does he always come back to you after you've already gotten over him why does he only appreciate you once you're no longer there it has everything to do with the differences between how men versus women fall in love if you listen to these five key reasons why men need space to fall in love not only will you understand men better but you'll also have the knowledge to get the man you want to be in love with you welcome to the Players Club if you're paying attention to me and everyone else in the live stream please say here a present so that I know you're here present and actively participating with everyone welcome on this beautiful Friday Friday afternoon for me depending on what time it is in the world for you oh look my bottle's empty I won't be able to drink as much water my bottle's empty welcome to you guys so um good to see you we got we got sh here we got cat here we got ban here of course where's Sharice been I haven't seen Sharice in a while shice is going to be in trouble we got Ivy here in the YouTube chat U me lady we got based Beauty um we got Anitra Molina Enlighten a of course Welcome All of You Beautiful People sorry if I didn't shout you out but Welcome All of You Beautiful peop glad to have you guys here so excited to spend this time with you let's hop right into it okay so number one we're discussing why men need space to fall in love number one is male desire specifically the male desire scale okay now I want to get into this and jump right into it and get detailed because this is very important for you to understand I know for you actually let me not even assume let me start off with a question for you guys do you find your yourself liking a guy more or less the more time you spend away from him okay that's my first question to you guys cuz I don't want to go off an assumption cuz you guys are all women you guys have your own perspective do you end up liking a man more or less the more time you spend away from him I want each and every one of you beautiful people to answer in the live stream you guys know I need you guys to participate okay uh brown sugar says less um Atasha says less more if I'm away from him juel says more okay Dana says way less okay pretty Miracle says less AA says Less in the YouTube chat uh nadifa says less PM uh primmed says less right U Mady says more okay Ivy said more uh uh Le says less right Linda says less okay I see a lot of people seeing less I see a few mors but I see a lot of people leaning towards less now the reason I asked you guys that question I don't want to make an assumption but I want you to understand for men majority of us are going to appreciate and love you more when we are away from you when you are absent from us and usually that becomes really confusing to you to think why do you love me more appreciate me more when I'm away from you because naturally for you guys as women you women right you naturally take the inverse approach which is why in your relationships if you've ever noticed this every time you break up with a guy it's like at the very beginning you're really let me know if this happened to you at the very beginning you're really distraught you're like oh my God I can't believe we broke up I can't believe this relationship's over I can't believe uh we're finally done and all the things that happened and I thought it was going to be with you forever and you're like super distraught at the very beginning and then as time goes on you're like um you know was sad about it but you know I'm not so sad anymore and then eventually you get over it meanwhile at the very beginning for him a lot of times he breaks up with you and you're probably seeing him posting going out hearing about him going out spending time with a whole bunch of people like nothing ever happened and you're thinking to yourself did he ever even care about me or care about the relationship and he seems like he's so happy and carefree right after you guys break up but then a couple weeks goes by a couple months goes by and then all of a sudden you start getting text from him talking about oh I miss you can can we talk can we talk can I see you again I want to I want to sit down and have a conversation I'm sorry about what I did and he's like apologizing for all this stuff he's telling you how he wants to do better but by that time you've already moved on and you're already moving forward in the relationship and you're over it right and the reason I say the reason that happens a lot of the time is because we are moving on an inverse scale to you I don't even know if this is how the scale goes but we are moving on an inverse scale to you so as you start in a lot of pain sorry I want to get in the screen here as you start with a lot of pain you kind of go like this this is your graph it goes down and down and down like this until you're like I'm over it for us we start down here right when you're absent from us we're like oh I don't care I don't care it doesn't matter to me and then as time goes on and you're continuously absent we go up here and this this threshold is just the increasing amount of pain we feel not being with you or being around you which the pain just translates to the more he begins to desire you as you're more and more absent from him okay n says out of sight out of mind that's the thing and that that is part of the that is part of the mystery of why you end up so confused on why um men seem to only appreciate you when you're not around or appreciate you when you do less we talked about uh why men love women who don't try at all or try hard right they appre they seem all the guys that you don't like that you don't care for that you don't make time for seem to be the ones that are the most obsessed with you but all the guys you do like that you do make time for those are the ones that seem to be not interested in you and this is part of the problem this is part of the disconnect right because right as you're absent they actually increase their their their pain their pain towards you right the pain that they feel about you and about the relationship because they want to see you they want you to be present they want to be around you they begin Desiring you more right and the pain they feel is of not being able to have you right so being absent right even though for you it might be out of sight out of mind they begin to feel like wow she's absent from my life but it only makes me want her more it only makes me have that hunger and desire for her more I have that thirst for her more and that ends up good for you because then you're able to inspire a man to chase after you right and be on his hands and knees crawling for you because of how much he desires you and wants you I know you guys all love to be chased right but there's a certain groundwork and Foundation that you have to lay in order to be chased in order to be pursued right guys aren't going to just do that for the sake of doing that but if you understand what inspires that then you can change your approach even for the guys that you do like because naturally this is happening for the guys that you don't like but you don't like them so you don't care but the fact that you don't care actually makes you respond a particular way and that's what makes the guys like you more but the guys that you do care about it forces you to respond a particular way and those ways make them like you less okay does that make sense to you guys so far I know that that's a little bit confusing but I just wanted to break down to you the inverse of thought and the way we kind of go in the opposite direction of you as time goes on even though you're thinking to yourself but if I spent a week away from you or if I wasn't talking to you every day then I'm kind of going to be less interested in you it doesn't feel like we're as close it doesn't feel like we're connecting as much which is why the guys you do like you try to be on their necks and talk to them every single day every second of every day not realizing that they're actually moving in the opposite direction of you okay right so if you now I know your your next question will then become okay I understand that the men desire skill moves differently than us it moves in the opposite direction so how do I affect the men's desire skill and use it to my advantage one of the easiest ways and the easiest examples is I'm not going to give you any super uh different information here if you've been on the show you know what I'm about to say when I pull this out what am I about to say when I pull this out what am I about to say when I pull this out what am I about to say when I pull this out you should know one of the easiest ways to be absent and or give him space in a way that allows him to continue Desiring you and then eventually fall in love with you you stay look look at my A+ students all my A+ students know the answer to this you stay off the damn phone stay off the damn phone sh said it ban said it um me lady said it NRA sweet right Rosie do you guys know stay off the damn phone okay that means you're not texting I don't even need listen I know for some of you you guys are like you know oh this is long distance long distance listen even for those of you in long distance I don't want your relationship to be focused on text or even phone calls any type of relationship you have should be centered around the fact that you guys are going to spend real quality in-person time together and everything else should be organized in the relationship around that the the the Crux right or the beef or the meat of the relationship should not be the phone why because you're not serving yourself in any way the phone the problem with the phone is it gives him access and you access to each other in very very lowquality forms and when we're talking about a relationship it only works against you the most when you're giving him access to you in low quality forms because it makes him feel like he's talking to you and seeing you all the time and remember we're talking about why men need space to fall in love so if he feels like he's talking to you and seeing you all the time 24/7 no breaks whatsoever you might think oh that's good because that means he's going to be liking me more when in reality you're not actually giving him any space to desire you more and when you don't give him space to desire you more well then how is he supposed to begin pursuing you the way that you want him or want men in general to pursue you right it eliminates his desire and his hunger to pursue you when he feels like he's always talking to you 24/7 because when you really think about it the only place to go from talking to someone 24 7 the only place to go you can't desire them more and want to talk to them more if you already talked to them 24/7 the only place to go from there is down meaning the only thing for him to say to himself after a while of talking to you 24/7 is for him to say well you know we talk 24/7 but I wouldn't mind if we talked a little bit less than 24/7 well we talk all the time but you know I just kind of need a couple days off from her yeah we talk all the time but you know I I'll take a week away from her it's getting a little bit much you see that how that happens and it's very dangerous especially at the beginning of the relationship when men you and the man are trying to feel each other out and get an understanding of okay I think I like you but how much do I really like you and even if I do like you do I like you more than I like any one of these other uh one of my options or just women in general right I want to pursue you but I do do I want to pursue you even more than I want to pursue any other women out there for me and so what I mean by that is in the process of you guys dating and getting to know each other he's also determining to himself okay how much do I really want her specifically until he finally commits himself totally and utterly to you okay right and so when you're doing the job of being unavailable over this text meaning what I mean by that for those of you who are new here here you don't text at all don't text at all someone said it earlier uh shet said it oh oh my gosh that was my flash said it earlier you use the phone as a scheduling tool meaning this is only for the purposes of knowing and scheduling with each other when the next time you're going to see each other in person is this is like such a key important part right uh shelana says no one else teaches it's crazy because this is actually such a key important part of how we date today that if it's not properly taken care of you will ruin everything else that you're working for okay everything else because we have become accustom to using the phone as a form of building our romantic relationships but you don't understand that it's actually hurting your ability to get the type of relationships you want and to elicit the type of responses from men that you want right because like I said that kills his desire to want to actually see you in person when he feels like he's always seeing you in person right uh Judy says uh what now as we Face Time every day before I sleep horrible cut that out cut that out immediately Judy and anyone of you else who are doing the 247 text all the time Snapchat all the time FaceTime 24/7 why because if he's fa this is the thing see you're texting and calling him and all all that stuff on the phone because you feel like you're getting to talk to him and see him more and spend more time with him that's how you feel when you get to FaceTime him or call him or text him 24/7 I'm not just talking about Judy I'm talking in general that's how you feel but then that's also how he feels so then think to yourself if he feels like he's always seeing you and talking to you and spending time with you why would he then be motivated and have the hunger to say oh I'm not seeing and talking to her enough I want to actually see her on a date in real life take her out somewhere where we got to get dressed up and I got a plan I got a schedule we we'll go somewhere nice we'll eat some food and all that good stuff when he's already getting that same fulfillment and satisfaction from FaceTiming you 24/7 all the time every single night do you see how even for the men that don't realize this is happening they don't realize that it's killing and hurting their desire for you they just know that they get to talk to you 24/7 all day every day and then they also naturally feel the satisfaction of talking to you through the phone so they don't feel the hunger to say I need to see you in person I need to take you out on a date I need to spend some real time with you because I'm not getting that over the phone I'm not getting that feeling of fulfillment or satisfaction action over text cuz you're not texting me we're not calling we're not speaking but I know that I want you and it's literally painting me inside the fact that I'm not seeing you or speaking to you so when are you free I need to take you out on a date do you see how that works right his only option to for you