there's been so many discussions about ker and is kinger crazy or why does he have all of these memory lapses is it that he's had a head injury has something traumatic happened has he always been this way I think that this is the episode that gives us all those psychological clues that tell us what actually happened to kinger I'll also state that I don't like the word crazy I think that it's a word that means that it's something wrong with someone that they're damaged Beyond repair there are so many of us that are neuros spicy that have different things that have gone through traumatic experiences or just are not wired the same way as others I think that if we actually looked at the amount of people there are probably people that are more neurod Divergent than people that are just neurotypical anyways so I'm going to use some of the terms that they use but I don't love the word crazy I think that it's something that can be used in some ways that's cute but I think that words also can hurt giving someone that kind of a title I think is more damaging than good and in this episode we're also going to take a look and say why did kinger get his Memories Back what happened to be able to cause that so we can all delve in together put on our psychological hats and take a look at what happened to kinger will you stop touching my eye oh yeah sorry what happened I just remembered a really funny joke you why did you scream then maybe it wasn't actually that funny oh my God I think we should hold on to each other and slowly make our way back into the trophy room the interesting part to that is his I think is him actually starting to think and often we can have this kind of disorganized pattern of the way that our thoughts are that sometimes disjointed ideas end up being put into a situation now there are lots of different reasons for this it could be traumatic brain injury some people are just wired different or it could be because of trauma and all of these things can affect our word bins our cognitions our ability to retrieve the proper memories to think really fast these things can change depending on what's happening in our brain at any moment it could also be just dementia that sometimes happens to people or from having concussions these are things that can affect the way that our brain processes thoughts and how we deal with situations at hand what was that what's what that it's probably just magnets or a boat a boat whatever the case I think we should that add to the risk of traumatic brain injury so sorry [Music] you look beautiful honey so one thing do you see how his pupils dilate that's actually exceptionally accurate when we like something or if we're in love our pupils will often grow in size that's why a lot of people that are poker players or people that are dealing in diamonds or things that they want and they're trying to sell it will often be wearing sunglasses so other people can't tell how happy they are with what they have or what they want so we're going to just rewind that a little touch you look beautiful honey I think that that statement you look beautiful honey is because all of the eyes that are inside of the monster remind kinger of his wife because when his wife abstracted she had all of these big eyes and so I think that that's what kinger is reminded of and why he says that and a lot of times when we're going through traumatic loss we often see and feel that person in areas where they may not be first I believed that ker thinking that he's seeing his wife and having that memory of her is what brought him back on further thought to this I don't think that that's actually accurate I think that it might be something else that we get clues about later prepare for takeoff cuz this boat is going up huh that's not up that's not up at all why are we going up and a lot of people have fears and phobias about elevators and there are different types of fears with elevators for some people it's the feeling of being trapped other people it's the fear of possibly falling for others it's that feeling of that there might not be enough air being in enclosed space too many people being all alone even people that have the same phobia the reason for their phobia might be completely different I was no longer The Protector my wife and theore IAL children needed jumping at every shadow every noise in my attempts to protect her I ended up becoming the monster myself I will slay the Beast that took everything from me and that can often happen that we want to protect or keep something to Us close to us and we become so controlling so wanting to that that we end up becoming that monster that the person has to get away from and that's why we need to be so careful about allowing our fear or our anxiety or our worries of loss and abandonment to be able to make those choices whenever you are making a choice out of fear even when it's the right choice it's the wrong choice and often it's going to have really serious repercussions so whenever you feel a lot of anxiety you want to wait until you're calmed down and perhaps even Journal it out before you decide to act how's about we take his gun yeah sounds good to me please don't come alive okay I won't it's an irony in that really looks like we've got two shots let's make them count stay behind me Al loveo ker is so naturally protective of those that he's with and I think that that brings back some of his natural nature a lot of times especially if you're dealing with traumatic loss or Dem share other things the core pieces of your personality are still there your core of who you are as a person courtesy positivity the way that you interact with the world is often still those pieces of who you are and because they're at a deeper part of your brain they're actually more protected from being able to be lost and