This quickly went from awe to a complete disaster. Hey guys, welcome back to my channel. If you're new, welcome to my channel. My name is Stephanie, it's Anya Bwile, Steph Anya. For short, I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist.
And today I'm gonna be talking about everything that we saw unfold between Catherine and Freddie on Love is Blind UK. If you're curious, stay tuned. Let's start now. This is going to have spoilers.
Also, keep in mind, I don't know these people. I can only go based off what we're seeing on a produced show. There's editing, there's music, so many things that we could never really factor into the full story, and that we'll never know. I remember one of the very first things that I took note of was how much I loved hearing Freddie's introduction of himself and the work that he did.
I'm a female director. He talked about how being a funeral director affected his dating life because a lot of people are kind of turned off by that. But the way that he responded when he was asked how he felt about it.
When you see dead bodies, are you just like absolutely fine with it? Well, yeah, because I just think that's someone's loved one and was looking after them. And that was the moment I was like, this is a special breed.
With these shows, you always have to be a little bit cautious because I'm like, someone can initially present very well. And then we see later on that they're really not who they presented themselves to be. But that was a really good first sign.
And then when he talked about his brother. He's got Down syndrome, my brother. He's absolutely amazing.
We see throughout the show the relationship they have, the bond they have, and how he's letting people know up front that not only someone who's important in my life now, but should something happen where my parents can no longer care for him, I want you to be aware. If my brother sort of needed additional care, I would have to be there for him. And so I thought that was very good that he was communicating that up front. Because a lot of times we've seen in the past where people have potential dependents or current dependents that don't come into the conversation until much later.
So I always like it when someone can put something like that in the forefront. Because if it's a deal breaker for you, we should know that pretty soon. I thought it was sweet that one of the first things that he and Catherine connected on is that Catherine said that she works with kids with Down syndrome. So I thought that that was a really sweet connection between them.
And I was looking forward to seeing how their relationship would progress. since that was such a unique connection. The other things that we saw with them that got quite a bit of attention was how they had the grandparents with the same names. I even had people reach out and say, does this mean they're cousins? Isn't that crazy?
What's your granddad called? Bill. No.
You know, those are very common names, so I would assume that they're not related, but I did think that that was funny. To me, that was just a complete coincidence. I didn't take that to mean that it was a sign that they should be together but it was interesting watching Catherine's emotional reaction to that I think she was still kind of processing some of their other similarities and that was just the icing on the cake but at that moment that's when I first started fearing Catherine's ability to regulate her emotions because a lot of times we look at a sweeter moment and we don't really think to ourselves that person has you difficulty regulating their emotions.
We just think, oh, that's sweet. They were brought to tears. But that level of emotion without us having some backstory, which maybe she shared in something that didn't make the final edit.
I was curious, you know, why was this getting such a reaction from her? And I think my ultimate view on it is that family in general is such a sensitive topic for Catherine because of being adopted, which comes up a lot in her narrative. And we'll talk more about that a little bit later. I think that anything that makes her feel a sense of belonging, even if it's something that's to me completely coincidental, like having grandparents with the same names is something that makes her very emotional because family is somewhat of a trigger for her. Triggers can work both ways.
You can be disproportionately happy sometimes, disproportionately scared, disproportionately angry. Triggers aren't always only negative emotions. It's usually just saying something that seems disproportionate to.
the stimulus that's causing the emotional response. Now I feel like we can't talk about Catherine's character and triggers without talking about her connection, however short-lived, with Ollie. The situation with Ollie made me really uncomfortable because I personally watched that originally and felt like Catherine was picking up on the fact that Ollie was about to end things with her. It seemed pretty clear to me that's where the conversation was going.
I'm gonna make it easier for you. Okay. I just think uh you should go and explore the option with someone else. Now keep in mind because we're able to see confessionals and conversat- in the lounge sometimes things might feel more intuitive to us than it would to a person on the other side of the wall so i always try to give that grace do you know what i was thinking myself don't do it on your birthday don't ruin your birthday but if they both have feelings for me it's only right that at least one of them has the character to know what it is and the other one has the character to know what it isn't so i'm not trying to let it drag anymore than i need to it did seem to me like katherine recognized that ollie was about to end things with her Where's your head at? All over the place.