becomes seeing you in person and it becomes agonizing to not be around you and that space is what allows his interest in you to continue continue growing that when he doesn't vice versa I just said if he's talking to you 24/7 the only place the only thing for him to say next is I would love to talk to her less vice versa if he feels like he never gets to speak to you at all the only place for him to go from there is I wish I could talk to her more I wish I could see her more I wish I could spend more time with her as he begins to think that right his desire and hunger for you grows I'm talking about like emotionally as his desire and hunger for you grows right then he begins acting on that desire and hunger by pursuing you right and see it all kind of snowballs in the direction that works for you and is what you need okay uh Libra says is a 30-minute convo okay a few times a week my advice to you if you guys live within an hour driving distance of each other my advice to you would be leave we're going to talk about anticipation in a bit but my advice to you would be to leave the conversations to an absolute minimum outside of being a scheduling tool for seeing him the next time okay that's my honest truthful advice to you okay simply because the moment I say oh uh yeah just have a few conversations 30 minutes a week now you're starting to think oh well you know it's fine if I just have a few convers then you get sucked into it and now you're lost because now you don't know how to cut it off or when to end it or oh we're talking about something serious now so I got to text them or I got to right and then you just you just snowball into the wrong direction my advice to you would be to only use this as a scheduling tool I know for some of you that it's really scary cuz you're thinking oh but I might meet someone that I don't really Vibe with or I might meet someone that I don't really like or I might meet someone and I might realize that this date is trash or I might realize that they have no banter or they're not my style or they're not my vibe that's fine that's perfectly fine you do understand that right when you go out on these dates you don't owe him anything and that doesn't mean you have to give him anything because you guys are on a date you're on a date to feel each other's Vibe out and it's a much better way to feel someone's Vibe out when you actually meet them in person and you judge their character or how you feel about them based on your inperson meeting rather than hoping that the phone will warm you up to who they are that you can go out on a date when in reality the phone might warm you up to the person they're not and you go out on a date with them only to realize that they're not your Vibe because how they are on the phone is not a true representation of who that person really is in real life and what you'll feel when you're sitting across from that person in real life so if that's the case then why are you even wasting time giving yourself a representation of that person that's not even going to be accurate to the real relationship you're going to have in real life okay you see how your anxiety will play tricks on you that oh you know it'll be better and safer if I just if I just uh you know text him first before I meet him no it'll be better and safer if you go and you meet uh for your first date in a public place that's what'll actually be better and safer then you can feel out the date if you have a horrible dating story where you meet him and you don't like him and he's not your five cool you've actually wasted way less time by going ahead and meeting him in person and realizing he's not your Vibe instead of texting him for 3 weeks calling him for for 3 weeks right and then finally going on on date only to be disappointed but now you're so hung up on how you texted him and what it felt like when you guys were texting that all you can think about is uh you know I'll try and make this work because over text we were getting along so well and you come to the same conclusion regardless it just takes you longer okay you guys does that make sense to you guys H Mady says I told him I didn't want to text he said that was hot that's the thing too I I I tell you like the guys see I talk to you obviously I have a little bit of emotional intelligence I can articulate myself so I can communicate the thoughts and the feelings of men okay however 99.9% of men will not be able to do that that's fine that's not supposed to be their skill set but what I mean by that is they're not even going to be able to tell you what they find most attractive until you do it and then they find it attractive so kind of as like me me lady said right um when she was telling guys that she's not interested in texting she doesn't have time to text she's not going to do that they don't even realize how much they appreciate that or want the girls who don't have time to be texting up until it happens and they're like damn that's attractive you you understand what I'm mean right and that's why I exist in your life to give you that knowledge of the things that men don't even aren't even able to come out of themselves and tell you that they find attractive or they desire or helps them desire you more right I'm sharing that with you that you can utilize that and then he's sitting here and thinking oh my God like you're the best thing since sliced bread how did you get so amazing how did you get so awesome how did you get so attractive I just need you in my life right meanwhile you just have all the knowledge which is why you're able to utilize that like I always say guys it's bit for for majority of you cuz I know most of you don't have no huge bobble head no no nasty deformities or anything crazy like that you guys are good-look attractive women so it's all about your approach in terms of getting these guys interested in you to the point where they'll do anything for you okay you can get all the guys to want to sniff your butthole but you just have to do the right things that you inspire them to want to sniff your butthole okay it's possible right so uh first we had uh the male desire skill and kind of the differences there second let's talk about comparison okay so men need to be able in order for them to have the space that they can fall in love with you they need to be able to compare what it's like to be with you versus what it's like to not be with you I know this sounds very simple in its concept but I want you to understand how you're actually hurting yourself with the phone and the being around 24/7 that you're actually not giving him a chance to compare what it's like to be with you versus without you some of you are doing this thing let me know if this is you let me know if this is you be honest with me don't lie some of you are doing this thing where you meet a guy you like a guy and you guys are spending time together and then you jump right into the sleepovers tell me if sleepovers is one of your favorite things to do when you start liking a guy now you jump right into the sleepovers you're sleeping over once twice three times a night right three three days in a row and you're doing the sleepovers because you're like oh I like you you like me we like each other you know you got a place your place so nice you know we'll spend time with each other instead of us just going out on one date for a couple hours now we can I can sleep over and then you know we'll do a movie night and then we'll sleep in the same bed and then we'll wake up together and then it'll be all so amazing and it'll be like we're in a relationship right right and you think that that's good because you're jumping into it and you're making it super intense right away and it's lots of fun that you guys guys can do a little sleepover and all that good stuff without realizing that this just like the texting you're not giving him the opportunity to see what his life is like outside of being with you or being around you you want so badly to be around and talk all the time right spend all the time together right because maybe you like quality time so you want quality time to be every time without realizing that spending all that time with him is actually not allowing him to compare how he feels when he's not with you okay I see some I seen some of you earlier were like no I don't do that that's not me no I would never do that right and then some people were like yeah to be honest I do that okay it's okay if you do that we all we all make mistakes right including myself I'm not a perfect person um right uh so and the reason I ask you guys that not to diss you but the reason I ask you guys that question is because I want you to understand how that works against you okay and how it makes men not able to see what their life is like without you because remember when I gave you guys the example just a little bit earlier on about how you know when you're you have an ex and then all of a sudden your an ex-man he comes back and he's talking about how much he wants to change and he's telling you all the things he wants to do differently and you know he just does a complete 180 from the person you were dating now all of a sudden he's ready to make all the changes necessary to be in a relationship why do you think that happens because finally after being with you for so long he's had some time to be without you to actually compare what it felt like within him what it felt like around him what his life looked like right what he would go through how he would feel emotionally right how he actually had some time to compare the difference between being with you versus not being with you and he came to the realiz a that he does not enjoy the feeling or what his life looks like when he's not with you and you have to un you have to understand you need you need to understand the most powerful thing for a man to do is to realize that he wants to be with you okay I didn't say to be convinced that he wants to be with you I didn't say to to be persuaded that he wants to be with you I mean of his own genuine thoughts and feelings and emotions and opinions and perspective to genuinely come to his own realization that he wants to be with you that is when you will get the absolute best out of a man not by trying to do all your different things scrubbing the floor three times washing all the dishes cleaning up uh making dinner that's not how you're not going to convince him into realizing that he wants to be with you he actually has to experience things right specifically in this case the comparison and the pain associated with not being with you to come to his own realization that he wants to be with you okay so then you're probably thinking okay how do I create that comparison so it's not just about we talked about not being on the phone we talked about not being available in these lowquality formats using the phone as a scheduling tool we also talked about not jumping into the sleepovers and not being like Oh I want to sleep over 24/7 because you you easily become something mundane and chill chill you know how I feel about the word chill right you become something chill to him that's just always around always available always there always existing I don't really need to think about it right so first of all you're not going to be available in those senses secondly what needs to happen is you need to focus on making the time that he does get to spend with you as high quality as possible meaning that when he does get to spend time with you make sure there is focus there when I say Focus I mean no distractions even if you're going out to eat or spending some time outside let it be the phone is away you're not just wa passively watching a movie or passively watching a TV show where you're not learning about each other where you're not engaged with each other whatever it is that you're doing there should be a large element of Engagement between you and him doesn't necessarily mean you got to sit down and it's got to be a therapy session but you two should be engaged with each other let him feel things when he's with you whether happy emotions laughter you know crying you know just let him feel things when he's with you cuz remember I always tell you people don't remember what you say they remember how you make them feel so when you're engaging him on these dates and you can engage someone by asking them good questions by being a great listener that it doesn't even have to require doing a crazy activity to be engaged with each other right you can be engaging on in the time that you do spend with him for only a short period of time that by the time he walks away from this date by the time he walks away from spending time with you all he can think about is how engaged his own emotions were around you and with you and how alive it feels to spend time with you versus how mundane and boring and uninteresting it feels to not be with you right okay uh Jess says uh uh um you got to just own up to your mistakes and uh let others uh live in the mistakes that they they haven't made stop stop projecting um uh what are you what are you referring to what are you referring to okay right uh some females have I hate um I think you meant say have mastered the art of making them chase and that's why they don't get played by players I mean we all just you have to realize we all learn at our uh own pace okay and we all make um mistakes so uh you know you can't fall anyone for making more or less mistakes than you uh we're all just uh learning at at uh our own particular PL Pace you understand what I'm saying okay uh Doris asked can this uh live be recorded yes it it's available on my YouTube you just go right above my head um and you can type in my name on YouTube and I'm live at the exact same time so um once it's once I I I leave live it will be available there as well okay uh the Primal said is a cat fight in the comments that's crazy that's crazy I was like what's going on okay so um mail does that make sense to you guys though so far so male desire was number one the comparison was number two okay so number three number three we have anticipation okay so as men begin to or desire you more and want to spend more time with you okay and you're holding it back you're holding your water you're not just jumping right into the sleepovers you're not texting the 24/7 you're not FaceTime and calling 24/7 the time that he does get to spend with you because he begins to want to spend time with you and want to see you more when he finally gets to schedule you into his life he starts to anticipate that time that he's going to get to spend with you do you understand what I'm saying he begins to anticipate the fact that I know I really enjoy being around her I know I really enjoy uh what it's like to spend time with her I also know I find it really boring or uninteresting or uh just sad whenever I'm not with her because I can compare the two now that I've had space from her I can appreciate her for who she is and what she brings into my life so now I know when I do get to spend