Hello everyone and welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia Gogan, the host of the Glow Up Secrets podcast, where I help you expand your mind and become more self-aware so that you can glow up into the best version of yourself. Hello, how are we doing?
I'm not going to say happy Monday because I don't know when this episode is going to come out. It is probably going to come out before Monday because if you guys did not listen to the last episode, the entire thing, then clearly you just don't love me. I'm joking.
The end of that episode, I said that I will be changing the schedule to post whenever I feel like it because I feel like that's just how I create content, really. And so why not just edit and post the episode as soon as I can? So you might see some sporadic episodes here and there. Just know that you're going to get all the episodes that you need.
Make sure that you're following. Make sure that you're subscribed. All the good stuff. But the OGs, you guys will be here exactly when you need it. With that said, today is actually Monday that I'm recording and it is July 1st, which I live in Canada.
So happy Canada Day. And I just have to say before we get into this episode, okay guys, I'm feeling so good about July. Okay. I'm feeling so good about it.
I'm feeling so good about it in terms of like the collective. I feel like the first six months of this year, like, you know, we were, we were getting out of the dumps a little bit. Okay.
We had really good times. We had highs. We had some lows. But I feel like moving into the next six months, I feel like we are really tapped in. I feel like we have a better footing.
We have like two feet on the ground, like we're ready to go. Not super quickly, but we're like in a good flow. I don't know. That's just how I'm feeling. And I would like to assume that's going to be how the six months will come, even though I'm sure there's going to be highs and lows because that is life.
But we are resilient, which is kind of bringing me into today's episode because listen. I've been seeing a lot of your guys's comments, okay? You guys are very engaged and y'all let me know what's going on. And a lot of you guys always are struggling with facing fears, afraid of failure, afraid of setting boundaries, afraid of being seen, afraid of a financial collapse, afraid, afraid, afraid.
And I feel like I have a pretty good process that I sat down and really thought about when it comes to facing fears because I have fears as well. I have to face them. I have to... continuously use this process on myself in the times that I feel like I'm, you know, getting in my own way.
And I want to bring that to you guys to give you guys some advice when it comes to facing your fears, because at the end of the day, we know our fears are the things that keep us stuck. That's it. You know, we are so on the pursuit of changing and up-leveling and healing and manifesting and all these things. And what happens in the process of us wanting to evolve is these things.
get in the way, which are our fears. We're afraid. We don't know. We sabotage. We take the freaking longest road to actually get exactly where we need to go.
And I want to give you guys some mindset shifts and hopefully this can help you when it comes to facing fears in your life. Now, fears are very complex. Okay. So I'm going to give you advice based off of what I have applied in my own life, but understand that the information that you get, whether it's from me or anyone online or in a textbook or at school or anything on paper, whatever, even if it's not on paper, it's going to translate a little bit differently in real life.
Meaning there are nuances. You are going to have to go into the world. You're going to have to try. You're going to find what works for you.
You're going to see that that maybe piece of advice over there didn't work this, that, and the third. Or when you're taking in information and you're trying to use this to help you up-level your life, understand that. You applying knowledge or advice or whatever, it's probably not going to be a seamless, flawless process.
And you need to really discern what works for you and what doesn't. And I'm going to be reading out some of your guys'fears to give you a perspective based off of the process that I usually use when it comes to facing fears, hopefully to help you guys. You guys gave me a lot of fears and I'm not gonna be able to read through all of them, but I compiled a lot that I feel like... are pretty common amongst everyone so we're gonna go through all of that as well but i just wanted to disclaim that because i really want you to understand that the first step of you honestly even facing fears but Getting the things you want in your life and transforming really starts with you taking your personal power back and deciding what works for you in your life and what advice or what knowledge you want to implement in your life or not.
So let's talk about my two-step process. And when I mean steps, in real life, the way this translates is not, okay, I have a fear, I'm going to think this way and then think this way and then all of a sudden the fear is going to go away. This is what I mean.
Real life happens. You're an emotional being. You have deep-rooted fears from childhood, which I want to talk about really at the end of this episode so that you don't feel like you are set up to fail in your life when you attain this certain process or knowledge in your life and you try and implement it and then it doesn't work.
Understand that there are so many nuances to you as a human being. But I do want to bring your awareness to two things that are so important when you find you are... stuck in your life due to a fear.
You're afraid of being seen, you're afraid of setting a boundary, you're afraid that the world is going to collapse. The reason why this fear is making you so stagnant in life and it's causing such an issue for you to go, you know, follow your dreams or whatever it is, even if it's in relationships, whatever it is, is really the fact that you are afraid of the outcome if you do fail. You have not learned how to be resilient in moments where the outcome is not essentially what you wanted.
