Hey friends, today I’m going to tell you
about three different kinds of lives. If you are living any one of these three lives, then today’s
video is very, very important for you. The author says that the majority
of people who fail in this world are living one
of these three lives. What are those lives? The first life is where a
person doesn’t even know what they want to do in life,
so they always wander around aimlessly. Sometimes they try crypto trading,
sometimes they move into the stock market, sometimes they start
one business, and then another. These are the people who are always
searching for something to move forward. They have the fire within
them, but they don’t know where to use it. They know they want to do something
in life, but they don’t know what that something That’s
why many times they end up doing nothing. The second type are those
who are doing something in their life, but they are dissatisfied with it. Whether it’s their job, business, family,
or relationship, they are already
on a path where they find no joy at all. Deep down, they know that they won’t
achieve much on this path. They always have a sense
of regret within them. The third type of life is where a
person clearly knows what they want to do. They have a goal, an ambition. Even with some clarity, they are
never able to accomplish anything. They always blame external factors, such
as not having enough time. It’s not like that. It’s not because of this that they can’t
do anything. They lack motivation
and don’t take action. They have a lot of reasons piled up. Now, if you are living any one
of these three lives, your life is completely f**ked
or is going to be f**ked in the future. This is not what I
say, but what the author says. And if you want to get out
of this situation and truly achieve something big.. So today, I am going
to give you a very interesting book summary, titled *The Courage
to Be Disliked*. On the back of this book, it says, “A single book can change your life.”
And I completely agree with this. This book is not just any ordinary book. It is actually a very interesting
conversation between a young man and a philosopher. The young man is very troubled
in his life. He goes to the philosopher and tells
him all the problems in his life. The philosopher then provides solutions
to each of these problems one by one. Their conversation continues daily for five nights, covering
everything mentioned in this book. Now, obviously, we don’t have five nights’
worth of time, but what I’ll do is... ...take all the important points from those five nights
and combine them into a story format. What I’ll do is convert those five nights
into three nights. And all the major, valuable points they discussed,
I’ll share with you in today’s video. I’ll compress everything into 20 to 30
minutes and give you the best insights. Before we begin, if you haven’t subscribed
to the Seeken channel yet, make sure to do so. I will continue
to bring interesting and valuable insights from the best books
for you on this channel. Now let’s start. Night One: Trauma Doesn’t Exist There is a young man who
is very troubled in his life. Dissatisfied, you could say his life is completely f**ked;
nothing is going according to his plans. He feels very sad. Then he learns about a philosopher who
lives far away on a mountain top. This philosopher is very wise and has solved many people’s
life problems just through his words. The young man learns about the philosopher
and can’t resist. He endures a lot of effort and finally
reaches the philosopher, far from the city. The young man goes
to the philosopher and tells him, “When I
was a little child, life seemed very easy. No work stress, no major pressure,
no household responsibilities, no sexual desires, no relationship problems.