Catherine had already been kind of hypervigilant about Ollie's connection with Demi. And I think that she was trying to beat him to the punch. I think that was very important for her narrative. In this moment, Catherine and Sam actually had a lot of similarities to me with that intense fear of rejection.
almost doing anything to avoid being in that position. Catherine was very vocal about the fact that she struggles a lot with rejection. I was already thinking that it probably ties back to a feeling of abandonment with her birth parents. Men always find me sensitive or they will find that I come with baggage because of the adoption.
She made that connection. So she confirmed that. I didn't have to assume.
And I think that with Catherine, that fear of rejection put her in a very, interesting position of limited power with Ali. I don't think she wanted to be rejected at all. Who does? But I think it was much more important to her, especially with Ali, not to be rejected for another woman. And I think that especially someone that she may have viewed herself as more attractive then because she opens up when she's talking about herself.
Guys just look at me and they just think long hair, physique, six pack, but really all they're thinking is sex. Now, she was complaining about that, but one of the things that I found with this show and as well with my clients is that sometimes we complain about things, but also that is our comfort zone. I see it with toxic relationships.
You know the relationship is not healthy, but it's something predictable, something familiar. And I think that for Catherine, her looks have probably been a very comfortable blanket for her. I don't think Catherine was necessarily leading with looks, but I do think that it bothered Catherine that she could not use her looks to her advantage when it came to this sense of competition with Demi for Ali and so everything with Ali their connection if you want to call it that I did feel like it was pretty surface level is this almost more just like a sexual vibe is that just almost like lust when the focus should be more on what sort of chemistry do you two have do you have similar life values I think that it frustrated me to see Catherine be so committed to the narrative that she ended things with Ollie. I didn't get the impression that Ollie was trying to make sure people thought that he ended things with her.
I got the sense from him that he was just relieved that it went well and that they were on the same page, but for Catherine this was more about asserting power. This was more about making sure she is not the person who got rejected. and making sure people know that she's the one who ended things. Because even if she did, the reason that she ended them is not because she doesn't feel a connection with him. She's doing that because she suspects that he feels a stronger connection to Demi.
So even if she did end it, right, she verbalized it, the reasons are because of a perception that you are not about to be chosen. The other thing that bothered me about how Catherine was telling the story about how she ended things with Ollie is that she said he didn't see it coming. I am nervous to meet Ollie. He didn't know I was going to call it off.
So I think for him, it was a bit of a shock. I believe that Catherine knew that Ollie wanted to move forward with Demi. The conversation kind of obviously was going in that direction. And she's basically like, let me do this for you.
You don't have to worry about it. I totally understand. So to say that he didn't see it coming, either you're just lying or...
you are rewriting the script in your head. So that was a big warning sign for me that there was probably more to come with Catherine that we hadn't seen in the pods. We know that that narrative is important to her because when we fast forward to being in Greece, she wants to make sure she has a conversation with Olly to confirm the narrative that she ended things and that he didn't end things. And I really love that Olly did not lean heavily into that.
He wasn't trying to go back and forth. I was gonna. Say that and then you kind of beat me to it and I was kind of like relieved that we were on the same page.
If I did say that, I apologize because that's not true. He wasn't saying, actually, I did end it because even if he felt that way, I don't think he cared. It was not important for his narrative that he be the one who ended it.
But for Catherine, it was just as it was important for Sam to make sure everyone knew he physically rejected Nicole. And that's why they didn't move forward with their engagement. So for people who are very sensitive to... Rejection and sensitive to abandonment.
Catherine's talked about being cheated on before. That feeling of not being chosen is not a good feeling for any of us. But for people who have higher sensitivity to that, they will do almost anything in order not to feel like they're being abandoned.