Now, this is not something that we want to even face, obviously. Let's say somebody does disappoint us if we go for love and it turns out to be a complete failure, or we do put ourselves on social media and we don't see the results that we want, or we tell somebody how much we really like them and they reject us, or we do something with business and it just doesn't... work out.
Obviously those are not things that we want to deal with, but the reason why you are always getting in your own way and you don't go for the things that you know you need to go for is because you have not learned how to be okay with that disappointment, that rejection, that, oh my gosh, what am I actually going to do? if this thing doesn't work out. And this is what I want you to focus on. I want you to focus when you have a fear in your life to take its power away.
You give this fear so much power. Now, it is understandable why you would give something such as disappointment or rejection a lot of power, but the reason why you're really doing that is because the feeling that it creates within you, disappointment and rejection, let's say, is something, like I already said, that sometimes you've not actually learned how to build a relationship. be with that emotion, but you might have felt that before. Usually it's in childhood and it wasn't a good experience for you.
You never learned how to be with that. You weren't around somebody who made it okay to even be disappointing at some points in your life, or maybe you didn't have the support that you needed in the times that you did get rejected. There are these big emotions and feelings. that are really behind these fears that you have that you are running away from because you've not either learned how to deal with it or you've just given it so much power as if you can't be resilient when it comes to being rejected.
Like you can't pick yourself back up after things didn't work out a certain way. Yes, you can. And I need you to have that energy when it comes to anything that you're afraid of. I want you to think about, okay, you know what? Will I be okay if this person rejects me?
Will I be okay if this business doesn't work out? Now, your first thought, your first emotion is probably no because it's so scary. But the truth is, if you bring in that logical part of you, yes, you are going to be okay. So it's really good to see what emotion are you actually afraid of?
outcome specifically for your specific fear that you currently have right now are you afraid of? And how can I take my personal power back? Which is the second part of this process, which is reframing to a positive outcome, aka rational optimism. Now let me quickly read a definition so you guys can understand it more.
And you guys are going to see how this process can be applied to a lot of different examples when I read your guys'fears that you guys submitted. So Rational optimism is the practice of taking realistic assessment of what is going on in the world and choosing to be positive and joyful regardless. This does not mean we ignore the obvious, putting our hands in the sand or seeing everything through rose colored glasses. So when I find myself overthinking, analyzing, staying small in my life, I like to see what is the worst possible case.
of this thing actually manifesting and not my favor and will I actually be okay if this thing does manifest and it might be scary but the truth is yes I will. If I have a goal of getting out there in the dating world, if I really want to find the love of my life but I am afraid because I don't want to be rejected, I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want someone to make fun of me for the way that I look, whatever it is.
The first thing I'm going to do is think about how can I lessen its power right now? How can I lessen my fear's power? How can I take my power back? Well, I have to think, if I do get rejected by this person, if they do somehow do me dirty or break my heart, will it hurt?
Yes, it probably will hurt. Will it be uncomfortable? Yes, it probably will be uncomfortable. Will I be disappointed?
Yes, I will. Am I allowed to be disappointed? Am I allowed to be hurt?
Yes, I am. This is rational, okay? Yes, the truth is that outcome might not be the best thing, but optimistic, this is the second half of this, will I be okay?
Could I find love again even after heartbreak? The answer is yes. And when I am in the midst of an actual fear or I'm overthinking something, I'm thinking, I really go back and forth within this process of thinking, okay, well, will I be okay if this thing manifests?
The answer is yes. And this is why, this is what would happen if this thing does manifest and persisting in the belief that things will work out even if it doesn't go exactly the way that I want to. So there's not a point on me stalling. There's not a point in me overthinking.
There's not a point on me living out this. stagnant energy in my life just because I'm afraid of the outcome. I am strong.
I can deal with the outcome. And I think this is something that you guys just need to remind yourself more of. This is something I needed to do with many things in my life.
Even when it comes to leaving my job, my quote unquote, like a corporate, like regular job for social media, everyone says, Oh, I don't know. This is who knows. Well, guess what?
I would rather go for my dreams than sit around. and have this desire to do something, but live my life the entire time not doing it and be super miserable in a job that I hated. Could there be a risk involved of me leaving and doing what, like pursuing social media? Yes, but guess what? Will I be okay?
Let me think about it for a second. Yes, I will. We don't also need to be delusional about the fact that, okay, well, if it doesn't work out, this is how your life will look if it doesn't plan out. But the end of the day, I always come back to optimism.
Well, I'll pick myself back up. Even if there's a downfall, I'm going to pick myself back up. What else am I going to do?
What other option? And I adopted this mindset very young in my life. And I think that you tend to do this when you have no other choice and nobody is saving your ass.