Life was peaceful. But as I grew older, the true nature
of life started to reveal itself, and I began
to take on many roles. “Sometimes I have to play the role of a
good son, sometimes a good brother, sometimes a good friend, sometimes a good
student, and sometimes a good boyfriend. These roles keep increasing with time. On top of that, there’s work stress, money
stress, and household stress. Caught up in all these complicated issues,
my life has become completely f**ked
up, and I’m unable to do anything well. “Honestly, what should I
do with this complicated life? I don’t understand anything.” To this, the philosopher
says, “With due respect, you are wrong. In reality, life is not that complicated. You are making
it complicated in your mind. In fact, life is quite simple.” “Simple? Haha, sir, if you were living
my life, you would know that my life is not simple at all. “Every day, some complication
or the other keeps coming up. I’ve faced so many problems
in my life, whether health-wise, relationship-wise, or money-wise, that I
can’t even begin to tell you. I feel like after enduring so many difficulties, these problems
have become a part of my personality. Now, whatever I do, some problem
or the other always comes up. “I’ve faced
so many problems that now it feels like I won’t
be able to do anything in life. Everywhere I go, I
get such bad results.” Listening to the young man’s words, the philosopher looks
at him and starts telling a story. He says, “There was a boy named Mike,
who had just graduated from college. He had big dreams. “He wanted to achieve a lot in life. Since childhood, he had seen poverty
at home. His father worked hard to provide him with
an education and a good degree. But when he started looking for a job, the jobs he found either didn’t suit him
or the income was too low. This was a big problem because
he wanted to buy a big house. “He wanted
to buy a sports car, travel the world. In fact, he had one specific dream: to visit Japan at least once in his
life, a dream he had since childhood. But the salary he was getting offered
was so low that even if he saved every penny, it would
take him decades to fulfill his dreams. So, he fought with his family and refused
to take the job “He thinks he will start a business and become a
big man because he believes that all his dreams
will only be fulfilled through business. So, he watches many videos related to entrepreneurs, watches Shark Tank,
and dreams of living the life he wants. After doing a lot of research and investing time, he decides that
he will now start a business. “Before starting the business,
he reads a line in a newspaper: ‘90% of businesses fail in their first year
of starting.’ He ignores it and says, ‘I won’t be in that 90%.’ Then, leaving
everything else behind, he starts working on building his business. He gets the idea of starting a
clothing business. The idea was quite simple: he would source clothes that were
in high demand from the wholesale market. “...from a distant state and sell them
at a higher price in his own state. To do this,
he invested his entire savings of 1 lakh. But guess what? After starting the business, he didn’t
get the response he had expected. Hardly any clothes started selling. Since business takes time,
he gave it a month. “Two months, three months. Even after so many months,
he could only make a profit of 25,000. Losing so badly in business started
to feel like trauma to him. But then he had seen in many videos
that one should not give up. So, he teamed up with a
friend and started another business. He created websites for people, learned about digital marketing, and
drop shipping, and started the business. “He invests all his previous earnings
into this new venture and also takes some investments from others. He starts with full enthusiasm here
as well. Then one month, two months, three months
pass, but still, no money is coming in. Within six months,
he faces yet another failure “But again, he watches a motivational video and says,
‘I still won’t give up.’ After this,
he decides to sell fancy journals. He starts selling journals related
to meditation. He thinks that with the New Year
coming up, many people will start journaling
for their New Year’s resolutions. So, he collaborates with influencers and
starts selling them with great enthusiasm. “Now guess what? This business starts to take off. In the first month, he gets a
good response and makes 10,000 in sales. In the second month, 25,000,
in the third month, 50,000, and in the fourth month, 1 lakh. He becomes very happy
and thinks that he’s finally on the right track and that he will be able to fulfill
all his dreams. “But things don’t turn out
as planned because the person he partnered with for the business
turns out to be a fraud. This person withdraws all the money from the account and disappears
under the guise of business. As a result, the business
that was doing well also shuts down. This time, the trauma is so severe that
he is completely broken inside. He finally accepts that business
is not his cup of tea. “He thinks he might be unlucky, having
failed in three businesses. After this realization, he goes back home. At home, he finds the same old newspaper
where it says, ‘90% of businesses fail in their first year of starting.’ Seeing
this, he smiles and says, ‘Yes, that’s absolutely true.’
Parallel to this
story, there was another story, not of Mike but of a man named Paul “Paul’s journey
was almost the same as Mike’s. He had also seen many problems
in his life and faced numerous issues since childhood. He, too, couldn’t find a
good job and had big dreams. Like Mike, he was very hardworking and tried
various businesses, many of which failed. “He doesn’t stop. He keeps going. One year, two years, three years—in fact,
do you know? He continues doing various businesses for five years, some of which bring
him success, but mostly failures. But he keeps on doing business, and
finally, in the seventh year, one of his businesses becomes such a
hit, and he understands all the systems so well that he becomes a
multimillionaire. “One day, he also reads the line that ‘90%
of businesses fail in their first year of starting.’