time with her that's a really exciting period in my life uh for me and because that's a really exciting period in my life I'm going to be anticipating all the time that I do get to spend with her because it doesn't come for very often but when it does come it's always amazing and it always makes me feel amazing and so he builds his anticipation for you every time he's about to see you do you understand okay uh jukebox asked please talk about longdistance uh relationship here's my thing with longdistance relationships and I tell you guys this all the time there's a difference between a longdistance relationship and having a penp pal because some of you are in are are in a pen pal situation what I mean by pen pal situation is all you're doing is texting and maybe calling and FaceTiming with no actual intention of meeting up and spending real quality time in person you're just trying you're just kind of texting and FaceTiming because it's cool and you think all the people who don't live in your city are way better than the people who live in your city that's the problem because these penp pal situations right all the focus is on the texting and maybe some of the calling and just feeling like you have someone there 24/7 remember the feeling like you have someone there 24/7 with no intention of actually building the relationship the way it's meant to be built which is only going to come from inperson quality time unfortunately I know that's unfortunate to you I know some of you wish you could just get to know someone over text but that's not how it actually works you're not going to marry the best texter actually maybe you might but you'll probably be very disappointed if you marry the best texter okay and that's my thing about longdistance relationships now obviously that's different from spending some real good time with someone and building an in-depth relationship and then maybe one of you guys moves or goes to school or something like that and then it's long distance in which case either way your relationship should still always be focused on okay when are we going to schedule and spend real in-person quality time together okay now we know we're going to see each other in 3 months we're going to spend a week together D now we can start thinking about you know keeping up on our relationship outside of just the time we're going to spend with each other see a lot of you in long-distance relationships are doing it the opposite way you're doing the okay let's talk 24/7 right over text and maybe we'll call a little bit and and some FaceTime but we never actually discuss when we're actually going to see each other in real life right and spend real quality time together and you guys are doing it backwards as opposed to getting that down first and then focusing on how you maintain your relationship up until that point and even then you should still be mainly focused on base times right or calls if you have to do a call but not just doing a call or FaceTime and we'll get to this this is actually part of anticipation you're not just allowing him to see you whenever because part of this as he begins to desire you more and want to spend more time with you and want to spend more time around you whether you're in a long-distance relationship or not you want to do the job of forcing him to schedule you in order to see you or hear from you did you hear what I said this is very important because if you don't pay attention to this and you don't actually follow this you're going to be very messed up and you're not going to be able to get what you want out of this situation you need to force him that in order for him to see you and hear from you and spend time with you even if it's in a long-distance relationship or or FaceTime you he needs to have to schedule you in order to get that access to you why because that's the only way he can have space from you but then also be able to build his anticipation for you right as you SK force him to schedule you now he can't just say oh uh you know I wasn't really thinking about her but she just popped into my mind because she posted a story with her huge dump truck falling out of her pants and her pants are so tight in her dump truck I I'm feeling a lot of blood flow in my lower extremities so I'm going to hit her up and you know see if she can hang out today or in a couple hours right and then as soon as you can't he stops thinking about you because all he cares about is being able to see you right here right now in this second instead of being able to actually anticipate the fact that hey I know I want to see her I want to spend time with her I also know she's busy she's got lots of stuff to do she's not sitting around waiting for me to text her or call her so if I want to spend time with her if I want to take her out on a date I'm going to have to schedule that well in advance and if I'm scheduling that well in advance then now I'm anticipating the fact that I scheduled this time with her that I know I'm going to see her and finally talk to her and spend some quality time with her and I'm going to enjoy that time I I'm looking forward to that time people can't anticipate you if you're always available 24/7 think about this if I know I know I I just it makes me mad okay if I know I can pick up the phone at 2: a.m. and call you and be like yo I just got out the club girl yo I can come over right now yo I'm trying to see you right now yo I just it just it just dawned on me after this Blood Flow came to my lower extremities and after I tried to chat with every single girl at the club and I couldn't go home with any of these girls at the club that I should probably hit you up because you're free and easy yo it's 2: a.m. GR I'm trying to I'm trying to come let me see what you doing and you're like sure I'm desperate I I don't have anything else to do yeah sure I'm I'm so I'm so desperate for your validation and attention that the fact that you'll call me at 2: a.m. sure come over right it's impossible for him to anticipate you that way actually he never thinks of you that way all he thinks about is how you'll be the last resort if he ever runs out of options because you're always available he will never ever have to anticipate you if you're always available just doesn't work like that okay and this is why I say men need space to fall in love because part of that space is what triggers all of these other things you can't have comparison if there's no space from you you can't have anticipation if there's no space from you right if you don't take a step back none of these things can happen if you're glued to his hip you're on his you're on his arm like this like a like a like a like a gat you know like you're just a mosquito just on his arm like this he never has time to actually think to himself gee golly I actually want to be with this girl I actually want to see her more I actually desire this girl all he's thinking he's like get this damn mosquito off my arm right all he's thinking about is how he can actually slip away and get some time away from you and he's actually falling out of love whatever the opposite is right he's losing interest in you he's losing feelings for you you're always there 247 hey hey I just I just got up what are you doing today you just you just you just woke up are you brushing your teeth what type of toothpaste do you use send me a Snapchat of your toothpaste I want is it Colgate or which one is it is it is it Armen Hammer I want to see which ones you're what are you eating for breakfast I know it's only 3 minutes later what are you eating for breakfast though I want to see let me see Snapchat me Snapchat me because I'm addicted I'm addicted to attention please it's sad it's sad and you don't realize it because I know for you okay it's not your fault because I know for you you think that okay every second of every day that we're talking and we never stop talking and every day is like a talk and I'm like sniffing your your air and I'm breathing your air and you're breathing my air and and can you please transfusion your blood into my blood and let's have the same blood and let's beat the same heartbeat I know that that's how you feel and that's how you feel like you're getting the deepest and strongest connection with him but I want you to understand that's the quickest way to get him to lose interest in you because all he can think about is damn okay I did like her but this is a lot and I kind of just want a just the tiniest bit of a break and the moment guys start thinking they want a break from you they immedi Med start believing in themselves that they desire you less because that narrative doesn't work together I can't desire you more but then also feel like I need a break from you so the moment he feels like he starts needing a break from you he automatically says to himself oh I actually don't like her that much oh I'm actually not that interested in her and then because he believes he's not that interested in you he starts building narratives around the the reasons why he's not that interested in you and he acts on those narratives right we create narratives in our own head based on what we observe or what we feel and then we act on those narratives that are created so you want to be creating in his mind the narratives that he's thinking of you so much because he desires you he he desires you so much because you never have time for him and he wants to spend more time with time with you and all this stuff because all that's going to do is going to force him to act on those narratives he's creating in his head he's not going to think to himself oh I'm always thinking about her and always want to spend more time with her because I don't like her he's going to be thinking to himself I always want to spend more time with her because of how much I desire her and so he's going to be looking for all the confirmations of that narrative okay uh Vicki said earlier some men do this and it's suffocating right it's it's see the crazy part about it is this is why this is this is um can be so helpful to come to a realization of of how what you can step outside of yourself and really see how you were other people were receiving you and it can be very sobering but also very beneficial because when you better understand how other people are receiving you you can also understand how to change or adjust your approach so that they receive you differently okay because just like Vicki said when this is getting done to you excuse me when someone is suffocating you it feels very icky and disgusting and you're like please get away from me I'm not interested in you but when you like someone it's hard to realize that you're suffocating them okay and it's very hard to take a step back all right uh uh Jill says are you a therapist no I'm just a regular human being just like you with thoughts and emotions and feelings just like you and experiences just like you I don't have any particular information that you can access or experience in your own life okay we just discuss things that maybe something I say might pull out an idea or a concept that was already existing inside you I don't have any answers to your life or you know a doctor degree that I'm going to give you and say hey these are the answers to everything that you've been going through okay wow Anitra uh uh donated uh super chatt in the YouTube chat she super chatted $30 she didn't even say anything she just super chatted $30 so thank you so much Anitra for the uh $30 uh Super Chat I think that's the that's actually let's all give Anitra a round of applause because that is the biggest uh donation I think I've ever gotten on this live before so I really appreciate that uh Anitra I actually really do that's that definitely is the largest donation I've ever on Tik Tok or on YouTube so everyone give Anitra a round of applause you didn't even ask a question but thank you very much I really appreciate you thank you okay um so that was I hope you guys are following so far so I had I talked about the meale desire skill I talked about the comparison okay and next was the anticipation fourth I want to discuss with you guys intention okay I told you earlier that men are creating narratives in their mind based on how they think they feel towards you and about you so as you're scarce to them and they want to spend more time with you they say to themselves oh I want to spend more time with her because I like her more that narrative that's created they now look for conf confirmations of that to continue believing that and then they act on those confirmations right so because of his increased desire for you he begins to feel and act on that internal feelings and thoughts that he's having and become more intentional with you because he feels that those feelings that are being created within him because of how you're responding to him and how he feels about you are genuine to him and so the intention is a result of the comparison the anticipation and the fact that men are only able to appreciate you truly when and genuinely when they're spending time away from you because now that they have the space to say to themselves now that they have the spa space to say to themselves I actually like her I want to spend more time with her I like her because of these reasons I want to see her more because of these reasons she makes me feel so good I want to be around her more go on more dates with her that leads to him wanting to take an action on those thoughts or feelings or that narrative that he's created okay because within himself he understands okay I must I must feel this way about her because I genuinely desire her if I genuinely desire her then I'm going to pursue her okay this is why I always tell you guys the most powerful thing for a man is the realization not being convinced that he likes you not being persuaded into liking you it's for him to come to his own realization that he desires you and wants to pursue you this is why I always tell you guys when we I know we talk about men and what men want what men think are interesting and attractive and all that good stuff but but the the plus side about that is all of the stuff we discuss doesn't actually mean you have to do anything for those men in reality the most attractive version of yourself is actually someone who invests in yourself and in the process of you investing in yourself you become attractive to all of the men think about all the things you would be doing to be the most attractive version of yourself going to the gym getting fit taking care of your hair your nails all that good stuff your hygiene right uh getting your mental health straight right uh making sure you're healed from any of your traumas like all of these things are really just uh things you would be doing to invest more into yourself and take care uh take better care of yourself then the men come across you and they're like damn you're healed damn you're bad as hell damn your dump truck's hitting damn you got a small waste damn you got a great Vibe damn your energy is