they're also more interwoven to the rest more interconnected to the rest of your brain so some of those Primal systems are actually the last ones that you loose I find that face very distressing and that noise that kind of Primal noise of distress also I find kind of gets me to my core so I find this face really quite terrifying kinger I I think we may have a problem this way too just leave it to me I can handle this and do you see that like he knows who he is as a person in these times of distress that's why that negative selft talk is so damaging because it changes our perception of ourself and it's these times that you need to really believe in yourself and ker does he knows it to his core and that's why the way that you speak to yourself is so imperative because then when you need to be able to use a skill it's your own self assessment than you've been advertising to yourself that will make the difference and for ker he knows that he has this and in times of stress you will actually be better at the things that you've practiced worse at the things that you haven't but better at the things that you've practiced so anxiety is not a weakness it can often be a strength another cool little tidbit is that all of the eyeballs now make sense that biblical literal circular spiral of eyeballs that what Angels really should look like and there's a whole bunch of eyes all over the place even in the tape recorder all of the circles are little tiny eyeballs which I find really interesting and kind of disturbing and then it also makes sense that inside of the face of the head there are all these eyeballs looking back at you not really typical of what you'd think hell would be we are literally in hell right now just try to stay calm I'm sure Cain included a way to escape and the way that he said that was in a calm voice let's be proactive and do something because probably there's a way out of this situation which gives people hope plus to be able to actually think of we're going to do something going forward so instead of spinning about the worry and how bad things are what ker is doing is giving hope but also putting the brain into an active mode of let's figure out this puzzle and when we're doing that we're not thinking about all the worry which helps our anxiety go down hold on let me try something and look at kinger at this stage he's processing everything thing that's happening we can see who ker was before whatever happened to him that made him have all of these disorganized Memories the way that he's also really protective and trying to keep pomy safe at the same time so we can see that from these actions that ker is actually really great at problem solving that he can end up and some people are really good at being able to take all of the pieces of the puzzle in a grand system kind of way to be able to figure out how things work and to be able to pick up and notice that there's a danger here and the Stark difference to how he is when he's in the circus in comparison to where he is right now in the darkness of hell hey you get out of her you damn evil Souls how's your wife K hey you all right there and even though ker is scared he really wants to protect p om a lot of times when we've gone through loss or lost someone close to us we can be even more protective of the people that are around us sometimes what can happen though is we end up overly protective so protective that we become excessively controlling and don't let people outside of our grasp outside of our sights because we believe that if we can watch over it we can stop bad things from happening but the difficulty with that is that we also have to give people the room to grow to make mistakes to be able to live their own lives Liv so sometimes you can love something so much that you end up suffocating it and so you want to be able to watch out that balance but in this case ker is using it for the good and being able to save pomy because he can versus his wife that he wasn't able to I'm guessing the souls are attracted to living things just want a vessel to be able to leave with man seven years of computer science for this huh huh which I think is a very interesting kind of hint perhaps ker is actually one of the people that helped create this world that he's in and then trapped in which again I think psychologically we often do that we are often the ones that have created all of the traps that are around us and if we end up understanding ourselves well enough we can also be the ones to help ourselves with the way out I really am in hell don't say that and you can see when kinger goes to reach out but he isn't sure if that's what pomy needs or wants for some people touch can be really soothing and they could want that but for other people they don't want to be touched when they're in distress the things that might be soothing to you might not be soothing to someone else and if you're not sure it is better to air on the side of caution why have you been acting so different lately I have haven't I I'm normally not too good with memories but being surrounded by Darkness always brings me back to a certain time and I think that that's the key that sometimes the darkness or soothing things or having less of an information overload can be able to be relaxing and when you're in a relaxed State your memories can detangle themselves and you can be able to pull out information that you may not be able to when you're in a high stress situation I think that for ker there's more to it than just this but for a lot of people they experience information overload and the digital circus is exactly that all of these bright colors all of these noises things constantly being a barrage happening to us that we're constantly having to juggle to perform with everyone else around us and sometimes that can be so overwhelming