Understanding Autism and Personal Insights

I Like Trains now that we get that out of the way I wanted to do a video talking about a recent thing that happened to me which was I was diagnosed with autism I'm going to leave some time there for a lot of you to be like yeah duhh we knew well if you knew why didn't you tell me no one told me I want to talk about it because I think it's important to open up that conversation because after having it be diagnosed officially by a doctor a lot of people came to me and we like but you're so like social and you're so like your communication is great and like I couldn't tell and I think that that's an important distinction to make because even for me growing up in like the '90s or the early 2000s autism had to be that thing that was what is now known as non-verbal autism it had to be the people who need to stim all the time it had to be people who need repetitive emotions who can't really communicate well it was that like really stereotypical version of it that a lot of people still think today is what autism is and don't get me wrong that is part of the spectrum of it and some people are that way but that's not the entire picture anymore and for me for a long time I was like oh I have ADHD and I thought that that was the reason why a lot of the things I do are the way I do them but it turns out that ADHD and autism are also like a ven diagram or like they're part of the same Spectrum or however you want to visualize it it's basically I don't want to say basically but it to put it like in the basic most banal terms they're basically the same thing and I got tested because of my own curiosity I just like figuring out how my body is why I am the way I am how I kind of like fit into different places in the world and also just to kind of like give myself peace of mind because when I was a kid I was The Outsider I was weird I played video games too much on my own I I like stayed liking the things that other people didn't really like anymore like they moved on like oh I don't like video games anymore and I'm like oh I still like Love video games they're cool I love Sonic the Hedgehog and trains I actually don't even really like trains or Sonic the Hedgehog I that's how how no one knew I was autistic as I got older I was like I have ADHD for sure definitely and I went and got tested for that and got medicated for that and it didn't really work and I I'm trying like different medications right now for it but at the time I was like it's not really like clicking like I have friends and other people I know who have ADHD and they take medications like it's night and day that's not always the case for everybody but just some of the things they were saying about their ADHD I'm like yeah I'm kind of like that but also like a lot more it just felt when I was younger it basically felt like I was The Outsider and then when I got ADHD I was like I still kind of feel like The Outsider so I felt like there was something more so I wanted to go get tested for autism as I was learning more about it I started reading stuff that people with ADHD can have autism as well that they overlap with each other quite a lot and then I was like reading down the list I was like if you have autism you likely have ADHD you likely have depression and anxiety you likely have intestinal issues you likely have hypermobility and Joint issues and you likely have asthma and I was like I have all of these things I just have like a soup of like mess going on inside of me and then as I started to understand it was like oh all of these things are kind of like under the umbrella of neurod divergency and I just thought it was interesting to get checked for different things and also just learn more about myself and as I've gotten diagnosed with ADHD and autism and even for me getting diagnosed with autism was just such a massive positive I like he was talking to me through it and was like some people react poorly to it some people don't like to be confronted some people don't think they have it and are a bit in denial about it and I was like I see this as nothing but a win I finally have like more answers about myself why I am the way I am and not not just for other people and where I fit in with things cuz like it doesn't change anything about me I'm still the exact same person I was but for me it makes me go easier on myself having these diagnoses diagnoses about the conditions that I have like knowing that I'm autistic ADHD or DHD as they call it um makes me go easier on myself being like okay that's why I couldn't really keep up in college because my brain just kind of like works at a different pace it doesn't really study things the the way other people study it in a neurotypical way and it it's made me like recontextualize my life a lot more and made me just feel better about myself and I think that's the biggest thing that I've taken away from all of this CU I've lived with it for so long now 34 years of my life that like it's not it's not going to change anything really it'll just make me dealing with myself a bit easier it'll make me go easier on myself and treat myself a bit more kindly and I think that's really important cuz how many of us don't treat ourselves kindly and a lot of people are probably like Sean why are you telling everybody well it's not like you got diagnosed with cancer or something I get it um like I said it doesn't really change much about myself and it's not it's not like a condition that's like really like life-threatening for me or anything like that but I think it's a good conversation to have because when I talked about being diagnosed with ADHD the amount of people that came out in support of that but also said that they got tested because of me like even my agent said