Hey friends, today I’m going to tell you about three different kinds of lives. If you are living any one of these three lives, then today’s video is very, very important for you. The author says that the majority of people who fail in this world are living one of these three lives. What are those lives? The first life is where a person doesn’t even know what they want to do in life, so they always wander around aimlessly. Sometimes they try crypto trading, sometimes they move into the stock market, sometimes they start one business, and then another. These are the people who are always searching for something to move forward. They have the fire within them, but they don’t know where to use it. They know they want to do something in life, but they don’t know what that something That’s why many times they end up doing nothing. The second type are those who are doing something in their life, but they are dissatisfied with it. Whether it’s their job, business, family, or relationship, they are already on a path where they find no joy at all. Deep down, they know that they won’t achieve much on this path. They always have a sense of regret within them. The third type of life is where a person clearly knows what they want to do. They have a goal, an ambition. Even with some clarity, they are never able to accomplish anything. They always blame external factors, such as not having enough time. It’s not like that. It’s not because of this that they can’t do anything. They lack motivation and don’t take action. They have a lot of reasons piled up. Now, if you are living any one of these three lives, your life is completely fked or is going to be fked in the future. This is not what I say, but what the author says. And if you want to get out of this situation and truly achieve something big.. So today, I am going to give you a very interesting book summary, titled The Courage to Be Disliked. On the back of this book, it says, “A single book can change your life.” And I completely agree with this. This book is not just any ordinary book. It is actually a very interesting conversation between a young man and a philosopher. The young man is very troubled in his life. He goes to the philosopher and tells him all the problems in his life. The philosopher then provides solutions to each of these problems one by one. Their conversation continues daily for five nights, covering everything mentioned in this book. Now, obviously, we don’t have five nights’ worth of time, but what I’ll do is... ...take all the important points from those five nights and combine them into a story format. What I’ll do is convert those five nights into three nights. And all the major, valuable points they discussed, I’ll share with you in today’s video. I’ll compress everything into 20 to 30 minutes and give you the best insights. Before we begin, if you haven’t subscribed to the Seeken channel yet, make sure to do so. I will continue to bring interesting and valuable insights from the best books for you on this channel. Now let’s start. Night One: Trauma Doesn’t Exist There is a young man who is very troubled in his life. Dissatisfied, you could say his life is completely fked; nothing is going according to his plans. He feels very sad. Then he learns about a philosopher who lives far away on a mountain top. This philosopher is very wise and has solved many people’s life problems just through his words. The young man learns about the philosopher and can’t resist. He endures a lot of effort and finally reaches the philosopher, far from the city. The young man goes to the philosopher and tells him, “When I was a little child, life seemed very easy. No work stress, no major pressure, no household responsibilities, no sexual desires, no relationship problems. Life was peaceful. But as I grew older, the true nature of life started to reveal itself, and I began to take on many roles. “Sometimes I have to play the role of a good son, sometimes a good brother, sometimes a good friend, sometimes a good student, and sometimes a good boyfriend. These roles keep increasing with time. On top of that, there’s work stress, money stress, and household stress. Caught up in all these complicated issues, my life has become completely fked up, and I’m unable to do anything well. “Honestly, what should I do with this complicated life? I don’t understand anything.” To this, the philosopher says, “With due respect, you are wrong. In reality, life is not that complicated. You are making it complicated in your mind. In fact, life is quite simple.” “Simple? Haha, sir, if you were living my life, you would know that my life is not simple at all. “Every day, some complication or the other keeps coming up. I’ve faced so many problems in my life, whether health-wise, relationship-wise, or money-wise, that I can’t even begin to tell you. I feel like after enduring so many difficulties, these problems have become a part of my personality. Now, whatever I do, some problem or the other always comes up. “I’ve faced so many problems that now it feels like I won’t be able to do anything in life. Everywhere I go, I get such bad results.” Listening to the young man’s words, the philosopher looks at him and starts telling a story. He says, “There was a boy named Mike, who had just graduated from college. He had big dreams. “He wanted to achieve a lot in life. Since childhood, he had seen poverty at home. His father worked hard to provide him with an education and a good degree. But when he started looking for a job, the jobs he found either didn’t suit him or the income was too low. This was a big problem because he wanted to buy a big house. “He wanted to buy a sports car, travel the world. In fact, he had one specific dream: to visit Japan at least once in his life, a dream he had since childhood. But the salary he was getting offered was so low that even if he saved every penny, it would take him decades to fulfill his dreams. So, he fought with his family and refused to take the job “He thinks he will start a business and become a big man because he believes that all his dreams will only be fulfilled through business. So, he watches many videos related to entrepreneurs, watches Shark Tank, and dreams of living the life he wants. After doing a lot of research and investing time, he decides that he will now start a business. “Before starting the business, he reads a line in a newspaper: ‘90% of businesses fail in their first year of starting.’ He ignores it and says, ‘I won’t be in that 90%.’ Then, leaving everything else behind, he starts working on building his business. He gets the idea of starting a clothing business. The idea was quite simple: he would source clothes that were in high demand from the wholesale market. “...from a distant state and sell them at a higher price in his own state. To do this, he invested his entire savings of 1 lakh. But guess what? After starting the business, he didn’t get the response he had expected. Hardly any clothes started selling. Since business takes time, he gave it a month. “Two months, three months. Even after so many months, he could only make a profit of 25,000. Losing so badly in business started to feel like trauma to him. But then he had seen in many videos that one should not give up. So, he teamed up with a friend and started another business. He created websites for people, learned about digital marketing, and drop shipping, and started the business. “He invests all his previous earnings into this new venture and also takes some investments from others. He starts with full enthusiasm here as well. Then one month, two months, three months pass, but still, no money is coming in. Within six months, he faces yet another failure “But again, he watches a motivational video and says, ‘I still won’t give up.’ After this, he decides to sell fancy journals. He starts selling journals related to meditation. He thinks that with the New Year coming up, many people will start journaling for their New Year’s resolutions. So, he collaborates with influencers and starts selling them with great enthusiasm. “Now guess what? This business starts to take off. In the first month, he gets a good response and makes 10,000 in sales. In the second month, 25,000, in the third month, 50,000, and in the fourth month, 1 lakh. He becomes very happy and thinks that he’s finally on the right track and that he will be able to fulfill all his dreams. “But things don’t turn out as planned because the person he partnered with for the business turns out to be a fraud. This person withdraws all the money from the account and disappears under the guise of business. As a result, the business that was doing well also shuts down. This time, the trauma is so severe that he is completely broken inside. He finally accepts that business is not his cup of tea. “He thinks he might be unlucky, having failed in three businesses. After this realization, he goes back home. At home, he finds the same old newspaper where it says, ‘90% of businesses fail in their first year of starting.’ Seeing this, he smiles and says, ‘Yes, that’s absolutely true.’ Parallel to this story, there was another story, not of Mike but of a man named Paul “Paul’s journey was almost the same as Mike’s. He had also seen many problems in his life and faced numerous issues since childhood. He, too, couldn’t find a good job and had big dreams. Like Mike, he was very hardworking and tried various businesses, many of which failed. “He doesn’t stop. He keeps going. One year, two years, three years—in fact, do you know? He continues doing various businesses for five years, some of which bring him success, but mostly failures. But he keeps on doing business, and finally, in the seventh year, one of his businesses becomes such a hit, and he understands all the systems so well that he becomes a multimillionaire. “One day, he also reads the line that ‘90% of businesses fail in their first year of starting.’ He reads it, smiles, and says, ‘It’s true. It’s a good thing I didn’t stop after one year.’ After telling this story, the philosopher explains to the young man that both Mike and Paul lived almost the same kind of life. “Their pasts were almost the same. But one of them became very successful while the other gave up and never achieved his dreams. The reason behind this is the difference between teleology and aetiology. Let me explain. There was a philosopher named Alfred Adler. He tells the young man that Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung were both very famous philosophers. “There was another philosopher named Alfred Adler. Alfred Adler was also a great figure. His work has been used many times in several great books, such as How to Win Friends and Influence People and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. These books have incorporated some of his philosophy. Alfred Adler made a very bold statement. “He says, ‘Trauma doesn’t exist,’ meaning there’s no such thing as trauma. Many times, people keep crying over their past, saying this happened to them, that happened to them. Adler says that what happened in your past has no effect on your future. Freudian psychology theory says that most of our self-image is formed during childhood. “Because of this, if we face bad experiences in childhood, it can create problems in the future. Freud believed that in our adult life, we spend much of our time dealing with and understanding the limiting beliefs formed in our past life. Sigmund Freud basically focused on the past and explained things through cause and effect, which is called Aetiology. “Because this suggests that our present and future are somehow determined by our past. On the other hand, Alfred Adler focuses on goals rather than causes, which is called teleology. This means that instead of referencing your past, you make your present the center point and take actions according to your future goals. Adler has a quote: ‘No experience in itself can cause our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences, the so-called trauma, but instead, we make out of them whatever suits our purpose. We are not determined by our experiences; the meaning we give them is self-determining.’ “Basically, in simple words, there can be two soldiers who fought the same war. Both might have lost their best friends in the war, but one of them will live a strong life while the other will live with PTSD, meaning Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The events are the same for both, but one became stronger from the event, while the other turned it into an illness. “So, the first step you need to take is to accept your past as it is. Don’t focus on it; just focus on your goals and initiate change. The first step to taking control of your life is to choose a goal. It doesn’t matter where you came from or what your past was. You only need to focus on your goals. “You need to ask yourself a practically honest question: where do you want to go? There’s no need to complicate things here. Just make it clear where you want to go, and take as much time as you need to figure it out. Go, think about it, and come back tomorrow. These things are hard for the young man to digest, but he still starts thinking about them. “He goes home, thinks about his goals, and starts completely ignoring all his past experiences. Then, the next day, he comes back and starts talking to the philosopher again. Night number 2: Focus only on your task, not others’. On the second night, when the young man comes to the philosopher, he says, ‘I have set goals for myself many times.’ “I have tried many times to do many things for myself, but I can’t do them because I feel like I have many shortcomings. I’m not that smart, or I don’t have the resources. In response, the philosopher explains to the young man, ‘Look, the root of all problems is not your shortcomings.’ “All of that is rooted in interpersonal problems, meaning the root of all problems is worrying about what others will think about us. The young man is confused by this. He asks, ‘How can the root of all problems be interpersonal relationships? That doesn’t make sense.’ Then the philosopher gives him an example of a girl who had come to him. Basically, the girl had a problem. “Whenever she went out and met someone, her cheeks would turn very red, and this problem bothered her a lot. She liked the boy very much, but she was very embarrassed about her red cheeks. She wanted to express her feelings but couldn’t say anything because of her problem with this shortcoming. The philosopher explained that the girl actually came with the problem of her red cheeks. The problem wasn’t the red cheeks themselves. The problem was that she was afraid the boy might reject her, and to avoid this potential rejection, she was focusing on her shortcomings. What didn’t she have The philosopher then gave his own example. He explained, “My height is only 155 cm. I used to worry a lot about my height, thinking how short I am, that no one would marry me, and that people would make fun of me, etc. My height made me feel inferior. So, I conducted an experiment. The third experiment was to imagine that I was the only person in the world and that no one else existed. “If I don’t compare myself to anyone, will my height still be an issue for me?” The author then answered, “No,” because the issue only arose when he compared his height to others. The problem wasn’t actually his own; it was that his short height might make others mock him “I said that all problems are interpersonal. All the flaws you see in yourself appear because you think others won’t like you because of those flaws. In fact, Alfred Adler divides all these flaws into two parts. He says our flaws can be called objective or subjective flaws. “Objective flaws are those things you can measure, such as height. You can measure it and see that, yes, it’s less. The second is subjective flaws. For example, a person doesn’t laugh well or doesn’t look good, which you can’t measure so accurately. These are basically subjective flaws. The philosopher says that you should always put subjective flaws aside. “You should focus on objective flaws to see if you can improve them or not. If yes, then focus on improving them and just focus on your task. The philosopher explains that all the problems you’re facing in your life are due to interpersonal problems. You are focusing too much on others, while you should focus on your own tasks. “Just one thing, and that is your task.” The girl asked, “What do you mean by ‘your task’?” The philosopher explained, “Basically, there are three things that come under the task, which can be divided into three parts. The first is to recognize your personal responsibility, which also has three aspects: A, self-responsibility, where you start taking responsibility for your thoughts, your feelings, and actions, everything that is under your control.” “It means that if you are getting angry because the person behind you is honking, it is not their problem; it is your problem. Because you might have had a negative thought about the person behind you, thinking that they want to overtake you or show you down, which made you feel bad, and because of this, you might have pressed the accelerator even more. “This is something you should not do. Then comes B, which is goal setting, something we have talked about before. This is also your task; you should be able to decide your own goals. It’s better for you to start deciding your own goals rather than having someone else give them to you. Yes, you can work with a team, and sometimes others can give you major goals. “But how will you achieve those goals? You should set goals related to that without taking on too much expectation and pressure about what others will say. And C is self-care, taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This is your first task. Then comes the second, focusing on your efforts, where you need to focus on your efforts rather than the outcomes. Most people are outcome-driven. “If they start a business and don’t make money, they feel like it’s all over. As mentioned in the story, ‘Ninety percent of businesses fail in their first year of starting.’ It means no matter how much effort you put in, there is a ninety percent chance that you’ll fail in the first year. But if you persist, keep going, and keep putting in efforts, it might take two years, or five years. “It might take seven years, but you will definitely move forward. So focus on the efforts, not the outcomes. That’s point A. Sub-point B is learning and growing. It’s not about just putting in blind efforts. You also need to make sure that whatever effort you are putting in, you are growing and developing from it. “Third, the last point is accepting others’ reactions. This is very important. Since childhood, we seek approval from others. In school, if we wrote the correct answer, did the teacher give us praise or an A grade? Whenever we did something right, did our parents approve of it? We get used to this need for approval from a young age, and when we don’t get that approval... “In life, we feel very bad without approval, but to move forward in life, we must win independence from this approval. As long as we rely on others’ approval, we will not be able to determine our own self-worth. The second sub-point is to respect others’ perspectives. You might always feel that you are absolutely