You have no other option but to become rationally optimistic about your life because you have to be optimistic and you have to believe that something is possible for you or... you're not really going to save yourself from the situation at hand. And I needed to save myself in situations a lot in my life. But of course I had to be rational at the same time.
So I had to play out what would happen. And I had to think about, okay, well, this is what I'll do if this doesn't work out, or this is how I'll move through life. If this doesn't work out now, I know a lot of you guys kind of know this, you know, this reframe of, okay, well, if it does pan out, yeah, I will be. But the problem is there's a few problems.
One of it. is that it runs really deep. So you have that deep level of, um, being really afraid of the emotion that's with underneath, which I would highly suggest you potentially get my book or even look at my journal guides when it comes to your fears, because this is very deep rooted. And if you haven't had a lot of practice with actually being in the energy of disappointment or being afraid because of your childhood, because you never learned how to deal with it.
That's important for you to kind of explore that. But the other side of this is you move through life, not leaning on the scale of optimism. You are so trained and you are so addicted to being a pessimist.
You are so addicted to being like, okay, yeah, maybe it could work out, but it probably won't. Yes. I see the option where it could work out, but that's just one in a million.
Oh, it happened for them, but it's not going to happen for me. You're so on the side of being a pessimist. And I want you to ask yourself the question, how is that serving you?
How is being a pessimist serving you? As much as you cry and you say that you don't want to have these fears and you don't want to be stuck in your life, you being stuck in your life and you not going for the things that you want in your life. It is serving you in some way.
It is keeping you comfortable in some way. And a lot of the times it's survival from actually facing the real fear of actual disappointment or actual rejection because you felt it once in childhood or you felt it around somebody where it hurt so bad, you didn't know how to deal with it. Nobody was around you to support you.
No one was there to coddle you. No one was there to help you understand that you are going to be okay, even if you feel that disappointment or rejection. That is what you're running away from. And that is what you need to run directly to. Because what you will do if you do not do that, if you do not know how to learn how to be with your emotions and be with yourself and carry yourself through the times where yes, things can be hard, you will stay stuck for the rest of your life and you'll be running away from yourself all of your life.
And that is what everyone is doing by the way in their lives. This is the human condition. This is what we do. We run away from the things that we fear the most because we have not learned how to actually be with that thing.
So the thing that you're actually running away from is always a thing you want to run right head to. Now, this is no easy task. This is no easy task when you have a part of you that's like, um, excuse me, this is not comfortable.
I'd rather go do a million other things than to go run right into that emotion. But this is what I talk about all the time. I've written about it in my book. This is what I'm always doing within my own life. When I feel something, when I feel afraid, when I feel sad, when I feel nervous, when I feel like I don't know what is going on.
I sit in that. I allow myself to feel. I write it out in my journal.
What am I feeling today? What does my inner child need me to hear? What does my inner child need me to hold her in right now? And this is not something that we're usually taught.
We are taught to suppress, not important, put your feelings to a side, forget about it and go. Well, guess what? That does not work. And I have learned in my life, especially from my father, do not cry.
Do not be afraid. You're not allowed to be afraid. But guess where that got me?
It got me in this rat race of running around and not doing the things that I really wanted to do in my life because I was so afraid of the emotion that would come from the fear of it actually manifesting. But once I got so good at facing that reality of, you know what? If it does manifest, if I do get rejected from this person, if this person does not like me, if this opportunity doesn't work out, if...
This money doesn't come through. I'm going to be okay. You know why? Because I got me the way that nobody got me when I was younger.
I'm going to be there for myself the way nobody was when I first got rejected in my life. When I first got disappointed by my parents not showing up for me. When I first felt that heartbreak and I didn't know what to do and I was running to the wrong people or I was, you know, suppressing my emotions. Now in my life, I got me.
But once you learn how to face your emotions head on, that is when the game changes. That is when you can stop yourself in the moment when you're overthinking something or you're about to stop yourself because you have that fear and you say, you know what? I could be with myself in that emotion if it happens. It is not going to be easy. I am not saying that this is a nice ride when it happens, but I can do that.
And how you get good at feeling the confidence to be able to face that emotion or that fear is your everyday life. You stop ignoring your feelings. You stop ignoring what is truly happening within yourself. You don't feel good today.
Let it out. You need to express something, express it to yourself, express it in your journal, express it to the people that you need to express it to. And this takes practice. This takes every day showing up for yourself.
