ask these questions and test your faith unless you get answers or at least go searching for them you'll never strengthen your Faith you must remove doubt as you encounter it don't pray only when it suits you pray every day be consistent make it every bit The Habit that exercising eating the right Foods or telling your spouse or children that you love them is for you you've heard the expression there are no atheists in a foxhole don't wait until you're a foxhole of your own pray in good times and in bad pray with honesty pray with intention do not simply go through the motions When you pray no matter what shape your life is in make sure your prayers and your requests are congruent with the will of your God this truth is explicitly stated in first John chapter 5 verse 14. if we ask anything according to his will he hears us don't pray for harm or ill will upon anyone it's not acceptable ever I also believe the power of prayer has a compounding effect on your life the longer you build faith and prayer into an essential part of your life the more impact it will have on you and the people who matter most to you as well another thing I have learned is that when tragedy strikes you may have a crisis of Faith but I have also learned that is when you need faith in your prayers the most and finally at times others will challenge you or ostracize you for your faith and how you pray they may not stop long enough to understand your beliefs or they may generalize based on their own beliefs and quite possibly their own shortcomings my response to people like that is that your relationship with your God is more important than what people think they know and assume about you if you can place your God first then you are well on your way to effectively incorporating faith and the power of one more prayer into your life chapter 19 one last one more I've had many epiphanies since I started writing the power of one more however one of them stands above all others I realize my life and business philosophy comes from my relationship with my hero and my father Edward Joseph mylett Jr my belief that people can change and the reason I'm in the field of helping other people do better in life is because the man I love and looked up to above all others did just that although I've shared several things with you none is more essential or difficult for me to write about than one last one more when you watch the person you're closest to in life live a certain way and then commit to a profound change when faced with one last one more and not only changes them it changes you too over the course of his lifetime this is the story of how my father taught me one of life's most priceless lessons I know you'll find Value in it too the lesson of one last one more begins here my father was a banker by profession a hard-working man who never missed a day at work he was also an alcoholic for the first 15 years of my life he paid a horrible price as he suffered through this disease and by extension the people he loved paid a steep price to we became the collateral damage in a war that raged inside of him although we had a very loving family his illness created anxiety and worry in all of us it was tough to watch my father struggle every day with something I knew he wanted to rid from himself but ironically I will tell you his drinking happened for me and not to me even more so my father's alcoholism happened for him and not to him that's because through his illness my father eventually found his true calling in life his drinking happen for me because most of the skills I used to this day are because I was raised by an alcoholic father for example I learned to read body language tonality and facial expressions as a young boy I first developed it by learning how to read which father would come home from work would it be a sober and loving father or an intoxicated and detached father I got to a point where I could figure this out by how my dad would insert a key into our front door lock if he struggled and fumbled to get the key in the lock I knew he had been drinking conversely when the key slid into the lock without hesitation I knew what that meant as well once inside I paid attention to how he talked and walked his body language demeanor and attitude it was always a guessing game as to whether I would avoid him until he went to bed or would I go out and play catch with him in the backyard when you're eight years old and this is a skill you need to have for a better home life you learn from that lesson quickly and you learn it well although deep down my father was a kind-hearted man while he was drinking his actions didn't always align with his character many times he was not only emotionally removed from the rest of us but he was physically removed from time to time as well there were days and nights when he wouldn't come home and we all knew the reason why despite this Affliction my father was my best friend and I looked up to him he was my hero confidante advisor and the person I trusted above all others he made me and my three sisters feel special and we all thought about him in the same way despite challenges in your own families I know many of you have experienced the things my sisters and I did as a young boy every son starts out thinking his father is perfect someone who can do no wrong unfortunately the nature of life is that a father is human and he will make mistakes along the way as a father now I know I certainly have made them but when you're a young boy and if you're like I was you stand in awe of your father you gladly make him your hero and you look Beyond those mistakes and Imperfections however I didn't look up to him because I thought he was perfect in fact the opposite was true it was his ability to overcome his mistakes and shortcomings that made him even more extraordinary in my eyes I'll never know exactly why my dad turned to drinking and I don't think any of us ever figured out why it became a addiction for him difficult challenging and tragic things happen to everyone which means that there will come a time in your life when these things happen to you like it or not the clock will run out and no amount of praying wishing or begging will deny this inevitability one of the immutable laws of the universe is that everything comes with an expiration date let that sink in for a moment sooner or later everything ends no matter who you are or what you're going through change will come to you this is not meant to depress you it's meant to create a sense of urgency in you it's also to remind you that things are happening for