And I truly believe that Catherine self-sabotaged. I think she wanted the relationship with Freddie. She made that pretty clear in the end when it was time for... the wedding day but I believe that she basically created a lot of tests to make it so that if Freddie dumped her she had some level of influence over that not that you put your best foot forward and still ended up not getting Kim but that you know you were a bit snappy that you are complicated and it works two ways if you are those things and they stay with you then they must really love you because you're difficult and they stayed on the other hand if you are that way and they don't stay with you, then now you've got reason that is tied to your own doing. It's a sense of control to feel like you've done something that can explain why the person you want didn't want you.
So this is something I want you guys to pay a lot of attention to because it's something that I see happen with so many of my clients. This self-sabotage happens when something feels too good to be true. Sometimes things are too good to be true, but what you don't want to do is you don't want to be the reason why the other shoe drops. If something actually isn't true and it is too good to be true, it will reveal itself.
You don't have to jump through hoops to make that revelation happen quicker because most of the time you'll never be able to parse out what fell through because of your actions and what fell through because it was inevitably always going to. So let's start going through these. instances with self-sabotage. Let's talk about the difference between the relationship with Catherine and Freddie in the pods versus their relationship out in the real world. So when we talk about Catherine and Freddie in the pods, Catherine is so emotional.
There is this catharsis constantly happening with her in the pods so much so that in the reunion they put together a whole montage of Catherine crying. But note all of those things happened during the pods in the earlier episodes. When you think about what the relationship was like in the real world, I don't remember seeing Catherine be that emotional once they met in person. The transition from the pods to the next stage, it was like, that's where the wall came. And this is something that I see often with people who might have an insecure attachment.
It could be avoidant attachment, anxious avoidant, disorganized, which is very tied to trauma, which wouldn't be surprising given that Catherine was adopted at 11 weeks old. So you have that inconsistency with caregiving. Attachment theory is about your earliest caregiving experiences.
So it is unlikely that she will remember anything, it's impossible. But the whole theory around attachment is that even before things we can remember, our experience with caregiving affects our level of comfort with people and our relationships to people, how safe and secure we feel. It's a whole theory. I've done videos on it.
I won't go into deep detail about it, but yes, at 11 weeks old, she's experienced some level of caregiving that could affect her expectation of love and reciprocation and safety. My point being is that when I have clients who have some level of insecure attachment, sometimes they can take one level of intimacy, but they can't take all levels of intimacy. What I mean by that, I'll have some clients, for example, who can have an amazing...
Long distance relationship. That relationship, as long as they have that geographical space, that distance, they're able to maintain communication, be open, vulnerable, but let that person move in with them. Things completely change because now it's too close.
I can't have both that emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. Or we'll see it the other way around. I'll see somebody who, if the person is conveniently around, you know, maybe it's a neighbor, maybe it's someone you've always known, and you've got that physical closeness, someone to physically go to the movies with, to have with you on Christmas, to take to weddings, but the emotional intimacy is too much. So you're really closed off from that person. And I think that's what we saw happening with Catherine when it came to Freddie.
I think Catherine already thought. that Freddie was an incredible person. I think most of us had that impression of him.
He just seemed like sweet, too good to be true, that kind of feeling. I don't think he's too good to be true. Let me say that.
But I could see why people would feel that way. And what happened once Catherine saw him and saw that he also was beautiful, I think that that- made it just too much for her. Like I can't both love how you look physically, feel like you're such a great person, and feel confident enough that you'll want to stay with me, especially given her history of being cheated on in every relationship that she's ever been in in the past.
So even before she ever knew that Freddie cheated, we could see her kind of pulling away. A lot of their interactions did not feel warm and inviting to me. They felt awkward and a lot of times Katherine wouldn't make eye contact.
And you could see Freddie making some emotional bids for connection with her and her kind of laughing them off. You could have liked anything. It just wouldn't matter because the feelings I had for you were real and, you know, I knew that I loved you. She relied a lot on laughing to work through discomfort, which is kind of ironic, right? Because later on, she chastises Freddie for saying that he's trying to rile her up and always making a joke of things.
