I'm watching the Minecraft movie every single day for a week. Day two, it's day three. It's day four. It's day six. It is noon on a Monday. I have to watch this five more times. He's bleeding. It It just doesn't make any sense. So, join me as I watch the Minecraft movie. Sorry, a Minecraft movie seven times. [Music] I am Steve. This is what my eyes look like. First of all, I am here in my in my room. I have Jack Black on my monitor just to make sure I'm I'm really hyped for this experience. I'm really ready for this experience. I've been collecting the merch. Um I have a little a little mini Jablinsky right here that we're going to be taking in with us. I am so sleepdeprived. And my thought initially was like, oh no, I'm going to fall asleep during the Minecraft movie. But then I realized if I fall asleep during the Minecraft movie, there's always tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. If I was going to be doing this every day, I sure as hell wasn't going alone. So, I got a group of friends together and we went off to the theater. The same theater where I would be watching this movie six more times. While in line for snacks, I noticed they were selling these Minecraft movie loot eggs. So, I grabbed one to open after the movie as a little treat for my hard work. Minecraft some Minecraft eggs. I made sure to avoid as much as I could about the actual plot of the Minecraft movie beforehand cuz I was going to watch it seven times. I want to at least be surprised once. So, with popcorn and drink in hand, I prepared myself for absolute cinema. Chicken Jackie. Let's go. Let's go. [Applause] Now, admittedly, I did go into this movie expecting it to be somewhat bad. Based on the trailers, we were doing the whole Jumanji, real people in Minecraft shick. But boy oh boy, was I unprepared for just how bad this movie was going to be. I'm going to kill myself. But one Minecraft movie later and honestly, we had a pretty good time. Yo, shout out to Dof. The movie was something else. Two of my friends wanted it to be over ASAP. Another friend got drunk. And my friend April from Scuffed Animals. I fell asleep. But despite that, it was still fun to dunk on this movie. Oh, and we unboxed the egg from earlier. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken Jackie. That was viewing number one. We were like a minute late, so we missed the first minute of it. Oh no. I have to go back tomorrow to get the next minute. You actually don't have to do that. I have to do that. Tomorrow. I don't know if it's worth it. Tomorrow, Johnny. Johnny, you love yourself. You love who you are. Don't do that to yourself, man. Tomorrow, Johnny. Um, tell me tell me how it's going tomorrow. Tomorrow, Johnny has so much to live for. Tomorrow, Johnny, please decide not to watch six more of these. Tomorrow, Johnny did in fact decide to watch six more of these. We also thought it would be thematic to get the Minecraft meal from McDonald's to really immerse ourselves in the craft. We got the Minecraft meal after the Minecraft movie. And I'm about to get my Minecraft toy from the Minecraft meal. I swear to God, this is the burger that you already have. It's not the burger. It's Grizz. Grimace. It's Grim. It's Gri. I got my Minecraft. [Music] Is it the burger? Is it the burger? Oh crap. With that, I went to bed and prepared myself for the next showing, which would start at noon. The next day, I am Steve. All right. Um, it's the next morning. I'm extremely tired. For some reason, I got like five calls while I was trying to sleep. The movie is in 20 minutes and the movie theater is 20 minutes away. We might miss the beginning again. I really hope we don't. I've been thinking about the Minecraft movie. I had a Minecraft movie dream already. I'm looking at the grimace egg. Day two of seven. Woohoo. With that enthusiastic start to my day, I collected my friend John and headed over to the theater. John agreed to watch the movie with me again despite seeing it with me the day prior under the condition that I bought their ticket because they were the only person that would watch Minecraft with me at noon on a Friday. We're back for round two. We got two more tickets. I pre purchased a chicken jockey uh cup and and popcorn. I'm going to lose my mind. There's no one there. There's no one there. We could just We got the tickets. I picked up my limited edition Chicken Jockey collectible popcorn bucket and drink and made my way into the theater. Now, for this viewing, we were watching in the Dbox seats, which are basically like those rides you see at the mall, except they're synced up to the movie. So, the chair shakes you around when the action happens on screen. Honestly, it was pretty sick. The seats move. I could feel every single block that Jack Black placed. We actually made it on time to the movie this go around. So, we got the full Jablinsky experience. The movie starts with Jack Black explaining what the overworld is. Specifically saying there are millions and billions of stories from the overworld, and this is his. Now, this is funny to me because I guarantee you every one of those stories is better than the one I'm about to watch six more times. Steve was a kid who yearned for the mines. He grew up then went to the mines as an adult where he found the isekai tesseract which let him go to Minecraft world. He then started building on his world doing all the classic Minecraft stuff like building houses and taming a dog named Dennis before he found a Nether portal ruin after lighting it with flint and steel. He