highly socialable people do things differently they act differently talk differently go to parties differently make plans differently and I know because I've been both I've had a 4-year transformation being the very shy insecure girl who would go into every room feeling like no one ever wanted to talk to me to the highly confident person content creator student Doctor Who literally strikes up conversation with strangers every single day I used to ask myself things like why does no one ever want to talk to me why do people ignore me in group situations why do people never ask about me when I ask about them 4 years ago I lived in a social anxi bubble scared to step out and be my true self now I feel like I'm my true self like all the time like no one can stop me along the way I've learned a few things that highly socialable and confident people do differently and I'm going to share every single one of them in this video hey if you're new I'm chistin and I make videos of people who are feeling lonely if you're a people pleaser overachiever overthinker over anything or you're in the right place when it comes to becoming a highly sociable confident person if you want to make friends counterintuitive but bear with me stop saying yes and start saying no yes exudes insecurity when it comes to social situations and no exude confidence in social situations social situations that's such a tongue toer stop saying yes and start saying no when it comes to meeting up with someone who you don't really want to but you feel obliged to it applies to helping someone who only ever reaches out whenever they want to take from you they never actually help you yourself and it applies to like that relative that whenever you meet up you always feel like you have to agree to keep the peace and just make face I'm sorry but screw the piece it is not worth being a shell of a person if you can't speak up stop saying yes and start saying no is so powerful because chances are you think to make more friends be more sociable you need to meet more people that is a Lie the number one thing you need in terms of to be more sociable and to make more friends isn't meeting more people it's confidence you can be an insecure person and meet 20 new people in 20 days or you can be a confident person and meet five people in 5 days trust me as someone who's been both of those people you can be the confident person and make more meaningful connections with five people because you're just so much more willing to go there to say things to to be counterintuitive and stop saying yes and start saying no you're more confident in the situation you're more confident being yourself saying things and opening up being vulnerable sharing a funny story saying something that is controversial you're not sure if they'll agree with you saying a joke that could be offensive it could be stepping it too far but you're just confident versus the insecure person who is probably GNA first of all they're going to be scared to say hi they're going to be scared to say hi they might meet a new person and all they want to do is they're literally praying in their mind crossing their fingers that the other person is going to say hi first then when it comes to talking they're going to be scared to even go deep in the conversation they're not going to know where to start oh you know I'm shy at first but once you get to know me then I'm then I'm amazing then I'm crazy then I like I literally want to shut up but how do we get there first they're scared to they're scared to go deep they'll keep at surface level I've started it off with this because it's the most it's one of the most powerful ones you have to start saying no it's counterintuitive because you think if I say yes to people people yes I'll go out even though I don't want to even though I'm exhausted yes I'll help you with your project even though you never help me with anything yes I'll just keep nodding and N I'll just say yes to everything that is not the sort of person that a lot of people want to be friends with it's harsh but it's true and sometimes the harsh truth is what you want to hear if you really want to make a massive transformation so that's rule number one of being a highly socialable person rule number two is ask people about themselves no one is more annoying than a person in a conversation that's it's only ever talking about themselves they're just yapping on and on and on talking about themselves talking about their family what they're having for lunch what they're doing in the afternoon in their evening plans what they're going on holiday like you haven't asked about me like once I might be preaching to the converted because I'm sure if you clicked on this video You're the sort of person that does ask people about themselves but don't take it too far I had this massive problem in the past where I'd ask people about themselves constantly keep asking them questions I've got so many things to say to them and ask them but I would never open up and talk about me and that is a problem you can take this too far on the extreme end you cannot ask people about themselves enough or you can ask people about themselves too much you definitely want to have a yesterday is the perfect example of this so I'm a student doctor I'm a medical student I was on the ward yesterday with a nurse I was shadowing her and she was talking to me about a family in-law problem essentially someone in the family has sadly passed away she actually didn't know this person so it's a bit like she's she's a bit removed from the situation and she was telling me all the family drama and gossip about how who's in the will who's not in the will the person in the will is taking all the money and they like it just it was so chaotic and problematic it was such a personal problem like Lally someone's passed away and they're literally talking about the will but because I was so like willing to listen to her and I was asking about her she was telling me all this information and she was asking me about my degree and how I'm doing and how I'm graduating soon and how I'm feeling about it and I'm telling her about my mom and how I'm read close to my mom and just just so much stuff it was such a back and forth and I feel like the perfect conversation is when you have a balce between person to person you're asking each other equally about each other and no one's gatekeeping information about themselves the other person isn't like word vomiting and just only ever talking about them tell people what you're going through I have this very very deep and genuine connection with one of my friends it's actually weird like we are so weirdly honest with each other we bonded 2 years ago we were both very lonely at my University where you're a medical student on placement you can be placed miles away we were placed in this very small town with a few other people we were kind of like a tight-knit group all like isolated from the city center where we all were before and because a lot of us had left our friends behind left our like Flats behind our apartment behind