he got tested much later in life older than I am because of the stuff I was saying and I know that some people are going to say the same thing about this like oh I didn't know autism can like present itself that way like looking at me you wouldn't think that I was autistic for a lot of people so I think it's important to have that conversation and also just normalize it I'm trying to you know what I'm trying to [ __ ] change this industry I'm trying I'm going into next year with a a an evolutionary mindset that I want to change this [ __ ] industry from people who are obsessed with ambition and Legacy Legacy is just another [ __ ] word for ego and narcissism like you're trying to build up a life for yourself that you want people to remember you after you're dead how self- involved is that do good things and hope people do good things back and just spread positivity and joy you know but I want to change this sort of mentality around mental health and the way people operate and this whole idea of like chasing ambition and Views and goals and projects and being better than yourself every single day it's fine to want to be better but at the beest of absolutely everything else in your life where your mental health struggles and all you're doing is being productive and making things and just not living your life or being a person or exploring your own mental health and your own mentalities or dealing with the stuff in your past that [ __ ] you up as a kid that's driving you to be ambitious because your dad probably instills something in you or your mom wasn't proud enough of you so you're trying to like you know what I mean trying to break down these walls and not like hide away from all of this [ __ ] have people like sit in this sort of like pseudo masculinity nonsense that we're all kind of hiding in um at least from my perspective being like I don't know I'm just kind of tired of the lack of conversation around a lot of this stuff and a lot of people when I announced on Twitter that I had autism people were like dude why would you admit to that like it's some sort of bad thing it's some sort of thing that suddenly like makes me worse or makes me a different person it doesn't most of I would guarantee you that 99% of the people who do YouTube or do content creation or any sort of creative artistic thing all have ADHD there's a reason that a lot of us are attracted to a job where we make our own hours and we get to communicate with people through a camera rather than having to be in front of them 24/7 you know there's a there's a definite pattern to this nonconformity aspect of like not wanting to do a regular 95 job so you sit in front of a camera playing video games or you know and I bet you like half of those people probably have autism and they just don't realize that that's what autism is like the way it presents itself and it's the sort of terminologies and the paperwork and everything about it the the conversation around autism and what it is is completely changing and 10 years ago I wouldn't have even said I mean even five years ago I wouldn't have said that I had autism and now here I am where I'm like yeah the signs were all there all along and the way it presents itself in me is not so much um apparently my communication is good but people don't realize like when I'm conversing with people I'm going through like a million different things in my brain I'm overanalyzing the way I am I'm overanalyzing everything that I say I'm pushing everything through a filter in my brain I'm reading everyone's body language all the time to like see where things fit in so I always say that I'm a really good judge of character because I'm like hyper analyzing people all the time and not in any sort of judgmental way where I like throw it back at them but for me it's like a a thing that I can use to kind of like help me get through conversations and social structures a bit easier and I'm able to weave in and out through that and I use comedy as my tool to do that I can like sit down in a group of people use comedy and within five minutes I can get a beat on everybody and I can figure them out and that that's my superpower guys I have autism I have superpowers I but also with me it's sensory things like I've talked a lot about like let's say BB goes for a poop in the kitchen I can smell when he goes to the bathroom immediately I can pick up on the smell of [ __ ] a mile away I'm like a shark with blood in the water and then if he like shits on himself or something I'm like Evelyn you got to clean it up because if I look at it and smell it and touch it I will I gag non-stop like I want to be able to help but I can't do it I will gag crazy czy with certain foods I'm a bit weird with like the textures and the consistencies of them so for me it's like a lot of sensory things um but apparently I'm doing masking like all the time um so it's really interesting I I think it's interesting to see like a lot of the stuff that people talk about like in social situations and like no I'm just introverted and all you probably are autistic and you just don't realize it and unfortunately getting tested for autism is a really tricky thing to do cuz I went private privately because the waiting list publicly on the NHS is like 2 years [ __ ] that I can't imagine having to wait that long to kind of like get an answer for things for yourself so I feel for everybody out there um who has to wait that long I'm lucky that I was able to go private and it still took like two and a half months to get that uh assessment ready and the assessment was fine for anyone who's thinking about doing it the assessment for me was go in and sort of like break break down your life in a way that is like were you always like this as a kid how did