so on point damn you make me smile you make me laugh y you you got just such a good energy to you right and they think to yourself you're so attractive to me I want you I want to pursue you and all you did was invest in yourself you didn't do it like you didn't do anything meanwhile there's other girls who are desperate for for attention and validation they're like no but look at me no don't look at her look at me I'm scrubbing the floor please can you look at me I'm scrubbing the floor while I'm cooking dinner while I'm doing everything that you want please anything that you want I'll do it how do you want me to ask how do you want me to talk how do you want me to walk I'll do anything I'll do I'll do 30 things at once I'm losing my mind please just pay attention to me why are you paying attention to her she doesn't even like you like I like you I'll do anything for you I'll literally I'll literally I'll literally take a bullet for you anything you want the girls who are scrubbing the floor and cooking the best dinner or getting overlooked by the girls who are literally doing nothing for the men investing in themselves be because truly the guys don't want the girls who are seeking their validation they want the girls who could care less about their validation okay I I don't know how else to tell it to you in a nice way it's the truth right and the girls who were sitting there scrubbing the floor trying to do the absolute most to show that I'm the one please please be convinced that I'm the one they just say to himself oh my God you're a train wreck so how you doing girl yo you look good yo what you get that dump be crazy yo that dump truck crazy on you how you looking like that girl guys don't want to be convinced to like you they don't want to be convinced to pursue you it doesn't make them feel good it doesn't put them in their natural masculine position and it doesn't even make those feelings feel genuine to him they want to actually desire you which is why they pursue you which is why it's always advantageous for you to take multiple steps back sit back do nothing continue investing in yourself cuz that makes you more and more attractive continue investing in yourself but when they approach you and they pursue you you sit back relax you do nothing you say cool I mean you want me that bad show me what you you got let him do back flips and front flips and side flips and uh you know juggle a million balls while he sets himself on fire to try to convince you and afterwards you just you just oh that I mean that was nice there's a thousand other guys that will do that too but that was nice that's that's cool that's a start right and just let him keep pursuing don't even if you like the guy see this is what this is what this show is really about is the understanding of emotions specifically obviously from the male perspective the Mal's emotions how they feel how they think how they respond how they react realizing how you respond and react in particular situations and how you're triggered to respond and react but then understanding what response you're trying to elicit from the man and figuring out how you can control your emotions and only project out what you're trying to actually receive okay or project out a particular emotion or feeling or action that he can receive it in a particular way and respond to you in the way that you want him to respond I know that sounds like Master manipulation that's because it is okay so uh intention is a result of that comparison of how men are naturally cuz with the absence we grow more fond of you and more appreciative of you and then the anticipation when you're doing that right as well okay so in terms of giving you guys a direct example so you can so you can understand that means means you do not ask him to spend more time with I'm going to get mad you do not ask him to spend more time with you do not ask him to take you out on more dates or why doesn't he want to see you more or why doesn't he want to hang out with you you don't ask him any of that why it doesn't matter to you the fact whether or not he wants to see you is irrelevant to you your life continues to move forward in a great awesome amazing way whether or not he's trying to spend time with you or not you're not hung up on how much he wants to see you or not see you because here's the thing you remove his ability to be intentional about you and the relationship when you start nagging him why don't you want to take me out on a date why don't you want to see me more why don't you want to hang out more why are you so busy do you not like me do you not care about me do you not want to be with me are you going on other dates with cut that out because at that point even if he does take you out more even if he does ask you out on a date it stops him from feeling intentional about that date or about you in general he now feels going back to what we talked about before he now feels like he's being con convinced to like you convinced to love you convinced to be interested in you convinced to pursue you rather than being like no I like her so much and I want to be with her so badly I will do anything to get her now it's more like uh she kind of made me hang out with her cuz she didn't like that I wouldn't hang out with her so sure I'll hang out with her I need you to understand that you your power is in keeping him hungry for you hungry okay starving he needs to be starved of you and your attention and your focus that all he can think about is what he must do to get back your attention and your focus and you continue to so he says look listen you need to be my wife if you're not prepared to be my wife tell me what I got to do for you to be my wife because I'mma do it what what is it I will do it and now you get to sit back and you say h i don't know I don't know what you could do you know you know just show me what you got what what do you got look I got listen you you want your nails done a th I have $1,000 you can get your nail which what what do you want you want Louis Baton which one do you want I I'll do anything what do you want just tell me what you want I'll do it right and then you have have the men Wrapped Around Your Finger doing whatever you want and you don't even have to say nothing you don't even have to say nothing just keep him on the hunt just keep him hungry keep him starving okay right very important uh shelana says he needs to feel like it's his idea 100% obviously we're talking about manipulation so the fact that you understand what response you're going to elicit out of him by doing certain actions that's perfect fine as long as he feels to him like those feelings and thoughts are genuine it all works the same way okay and it benefits you the same way because once he feels like those thoughts and feelings and emotions are genuine to him he'll act on them as they're genuine to him and you'll be a happy camper the moment you open your mouth and begin asking for things he's going to feel like he's not taking intention towards those things and you're going to be wasting your time and your also going to be sabotaging yourself okay Ash says how do we keep starving them Ash maybe you weren't here earlier one of the best ways is on this damn phone because guys are also accustomed to being able to talk to you every day all day on text on WhatsApp on Snapchat send you Tik Tok videos send you IG reels right I know what everyone loves to do right and they're so used to being to you being available to them all day every day right that they feel like they're talking to you all the time even for those of you they're like but what about calls what about facetimes well are you trying to be in a relationship with the best FaceTime or the best caller or are you trying to be in a relationship with the person who you feel the best to be around in real life okay focus on making sure all the attention goes to whatever Source you're trying to see more of okay some of you guys said it's cutting out is it is it cutting out still on YouTube I don't see anything wrong on my end okay okay uh uh uh SE sea said how do we differentiate love bombing from being intentional the difference between love bombing and being intentional love bombing a lot of times will come with words and well a lot of majority of the time is only just words being intentional comes with actions okay so for example him saying yo I want you to be my wife I want you to be the one of my children oh my God all that good stuff that's wors okay so he can say that a million times and not actually do anything actions would be yo um I I really want us to go on a date when are you free and then you actually end up going out on the date that's that's an action okay okay uh I see for some reason on YouTube I think some people are hearing me and some people aren't hearing me me that's very strange um I'm not sure why that try try refreshing cuz if everyone can if some people can hear me then I don't think it's a I I can see on my Wi-Fi here it's not it's not it's not a me thing might be a YouTube thing that's strange not sure why that's happening guys okay just give it just give it a little bit and and it it'll probably resolve itself okay uh s says what if I see him every day at work that's fine if you see him every day at work that doesn't mean that you have to talk to him every day at work okay you can still be scarce even in seeing him all the time okay you can work with him and and not necessarily speak to him all the time or allow him to initiate the conversation so when he does want to speak when he does want to talk when he does want or whatever he can come to you and he can talk he can come to you and he can speak doesn't mean that you have to go seeking him out you understand okay just move this over a little bit you don't have to come seeking him out just because uh he wants to spend time with you uh let me know if it if it resolves for you guys and uh on on YouTube okay cuz usually YouTube doesn't do too much uh glitches uh uh someone said uh can Chan said Till the Last Breath men look for options all women even oh my gosh that's crazy that last far is crazy okay winter says what if it's semi long distance same thing as long distance you're always trying to inspire not Inspire them but the focus always has to be on scheduling the next in-person meeting and then everything around that is maintenance and what I when I'm talking about maintenance is just maintaining the relationship until the next inperson meeting don't be a penp pal don't be a penp pal don't be a pen pal uh Christina says we're married and I feel like it would be a betrayal a betrayal to do what to take a step back to take you can and listen guys I don't want you guys to to listen to what I say and then take it to any one extreme you can take a step back even whether you're in a marriage whether you're in a Rel you can take a step back where you're allowing him more room to chase after you without doing anything shady okay you can actually just pick up some Hobbies or some interest or some passions right try some new things and figure out you might enjoy something and then your time and attention and focus goes onto that thing there's nothing wrong with having passions or Hobbies or Focus or things that uh bring you Joy outside of the relationship and as your energy shifts towards those things doesn't mean you neglect your relationship but naturally you'll have less time to just sit around and wait for your man to be like oh when are we going to spend time together oh when are you going to see me oh when are you going to take me out oh but I'm just sitting around waiting for you to like me again I'm just sitting around waiting for you to be free so we can hang out again no I'm actually doing things that I enjoy as well and I understand you're free now but I'm not free right now I I also have things that I care about and I'm doing and then he starts to respect the fact oh whoa oh you actually do things for yourself interesting wow I like that right uh Christina says no I'm just wondering uh if it's wrong for them to look at women on the phone uh please I hate thinking about it what do you mean look at women on the phone like scroll through IG and see IG models I mean there's a difference between looking at it and like whacking them like what do you mean like whacking himself off to it looking at it there's not it's not a crime to look at it right you can't be insecure about the fact that there's other women out there existing which is why I always say it's about his mind more than it's about uh like you have to get over the fact that there will always be other girls with bigger dump trucks than you or more volumptuous yitties than you you can't be bogged down by the idea that that's living in a in a anxious fear fear state where you're constantly just thinking oh my God is does he think that she has a bigger dump truck than me does he think that she has better yitties than me I'm so scared that you're going to like her better and you're going to leave me that energy is literally foaming through your pores and he can receive that and feel that and that's repulsive okay that's very unattractive so you have to understand that how you get him and keep him is not by you know him not seeing any other girls okay that's not how you get him and keep him uh so first we have so we had the uh male desire we had comparison we had anticipation intention lastly we have the reward okay so as they continue to feel that hunger towards you to see you more you begin to represent I'm talking about you as in like yourself your essence begins to represent the reward itself okay and and so he treats you like a reward I know all of you love to say oh I'm the prize I'm the prize I'm the prize I'm the prize I'm the prize and Everyone likes to argue about it the men say I'm the prize the girls say I'm the prize everyone thinks they're the prize that's fine everyone can be the prize but I want you to understand if you want to be the prize and you want to be treated like the prize you can be but you also have to treat yourself like a reward meaning that when he gets to spend time with you right if he's been waiting right if he's been uh you know uh doing things and scheduling time and he's been disciplined in order to finally get access to you right that's called delayed gratification because when he finally gets to spend time with you and it's amazing and he enjoys it and then all he can think about when he doesn't spend time with you is the next time he gets to spend time with you but he still has to wait until he gets to spend time with you that is delayed gratification and it turns you into the reward because the gratification becomes you the gratification becomes spending time with you the gratification becomes being with you and so intrinsically you become the reward you become the prize in itself okay and so what happens if you become the prize right if you begin embodying the prize because you are the reward and there's delayed gratification for you then he treats