like we felt like just so lonely and isolated but none of us would really open up about it me and this person in particular met up one day I think we went for like a coffee or something and literally one of the first things that we both said was just how lonely we felt we both opened up and wandered on the fact that we were going through like such a tough time we didn't have any of our friends close by us we felt like we were just so lonely we didn't really enjoy what we were learning about as well it was one of those rare moments where you open up to someone and you just are so lucky that they feel the exact same way and I could have done what insecure Christina would have done I could have just like been like oh yeah I'm fine like I'd put a mask up i' put a I put my walls up I'd lie and be like yeah I'm okay I'm fine I just keep it all very like neutral and not say anything about how I feel but me and this person were so lucky in the sense that we both felt exactly the same like we both opened up we both were vulnerable we both stepped out of our comfort zone and said like I feeling lonely I do feel a bit lost I do feel like I don't want to be here I don't want to be miles away from my friends and like just in the middle of nowhere in this placement in this weird dingy Hospital like we both opened up and we both felt the same and what's crazy about this friendship is I don't even see this person that often I probably see them like once every like 2 months yet our bond is so deep and like if I met up with this person tomorrow I know we would both be like so equally connected and like we would both like resonate with each other we'd both like pick up where we left off because our connection is just so deep if you want to go from being the insecure person that has lots of surface level friendship and acquaintances to the person who has maybe a good few friends and just people just like know you and they get you and no matter if you see this person once a year once every two months you just are connected and you guys will pick up where you left off you have to start opening up and telling people what you're going through I know it's scary cuz I've been there I been that person that's scared to talk about how I feel I've been the person that's scared to talk about my mental health but if you want those deep friendships and those deep connections you just have to go there maybe you'll be lucky and they feel the same way maybe you'll be unlucky and they don't feel the same way all that matters is just that you opened up you are not trying to get a certain response you are not doing it so that they agree with you or they feel the same way that's not the way to go about it your goal is only just to open up start connecting with people online some of the moments where I felt most seen and understood and I've literally had tears in my eyes as I'm sending like DM messages with someone have been with someone that's thousands of miles away don't limit your social interactions with people that you just see daytoday or people in person there is so much connection to be had online I do this thing currently which I highly recommend to you guys where currently on LinkedIn I know LinkedIn isn't everyone's favorite but i' I've tried to curate my LinkedIn Fe to it's actually like really helpful and inspiring and not like for of people bragging about their their jobs I will reach out or comment or DM someone who I just find like they shared a post where I really resonate with their experience a lot of my LinkedIn now is people sharing their failures I think because the more you engage with something the more it shows you more my LinkedIn feed now is very like relatable very inspiring very like people who are just sharing experiences and what I started doing is I'll just send a DM to someone being like hi I saw your post I I really resonated with what you said I feel like no one ever talks about this like I'm so glad I've seen your profile and I do not expect anything I'm not I'm not trying to get anything from it like my goal is just to send the DM and just spread like spread a little bit of positivity to say that like this post that you've shared oh my God thank you for sharing it and I have been blown away by the amount of times that someone like the person has replied saying like like oh my God like I literally had a really long in-depth conversation with someone the other day where they were sending like paragraphs and paragraphs about their experiences and we were just going back and forth I was literally sending voice notes to a woman that I followed for months I I've loved her content for months I sent a DM I did not expect anything from it five stop taking things personally no I'm not free sorry I can't hang out tonight sorry sorry I promised my sister I'd pick her up from work I can't do like next week sorry uh no I can't do Saturday I can probably do another time though if you're the sort of person that messages someone to hang out or spend time together and they say no and you take it personally we have a lot of work to do insecure people think that the world revolves around them and as someone who's previously insecure I know you might be thinking like like no I don't like no I don't think the world revolves around me like no no no it doesn't if someone says no they're busy they've got some sort of reason and you you like you're now thinking oh they don't actually like me like they're just saying that like no they don't want to hang out with me I I knew they didn't like me I knew I knew that they wanted an excuse you're thinking about yourself so much you don't even realize it but you're actually being a bit like self-absorbed you think that everything revolves around you like they have a whole entire schedule whole entire personal life Hobbies work life University outside of you there's a time in a place for where maybe where someone's making excuses constantly every time you message them maybe that person genuinely doesn't actually want to spend time with you but don't overthink it just go with your gut do not spend days and days and days and weeks like going back and forth between does this person like me does this person not if you have a gut feeling trust that and honestly just move on do not prolong like a week friendship that's being strung along and just like being prolonged for no reason like don't waste your own time cut people off when you get a bad gut feeling but on the other hand if you're taking things personally and thinking that people saying no is about you everything that they're saying means something about you that is a problem and you'll understand what I mean if you're a really busy person sometimes I think when you're insecure maybe you just need to get a hobby and you need you need to actually like have a bit of a busy calendar have a busy schedule have things you're doing after work after University after classes when someone then says no you'll understand like oh yeah like you're busy like totally get it I I'm like super busy too like I you you don't take it personally