you and not to you at several times in your life you'll reach the end of a journey and you'll come face to face with one last one more in these times you'll make choices that Define your character and change the course of your life your world changes when you realize your days on Earth are finite many people come to this realization earlier than others and some are acutely aware of it but can't break free from those heavy chains they've forged at some point we're all bound together by one last one Morse we can't run from them so we must learn to face them the best possible way learn to live your life the best way you know how before those days come you can't stop or slow down the march of time and those inevitable changes all you can do is make the most of what you have right now in this way you can intentionally guide your fate it's how you can live life with fewer burdens regrets anger and sadness and yes it's not easy change rarely is when I was 15 my dad was confronted with the biggest one last one more of his life my mother gave him an ultimatum either you get sober or lose your family you won't get another chance she told him I'll never forget what my dad said to me when faced with this Eddie I'm gonna go away for a while and I'm going to stop drinking when I come back you're going to have the father you deserve your sisters are going to have the dad they deserve and your mother is going to have a husband worthy of her I had heard this before and I wanted desperately to believe him so I asked him how is this time going to be any different I've never seen my dad cry before but that day with tears in his eyes he said I have one more chance Eddie one last one more my father who struggled with his addiction and tried to get sober many times before took those words to Heart the stakes were now so high that one more failure was no longer an option here's the lesson I took from that and what I want to share with you linking huge emotional reasons to what you want to accomplish is the key to why you must be willing to go through the difficult struggles associated with change those reasons to change must be overwhelmingly more significant than the obstacles you face so that those obstacles are dwarfed in comparison if you show me somebody with big enough reasons to change in their life I'll show you somebody capable of making that change I'm often asked where can you find those reasons you need to look no further than your dreams or the other people in your life for my father the tough challenge of getting and staying sober was nowhere near as significant as the reason to change which was the catastrophic possibility of losing his family to him as a devoted and loving family man there was no more significant loss than been taking his family away from him until that time my father was a man who had not lived up to a life he was capable of living he knew it he also knew he had to change and he did my father didn't go looking for Redemption when he got sober but that's exactly what he found part of this Redemption is revealed in this book although I'm writing it the things you've heard about are a shared Legacy with him I'm often asked how I got into the business of helping others it wasn't by accident it was because of my father the power of one more is a direct result of my father's influence on me my desire to help others reflects my father's determination to devote his life to helping others after he got sober through his work with Alcoholics Anonymous my father embraced the idea of living one more day sober a common Mantra of A.A in fact it became the entire premise of his life that may sound like a small thing to overcome if you've never battled addiction but in the world of an alcoholic winning this fight one more day at a time means everything once he committed to it my dad didn't try to stay sober every remaining day of his life he tried to stay sober one more day of his life one day at a time stacked upon each other until days became weeks and months and they became years the difference in that kind of mindset means everything to her recovering alcoholic if you're listening to this and you're thinking about quitting on your dream a business you started or anything important to you don't put the pressure on yourself to meet that goal for five or ten years or or the rest of your life instead think about not quitting for one more day take things one more small step at a time make your goal of not quitting manageable and easier to achieve all you need to do is get through today tomorrow you can start again and Conquer your battles with a one last one more mentality in your darkest and most challenging times I know many of you think about quitting and giving up when those thoughts occur to you just hold on for one more day don't quit for one more day as I mentioned for the longest time I didn't fully realize the entire premise of my life came from my father his attempts to get sober and his belief in one last one more but that's exactly how he lived the final 35 years of his life it Bears repeating because one last one more is the lesson of this book my dad had suffered from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease COPD for several years but still managed to get around well most of the time and then one day he started laboring heavy during one of our golf rounds a month later he was diagnosed with liposarcoma a rare type of cancer that develops in fatty tissues and can grow anywhere in your body shortly after that my dad underwent a 12-hour surgery to remove a tumor the size of a football in his chest he never complained through the surgeries chemotherapy radiation medications and other treatments that followed he hid the severity of his illness from us knowing we would be upset if we knew how much he was suffering my father battled his cancer for nine long years before passing away from related respiratory complications on October 30th 2020 less than a year ago as I write this he was 72 years old there is a crushing void in my life where he used to be I miss him like no other and I still struggle with not having him around I long for our conversations and the time we spent together well I expect the hole where he was in my life to get smaller over time deep down I know I will continue to miss him every day I remain on this Earth the magic of time is that it allows us to heal and reflect and that's precisely what I've done since my father's passing it's an ongoing process but I've been able to put some perspective on his life and how all of us can take away important lessons from who