found himself in the Nether where an evil piglin named Malosa kidnapped him. Then he escaped. Then she captured him again as Dennis ran off to hide the isekai tesseract in his house in the real world. Steve didn't have to get captured again. He had plenty of time to escape with Dennis. He just kind of did that because plot. Cut to Jason Mimoa's character, Garrett the Garbage Man Garrison. He's a washed up pro gamer from 1989 who won some sort of gaming tournament for a co-op beat him up that he played solo. There's one line in this movie that mentions it's a co-op game. I don't know what the rules of this tournament are. How are you competitively playing a co-op game? Is it like scorebased, time based? You see, a good movie would answer that question, but a great movie would say chicken jockey. Garrett owns a game store and is getting evicted. So, he drives to storage wars, but instead of meeting Dave Hester, Garrett and this auctioneer have some homoerotic tension. He then buys a storage locker of Steve's room. We'll get to why that doesn't make sense later, but the storage locker contains the isekai tesseract. So, that's how Garrett ends up with it. There's also a couple YouTuber cameos in the background here, including Dan TDM and Mumbo Jumbo. I think this scene only exists to get the YouTuber cameos in. Then Garrett's car overheats, so we can cut to the other main characters. Natalie and Henry's mom died. Wampmp wamp. Now they're moving to Chugless, Idaho. Henry is in high school and is creative. Natalie is working at the potato chip factory because Idaho. They meet Dawn, the other other main character who does real estate and mobile zoo. That's her character. There's a moment where Dawn says, "Call me if you need anything." and walks away only to turn back around as if this were a Tik Tok parody. completely tone shifts and goes, "Sorry about your mom that passed away. You're really brave for what you're doing." With that stupid smirk. I laughed every time in the theater and I was the only one laughing because of how absurd this scene is. And it was supposed to be this emotional moment cuz it cuts to them looking at stuff from their mom for a while. The next morning, Henry goes off to school, but first meets Garrett, who tries to sell him on this Sigma motivation course. Henry goes to school where the vice principal is Jennifer Culage. There's a scene with him talking to her just to have Jennifer Koolage in the movie. He then goes to his first and only class of the day, Art. The teacher's in financial ruin, and this generic bully kid has the best line in the entire movie. Henry goes, "Oh, it's just math." And this kid goes, "My dad said math has been debunked." Henry then builds a jetpack strapped to a Heisen Bones. The bullies cut a wire and it flies into the potato chip factory, destroying their mascot, Chuggy the Chip. I have so many qualms with this being the plot. I'll talk about it later. Henry then caused Garrett to pretend to be his uncle and pick him up after being threatened with expulsion for something that the teacher of an art class would 100% be liable for. He let the art class student build a jetpack. Why is that on Henry? Anyway, Henry and Garrick go to the store where Henry denounces creativity. They put the isekai tesseract in the isekai tesseract cup holder which leads them to the Minecraft portal. Natalie and Thawn also go after them. I swear they were written into this movie last minute for diversity. Boom, bam, bop. They're in Minecraft. But enough synopsis for now, it's only day two. I do want to preface since this was noon on a Friday. There was barely a soul in the theater. The entire movie was silent. So, I didn't really have the best of times. I had to watch this five more times. Wait, wait, but you got the intro this time. Wasn't it better with the intro? Yes, it was. The intro was the best part of the movie. Everything after that was so bad. Can I buy tickets to a different movie next time? Also, the chicken jockey cup might just be the least convenient thing ever made. And then I got to go to therapy. That's also what we're doing after this. I'm going straight from here to therapy. Tell them about the Minecraft movie. I I I'm going to bring it up. I'm genuinely going to bring it up in therapy. You You How? Okay. Where does the Okay. Dick and Jackie chicken. You got like He's bleeding. With that viewing complete, I did go to therapy because mental health is important. And yes, I did tell them about the Minecraft movie in therapy. This is my life. I'm living it. I am Steve. It's day three of Minecraft movie. Look how excited I am. I'm just overwhelmed with joy. I can't wait to see Jack Black. I love that guy. All right, it's ticket time. I need my I need my phone for this. For day three, it was another 12:00 p.m. showing. So, I went this time with my friends Twig and Mana from Scuffed Animals. Yo, fit check right now. Fit check. I don't remember which one is on which side. Zombie. Chicken jockey. Chicken jockey. We have pig. Pig. They're watching with us, too. M animation versus Minecraft. Twig really wanted to be there. We begrudgingly made our way into our third showing of a Minecraft movie, and this time around it was a full house. The theater was packed because this was a Saturday. You know, when normal people watch movies. We just walked out of the third viewing of the Minecraft movie. I'm going to be honest, I liked it more because the audience was full of children and they were laughing at the jokes that were meant for children. Cuz