have you ever noticed that when you give up on your goal or you just start caring less about it you actually reach your goal way easier literally the second you stop thinking about when am I going to reach this goal and what does this person think of me and what does the other person think of me and how fast am I going to reach this goal how much more work do I need to put in to reach this goal than you reach your goal this phenomenon is often called The Law of Detachment or as I like to call it just not giving a the idea is when we stop fixating on the outcome of a goal and we release this like super tight grip on it we just open ourselves to reach this goal effortlessly so it is time to enter your unbothered girl era to start reaching your goals easier have better relationships and have an overall less stressful Life by just implementing The Law of Detachment hello and welcome or welcome back to my channel my name is Maria I do a lot of content around self-improvement and I also show my own experience with it and what my daily life looks like so make sure to subscribe to see all of those videos and also follow me on Instagram to see the dayto life stuff The Law of Detachment is really really simple yet super effective it's basically this idea that we don't need to be super attached to an outcome in order to reach that goal we often think that the more emotionally invested we are into something the more we deserve to get that thing and that is not always true I mean don't get me wrong it is really important to care and we are hardwired to care about certain things that's how we can have meaningful Relationships by caring about people and it's an absolutely essential part of life however there are a bunch of things that we just do not need to care so much about some things are just absolutely pointless or out of our control or both and not caring about these things actually helps us be unbothered and just chill while going through life and not stressing about everything so what is the Law of Detachment on one side it's this whole idea of distancing ourselves from the outcome of goal or of a certain situation and just not being that emotionally invested into it on another side it also means that we do not base our selfworth in these outcomes we recognize that our selfworth is not dependent on the fact that we reach a certain goal or we don't reach it if we get a good grade or we don't get a good grade if someone breaks up with us or doesn't there are more important things about us and more valuable things about us than those outcomes detachment doesn't mean not caring about anything or anyone and just going for life being this cold-hearted person because I don't think that's fun and no one really wants that it's more about having a balanced perspective and seeing things rationally and objectively and as a result being able to handle situations better it is way too warm it allows you to be objective and not act from a place of ego from a place of fear that someone will leave you or that you will fail with a certain goal you will stop idolizing people you will stop putting people on a pedestal and thinking that they are the most amazing person you have ever met just to be disappointed later because they are not you just had this idea of them it also helps you take things personally like I said not acting from a place of ego and to experience feelings of love appreciation whatever you feel towards other people around you without having this need for control or basing your happiness on the fact that someone texted you back or didn't text you back so Detachment is not the same things as indifference and is also not the same thing as just letting yourself be disrespected so now that we've gone through what attachment is and isn't let's talk about why attachment so the opposite can be bad if we're talking about romantic relationships or also just friendships a lot of times Society has kind of idealized and romanticized this idea of if I cannot live without you then that's the ideal situation and that is true love and that you need to be super attached to someone in order to actually truly love them but if you think about it attachment comes from a place of desperation and a place of ego and a place of feeling the need to control situations and placing your worth in the outcome of situations and it's all very negative So based on that the truest love and the healthiest types of relationships are actually the ones where people are detached and and it doesn't mean not caring about each other it just means that your life will not get ruined if your partner hasn't texted you back after an hour if they're busy if they also have something going on in their lives and they might not be able to hang out with you one day and also very important if that relationship ends you know you will be fine it doesn't mean that you don't care about the relationship or you don't care about the person or you won't be sad about the person at being in your life anymore it just means that you you know that all you need is yourself and you're going to be fine even without that person that person was a lesson and that was valuable but you have yourself and that is all that counts at the end of the day I feel like this is really tough love pun intended and it's something I've really learned the hard way healthy love is respecting and valuing a person without your feelings for them coming from this place of fear of losing them you respect them you love them you value them even knowing that they might leave at some point something might happen you might break up or the Friendship might break up or you might have a fight or whatever but in this moment right now when you get along well you value them and you love them for who they are attachment and codependency can also exist in friendships and it's also not good for any of the people because I feel like even if you already have friends you should always be open-minded to meet new people maybe they're not going to become your friends but but now you have some more acquaintances you have exchanged information or Thoughts with someone else and that is valuable people want different things from life and it becomes more and more clear the older we get there are so many differences in us and that is absolutely