And what I'm really saying is I want to be there for my inner child that's feeling that emotion. And I am no longer going to run away from her when she feels those emotions, when real things happen in her life. Because that is exactly why I'm so afraid in the first place is that young part of me expects.
experienced that hurt and that pain once in her life and she did not have somebody stand up for her she did not have somebody be there for her she did not have somebody hold her and tell her she was going to be okay even through the hardest moments of her life but no more and you need to understand that young version of yourself is still in you today when you are about to face a fear When you are wanting something so desperately in your life, but you're so afraid to go for it So let me read out some of your guys's fears I'm going to help you take its power away as much as I can and help you reframe it and any other advice or things That I come up with I will give you and again This is just my own advice and I think what i'm going to do is actually read it as if I Was experiencing the fear and honestly i've been through a lot of these fears So i'm just speaking out of personal experience. Like I just said, okay, so someone said They have a fear of not getting into graduate school. The first thing that I always like to do, which I've basically been saying, and I really want you to think about this when it comes to any fear that you have and any of the questions that I'm answering is, what are you actually afraid of? Because you're not afraid of not getting into grad school. You're afraid of Probably disappointing people.
You're afraid of not being successful in your life, which means what? What does that mean if you're not successful in your life? It means that you don't have a roof over your head.
It means that you're going to be a disappointment to your parents. It means that you're not going to find the love of your life. It means that whatever it is, I want you to really get down to what you are actually afraid of.
And what I like to do when I get to the root of what... it is I'm actually afraid of. This is a great time to have a journal practice with that young part of you that is actually feeling that.
And you could read my book and learn a little bit about parts work because I do talk about parts work in my book, or you can get the book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. This really dives into those parts of you that are very young. Maybe they're even older, but they tend to be pretty young that maybe they're holding onto an experience or once where you actually felt real rejection or you felt disappointment or something and you can kind of bring your consciousness to that specific area of your life and you can kind of journal from that place allow your inner child to speak and whatever it needs to say like I'm afraid of this happening again or you know what were some affirmations that you actually needed in that moment like what was really going on there really getting to that root of it and allowing that emotion to be expressed like yes there's probably one point in your life that you maybe disappointed your parent and they reacted in a bad way and you felt so ashamed or you felt embarrassed and now you are protecting yourself from ever feeling that again and maybe that situation your parent didn't even know that or your parent actually didn't mean harm but your young part of you does not know that until you get into the root of that feeling there are just certain things that your part is going to need to hear from you uniquely that i can't even fully give you because i don't exactly know what that pinpoint emotion really is but spending some time with that part of you is very very huge because if not most likely you're just gonna keep going through life with the same fear unless you kind of go a little bit deeper and then the second part of this is Reframing this right just being very Rationally optimistic so you are afraid of not getting into graduate school and this is now my real subjective advice or perspective of what I would tell myself and honestly things that I kind of did when it came to my college experience I didn't ever get rejected from a place but there are times where I needed to take some time off to figure out what I wanted to do so when things would not work out I would do a few things I would one assess why I didn't get in is there something that I need to work on whether it's like my grades or maybe is it this actual school that I want like I would really assess the situation as to what needs to be changed so that I can reapply and actually make it. If I was fully rejected from, let's say, all my schools and there wasn't really a chance of me going this year, I would take this as an opportunity to work on any academics that I need to be working on during the summer. I would be getting a job to make sure that I'm saving money.
I would really capitalize on this time that I have before I have to go back into school for how many years. I would really look at the positives. of this situation.
And I know the first thing you want is to get in, but you have to be that rational optimist in these times where things are not working out because the truth is, if you want to, and this is more so like manifesting. So if you don't believe in this, this is fine. But I think that even if you're religious, you can kind of think about it in the sense of things are working out for you.
Even if you do not see it right now, there is a reason why this is happening. So stay. positive, stay in this energy of working on yourself and preparing yourself for the time that it comes that you are going to go to graduate school. Having that mindset is going to get you way farther than you being like, my life is over. My life is over.
My life is over. My life is over because what are you going to do? Your habits are going to follow that mindset, which are probably not going to prepare you the best you possibly could for when it comes time for you to reapply or for some reason, something changes in your life.
And like I said about manifestation, you tend to manifest things based off of what you're thinking and how you're moving through life. So you want to be thinking good thoughts. You want to be expecting good outcomes and you want to be aligned, meaning you want to pour back into yourself.
Things will change. And this is the mindset that you want to have when it comes to taking your fear's power away, right? So if you are afraid of getting into graduate school, have this type of mindset. When you have this type of mindset.
You're going to find that your fear lessens because you know, well, okay, if I don't get in, this is my second option. And it seems like a great option over here too. So I'm going to be good and you will find your fears lessen. And in my personal opinion, you manifest a lot of your fears when you continuously think about it.
So it's so good that you reframe the things that you are afraid of so that you don't keep inviting it more into your life. Someone said they have a fear of being rude when I'm really just. implementing my boundaries with my family.