before it was like all adults watching it and it was silent. Like people clapped a chicken jockey in the first one, but the second one like nobody was laughing the entire movie. It just felt really weird. This time there was a kid behind me like smacking the divider. Like he was so into it and I'm like, "Okay, this is a kids movie." I can take some of the criticism off because it's a kids movie and the kids enjoyed it. But also there's so many ideas in this movie that could have been good. They just didn't explore any of them. They threw all of them at you and were like, "Isn't that great?" Anyway, next thing. It felt like a Mr. Beast video. And to prove that this movie is nothing more than a glorified Mr. Beast video, allow me to continue. Our characters teleport into Minecraft and we see a pink sheep, an extremely rare mob in Minecraft, and they're just everywhere in this movie. Steve literally builds a pink house out of sheep wool. At the beginning, they talk to the sheep and a random villager sees the portal and leaves to the real world to be the comedic relief of this comedy movie. There's a subplot where this villager gets hit by Jennifer Kulage's Jeep Grand Cherokee. They go on a date where Jeb is the waiter. He was involved with this movie. That That sucks. The main guy making Minecraft. Let them do this. Anyway, plot. Cut to the Nether. Mal Gosha kills a piglin for being creative. Then magically knows that the isekai tesseract is back in Minecraft and she needs it because evil. She lets Steve out of prison to get it back, implying they have his dog Dennis as leverage. Then cut to Dennis being fine as he runs back into the portal. Cut again to the main cast about to leave until it becomes night. They get attacked by skeletons and zombies, but instead of, you know, running away to the portal that is right next to them, they don't do that because plot has to happen. Garrett falls in a hole and learns how to Minecraft dig. For some reason, the dirt he mines doesn't drop as a block. They're so inconsistent with how the Minecraft rules actually work in this movie. Literally the next scene, they cut to Henry running into a tree, which breaks it for some reason. But that log drops a block so he can learn the Minecraft mechanic. But not for Garrett. Cool. Henry then builds a fort with oak logs that he had no time to collect and stairs he doesn't know how to craft yet. Also, you can't make oak stairs in Minecraft. Garrett then leaves the hole that he's in so the movie can have a scene with a creeper. That's the only reason he would leave that hole. The creeper explodes and does no physical damage to Garrett even though he is inches away from it. He runs, picks up the isekai tesseract, which gets shot by a skeleton, breaking the cup holder. It's in closing the portal home. One of my biggest qualms here is Garrett just learned to mine and then he forgets how to mine to get into Henry's base. Also, they're three blocks tall. In Minecraft, everyone is two blocks tall. Blocks in Minecraft are canonically a meter. I don't know why they did this. It just makes the movie even less connected to Minecraft. Anyway, Jack Black shows up. He saves the day and says, "I am Steve." He explains that the isekai tesseract is called the orb of dominance. Now, I looked up what the orb of dominance is, and in Minecraft Dungeons, it's essentially the main antagonist. And in Minecraft Legends, it's used to darken the sky. This is what Mal Gosha wants to use it for. Fair enough, movie. I think the original plot was based on Minecraft Legends, and then they kind of scrapped that because nobody played Minecraft Legends. The thing that the skeleton shot was the Earth Crystal. And by combining the orb of dominance with the Earth Crystal, that's how the Minecraft Earth Portal works. So with the earth crystal gone, the only way they can get a new one is by going to the woodland mansion. So instead of going to the woodland mansion, they go to Midport Village so they can gear up because the woodland mansion it it's just too dangerous. Steve introduces the villagers and we get the lava chicken song which has been rattling in my brain on repeat with no wind in sight. Cut to the Nether where we meet the worst character in this entire movie, General Chungus. His name is General Chungus. He is Reddit personified. I hate him. I hate him so much. This guy is funny on the first watch because his name is General Chungus, but on each subsequent viewing, his voice became sandpaper on my brain. Malosha sends Chungus off to find Steve, drinking nether wart so they don't turn into zombies in the overworld. This is a detail that gets ignored later. I'll circle back, don't worry. Cut back to the village. Natalie doesn't like Steve's instructions on where the woodland mansion is and demands to get a map citing how dangerous Minecraft world is as the reason they need one. Steve says creativity is important in Minecraft world and Natalie hits him with the well in the real world it doesn't work like that which honestly Natalie not really helpful right now you are in Minecraft. Henry hears this and says well maybe I'll stay here in Minecraft then. And that idea is never mentioned again. Then Steve shows off his elite loot. Let me see if I can do this off the dome. Welcome to the stash. TNT firework rocket also good for propulsion. Boots of swiftness, diamond armor, full set, and blades for days. Aside from showing off an ender pearl, which gets wasted, none of this loot is used, even though that's the reason they came to the