that we can end up discombobulated or in this case face abstracted right after my wife had abstracted I don't recall the exact string of events but we both ended up in the fort together and it was dark the darkness seemed to calm her down a bit and I think that that's why for kinger he also was able to be more calm and I don't think that it's just the darkness this calm place but also the memories of his wife that he has in this calm place where he can find himself again the harsh Jagged Ed just smoothed out and she didn't seem aggravated anymore she was calm enough to touch one last time before she got sent to the cellar I'm always taken back to that moment when engulfed in darkness I think that it's that traumatic memory that traumatic experience of having his wife become abstracted becoming this creature that he still recog IED but wasn't her and then having that loss we can after going through extreme traumas have disorganized memories not be able to process things have lapses in the way that we speak and the way that we cope with things and so for me that would be the reason that ker is going through this the reactions to this extreme loss and then it would also make sense of why in this darkness in this place that reminds him of his pillow fort of where he can feel calm and soothed you had a wife like here in the circus yeah and that explains why he spends so much time in his pillow for it a lot of times we do we want to spend time with the things that remind us with the people that we've lost or the people that we miss and we might hold on to objects or memories or places that bring us back make us feel emotionally closer and that is soothing and healthy and something that you can do a lot of people are trying to help people mourn things faster at a pace that someone else feels is comfortable and that's a horrible thing to do if someone has a shrine or an area or objects please please do not get rid of them or destroy them or make someone feel bad or mock them because of this this is something that they hold dear and it's really Soul crushing to have someone else mock that make fun of it or even destroy it or get rid of something before you are ready everyone has a right to be able to mourn in the way that they feel most comfortable even if you don't agree with it she was funny creative really into anology I used to hate bugs but she somehow got me to like them and that's true also when someone else especially someone that we care about likes something we often start to like it as well we start to especially for those of us that are more of the empathic area we start to be able to see the world through their eyes and enjoy it because we're seeing it through a different lens and when you care a lot about someone you want to enjoy the things that they enjoy kind of a merging of two lives and two experiences and so it makes sense of why ker really likes Bugs these little callbacks of bugs and his reactions to them it's not the most cheerful memory but it's one I at least have control over this is a memory that he has control over and so that increases my thoughts that this this is his link of why he's able to be more calm in this place now I know how I can feel in this circus sometimes it all just feels pointless yeah but it's not not if you have people who care about you good memories can do a lot hold on to them and cherish the people people around you you never know when they'll be gone in this world the worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved it it's just it's so interesting to me that it's kinger that gives this so very poignant and true advice that what matters to us is the people that we care about and the people that are around us not all of the stuff the things that we often chase the titles the SP sparkly things the fame the fortune the money those things don't matter it's the people that bring us joy and peace and I love that he takes this moment to be able to help pomy remember that no matter what's happening around you what kind of chaos that you're dealing with you want to be able to have these anchoring points to be able to ground yourself and remind yourself of the things that truly matter we can often get so caught up in the digital circus that we end up losing the pieces that act matter the things that when we look back on our life we will say that we wish that we did more of if you're not going to say to yourself I wish I spent more time at work then don't that I wish that I had my house even cleaner if you're not ever going to say that no one ever says that that isn't what matters it's the people it's the memories it's the experiences so make sure to spend your time and your efforts in what does matter I'm glad you're here with [Music] me you know I've been think about that last tape that's his coping mechanism and that's often what happens to our brain with traumatic memories often we can't remember them it's the way that our brain helps us be able to process things if they're too overwhelming too painful for us and so that's what I think is the cue for why kinger doesn't have all of his memories because having them come back might be too hurtful for him and he may not be able to cope or deal with it and it is what can can happen to people a lot of people may not have certain periods of their life that they can remember or their childhoods and often that's because they're just too painful so sometimes our brain tries to protect us by hiding things away until we're ready to be able to process it but I don't think that he's doing this actively or purposely I think that it's more that this is the reaction the way that his brain is dealing with this so I don't think that this is really a choice that he's chosen not to remember it that the thing that distresses you you don't have to think about is that