I would say, can you hold space for them thinking that you are rude? Because I think that that's what you're pushing against right now. When you're wanting to hold up boundaries when it comes to family or even friends, what you're really afraid of, again, this is very blanket, but especially in this example, you're afraid of them looking at you as rude.
Okay, so what if they do? Can you be okay with that? Can you be okay with the fact that not everyone's going to like you?
No, you can't. That's why you have this fear. So it's about being comfortable with the fact that not everyone's going to like you.
And then what follows is, will you be okay if not everyone likes you? And your first visceral response will probably be, no, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. But really that is rooted probably back somewhere in childhood. But also is that the actual reality of your life right now?
Will you not be okay if that person down the street judges you or your family member no longer likes you, rejects you, feels disappointed from you? The rational truth of that is you will be okay, but you just won't be okay or comfortable with the feeling of discomfort and the rejection that comes from a parent not liking you. And it is real.
It is real. And you have to honor that. Be okay with that. Allow the duality of yes. Oh my gosh.
Imagine a life where my parents don't like me. That is a hard life to live. It is not comfortable.
It is not what any of us wants. But what is important in the situation is you live out your truth. You know that.
You know you need to be setting those boundaries. So how are you going to show up for your inner child who is deathly afraid of being rejected from a parent? How can you be your own best friend?
How can you be? your own parent because the truth is in this life there are gonna be hard things that you have to come to terms with and it's not going to be easy but you can get through it it's either that or you continue to live a life of being completely inauthentic and you hold in these feelings and you no longer live your life for yourself and you live it for other people who most likely if they're not allowing you to hold a boundary, they don't have their own boundaries put in place and they do not know how to set their own in their own lives. And a reframe can also be thinking about the best case scenario. Maybe the best case scenario is you set boundaries with your family.
It is uncomfortable. It is not the best. Maybe some people don't this, that, whatever. They don't like you or they have an opinion on this, but maybe that's the best thing for you. We already know that's the best thing for you, but the best thing for your entire family unit.
that down the line, that actually creates a stronger bond with you guys. Why do we always have to go to the negative again, right? Like I said, we're so addicted to worst case, worst case, worst case.
This is going to be the worst thing and it's not going to turn out well and they're going to hate me. What if they don't? And listen, if they do, the best case for you is you don't internalize it. You don't internalize the fact that somebody doesn't like you because you set a boundary. That's the best case.
Someone said they have a fear of being alone, which is everyone's fear at some point. The best way to stop being afraid of being alone is to learn how to be alone. Now, will this fix the entirety of needing human connection and longing for that partner or longing for that family?
Absolutely not. That is not what we are trying to do here. But if you are deathly afraid of being alone, it's impacting your day-to-day habits.
You don't know how to be alone and you're... creating these codependent relationships or unhealthy relationships, it is important that you learn how to actually face the reality of being alone. And there might be a valid reason as to why you're afraid of being alone. You might be afraid of being alone because when you once experienced being alone, it was the worst possible thing you could ever feel within yourself. And you've been running away all your life, not trying to feel that deep emptiness, which is so understandable.
But what I've found that's very helpful in my life is to be with that part of me that has never fully experienced what it actually means to be alone. Being alone does not need to feel like a jail cell the way that it once felt in childhood. When I felt alone in childhood, that's what it felt like.
It felt like somebody locked me up and put me away and they forgot about me and I was never gonna get out and I was so afraid and so confused as to why I was even alone. That's not how you have to experience being alone with yourself now in your adult life. But you have to be the one to differentiate between whether it is your inner child that's running away from that fear or your adult self. And usually it's that young child that does not know how to experience being alone.
So of course you're going to be running away from it. And so the best thing that I did. for myself is to be there with that young part of me that needed somebody or something or to look at it in a different way and know that it's not about being in a jail cell and becoming my own best friend has really helped me in these times where i feel like it is that jail cell feeling of being alone but also on the flip side understanding that i need to meet my inner child's need of not wanting to be alone with real connection because at the end of the day you Yes, we're not meant to be alone. Yes, we need to go out in the world and we need to have those connections, whether it's friendships or romantic or whatever it is, you are not meant to be alone. Also, coming back to that reframe, there's 8 billion people in this world and there's no chance on earth that I will end up alone.
And the last thing to take this pressure off of the fear of being alone is, let's stop putting time on this. Let's stop having time urgency on these things. I have to be with somebody by this age or I have to be in a marriage by this age or I need to have a family started at this time. Take it away. I promise you it will lessen your fears.