village in the first place. Steve goes, "This is a crafting table." They craft two things that aren't even in Minecraft. a tater tot launcher and buckch chuckets. Garrett then reveals he stole the orb from Henry and extorts Steve so he can save his struggling business. Garrett is kind of set up as like the antagonist for this part of the movie, but it's dropped completely by the end. He kind of has an arc in this movie, unlike the two female characters in the main cast who talk to a villager about a map so they can be forgotten for the rest of the movie. The village is then attacked by General Chungus, forcing everyone to learn how to fight and splitting them up in the process. The guys use elytra wing suits to escape and the girls just leave. I guess they couldn't find a map even though they were right on the table with the villager when they got attacked. There's a whole elytra chase scene ending in a water bucket clutch. The elytras are never used after this. And the things they just crafted are left behind and not taken with them to the woodland mansion. Why did they ever go to the village then? But enough about the plot for right now. Let's check in on my sanity. I'm at a Texas roadhouse and the guy said chicken jockey when we walked in. I'm going insane. Everything is Minecraft. Chicken jockey. It's day four of going to the Minecraft movie every day. I am interested to see if the fourth time is the charm. Last time I did enjoy it more, but I also was taking notes the entire time of all of the weird plot holes and contrivances used to make the plot. I'm really tired. Also, I I'm starting to memorize parts of the movie just by watching it so much, which will be really funny tomorrow when I go see it with my girlfriend because I'll just look at her and go la chick. But if you can't tell, I'm just not excited for this. Anytime somebody references this movie now, I'm like getting flashbacks. I'm like back in the movie. I'm watching it again. And I don't think that anyone should do what I'm doing. I think this is a waste of time and money. I chose to not wear my sunglasses on this video so you could see the tiredness in my eyes. Anyway, cut to me movie. None of these are Minecraft. Today I was joined by several members of my college improv group and my former editor and Shadow the Hedgehog enthusiast Anna Mlanahan. Side to side to side. Mining creeper got my hands up. Got diamonds all over my body. Cuz baby tonight the creeper's going to steal my stuff [Music] again. Johnny loves his girlfriend. That's true. Got pain and nails and diabetes. This cost me $20. We then made our way into this movie for the fourth time. Where were we? Steve gives a lore drop on Malosha. She made it to the semi-finals of a dance competition. But at the semi-finals, everyone decided she was terrible. But she made it to the semi-finals. It doesn't really make any sense. Anyway, she denounces creativity and that's why she's evil. Honestly, kind of funny. The woodland mansion is on the other side of the redstone mines. Because Garrett needs money, they go through the mines. Cut back to the Nether. Chungus wasn't useful, so Malosa needs a better minion, the great hog. The scene also makes no sense because Mal gosha says, "What do you mean we have to put the brain in? Get it done." And literally 5 seconds pass and they get it done. They reference this later, too. So, I wonder if this was like a cut plot point that this is just the remnant of. Anyway, they kill Chungus. I clap. It then cuts to my favorite scene in the movie where Dawn and Natalie talk about how isn't adulting cringe. And man, there's too many responsibilities in the real world. [ __ ] you are in Minecraft. Also, this scene doesn't even pass the beal test. You are in this movie for diversity and you don't even manage to do it. But anyway, Dennis shows up and isn't tamed now for some reason. So, Dawn tames him because animals. So, Dennis can lead them to Steve. Cut to the mine where Garrett sets off a booby trap where dispensers shoot cactuses at him. Why did they shoot cactus at him? Beats me. That's not in Minecraft. Cool. I love how this movie just adds so much stuff that isn't in the games. And the whole point of the movie is to be like, "Hey, look at the thing from the game." Anyway, they find Steve's diamonds. Henry is pissed, but we can't worry about that now. The great hog is coming. They do a minecart chase scene. There's a scene where Steve's torch blows out and the screen goes completely black. But when it comes back, they're in a room full of creepers that is fully lit. Makes sense, right? Also, the only reason that there's a problem in this room of creepers is Steve didn't build the railway, right? It just doesn't have enough powered rails. This only happened so the movie could have a tense moment with big explosions. Then Henry and Garrett fight. Garrett says he's a loser with zero earnings and no friends. And Henry, the child he met today, says, "I was your friend, dog, you just met. Also, you are 15 at most." Steve says, "Sorry about your finances. Was got a chuckle out of me." Then we get a scene where they plan their attack on the woodland mansion. The room with the earth crystal is on the third floor. So, the plan is for Henry to build up to the second floor and sneak in instead of building up to the third floor where it is. None of that matters cuz all of that is a reason for us to get to Chicken Jackie. Here is my friend Sidi's live reaction of chicken jockeying. They stood and clapped. Henry finds the crystal and there's