Lecture Notes: Alisa Volkman and Rufus Griscom's Talk on Parenting
Introduction
- Speakers: Alisa Volkman (AV) and Rufus Griscom (RG)
- Topic: Parenting taboos and their personal journey
- Context: Birth of their son Declan, launching Babble, and initial experiences with parenting
Background
- Previous Work: Ran a website called Nerve.com
- Tagline: "literate smut"
- Topics: Sex and culture
- Spawned a dating site
- Transition to Parenting: Experience led them to create Babble to discuss parenting honestly
The Importance of Honesty
- Continuity: Approach to both Nerve and Babble focuses on honest conversations
- Taboos in Parenting: More taboos around parenting than around sex
- Reality vs. Expectation: Glossy images vs. actual experiences
Four Parenting Taboos
- Taboo #1: Not Falling in Love Immediately with Your Baby
- Experience: RG's initial feelings were deep affection but not immediate profound love
- Charting Love: Love as a non-binary process
- Impact: Men may feel their emotional response is inadequate
- Taboo #2: Loneliness of Having a Baby
- Experience: AV felt loneliness and isolation post-birth
- Survey: 58% of mothers report loneliness, especially with children ages 0-5
- Cultural Practices: Example from Southern India - jholabhari
- Pregnant women live with their mothers till several months post-birth
- Taboo #3: Miscarriage
- Personal Story: AV had a miscarriage at five months
- Commonality: 15-20% of pregnancies result in miscarriage
- Feelings of Shame: Many women feel shame and hide miscarriages even from their spouses
- Taboo #4: Decline in Average Happiness Post-Childbirth
- Research: Drop in marital satisfaction until the first child goes to college
- Moment-to-Moment Experience: Mixed highs and lows with children
Additional Considerations
- Bonus Taboo: Spouses Working Together
- Challenges: Venture capitalists usually avoid investing in husband-wife businesses
- Solution: Making it work due to passion for both work and relationship
Final Thoughts
- Adjusting Expectations: Proper expectation management can lead to a gratifying experience
- Analogy: Expecting a trip to Europe but ending up trekking in Nepal - preparation and mindset are key
- Goal: Honest discussions can help collectively improve the happiness baseline
Conclusion: Encouragement for collective honesty to improve parenting experiences.