Okay, let's run through these a little bit quicker because I know my camera is going to die or overheat. And I feel like I've explained a lot about the process of thinking through your fears, which I just want you guys to sit down and really think about these fears instead of just. Declaring them declaring them as if yep, this is my fear and that's that i'm not really saying that that's what you guys do But I feel like I used to do that a lot of just being like well I'm, just afraid of being seen or i'm afraid that i'm not gonna have enough money and it's like, okay well, why am I afraid and what will happen if I That does happen and will I be okay? And what's the alternative and okay, you know what i'm gonna go To that mindset anytime that I actually have this fear pop up and i'm gonna redirect my mind redirect my mind re redirect your mind when it comes to these things which is the most important thing so someone said constantly in fear of financial collapse i live paycheck to paycheck so yeah what will you do if you clap will you be okay i want you to think that out and i'm not saying this like oh you will or you won't but genuinely think it out will you be okay if you collapse what will happen what is your plan if that will happen What would you realistically do?
Because I know what I would do if my YouTube doesn't work out or my podcast or whatever. I go get a job. You know why? Because I have skills.
I'm a hard worker. I will figure it out like I always do. But you have to wire your brain to be more focused on the positive outcome than the negative. And that is what you do when you have constant fears about something.
You're so in the... Well, this is going to happen. It's going to be the worst thing. I'm going to collapse. I'm going to collapse.
Why not reprogram your mind every single time you think about going for something that you're afraid of? Why don't you program your mind to win? What if it works out?
What if I make more money than I ever even thought? What if I build a business that changes the world? What if they approve me?
What if it works out exactly the way that I need to? But you're too afraid to do that. You're too afraid to what?
Be disappointed. If you actually thought positively about that fear and it turns out that it didn't work out. So then what?
You want to be resilient and being okay with the fact that yes, that might not work out. You will be okay. I will be okay if I think positively about something and it doesn't work out.
I would rather do that in my life than to think negatively because I'm too afraid of the disappointment that will come if that thing doesn't work out. I'm good. It doesn't get you anywhere. I promise you that.
Also, when it comes to the fear of finances and, you know, being broke and that, which is such a fear, like like everyone's always like in fear of these main things of finding love or living or, you know, making money, this, that and the third. I think that it's really important that you saturate your mind with people who have made it, people who are successful, people who are telling you it's possible. Stop igniting your brain with things that are negative.
You are probably somebody who is watching and and maybe you're not. So, like, I don't want to like. be negative also, but as just coming from personal experience, and this is what I see, you're probably somebody who is consuming some sort of content, or you're having some sort of conversation, or you are dialed into the most negative conversations when it comes to life when it comes to money, right?
So I want you to go find those people. And this is what to be magnetic, which is a great manifestation podcast. If you're really interested in manifestation, the science behind it, human behavior, things of that sort, things that are not just up in the air. Sometimes people don't believe in manifesting and stuff, but I would suggest you go listen to our podcast, but they talk about having expanders, which is important when it comes to manifesting, because you've never seen it happen.
It's going to be hard for you to convince your mind that it's. able to happen for you. And so finding people who are similar to you that maybe even have an upbringing similar to you or have gone through similar experiences, even if they haven't, that's fine. You always want to look up to people who have what you want.
Stop listening to people who are feeding you either lies or scarcity, or it's not going to happen, or it's going to be hard enough with it. It never, listen, take it from somebody who's been successful in a few areas of her life, at least. It didn't get me anywhere. watching people who would complain about the fact that it takes forever to grow on YouTube or, oh, it's not a set out for a lot of people, this, that.
No, it's bullshit. It's all fear. Everyone is living in fear and people are constantly spewing out limiting beliefs and just constant limiting things. Okay.
You have to be careful. Even when it comes to me, everyone has a bias and everyone has a limiting belief, but I do my best to try and be as optimistic as I can. you know, give that to other people because that's what's helped me. And that's what I'll continue to do. Someone said fear of marrying the wrong person, getting divorced, someone cheating, someone dying, which is again, another big fear.
And I think that that is the, the probably the biggest fear that I've been facing this year in my life. My 28th year on this earth is death. I feel like that the times really hit me, um, this year, which is crazy because I have looked death in the face multiple times in my loved ones. And I've experienced actually having a parent pass away.
And I've also had a lot of ailments that I really genuinely thought was going to end me. And sometimes I look at those things, which I'm not even trying to laugh, but I'm like, I would have thought that I would be more afraid then. And it doesn't mean that I was not afraid when I have gone through such traumatic things, but... It's crazy to experience the feeling that I feel when it comes to losing a loved one and or, you know, the fact coming to the realization that one day I'm not going to be here.
It's scary. It is like the most like real thing that's just made me think a lot this past year and created a lot of anxiety within my life. And so what I'll say to that is, you know, you got to let yourself feel. The emotion that is the loss and the grief and the sadness that will come if that happens, you know, you losing a loved one or you, you know, being cheated on or the divorce happened, like it is real shit and it is gonna hurt. It is gonna hurt and it does hurt and I've been through it and that shit hurts, okay?