an enderman scene where he's told that he isn't enough which again doesn't really go anywhere. This is the last bit of his arc. He kills the enderman. They beat the chicken jockey and they leave the mansion only for Malosha to be waiting. They are on a bridge and they have elytras. They don't fly away here. I don't know why they don't fly away here. Mal Gosha magically steals the orb and Garrett sacrifices himself for no reason. On my first watch, my friend John turned to me and said, "Why would he do that?" And without seeing the movie yet, I said, "So he can show up in the third act when he's needed most." Steve and Henry then crash land and pass out, only to wake up in a mushroom house that Natalie and Dawn somehow had time to build. The house has hanging lanterns. You need iron for that. That implies they mined, and you need silk touch to mine mushroom. This scene pisses me off to no end. Natalie and Dawn do nothing in this entire movie. They were obviously tacked on for diversity, but by doing nothing, it ends up being counterintuitive. Natalie's entire character is being a reaction cam to whatever is going on and screaming about Henry. Dawn's entire character is animals. That's somehow even more shallow. She barely gets any screen time and has one contribution to the plot. Also, it's funny that the only thing that the two girls do in this movie is build a house, which is the stereotype for girls playing Minecraft. S tier writing, guys. What do What do we think, guys? It was a fake movie. It was a fake movie, but it was everything I ever wanted to be. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I cried three times. I don't know what everyone's on about. That was so beautiful. Yi was the mom who's dead and the two girls barely passed the beal test. Was probably the most beautiful thing I've seen in 2025. Now, I can't make a video about this movie without mentioning the cultural impact that it's already had. The movie has become a meme from top to bottom. Every Jack Black voice line is a clip I've seen 50 times by now. People are going to this movie screaming at Chicken Jockey and throwing popcorn everywhere. Absolutely trashing the theater. Soda's flying. Police are getting called. It's a laugh riot in the Minecraft movie. Now, not to be the fun police, but don't do that. All you're doing is making the minimum wage theater workers have to clean up more popcorn and soda from the seats. And the people doing this at the theater say they like the movie. They're having fun because of the experience. But in the majority of showtimes I went to, the theater was dead. So that experience isn't one that I got. After seeing this movie four times, I'm in a bit of a weird spot. I'm looking at it and every time I just am more and more confused by why they chose to make it this way. Something must have happened in the writer room. The best they could come up with was their mom died. Sassy black woman character. Two female characters that do nothing the entire movie but build a house. Why did they build a house? They didn't have time to build a house. I I added up the time spent. They say specifically it takes 20 minutes. Could be day and night. The day and night cycle is 20 minutes like in Minecraft. They're in Minecraft for at max 3 hours. There are no stakes. Once they get out of Minecraft, the portal's there. They can go back anytime they want. The only threat to Minecraft is gone now. It It just doesn't make any sense. There's no weight to any actions. There's nothing. I was in the bathroom after the movie and a little kid said, "The Minecraft movie is the best movie ever." Obviously, it's a little kid. That's something that that little kids say. And a lot of people are going to watch this video and they're going to say, "Dude, it's just a kids movie. It's not that deep." You know what else is a kids movie? How to Train Your Dragon. How to Train Your Dragon's an amazing story that matters. If Minecraft wasn't in this movie, if the IP of Minecraft was detached from this movie, it would be nothing. Nobody would like it. The first part is like three Tik Tok sketches put together. They're funny, but they don't make any sense in the grand scheme of the story. There are bones of a good movie here. There are like scenes that are fun. It's fun. The movie is fun, but when you put the pieces together, it doesn't make any sense. when you take any amount of time to look at it, it doesn't make any sense. Like, you could make a better movie and it would make more money. Everybody's seeing this and they're they're seeing it not because it's a good movie and not because um they love Minecraft, but because they want to clown on it. Everybody's going to see it because they see the chicken jockey and they lose their minds. I just I don't get it. I don't get it. So many decisions were made to make this movie. I am so unbelievably disappointed and I still have to watch it three more times. Chicken. For day five, I convinced John to go with me one more time along with my beautiful girlfriend who didn't want to be on camera. On the way there, we saw a Minecraft Vindicator McDonald's toy on the side of the road, which I took as an omen of misfortune. Okay, so this is the theater that we're about to go in. It is noon on a Monday. It is going to be so dead in there. There's not even a guy here. How? This is the This is the the second time. Do we even need to find tickets? We should just walked in. This is the second time no one has showed up here. They have wine. Wine. Get a Bud Light. I don't even