you play with other kids how did you interact with other people were you shy were you communicative did you how did you imagine your play when you were a kid and now as an adult how do you interact with other people is it difficult to like keep eye contact all of those types of questions that you kind of expect will be asked but there's an assessment form that they go down through that actually is like graded and for me the one of the scores there was like a couple of things that I was being scored on but one of the scores was like the threshold was like anything over a hundred is probably autism spectrum and I scored like 121 so it wasn't like a crazy high number um but there's definitely like the traits are there um and you're not really supposed to say like moderate severe or like high functioning and all of that kind of stuff anymore because it's it's kind of degrading but you can kind of like figure out where where I am on the Spectrum with a bunch of other like terminologies um but the the assessment I found actually quite interesting because it is some people don't like breaking down their life and like confronting themselves in that way but I I quite enjoy doing that I'm a very introspective person and I like kind of figuring out how I tick so I thought it was an interesting assessment to go through but it's it wasn't scary or anything at least not for me so I would say if you're thinking about doing it but you're kind of like apprehensive about it or scared of it go for it um if anything the worst thing that can happen is that you end up exactly in the place that you're in right now and that's probably not that bad but all the people out there whenever I'm playing video games and they're like man Sean's so distracted what is he stupid I was pulling my hair out every time he did this you guys are making fun of an autistic person but you don't feel so good now huh you guys were attacking me over stuff that I can't control how does that feel huh not so good some of the reactions to though were really funny people were like Jack we know you did a 100 episodes of Happy Wheels that that was funny or I posted like the mustard meme from the Kendrick album of me screaming and then right after that was like I got diagnosed with autism and people were like duh I think that's funny I think it's fine I'm okay with people joking about it I I don't really have a problem with that I think it's kind of funny but I also wanted to talk about it because this is sort of the Year where not only in my personal life I'm trying to live my authentic self as it's called and I'm trying to figure out more about myself and gain the confidence to kind of just be me as who I am but it's also the year of mental health for me and for thankas and I think it's that's another reason why I like pushed myself to get these assessments and to kind of like open up that conversation and be sort of that person that kind of takes that initiative so I have an audience of people that I can use that influence to spread a better message and be more positive about it and break down this whole like dude don't admit it autistic people are bad or like people are going to treat you differently or like it's not cool to do that or you know I'm just so [ __ ] tired of that I'm tired of this version of the internet that we live in where everyone has to be like crazy productive crazy ambitious build a legacy be as cool as you possibly can be show no signs of weakness whatsoever that's all [ __ ] not showing weakness and puffing your chest up and trying to be the coolest person you can be and be as productive as you can and do the coolest things you can be that's weakness to me because that means you're hiding from you're just working to hide from what you're actually scared of which is being alone with yourself and loving yourself obviously I'm throwing out a bunch of accusations but and it's not true for everybody and it's all unique and it's all different but you know what I mean you know what I'm getting at you know where the vibe I'm sitting in is and I want to tackle that head on next year and I want to evolve I want to be an evolved version of myself that is I kind of contradicts itself saying like going against the whole like be better every day but you know what I mean I want to be more open to who I am as a person and not dance around [ __ ] because of what everybody else tells me I should be acting like that's what it is um but thank Miss is going ahead soon tickets are on sale if you are close to the LA area you want to come see it we have so many guests I put them up already um you can go to the community Tab and see it it's all over Twitter as well I've been posting a lot about it uh we have some incredible guests coming up we have some musical acts we have two shows that are going on it's going to be a great [ __ ] day I'm so excited for it I can't wait to get together as a community and raise money for mental health and kind of like push this Narrative of positivity and change and upheaval that I think the industry so desperately needs um because it's not been a great year for YouTubers and people who everyone thought was amazing and great and like oh your numbers are really high so that means you're a great person you do a lot of Charity so that means you're a great person not always the case um and I've always tried to be a bit more transparent and honest and break down that wall and that barrier and not build myself up into something that I'm not and I think that that's important that's why I'm having this conversation with you right now that's why I ramble that's why we're here that's why we do do it that's the end of it all thanks for watching um I don't know I have autism that's it