He reads it, smiles, and says, ‘It’s true. It’s a good thing I didn’t stop after
one year.’ After telling this story, the philosopher explains
to the young man that both Mike and Paul lived
almost the same kind of life. “Their pasts were almost the same. But one of them became very successful
while the other gave up and never achieved his dreams. The reason behind this is the difference
between teleology and aetiology. Let me explain. There was a
philosopher named Alfred Adler. He tells the young man that Sigmund
Freud and Carl Jung were both very famous philosophers. “There was another philosopher
named Alfred Adler. Alfred Adler was also a great figure. His work has been used many times
in several great books, such as How to Win Friends and Influence People and The 7
Habits of Highly Effective People. These books have incorporated some
of his philosophy. Alfred Adler made a very bold statement. “He says, ‘Trauma doesn’t exist,’
meaning there’s no such thing as trauma. Many times,
people keep crying over their past, saying this happened
to them, that happened to them. Adler says that what happened
in your past has no effect on your future. Freudian psychology theory says that most of our self-image
is formed during childhood. “Because
of this, if we face bad experiences in childhood, it can create problems
in the future. Freud believed that in our adult life,
we spend much of our time dealing with and understanding the
limiting beliefs formed in our past life. Sigmund Freud basically focused
on the past and explained things through cause and effect, which
is called Aetiology. “Because this suggests that our present
and future are somehow determined by our past. On the other hand, Alfred Adler focuses on goals rather
than causes, which is called teleology. This means that instead of referencing
your past, you make your present the center point and take actions
according to your future goals. Adler has a quote: ‘No experience in
itself can cause our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock
of our experiences, the so-called trauma, but instead, we make out
of them whatever suits our purpose. We are not determined by our experiences; the meaning
we give them is self-determining.’ “Basically, in simple words, there can
be two soldiers who fought the same war. Both might have lost their best friends
in the war, but one of them will live a strong life while the other will live with PTSD,
meaning Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The events are the same for both,
but one became stronger from the event, while the other turned
it into an illness. “So, the first step you need to take is to accept your past as it is. Don’t focus on it; just focus
on your goals and initiate change. The first step to taking control
of your life is to choose a goal. It doesn’t matter where you came from
or what your past was. You only need to focus on your goals. “You need to ask yourself a practically
honest question: where do you want to go? There’s no need to complicate things here. Just make it clear where you want to go, and take
as much time as you need to figure it out. Go, think about
it, and come back tomorrow. These things are hard for the young man to digest, but
he still starts thinking about them. “He goes home, thinks about his goals,
and starts completely ignoring all his past experiences. Then, the next day, he comes back and
starts talking to the philosopher again. Night number 2: Focus only on your task,
not others’. On the second night, when the young
man comes to the philosopher, he says, ‘I have set goals for myself many times.’
“I have tried many times to do many things for myself, but I can’t do them because I
feel like I have many shortcomings. I’m not that smart, or I
don’t have the resources. In response, the philosopher explains
to the young man, ‘Look, the root of all problems is not your shortcomings.’ “All
of that is rooted in interpersonal problems, meaning the root of all problems is worrying about
what others will think about us. The young man is confused by this. He asks, ‘How can the root of all problems
be interpersonal relationships? That doesn’t make sense.’
Then the philosopher gives him an example of a
girl who had come to him. Basically, the girl had a problem. “Whenever she went out and met someone,
her cheeks would turn very red, and this problem bothered
her a lot. She liked the boy very much, but she was
very embarrassed about her red cheeks. She wanted
to express her feelings but couldn’t say anything because
of her problem with this shortcoming. The philosopher explained that
the girl actually came with the problem of her red cheeks. The problem wasn’t
the red cheeks themselves. The problem was that she was afraid
the boy might reject her, and to avoid this potential rejection,
she was focusing on her shortcomings. What didn’t she have The philosopher
then gave his own example. He explained, “My height is only 155 cm. I used to worry a lot about my height,
thinking how short I am, that no one would marry me, and that people would
make fun of me, etc. My height made me feel inferior. So, I conducted an experiment. The third experiment was
to imagine that I was the only person
in the world and that no one else existed. “If I don’t compare myself to anyone, will my height still be an issue for me?”