Edward Joseph mylette Jr was and who he continues to be these are three things I want you to know about one last one more one live a one last one more life as often as you can two one last one more works best when you treat every day as a new life three understand that it's never too late for one last one more when you live a one last one more life as often as you can you approach life with a high degree of urgency what if you were only allowed one last one more dance with the person you love what if you could only have one last one more conversation with your children what would you say to them and how would you say it think about your life if you only had one last one more chance to tell your spouse that you love them consider how you would act if like my father you were given one last one more chance to be the parent The Sibling the child or the friend you always wanted to be when you approach life with a one last one more mentality your priorities become clear you are more grateful for God's gifts that have been given to you you respect and appreciate time and you will become a better human being here's the best example I can tell you of how one last one more impacted my relationship with my dad my father and I loved to play golf when I was a young man we would play rounds at El Prado golf course in Chino California for us it became our Haven a place where we could go to unwind laugh and share our thoughts and problems with each other we had Lively discussions about politics all the time we would talk about spirituality the meaning of life and about his children and grandchildren in our quieter moments he'd reflect on some of the regrets in his life mainly about the chances he didn't take although he was proud of me my dad always stressed that while my business success was beyond admirable he made sure I understood my relationships with my family and friends or What mattered most he cared little about the houses I owned my wealth or the other trappings of success instead he was more concerned about the man I was how I treated people what difference I was making in the world and whether I was living a good and virtuous life what he valued remains one of the most important lessons he ever taught me it has kept me grounded to this day okay our talks were deep and over the years he became the only person who knew everything about me even as I approached 50 years old he was the person I called for advice in fact my dad was the only person I ever called for advice he was also the first person I called whenever something happened good or bad as my career took off and I started to enjoy a measure of success I wanted to give my dad the gift of playing one of the finest golf courses in the world so around the Christmas holidays for many years the two of us would travel to Pebble Beach for an annual father-son golf getaway it was a small measure of thanks for all he had given to me and those times are among the most meaningful moments of my life whether it was playing at El Prado or Pebble Beach these trips were not so much about golf as they were about spending time together it could have just as easily been going fishing turning wrenches on a classic car taking in a ball game or whatever common interest Fathers and Sons enjoy together although I had grown into a man I needed my dad as much as ever as a father with my own challenges my dad provided wise counsel on a place I could go for Life advice as only a father can I miss so many things about my dad but I miss these golf outings the most I always had a sense of how important they were but now that my father is gone they've taken on a whole new level of meaning make no mistake it's not the golf I miss it's the hours I spend with him just sharing time I would give anything for one last one more round of golf with my dad many times I still can't believe he's gone months after he passed I spoke to an audience of several thousand people and I couldn't wait to get off the stage to call my dad like past conversations I was excited to go over what went well and what I could have done better it wasn't until the adrenaline left my body and I was standing backstage by myself that I realized I couldn't do that any longer I can't tell you how many times I've had the same initial rush and awkward feeling since my Dad's passing but I can't tell you with certainty that the clarity of what one last one more means in all parts of my life has never been greater if you take nothing else away from this book I'm telling you now if you have someone in your life who means a lot to you start living your life with a one last one more mentality toward them cherish every moment you spend together and live your life in ways that will make them proud and make you happy don't wait my father would be embarrassed if he thought this book was about him for his sake and mine it's not this book is about you and your families your soul your relationship with others and the legacies you're creating I'm only using my relationship with my father to help you understand why living a one last one more life is the Urgent frame of mind you need to live your best life the second thing I want you to understand is that to fully appreciate one last one more treat every day as a new life there are no guarantees you or someone you care about can be here one moment and gone the next you are blessed every second you're alive and you need to approach those moments with extreme gratitude learn to appreciate things big and small and the people God has brought into your life release the thoughts and the people that weigh you down when you let these things go you'll replace them with opportunities and relationships that were meant for you your priorities will change as you cast off the past too many people get stuck in the quicksand of their memories and they drown needlessly in guilt anger and stupid grudges that only hurt themselves instead when you wake up in the morning tell yourself this every day I am alive I am reborn when you let go of your past you create space for the here and now you can bring energy and enthusiasm to the fleeting nature of one last one Moors into your life you can direct your energy to what matters and not things that will destroy your inner well-being and your relationships with others when you treat every day as a new life you'll find more enjoyment and Bliss in the things that serve you well if you must have a one last one more conversation with someone one last hug before a goodbye or One Last Dance before someone you care about goes away you can do so with a clear mind free