great but you know what is not okay trying to change people and trying to attach your own ideas and beliefs to someone else that's not giving unbothered it's giving trying to be a control-free and it's not cute and Detachment also means accepting those people for who they are which is something absolutely essential if you want to have healthy friendships and when it comes to outcomes generally attachment and being overly attached to things leads us to base our self worth in those outcomes so if we go on a date and it just doesn't go well but we expected it to go well or we really hoped it would go well then we're suddenly really disappointed and we think that something is wrong with ourselves or we are not enough or not pretty enough or we're we're a failure because it didn't like us I mean you've got to be kidding me right that is not a good way of thinking about anything not just dates just because something doesn't work out doesn't mean that your selfworth needs to absolutely plummet to the ground if something doesn't go the way we want it to maybe that's a sign maybe it's not supposed to maybe something better better is coming so what are some things that we can do on a daily basis to be more detached and reach our goals easier and just have an overall less stressful life let's start with number one which is that your selfworth starts from within and that is something you just need to get into your head and you need to accept that and you need to preach that on a daily basis you know who you are you know how valuable you are you know the things that are absolutely amazing about you and all the things that you have that you bring to the table and no outcome can take that from you or diminish those things when your selfworth starts to be derived from within it's not going to change when something happens when someone rejects you you're not going to sit in a corner and cry we might maybe for like 5 minutes but then you're going to get up and you're going to remember that you're that girl and you are unbothered you're still the same person you still have the same values you're still your amazing self and that does not change we also need to be absolutely real with ourselves and just be honest for second and think about the things in our lives that are pointless because often times we are so stupidly and pointlessly attached to random things that actually just don't care like if you think rationally about all the things that you worry about on a daily basis for sure you will find some things that just do not matter it can be little things it can be you know sometimes I would get so upset if I would miss the bus if I would run to the bus and the bus driver would just close the door my face and leave and I'll be like this is so rude how can you do that to me I need to get to work I'm going to be late to work literally who cares it's not personal okay if that person wants to be an he'll be an maybe next time go to the bus earlier another way you can practice Detachment is to stop being a control freak you cannot control everyone there are things just out of your control and that's okay and it has to be like this and it's good for you and it will be even better for you if you learn learn to not be upset about that and to not even feel the need to control those things that are clearly out of your control you can influence your actions and your decisions and how you react to situations but you cannot influence how other people react and you cannot make other people act in ways that you want them to act or say things that you want them to say or appreciate you the way you want to be appreciated if they don't want to do that they will not do that you cannot dictate every outcome and trying to will just create more anxiety and more stress for you you also need to be acceptive of the fact that there are alternative paths you might have this idea that your goal starts here you put in the work and you're going to get here but what if you get there like there are different paths there are different outcomes just because it's not the outcome you wanted doesn't mean it's a bad outcome setting boundaries one of my favorite topics how do you set boundaries you are detached you stop caring about what this person thinks of you or how how rude is it going to be if I don't let them walk all over me and stuff like that because let's be real really you need boundaries and you cannot let people disrespect you if someone does something that bothers you and that is not respectful of you you communicate that you need to tell them that or you need to just distance yourself from them and this is easier when you are detached you need to understand your Worth and be willing to let go of people who do not understand it are not willing to understand it are not willing to respect it or appreciate it also one of the ways you can really show Detachment on a daily basis is just accepting people for who they are and this also goes hand inand with not putting people on a pedestal people will do whatever the they want and it might not be what you think they will do or how you think they will act if you think this person is the most amazing person ever and you have this idea of them but then they do something that clearly shows you that they aren't that amazing they're not that smart or they're not that respectful then accept that accept the fact that you've been wrong about them and that they're not that great let them be you cannot change people you cannot keep asking yourself but why does this person do this and why is this person like this do you like them do you respect them okay be friends with them or be in a relationship with them if not goodbye also if you have friends stop stop judging them for nothing they don't need to be a second version of you if you really truly respect someone you value them for who they are you're not going to try to change them you're not going to say like oh well why aren't they doing this and why are they doing that with their life that is not for you to decide I really really hope you enjoyed this video honestly I had so much fun this might have been one of my favorite topics I've done so far and let me know if you want more of these like confident self-worth types of topics I'll see you in my next video byebye