sometimes I think if you are taking it personally as well someone says no and you're actually like a little bit offended and a little bit upset you might be looking for validation a little bit sometimes if someone says yes to you yes I want to hang out and you you get like excited and happy that like they want to hang out with me like I'm valuable now I am finally someone people want to be friends with I'm a good person now if you're taking it personally to mean something about you it just might be a sign that you are looking for validation and that's not a bad thing I spoke about this more in my video where it's all about you're not looking for friends you're looking for validation I'm going to link it up here if you want to watch that one it's such a common thing when you're insecure like you you don't actually want the friend you kind of just want the validation that like people like you now people want to be friends with you and those are different things but back to my main point stop taking no personally them saying no doesn't mean anything about you if you apply my rule number one which is stop saying yes start saying no when you start saying no you're okay with other people saying no if other people say no to you and it's a problem it's just a sign that maybe you lack boundaries a little bit again totally okay I've been there like trust me I know what it's like you probably need to work on more saying no to other people stop saying yes and start saying no get a hobby or get a side hustle if someone has interesting or just like really cool things that they do in their spare time who doesn't want to be friends with them you have to ask yourself like if you're the sort of person that jokes like oh yeah all I do all I do is scroll on Tik Tok like ha like I have no I have no social life like ask yourself like ask yourself genuinely like would you want to be friends with your yourself and like there's no shame there's no shame like would would you want to be friends with someone that like only ever Scrolls on Instagram reals we all do it from time to time but like if you have no other hobby or passion like you have to ask yourself would you want to be friends with you the biggest mistake when it comes to Hobbies or getting a side hustle that people make I think is just spending so much time focusing on like is this the right one is this the correct one will this one make me money is this the best thing to do people spend way more time thinking about the side hustle than actually like doing it and getting started there was a relationship expert that said like a really cool like she had a really cool way of describing this she's called Dr Karen gurnie she said that people in relationships but I think it applies to side hosters as well have a rare and crucial attitude to relationships they think it's a rare opportunity to get into relationship it's crucial they need to make sure this is the right partner they'll they'll spent like ages digging and like being an FBI agent finding out everything about them and it's crucial rather than a trivial and often approach like I meet people all the time it doesn't matter if this guy is the one like we'll just see where it goes like it's way more important in a lot of things to have like a trivial and often approach rather than a rare and crucial approach with your side hustle don't spend too much time worrying about if it's the right one if this hobby will make me seem cool and seem interesting like it's trivial it's not that important it doesn't matter like just do what feels good for you and the last habit of Highly sociable people is follow up so imagine this I just started University insecure girl I was 18 19 I was super shy literally going into a room would like make me super anxious I'd have to hike myself up and there were moments where I'd wait for like a group to come in and I'd like just follow along with behind the group because I was too scared to enter a room like on my own so somehow somewhere I don't know how it happened I clicked with like two girls we met up I think we bonded over our music and it just so happened that one of them worked at an R&B club so I was like oh my God like let's go to like an R&B club let's have a night out we had a night out we went out I think we had a good time it was it was it was cool it was fun I I can't remember cuz it was so many years ago but I think we kind of like we had a good time it was fine and I didn't I didn't follow up I didn't message them they didn't message me I didn't hear back from them and then nothing happened like literally nothing happened it was so weird that we actually had like quite a long night together we got ready did our herir and makeup we were out like I was in her dorm room I was bonding with her other friend it was the three of us we all got along we were talking about heels like you should wear that dress you like you know what I mean like we I spent a solid 6 hours with these girls and we bonded over like our love of Music we had a good night out but I never met up with them again and it's all because I didn't follow up they didn't follow up also so I can't blame it all on myself there's an element of like it it goes two ways don't leave things up to chance if you click with someone and you have a good time don't leave it up to chance that like I'll message them or something will happen like I'm sure I'm just going to I'm just going to leave it like if you really want to see them again you have to follow up a friendship is only as good as your ability to follow up if you don't follow up you can't make friends following up can look like a simple text like oh hey like I had a really good time I'd love to meet up again like are you free Saturday following up can look like just replying to their story nothing too nothing too intense don't overthink it it's trivial it's often just send a message following up can be like when you when you see them again in real life like saying hi and I don't mean like hi from a distance like like you're on the other end of the lecture theater and you're saying hi like go up to them make the effort cuz effort goes a long way and just say hi face to face cuz if there's one lesson I've learned from University like don't leave things up to chance your friendship is going to depend on the fact that you follow up even when it comes to like being an actual adult and having like a real life job it's harder to maintain friendships because you're not seeing you're not seeing friends all the time at University or in classes you have to be so active at the process of following up something that I've learned being like a really insecure person navigating friendships and kind of evolving and becoming more extroverted and more outgoing is that you you think that making friends will fix your loneliness in the way that you feel but it really won't I made a video talking about this in a lot more depth and I think if you enjoyed this video you'll really enjoy that one but I hope you enjoyed thank you so much for watching this video and I'll see you in the next one