Lecture: Philosophy of Crushes

Introduction

• Love can make even the most rational people irrational.
• Crushes are a mix of love, lust, and limerence, often irrational and embarrassing.
• Stendhal's work "On Love" provides a basis for understanding crushes.
• Focus on the egoistic side of romance and imaginative images.

1. Crystallization and Fantasy

• Humans have a great capacity for fantasy, beneficial for survival and creativity.
• Stendhal's concept of "crystallization": idolizing someone until infatuated.
• Example: Desdemona's idealized image of Othello in Shakespeare's "Othello."
• Crystallization often detaches from reality, leading to exaggerated perceptions.
• Crushes thrive on mystery and limited knowledge, enhancing potential positive attributes.
• Imagination's role: creating an idealized lover.
• Disappointment can occur when the ideal image is shattered.

2. Love's Labours Lost and Won

• Romance stories often hinge on whether lovers unite.
• Esther Perel: Desire thrives on a sense of separateness and mystery.
• Stendhal's "second crystallization": hope and doubt about reciprocated feelings.
• Attachment grows through doubt and hope balance.
• Oscillation between hope and frustration characterizes crushes, causing emotional highs and lows.
• The emotional cycle can occupy one's mind, leading to stress or boredom.

3. Identity, Vanity, and Ego

• Stendhal's four types of love: courtly, physical, passionate, and vain.
• Vain love: desire driven by ego and self-image.
• Examples of seeking love for self-validation.
• Jacques Lacan: primary desire in love is to be desired.
• Unconscious motivations behind infatuation.
• Don Juan archetype: using others for ego without genuine connection.
• Caution against embodying Don Juan; ethical implications.
• Importance of choosing wisely who you fall for.

4. Dignifying the Crush

• Crushes often seen as childish or immature.
• Philosophies like Stoicism emphasize calm over passion.
• Nietzsche critiques Stoicism, valuing passionate and instinctive sides.
• Passion increases emotional amplitude, leading to both joy and despair.
• Stendhal acknowledges the irrational nature of passion.
• Passion as a trade-off: more passion, less calm.
• Individual choice in balancing passion and calm.

Conclusion

• Stendhal's view: passion isn't a problem but a force to wrestle with.
• Decision to embrace or reject passion's effects is personal.
• Recognizing tension between passion and calm helps set personal balance.