you like a prize he treats you like a reward he cherishes cherishes you appreciates you and continues working hard to get you you see that okay so it's very important that you allow and this is why I say I I always say notice that I always say things like allow and let him because it's a choice that you make to set the groundwork that he can actually be hungry for you and be in Hot Pursuit of you you you have to allow that space and that and that groundwork lay that groundwork for that environment to actually exist if you're all up on him that's not an environment in which he can actually desire you and want to pursue you right so you have to be disciplined within yourself to keep that structure of hey I'm not going to be you call me at 2:00 a.m. and then you know I pull up on you like door Dash that's not that's not that's not what's going to happen happen I'm busy I got things to do you know I'm not going to be your text buddy I don't got time to be texting all day I got other things to do I got other things that I care about I'm not going to be sitting on the phone texting you 24/7 cool I understand you want to call me and FaceTime me but look to be honest with you I'm not here to be in a FaceTime and call relationship you want to pull up on me you'll get the best version of me when you pull up on me in person okay I'm not here to tell you you should take me out on dates or anything like that I'm just letting you know you're saying you want more me you want to see me more you want to hear from me the best way to do that is uh you know to see me in person I'm not really a text person I'm not a phone person I got lots of stuff to do and those things require My Utmost attention and then that allows him to take intention within himself right that hey I know I want to see her I know I want to spend time with her I'm going to schedule out some time with her whatever I got to do so if whenever she's free I'm going to make it work so that I can see her and you stick to the delayed gratification and allow him to feel rewarded for the fact that he does get to spend time with you but also understand that it takes work to see you and spend time with you it's not just whenever you're available 24/7 all the time and you're just come through the door like door Dash okay right so you always keep him on the hunt continuously working hard for your time so what ends up happening is when he's working hard for your time and he's trying to get more and more access to you it stops it doesn't matter if he's busy it doesn't matter if he's a CEO of a company if he's in pursuit of you because he knows he wants you and you stay back you don't go on the offensive he's forced to start saying okay I need to work around your schedule I need to figure out when you're free because I want to date you so if I want to date you and you're busy and you don't have time I need to figure out what you need or what I can do to help you make time or have time that you can spend time with me or when you're available what do I need to schedule what days do I need to take off so I can spend time with you and just that fast he's working around your schedule even if he's a busy guy okay I told you some of you guys get so much anxiety that oh my gosh if I don't if I'm not all up on him 24/7 if I'm not making it super easy for him to see me and hear from me then he's going to stop being interested in me and he's going to stop liking me in reality it's actually the opposite the more you're available the more you try to make it easy for him he's going to not be interested in you uh nushi says it perfectly she said interested guys are never busy I don't care if he's a CEO of a Fortune 500 company people love to this this this makes me mad I'm going to go on a Rand about this okay don't let I I understand everyone has their own different unique perspectives okay and I accept that I just don't want you to listen to people talk about what guys do or don't do in a way that makes them look cool and amazing but in reality when it comes to how they actually respond to that they don't respond positively what I mean by that is some guys will I don't some guys will tell you I value men don't chase uh I'm here to tell you I'm rich I've got a million dollars and I'm a high value man me high value man me manly masculine we don't chase if we're high value we will never chase you if we're high value we will never seek out a woman if we're high value we will never pursue anything at all you know women are the last thing on our mind if we're high value we're so high value that all we see is value we don't see anything else but value more value and value hi hi value value it's ridiculous okay because plenty of the people you would consider high value whether it be athletes in the hundreds of millions whether it be celebrities entertainers uh politi people that are in the highest of heights they have wives too oh oh my God a crime a crime a man with a billion dollars 100 million a man with with lots of success in Rich is actually has a wife it's disgusting absolutely disgusting how could he possibly have a wife because women are like that's the worst thing you could do it's ridiculous okay it's ridiculous because whether or not you're the highest of high value okay if you like a woman and you're interested in her you're going to pursue her are you expecting me to believe this is my question to those people I'm asking do they expect me to believe that LeBron James L Messi Barack Obama every single high value man in existence their wife pursued them is that what you expect me to believe every single high value man is so focused on their value and how high of a value they have that they don't they can't pursue any other thing except for value that their wives the person that they ended up with their wives were the one pursuing them and only because of how well their wives pursued them is why they're W with those women that they never took the time out and be like I want to date you I want to pursue you I like you I want you I want to court you I want to be right cuz when people hear Chase they start thinking oh I don't chase I'm not desperate I'm not chasing doesn't necessarily have to mean desperation you can pursue something that you want and the funny thing about these high value men that even say oh I don't chase I don't chase I the funny thing about that is they do Chase and pursue their goal goals okay now I'm not saying that you should Chase around kitty cat you know like a maniac I just want you guys to understand when guys really want something they will pursue it so the idea that high value men don't pursue women that they actually desire and want is ridiculous cuz how would that make sense how you go about life is how you go about relationships if you pursue the things that you want you will pursue the women that you want that doesn't necessarily mean you'll pursue every woman but you will pursue pursue the woman that you want sorry that just makes me I know I ran on and Rand about that but that just makes me mad because when I hear people say that I feel like when you guys hear it you think oh well the guys are saying that they the the high value men they don't pursue so I guess I should just be the one on the offensive I guess if I find a really high value men I should be the one taking the masculine role and I should be the one dating him and asking him to go out and asking him to spend time on dates and it's that's ridiculous like you'll never get a high value man uh that way okay you're that that does not happen or exist okay in the actual world that we live in you might get some weirdo feminine man that that's fine but you're not going to get a high value Man by being the man just St it's ridiculous okay anyways do you guys have any questions about uh what we uh just discussed before we hop into the Discord by the way if you have a question of uh for the Discord please feel free uh in the YouTube chat it's pinned in the message above just click the link and then you can ask your question in the relationship advice section if you have a question and you're on Tik Tok you can just go into the my bio and uh watch that as well uh vaita says do you post videos uh same day so this live stream will be available as soon as uh it's available now but it'll be on my page as soon as the the live stream ends so yes it's available same time so you don't even have to wait for it you can just go right to my YouTube channel and you can see uh this live stream in its entirety from start to finish okay uh Ash says please read my Discord question it's Ash on there okay we'll get to yours we we'll do a lot today we'll do a lot today because there's a lot of questions okay um uh K says you have absolutely changed my life this is my favorite Channel I'm so glad I appreciate that so much you know what I mean I actually do like I I genuinely appreciate that I I try my best to go through all all your messages and and and read all of your messages I even I even read you know comments that of people that are unhappy or don't agree with me I read them too I don't delete any messages someone said that the other day they're like why do you delete comments I'm like I never delete comments no matter what you say okay uh Shel Anna says my favorite Channel too I literally stop listening to other things and and just brainwashing myself with these lives that's perfectly fine that's perfectly fine you know I try my best to give you guys a real and honest true perspective and I don't I listen I don't even want you guys to think oh well I know everything and I and I got everything figured out I actually want you guys to try implementing this in your life and see if it actually yields you Real Results don't just assume I'm right for the sake of assuming I'm right actually Implement some of the things that I talk about and then decide if I'm right based on your results so if you try some of the things that I say on a guy and you realize you're like oh my God I'm getting everything I want and this is literally exactly how he said then you know I'm I'm not bsing cuz some people be like yo are you just bsing this is fine I don't mind if you disagree I might maybe I'm full of maybe I'm full of BS I don't I don't I don't feel like uh I need to prove it to people that hey I'm right guys make sure you listen to me cuz I'm the rightest person ever and no one knows anything But Me Maybe Maybe I'm Wrong about everything and other people have better advice than me it's possible okay uh uh Rosie says uh it's the fact that you use logic to explain I try I try my best I try my best to to make it like real not just say oh because I said it that makes it right you know what I mean and someone said yesterday they were like uh uh they were like oh I can't watch your videos anymore because uh you admitted to using women or using these tactics on women and I'm like guys I hope you guys don't come to my videos thinking that I'm a holier than thou man and I'm a standup character and look I'm telling you how you should be with a man like me because I am the representation of what all men should ever be and if your man doesn't look and sound just like me and he's not he does not clean cut and you know have a nice smile and just be like that's that's ridiculous I know some of your favorite influencers or people might present themselves as that as like oh you know I'm holier than now and I'm the most amazing thing I'm the figure that you should be striving for no okay I am a real person that makes real mistakes I don't do things perfect I still make mistakes even as I give advice on those things that you shouldn't do so I have lots of learning and growing to do as well I'm not uh I'm not a holier than thou figure that uh doesn't do things wrong so sorry if that's disappointing uh shelana says at first uh I was annoyed with your advice and didn't want to listen but now I'm listening to every word it's funny it may and maybe that might be what it is for some people sometimes when they first hear it maybe they might be like this there's nothing to this and then as they start thinking about and thinking about their situations they're like oh you know you might be right a little bit it makes me mad but you might be right a little bit right uh Anisha says it taught me not to look down on anyone who had the same flaws as me because I did uh uh the same things that got me uh here but that made me better you know that's actually a perfect segue to the Discord um because the Discord is a great uh uh way for us to all see that we all make mistakes and some of us make the same mistakes and end up in the same situations and it's actually kind of beneficial to see how other people fail because one it helps you realize that you're not alone uh but it also kind of helps you kind of step outside of yourself and realize that oh I see why that was a mistake but it's more obvious to me because I'm looking at it from the outside perspective as opposed to being in it right cuz when you're in it it's harder to see how your actions reflect out L you know what I mean so perfect segue it's Discord time it's Discord time it's Discord time it's Discord time we got a bunch of questions in the Discord today we're going to head over into the Discord and answer some of these great questions Okay so yesterday we had a great yesterday we had a crazy Discord session we had Ash not Ash we had uh Mars pull up in the Discord Mars had a crazy question so if you didn't see Mars's question from yesterday it went down in Discord Hall of Fame so please go and look at that if you haven't from yesterday show okay so today we going to start off with Holly Holly says you answered my question recently but I have a follow-up question it was about only wanting the quality uh weekend uh evening dates that I like and not accepting being a midweek 5 to9 uh quick snuggle I am steadfast on that now I haven't heard from him in two weeks shocker uh I started using text to schedule uh only now which make which may look like a 180 and could seem like I'm no longer interested he did say communication is key but he thinks that's texting he obviously realized I'm not doing week nights so why pursue me anymore why bother he's just going to leave me uh to come to him now it feels like a battle of wills like who's willing to hold out for uh what they want uh more maybe uh excuses but he's a deck fencer fence Builder and I know this is going and makes all his money in the summer he's all uh consumed by work and building his business it's what he's most invested in respectful respectfully so his fun time is limited to the weekends uh after all that uh labor and seems to maximize it with fishing or being with his close friends he's not a club guy it's a small town I just don't think I'm important enough to him to want to give that uh up for the quality time I uh I told him I require which isn't as fun I guess and now I'm I forced him to choose so I lost he knows how legit busy I am during the week I think he I think you might say relied uh or I