The author then answered, “No,” because the issue only arose when
he compared his height to others. The problem wasn’t actually his own;
it was that his short height might make others mock him “I said that all problems
are interpersonal. All the flaws you see
in yourself appear because you think others won’t like you because
of those flaws. In fact, Alfred Adler divides
all these flaws into two parts. He says our flaws can be called objective
or subjective flaws. “Objective flaws are those things
you can measure, such as height. You can measure
it and see that, yes, it’s less. The second is subjective flaws. For example, a person doesn’t laugh well or doesn’t look good,
which you can’t measure so accurately. These are basically subjective flaws. The philosopher says that you should
always put subjective flaws aside. “You should focus on objective flaws
to see if you can improve them or not. If yes, then focus on improving
them and just focus on your task. The philosopher explains that all the problems you’re facing in your
life are due to interpersonal problems. You are focusing too much on others, while
you should focus on your own tasks. “Just one thing, and that is your task.”
The girl asked, “What do you mean by ‘your task’?” The philosopher
explained, “Basically, there are three things that come under the task, which can
be divided into three parts. The first is to recognize your
personal responsibility, which also has three aspects: A, self-responsibility,
where you start taking responsibility for your thoughts, your feelings, and actions,
everything that is under your control.” “It means that if you are getting
angry because the person behind you is honking, it is not their problem;
it is your problem. Because you might have had a
negative thought about the person behind you, thinking that they want to overtake
you or show you down, which made you feel bad, and because of this, you might
have pressed the accelerator even more. “This is something you should not do. Then comes B, which is goal setting,
something we have talked about before. This is also your task; you should
be able to decide your own goals. It’s better for you to start deciding your own goals rather
than having someone else give them to you. Yes, you can work with a team, and
sometimes others can give you major goals. “But how will you achieve those goals? You should set goals related
to that without taking on too much expectation
and pressure about what others will say. And C
is self-care, taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This is your first task. Then comes the second, focusing
on your efforts, where you need to focus on your efforts rather
than the outcomes. Most people are outcome-driven. “If they start a business and don’t
make money, they feel like it’s all over. As mentioned in the story, ‘Ninety percent
of businesses fail in their first year of starting.’
It means no matter how much effort you put in, there is a ninety percent chance
that you’ll fail in the first year. But if you persist, keep going, and keep putting in efforts,
it might take two years, or five years. “It might take seven years,
but you will definitely move forward. So focus on the efforts, not the outcomes. That’s point
A. Sub-point B is learning and growing. It’s not about just putting
in blind efforts. You also need to make sure that whatever
effort you are putting in, you are growing and developing
from it. “Third, the last point
is accepting others’ reactions. This is very important. Since childhood,
we seek approval from others. In school, if we wrote the correct answer,
did the teacher give us praise or an A grade? Whenever we did something right,
did our parents approve of it? We get used to this need for approval
from a young age, and when we don’t get that approval... “In life, we feel very bad without
approval, but to move forward in life, we must win independence
from this approval. As long as we rely on others’ approval, we will not
be able to determine our own self-worth. The second sub-point
is to respect others’ perspectives. You might
always feel that you are absolutely right, but remember, you cannot control
others’ thoughts, feelings, and reactions. “In fact,
we should respect others’ reactions. These are your tasks that you should
focus on. On the other hand, there are others’
tasks that you should not take on. Let me explain what they include. First, their thoughts and feelings. There are two aspects
to this as well: independence of emotion. You should not connect your emotions
to others’ emotions, and you should understand that you are not responsible
for others’ happiness or sadness. Second, boundaries and influence. “Yes,
you can support and encourage others, but you cannot control
their thinking and their feelings. Understand this:
it is not your task; it is their task. And second, their actions and decisions. Every person has the right
to their own actions and decisions. Whenever you start to control others’
actions and decisions, that is not your job. “Third, their path and growth. Every person has an individual journey. They have their
own path, and only when you let them grow from their experiences
will they truly develop personally. Here, remember another point: always encourage people, but do not try