from the mental garbage that gets in the way of living your best life don't spoil today by lugging that garbage around instead toss it away and get on with the things that matter the third and final thing to know is that it's never too late for one last one more after my father died I came across several index cards as I was putting away some of his things on these cards were scribbled codes like one four JL and one three PT they were scattered on his vanity unit and taped to his bathroom mirror these codes were dates and the initials of someone's name and there were hundreds of them I soon figured out that every one of those cards represented a person my dad had helped get sober and the dates were that person's sobriety anniversary date here's the most remarkable part on those dates my father would call that person wish them a happy sobriety birthday and congratulate them his message to them was simple all you must do is stay sober for one more day he made these calls hundreds of times a year every year including in the last days of his life even while he was on oxygen struggling to breathe and could barely whisper he still reached out and made calls to the people on his note cards although he was in severe pain and Agony and he knew he would pass away soon my father had to help one more person nobody was watching nobody would have known whether he made those calls or not however because my father lived a one more life this was an opportunity for him to help one last one more human being in the end my father's one last one more was a phone call to another person in need shortly before he passed away I've never been so moved or prouder of my dad his quiet kind and humble gestures remain a profound example of service to others that I may never match now you know why I've made it my sincere mission to try and help as many people as possible in my life too I do it to honor my father coming back from the brink of losing his family and everything he worked for my father found purpose and Redemption he made the most of one last one more chance he was given our physical being dies and we do pass from this Earth at some point but my father's one last one more Legacy will live through the ages we should all be so lucky to live our lives that well God and His Infinite Wisdom gave us the power of forgiveness take this gift to heart if you have a challenging relationship with someone you care about find a way to set your differences aside you simply don't know what comes next when you find it in your heart to make one last one more a priority in your life not only will you lighten the chains of another person but you'll lighten your chains in life as well as I watched my father take his final breaths it dawned on me that one day we'll all face our one last one more our last year on Earth our last month last week and our last day our last hour and all too soon our final breath you can't control the end but you can control the story in between your ability to live your best life is going to be shaped in large part by the one more I've revealed to you in this book these thoughts and actions will build the story of your life so that when you do take one last breath you can be proud of the life you've lived don't wait for one last one more to find you go after them with urgency and purpose you'll unlock the most difficult and essential one more lesson you can learn when you do this and in doing so you may just unlock the secret to life itself about the author Ed mylett is a highly successful entrepreneur who has Blended his unique experiences with a diverse set of practical strategies that have made him one of the most sought after inspirational speakers in the world today as a young man he attended the University of the Pacific in Stockton California where he was a three-time academic All-American before an untimely injury ended his dream of playing in the major leagues at his father's urging Ed became a counselor for disadvantaged children in what turned out to be one of the most pivotal turning points of his life it was there he first started to appreciate the importance of serving others and laying the foundation for Success principles he would put into practice later in life Ed is a Serial entrepreneur who has enjoyed considerable success in part through his unrivaled work ethic and ability to fire up people with his Dynamic high octane presentations over the years he has been involved in several Tech real estate medical and food Ventures among many others leading him to be named a Success magazine success 125 most influential leader in 2022. with a strong desire to help people Ed began sharing his inspirational and performance strategies live and online in four short years he amassed more than 2 million Instagram followers wrote a best-selling book and launched a popular weekly podcast The Ed mylett Show and thoroughly enjoys engaging with his followers and is active on several social media platforms where his poster viewed several million times each month as a keynote speaker it has spoken to millions of people he is equally Adept at delivering relatable strategies and intimate Gatherings to Arenas filled with fifty thousand people or online audiences in the hundreds of thousands he is well known for combining spirituality Faith the inner workings of the mind and tactical thoughts and actions to help people produce real changes in their lives Ed remains humble about his success attributing his Good Fortune to his faith in God his mentors and the lessons his father taught him throughout life in his free time Ed is an avid golfer health and weightlifting Enthusiast he and his wife Christiana are the proud parents of two adult children you've been listening to the power of one more by Ed mylett narrated by Ed mylett copyright 2022 by John Wiley and Sons Incorporated published by arrangement with John Wiley and Sons Incorporated recording copyright 2022 by Ascent audio a division of recorded books if you've enjoyed this audiobook please visit rbmediaglobal.com forward slash Ascent Dash audio where you'll find a wide selection of our unabridged titles thank you for being an Ascent audio listener audible hopes you have enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoy this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoy this program boy this program enjoyed this program enjoy this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoy this program enjoy this program enjoyed this program enjoyed this program enjoy this program enjoy this program 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