right, but remember, you cannot control others’ thoughts, feelings, and reactions. “In fact, we should respect others’ reactions. These are your tasks that you should focus on. On the other hand, there are others’ tasks that you should not take on. Let me explain what they include. First, their thoughts and feelings. There are two aspects to this as well: independence of emotion. You should not connect your emotions to others’ emotions, and you should understand that you are not responsible for others’ happiness or sadness. Second, boundaries and influence. “Yes, you can support and encourage others, but you cannot control their thinking and their feelings. Understand this: it is not your task; it is their task. And second, their actions and decisions. Every person has the right to their own actions and decisions. Whenever you start to control others’ actions and decisions, that is not your job. “Third, their path and growth. Every person has an individual journey. They have their own path, and only when you let them grow from their experiences will they truly develop personally. Here, remember another point: always encourage people, but do not try to control them one hundred percent. Everything I have told you, you need to remember, so disappear now. “Start applying all those things one by one. And from here comes Task Number Two: Disappear and transform yourself. Disappear doesn’t mean you abandon all your responsibilities and run away somewhere. No, what I mean is, in the remaining months of the year, whether it’s five or six, try to transform yourself and focus only on your tasks. “Where other people’s feelings and what others think about you shouldn’t matter to you. You should only care about one thing, and that is your task, and just focus on that. If you do this, you will completely transform yourself. Now just start doing this. I want you to go home and think about this carefully and come back tomorrow, and we will discuss things further then. Now, the young man takes good notes of everything and leaves. Today, he learned a lot of things. He doesn’t agree with everything, but he definitely tries to apply all those things in the coming time. On the third night, he comes back. Night No. 3: Achieve ultimate freedom by having the courage to be disliked The young man comes and asks the philosopher, “If I do all the things you mentioned and start ignoring people, focusing only on myself, won’t others dislike me? Won’t we lose all connections with others? Won’t it matter to you if people dislike you?” The philosopher replies, “Why should it matter to me? “Look, I have my tasks to do, my work to focus on, and disliking me is their job. If I start worrying about their job, how will I be able to do mine? If I want to be happy in life, I need to develop the courage to accept that, yes, people will dislike me no matter what I do. There will always be some people who won’t like me. And then he quoted, “The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained this courage, your interpersonal relationships will at once change into things of lightness. This step is the most difficult, and therefore, it requires the most courage. The courage to be disliked. When you start being disliked, actually, something very good will start happening for you.” And this brings us to step number three: when you disappear for some time and start focusing only on yourself. When you start focusing on your tasks, you will begin to transform. You will become an unbeatable beast, and when you reappear, you will see that things have changed significantly. People who didn’t respect you much before will now respect you greatly. Plus, the most important thing is that you will become mentally and physically strong You might also become financially independent. You will realize that before, you were trying to live for others. Now, society doesn’t matter as much to you. You will understand that you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Showing or flaunting your accomplishments to others is very superficial. You will realize that the only person you need to prove anything to is yourself You will realize how small-minded people can be, and their small thoughts won’t affect you as much because you have grown. You are focused on yourself, finishing your book, which will often benefit others as well. You will be able to set better goals and work towards them, and you will also be able to inspire many people You might become a mystery to everyone. They won’t understand how you changed so much in just a few months. But you will definitely change if you just start focusing on these things. Everyone will like you a lot. But the interesting thing will be that whether they like you or not won’t matter much to you. Those were some interesting points These points I’ve shared are not exactly as they are in the book “The Courage to be Disliked”; I’ve made a few changes because it was a summary. My opinion is that “trauma doesn’t exist,” but this has been very controversial. Many people have given negative comments on this. I personally believe that the author’s context was not exactly that trauma doesn’t exist; they were trying to convey something different Because of this, they received backlash. The point is that trauma does exist. If something bad happened to you in life, it happened. It’s not that it doesn’t exist. The main thing is how we perceive the problems that have happened to us and how we move forward. This is the most important thing, and the author is saying somewhere that we should not let trauma define our lives We should not think of trauma as a disease that cannot be cured. It was a traumatic experience, and experiences will continue to happen in life, both good and bad. We should not focus so much on it. It’s better to focus on creating new experiences rather than repeatedly reliving old negative ones. This was, in a way, their point, which I felt was important to share with you all. I completely agree with this, so trauma does exist I don’t agree with this, but how we perceive trauma in our lives, whether as an advantage or disadvantage, is up to us. We should take advantage of it, view it positively, and move forward in life. As for the focus on tasks, it’s quite an important and good point that everyone should implement. I will start doing it myself That’s all for now. YouTube thinks this video showing up on your end screen will be very useful for you, so do watch it. Till then, bye bye.