Even if I can't understand why certain things are happening, they're happening for whatever reason, even if I can't figure out that reason. And That is something that every single person on this earth faces and has to face at one point. And I try and remind myself that what I'm here to do right now is not continuously waste the time that I have being in such fear of the reality of what is, which is death, which is loss, which is heartbreak, which is whatever. I would... not want to strip myself from the present moment.
What is the point on creating more suffering? That is what suffering is, is taking a real pain and continuing to drag it on or to create the actual feeling of pain when it's not even happened yet. It's not manifested.
It might not even ever manifest. And even when it comes to things like relationship stuff or fear of divorce or this, that, coming back to... that's a real possibility will you be okay will you get up from the dumps of what that will feel like if it happens yes you will as long as you believe that you will it's not to say that's going to be easy but another thing is is like i said we kind of manifest our biggest fears so doing your best to not try to invite that into your life and usually we're afraid of these things because it's happened in the past You know, or maybe you saw your parents, that happened as well.
And understanding and differentiating whether this is your actual fear that you want to continue to take on in your life, or is this something that you want to leave in your past? And it's going to be an act of you redirecting your mind to the positive. It's going to be you thinking, oh, well, what if this happens?
Or what if I get cheated on? Or what if this divorce happens? Or what if it turns out exactly the way that I actually want deep down? Or what if it doesn't actually turn into divorce and it turns into this most... beautiful marriage that no one's ever seen before.
Let's try and do our best to focus on that. That's what I do in my life. You don't think that I have seen the shittiest relationships in my life.
You don't think that I've seen the brokest times ever. I've lived the brokest times ever. Just know that I have.
I have seen, like I said, I have seen death in front of me. multiple times and if you don't understand what I mean, I mean I've seen people overdose in front of me and I still do the best that I possibly can in my life To hope for the best for others but even myself to hope for life that things will work out that people will live a long life that people can change that people will Grow that people will be healthy and that they will sustain and they will live life and they will go on I can move through the mere reality of losing a parent and being like Well, I'm going to lose everyone that's important to me or one day this is going to end. And the truth is, yes, one day that's going to end. But you know what?
I choose to believe that the way that's going to end is not going to be as hurtful as it was when it ended that way. Or I choose to believe that just because this happened in my past does not mean that it's going to dictate my future. But it's an active redirecting your thoughts.
And the last thing I'll say about this is. When things don't work out in my life, some of the hardest things that I've ever witnessed, the biggest losses I've ever lost in my life, or the hardest pain that I've ever felt, those things make me who I am today. Even though I would never want that to ever happen to me, or experience the way that I experienced it, or to have other people experience it. But the truth is, that's my story, and that's what I went through.
And when I look at the hardest times that I've been through, through that lens, that propels me forward in life and that creates resilience, that creates a story, that creates a path for me. And I would rather use the things that I've gone through in my life to propel me forward than the things that I have gone through my life as somewhere that's going to continue to keep me stuck because I am not here to be stuck in my life. Just because, and I say this at the end of my book, just because you got this deck of cards right here, okay? Full deck of cards, your parents, genetics, your environment that you were in, the bullies that were around you, the brain that you have that doesn't process information as quick as the other kids in school, whatever it is, that's your deck of cards. But who said that you can't up-level it and change it when you want?
Well, society has not taught you that you can do that, which is understandable. There are people around you that have their own limiting beliefs and tell you that you can't have what you want in your life. But what I learned at a very young age is that's not going to be my story.
I don't like this story. I don't like this deck of cards to be honest and can I escape every single part of this reality? No, but I can do my damn near best to focus on what I can control and the cards that I can change and I will continue to do that until this entire deck is completely different.
And guess what? In my life, it is completely different than the deck that was handed to me. And why? Because I decided to look at the positive instead of look at the negative all the time.
And this is not saying this is going to be a hop, skip and a jump to your best life, right? This is real shit. This is you going through your actual emotions and showing up and being there for yourself and things not working out and things being confusing and things hurting and you losing time.
And I was sick for like so many years of my life, okay? I felt like I lost a lot of my life. I lost a lot of time with parents. I didn't have a lot of time with a parent.
There's many things, but I still choose to look at my life as, you know what, that is my life. And I'm not going to go through life and be like, oh, I lost all this time or, oh, regrets or I can't let go. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that to myself. And when I say I'm not doing that to myself, I say that I'm not doing it to my younger self because she doesn't deserve that.
And your younger self does not deserve that as well. If you can't even do it for yourself, then do it for your inner child. Do it for your younger self that never got the things that they deserved in their life.
Okay, another thing. Somebody said they have a fear of gaining weight. This definitely runs deep. I talk about this in my book when it comes to self-hate and our inner critics and where they come from.
