Ever wonder why some couples make it,
and others don’t? Scientist Dr. John Gottman did. He spent 40 years studying thousands of
couples to find out exactly what separates the relationship masters
from the relationship disasters. Shakespeare compared love to a rose. Gottman uses a different metaphor: an emotional bank account. You know how a regular bank account works. So what’s an emotional bank account? It represents the positive and negative balance
in your relationship. The best couples maintain a high balance. Couples that break up are often in the red. You make deposits through positive interactions,
and you withdraw through negative ones. What does a deposit look like? It’s a simple act of showing your partner
that you care for and support them. It’s as easy as sending your partner a good
luck text before a meeting or cooking them dinner after a long day. And pay attention when your partner shows you
their admiration and support, notice when they're investing in your relationship. A withdrawal is either hurtful behavior toward
your partner, or ignoring their invitations to connect. But withdrawals and deposits
don't have equal weight! In fact, Gottman found it takes five positive
interactions to make up for one negative one. Happy couples maintain AT LEAST this 5:1 ratio. If you make constant deposits and keep your balance high, you’re saving up for a rainy day when you’ll need to cash in on that goodwill. Gottman notes that small daily deposits, like asking your partner how their day was, is far more important than
the occasional over-the-top romantic gesture. Positivity leads to more positivity. This is not about keeping score. It’s about investing in your relationship,
and your shared emotional bank account, moving from “Me-ness” to “We-ness.” So keep your balance high by doing nice things
every day and recognizing when your partner does them for you. You’ll build up that emotional bank account
in no time!