Lecture on Chapter 10: Conflict in Intimate Relationships

Introduction to Conflict in Relationships

• Lecture by Dr. Marc Attala on Chapter 10 of "Intimate Relationships" by Bradbury and Carney.
• Focus on understanding why lovers disagree and patterns of disagreements.
• The importance of clear and honest communication.

Why Lovers Disagree

• Conflicts arise when one person's goals interfere with another's.
• Conflicts are inevitable but do not have to be destructive.
• Researchers focus more on how people disagree rather than what they disagree about.

Divorce Trends and Social Exchange Theory

• Post-WWII divorce spike; peak around 1980.
• Unresolved conflicts accumulate, leading to relationship dissatisfaction.
• Negative emotions amplify the impact of disagreements.

Emotional Tone and Affect in Communication

• Affect alters the meaning of communication.
• Example: "I wouldn't pay to hear him sing" changes meaning with affect.

Gottman's Structural Model of Marital Interaction

• Unhappy couples characterized by:
  1. Less positive, more negative behavior.
  2. Predictable behavior patterns.
  3. Longer cycles of negative behavior.

Cognitive Editing and Reactivity Hypothesis

• Happy couples use cognitive editing; respond neutrally or positively to negativity.
• Unhappy partners are more sensitive to daily hassles (reactivity hypothesis).

Misattribution of Arousal and Table Talk Technique

• Couples often disagree on the cause of arguments.
• Table talk: method to pinpoint miscommunication.
• Unhappy couples perceive communication as more negative.

Compromise and Demand-Withdraw Pattern

• Importance of compromise in relationships.
• Demand-withdraw pattern: one demands, other withdraws, leading to polarization.
• More common when significant change is desired.

Gender Differences and Relationship Types

• Women tend to demand more change than men.
• More pronounced in studies and across relationship types (gay, lesbian, straight).

Negative Behavior and Relationship Satisfaction

• Strong negativity leads to unhappy and unstable relationships.
• Direct, specific communication is more effective, even if negative.

Attachment Theory and Problem Solving

• Secure individuals are better problem solvers.
• High anxiety or avoidance leads to poor problem solving.
• Attachment influences response to conflict.

Conclusion

• External factors influence conflict response.
• Secure attachment fosters better conflict resolution.
• Summary of key points from chapter 10.