I Like Trains now that we get that out of the way I wanted to do a video talking about a recent thing that happened to me which was I was diagnosed with autism I'm going to leave some time there for a lot of you to be like yeah duhh we knew well if you knew why didn't you tell me no one told me I want to talk about it because I think it's important to open up that conversation because after having it be diagnosed officially by a doctor a lot of people came to me and we like but you're so like social and you're so like your communication is great and like I couldn't tell and I think that that's an important distinction to make because even for me growing up in like the '90s or the early 2000s autism had to be that thing that was what is now known as non-verbal autism it had to be the people who need to stim all the time it had to be people who need repetitive emotions who can't really communicate well it was that like really stereotypical version of it that a lot of people still think today is what autism is and don't get me wrong that is part of the spectrum of it and some people are that way but that's not the entire picture anymore and for me for a long time I was like oh I have ADHD and I thought that that was the reason why a lot of the things I do are the way I do them but it turns out that ADHD and autism are also like a ven diagram or like they're part of the same Spectrum or however you want to visualize it it's basically I don't want to say basically but it to put it like in the basic most banal terms they're basically the same thing and I got tested because of my own curiosity I just like figuring out how my body is why I am the way I am how I kind of like fit into different places in the world and also just to kind of like give myself peace of mind because when I was a kid I was The Outsider I was weird I played video games too much on my own I I like stayed liking the things that other people didn't really like anymore like they moved on like oh I don't like video games anymore and I'm like oh I still like Love video games they're cool I love Sonic the Hedgehog and trains I actually don't even really like trains or Sonic the Hedgehog I that's how how no one knew I was autistic as I got older I was like I have ADHD for sure definitely and I went and got tested for that and got medicated for that and it didn't really work and I I'm trying like different medications right now for it but at the time I was like it's not really like clicking like I have friends and other people I know who have ADHD and they take medications like it's night and day that's not always the case for everybody but just some of the things they were saying about their ADHD I'm like yeah I'm kind of like that but also like a lot more it just felt when I was younger it basically felt like I was The Outsider and then when I got ADHD I was like I still kind of feel like The Outsider so I felt like there was something more so I wanted to go get tested for autism as I was learning more about it I started reading stuff that people with ADHD can have autism as well that they overlap with each other quite a lot and then I was like reading down the list I was like if you have autism you likely have ADHD you likely have depression and anxiety you likely have intestinal issues you likely have hypermobility and Joint issues and you likely have asthma and I was like I have all of these things I just have like a soup of like mess going on inside of me and then as I started to understand it was like oh all of these things are kind of like under the umbrella of neurod divergency and I just thought it was interesting to get checked for different things and also just learn more about myself and as I've gotten diagnosed with ADHD and autism and even for me getting diagnosed with autism was just such a massive positive I like he was talking to me through it and was like some people react poorly to it some people don't like to be confronted some people don't think they have it and are a bit in denial about it and I was like I see this as nothing but a win I finally have like more answers about myself why I am the way I am and not not just for other people and where I fit in with things cuz like it doesn't change anything about me I'm still the exact same person I was but for me it makes me go easier on myself having these diagnoses diagnoses about the conditions that I have like knowing that I'm autistic ADHD or DHD as they call it um makes me go easier on myself being like okay that's why I couldn't really keep up in college because my brain just kind of like works at a different pace it doesn't really study things the the way other people study it in a neurotypical way and it it's made me like recontextualize my life a lot more and made me just feel better about myself and I think that's the biggest thing that I've taken away from all of this CU I've lived with it for so long now 34 years of my life that like it's not it's not going to change anything really it'll just make me dealing with myself a bit easier it'll make me go easier on myself and treat myself a bit more kindly and I think that's really important cuz how many of us don't treat ourselves kindly and a lot of people are probably like Sean why are you telling everybody well it's not like you got diagnosed with cancer or something I get it um like I said it doesn't really change much about myself and it's not it's not like a condition that's like really like life-threatening for me or anything like that but I think it's a good conversation to have because when I talked about being diagnosed with ADHD the amount of people that came out in support of that but also said that they got tested because of me like even my agent said he got tested much later in life older than I am because of the stuff I was saying