like beer. I just think that would be funny. That seems like a good idea. Now, as funny as it would be to get crked up at the Minecraft movie, it wouldn't be fair because hell is a place you can only go sober. I do want to mention real quick before the movie I got the same previews every time and not a single one of them was an original IP. There was a Mission Impossible movie, a Karate Kid movie, a liveaction How to Train Your Dragon movie, a new Smurfs movie, a Lilo and Stitch movie, a Jesus movie, a Superman movie. There was not a single original idea in the previews for this movie. If that's not telling about Hollywood, I don't know what is. Back in Minecraft, Steve and Henry wake up in the mushroom house. Natalie apologizes to Henry about creativity not being cool. Then Mel gosha activates the Avengers laser. I love how I could immediately tell this was one of those fights where you break the thing and all the guys deactivate. So to prepare for this fight to get the orb back and save the overworld, Jack Black earnestly utters the line, "First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft cinema." They then have a montage of mining and crafting, which they didn't have to do because they already had all the stuff. All they had to do was make the iron golems. That's the only crafting that needed to be done. They had everything else. They also make a swiftness golem, something that isn't in any Minecraft media, and as a Minecraft fan, it pisses me off. The fight starts, Natalie kills like five piglins and does nothing else for the entire movie. Henry puts the ender pearl he got from the enderman earlier in his tot launcher and goes to destroy the beacon. Natalie is about to have to do something finally in this movie. Then Dawn summons her new army of wolves cuz she hasn't done anything either. But it isn't enough as Henry gets blasted down. Then when he's needed most, Garrett arrives. He says he did a water bucket clutch. He didn't have a water bucket. He had an elytra though. I don't know why he didn't just use that. Anyway, three gas fireballs are all it takes to destroy the entire beacon, and every piglin dies. There's one good scene where Malosha tries to stab Steve three times, but it doesn't make any sense because she's turning into a zombie cuz she doesn't have any nether wart, but she has these little piss boy piglins behind her the whole time with nether wart, and they're fine. So, she should be fine. Mosha is literally in the overworld earlier with these same guys that let her be fine. Why is she not fine now? Anyway, they go back to the real world. Steve inexplicably gives Dennis away to Dawn, despite the literal wolf army she just tamed, but they do this so he can sing a song about it. They then do this will he won't he leave thing with Steve with him eventually deciding to go back with everyone else. Now, the ending of this movie is what I hate the most. Each character is given something to do that closes off their arc. Henry finishes the jetpack, which he already knew how to make. He was sabotaged. He didn't need to go to Minecraft to learn the lesson that creativity is good. He already made it and it worked. Garrett quote leveled up his store and turned it into the hot spot. But the inside of the store did not change whatsoever. He renamed it from game overworld to the overworld, but didn't change the sign inside, which tells me that this is an editing change that they didn't have the prop for. One of my biggest qualms with his store in this movie is they don't have a single game past the '9s. No wonder his store is failing. Microsoft owns Minecraft. Throw an Xbox section in. That's so free. Natalie becomes a self-defense instructor, which is a weird choice. I guess her arc is that she learned how to fight. Would have been cool if they showed that. She fights like 10 guys the whole movie. Dawn, I guess, does the mobile zoo thing full time now because Dennis and Steve is just hanging out with Garrett. I guess they're gay now. Also, they make a video game and it isn't Minecraft. Instead, they make an arcade beat him up in 2025. And to show them making this game, they show Henry soldering. This is from Minecraft, the bestselling video game of all time. They couldn't show him coding. You know how you make video games? Why? Also, there's a postredit scene where Alex is there, which just makes me even more mad cuz she should have been there the whole time. Like if you want to have a diverse cast, make it Steve and Alex. Also, they didn't commit to an actor, which is really funny. Now, during my fifth viewing, I was having some trouble concentrating. I went to the bathroom to clear my head, and I think that only made things worse. What you're doing is stupid. What? Smoothie will break you. No, I have to do this. Have it your way. Ah, and when I got back, I definitely didn't play Bellatro until the movie was over. You saved my life. That's what friends do, Garrick. Go a full house. Johnny, is the Minecraft movie not simulating enough? Oh, yeah. I thought this was the Batro movie. You want Jack Black to go, I am Bellatro. He play He said he plays Batro. I would love to see the Batro movie. This is a better story. I think I'm going to lose my hand. No, I just do I can just do a new run. Oh, and by the way, we were the only people in this theater. It was just us watching this. Yippee. Now, I still had two more of these to go, and nobody was free to see it with me, so I asked John one last time. So, did you like the third time that you saw the Minecraft movie? It