He's always joking and, you know, taking the mick and winding me up. Now, I'm sure that does happen. But from what we saw originally, I thought that she kind of started that dynamic of relying on jokes instead of continuing to build that emotional intimacy. I think she became intimidated by the relationship and she started establishing tests right away. Catherine is probably more comfortable in that physical realm because that is something that.
She probably has received a lot of validation. And we see Catherine becoming very snappy. She talks about that herself.
We see her ask Freddie about if he's cheated. Have you ever cheated? Yeah, I have cheated.
And he says he has, he's trying to be honest. Now, I am not the type of person that thinks a person deserves a pass just because they're honest. If I tell you I honestly murdered someone, that doesn't mean you should just forgive me because I told you the truth about it. However, I do think that Catherine was treating him a bit unfairly because he said this was seven years ago.
He didn't want to be dishonest about it. I think that Catherine, like she said, was probably just projecting her experiences of the past. onto freddy understandably so but it's got so many wounds that you're still working on it seems like the adoption piece is something that kept coming up it was something that was difficult for her being adopted it's had like a mental emotional effect on me relatedly but also its own separate issue we've got this rejection thing that's popping up and then out on top of that. We've got the cheating. So when you have all of these layers or levels of emotional problems that need to be addressed or worked through, it is difficult to put your best foot forward in a new relationship.
It is very difficult because that person is walking on thin ice with you, not aware of what may trigger you. Because for example, if cheating is a deal breaker for you, why was that conversation not had? in the pods. It felt like she was looking for something to create a barrier once she met Freddie in person.
I think that Catherine hyper-focused on Freddie cheating in the past, partly because it reminded her of her past with exes, but also because it gave her something more tangible to hold on to for why she was starting to pull back in the relationship other than... I just don't feel good enough to be with you because she was already intimidated by how Freddie looked, how he presented himself emotionally. And then on top of that, having a cheating history, that cheating history, even though I don't think it was the most important factor for her, I think it gave her something a little bit more tangible and relatable to hold onto to continue kind of emotionally distancing herself in the relationship.
That is. the epitome of self-sabotage. Then we finally have the moment where Catherine admits that she doesn't feel good enough for Freddie. I always sometimes don't feel good enough for you. Here's the thing about Catherine, her insight is on point. This is something we have to assess separately with clients.
When you're doing an initial assessment with the client or an updated assessment, you're supposed to evaluate their insight and their judgment. I think of insight as are you able to see what the situation is and judgment is, are you able to make good decisions based on what you're saying? I think Catherine had amazing insight.
She's able to make the connections between abandonment, rejection, and her adoption. She's able to admit to Freddie that she does not feel good enough for him. However, the actions that she takes as a result of that insight, her judgment and decision-making, those need more work. That's where she could use a little bit more guidance. so that she's not making choices that put her in a position of not getting what she wants.
What she claimed she wanted was a relationship with Freddie. If that is what she really wanted, there are so many different things that she could have done along the way to ensure that he was getting the best version of her. I believe Freddie came in fully ready to commit and that he expected that they would get married.
But I think that over the course of time between the proposal and the wedding, he just saw a side of Catherine that just did not resonate well with him. I think they did have very different lifestyles. Sometimes I think people use easier, more tangible metaphors to explain how they're feeling about a person as a whole.
So I was frustrated when Freddie kept bringing up that Catherine was bougie. I feel like I'm a bit more chilled than Kat. And... I know Kat tells me, oh, you know, I'm not about going out and going to bougie places and doing all this. He does say that that's her word, that she used the word bougie.
I don't think we ever caught that on camera. So I was assuming that was his word and didn't like that for a long time. But when he says it's her word, I said, okay, maybe he's just picking up some language that she uses to describe herself.
But I think what he was really saying is that she's high maintenance in terms of what she needs him to be, right? He's worried about wanting to stay in. her wanting to go out and she's saying that's not that big of a deal because you can stay in and I go out or I don't go out as much as you think I go out.