And I actually give you practices, journal practices in my book. When it comes to uncovering your shadow, shadow work is really good for insecurities, but at the end of the day, you have to face that fear of the reality of you not being liked or picked or wanted. And most likely you're protecting yourself from not being picked or liked or wanted in your life. So you are definitely afraid to make a mistake or definitely afraid to be made fun of this, that, and nobody likes to be made fun of. I don't like to be made fun of, but In my life, I know that if somebody doesn't like me for me, if somebody doesn't like the way that I look, the way that I act, the way that I dress, it's not a me problem.
It's simply they don't appreciate the thing that I have in this life and that is that. And I don't need to live for other people. All right, y'all, my camera died. So I don't really remember where I was when it comes to the gaining weight thing. But at the end of the day, you're allowed to gain weight.
And I would also consider the judgment and standards that you're actually holding for yourself because that's really what it is, is you're not allowing yourself to gain weight. You're not allowing yourself to have flaws. You're not allowing yourself to be a human. Why? Where is that running deep from?
And ask yourself, do you really want to live life where you're not allowed to be human? Because I don't think that that's the life that you really want to live. And a lot of the times we're the ones that are actually keeping that jail cell locked. You can open that right now, baby.
You can open that right now and say, you know what? I'm allowed to be human. I don't need to be perfect.
And quite frankly, I no longer want to spend time around people who have that same standard for me. I want to be around people who unconditionally love me, that understand that I am not perfect. Okay, someone said, fear that I'm wasting my time in my 20s, not accomplishing things. And then someone also said, they're 33 with a lot of things to do and they feel like they've wasted their life.
And I think that everything that I said in this episode is really probably already giving you the advice that you need. But you just need to remind yourself that there's no rule book. There's really no rule book, but the one that you have created in your head based off other people.
Based off of you comparing yourself, based off of somebody telling you that you should be more further along than you are. So change the rule book. If you don't want to feel like you have ran out of time in your life, then change the rule book.
Who even wrote this in the first place? Also, if you feel like you've wasted a lot of time in your life and there's just so much to do, like you have two options. You either decide to continue to wallow in the fact that you have wasted time and... continue to waste more time because that's what you do when you're caught up in the fact that you've wasted time or you can just do the thing that you really want to do because at the end of the day you're going to continue to try and do that thing because you're a human being and you're always programmed to want more and to follow your desires and also understand that the time is going to pass anyways so there's really not a point in continuing the suffering that you are creating for yourself by continuing to dwell in the past in things that haven't even happened yet.
Okay, so that's all the fears that I'm going to read out today. There were so many fears, but I do think that this episode probably gave you enough advice. I just want to reiterate this thing when it comes to facing fears.
It runs deep and I want you to get to that core wound because there is one. It's not actually the fact that you're going to gain weight. It's what it will mean to other people or your worth to other people. If that thing happens, which is rooted to something that you once felt somewhere in your life, or you've watched it happen to other people and you do not want to feel that within yourself. In which I would say, face that emotion.
Face the reality of, yes, maybe people will not like you. Will you be okay? Maybe there will be disappointment in your life. Will you be okay?
Maybe you will have to feel alone in your life. Will you be okay? Well, you will be okay if you start to program your mind to think more optimistic.
Think about the positive. Think about how you can spin this into your favor. How could this actually be working out exactly in your favor?
How could you look at this as this is the exact piece of puzzle that I needed to make this entire picture and it's going to work out exactly the way that it's meant to? I would highly suggest you take a look at your life and you think about it like that because if not... then you're just going to be creating more suffering than you need. And quite frankly, you've probably been suffering a lot in your life already and there's no need for it. So set yourself free.
And I think probably the next episode, I'm not sure, but within the next few episodes, I want to talk about how to be more emotionally mature. So I'll kind of dive a little bit more deeper into emotions because I feel like genuinely the reason why we don't do a lot of things in our lives is because we are afraid of that feeling. And... Once you get good at actually just being with yourself through the times where you do feel afraid or you feel grief or loss or these really hard things that are real and that make you not feel good. But once you can get comfortable with those things, you will be unstoppable.
You genuinely will. It doesn't mean that you will not feel those things once in your life. It doesn't mean that you will not hate every second of it, but you will be more resilient and you will be more confident in your life.
And That's just what I do in my life when I'm not feeling the best or you know when I'm feeling anxious about something or I'm overthinking something or if I'm worried that something's not going to work out I remind myself that I'm going to be okay if that thing don't work out. It's not going to feel good. It's going to be uncomfortable.
I'm probably going to have a good cry. I might have to rebrand my life but you know what something beautiful will come out of that thing and that's what I'm going to leave it at. So I hope you guys enjoyed and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.