was my fifth time. Your third time. Wasn't that so fun? Didn't Didn't you love the Minecraft movie? Didn't you love that? Wait, there's somebody. No. No. Oh, yeah. Come with me. There's two more days. I have nobody. I have nobody that's going to watch the Minecraft movie with me. Please. Please. Watch the Minecraft movie. Just two more days. Just two. I don't want to go alone. I if I have to hear Steve you sing the damn old love and chicken song over a time I'm going to [ __ ] [ __ ] kid I can't do it I can't no [ __ ] that John declined my offer flint and steel chick and jockey I am Steve okay it's day six of Minecraft movie I'm in the car alone I just drove move from class. I woke up at 8:30, got out of class at 3:30. Now I am here at the theater at 4:00. The movie starts at 4:20. I am so unbelievably tired, both from lack of sleep and from the Minecraft movie. I knew I was going to see it like during my classes today. I I knew I was going to see the movie and I I was ready to see the movie. And something about the drive here, just the like 20 minutes that it takes to get from campus to this movie theater, something inside me just kind of broke. I just already started dreading it before I'm even here. And I'm looking at the theater right now and I'm like, I don't want to go inside. I've already seen this movie five times. I have to see it another two more times. Before I had people with me, which at least allowed me to like turn to somebody and be like, "Yo, this is stupid." Right? Like we both agree that this is dumb, but no, it's just me. It's just just I am questioning why I even decided to do this in the first place. Money probably views. Hopefully hopefully this gets views. If this doesn't get views, this is just the worst thing. First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft. Oh, also there was a train on the way here and it gave me a good 2 or 3 minutes of just reflection. I thought about turning around. All right, time to go. Yo, you guys want to see man or or do you want to see woman? Can I get a ticket for Minecraft? Uh the IMAX one? Yep. Thank you. For day six, I would be seeing it in IMAX alone. The only other people in this theater were families with children. I felt so out of place as a lone man in his 20s, unenthused about the Minecraft movie, and it was painful. When they made it to the overworld, the realization fully hit me that I had to endure another hour of this. Also, the seat that I was in didn't have a working armrest on the one side. And since I was here alone, I got way too many snacks as a way to numb the pain, but it only made my tummy hurt. Now, with the main plot out of the way, I want to talk about how this movie fails on a fundamental level. First of all, there is one Minecraft motif used throughout the entire movie. One, they use the song Minecraft. They don't use Sweden. They don't use subwoofer lullabi, wet hands, no Arya math. Minecraft is a game with one of the most iconic soundtracks of all time. And they barely use it. They play Minecraft and Pigstep. That's it. During the first Piglin fight and in the credits, they play this terrible zero to hero song that I dreaded every time it was about to play. It is the most generic possible song. And they used it instead of anything from Minecraft. Heck, pull a Sonic and weave the motif into an original song. Change up Wet Hands to make it fit the vibe. You can do that with the score of a movie. But no, we needed generic synth music instead. Hey, Warner Brothers, do you think you're Do you think you're cool, Warner Brothers? I used Minecraft music exclusively for this entire video. Every music track that's Minecraft, baby. Something you couldn't do. Oh. Oh, I don't I don't recognize those tracks. That's because I pulled some of them from the glide miname on the Xbox 360. Didn't didn't think about the glide miniame now, did you, Warner Brothers? I'm crashing out. So, despite this movie being a bad faith representation of Minecraft, it gets even worse. plot holes. As I said before, this movie is just a glorified Mr. Beast video. It is a series of events loosely stitched together. If you take any time at all to think about it, it doesn't make any sense. At the beginning, Steve could have left with Dennis, making the entire plot not happen. Then he's kind of working with Malosa, kind of not to get Dennis back. But as an audience, we know it isn't necessary. And then they drop it entirely. And then Steve keeps bringing up Dennis. Dennis is incredibly important to Steve. So why does he give him away at the end of the movie when there are plenty of Minecraft dogs they just tamed? Then there's the storage locker scene. Steve still has his house when Dennis is sent back with the orb, which was years from when Steve left. Then suddenly all of his stuff is in a storage locker being auctioned off. That doesn't make any sense. First of all, it would be an estate sale. And second of all, the timeline just doesn't add up. It was fine for 10 years. Then the wolf comes back and suddenly his stuff's packed up. The whole motivation for Henry is that his jetpack didn't work, but it literally did. Even if it crashed, it still worked and it was sabotaged. He says he wants to be a rocket scientist. He is a rocket scientist. He doesn't need to go to Minecraft to learn creativity. He already knows not only the concepts, but the means to make it work. He's a literal genius. And after blowing up the chip factory, he's called to detention and about to be expelled. Then he just leaves. There are no