he does have a certain amount of knowledge that that is what's happening to him if we leave and we go back to the circus you're just going to go back to being crazy see I don't love the word crazy I know that they all use it but he's not crazy he's hurt he's gone through trauma and it's a very common thing to be able to process things in different ways we often use the word crazy to describe things that we don't understand or that scares us and I think that in media that's often been demonized and I think that it does more of a disservice so I don't love that word I would have rathered that she said you'll go back to being the way that you were or not remembering things or will lose the parts of you that I've just gotten to know and really enjoy you're not going to remember any of this are you don't worry about me as long as you remember it things will be okay it's just so sad to me I don't know why um but we often carry the memories of the people that we've lost it's just kind of sad to think about how all of this wonderful exchange that they've both had together that he won't remember it and my hope is that there'll be pieces of it that he does remember that it's actually stored there and this reminds me a little bit about people that are going through or have a loved one that are dealing with Dementia that they're not going to remember that the people will carry on that memory memory for them inside of us to be able to live through their memories but not just remember the things that are sad but the beautiful parts of them you wouldn't want someone to have your memory only be a part of sadness to be able to have joy and to remember the tenants the lessons that you've learned that someone else can carry on and that is a good thing for ker he might not remember the specifics of what happened but I'm hoping that he'll remember the emotions the feelings that are there and that's the thing that often people can still carry on and so this happy experience and this closeness with pomy I'm hoping will continue on in the series you're very strong pomy and I know you'll be able to get through this just hold on to me we'll get through it together like the perfect words to say that's isn't that what everyone wants from that parental figure someone that they look up to that you're brave I believe in you um that you can be able to do this and then that hand like here I am to be able to help you through this you don't have to worry you're not alone love that you're [Music] ready and I love that he's that glowing light when we were talking about um the angels and the eyes and so then you see him and he's this kind of glowing light that's lighting the way for pomy and the way out and I think that those words of wisdom and that kind of angelic light that he has and he has like these giant I know these giant eyeballs that's like similar to the eyeballs of the angels I just think that the symbology of that is also really beautiful and being able to take that path to another level which we can do psychologically when we understand ourselves and we've been able to face the things that we've been running from and be able to be successful ful with them and for pomy it's also going through believing in herself and being able to accomplish something and when you do it success or failure you want to be proud that you [Music] tried I don't know how they knew to like stop breathing at that point but okay fine fine I oh py kinger are you guys okay was it scary I'm fine actually pomy was very brave at least I think she was see so there are some little tiny pieces that ker still remembers there's these little ephemeral memories to it that he still gets to keep were you something like that I wonder if he actually does remember a little bit like that seemed like he was meaning it and wanting pomy to actually say it so is he not letting on as much as he has his memory like I have to kind of question that just to touch that maybe he is putting on that he's lost his memory more than he actually has possibility so what was it like being stuck with the nutcase it wasn't that bad actually don't love her answer to that that even though it was really scary but her re interaction with kinger was actually really enlightening literally and beautiful and I think bonding and I think that he helped her through a situation that was really difficult so that she could learn about herself and some life lessons at the same time so I wish that she said enlightening and wonder F and there's so much more to kinger than meets the eye and I just think about him going into his little tiny pillow fort and now going in there has a completely different feeling because you know that when he's there he's there with the memories of Queenie his wife and I think that that's really beautiful you don't want to get lost in those places but you want to be able to visit them and enjoy it and so I look at this scene and know that he's at peace if you hate ads more than being abstracted or love me as much as kinger loves his wife wouldn't that be lovely or want to hear all the Saucy words that I can't put because of YouTube then get nebula if you like this video you can also check out my Arcane Wednesday the boys last of us all adree sponsor free on nebula just like all the videos on nebula that's the whole purpose of nebula it's a place where you can get high quality 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from the most awesome nebula creators just by clicking on the link below so thank you so much to nebula for helping support my channel and hopefully I'll see you in the next video so those are my thoughts of kinger and why he's lost his memory and if he is crazy or not you can let me know what your thoughts are on kinger and if you believe in my psychological theory or you have your own let me know