Freddie believed that she was downplaying that and that she really does go out more often. I wasn't really getting the impression that he had a problem with her going out but I think he was worried that she'd be frustrated that he didn't want to as well. I also think that Freddie was very concerned about being able to trust Catherine and instead of communicating that that I'm not sure if I can trust you because I'm getting very inconsistent depictions of who you are, he brings things up like the prenup. It worries me that if we were to get married, legally you'll be entitled to, you know, nine money. I think a prenup is warranted, especially in these situations where you don't even know this person, you just met them six weeks ago.
I think that's warranted. I really think they all should be doing it. Honestly, you just met these people.
However, I think that what he's really trying to grapple with is that he's not fully trusting her. based on how she's presenting and the inconsistency he's experiencing. And the thing that he wants to protect the most is his family.
Like maybe he'd be willing to take the brunt of that risk, but he doesn't want his brother, his sister, his parents to be negatively affected because he went out on a whim, married someone who now has access to funds that he's been getting to help support his family. I believe he was trying to protect his family in that situation while also still trying to figure out what would be in the future for him. and Catherine.
Her friend seemed to be more frustrated about it than she was. I think she was just really wondering like was she overreacting to the situation but I personally didn't feel like there was a problem with Freddie asking for that. I don't and I think that if it's something Catherine's uncomfortable with that it makes sense for them not to get married.
I think that makes sense for them not to get married if they are not at a point where they're on the same page about how to handle finances in the marriage. That I think is enough of a reason not to move forward with the marriage. So for that reason I also supported Freddie's decision not to move forward. I also got the impression that Catherine, I'll say she seemed a bit inauthentic in certain situations.
Like in Greece, while she and Freddie are going through a very difficult time after the cheating situation, and Freddie's actually going to other guys to get some advice and talk about it, she's going up to Demi and acting as though she needs to be protective of Demi and saying things like, why should we all be happy in our couples? and you can't join us. I am happy. We just want you to be happy and you need to act happier.
Meanwhile, you've been glaring at Freddie throughout the entire day at that point. So I just think that that sort of displacement, you know, you're projecting your own relational stressors and struggles onto Demi. And then I think we have to acknowledge the fact that Demi is with someone that you had a connection with. The whole thing felt very disingenuous because it felt as though. she was trying to focus on finding out more information from Demi about how things were going with Ollie conveniently while she and Freddie were having issues.
Then we have to talk about the mixer event they usually put with people who were in the pods that didn't get engaged, mixed with our couples. This was a very frustrating moment between Catherine and Freddie. Catherine says so many times that Sam looks just like her ex.
And I didn't think too much of that because it could just be true. But then she prompts Freddie to say if he finds anyone attractive and he says Charlotte is attractive. What do you think of all the girls?
Charlotte. I spoke to Brie Flair. Once again, this is a test that she's establishing. Freddie has no choice really but to fail because is he supposed to just lie and say, I don't find anyone else in this room attractive other than you?
That's just a lie, right? So you open it up, you first start talking about How you feel Sam looks, then you get upset with him for talking about Charlotte, how he finds her attractive. Like, who likes when he finds her attractive? Think how much he's made me feel. For you to be upset about that and then to go into being very obviously flirtatious with Sam, even in the confessional, you are once again giggling and making comments that confirm that you know exactly what you're doing.
I want reassurance. I need attention. You're a good looking guy. I think we'll be fine. I don't intentionally flirt.
but I think it could come across as flirting. It's hard to sympathize with the person who does that. You're putting Freddie on guard for finding someone attractive and meanwhile, right in front of his face, you're flirting with another man that you've been saying all night looks just like your ex.
These moments are infuriating for me because it just felt like there was somebody there with very pure intentions. This is my perspective and of course it's a biased perspective. None of us can watch these shows without a level of bias.
My subjective perspective is that I believe Freddie came there with very pure intentions. I think that he wanted to find a life partner. He seemed to have a pure heart. I think he would have fared better in the process with someone else who was also there. I just don't think that Catherine was mature enough for this experiment.