and I know that some people are going to say the same thing about this like oh I didn't know autism can like present itself that way like looking at me you wouldn't think that I was autistic for a lot of people so I think it's important to have that conversation and also just normalize it I'm trying to you know what I'm trying to [ __ ] change this industry I'm trying I'm going into next year with a a an evolutionary mindset that I want to change this [ __ ] industry from people who are obsessed with ambition and Legacy Legacy is just another [ __ ] word for ego and narcissism like you're trying to build up a life for yourself that you want people to remember you after you're dead how self- involved is that do good things and hope people do good things back and just spread positivity and joy you know but I want to change this sort of mentality around mental health and the way people operate and this whole idea of like chasing ambition and Views and goals and projects and being better than yourself every single day it's fine to want to be better but at the beest of absolutely everything else in your life where your mental health struggles and all you're doing is being productive and making things and just not living your life or being a person or exploring your own mental health and your own mentalities or dealing with the stuff in your past that [ __ ] you up as a kid that's driving you to be ambitious because your dad probably instills something in you or your mom wasn't proud enough of you so you're trying to like you know what I mean trying to break down these walls and not like hide away from all of this [ __ ] have people like sit in this sort of like pseudo masculinity nonsense that we're all kind of hiding in um at least from my perspective being like I don't know I'm just kind of tired of the lack of conversation around a lot of this stuff and a lot of people when I announced on Twitter that I had autism people were like dude why would you admit to that like it's some sort of bad thing it's some sort of thing that suddenly like makes me worse or makes me a different person it doesn't most of I would guarantee you that 99% of the people who do YouTube or do content creation or any sort of creative artistic thing all have ADHD there's a reason that a lot of us are attracted to a job where we make our own hours and we get to communicate with people through a camera rather than having to be in front of them 24/7 you know there's a there's a definite pattern to this nonconformity aspect of like not wanting to do a regular 95 job so you sit in front of a camera playing video games or you know and I bet you like half of those people probably have autism and they just don't realize that that's what autism is like the way it presents itself and it's the sort of terminologies and the paperwork and everything about it the the conversation around autism and what it is is completely changing and 10 years ago I wouldn't have even said I mean even five years ago I wouldn't have said that I had autism and now here I am where I'm like yeah the signs were all there all along and the way it presents itself in me is not so much um apparently my communication is good but people don't realize like when I'm conversing with people I'm going through like a million different things in my brain I'm overanalyzing the way I am I'm overanalyzing everything that I say I'm pushing everything through a filter in my brain I'm reading everyone's body language all the time to like see where things fit in so I always say that I'm a really good judge of character because I'm like hyper analyzing people all the time and not in any sort of judgmental way where I like throw it back at them but for me it's like a a thing that I can use to kind of like help me get through conversations and social structures a bit easier and I'm able to weave in and out through that and I use comedy as my tool to do that I can like sit down in a group of people use comedy and within five minutes I can get a beat on everybody and I can figure them out and that that's my superpower guys I have autism I have superpowers I but also with me it's sensory things like I've talked a lot about like let's say BB goes for a poop in the kitchen I can smell when he goes to the bathroom immediately I can pick up on the smell of [ __ ] a mile away I'm like a shark with blood in the water and then if he like shits on himself or something I'm like Evelyn you got to clean it up because if I look at it and smell it and touch it I will I gag non-stop like I want to be able to help but I can't do it I will gag crazy czy with certain foods I'm a bit weird with like the textures and the consistencies of them so for me it's like a lot of sensory things um but apparently I'm doing masking like all the time um so it's really interesting I I think it's interesting to see like a lot of the stuff that people talk about like in social situations and like no I'm just introverted and all you probably are autistic and you just don't realize it and unfortunately getting tested for autism is a really tricky thing to do cuz I went private privately because the waiting list publicly on the NHS is like 2 years [ __ ] that I can't imagine having to wait that long to kind of like get an answer for things for yourself so I feel for everybody out there um who has to wait that long I'm lucky that I was able to go private and it still took like two and a half months to get that uh assessment ready and the assessment was fine for anyone who's thinking about doing it the assessment for me was go in and sort of like break break down your life in a way that is like were you always like this as a kid how did you play with other kids how did you interact with other people were you shy were