to control them one hundred percent. Everything I have told you, you need
to remember, so disappear now. “Start applying all those things one
by one. And from here comes Task Number
Two: Disappear and transform yourself. Disappear doesn’t mean you abandon all your responsibilities
and run away somewhere. No, what I mean is, in the
remaining months of the year, whether it’s five or six, try to transform
yourself and focus only on your tasks. “Where other people’s feelings and what
others think about you shouldn’t matter to you. You should only care about
one thing, and that is your task, and just focus on that. If you do this, you will completely
transform yourself. Now just start doing this. I want you to go home and think about
this carefully and come back tomorrow, and
we will discuss things further then. Now, the young man takes good notes
of everything and leaves. Today, he learned a lot of things. He doesn’t agree with everything, but he definitely tries to apply all those
things in the coming time. On the third night,
he comes back. Night No. 3: Achieve ultimate freedom
by having the courage to be disliked The young man comes and asks
the philosopher, “If I do all the things you mentioned and start ignoring people, focusing only
on myself, won’t others dislike me? Won’t we lose all connections with others? Won’t
it matter to you if people dislike you?” The philosopher replies, “Why should
it matter to me? “Look, I have my tasks to do, my work to
focus on, and disliking me is their job. If I start worrying about
their job, how will I be able to do mine? If I want to be happy
in life, I need to develop the courage to accept that, yes, people
will dislike me no matter what I do. There will always
be some people who won’t like me. And then he quoted, “The courage
to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained this courage,
your interpersonal relationships will at once change into things of lightness. This step is the most difficult, and
therefore, it requires the most courage. The courage to be disliked. When you start being disliked, actually,
something very good will start happening for you.”
And this brings us to step number three: when you disappear for some
time and start focusing only on yourself. When you start focusing on your tasks,
you will begin to transform. You will become
an unbeatable beast, and when you reappear, you will see that things
have changed significantly. People who didn’t respect you much before
will now respect you greatly. Plus, the most important thing
is that you will become mentally and physically strong You
might also become financially independent. You will realize that before,
you were trying to live for others. Now, society doesn’t matter
as much to you. You will understand that you don’t need
to prove anything to anyone. Showing or flaunting your accomplishments
to others is very superficial. You will realize that the only person
you need to prove anything to is yourself You will realize how small-minded people
can be, and their small thoughts won’t affect you
as much because you have grown. You are focused on yourself, finishing your book,
which will often benefit others as well. You will be able to set better goals
and work towards them, and you will also be able to inspire many people
You might become a mystery to everyone. They won’t understand how you changed
so much in just a few months. But you will definitely change if you
just start focusing on these things. Everyone will like you a lot. But the interesting thing will be that whether they like you
or not won’t matter much to you. Those were some interesting points These
points I’ve shared are not exactly as they are in the book “The Courage to be Disliked”; I’ve made a
few changes because it was a summary. My opinion is that “trauma doesn’t exist,”
but this has been very controversial. Many people have given negative comments
on this. I personally believe
that the author’s context was not exactly that trauma doesn’t exist;
they were trying to convey something different Because
of this, they received backlash. The point is that trauma does exist. If something bad happened
to you in life, it happened. It’s not that it doesn’t exist. The main thing is how we perceive the problems that have happened
to us and how we move forward. This is the most important thing, and the
author is saying somewhere that we should not let trauma define our lives We should not think of trauma as a
disease that cannot be cured. It was a traumatic experience, and experiences will continue
to happen in life, both good and bad. We should not focus so much on it. It’s better to focus on creating new experiences rather than repeatedly
reliving old negative ones. This was, in a way, their point, which I
felt was important to share with you all. I completely agree with this, so trauma
does exist I don’t agree with this, but how we perceive trauma in our lives, whether as an advantage
or disadvantage, is up to us. We should take advantage of it, view
it positively, and move forward in life. As for the focus on tasks, it’s quite an important and good
point that everyone should implement. I will start doing
it myself That’s all for now. YouTube thinks this video showing up on your end screen will be very useful
for you, so do watch it. Till then, bye bye.