And that's not to say that she's still not mature enough. I just think at the time. Based on the things that were coming up, it just felt like this was not the right type of process for her.
And then for cheating to be her big trigger, to then behaving that way with another man in front of your fiance. Can I have this ring? You got one. I know you got a bigger one.
That's the ring I wanted. Just something did not add up. We also see some contempt.
Top researchers. in the field of relationship studies like John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, have found contempt to be one of the number one predictors of a couple not working out. Contempt is really establishing yourself in a position of superiority in comparison to your partner. It can be something as simple as, why do you leave the dishes out? I never leave the dishes out, to making more money than your partner and looking down on them for that.
In this situation, it felt like, Catherine did not respect Freddie's career and she doesn't have to. You don't have to respect a person's career but you need to be honest about that. When Catherine's friends ask Freddie about what he does for work before he's even able to say that he's a funeral director Catherine is giggling and laughing and he's like why laughing?
What's funny? Why is that funny? It feels like when you're in high school and someone's bullying you for being really into whatever your passion is if you're in the band.
If you're in the drama club and someone is laughing about that, that's how that felt to me. It was very uncomfortable and made me very frustrated to watch someone with so much integrity and pride about what they do to be laughed at. It felt like she was mocking him.
And there were a lot of moments like that when it came to Demi, when it came to Freddie, just even when it came to how she was conducting herself with Sam. Just moments of just not taking the process seriously and being unkind. Now the big question people have asked me is, asked if Freddie was leading Catherine on sending her mixed signals. People have cited his meeting with her parents as well as him gifting her earrings for their wedding day.
I thought that Freddie's response in the reunion was interesting because he said he felt like he'd be chastised if he gave her the earrings and if he didn't. And I was curious about why because obviously the audience never even knew you were going to get her earrings. So who would be chastising you about that? Why would you look bad for not getting her a gift?
on the wedding day. I thought of it as a parting gift. Now, if that's not his intention, that was not his intention. I didn't think anything of that because I was like, you know, this is probably just him saying, I still care about you. He told her parents that he still had intentions for them to live together and everything after the wedding.
I think Freddie did not want to hurt Catherine, but I think he made a very smart choice. I mean, do you really think they'd be thriving if they were married right now? I do not think so.
I think he was able to see the situation for what it was, even if they did have great chemistry. They just were not on the same page right now about what marriage should look like, even with questions around the prenup. There are just a lot of things that still needed to be answered. I don't think Freddie was really sending mixed signals. I think Catherine was probably sending more mixed signals, because it seems like she had a lot of problems with how Freddie conducted himself.
Like, his character said he's too silly. She seemed to have a problem with what he did for work. However... Surprisingly on the wedding day, she's like, I'm ready to be his wife.
I was shocked by that. I thought she'd be saying she's on the fence. Her being 100% wanting to move forward with it, I thought was interesting.
Now, Freddie did write her a letter and say that we're in this together. I still think that applies even with him saying no. I think that was him trying to say, hey, no matter how today ends, this is not me saying that I don't want to spend any time with you.
I think that ultimately is what ended up happening. I'd be curious really to know, did either of them reach out? I'm sure there are interviews and things to watch. The thing with Love is Blind now is like, there are so many more things and it's really hard to stay on top of it. So I'm talking specifically about what we've seen on the show.
And if there's anything else that might help explain some things that you've learned through interviews, please feel free to put those in the comments. I think that that can help a lot of us. Please never hesitate to share. what you're learning by watching those things.
So those are my takes on the relationship between Catherine and Freddie. For me, that was one of the most frustrating dynamics to watch this season because the potential was there, but unfortunately, I think the ball was dropped. I ask that you like this video, subscribe to my channel, share this video with anyone that you think may enjoy it, and let me know what other videos you would like to see in the comments below.
I appreciate you watching this video all the way until the end. You didn't have to, but the fact that you did helps me out so much. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you.