you communicative did you how did you imagine your play when you were a kid and now as an adult how do you interact with other people is it difficult to like keep eye contact all of those types of questions that you kind of expect will be asked but there's an assessment form that they go down through that actually is like graded and for me the one of the scores there was like a couple of things that I was being scored on but one of the scores was like the threshold was like anything over a hundred is probably autism spectrum and I scored like 121 so it wasn't like a crazy high number um but there's definitely like the traits are there um and you're not really supposed to say like moderate severe or like high functioning and all of that kind of stuff anymore because it's it's kind of degrading but you can kind of like figure out where where I am on the Spectrum with a bunch of other like terminologies um but the the assessment I found actually quite interesting because it is some people don't like breaking down their life and like confronting themselves in that way but I I quite enjoy doing that I'm a very introspective person and I like kind of figuring out how I tick so I thought it was an interesting assessment to go through but it's it wasn't scary or anything at least not for me so I would say if you're thinking about doing it but you're kind of like apprehensive about it or scared of it go for it um if anything the worst thing that can happen is that you end up exactly in the place that you're in right now and that's probably not that bad but all the people out there whenever I'm playing video games and they're like man Sean's so distracted what is he stupid I was pulling my hair out every time he did this you guys are making fun of an autistic person but you don't feel so good now huh you guys were attacking me over stuff that I can't control how does that feel huh not so good some of the reactions to though were really funny people were like Jack we know you did a 100 episodes of Happy Wheels that that was funny or I posted like the mustard meme from the Kendrick album of me screaming and then right after that was like I got diagnosed with autism and people were like duh I think that's funny I think it's fine I'm okay with people joking about it I I don't really have a problem with that I think it's kind of funny but I also wanted to talk about it because this is sort of the Year where not only in my personal life I'm trying to live my authentic self as it's called and I'm trying to figure out more about myself and gain the confidence to kind of just be me as who I am but it's also the year of mental health for me and for thankas and I think it's that's another reason why I like pushed myself to get these assessments and to kind of like open up that conversation and be sort of that person that kind of takes that initiative so I have an audience of people that I can use that influence to spread a better message and be more positive about it and break down this whole like dude don't admit it autistic people are bad or like people are going to treat you differently or like it's not cool to do that or you know I'm just so [ __ ] tired of that I'm tired of this version of the internet that we live in where everyone has to be like crazy productive crazy ambitious build a legacy be as cool as you possibly can be show no signs of weakness whatsoever that's all [ __ ] not showing weakness and puffing your chest up and trying to be the coolest person you can be and be as productive as you can and do the coolest things you can be that's weakness to me because that means you're hiding from you're just working to hide from what you're actually scared of which is being alone with yourself and loving yourself obviously I'm throwing out a bunch of accusations but and it's not true for everybody and it's all unique and it's all different but you know what I mean you know what I'm getting at you know where the vibe I'm sitting in is and I want to tackle that head on next year and I want to evolve I want to be an evolved version of myself that is I kind of contradicts itself saying like going against the whole like be better every day but you know what I mean I want to be more open to who I am as a person and not dance around [ __ ] because of what everybody else tells me I should be acting like that's what it is um but thank Miss is going ahead soon tickets are on sale if you are close to the LA area you want to come see it we have so many guests I put them up already um you can go to the community Tab and see it it's all over Twitter as well I've been posting a lot about it uh we have some incredible guests coming up we have some musical acts we have two shows that are going on it's going to be a great [ __ ] day I'm so excited for it I can't wait to get together as a community and raise money for mental health and kind of like push this Narrative of positivity and change and upheaval that I think the industry so desperately needs um because it's not been a great year for YouTubers and people who everyone thought was amazing and great and like oh your numbers are really high so that means you're a great person you do a lot of Charity so that means you're a great person not always the case um and I've always tried to be a bit more transparent and honest and break down that wall and that barrier and not build myself up into something that I'm not and I think that that's important that's why I'm having this conversation with you right now that's why I ramble that's why we're here that's why we do do it that's the end of it all thanks for watching um I don't know I have autism that's it

Transcript for:Understanding Autism and Personal Insights

Transcript for:
Understanding Autism and Personal Insights