Chapter 4-2 Family Systems

Family Systems and Adverse Childhood Experiences

Overview

• Discussing family systems with adverse childhood experiences.
• Family systems model includes three strong rules: No Talk, No Trust, No Feel.
• Differentiate between dysfunctional and functional family systems.

Functional vs. Problematic Family Systems

• Functional Systems:
  • Focus on development and enhancement of self and others.
  • Nurturing supportive systems providing basic communication skills.
  • Skills lay the foundation for self-connection and connection with others.
• Problematic Systems:
  • Costs to self and others due to lack of skills to address issues.
  • Presence of love despite the existence of troubling issues.
  • Generational patterns (addiction, violence) can persist if not addressed.

Communication Skills in Family Systems

• Importance of learning to connect with oneself.
• Exercise: Identify internal feelings and express them.
• Problematic family structures avoid talking about issues and feelings.
• Lack of skills to address feelings and issues perpetuates the cycle.

Examples of No-Talk Rule

• Example 1:
  • Friend never drives due to a traumatic childhood event.
  • After accidentally injuring his mother, his family never discussed the incident.
  • Resulted in lifelong avoidance behavior (not driving).
• Example 2:
  • Claudia Black’s story of a lumberjack intruding their home.
  • Family ignored the event, and her relationship with her boyfriend ended due to this no-talk rule.

"Don't Feel" and "No Trust" in Family Systems

• Don't Feel Rule:
  • Blocking uncomfortable emotions like anger, sadness, grief.
  • Lack of guidance in processing these emotions leads to emotional blocking.
• No Trust Rule:
  • Unpredictable behavior from parents creates chaos.
  • Example of inconsistent parental actions disrupting children's stability.

Conclusion

• The impact of no talk, no feel, and no trust rules on family dynamics.
• Generational patterns can persist without intervention.
• Continuation to further explore family systems in the next session.