think he reeled me with a few quality weekend dates oh like reeled me in like reeled me reeled me in with a few quality dates uh to get me hooked and then uh intended to the shift to week uh nights because it's easier for him probably want some fun when it's F fits his schedule and maybe he's given up completely I know I should put this out of my mind completely and move on but I'm comforted by having a plan of action for if he comes back I feel strongly that he will reach out eventually I see he's mirroring me and giving me the silent treatment like a taste of my own medicine I see what's happening uh what should I do uh if he comes back I'm not budging or on getting what I want this is good Holly this is good you're doing good stay strong so very important Holly um for those of you guys who don't know Holly's full background situation uh The quick summary is essentially she was trying to this guy transitioned she kind of said it in the in the in the message but this guy was trying to transition into only seeing her very for a couple of hours during some week nights um kind of like you know like a Fly by Night type of thing and not actually committing himself to seeing her during the weekends where they could actually spend a whole day together and have you know longer kind of Hangouts and she was really she just didn't like that which she shouldn't because that kind of speaks to he just wants it to be very quick and convenient obviously if he's only seeing her for an hour and they're getting intimate you know by the time you get intimate you probably only have have 20 minutes 30 minutes of small talk and then he's gone again so that kind of implies kind of just you know he just wants that little fun but he even though he has time on the weekends he was trying to keep that time for his boys for the other stuff that he actually finds fun outside of just you know being sleeping with her you know what I mean and so for you Holly I think you're doing a very good thing in holding out I do agree at the end here this is kind of a battle of wills and uh he's kind of uh Mir you and giving you that silent treatment to see how you feel and see if it's going to break you um I think you started making excuses like you said right now you see your will is actually already breaking as you're making this excuse I can tell your will is breaking which is which is why you came up with this whole excuse of you know during the summer he's more busy he's building decks he's a fencer he's building the business uh you know so his fun times only on the weekends look at the end of the day he has time on the weekends to spend with you it's not like he's actually doing something that's required of him for this business that he literally can't spend any time with you he's choosing not to use the weekends because he would rather spend that time with his boys okay which is not a bad thing to want to spend time with your boys but the fact that he purposely won't schedule you in on the weekends so that that time can be dedicated to the things he actually finds enjoyable that's a sign right there because if he's thinking oh this is actual fun but being with you is not actual fun then what is he getting out of his relationship with you the question becomes because if he doesn't consider that the same level of fun as hanging out with his boys that he wouldn't want to give up his boys time to hang out with you then what is he actually getting from you because it's not fun clearly then you have to answer that question to yourself and that can be a painful thing to realize now what I will say is you always got to give guys time to cook because I know for you it might seem like an agonizing as every single day passes um but you have to understand uh if you break you're going to set the precedent that you're not really about what you say you're about and even let's say even if you build a whole relationship with this guy all that's going to happen is he's going to realize when you try to stand up for yourself all he has to do is give you a little bit of the silent treatment and pull himself back from you and you'll get anxious you'll break and you'll give into whatever it is that he wants so he's going to realize he doesn't have to compromise with you he just has to wait it out until you break that's a horrible sign so you have to you have to give it up that actually doing it like this where you don't talk to him is a win-win for you because you win if you he doesn't speak to you ever again and then you realize that he really actually wasn't interested enough in you to really actually do any sort of committing to you which that's a win for you because now you're not wasting your time on someone who wasn't actually ready to commit to you and then it's also a win if he comes crawling back and he says okay let's hang out on the weekends because now you've broken him and you've shown him when you say something and you say this is what you're about or this is your boundary or this is what you expect that is what you expect per period there is no oh but I I said weekends but now I'll make it week nights because you didn't text me for a long time and I really like you and I want to make this work no no no no no I said weekends it's going to be weekends or it's nothing your choice my life goes on either way and my life is great either way he will respect you once he comes back and he realizes that um if he comes back you understand what I'm saying so that's keep what doing what you're doing by doing nothing you will win either way okay so that is that was Hol now let's see who we have here what happened here that was weird next we have Ash I think Ash was in the chat hopefully Ash is still here cuz Ash said I want you to read mine okay Ash says titled big advice so Ash ask I'm talking to this guy we're both 22 years old uh we've been cool since middle school and high school after high school I haven't heard uh from him until we found each other's Instagram okay and he commented on my stories and said he's had a crush on me since middle school and asked for my number okay uh I'm starting to like our convos you're talking about your convos over Tex anyways uh and I us usually don't like to text yeah right uh I've asked when uh we will be able to see each other and go out on a date and he says he doesn't have a car and left his job to study to go to the military and take the exam I won't comment until we get through this uh his dad lets him drive the car but only for errands he also says he doesn't like going out like that but I'm hoping he at at least takes me out on a date cuz I don't want to just hang out at each other's house I'm trying to be more understanding cuz we're both young and barely have experience with dating as an adult but I don't want to keep texting uh LOL uh what should happen should I just fall back until he suggest taking me out okay great question Ash so uh my advice to you Ash is I I think you you understand what's going on here and you understand how this can actually turn bad you're smart you're intelligent I can I can see you here so this ongoing text I already I was laughing at the very beginning when you said that he messaged you on Instagram and commented on your stories to tell you that he has a crush on you because it screams to me this new age of men that they're only bold and have courage over the phone and if it's not over the phone they don't have that same courage or uh or and they're not as emboldened what I mean by that is the fact that he would message he's been knowing you since middle school and high school so the fact that he would message you that on Instagram uh to tell you that that's how he's been feeling uh kind of Screams to me that this is not someone this is a it's I wouldn't call it a microwave man but these this is one of those uh guys who aren't ready to actually do what it takes to lead a woman in a relationship they're kind of too shy to be with a girl and I hate to say it like that cuz there's nothing wrong with being an introvert but you can be so shy to the point where you can't be a man in a relationship if you're that shy you understand what I'm saying right like regardless of whether you're an introvert or not you have to be able to lead your woman you're the man so what I mean by that is there has to be a level of courage and um confidence you have that you can actually go and speak to like real women in real life have a real conversation with them and like be interesting like have people actually like you if you're too shy for that before we had phones The Men Who were too shy to talk to girls got nothing they got nothing they had to sit on the sidelines and watch all the guys with confidence that could chat and be funny and interesting get all of the girls meanwhile they sat in the corner like soy boys useless getting no Squirtle and so the choice was either learn how to have the confidence to talk to girls or be dry for the rest of your life that was the only option now that we have phones guys get to hide behind the screen that don't actually have that the confidence enough to be a man and take initiative and so maybe not necessarily because he doesn't want you but because he just isn't man enough to like actually take initiative he just can't do it and that's what it seems like in your situation because for him to say I he's had a crush on you since middle school and then the moment you talk about seeing each other in real life all of a sudden he's got all of these excuse oh uh you know no car oh uh I I just left my job I got to study for the military I got to take an exam what do you does he like you or not which one is it because these sound like it sounds like I asked you sound like you asked him to do a chore in the house and he's giving all these reasons why he can't do the simple chore he's the one that came out and said that he likes you he wants you oh I have a crush on you cool you have a crush on me you want to see me more you can do that by scheduling an appointment with me and we go out somewhere and meet each other in person oh but my car but my job military exam everything's in the way I thought you had a crush on me which one is it you see what I'm saying and this is why I say you this might be one of those guys that they just he's not man enough to take that initiative either way that's not going to work for you because you're looking for a man you're not looking for a soy boy or a a a feminine man that you have to pick up off the floor and be like look let's go out on this date here at this time or let's make it work like this I don't care if he has to study for his exam a date doesn't last 30 days okay a date lasts 2 3 hours you're telling me are you is he does he expect if this guy plays video games if this guy plays video games I don't want to hear no he doesn't have two hours out of his day that he could go out somewhere with you it also doesn't require him to spend exori of amounts of money it'd be different if he says okay let's go for a picnic cuz I I don't have too much money right now that's totally different than saying I can't even go out with you anywhere or do anything because I left my job okay there's other things you can do that don't require you to spend $100 thou $100 or $1,000 so the fact that he's not intentional enough or uh intelligent enough to actually like realize that but then also say I still want to see you so this is how I'll do it that either speaks to the fact that he really doesn't like you enough or he's just too much of a soy boy that he can't take the initiative to say okay even if I don't have a job I know I like you I know I want to be with you so even if I can't spend $100 on a date we can go for a nice pict pnic we'll get I'll get some fruit some vegetables and we can eat and we can have a chat it's not like you don't know him it's not like he's a stranger so those are all things he can use to take initiative that he just doesn't want to I don't want to hear this stuff about I got an exam I got to study for my job I got I don't got excuses excuses don't accept that so my advice to you take a step back don't even talk to him don't do this texting thing anymore don't do this texting thing anymore don't don't don't be respon the only time you respond to him is if he tells you yo I'm actually ready to take you out on a date or whatever okay so so if he asks if he asks you yo why aren't you texting me anymore you never text me you never talk to me tell him look I'm not going to be texting all the time I don't have time for that I have lots of stuff to do so if you want to continue texting it's just not my thing so and then leave it at that don't even tell him you could see me in person what just leave it at that I'm not a text her I'm not going to be on the phone I'm not going to be FaceTiming that's just not my thing and leave it at that and then if he can't deal with that if he can't come up oh I got a bright idea let's go out on a date if he doesn't do that leave him he's not not worth it okay uh Ash I hope you got your answer there uh next we have uh joha I think I missed Jo's question before so now joa resent her message so this is good I'll answer it here so joha asks is this a game for him joh says I'm 36 and he's 45 we met online and he wants to go on a seventh day okay uh I haven't been out of the country for a month um but he barely sorry I have been out of the country for a month but he barely text me not not necessarily a horrible thing he only texted me a few times uh since uh I've been in Colombia and he texted me yesterday that he is looking forward to our next date okay it's not a bad thing uh I think we're at an excuse me I think we're at an age where uh we should already know what we want okay uh I would like a committed relationship but I'm not sure where he stands okay uh how should I act next time I see him uh how do I bring up uh the topic of what he is looking for or what his intentions are with me without turning him off I want to be firm yet spontaneous he really did you mean to say RAR or or sorry no you me say he really confuses me and my friends uh have even mentioned to me me that he might be just looking for someone to have fun with since he does not call me or rarely text me between dates I don't uh want to get more invested as I really like him we have only kissed and no pineapples yet oh joha I we need to have a conversation joha because you are exactly who I'm talking to think about this this man has only kissed you has not gotten any pineapples from you and he's gone on seven dates with you with no sign of slowing down because he said that he is looking forward to your next date which means he's not concerned with the fact that he's had no pineapples with you he's not concerned with the fact that uh he just wants Squirtle from you and that's he's waiting out till the next time he can get Squirtle he actually enjoys going on these dates with you which is why he's been on seven going on the eighth date right and you're bent out of shape because he's not texting