consequences in this movie. When Natalie calls Dawn to help find Henry, Dawn looks at Natalie's phone and knows where he is. Also, she knows that he's supposed to be in detention, but when she hands the phone back, the screen is off. That's something you notice on the sixth viewing. Then there's the joke where the entire movie Henry's occasionally called Hank. It comes off as confusing. It doesn't really make any sense. Also, why does Dennis go to Dawn and Natalie? It's brought up several times that Steve smells really bad. So bad that Malosa could track him from two biomes away by scent alone. We then see that Dennis is literally right next to them when Steve rescues everyone. There's a wolf that house at the moon. It's presumably Dennis cuz he just came through the portal. He would have just gone to Steve then, right? The whole detour for diamonds thing doesn't really lose them any time. And then at the end, they make a big deal about Steve leaving or staying, but [ __ ] you have a portal. You can go there anytime you want. They are there in the movie for an afternoon at most. Literally, it does not matter. There are so many more interesting things you could have made with the characters you have. There's this dynamic where Natalie doesn't like Minecraft and Henry does. Show Natalie learning how to be creative or at least show her actually being useful in a fight. Garrett's a loser with no friends and he becomes friends with Steve by the end. Make the movie about Garrett learning how to trust others. None of these ideas are paid off at all. Make Henry fail at the beginning because he's in over his head. He has no reason to go to Minecraft cuz he's already a genius in the real world. Take Dawn's character out of the movie. Honestly, I've been thinking about the Minecraft movie too much. On my Stardew channel, it was all I could talk about. On Tik Tok, it's just Minecraft movie edits. I went to the store and suddenly I was surrounded with Minecraft. It was everywhere and I couldn't avoid it. Every turn, every aisle, Minecraft. Every product had a Minecraft tie-in. every aisle. Minecraft Minecraft Minecraft. Even at home, I wasn't safe. I bought the merch. I brought this into my home. That viewing was unbearable. But something's wrong. [Music] I It's been here the whole time. [Music] [Music] I am [Music] Steve. That's when I realized I am Steve. That's the point of the movie. I am Steve. The movie, the story is Steve's story because in Minecraft, we are Steve. We are all Steve. I'm Steve. On the final day, I made my way into the theater and I took care of business. I stared down my final challenge and I took it head on. I watched this one in the Dbox seats in 3D. Finally, I was part of this world. I was Steve. Now, I can critique this movie all I want, but you're probably wondering why. Why did I see this movie seven times? I watched it so much that I've reached a level beyond Brain Rod. I have brain erosion. And it's because I love Minecraft. It's the bestselling game of all time. And the reason I'm even here as a YouTuber. Minecraft YouTube is how I was introduced to this platform. I watched the parodies and the Hunger Games. There are Beijian Canadian Hunger Games videos with a better plot than this movie. This film is such a spit in the face of someone who loves this game. Sorry, it's not a film, it's a movie. To call this a film is a mistake. It didn't feel like a Minecraft movie. It felt like a movie with Minecraft in it. You could have made a million better stories. Imagine a story where Steve and Alex go to Minecraft. They have to survive like in Minecraft in survival mode. They have to make discoveries. You don't need Jack Black saying flint and steel to know what flint and steel is. They have to learn to mine and craft instead of shoehorning it in at the end. And you end it in the end with the Ender Dragon. You know how Minecraft ends. We didn't get a movie that paid homage to Minecraft that respectfully made the story of Minecraft cinematic. They spent $150 million on this movie. The animators work hard. There's a bunch of great details in the background. It's obvious love was put into this. But for $150 million, we didn't get the Minecraft movie. We got a Minecraft movie. We didn't get a story. What we got was a meme. Walking out of the theater right now with the glasses on. I kind of do look like Jack Black. Um, I'm free. I'm free. I'm done. It's over. We won. We did it. 7 days watching the Minecraft movie. The Minecraft movie was not a good movie. And if you disagree, I can guarantee I've seen it more than any other person in the world. aside from maybe the people who made it. So instead of going to see the Minecraft movie, you should watch something actually good. So here are my recommendations for the best piece of media you should watch right now. Seance, it's more cinematic than this entire movie. It actually makes you think. Scavengers Rain, beautiful animation, incredible world building, invincible, amazing writing, and heck, if you want to watch something Minecraft, watch any Minecraft video on YouTube. Parkour Civilization has a more coherent story and message than the Minecraft movie. Also, I want to give a big shout out to Eddie Burbback for inspiring this video with his Morbius video. I suggest you check it out. Check out my podcast, Rumble Pack, and my Stardew channel where I upload a new Stardew video every day. I'm deleting it at the end of the year, so check it out while it's here. But until then, thank you guys so much for watching on YouTube. [Music]