you joha you your your priorities are mismatched here he is doing exactly what he should be doing he is intentional he is anticipating seeing you he wants to see you and he's not expecting that because he goes on some dates with you that he deserves pineapples he doesn't even care about that that doesn't even affect his ability to enjoy his time with you you're actually in a very good situation and the thing that you're bent out of shape about is the thing that I'm actually telling you guys you should be avoiding okay because you want to avoid the man who will only text you 24/7 and not go out on dat do you realize joho I hope you're in this chat or at least watching this back and you've been part of this uh group of us this club for a while because I hope you realize from seeing all the other messages of all the other women which is why Discord is so amazing cuz you get to see how other people are living their life I hope you realize majority of all the other women who have Discord questions they have the opposite issue of you they have a guy who will text them 24/7 and won't be you know mad enough to go out on a single date literally our last question from Ash she's trying to figure out how to get this guy to actually want to go out and take her out on a date meanwhile you've been on seven going out on eight and you're complaining about the fact that he only put down the phone guys put down the phone guys that attachment and addiction you get to that phone it is a facade and you're ruining and sabotaging your relationships because of it think about this joha you have a man who is being intentional about seeing you in real life and all you can think about is how little he texts you as if that is meant to represent your actual real relationship my advice to you joha is to get this thought out of your mind that texting it has any representation of this relationship and your friends might be misinformed on how important in texting is if they're telling you that this is weird or a bad sign that he doesn't text you a lot while you've been on you're you don't need to question his intentions he's been on seven dates with you and he's excited for the eighth one and you've given him nothing that tells you what his intentions are sit back relax you don't even need to ask him any questions he's given you the answer with his actions which is the best type of answer he doesn't need to text you about how much he wants to date you or how much you know he's ready to make you his wife or anything like that he's actually showing you that by being consistent with you and giving you actions instead of words or text on a screen because text on a screen means nothing actions is actually what holds weight as to his real intention okay so joha get this at and I hope you're not just hearing from me if you're rewatching this watch the chat as well because I can see them saying joha you got it perfect wish they wish they could be in your position where a guy is this consistent without getting anything in return especially at the age that you're at now right this only speaks to the fact that looking for someone fun get that out of your mind okay the fact that he would do this just because he texted you that doesn't mean all of a sudden now he want get rid of all of that and I want you to stop listening to people that are going to tell you that the fact that he doesn't text you mean he's uninterested in you the fact that he took you on seven dates and he's looking forward to the eighth despite the fact that you're out of the country and you go back and forth and he might not see you be able to see you all the time that speaks to what his intention is don't listen to anything else and don't don't be uh out bent out of shape about text text means nothing that should never be the focus of um of your mind never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever keep allowing him to do what he's been doing and keep allowing him to be intentional don't even bring it up don't even bring up the texting because you're not trying to encourage him to be a better texter you're not because the moment you try to encourage him to be a better texter and I'll get off this in a second the moment you try to encourage him to be be a better textor all you're going to do is kill his hunger and desire to see you more in person cuz right now he has a lot of hunger and desire to see you in person more and actually trying to subdue that by getting him to text you more doesn't make any sense doesn't make any sense so joha don't worry about that texting this that's a real thing he's actually interested in you CPK uh 267 uh she's uh her title is my ex so cpks uh my ex reached out to me cuz he always feels uh when I'm moving on uh but always blames me for all our relationship issues some history he was talking to another woman at the beginning of our relationship and didn't tell me okay that's not good uh at the time I was having my ex dog sit my I was having my ex dog sit my dog so I could work 16 hours to pay off debt um it was just that having sorry I play it was just that and I was honest about it yes I should not have done it oh so this is why you guys were together um but I did pay off 80k I eventually forgave him damn 80k is crazy I eventually forgave him but I do uh have trust issues oh wait he was doing that oh wait what he was talking to another woman at the beginning at the time oh sorry you so you eventually Rave him for talking to another I eventually gave him but I do have trust issues cuz he's not always been honest have you uh I've left him a few times that uh the most recent time being after I moved in with him I am impatient and because he didn't uh find a therapist I left a few months ago he made uh these grand gestures to get me back I felt it was manipulative he told me he's moving here in a few months for me this guy doesn't support me emotionally uh the ways I need why would why would he move here wish he did some inner work so he could excuse me he could meet uh so he could meet new how I oh meet me how I need I I did I think you might see I did a lot of healing or I guess you might say I do a lot of healing I know I don't uh deal with things the best way but I'm working on it there is love between us conflict is supposed to uh bring people closer if it's meant to be he is now being vulnerable and honest with me and I'm open to working on things versus just leaving do you think it's possible for two people to come back together in a healthy way after we had a tumultuous ride um so to answer your question CPK I do think it's possible for two people to come back together and for from what you described to me uh it seemed like this was a beginning of the relationship thing and if you truly forgave him um then that's your choice to forgive him and um I'm going to go ahead and assume you meant like the beginning before you were actually dating he was talking to another girl so it's not like you know he had another girlfriend while he was dating you type of thing in which case that's your choice if you want to forgive him for that I'm not going to tell you whether it's right or wrong in that scenario clearly as you admitted and I'm glad you admitted it you also did some things without letting him know that was a little bit dishonest or you know right and so it's good to acknowledge that because none of us are perfect and that means that both of you have done things that you need to work on and you regret and it was a mistake if you guys can both I will I will say this okay I know everyone will tell you just be quick to cut people off and forgive them and anything like that but I do want you to understand part of being in a relationship is conflict resolution and you can only resolve conflict if both parties are willing to be accountable towards their actions and words and willing to put the work into find a compromise and move forward so as it relates to uh him uh it doesn't necessarily have to be going to therapy but there can also be other ways of you guys coming to an understanding uh and resolving the conflict you're having and figuring out what strategies you can Implement into your relationship now that will stop whatever happened at the beginning that was the issue from happening again do you understand what I'm saying but that starts with the accountability that both of you have to have towards each other and just in general that will be the only way you can possibly take steps forward to towards resolving conflict and I will say that if you feel that he's being accountable towards his actions and words and he's actually open to coming up with Solutions with you to resolving conflict and building this relationship to where it should be then I think that's worth exploring and being open to I wouldn't advise you to just cut people off when they're trying to be accountable to their actions and fix their mistakes and work on growing and getting better now if he doesn't think he did anything wrong or he thinks that you know like oh it wasn't that you know I was just talking to another girl but you should have known and I told you right if he's just kind of denying it instead of being accountable to it that's a totally different story then I would advise you that you might as well just cut it off because you can't build off of that but you can work with someone who will be accountable to their mistakes and actively try to work with you to fix them and then vice versa you understand what I'm saying I know that we talk about men a lot and the things that they don't do and the things that they do wrong but I never want you guys to to leave here with the impression that I think anything small someone does wrong that's at the first sign you should you should cut them off completely and never speak to them because that is is not living in a realistic realm because people are human beings and they make mistakes just like you do but being accountable is even more valuable than than uh is more valuable than anything because when they're accountable and they can compromise and work with you yeah they'll make mistakes but that doesn't mean they always make the same mistake okay so that's my advice to you CPK uh next we have XX interesting is this going to get intimate uh how to play cards so XX says I went on a work trip last week alone because I was the only one from my area that qualified a mutual uh recommended a young man to meet me on a work trip a mutual recommended a young man to meet me turns out we had a shared birth week birth year and many other coincidental biological similarities uh we spent the trip being each other's travel Partners so is this like a work like is this someone that works in the same company as you I'm a bit confused uh so we spent the week being each other's travel Partners uh practically spending uh each bus train plane ride with each other we hardly slept throughout uh the commute of the tour we were the last uh ones up busy laughing with non-stop talking now this thing now the thing is this guy is doing longdistance relationships okay uh however at some point uh of our conversation he did or he did think you meant to say say he isn't happy with the long-distance relationship oh this is where this is going and revealed that he previously broke uh he had previously broken up in the past relationships due to long distance okay uh he did pay attention to uh take good care of me throughout the trip holding the umbrella for me while it rained keeping count of my belongings and Luggage taking note of items I said I would uh want to get an arranging so that uh we would have time to uh get them for context I later revealed to him I had recently broken up okay to which he asked uh if it had been a few months it hadn't been a month yet not good uh he also shared a lot of personal history and sharing about himself in general without me asking throughout the trip in gratitude I wrote a short postcard of appreciation for all the tender uh and respectful care shared towards me throughout the trip the content of the letter itself is platonic however the gesture alone is to tease at the potential for more I have a crush on him but I don't know what to think or do uh in this situation does he like me is it a red flag uh he's in a threeyear relationship plus 3 months long distance he doesn't have his girlfriend posted anywhere on social media the trip attendees missed till him for single or that he was my [Music] boyfriend how should I get him to play this right so this guy pursue me huh okay XX I think that in the position you're in I understand that you had a great time with him okay and I understand you enjoyed your time with him and I understand you want to see more of him it's inappropriate to try and build I understand you said the the card you sent him was was platonic but it is in you know that you have feelings for him if you feel like he is also showing you that he has feelings for you you need to be the one to set the boundary and say look I am worth someone's full time and attention so the only version of me that you're actually going to get it's great that we had this work trip just because we were both going on the same work trip the only time of me that you're actually going to get is if you can actually commit to just being with me so if he's going to go on this long tangent about how he isn't happy with his long-distance relationship and tell you all the issues he's having and how he's broken up with someone in the past and a long- distance relationship and how amazing you are and how much he would love to be with you I know you didn't say that in the message but you know I'm just implying right because of how much he's doing for you cool then end your relationship simple as that because XX you're in the same situation that I a lot of the women I help that are trying to deal with married men are in you know the married men love to tell you how much they're just about to end their marriage or get a divorce uh it just going to take them a little bit or they just have to prep this or just have to do this one thing and they love to tell you that because they know that that hope will keep you around long enough for them to continue utilizing you and getting from you what they want without actually having to end their current relationship in that case it would be a marriage but in this case it's a relationship this girl he's been dating for 3 years and then 3 months has been long distance if he realizes that this is not working out for him because clearly he was able to go into details about how much this is not working out for him then that logic that if you're if we're following the logic train that should be a very easy decision I end the relationship now if the relationship isn't bad enough that he needs to end it or anything like that no need to go on a long tangent about how you're unhappy but if you're going to tell me about how unhappy you are then act on the fact that you're so unhappy that you want to end the relationship he's sitting here telling you this sad story about how unhappy he is without taking any action towards his logic which should tell you one of these things isn't like the other okay either he's lying to you and trying to give you hope with no actual intention of ending the relationship okay or he is doesn't he's not even actually that unhappy in the first place okay either way if he truly felt how he said he felt he would act on it and end the relationship instead of telling you about how unhappy he is in the long-distance relationship he'd be telling his girlfriend that and they would be ending the relationship so the longer that you spend uh sitting around uh you know trying to figure out how you can get him to pursue you while he's in actively another relationship you're only going to end up wasting a whole bunch of your own time why cuz as you invest more and more with him you'll probably end up sleeping with him because you like him and you'll emotionally and physically invest in him meanwhile he'll still have his other relationship at which time when his girlfriend needs him right or he has to go back to spending time with his girlfriend or he neglects you because he has to be with his girlfriend you're going to start asking questions like why don't you uh pay attention to me why don't you care about me why don't you treat me how I deserve to be treated why don't you pursue me how I deserve to be pursued or why don't you respect me how I deserve to be respected and you're going to come back here into the Discord and ask me why this guy isn't treating you right when he has a whole other girlfriend that he's supposed to be treating right not you but you put yourself in the situation and then you're wondering why you're getting mistreated so XX my advice to you would be to leave him Al alone until he can make a decision on ending that relationship if it's truly that sad it and and and he's truly that unhappy shouldn't be hard to end it shouldn't be that hard and if he's truly that interested in you it should be a Nob brainer okay other than that there is no reason you should be entertaining this and you should should not allow him to string you along with the idea that it's just about to come in a couple of days or a couple of weeks that he just needs to do a couple of things before he ends cool so when he does a couple of things and ends the relationship then he can actually see you and speak to you K XX next we have M lady okay uh me lady asks she says I'm 21 female I've known him uh he's a 21 male uh for about 5 months romantically talking for 3 weeks three dates uh in total and we made out on the second date after the second date he told me he wanted something serious and that we should abstain from even cuddling for at least 3 months sorry am I reading this right okay it's for three months sorry I just thought maybe I was missing something Ain from cing for at least 3 months to which I agreed it's been Wonder wonderful and I'm experimenting with uh I'm experimenting with creating anxiety okay and noticing that pulling back definitely works uh he knows I like him and that I'm interested but if I don't respond I'll get four to five texts checking up on me good good uh it's nice uh I haven't uh I have I think you meant say oh I have given in and eased his anxiety a couple of times uh but always go back to pulling back this most recent time though told him I don't like texting him in particular because I want to build a genuine human connection with him and I can't ask deep questions over text we live relatively close so very simple but he's on vacation in Korea right now so we can only communicate over the phone he doesn't get back until another week but still no date plans he has specifically said uh his anxiety goes up when I don't text him but that he values small text conversations not small talk should I have uh shown my hand uh should I have my hand/ show it in the future uh should I wait for him to schedule a call or date and and step further back you are the goat for real your advice has gotten me the results I want try it ladies okay so thank you for the great question me lady sounds funny every time I say it um you're doing the right thing cutting out this text stuff and giving him anxiety because you're cutting out this text stuff right he sends you four to five text teing up on you that's good you you got him where you want him keep him there this trip to Korea will be a great way for him to experience all the anxiety he feels when he doesn't see you or hear from you for a week and the fact that he's so used to living close to you and he knows he's far away from you now that he can't get you over text he's going to be saying please can we call please can we Face time please I just need to hear from you something give me something right give him a lot of pain when he's in Korea okay don't text him at all make him actually think to himself what is she doing is she interested in me does she want me did she forget about me give him a lot of anxiety cuz he will come back he's only going to be there for a week he will come back and when he comes back he'll have even more appreciation for you after spending a week away from you not talking to you I promise you he will not forget of your existence if he goes to Korea for a week and doesn't get a text from you and the fact that he values small text that's cool right that's great that he values small text you're not trying to uh give him what he values you're trying to give him what elicits the Chase and pursuit response that you want from him okay this is part of the things where I where I try to tell you guys I'm going to give you the information of how guys actually respond to things in the way that you want them to respond but you have to understand guys are going to tell you that they don't respond to certain things or they're going to tell you please do it like this when in reality they respond best to the opposite so this is one of those scenarios he's going to tell you that the small texts uh he enjoys them and he values them what he actually means is those small texts alleviate his anxiety that he feels and the worry that he feels that you know maybe she doesn't like me maybe she's not interested in me maybe she doesn't want me however you are trying to elicit a response of pursuit and Chase and him to want you and him to really need you and really want to be with you right so you don't want to ease his anxiety you actually want to increase it especially when he's far away from you that way all he'll be able to think about is I never want to be far away from her I never want to be in no contact with her I never want to be in a position where I don't have access to her and so because of that what will Happ is he'll continue to pursue you even more heavily because he knows how much anxiety he feels when he doesn't have access to you which is good then you get more of what you want okay this is the Players Club this is not about giving him what he values this is about getting what you want and eliciting the response that you want you don't need his anxiety to be eased because then he's not going to be thinking of you and he's not going to be in Hot Pursuit of you you want him to have anxiety that he can continue to be on the chase relentlessly like an animal turn him into an animal a bloodthirsty animal for Squirtle and for you okay and sit back and do nothing okay so leave him with the anxiety don't feel pressure to ease his ease his anxiety because you like him I know you like him so I know it affects you when he says that it gives him anxiety to not text you and how much it would ease his anxiety to text you don't give give him don't ease his anxiety doesn't matter what he feels what he wants what will make him feel better keep his anxiety up it's not going to it's not going to he's not going to pass away because you don't text him or call him right he'll be fine he'll come back after a week and he'll see you and trust me if you don't talk to him too much throughout this week he's going to come back bloodthirsty to see you that's all he'll be able to he'll be like yo soon as I let as soon as I land on that as soon as my wheels touch the ground we going somewhere I'm going to see you ain't no he going to I don't want to hear no no back to whatever you got going on clear it I'm going to see you that day right he's going to be bloodthirsty that's where you want him to be not oh okay so I talked to you every day while I was in Korea yeah by the way you know I got some stuff to do I got work and stuff when I come back so maybe I'll see you in a couple no no no no you want him bloodthirsty okay keep him hungry this is a great time for him to experience that hunger and anxiety so keep him there all right uh we'll do one more okay we'll do we'll do one more just uh because it's Friday we'll do one more this is Mars by the way Mars was from yesterday okay I guess yeah this is Mars This is Mars followup so we'll do Mars follow-up since Mars was yesterday uh so uh news flash correct so for those of you who were able to see yesterday's live uh this is like this is like it's like episodic content this is crazy okay so on today's episode for Mars uh she says Hey Thompson I wasn't active on yesterday's live cuz it was around the same time as my therapy session um wow uh but I did get uh to watch it later this morning just wanted to make some corrections on my situation that you went over I forgot to put in there that he got a job a month after so you guys kind of have to know what happened to understand what she's talking about so very important you tune in every day he got a job a month after he quit the job uh that he didn't like okay and still has uh a job now but we still do split rent I had mentioned uh that we moved to another city I met State uh and due to me still serving as a part-time Soldier I couldn't move I couldn't move but now I'm but I'm out now for good I also want to say I really appreciate the feedbacks from everyone in the live regardless of if it's negative or positive I know that some have internal work to do and I've realized that from both watching you and going to therapy I can't change anything from my past cuz the damage has already been done but all I can do is forgive myself learn from those decisions and make better decisions moving forward I 100% agree Mars and I think your approach is is is good and I think you have good intentions here I think like I said yesterday the number one thing you need to be focusing on in terms of uh you know where your energy needs to be spent most you already know all the different reasons why that relationship is not working out and why that guy is not for you but in terms of uh you said you guys both still live together and you split the rent your this that's your main issue right now and where your energy needs to be served you need to figure out how to break yourself off from him that when you do finally move and uh um uh like when you do finally get away from him sorry that this is for good and forever and there's nothing tying you to him that he can reel you back in with so even if it's like your name on the on the rent or you know your name on a car note or something like that where it's like if he doesn't pay it then he can start getting you to come back into his life because you know your credit's going to go down again or anything that with shared bank accounts anything that would tie you back to him and make it harder for you to uh just walk out the door and never speak to him again that's where all your energy needs to go I know you're doing therapy and working on yourself and stuff like that that's good but that's where all your energy needs to go right now because the only way for you to truly grow and from this situation is to cut him out of your life completely and the only way to actually have him out of your life is to cut all your ties and connections with him that includes any shared spaces shared accounts bank accounts shared Netflix accounts shared anything accounts shared cards credit cards gift cards uh a phone plans phone bills whatever right cut all of that right and create a plan of action that's going to allow you to actually get away right I really mean get away um as painless as possible obviously he's a leech so he's going to be resistant to his life Source going away um so just keep that in mind he's going to try every trick in the book to keep you around once he realizes he his a source of life that he's been leeching off of will be gone okay that's going to be a v parasites and leeches will literally fight to the uh death to get back the person they've been trying to uh they've been leeching off of so just keep that in mind okay so uh that was Mars if you haven't read Mars story from yesterday go back in yesterday's live and uh go to the end and you'll see Mar story uh there Mar story is in uh infiny and Hall of in in the Hall of Fame all right so uh for those of you who didn't get your question answer today don't worry I will answer your question on on Monday when we come back for the show um and if you have a question for me and you want to ask it please uh if you're on Tik Tok you go to my Tik Tok bio you ask your question in the Discord if you're on YouTube you just can click it right there it's the link there or it's down below in the description okay so uh if you want to follow me on Instagram and you and sorry you uh you just want to see everything I'm doing all day every day what I do on the weekends when I'm not doing the show you can go follow me on Instagram and you can see everything I post see what I'm about see what my life has been since before we just sat here and had a conversation there's lots of interesting stuff on my Instagram um if you want to catch this show in its entirety maybe you missed part of it or you missed part of yesterday's show or past shows you just head over to my YouTube where you can type in my name it's right above my head on Tik Tok and you guys are already on YouTube so you know um but you can go and find that there and see everything uh that uh all the wonderful amazingness of this show in the past alongside the Tik Tok chat and the YouTube chat so you have all the context of everything we discuss you are not going to be missing out on anything if you rewatch it um um after the fact okay so I am here every weekday Monday to Friday at 4 p.m. eastern time so I will be back today's obviously Friday so I will be back with you on Monday where we will have another great conversation about love life and relationships I love spending this time with you guys I think we had a record amount of people in the YouTube chat today too so super great having you guys here with me spending time with you guys I love you so much I think about you all the time I try to make this show as best as I possibly can for you and I will continue to do that okay so until Monday I will see you later and you can also catch me on YouTube where I'll be posting throughout the weekend as well okay I love you so much I'll catch you guys later later